It´s 50BC
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You are Julius Caesar, greatest conqueror so far but there is one obstacle left, one village that is still resisting.
How do you overcome this problem?
>>70721294
burn all the crops and block food imports until they capitulate
>>70721294
Move some time travelling Roma Gypsies there
>>70721294
Kidnap their druid.
No magic potion, no more problems.
>>70721294
Archers and a return to Greek hoplite tactics. They might be stronger than bears and faster than horses, but they are not arrowproof. Lay siege to their walls and beat back any Gallians sallying forth.
>>70721294
I steal their magical potion!
Nothing can go wrong, right? Right?
>how do you overcome this problem?
Trebuchets
>>70721294
Send in the Jews
Hunt all the boars in the area to extinction.
Burn their village to the ground.
>>70721294
Have a soothsayer plant seeds of distrust amongst their own so they eventually destroy themselves
Release the prisoners from the other villages and force them to take them in as refugees.
Let Brutus take care of it. That guy's got my back.
>>70721544
Nice one red Australia.
>>70721294
Throw some daeased corpses into the village and wait it out while you rape the locals in the area.
>>70721294
Don't know.
If you know the answer make sure Israel know it too.
>>70721345
this, and destroy all the thyme around their village so no more magic potion
Kill all wild boars so Obelix loses all his gainz
Move niggers from Nubia there.
Problem solves itself.
>>70721669
No you fool they'd just give them magic potion and make an even stronger army.
>>70721294
Let some kikes into it and wait a year and then they'll open the gates for "helpless roman refugees", ceasar a good boy, he dindu nuffin.
>>70721294
Blockade the village and starve them out. I only want them to give me tax (grain). I still need their fields.
>>70721294
Nuclear missile
>>70721446
Asterix the Gaul and Asterix and the Goths - did not work
>>70721490
Asterix and the Great Divide - did not work
>>70721525
Asterix and the Roman Agent - did not work
>>70721563
Asterix and the Soothsayer - did not work
kill them all
>>70721859
Also known as Swedening it? Smart idea Merkel!
>>70721797
>>70721799
Go home Poland you are drunk. You can't even keep your flag upright.
>>70721446
Julius Caesar already tried that multiple times
>>70721446
They did it in many books. Of course they got him back.
The real answer is to kill that SoaB
>>70721940
Asterix and the Banquet - did not work
>>70722020
What are you implying?
Build a wall and let them be niggers
>>70721544
They can fish
use a woman to seduce the little guy
use food to seduce the big guy
>>70721294
Send them smallpox infected blankets as a sign of peace
Drop feminist handy books into thair walls
Wait till the women throw out the men to the forest
Slay all women and burn the village .
Attack the gauls in forest ,let it on fire so they cannot produce more potion and run them down with cavalry
>>70721294
Besiege them and poison their well. Use mangonels to throw diseased corpses into their village.
>>70721294
Wait until end of summer.
Create a huge fence surrounding village coast to coast.
Have my men group in boats, and survey behind the village.
Shoot all the villagers and burn their houses.
Construct buildings of power with the material of the fence.
Boom.
>>70722204
They actually made one book on feminism and it was glorious.
Firebomb. Until they get sick of it. Also, torch the forest around them.
Again, just kill that fucking druid.
The Romans learn in the very first book that the strength secret is a rmagic potion. Just kill the guy
kill them all
Leave them the fuck alone?
Why bother wasting tons of resources to subjugate a single fucking village that has kept resisting any and all attempts at being taken over, that only produces stinking fish, and shitty rocks?
>>70721464
They are faster than sound man. Your archers will die
>be peaceful
>go to village
>mate with women
>cuck the men
>kill the mixies
>kill the women
>men are old now
its not a immediate result, but a resolt none the less
>>70721294
Surround them, cut off their trade routes adn water supply. When they're weakened attack it and enslave the young lings.
>>70721294
>roman cucks thinks they can defeat them
as long as obelix, asterix or the druid are alive there is nothing you can do to stop them
>>70722412
They could start a revolution. Just convincing a couple of villages and they could take all over the empire
>>70722455
tried many times
>>70722438
You mean just like the Roman and the Frankish colonizers cucked the ancestors of the French?
>>70722272
That was posted here a little while ago.
http://archive.4plebs.org/pol/thread/65493007/#65499684
>>70722465
Asterix is completely irrelevant compared to the other 2 tbqh
But that makes me think, why they dont drop all babies in the cauldron to make everyone like Obelix
>>70722255
You do realise that Obelix alone can run like Sanic and fuck up all you built in an hour, right?
