I'm probably what you guys would describe as a "bro" or a "Chad." I go to a somewhat reputable university in the south.
On Monday I was at the commons, on campus with some friends, and there was a table of girls sitting and eating lunch nearby. I thought this would be funny, but it turned out to cause a ton of drama and now I feel like I'm being vilified:
I walked up to the table, tapped one of the girls on the shoulder (she was sitting down and her head was level with my rear), and when she turned around, I farted in her face.
It turns out all the girls were super militant BLM black chicks.
Their response escalated super fast, and long story short, I ended up having to do some pretty sweet parkour across campus to escape this huge crowd of haters.
So today I learn they did an investigation and found out it was me, and I had to go explain to the deputy chancellor that I farted in a girls face. I couldn't deny it, they had it on security cam. Now they're saying I'm going to get expelled most likely, but I can dispute it. They also said I won't get my tuition refunded.
Anyway, I feel like this is a real injustice. I get it, it sucks to have someone blast a fart in your face unexpectedly, but it's just smelly air.
What are my options?
>>70797488
>>70797488
Dude, what did you think was gonna happen when you fart in a black chicks face?
>>70797488
a fart is assault
you're fucked
http://blogs.findlaw.com/legalgrounds/2014/02/texas-cop-arrested-after-farting-in-another-cops-face.html
At least you went out for a good cause.
>>70797488
You're fucked, bro.
Enjoy being decried as a racist all over social media and having it follow you around for the rest of your life in addition to being expelled from your school.
>>70797488
>Planet of The Apes: Autismo Ascension
>>70797747
Aw shit don't post that. I'm getting worried now. I can handle the mob (I'm fast like lightning) but I really don't want to get kicked out of school and not get my tuition back, and I REALLY don't want an assault charge.
>>70797747
http://www.foxnews.com/story/2008/09/24/west-virginia-man-charged-with-assaulting-officer.html
>>70797488
nah
>>70797640
>>70797488
dude you LITERALLY RAPED HER
>>70797488
Jesus christ american colleges are fucking stupid.
>>70797919
>>70797905
>During fingerprinting, Cruz then allegedly moved closer to one of the officers and passed gas, the station reported. In the complaint, the investigating officer wrote that police noticed a "very strong" odor.
>The alleged stunt led Cruz to be charged with another offense — battery on an officer — in addition to DUI and obstruction, WSAZ reported.
There's precedent:
“I feel better, but there goes my reputation,” he said. “Who wants to hire a fart boy?”
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/pork-company-fires-400-pound-man-farting-suit-article-1.2383377
You should have let them beat the fuck out of you. This would have prevented them from going to the administration. Then again black chicks hit hard.
>>70797488
>I'm probably what you guys would describe as a "bro" or a "Chad."
I need to see this video
First of all, you should have denied it, or at the minimum, said nothing. But I have a dandy plan for you Chad.
Go to a doctor ASAP and get really bad gas before you go. Claim that this has been an ongoing issue for you and that you think you have Crohns or Irritable Bowel Syndrome, or something like that, and get him to prescribe you some kind of meds.
Medical excuses almost always pass. Claim you were really embarrassed about this and didn't want to mention it. Then wip out your meds.
I can give you other plans if you don't like this one, but honestly it's not the end of the world if you are expelled because you could just apply at another skool and never tell them about what happened. You seem young. Life goes on. You will laugh about it in the future.
Again, if you want some other schemes I can offer them. I have experience in academia.
Hail Hitler.
Op your problem is you are a white male with no liberal protection status. You need to be part of a minority group or religion. Act like you converted it islam, dress up and all. Some shit like that. You need something, otherwise they can vilify you as a white man.
>>70798134
I'd end up punching a girl in the face and it would get worse. I go agro in situations like that so the bitches in the first wave of the mob would have got round-house kicks if the mob caught up to me.
>>70797488
I don't even care if they were BLM chicks. I wouldn't want some frat fag at my school farting in random peoples faces like he's 12. You're fucked faggot.
>>70798230
Won't the doctor do tests for fart problems, and wouldn't those tests come out negative? I don't have fart problems but I like the plan. Don't know if I can pull it off during diagnosis.
>>70797488
Learn from bad decisions, the world is not what it used to be.
Even with what it used to be, people are getting expelled for less now.
Lawyer maybe? look into what can happen? Ask if you can apologize and really fake it for reals? Hmmm bribe?
Not sure mang, that is some Chad shit.
My bro is a Chad, he stopped doin stuff like that a long time ago.
