Can you guys answer something for me.
Americans on the internet always seem to imply that they take extremely lengthy trips to the toilet, they are constantly talking about how they like to take a newspaper or smartphone onto the toilet with them, and they especially like to get "settled in for the long haul" the morning after a night of "Taco Bell" or "chili dogs". Afterwards they will describe how they hate the inconvenience of having to take a shower afterwards.
Is this really true? Is it as common as they make it out to be? Is the American diet so poor and lacking in fibre that they don't realise how abnormal this is? I will describe to you my average poo - usually in the morning after some coffee I will feel the urge to defecate. I will sit on the toilet for maybe 30 seconds and then painlessly release a couple of semi-solid logs of faeces. Afterwards I will use a few squares of toilet paper to clean up. I do not need to shower because I do not get poo everywhere. The whole operation from start to finish takes around 2 minutes. I do not go out of my way to eat a lot of fibre, I just have a normal diet.
I am genuinely curious.
Love from Hong Kong
>>57371019
this is accurate for most rural americans, and poor urban americans. diet is mostly fats, proteins and carbs. berry liddle fyber.
I love to read and take a fat shit at the same time.
This doesn't even last longer than a 4-5 minutes though.
I'd imagine if you're a real fucking tub of lard with a gallon of shit inside you it would take much longer.
My skinny ass pushes out a few rabbit pellets and I'm done.
>>57371019
>I just have a normal diet.
>Hong Kong
Maybe dog is a super food?
>>57371019
>extremely lengthy trips to the toilet
I shit very fast. Usually faster than it takes to pee. Big fast shits, like a b-52 unloading all at once.
They are not used to spicy food, i shit normally in the morning after eating my huevos rancheros.
Do Asians eat what westerners would call "white" bleached rice or "brown" rice with the husk? The husk adds a lot of fiber.
To answer your question, I actually think the problem is that American toilets are built too high. I've heard that lower, all the way down to squat toilets, are better.
When people eat things other than white rice and raw seafood their poops are bigger and longer.
>>57371019
we have become more efficient and only need to take a gigantic shit every few days it is the next step of human evolution
Hero mi frien,
now, let me explain it for you. Jew, he run american media. He boss. He tell when makey fried rice.
Jew, he write very bad things about white man. Draw cartoon make him look funny.
People inHhong Kong, they no understan that Jew present image of America to make White man no good.
But Jew is no good. Jew is boss here and make fun. no true. no true.
Help?
>>57371019
Their mostly fat. I workout and I'm skinny so I poop maybe once every two days
I am at 20 minutes now. Haven't had a nugget in 10.
This is my only break from being awesome and productive. And fat.
>>57371019
I honestly have no idea but my guess would be the jews and liberals gave all our fiber to the niggers
>>57371248
>have mexican neighbors
>they throw a party
>all their fat ugly non-english speaking relatives come over and play their mariachi music
>her wife comes to my house "Here's the left overs for you anon."
>"Thanks."
>Walk to the garbage
>dump the food she gave me right into the trash
>>57371727
>her wife
Lesbian Mexicans?
>>57371019
yes finally a shit thread
>tfw you're on the toilet too long with diarrhea and the next bout comes before you've even cleaned up after the last
i think the exact same thing bro. i don't understand how people can sit there for longer than 5 minutes (and even that's pretty extreme, unless you got the shits) and read a newspaper/look at their phone. sometimes i take my phone in, but i'm done within 30 secs-2 minutes and i realise it was just an inconvenience to have brought the phone at all.
>>57371727
You have the right to shot them in the head, going to another country and not adapting to the life style in there is disrespectful.
We made fun of the immigrants rooting for the USA team in the last soccer match between Mexico and USA, but they were right.
>>57371019
When I was newly emancipated I ate all shit food. Pizza, fast food, etc etc and deuces were usually every two or three days and I would spend a good half hour...not pushing the whole time or anything....it just wouldn't be crowning.
Now in my 30s I wake up and head to the toilet immediately and spend 3-5 minutes. Then after breakfast/coffee I'll take a round two. Usually at work by then. That's it
>>57371358
6/10
Not bad but waaaaay to many 'L's to be believable
>just waiting for the first indian post
On a side note - I'm confused by this as well. I shit once a day for around a minute. A few wipes after and done.
But then again I'm not an American wizard.
