It's that time of year when canadian geese start invading campus.
I kicked a goose last year that was attacking some chick, but she got mad and it ended up with me getting a ticket from campus police.
This year I realized that I have pepper spray in my bag. How well does it work on land whales, or does it just make them mad? Also, does it work on geese?
You're a huge fuckwit.
I hope you get pepper sprayed.
Fuck off.
>>622803
I didn't think I'd find you on /out/ of all places.
>>622799
No idea about pepper spray but they absolutely hate it when I try to run them down with my car
Capsaicin is the compound in peppers which causes irritation, and thus makes pepper spray effective. This capsaicin -> pain pathway only exists in mammals. So pepper spray only works against mammals. Reptiles, birds, and all non-mammals feel no pain from pepper spray at all. Read more here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capsaicin
>The seeds of Capsicum plants are dispersed predominantly by birds: in birds, the TRPV1 channel does not respond to capsaicin or related chemicals (avian vs mammalian TRPV1 show functional diversity and selective sensitivity)
>Ground or crushed dried chili pods may be used in birdseed to deter rodents,[32] taking advantage of the insensitivity of birds to capsaicin
I think for geese, kicking them or whacking with a big stick is a better option, if it comes down to it.
>>622808
Someone who respects other living things?
Yeah weird.
We aren't all gun and cruelty obsessed deadbeats from /k/. Some people actually enjoy being /out/ because they respect and care about nature.
>>622811
I'm not looking to purposely harm the geese, they just attack everything that comes near them. Unfortunately for me, they congregate along the path back to my dorm.
>>622810
Thanks, I was not aware of that. Any suggestion on what to do if violence is not an option? I mean, I got the last ticket thrown out, but going to court twice over that stupid matter was a pain in the ass.
>>622814
Yeah well its the same with ducks at my uni. Just give them a wide berth. Works for me
>>622816
I don't think you've ever had this misfortune of meeting Canadian geese.
Duck =/= goose
Goose =/= canadian goose
>>622817
True. I'm an Ausfag. Sounds like your campus should discourage them breeding there
>>622818
They don't breed here. They breed like rabbits up in Canada and then migrate south to the US for the winter. A good 100-200 stop and stay on campus over the winter.
They are pests, but my uni took a very liberal stance on them a few years before I came, so doing anything to physically harm them is against campus rules, hence why I asked about pepper spray.
>>622814
I've been collecting Canada Goose down all fall and I never had a single problem. Don't go within about 6 feet of them though. If they have chicks then just give them a wide berth.
Which movie was it where the guy has this weapon that's like giant secateurs and he uses it to chop the dude's head off? Thunderdome? Escape from LA? Something like that.
I reckon that's what you need for problematic geese.
>>622821
Perhaps ours are just overly aggressive. The swans don't let them in the lake itself, so they take ownership of all the land and paths surrounding it. I've had them hiss at me from a good 10 yards before.
>>622799
Try an air horn when they get close, usually startles them enough to make them fuck off if they don't have little ones around. Not many other options since you're on a campus.
You could always pick up falconry.
First you need to cover yourself head to toe in maple syrup. Since they're Canadian, the syrup will be familiar to them and won't cause them to panic.
Use the cover of darkness to slowly approach one of them.
Make your move, be deliberate but smooth. Grab one of the geese. Now pull out your large can of pepper spray, and spray it directly up the goose's ass.
The goose will inflate until it explodes, sending goose down everywhere. Don't worry, you're ready for this.
Roll around in the goose down quickly. Other geese will be coming to see why Greg just exploded. The maple syrup will be like glue, and the goose down will stick to you. Make sure you cover every inch of yourself.
You are now a goose.
The other geese will be suspicious, this is where you need to be careful. If you just run around blowing pepper spray up the other goose asses, they will catch on quickly and attack.
Slowly gain their trust. It may take weeks even. Eventually you'll have to become the alpha goose. It will involve a man vs goose fight, but the other geese will not interfere out of respect.
You should be able to win this fight, and the former alpha goose will fly away.
You now control the geese.
Since you're the alpha, you'll need to mate with the other geese. This is where your plan comes together.
Just as you're about to penetrate the goose, swap out your boner for the pepper spray. Just like you did to Greg, make that goose explode.
One by one you'll slowly eliminate the geese. Since you're the alpha, they won't question you.
Once you've killed all the geese, you may notice there is a lot of extra goose down laying around. This is where your friends come in, covered in honey.
You now are all geese. You control the campus, and because of the rules, no one can stop you.
You have become legend.
>>622852
>>622799
geese are a nuisance, but you just have to deal with them
>>622852
10/10
My sides have transcended
>>622852
>>622852
All of my this.
