I decided upon creating a unique religion where I am the prophet of Satan. Any advice on making my religion spread across the world? I'm definitely including polygamy for increased numbers of followers. Nature will be respected in the future or something fucks up and we all die. Sorry /pol/ but I must do this, if it doesn't work I'm going to write a new bible after that with implications that I'm a prophet of God or something because the world's largest religions seem to have that common theme.
>>56464559
Pretty sure a bunch of faggot edgelords have beat you to it.
First maple autist I've seen in a loooong time.
>Vates The Prophet Of Satan
come back when you pass high school
>>56464559
Maybe you should spike your hair, buy some gloves with the fingers cut off, and see if your mom will drive you to Hot Topic to pick out some shirts.
>>56464559
But Anon, I am the true messenger of Satan, and he says he is sorry for his past transgressions and shall soon repent for his sins and beg for Gods' forgiveness. He urged all of his followers to mend their ways as well and swear off their false doctrines of Islam, Judaism, Hinduism and Mormonism, and others. He now accepts that the Roman church is Gods chosen path to righteousness and glory.
>>56464985
Dropped out nigga.
>>56464559
Which one? God has more than one spy.
>>56465382
What? keked a little at the "spy" thing.
Behold the world as it is. The world is full of pain and pleasure, life and death, love and hate. How can we say that Satan is good or bad? No, Satan is a being of balance and continuation is his priority. He is the brightest noon and darkest midnight, all you cherish and all you hate. "Seek what you will in this world" he says in my ear. He only guides and does not judge you. Any that would scorn you for your pleasures is wrong. We are all meant to live a different life leading to balance in the world. What happened when people started to lock up killers? The world became overpopulated in certain areas. Plagues then killed many more than would have been killed by any group of murderers. There is always balance in the end. Do you think with all our technology we can truly avoid the mass starvation and war that comes with overpopulation? The answer is no. Simply put we have destroyed nature too much and now bees no longer help our crops grow. We have forgotten nature in all it's perfection. We have unbalanced the entire world and must rebalance it slowly if we are to survive. We must move to protect nature (the eternal system), not civilization (the broken system).
So what do you think so far?
>>56464559
You are 50 years too late. If you aren't charismatic you will fail.
>>56465778
Zophiel, m8, Satan, (one of) the Morningstar(s), Spy of God
The Old Names don't just refer to singular entities, they are positions and classifications like we would categorize Thrones, Cherubim, and Seraphs.
>>56466265
Satan the Satanism version.
>>56465233
>implying that GOD would care more about the right religion that being a righteous person
For GOD would be more important for you to be a good person that if you eat bacon or not.
>>56465233
I cannot do no wrong for I know not what it is.
>>56466623
Then you are a beast as one with our lord Satan! Seek pleasure and gratification in this world!
>>56466749
Good lord, recognize your Twaine, Man!
Do it faggot
>>56464684
>>56464738
>>56464985
>>56464997
> we are the first above-ground organization in history openly dedicated to the acceptance of Man’s true nature—that of a carnal beast, living in a cosmos that is indifferent to our existence. To us, Satan is the symbol that best suits the nature of we who are carnal by birth—people who feel no battles raging between our thoughts and feelings, we who do not embrace the concept of a soul imprisoned in a body. He represents pride, liberty, and individualism—qualities often defined as Evil by those who worship external deities, who feel there is a war between their minds and emotions.
>As Anton LaVey explained in his classic work The Satanic Bible, Man—using his brain—invented all the Gods, doing so because many of our species cannot accept or control their personal egos, feeling compelled to conjure up one or a multiplicity of characters who can act without hindrance or guilt upon whims and desires. All Gods are thus externalized forms, magnified projections of the true nature of their creators, personifying aspects of the universe or personal temperaments which many of their followers find to be troubling. Worshipping any God is thus worshipping by proxy those who invented that God. Since the Satanist understands that all Gods are fiction, instead of bending a knee in worship to—or seeking friendship or unity with—such mythical entities, he places himself at the center of his own subjective universe as his own highest value.
>implying this isn't perfectly fucking reasonable.
>>56466058
you remind me of me when I was about 15 and went through my edgy Satanist phase, although I'm still an atheist. Pretty sure you'll look back at shit like you've just written in about 10 years and cringe yourself to death.
Although, on the actual content of it - why talk about Satan? I think this is the most stupid thing about Satanism, is it only makes sense if you believe in Christianity. If you don't believe in God then you don't believe in Satan either logically. Overpopulation, yeah I'll give you that one, although in the western world the problem would solve itself due to our low birth rates if we didn't have so much immigration.
>>56467278
That's non-secular Satanism. I'm aiming for secular Satanism which believes Satan created the universe.