>>57371019
Its true op I take some horrible sometimes 45 minute to an hour shits that I pray will be over soon because it feels like I've been split in half
A real nice fat log of shit is something to be savored. You need to hold it in until you can't anymore, that way when you actually shit it's just fucking awesome.
I love to prolong it and take my smartphone with me and read. If you don't treasure your shits, you're abnormal as fuck breh
>>57372941
I'm sorry m8 but what you are describing sounds like you are savouring big black logs of some kind or another going in and out of your asshole.
What if you need to shit at work? How do you get away with being away for 30 - 60 minutes?
>>57371255
At home I eat a 50/50 mix of white and golden rice. In restaurants it is almost always white.
>>57371019
>store
No. My life is so easy that I can devote 20 minutes to reading every time I have to take a shit. Multitasking. Maybe if you came from a country that didnt shit from a squat position or made any money you could relax with every turd too!
>>57372941
My fellow master dump wizard. This man knows the real pleasures of life.
>>57373100
>going in and out of your asshole
If it's coming back in bro you should really see a doctor
GERMANS
Do you guys really have the shelf so you can examine your shit before it goes down?
>>57372941
>I like prostate stimulation
>I hold my shit so I can almost have an orgasm while I shit
>I'm totally not gay.
Anon please.
>>57375113
>Do you guys really have the shelf so you can examine your shit before it goes down?
That's pretty normal over here. I assume it's to prevent backsplash or because it needs less water to flush.
Americans are always shitting themselves as well in public and just walking around like it's normal.
>>57375336
I was told it was for examination. My question is dosnt that leave bitchin skid marks all over the porcelain? LIke needs a brush or some ajax to remove?
>>57375500
We take it home and flush it. Unlike the Indians we care about the planet.
>>57371019
I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about Dumb Chink. you think 300 million people are represented by some peoplee who talk about shitting on the internet?
It's because it's super unhealthy to push it out. Hernias, prolapses, burst blood vessels in your eyes, strokes, even... Reverse pooping can happen if you do that. Seriously. Just grab something to read / your phone and relax and grab that extra 15 minute break from work every three hours.
What type of toilet do you use? western kind or squat toilet?
>>57371019
>american and a newspaper
>>57371019
nice proxy, India
>>57371019
It's an old gag where dad will take a newspaper or book into the bathroom for an extended period of time as an excuse to get away from his unbearable fucking family for five minutes.
I shit maybe once a week at the most. I'm also an opiate addict, but even before that It was like that.
>>57375927
Hence the quote "dont pull an Elvis".
>>57375969
Do you guys still use newspapers?
>>57376084
just pellets right?
>>57375964
>not installing a squat toilet to force yourself to max out your gainz
dyel?
>>57371019
Nah most of us get colostomy bags installed around 12 years of age so we don't have to take our eyes off of Fox News to shit. We have Mexican nursemaids to change the bags weekly.
>>57375579
Just use the convenient toilet brush next to the toilet
>>57371019
Studies show people who spend little time in the bathroom are insecure with thier body.
>>57376129
Giant ones, and i clog the toilet every fucking time.
>>57376153
Squat toilets are healthier, if OP uses one it could explain why he's quicker.
>>57371019
I spend about 1 minute pooping and 20 minutes doing porn on my phone avoiding work dezu sempai
Am I the only one who gets proud if I can make a shit pile up high enough to break the water line?
>>57371019
I'd say it's a mixture of diet, laziness (because we don't want to get up), and sitting toilet rather than your Turkish toilets.
Haha. This whole fucking thread is a gold mine. I haven't even had my vitamin and juice yet faggots
>>57376328
I'm a skinny fuck but sometimes I push out 9 inch long huge round logs that look like nigger dicks and wonder how I managed to do it.
>>57376328
That's like 1 small shit. Why is your water line so high?
>>57371019
Hong Kong is a country? I thought it was a city in China
>>57371019
Nothing better than online shopping whilst having a fat shit m8.
>>57376241
iktf bru
>>57371019
a normal American meal is roughly twice the amount of a normal meal in Hong Kong
>>57376454
Big kids take big shits.
That and your country takes the global warming crap to new heights.
>>57371019
I do the same thing. I even get up an hour earlier to poo. I take quite some time and even they I still have to shit. I could shit the entire day I guess.
Newspaper and smartphone is fine to kill some time. I really like pooing in the loo.
>>57376567
Why do German toilets have the shelf? Do you inspect each poop?
>>57376618
>Not knowing about German shit inspection day
My diet is mostly meat (white & fish ), lot of milk products (cheese hue ), greens, with some veggies sometime.