>>622852
Haven't actually read anything on here that made me laugh out loud in awhile. Well done sir
>>622852
Thanks mate. Gonna try this.
>>622799
Lots of airports are hiring people to bring in hawks to scare of geese.
Another option is to tell the landscapers to take the winter off. Canada's are grazing birds. If the grass is too tall they will fly right by.
>>622799
BTW they are Canada geese. Not Canadian, they aren't citizens of Canada.
>>622819
What a shit rule.
Try an air horn. Perhaps the greatest honker will prevail.
>>622819
If you can't physically harm them, emotionally harm them.
Call them fat, make fun of their feathers, honk mean things to them, you know, do shit that the cool kids did to you when you were in school.
I hate that these annoying fuckers are considered icons of canada. All they do is make noise and shit everywhere
>>622811
>from /k/
As a sc/out/ who doesn't go to /k/ I resent this statement.
>>622799
>pepper spray in my bag
Check to ensure you're even allowed to have it before using it on a goose. Most the colleges in my area don't even allow mace, much less the LCP I carry. My campus is filled with darkies and has at least one shooting a semester. I'm white and refuse to be a victim of racism so yeahh.
>>622799
Op you fucking pussy, use your human superority
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0do8ruFgGVU
>>622944
Vielen dank.
>>622814
that's weird, there's geese on my campus and they don't give me any problems. only once, I walked near geese with goslings and one of them reared and hissed, but I just ignored it.
>>622852
>>622929
Yeah, it's allowed on campus. My uni is in a swing state, so half the rules are logical and sound while the other half are liberal.
I can carry a blade smaller than the palm of my hand, so I have my old swiss army knife. My pepper spray is just a small can of Saber 3-in-1 pepper spray + mace.
>>622799
>burgers afraid of a geese
Take care that the dangerous squirrels or they might take your last nut lol
Water gun is a good tool to keep nasty birds at bay without harming them. I dont know about these fuckers but swans are huge ass mean fuckers very entitled and shit.
> MFW God damn Canadian Geese coming over the border taking the jerbs of hard working American Geese!
>>622903
>Once you've killed all the geese, you may notice there is a lot of extra goose down laying around. This is where your friends come in, covered in honey.
>You now are all geese. You control the campus, and because of the rules, no one can stop you.
The golf country club in Nanaimo, BC hires a lady with a trained bald eagle for this purpose.
>>623135
>using freedom against canada
that's bullying
> Goose!
> GOOSE! What are you doing here?
> GOOSE STOP! PLEASE STOP!
> I'LL PEPPER SPRAY YOU!
> GOOOOSE!!!
> Goose please stop! PLEASE!
> GOOOOSE!!!
>>622811
>gun and cruelty obsessed deadbeats from /k/
whimpering feckless lib detected, go kick some cairns while jacking off to an LNT pamphlet.
Man you guys are a bunch of pussy ass beta faggots...Good luck surviving in the bush if you need to use weapons against a fucking Goose.
>>623198
kek. exactly what i was thinking
>>622852
Fucking Christ, that's the best thing I have read all day
>>623198
>>622999
Rather a squirrel than a terrorist
>>622811
Geese are the scum of the earth. Also, how does having a gun stop one from respecting nature?
To answer your question OP, cut off your lower jaw, replace it with a metal one, and go running around slicing up geese with a grorious nippon katana while screaming about how jack is back.
>>622852
>other geese will be coming to see why Greg just exploded
>Greg just exploded
>>623198
>>622852
>>622799
Why not just fuck off?
>>623304
>Also, how does having a gun stop one from respecting nature?
You see a lot of people with his stupid attitude on this board sadly.
>>622994
I think a can of brake clean or carb+choke cleaner could be more effective since we've learned pepper spray is ineffective. Perhaps spectricide/hornet killer? It's got a good stream.
>>623638
My cock has a good stream, that doesn't mean I'm gonna run around campus waving it at a gaggle of geese!
WTF is wrong with you people?
> Geese lives matter, too!
>>622811
>gun and cruelty obsessed
Where did Opie say anything about guns? Cruelty I can see, but guns have nothing to do with this thread.
>>623655
>waving it
You're too funny. Fuck Canadian geese. They're the polar opposite of their polite human counterparts.
>>623755
>cruelty I can see
There is literally nothing cruel about kicking an animal that is attacking someone. The girl just sounds like an ungrateful idiot if OP is telling the truth.
I vote blowing pepper spray up their asses
>>622821
Still working on that sleeping bag?
>>623304
>Because no one needs to own a gun in this day and age because they hurt my feelings and make me feel scared. The Founding Fathers were all evil patriarchs.
