a bird shits on your car
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>a bird shits on your car
I've always wanted to hold down the bird and diarrhea shit all over it.
>>15070729
>>15070735
Gotta break out the gun and thin out the herd
>>15070729
>bird sits on your mirror
/shit goes behind the glass
>>15070729
,>not having 4 wax coats over the entirety of your vehicle so it just slides off
>>15070749
I used to do this when I lived in a redneck state
>sparrows everywhere
>finished waxing the car
>go inside and come out to see it pooped on in a couple spots
>casually grab a shotgun and take out like three clusters of the fuckers in 5 minutes
>hose the poop off and call it a day
There were always more unfortunately
>>15070729
>park no where near trees or vegetation
>bird still shits on my car
>bird shits on my car
>it's a beaten up corolla not even worth 800 bucks
>>15070729
>As soon as you finished washing it
>>15070729
>flock of sick bird shits on your car
>drive to gas station
>gas station squigy is bone dry
>try anyway
>dry smeared bird shit everywhere
>>15072604
those squige things are terrible for your car
>>15072013
>4 coats of wax
Why didn't I think of that?
>>15072618
And hard to spell too
>>15072618
no worse than smeared bird shit
>>15072618
>>15072625
Squeegee
t. ex-window cleaner
>A LEAF LANDS ON YOUR CAR
Boys, the burds are your friends
>>15072642
>Pollen
>POLLEN EVERYWHERE
>>15072651
>black car
>only place I can park is underneath a tree
I accept my fate.
>>15072655
>Black car
>Green for two months every year
I've just accepted it rather than trying to clean it.
>>15072651
>tfw black car
>wake up its yellow
>>15072655
>Parking in front of work
>Power lines
>Guarantee bird shit
>Side of work
>Trees
>Pollen, leafs, and bird shit
I given up on living
>mfw i live on a dirt road
>driving to work like usual
>birds flying extra low across the front of my car
>he tries to cross the road like a sick cunt
>eats my windshield and spins out somewhere
Fucking birds, man.
>>15072057
You dun good, anon. House sparrows are pests of the noisiest and hungriest caliber. They scare away all my songbirds and it pisses me off.
>>15072725
i hit a bird on my Motorcycle once
spooked it out of a ditch and it hit me right in the face going about 65mph
thankfully i had a full helm on
>car is filthy as hell
>think about cleaning it
>check the weather channel
>thunderstorms later
>go out for a lazy drive when it starts pouring
Comfiest shit ever
>>15072750
God damned genius.
>>15070729
>Don't drive for a week
>Flying foxes have been going to town on your roof in the meantime.
>>15070729
>>a bird shits on your car
I see a freshly waxed car.
Run back to my car which has a big sealable container of birdseed and a big cup.
Fill cup with birdseed.
Run back to the freshly waxed car.
Grate some exlax shavings to mix with the seeds in the cup (shake shake shake to mix gratings with seeds).
Scatter exlax coated birdseed all over the ground near the car.
Leave.
Birds come back since they have good eyes for birdseed food.
Bird eats and is full. It now needs to super poop.
Birds only partially digest so you can take advantage of that by feeding them certain foods such as oily food. Their poop is then oily and merges with the surface of the paint better. That's the source of sticky poop that doesn't wash off so fast. Acidic foods will make more acidic poop.
Exlax melts and coats the seeds in summer heat. So try that if you want the birds to not only poop, but to have super poop. Poop is Love. Poop is Life. Anal sex is great.
Damn, i forgot how does the birt poop looks like on a car.
They didn't touch my Alfa for a long time.
>>15072750
>dirt next to driveway
>after it rains my car ends up dirtier than before
>>15072354
>park inside garage
>bird still shits on car
>>15072646
>things that never happened
>>15074977
If this isn't some sort of fresh copypasta, then I sincerely hope you get T-boned on the driver's side by a runaway flaming oil tanker. Your fetish is as self-explanatory as your existence, and you are a cancerous smear on humanity.
>>15072685
>"why do you go mudding in your sports car, anon? It's too low for that!"
Every fucking time it rains
>Feed a flock of birds near a busy car park laxatives
who else here is >devilish?
>crash your car into auschwitz
>save all the bird Jews
>they shit on your car