>>70721544
Went fishing in Asterix and the Great Crossing
>>70722204
>Drop feminist handy books into thair walls
>>70722272
Asterix and the Secret Weapon - did not work
>>70722290
Happened in the end of Asterix and Son - Caesar rebuilt it.
>>70722489
Every indication the villagers have had has shown that they don't care about revolutions or shit.
If anything, they find he roman presence to be fun, as beating up legionaries is a friggin hobby to them.
Ceasar should just leave few garrisons there to keep them busy so that they don't get bored and start striving for something bigger, while he focuses his armies on more important shit.
Wait a minute...
>>70722561
>using logic
>>70722561
Because Obelix is an anomaly. Normally, drinking too much of the magic drink turns you into a stone.
That is why he never gets to drink it.
>>70722614
Yes, we know it cuz we read the comics, but how the hell Caesar would know about it?
Is absolutely irresponsible to leave some barbarians with magic weapons roam at will
>>70722561
Because it quite obviously causes brain damage and obesity.
>>70722662
>Uderzo books
>Canon
>>70722438
>>go to village
they'd just dont let you in
>>70722575
>Caesar rebuilt it.
Well, when your boss is a cuck, there's not much you can do.
>>70721294
BOMB THE SHIT OUT OF THEM! I DONT CARE
>>70722734
It was in the movies and that's all that makes it canon to me.
>>70722570
Yeah but he's really sensitive about his weight so you can fat shame him to death.
>>70721799
you made me laugh out loud
>>70722551
kek
>>70722783
They did. Destroyed the town but no one died
>>70722653
This is a politics board, hence im treating this case seriously
>>70722683
Cesar has interacted with the fuckers a plenty of times. Many times during which, the Gauls could have killed him, because, let's face it, there is nothing stopping Obelix.
But nope, they have never done anything like that. If anything, the gauls seem to like Cesar, as he keeps sending legionares, and other agents to keep the life of the gauls interesting.
If you think about it, he has already conquered them. What do you think would happen, if he pulled his legions out from the region, and let the village be free? The villagers would become bored, and start searching for legionares to fight from further away, thus spreading destruction and discord across his realm.
Whereas as it is, the majority of those magic drink chugging fuckers are contained in that village, as they got no reason to leave.
>Blockade at 3x distance
>build palisade ~100m away from village
>inside palisade full spike pit, from the wall to 5m out
Start shooting and wait for the idiots to fall to their deaths when they leap the wall
>>70722570
Hell, in one book his birthday gift from the village was that he could beat one legion camp all by himself.
They just bombarded them with catapults in one issue.
It worked pretty well but i think there was some coup involved and cesar owed them so he had the village rebuilt.
>>70722889
>let's face it, there is nothing stopping Obelix.
this is one of the most interesting Asterix debates: Whats their fighting limit?
In the very first book both the druid and Asterix cannot fight a single roman camp. In following episodes Obelix alone or 1-2 gauls do it without breaking a sweat
In Legionnaire, Obelix charges the entire Roman army, in Laurel Wreath he is warned that he would be shredded to pieces if he fights the Praetorian Guard
>>70722927
>leap the wall
I would bet 100 sestertii that's not how they'll deal with the wall.
>>70723078
exactly
peoples always understimate the bard when he's even more terrifying than the magic potion
the guy can create stroms and call thunder strikes with his luth
he deserve a spinoff
Say fuck it, let the invincible gauls have their fucking potion, acknowledge them as Gods, go back to Rome and fuck everything with tits on the way.
>>70722889
Also, yes, they have been clearly culturally absorbed, but you cant let a town with a fucking magic potion unguarded. Many books are about Caesar's enemies looking for it
Send them black people.
>>70723281
Why do you think he has the four garrisons around the village?
>>70723272
>the guy can create stroms and call thunder strikes
BRAVO UDERZO
R
A
V
O
U
D
E
R
Z
O
>>70723279
It happened
Okay but seriously, if you can't beat them join them. Julius Caesar actually allied himself with many Gaulish tribes to defeat other tribes, sometimes making up for his lack of a proper Atlantic navy. Cutting these guys a deal to ally with them would be the best thing he could achieve.
>>70723078
So they all fall right into the spike pit. GG?
