Official Squatchin' how-to thread
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A lot of people these days say sasquampches are a myth. These are usually a couple of dumb sexy hunks who went out with a couple of flashlights, looked around for an hour and forty five minutes, then went home when they found nothing and said squampsatches aren't real.
I'm here to tell you that's a bunch of horse hockey and I can prove it for a thousand dollars. These are five of the easiest steps for officially finding a confirmed sasquench for the science award.
1. Find a squempswotch
This is the hard one. They are level 60 druids so they can teleport, that's why they are naked because clothes don't teleport with you and you need to be naked for seduction spells, which is what they put most of their points into.
The exact moment, the MOMENT you catch a squaptch masturbating with his guard down is your only chance. You have to get naked too, ideally already be naked and throw yourself right at it.
2. The beast with two backs
Time for the jungle dance (you know the one). Locate his anal opening which may be difficult on account of thick fur which will be matted with dried feces near the rim. Chew these off if you have to, it's a real man's breakfast. Now before he can buck you off like a bronco, spit on your johnson and ease the tip into his puckered asshole. Gentle at first but start thrusting pretty soon to incapacitate the squampch with butt pleasure
3. Romantic technique
If you have finesse you will bite his ear lobe and softly sing romantic dubstep jams to him while you are busy plumbing his chocolate factory with your mean bean machine. "AEERROOOUGGHH" he will probably say, which is squimpsotch for "You bold, handsome ruffian." Drop the bass here, it will blow his mind long enough to distract, this is when the juice is loose if you know the common parlance. 2 or 3 good spurts is all you need
4. The miracle of nature
When you withdraw your shit covered dink, he will already be erupting his foul squatch essence into the air, microscopic spores that
fak bahd
i dont fak with no fakin samsquampsh bahd
smokes, lets go
>>624825
You said there were 5 steps. I only see 4. Where's step 5? What is step 5? Why did you exclude step 5?
>>624921
Step five is in your heart
>>624825
>microscopic spores that
That what anon?
Without the rest of the plan , I will likely be kelled trying to catch a squemptch .
Am I the only one here that is addicted to samsquatch c'uckold porn?
>>624925
>mfw I have no heart
REEEEEEEEEE
why not just buy some spwampich spores off ebay
>>625020
They don't keep very long
>>624973
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YxaaGgTQYM&t=1m2s
I tried to capture a squamch
But instead
It captured my heart
>>625173
>Give her the spores
The sarcastic tone of this thread is infuriating.
There is tons of evidence that you people have never seen.
Also people go missing in national forests every day.
This is a real problem somehow has been seen as a conspiracy theory.
Wake up sheeple. Look up in the sky and see your downfall looming.
>>626274
Those are just squemspotch spores you dingus
Catch the falling ones on ur tongue like snowflakes and the next day your belly will be swollen with a miracle of nature as foretold by the squatch prophecies
How do I make a spamspock love me
>>626518
First you must love yourself.
Fucking saskatchewans
Those big hairy monsters are REAL
sqrompches are just MGTOWS that have been away from estrogen for long enough to reach true final male form.
>>628226
Or Italians hiking with their shirts off
>>626519
Then, and only then will you find true happiness.
I don't believe in bigfoot. I want it to be real so bad though. Vids like this make me want to believe.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTsdbKUwenI
>>628472
Spumsquash is as real so long as there is the laughter of children in the world anon
>>628472
sounds like a bounch of dogs distorted by echoes
like you are hearing them through a mineshaft.
>>628226
>>628226
>tfw I wish i could leave society and become a squamtch inna woods....
>>628440
Godfuckingdammit. I thought all the the remaining corkypoofs were safely contained on bounce. Beware the Kimisquanch!
>>624825
I live in Detroit and they are all over the place.
>>630754
urban squimsquams?
that I find hard to believe...
>>630781
They are a subspecies. They are hairless and small and possess singing and athletic ability. I don't think they are as smart as the innawoods squimsquams.
>>630886
are they reproduce with spores? cause then you are fucked.
>>630902
I believe they reproduce by drinking copious amounts of alcohol, which unfortunately is in great supply here.
>>630886
>squimsquams
keked
Do the squamps make the peoples dissapear inna woods like 411?
>>630886
I feel like if I started calling black people squim squams , it would be construed as an epithet even if no one had any idea what it derived from .
Thanks obana.
