>Americans have to "come out" as atheists to their parents
>Americans must obtain a so-called "fancy booze licence" from their local sheriff to consume any alcohol other than Coors, Budweiser or Miller
>Americans are encouraged to become obese, as the extra fat serves as protection from gunfire
>Americans are implanted with a special microchip at birth which sends a moderate electric shock through their bodies every time they acknowledge that they lost in Vietnam
>Americans refer to the metric system as "The Forbidden Knowledge"
>Americans are shot dead by North Korean border guards in their dozens annually during attempted guerilla attacks waged with the intention of "getting revenge for Pearl Harbour"
>Americans who find themselves in the presence of Israeli Jews must perform a "submission hoedown." This involves a highly choreographed dancing performance demonstrating the American's subordinate position to the Israeli. The hoedown ends with the American loudly proclaiming "YOU DA BOSS, YEE-HAW!!"
>Americans refer to Type 2 Diabetes as "The Burden of Manifest Destiny"
>Americans visiting Auschwitz are frequently reprimanded for attempting to restart the ovens for usage with their reheatable Holocaust-themed packed lunches
>American babies are "vaccinated" with shrapnel in order to ward off mass shootings
>American children are required to undergo the "McDonald's Initiation Ceremony" on their fifth birthday, where they are taken to their local McDonald's and must ritualistically consume every item on the menu before reciting all the advertising slogans in chronological order
Bump because effort was made
>>79746167
>"McDonald's Initiation Ceremony"
fug i had to laugh there :DDD
Didnt read it all but first half was funny. I dont get the booze joke though. Americas bretty tight. Sounds like syria out here right now.
>>79746167
>And Americans have to see the same Irish shitposter from the other thread.
Happy 4th of July, potato nigger! :3
>>79746167
>mfw by just existing I trigger dozens of nations
no one else will ever know this feel
It's sweet to know someone thinks about you enough to write all this. Love you, Italy! I hope your meatballs are extra spicy today.
>The image of the average citizen my nation sends across the world is Cletus Jenkins wearing a McMinions shirt
Absolutely hilarious desu
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?
None.
>>79746167
>Americans refer to Type 2 Diabetes as "The Burden of Manifest Destiny"
I'm fucking dying
>>79746167
very entertaining! now go get me my double deep dish pizza, bitch, before i make you plug the fattest white chick we can pull off enough muslims for you to get up in there!
>the forbidden knowledge
Okay that was funny but you still can get fucked OP.
>>79746167
I actually wish some of these were true.
>>79747550
gentle kek
not funny, not because you're probably a faggy 16 year old who wears a cap and baggy clothes - listens to faggy hip-hop and posts pepe but because LITERALLY just sitting here impotently shit-talking the most powerful nation on the planet
>haha lelele clap when in the theatre
yeah and i dont have to smell shit and kebab whenever i leave the house. pick which one is better
>>79746167
>Americans must obtain a so-called "fancy booze licence" from their local sheriff to consume any alcohol other than Coors, Budweiser or Miller.
That one is pretty good mang
>>79747550
>>79748080
>implying they aren't all true
Do you know how much of a pain in the ASS it is to have to re-apply for your license to drink quality beer? Also my parents nearly crucified me when I summoned the balls and came out as an atheist.
>>79746167
>this potato nigger is alright
Americans laugh at themselves.
It's what truly makes us free.
>>79746167
good thread lad
>>79746167
You're alright, Connor.
I love the Irish. Wonderful folks. In fact, hung out with some of your relatives today for my BBQ. Called themselves "Paddy O'Furniture". Odd name, but they definitely did their part in our July 4th celebration.
cheers!
A-AMERICANS?
BB-BACK THE FUCK OFF?!
>>79746167
Bretty good, 300% accurate
>>79746167
>be Ireland
>a fucking island
>too retarted to fish
>farm potatoes
>get so drunk that's the only thing you remember how to do
>potatoes suddenly gone
>can't fish because too drunk
> die
>>79748203
Don't be so salty, man.
>>79746167
These were hilarious
But America is literally heaven and you are salty
>>79749151
>tfw your parents are retarded hippies and you never got your shrapnel vaccine
Can confirm, proud of every one.
>>79746167
>>Americans visiting Auschwitz are frequently reprimanded for attempting to restart the ovens for usage with their reheatable Holocaust-themed packed lunches
this got me hard tbqh
>>79750255
no its not, if it stuck to its principles of when it was created and impeached Woodrow Wilson they would be heaven.
America now is shell of what it could be
>>79749378
why so salty? its the 4th of july you should be having fun
>>79746167
>vaccinated with shrapnel
My sides are in another dimension, man.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SON.
Don't get too drunk, you're still just a boy, and tomorrow you said you were going to tell your old man about this here "independence" thing.
anyone have the picture of the dude wearing like american flags pointing to a picture on his fridge of like two dudes high fiving getting their dicks sucked by england?