>500 BC
>Roman
>tfw the legion call your mother "Omnibus"
>>70723333
>Why do you think he has the four garrisons around the village?
Very good. Now lets go back to your first post:
>>70722412
>Leave them the fuck alone?
Now you know why Caesar cant do that
>>70721294
Sell their land to the jews
>>70723530
They tried that
>>70723371
And it fucking worked!
>>70721294
If you blockaded them, they'd be fucked
>>70723491
>500 BC
wut
The books take place in around 50 BC
>>70723530
OY VEY SESTERCE
>wait for asterix and obelix to leave
>sneak in and throw burning torches on their village and surrounding forest
>>70723617
Well, Caesar got to retire and lived with Cleopatra happily ever after. Kawaiest ending ever
>>70723651
Tried many times. They just break the walls and stop the groundworks
>>70723520
I came to the realization of my own folly during this discussion m8.
Right about here:>>70722614
>>70721294
Build a wall around the village to keep them in and then build a bigger wall around that to keep reenforcements out, then fuck their shit up.
>>70721294
Diplomacy. Integrate them into the Roman empire, giving them notable trade benefits and access to goods around the known world. Give them autonomy and attempt to barter for the potion's recipe, or atleast bottles of the potion to be given to certain small special forces.
>>70723805
More important, I forgot to check those digits
>>70723333
Also, would like your take in >>70723108
>>70723843
That already happened. In later books they even accept Roman government functionaries into town
catapult dead cattle all day every day so they all die of disease
>>70721345
they tried in 05- Asterix and the Banquet.
>>70721446
They tried in 03- Asterix and the Goths
>>70723967
So there's no issue, then? Are they selling potions to Romans?
>>70723898
Obelix's powerlevel pretty much depends on the story and it's needs.
If he needs to be able to mow down tons of legionaries, he can, but if the romans need to be an obstacle, or a threat, he no longer can just beat em up, or is otherwise unavailable (for example, the time he got imprisoned by Romans, and didn't escape until Asterix found him, despite that fat cunt being able to smash brick walls apart with ease.)
>>70724048
No, I meant mostly about the first part, they are culturally assimilated. But they have given potion to outsiders in many occasion
reminder that if you push them too far they'd raze Rome and kick your ass to the moon
Obelix get tired in the mansion that sent you mad (too many stairs).
>>70723843
The mansion of Gods.
>>70721525
Kek, this. They'll be welcoming the invasion and pillage in a few years
>>70724116
So by all means they should be turned into a well guarded, well treated and well paid potion factory. Rome will conquer the world with that potion.
get them to egypt, while they are there, convince them they need to build pyramides, when it's built, lock them inside said pyramide,
also let them have a the dog for fuck all reason.
return to gallia, burn and pillage, shits solid yo.
>mfw no one thought of this.
Just starve them put ya dingus
>>70724268
Asterix and the secret agent.
>>70724217
That skit is bloody great.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JtEkUmYecnk
>>70724062
Well, I dont see it that simple
Goscinny mentioned a couple of times how the potion doesnt make them invincible. Thats mentioned verbatim in the first book, when the roman gets crushed by a rock.
I always find that quick footnote in Laurel Wreath fascinating "No Obelix, these Romans are the real deal, they would kill you"
Like, really good trained soldiers with weapons can stab you even if you hit them one by one. Goscinny is debunking the whole fight movie trope of the enemies swarming the hero and not landing the punch until they are one-on-one
About Obelix imprisonment, please tell me which book are you thinking of. Obelix gets taken by the Romans a couple of times when he's drunk but he's not trapped. He stays there because thats the best way to reunite with Asterix again
>>70722073
>killing the one who know the fucking MAGIC POTION
lil
>>70724293
They havent given the recipe for the potion yet. Again the only valid answer is kill the druid
>>70724343
How?
>>70724454
that german judoka was pretty dope in the movie.
If only he was less polite.
>>70724454
I think it was the one where they are in Britain.
It has been ages since I read it though, so I might not remember how the situation occurred exactly.
>>70721294
It's fiction the village is in France.
That would be the only one not to surrender ?
Did you smoke to much greek oracle of Delphi weed ?
>>70721294
poison their water sources/rivers, keep pushing non-stop 24/7 with rotating attacks of fire arrows and catapults at the same time till they die either poisoned or suffocated.