Carbs take maybe only one third and it's mostly bread, potatoes and pasta.
I shit once every one or 2 day and it's always a perfect log which require one wipe because it leaves nearly nothing.
Thanks god for EU regulation on food, it's the only thing they do right for now.
>>57376618
Only old ones do. I think it's cheaper,too, because most "public" still have those.
>>57376711
public places*
>>57376690
>which require one wipe because it leaves nearly nothing.
God I Envy you. Mine is like wiping a marker. I'm seriously thinking about a bidet
I can't help but feel Indian shitting practices are unfairly maligned. They're just trying to preserve the integrity of their colons. Diverticulitis is no joke, and poor poo'ing techniques contribute to this unfortunate disease.
As an American, I hereby vow to amend my ways by popping a shit-squat now, and I encourage all my fellow Americans to join me.
Most of the time we don't take that long either, but we just like to sit there for a while sometimes.
If you wait there a while after the 2 minutes you can shit again a little bit to really clean out the colon.
When we have shit to do we don't wait for the 2nd shit to come.
Sometimes we have messy shits and plan to shower anyways so it's easier to just shower anyways after wiping to really make sure we got it all.
I've been raised to eat any meat I'm given before anything else and usually I have been given plenty of meat to eat leaving less room for anything else. My parents say this because meat costs a lot more than vegetables and such.
I probably shouldn't be speaking for everyone else on this, because I'm very different in shitting.
I go 2+ days before I need to shit and then I shit a lot.
>>57377037
Watch an idiot abroad. The chinese have squat toilets. The indians do that shit on the damn beach.
>>57371019
An American once tried to make fun of me, when I told him that I only take 1 or 2 minutes max to take a shit.
Kept accusing me of taking it up the ass, having an asshole so stretched, everything came out easily.
>>57377037
You eat too much starch. Fries and burger buns cause that.
>mfw Americans love to talk about how much they enjoy pooping, and even drink coffee because it makes them shit even more than they already do
Yet these prudes can't handle a nipple on the tele. All of you fucks are coprophiliacs in denial, and I have learned nothing of value from studying "abroad" in this dying empire. Even the Indians don't talk about poo as much as Americans do, it's a bit concerning
It is true that Americans take long in the toilet. I stay in there like half an hour. But it only takes about 5-10 minutes for me to actually take the shit, the rest of the time I'm just sitting in there reading.
>>57371019
I always take a book with me to the toilet or my laptop. It's more because I don't want to stop reading or watching something then taking especially long shits.
>>57377117
Do you?
>>57375113
>>57375579
You're watching too many Žižek lectures, Anon.
>>57371019
It's pretty much only the men who do this. They don't necessarily have watery shit, they just fake a very long time and spend an extra 10 minutes dicking around on their phones or reading magazines. I'm not sure why they love basking in the smell of their own shit so much.
>>57377220
No, sir.
Really though, I think it's just a cultural thing where Americans like to stay in the can for extended periods to read. There's even a Seinfeld joke about this where George says "if it wasn't for bathrooms, we would have no books."
People in the UK eat even more disgusting fat-filled meals than Americans do and only spend 5 minutes in the can, take the shit and leave. Americans light up a cigarette and linger in there reading the paper.
I can't explain why.
>>57377420
Well alright then.
>>57377544
>taking pride in fecal self-marination
Errrrr, that's grim, senpai. Your poo particles are giving you your own unique flavour.
>>57377656
I never said I was proud, bong.
>>57371019
This stopped the moment I started using a box to lift my feet
>>57371019
>doesnt shower
>drinks caffeinated kikewater
>considers eating a taco to be "a really big adventurous night out"
you seem confused.
It's simple, when I'm in the bathroom, no one can bother me.
No one can walk in and start talking about shit I don't want to hear. I get to be alone for 15 minutes without hearing a dumb story or having to listen to someone ask me the same question they asked me 4 times already.
Rest of the world except maybe Japan, explain how can you possibly live without pic related.
> muh civilisation
> no bidet
t. Clean arse
>>57375964
Western bowel toilet, 95% of toilets here are western, it's only really public parks and very old buildings that still have squat toilets.
>>57371019
I can use a stool and take a dump in 30 seconds or less. Or I can masturbate for 40 minutes because my wife isn't putting out and I can say "I was taking a dump".
>>57378586
those things are nasty. Japan gets a pass because theirs go directly into the toilet.