> OP walking to one of his classes
> he notices a fair maiden getting chased by a big scary goose
> I'll save you M'lady
>*run up and kicks goose*
> nothing personel kid
> girl understands that the goose was just being territorial and she can give them a bit more distance next time
> reports OP for being a goose kicking autist
> OP gets a ticket and makes this thread to plot his revenge on the big bad geese
Well, when you put it like that, OP just just a little goose kicking Nazi!
> fucking goose kickers!
>>624403
I'm not even from your shitty country, but here's a history lesson and some context:
Your founding fathers wrote the second amendment pre-civil war. There wasn't a whole lot of law and order back then.
>"A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State..."
This is 2015. Unless you're in Iraq or West Africa, you don't need a militia.
Your founding fathers were all brilliant visionaries and set your country up for greatness. They just didn't anticipate the corruption and fraud of the NRA.
The Founding Fathers would be "stupid liberals" if they were alive today, champ. How does that feel?
>>624648
Nice way to cut off the part that states "The right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed."
See? The right of the people, not the right of the militia. Furthermore, if you bothered to read the letters written by the framers while the constitution was being written, you would know the intent of the 2nd amendment.
>>622799
I dont get it. Is this a meme? its a fucking goose (the goooseee is loooooose). Just kick it away if they attack you unless you are 1 shit tall and have tiny legs it will never hurt you
>>624658
>>624697
You keep focusing on the militia part while leaving out the rest.
>>624706
anon when they say "the people" they're speaking of a people's militia. not everyday individuals sporting their own private guns in a not-well-regulated manner
>>624711
I don't see any part saying that the people must bear arms in a militia. Also, the intent behind the amendment was clearly to allow the citizenry to have weapons.
>>624711
> assuming
Read The Federalist Papers and then I will argue with you.
Oh wait, I won't because you will already know how wrong you are.
Maybe get a laser pointer and shine it in their eyes?
>>622814
Aww is da poor wittle babby afwaid of da big bad gooses?
>>624899
I see you're a swampling and/or beaner who has never met a Canadian Goose before.
25-40lbs, that's 9.61 stone to our British friends, of hissing, biting, feathery fury.
And geese never attack alone, they always come in packs of at least 3. Do the math, That's at least 75lbs(28.83 stone) of pure satan coming right at you about ball level.
>>624908
absolute max weight is less than 20 lbs, you autistic retard. and, no, they do not attack in packs. http://animals.nationalgeographic.com/animals/birds/canada-goose/
>>624908
>9.61 stone
wat
>>622810
>i can use bearspray on a whale
neat
>>623004
One of the spots i fish for trout has a couple swans living there, over the years they never gave me a problem. One of them even came right up to me one day, i gave it some fish eggs i was using as bait, the asshole didnt want to leave
>>624697
>raised from the civil population
Thanks for countering your own point. The organized militia is commonly known as the "Army National Guard" from state to state. "The People" is VERY clearly referred to as individual citizens throughout the constitution.
>>622811
The goose isn't going to fuck you for white knighting bro.
>>622907
Under rated post. Air horn ftw
Honestly, I carry one of those ultra duty spray bottles that produce a big steam that can go several feet. I load it up with orange juice and hit those fuckers in the face with a spray if they get too close out they look at me. Works well so far.
>>624908
20lbs for the goose almost 40lbs for a big swan
but not even those hissy niggers can seriously menace a grown man.
>Canada geese can cause fatal crashes when they strike an aircraft's engine.
god damnit i guess they are tough shit
>>625168
i use the spray bottle also. but fill it with paint stripper or oven cleaner. it did a number on this junk yard dog years ago.
>>622810
confirmed: pepper spraying geese/non-mammals is best new meme on /out/
>>624908
I've been around plenty of Canada Geese. You stupid nigger, you don't even know their proper name. Fuck off with your fear of a goddamned bird, you little bitch. They're inept and easily kickable.
>ball height
What are you even worried about? Its obvious you have no balls to protect. Fuck off back to /r9k/ you little bitch.
>>624908
top kek
>>625230
holy shit
>>625271
This
>>622852
>swap out your boner
>>622852
HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA
:') thanks for writing this. i needed it!
>>622799
Pepper spray won't work on avians like geese, but chemical mace probably would.
Geese are cross-dimensional, soulless affronts to nature.
Therefore, cruelty to geese is not only not respectful to nature, it is a very pure from of adoration for nature.
>>624697
fucking idiot.