>>70724565
Obelix was sleeping due to a hungover. Wasnt trapped at all.
>>70724564
The only good challenges were the qt island and the mad house. The whole "lel-we-dont-serve-boars" was such a cop out
Great movie
>>70724613
R A R E
A
R
E
>>70724613
Well, they are gauls, which means Celtics. No surrender genes yet
>>70724698
Not at all
>>70724685
Those bitches got told so hard:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LT0I6OmH4cQ
>>70724698
I am as rare as a white man in Paris
>>70724775
Those dick sucking lips.
>>70724698
NEW
E
W
seriously though, what's with all the newfags?
>>70724815
>Those dick sucking lips.
Uderzo was really fucking good at that. So many underrated qts
>>70724390
Ah shucks, well atleast they tried
>>70724685
WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE IS NO BOAR IN THIS ISLAND ?
>>70723457
More likely that they will jump over it, and if they fall, their bodies will be harder than iron, they wont get a scratch from the spikes
>>70724519
>They havent given the recipe for the potion yet. Again the only valid answer is kill the druid
The recipe is irrelevant. They can keep it a secret. Are they organizedly selling the potion to Romans?
>>70721294
I BUILD A WALL TO MAKE THE GAULE GREAT AGAIN
>>70724614
Military options: They get wrecked
Poisoning the water works, but after the first few die they might get it and punch their way to another water source
If they're strong enough to resist us then they should be made an ally. Send an emissary and see if they can be won over to your side through diplomacy or bribery . Filthy barbarians love shiny things.
>>70724862
I mean, damn.
No wonder why he get back here at the end of the movie.
>>70724940
the druid would cure it remember the poisoned cake in egyptia ? >>70722465
>>70724891
They never sell it. They give it >for free to outsiders who are nice and need it
>>70724973
Caesar mentioned he tried to bribe them many times
>>70721294
rape their women and out breed them
>>70724973
Already tried.
"It end big crash in court!"
THROW LEGIONNAIRES AT THEM UNTIL THEY DIE
FORWARD, BROTHERS, FOR CAESAR
>>70724995
youre completely right
>>70724975
Which, btw, if they break the 4th wall, it means isnt canon anymore?
>>70725056
>theres no way to force yourself on them
>theres only 1 qt in the whole village
>>70725069
>that laurel & hardy cameo
>>70725076
>it means isnt canon anymore?
it was basically the ending message.
"It's just a cartoon you know, everything it goes!"
>>70724848
It's getting warmer desu senpai.
>>70725136
>those last three panels.
>>70722551
There was a time in history of man when he was not cucked.
>>70724775
The Twelve Tasks of Asterix is a fucking masterpiece.
>>70725069
Obelix And Co is a really great piece of storytelling
>>70722272
>how to defeat wimin
>>70724940
well if it doesn't rain for 2 weeks straight, they're pretty much fucked, after 3-4 days dehydration is already a huge burden on the body, unless they prepared wells beforehand predicting the moves of the enemy, it's gonna be hard to get clean water, all the fire and smoke from the arrows and catapults will accelerate the dehydration process a lot, that is if caesar have enough manpwer and bullets in order to keep attacking costantly without giving them any time to breathe.
>>70725237
And it had the best book adaptation of all time.
Almost better than the movie
>>70725219
Is not the first time that wife shows she has the hots for Obelix. Senpai has to drop the beta act and plow that bitch
>>70725289
My favourite book by far
>>70721294
No fuck you. I am Obelix.
>>70725237
Yep and it's so gloriously dubbed. i have seen it in french and german and they are both brilliant
>>70725321
why just not look for another unspoiled river?
>>70725304
it also works with BGC but it's a kid cartoon afterall
When we are still talking about comics, how do you feel about Alix?
>>70725404
> that wasn't mud.
>>70725384
I don't know the geograpbhy of france but if ceasar can surround the village, he can also poison all rivers around it; unless there's an underground river that he didn't predict that doesn't have any acess outside the village, they don't have many options.
>>70725404
oh god THAT'S NOT MUD
>>70725521
Wells.That is all.
>>70725321
the bard can make it rain easily (even inside a house)
>>70725521
Well, they have potion reserves, or even better, Obelix. He can fucking run to the other side of Gaul and bring water.
Also, probably the druid as a way to purify the water, french anon also remembered us he already cured poisoned people in Cleopatra
>>70721688
Underrated post. Keked in public
>>70725518
WHAT HAPPENS TO ENAKI?