>>70798330
There's a lot of contextual pieces missing here that are too nuanced to explain. It was like the perfect response to this conversation I was having with my dudes. You just had to be there to understand.
>>70798230
>>70797488
Look up all the symptoms for the disease before you go. Do not leave the doc's office without meds for something.
If you meditate on the power of Hitler's forceful speech and the inevitable return of the Reich it will also help you in this fart struggle.
>>70797488
>What are my options?
KILL YOURSELF
>>70797488
lmao. I have no idea what you can do, but that is hilarious, would totally be friends with you.
>>70798453
No, you just have to show up with really fucking bad gas, so figure out how to get it. If not... try another doctor. It will work if you want it to work, or you'll find an excuse to fail.
>>70798321
>go agro
Sorry, was a fun thread but you blew it
>>70798564
I laughed my ass off just reading the OP
Tell them it wasn't you, it was some asshole talkin shit behind ur back
>>70798230
But he tapped her on the shoulder before doing it. Having a condition wouldn't excuse that.
>>70798564
you are so boned
http://blogs.findlaw.com/legalgrounds/2012/12/fed-worker-reprimanded-for-farting-too-much.html
suicide is your only option
>>70797488
this better be shitposting i swear to god
>>70797488
please fart on my face
>>70798795
Somewhat related, but not a bad classic film, would recommend. Not that I'm a neo Nazi or anything but it's interesting to see things from the other side.
fartshaming is the new thing op
james joyce thread?
>>70797488
>"somewhat reputable university in the south"
> 'Bama, Ole Miss, LSU or Auburn detected
You better have not admitted to the administration that you farted. There is no proving that on video, and you could easily claim that the incident was caused by something else.
>tfw Chad will never fart in your face
why live?
>>70797488
HAHAHA never happened, but hilarious.
Rot in hell you faggot. If you farted in my face we'd be fighting to the death.
>>70798853
maybe he was going to ask her for directions to the nearest gender neutral bathroom so he could fart in private but the gas overpowered his boipussi sphincter
>>70799151
“My sweet little whorish Nora I did as you told me, you dirty little girl, and pulled myself off twice when I read your letter. I am delighted to see that you do like being fucked arseways. Yes, now I can remember that night when I fucked you for so long backwards. It was the dirtiest fucking I ever gave you, darling. My prick was stuck in you for hours, fucking in and out under your upturned rump. I felt your fat sweaty buttocks under my belly and saw your flushed face and mad eyes. At every fuck I gave you your shameless tongue came bursting out through your lips and if a gave you a bigger stronger fuck than usual, fat dirty farts came spluttering out of your backside. You had an arse full of farts that night, darling, and I fucked them out of you, big fat fellows, long windy ones, quick little merry cracks and a lot of tiny little naughty farties ending in a long gush from your hole. It is wonderful to fuck a farting woman when every fuck drives one out of her. I think I would know Nora’s fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women. It is a rather girlish noise not like the wet windy fart which I imagine fat wives have. It is sudden and dry and dirty like what a bold girl would let off in fun in a school dormitory at night. I hope Nora will let off no end of her farts in my face so that I may know their smell also.
>>70798853
No, he could claim it just came out. Again: doctor's note works LIKE MAGIC in university settings. You can get away with some incredible shit with a doctor's note.
>>70797488
You likely know the name of the girl now, right? Another option is to figure out who she is and to basically beg her for forgiveness. Do whatever you can. Donate to her dumbfuck cause, let her shit on you, whatever. If she changes her tone, then the admins will too.
The concern of the admins is if shit like this goes public, or if they don't show a heavy hand, they may have BLM farting all over their offices. They're scared shitless of BLM.
The thing for you to think about is this: do you want to back down or do you want to stay at the skool and go on with life? If you want to stay, you can challenge them, you can contest it, or you can find a way.
If you want another scheme, I am willing to offer one up.
>>70797488
It doesn't matter if she was black. You probably don't even know if they are into black lives matter. The main point is, that kind of thing is how you get pink eye! Frankly, I agree with the school.
>>70798795
Honestly, this sounds pretty good to me... You can get away with fucking ANYTHING if you have a doctors note.... Lol
What have you got to lose? You can't get in trouble for going to the doctors, unless you're going to the doctors and lying for pain meds.
DO IT. YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT. LITERALLY.
>>70799657
I think this is bait
>>70797488
not gonna lie, I would have fucked your shit up m8, hope you get expelled
>>70798853
He was going to ask her out but his anxiety caused his ibs to act up and he farted. He felt it coming and couldn't stop it so he turned to walk away, but it was worse than he expected. He had no choice but to stop and clench and let it out as slow as possible, as to avoid shitting his pants.