10 U.S. Code § 311, dingus, read it. Every able bodied male over the age of 18 is part of the militia are thus are allowed to own firearms. The other side of this coin, however, is that unless a woman joins the national guard, she isn't.
also might want to read up on, you know, actual court cases such as DC vs Heller.
To stay on topic, OP did the right thing if a goose was attacking someone. Fighting back against an attacking animal isn't cruel or bad.
But seriously OP just kick it or something.
>>627609
> (b) The prefatory clause comports with the Court’s interpretation of the operative clause. The “militia” comprised all males physically capable of acting in concert for the common defense. The Antifederalists feared that the Federal Government would disarm the people in order to disable this citizens’ militia, enabling a politicized standing army or a select militia to rule. The response was to deny Congress power to abridge the ancient right of individuals to keep and bear arms, so that the ideal of a citizens’ militia would be preserved. Pp. 22–28.
Forgot to add a quote from DC vs Heller
Why does everyone on this board enjoy animal abuse so much? I thought that most people here hunted and therefore had some sort of respect for nature and animals.
>>627611
>>627611
They don't really, or at least wouldn't have the stomach for it were they to act on their suggestions. It is a weird compensatory facade that results from the wussification of American males.
Besides, anyone who needs to arm himself with a weapon to defend against a goose is intrinsically weak. Nothing with that long of a neck could win a fight against a suitably conditioned human.
>>627620
I don't think the point is "who will win, man v goose". The point is he doesn't want to have to get into a man v goose fight in the first place.
>>627611
Geese are not animals. They are evil demons sent by the devil himself to terrorize innocent park goers and cover once beautiful parks in mountains of shit.
>new patch
>>623198
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T5ltWVTnTZQ
>>627930
Needs pepper spray in his hand and a raging boner
>>627620
We've been doing shit like this since the site's conception desu
>>628695
I'm on it. Give me a few hours to get back home.
>>622799
Next time help the goose bro out and curb stomp the land whale.
>>625168
Do this but with grape juice. Landscapers spray grape extract on the lawns of rich people who don't want to step in goose shit, they hate grapes for whatever reason.
>>624697
>>624648
Self defense is a human right, and you've been disarmed to entrench the power of the elites over you. There was once a time when you needed to bear your panoply in order to have your voice counted as a free man at assembly, and honestly that time continues till today, you've just been convinced that your life is worth less than public order.
>>627611
There is a difference between game and vermin.
There are 5 million Canada geese and they mostly winter around people. So they aren't game.
>>622810
Horses can get pepper sprayed without effect too? Or maybe it was tear gas..?
>>629101
>horses aren't mammals
Become alpha goose OP
Is OP goose?
>>622799
No one likes these things, and everyone whose property is affected wants them eradicated.
But they are internationally protected. They can be hunted, but only in season, in areas legal to fire a gun.
That leaves noise, which only works for a while, and you have to keep doing it forever, and dog services, which are fabulously expensive.
My advice is adopt a spaniel. they hate geese, and give you a layer of insulation against legal charges. Just walking a spaniel leashed within 30 feet will flush honk to wing. And you get to experience the loyalty of a based spaniel bro.
>>629723
Man they can be neurotic though if not properly engaged. My aunt has a springer spaniel.... it just paces and chews all day if it doesn't get worked out like 8 hours a day.
That dog will come to our lake, jump in the water, and dig up a baseball sized rock, bring it to shore, leave it, then go get another. All. Day. Long. There will be a pile of 50 rocks and that dog keeps retrieving rocks. All. Day. Long.
>>622907
top kek
Geese are fucking scum.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6OStX_wrWGg
This entire thread is just fucking beautiful
>>622799
We must remove honk.
>>629101
I think they can tolerate high doses of strychnine, is that what you're thinking of? No idea about capsaicin or tear gas.
You saved my day
>>622852
kek
But is this even legal?
>>622799
Just kick it you pussy.
>>632353
> actually worries about geese police
>>632425
If OP can get a ticket from campus police by kicking a goose, I don't think causing a whole flock of geese to explode would sit well with them.
Well as long as OP covers his tracks and doesn't get caught.
People actually care about these fucking things? Whenever they land in my yard, I eat goose for months.
>>624908
9 stone is like a fully grown woman
>>630087
Sounds about right. Mine gets about 50 field days a year and he thinks he hunts every morning and evening for about an hour and a half at the park. He can turn it off when he comes inside. Hates honk with a genetic devotion.
>>632353
Yes of course it is.
kek, I'm with you OP.
Show those bastards who's boss. These things are pests who attack children.
>>622799
I don't think birds taste pepper/capsasin /(we used to put it in birdfeed so the squirrels wouldn't eat it, birds didn't seem to mind) so I don't know if it would affect their eyes.