>>70725404
>The cure for the bard is to LITERALLY take a bath in elephant shit
>>70725404
POO N THE GANGES
>>70725719
Shotatix saved him.
>>70725474
>That qt in the 3rd panel
Would buy
>>70725474
>>70725492
>>70725518
WHAT ABOUT THE GLANDS, MAN??
>>70725664
Keep in mind that Obelix is dumb as a loaf of watersoaked bread
>>70725759
>Shotatix
i read Shoatix and keked
>>70725816
Well, doesnt need to be Obelix, again, potion reserves.
But the best answer for that situation is that the druid can cure any poisoning
I'd promote equality and the welfare State
>Obelisk is taxed 80% and moves to Russia
Is Obelix actually the richest member of the village?
Also, who the fuck actually needs those perfectly well formed rocks
>>70725759
pls continue
>>70722465
Is that a Rune scimitar?
>>70726109
pagan magic
>>70721294
Do what they did at Alesia; circumvallation around the town, hostile camp right along the other side of it, starve them out. Easy peasy.
>>70725894
Just kill that druid and poison the fat man.
>>70726082
Not at all. Perhaps the old man
>>70726109
Every couple of books they give a random explanation why the villagers buy it
>>70726234
Egyptian sword
>>70726291
Don't work when the besieged have the strength of a thousand suns.
>>70726291
No walls, workers just get their asses kicked
>>70726298
Thats what im saying since my first post here
Just kill the druid and wait Obelix to die of old age
>>70725136
French/Belgium comics got plenty of those.
>>70721294
Just leave them be and open trade.
All they produce is rotten fish anyway.
>>70726381
Just realized that this is from a comic type thing.
I am idiot. I got excited that /pol/ was talking about Caesar's Gallic campaigns for a minute.
>>70725664
oh kek I don't know the asterix and obelix comics very well, I thought op was talking about a realistic scenario.
>>70726532
In real life just throw a bigger army, raze the fuck out of it.
I mean you suggested what he actually did. Whats the merit on it?
>>70726432
the guy import fishes from paris instead of fishing them himself
>>70726671
well, in other books such as Hispania he does go out fishing
>>70726532
>/pol/
> talking about politics
Reverse enginner the potion, if that does not work simply wait until the lack of genetic diversity and inevitable incest degenerates their genepool until i am capable of taking them out (Two or three millenia at most)
>>70721294
Easy. I would reach an agreement with the village and declare their leader an "amicus populi Romani", an ally of the Roman people. Then I would seduce their ambassadors with money and power promises if they kill the leader. After the murder, when they return to Rome to receive the payment..."Rome does not pay traitors who kill their chief". I would throw them to the lions and invade the village.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Viriatus
>>70726671
kek the fishman probably just want to sell rotten fishes then
>>70726671
I am pretty sure that there is a joke about French centralization in there that people who are not French don't get. Just as there are so many jokes about how provincial the people in Asterix' village are.
>>70727021
probably yes, big companies like Carrefour rarely promote locals products and rather sells products from another region
>>70726804
1- They cant be bribed
2- This plan works if the chief is an indispensable part of their army, but in this case hes irrelevant
>>70726109
>he doesn't know
laughinggaulishgirls.jpg
>>70727437
>Hey, I was sleeping there
Destroy his plot armor
>>70726590
>spent $1500
>still end up looking like a Best Buy employee
Give them HIV infected blankets
>>70727437
Question: how the the hell did they raise those stones on top there?
>>70727982
> cranes
> pulleys
>inclined plane
>wheel and axle
take your pick, nigga.
>>70728143
>>70727437
obelix was real tbqh
>>70724698
??? How is that rare?
>>70727982
Ancient alien antigrav.
>>70728143
>>70727982
or covering the upright stones in dirt then sliding the top ones on the dirt ramp then removing the dirt
yeah either way it's pretty impressive given when it was done
>>70727982
A better question would be how many times did they try and fail with someone crushed inside?
>>70727952
>dont fuck the blankets
Teach them nihilistic leftism
Asterix is GOAT btw
>>70729393
Checked /co/ after Caesar Papyrus was released expecting some threads
Instead, well, I discovered /co/...
>>70721544
Budget Australia
Budget Ideas
![1280px-Crucuno_dolmen[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/UlqvFX8.jpg "1280px-Crucuno dolmen[1]")