pushes glasses up on his nose
HOLD ON ONE GOSH DARN MINUTE
buys iphone, drops it, and buys another
SO WHAT YOU'RE TELLING ME
develops life-threatening painkiller addiction
SO THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS
wastes weekend watching reality TV
WOWEEEE, SO WHAT YOU'RE IMPLYING HERE
purchases poorly-made SUV because it's "made in the USA"
YOU ARE TELLING ME
posts cringey facebook meme
JUST STOP RIGHT THERE FRIEND-O
furrows eyebrows, adjusts shirt, buttoned to the highest button
JIMINY CRICKET, YOU'RE SAYING
tebows
SO IF I UNDERSTAND YOU CORRECTLY
blames weak work ethic on dissolution of previously enjoyed structural advantages
WELL YOU ARE TELLING ME
shoots up a church
WE WILL
uses oddly sexual emojis in non-sexual situations
IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS
cries into TV dinner
EXCUSE ME IM HAVING A HARD TIME PROCESSING THIS
writes tragic thoughts which he will take to the grave into his diary
WE WILL
is an eighth latino so expresses extreme vitriol to latinos
IF I UNDERSTAND YOU CORRECTLY WE WILL
spends more time over the year on fantasy football team than exercise
IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS
masturbates to cartoon characters
RESTATING: WE WILL
contemplates suicide
WE MOST DEFINITELY WILL
makes up for insecurity about masculinity by owning a firearm he doesn't need
WOW, WOW, WOW, WE WILL
swipes right for literally everyone on tinder, with 3 matches
HOLD THE PHONE NOW
ignores overdue rental payment
WE WILL
expresses tempered support of some of history's most vile despots on social media
YOU ARE TELLING ME
bases self-worth on flukey IQ test taken online 3 years ago, scoring 105
WE WILL
wholeheartedly believes in MRA philosophy
IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS
gets STD from first sexual encounter at 25
HOLD THE PHONE, FRIEND-O
goes to a church where the pastor rails against "liberal fascism"
YOU ARE TELLING ME WE WILL
likes buzzfeed, vice, and breitbart news on facebook
WE WILL
cries into arby's meal
MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIIIIIIN
finds himself too apathetic to register to vote
>>67445842
Projection, the post
>>67445842
purple monkey dishwasher
FELT TABLES DANCE
enjoy your
SAGE
autistic peice of shit
Come on, this is pretty good.
>>67446060
that's the point.
>>67445842
this is a pretty good post for a shit post
My Grandfather smoked his whole life. I was about 10 years old when my mother said to him, 'If you ever want to see your grandchildren graduate, you have to stop immediately.'. Tears welled up in his eyes when he realized what exactly was at stake. He gave it up immediately. Three years later he died of lung cancer. It was really sad and destroyed me. My mother said to me- 'Don't ever smoke. Please don't put your family through what your Grandfather put us through." I agreed. At 28, I have never touched a cigarette. I must say, I feel a very slight sense of regret for never having done it, because your post gave me cancer anyway.
>>67446060
>Globalist elite establoishment
>Soros
It's amazing how close Garrison gets to calling out the Jew, yet never does.
sometimes it's better to not try to be funny
>>67446940
*Establishment
>>67445842
*gets jiggy with it*
>>67446060
>>67446940
What do you people who unironically dig Ben Garrison's cartoons think of the onion's political cartoons?
>>67446714
If that isn't pasta, it is now. Bravo.
>>67447229
It is pasta!!! learn to google you noodle
>>67447123
Snarky, passive-aggressive, epitome of what's wrong with Cultural Marxism. Can be funny though
>>67447229
It's old pasta newfag
>>67447357
Ok. The Onion's political cartoons are satire of snarky political cartoons. They lampoon political cartoons, and aren't meant to be taken seriously.
>>67447053
b... b... aw.
you just ruined my night.
>>67447632
All of their retarded followers take the message seriously and it's a problem
>>67447229
HowNu.ru
>>67447483
It must have been a while since I've seen that one posted.
>>67447346
>Using the spynet. Ever.
>>67447785
You think so? It might be.
>>67447936
learn to Duck^2 Go
>>67445842
not bad op. Needs some work tho
>>67445842
I didn't really get a lot of the lines like "spends weekend watching reality tv", but I laughed really hard because of how long It was.
>>67447936
that damage control
>>67445842
This is what happens when the left wing get ahold of a joke they don't like. They try and turn it around on the creators because of their ideology, but completely miss why it was funny or why it resonated. They will stretch the joke out for far longer than it needs to be. The result is just unfunny and inaccurate. Their joke never goes anywhere and they get even more bitter at their failures.
>>67448241
>>67447632
>>67447346
>>67447123
>>67446607
>>67445842
Get a job, Wayne.
>>67449282
Aww, why you gotta BTFO me :(? Just because rightists make the best comedy and the best art (like pic related) doesn't mean you gotta pick on me :(((
>>67449584
lmao nah wrong
>>67449897
Through criticism we grow. If I saw you walking down the street, looking like an idiot, unaware that you had just trod in dog shit and going over to your girlfriend's place, I'd be remiss to tell you.
>>67445842
AY YO HOL UP
*lives with grandmother*
SO YOU BEE SAYN
*opens package of fruit snacks*
WE WUZ
*pushes price tag of hat away from face*
KANGZ
*repeats 7th grade*
AN SHIET?
*gets bitten by own dog*
>>67451217
I'm sorry, my response to you was ironic. Old Boots New Dirt is a famously bad album made by a conservative country-pop artist. The vast majority of acclaimed comedians are decidedly, if idiosyncratically, liberal.
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