>>56467448
Oh that's gay dude.
>>56467448
Try promising your followers rewards if they kill non-adherents to the faith, instituting daily (or more often) rituals, and banning pork.
>>56464559
have you read the bible? if so, what does satan mean in greek?
>>56467609
I'm planning to write a peaceful section and violent section.
>>56467652
Satan is Hebrew for adversary.
>>56467448
ref. Demiurge/Elohim, it's been done before
you're just creating another avenue to the Christ analogue
myself, I worship Marduk
>>56467768
> Sumerian god
Noice.
>>56467738
if god created you, why do identify with an adversary of him? do you deny your father?
>>56467768
I actually just replaced all the "Satan" with the word God.
>>56468021
I am a prophet of God now I need not answer to you. Yep, just decided.
>>56468139
you will answer to him if not me.
>>56468021
That's right I'm writing the new edict.
>>56468075
eh, I mean, you can do as you please, I just don't see what angle you're going for
I worship the dual triumvirates of Enki, Tammuz, Marduk, Tiamat, Inana, and Lilith because they represent prevalent factors in my life as well as ideals I seek to emulate or incorporate more fully into my life. Not to mention all six form a really neat urgic cycle.
I'm still a little disappointed the "magic" side of things hasn't worked out like I'd hoped, but they give what they give, y'know?
>>56468186
You will have your answers when I write the new edict.
>>56464559
Whenever I get down about my life, I will think of this post and things will be all better.
>>56465245
>vates the prophet of satan
>dropped out of high school because he was MLG 420 blaze it xbox play cal of duty black ops 3 big bong hits faggot illuminati mountain dew doritos
Move to Hawaii and contact local Satan worshippers online. Soon you'll have a whole island in your grasp
>>56464559
Sorry bro, you don't just decide to start a religion. You become possessed by a force greater than yourself, you are enriched by visions and no longer dwell in this realm. Prophets are propelled by invisible momentum.
>>56468647
I constantly see visions of half naked women though.... Seriously am I the prophet of Satan?
>>56468647
The doctors of course say schizophrenia but I'm fairly certain I'm the prophet of Satan.
>>56468647
I'm not even trolling about that one I see half-naked women as images in my minds eye constantly.
>>56469182
I see myself as a half-naked woman as images in my mind's eye constantly, what's your point?
>>56469590
No point really. That's concerning information though.
>>56469590
Actually I meant to imply that because I see pictures of half-naked women I am the prophet of Satan.
>>56469182
I'm not saying your claims aren't possible. I'm curious though, what personal data or evidence do you base your theory on? Is it just a feeling or have you had some confirmation? Have you met with whom you claim to represent?
Also, visions of women are to be expected of any man, it's part of our reproductive programming.
>>56469936
And I'm an incomplete idol to Baphomet, again I should ask your point of the claim.
Also I presume you're a human being attracted to women, so I'm not exactly surprised they occupy your thoughts in a half-nude state. It's actually fairly normal- do they occupy your thoughts to an intrusive extent? do you refrain from masturbation?
>>56470028
No I mean I actually see them.
>>56470114
Sorry meant to say I actually see images of half naked women in front of my face. They are however partially see through.
>>56470138
Ooooh, you mean vivid tulpa-esque hallucinatory manifestations?
>>56470212
>>56470190
>>56470138
Right, okay, what do these semi-nude women do or say that makes you think you should be Satan?
>>56470212
Pretty much.
>>56470302
>implies I am Satan
I used to think exactly that actually.
>>56470362
sorry, prophet of Satan, pardon my lack of reading comprehension
>>56464559
Go to the deepweb and call all the edgelords who listen to every esoteric teaching
>>56470437
As soon as I have my bible together.
>>56470437
I heard the deep has gone to shit lately, nothing but trolls, govvie pedobaiters, and massmurders posting their vids and hoping the trolls come near them.
anyway /thread
>>56470741
>>56470419
bruh, what did the ghost ladies in your brain do to make you think you're the prophet? Inquiring minds want to know before this gets deported back to /x/
>>56470138
You ignored the entire meat of my post and only addressed the most superficial aspect. Can you re-read my post and answer the more pressing question?
>>56464559
I don't understand why you would want to burn in hell with Satan, but more power to you. Hope you grow up one day and realize this isn't a joke
>>56464559
Autism
Satan is too charged a word. You should be a prophet of God except the God you really worship is Satan. You need a new word for God then. How about Allah?
>>56464559
My eye is on you and I see nothing special.
I see a man, alone, afraid, willing to die.
You are nothing child, in origin and return.
You needn't speak for the Devil, when the Devil despises persons like you.
When you become a Devil, then speak up. For now bow your head and thank your lucky stars you are even alive Human.