Source: been there.
>>70797488
I also meant to ask.
Why the fuck did you have to stick your ass IN HER FACE?
Was crop dusting not good enough? I mean, if you had enough confidence in that fart to rip it in her face, surely it must have felt like a real winner. The kind of winner that would be detectable for miles, had you just let it waft out of your asshole as you casually strolled by.
>>70799745
>>70799657
welcome to pol, we have IDs here
now back to plebbit you fucking soros-shill
>>70797488
That medical thing is not gonna cut it in court. First of all, even if you do get the prescription, the court will see its date and ask you why you never had your condition treated before you farted in that girl's face.
Secondly, they will see on the tape that you deliberately wanted to fart in that person's face: you tapped her on her shoulder, and then you turned your back to her. You'll say "Oh, I just wanted to say something quickly to her". Witnesses will be there to testify that you didn't say anything.
Thirdly, if officers are getting charged and convicted for it, you can be sure as hell you will be, especially considering the fact that your a white guy and they were, as you say black BLM chicks.
Face it OP, you know what you did, and you will be royally fucked for it. You will have an assault charge on your record, and the best you can now hope for is a shitty community college.
>>70799745
>>70799657
kek
you must be new here
you should leave.
>>70797488
I'm probably what you guys would describe as a "mate" or a "Bogan." I go to a somewhat reputable TAFE in the south.
On Monday I was at the TAFE, on campus with some friends, and there was a table of girls sitting and eating lunch nearby. I thought this would be funny, but it turned out to cause a ton of drama and now I feel like I'm being vilified:
I walked up to the campfire, tapped one of the girls on the shoulder (she was sitting down and her head was level with my rear), and when she turned around, I farted in her face.
It turns out all the girls were super immigrant INVASION DAY aboriginal chicks.
Their response escalated super fast, and long story short, I ended up having to do some pretty sweet parkour across campus to escape this huge crowd of haters.
So today I learn they did an investigation and found out it was me, and I had to go explain to the deputy chancellor that I farted in a girls face. I couldn't deny it, they had it on security cam. Now they're saying I'm going to get expelled most likely, but I can dispute it. They also said I won't get my tuition refunded.
Anyway, I feel like this is a real injustice. I get it, it sucks to have someone blast a fart in your face unexpectedly, but it's just smelly air.
What are my options?
>>70798230
This this this.
It's not often you read an actual thought out response on 4chan.
Go to the doctor and hire your own lawyer as well dipshit
>>70797488
>I couldn't deny it, they had it on security cam
do it anyway
make them show the world the video of her getting facefarted.
put that shame on her.
do it.
>>70797488
You sir are a legend, get ahold of the footage.
>>70797774
This. Trying to clean up a black chick using your ass is a kind gesture. Sorry you are being crucified OPchad
>>70799994
>>70797488
At this point it doesn't sound like OP is dealing with the cops, but it would be a quite amusing case in court. I doubt the dumb bitch wants it in court because then everyone will know she's a fart-huffing hambeast. Also, this kind of fart activism could turn into the secret weapon against BLM femdogs everywhere.
I'm telling you that these phenomenal AIDS-riddled faggots on here are the reason our society is headed to shit. People are so weak and pathetic they can't even take a good fart joke. Fuck them all.
Make your case, win. If not, back down like a bitch and walk away. It doesn't metter when the doctor's note was written, the issue is that the admins are then arguing with medical issues, not Chad issues.
Hail Hitler.
Also stop speaking with any Uni staff without your own lawyer. Walk out of the room without saying anything and head straight to the yellow pages and start calling local lawyers.
One will offer to defend you. And he'll have his "own" Doctor on speed dial that will write you a diagnosis of IBS and gastro intestinal blah blah and say you been suffereing from it for years.
Please don't call me a chink and say I know nothing of the US legal system. American airline pilot checking in.
Bottom line (if OPs story actually happened) is to not speak any further with anyone from the university until you've retained your own lawyer. Then he does the talking for you.
(Yes it will cost your parents a few thousand dollars)
>>70800671
Hong Kong bro is right. Talk to your father about what you did. Tell him in hindsight you are ashamed of your actions and you realize you made a horrible mistake and blah blah. Explain to him that you do not want to tarnish the family name with an assault charge on your record. He should at least understand your desire to protect the name he gave you and will help you pay for your lawyer. Promise to and actually do pay him back for every penny of it and thank him again twice, once when you settle with the nigress and again when you have finished paying him back. Cut the shit, get your education and make something of your life.
