Suddenly there's some blurry blob right before your eyes. You can literally feel it in your face.
You move your head back 3 inches and see this.
What now?
Tell him to hop in the passenger seat, tell him it's gonna be a long ride.
>panic
>crash
>roll over
>die
is this what you wanted op
great thread
wow
props bro
so good
really having fun with this one
HARD MODE:
eggs start farting out onto your face and nose
Tell spider bro it's okay as long as he doesn't mess with the radio
Remember that I don't live in Australia.
The end.
>>14658082
kek
>>14658069
>panic
>crash
>roll over
>die
>spiders hatch on my corpse
is this what you wanted op
great thread
wow
props bro
so good
really having fun with this one
>>14658078
but what if he actually lives in the radio?
>reassure self that it's only the drugs
>keep drivan
>>14658040
This has happened before to me in my old truck (it had no driver side window for a bit) i was driving to get gas and i felt something on my eyebrow region. I looked up and it was a fucking spider climbing in a single string of web. I started sweating as it looked like a dangerous fucking spider. But i did not panic, i waited calmly until i got to a red light and i blew on it as hard as i possibly could, it got stuck on my sun shade visor thing (what are these officialy called?) And i picked up a napkin i had sitting in my cup holder and smashed it.
>>14658092
you must be fun at parties
>>14658040
Wonder how the fuck I got to Australia
>>14658105
>drink to much
>get alcohol poisoning
>die
is this what you wanted anon
great reply
wow
props bro
so good
really having fun with this one
>>14658092
>>14658113
Stop.
>>14658040
>>14658040
Finish my beer and pull over.
>>14658129
>I try to stop
>but you still reply
>this cycle never ends
>repeats forever
>until we die
is this what you wanted anon
great reply
wow
props bro
so good
really having fun with this one
>>14658040
You fucks have nothing on me
>Driving home
>everything's cool
>suddenly pain in eye
>fucking eyelash
>rub
>rubrubmotherfucker
>doesn't go away, whatever
>get home and chill out for a couple hours expecting eyelash to work it's way out
>give up, run water through eye for 10 minutes, fuck with eyelid, everything, not coming out
>live on my own, have to drive into the hospital barely able to keep my eyes open because they're forcing themselves shut with pain
>see doctor
>does the eye thing with the scope, had to use numbing drops to let me keep my eye open long enough to see in
>Whatever dude, it's a piece of plastic
>uses swab to get it out, feels creepy as shit because my eye is numb, but I can still feel him poking around in there
>makes comment about how my eye is scratched up and I'm gonna need to use antibacterial drops for a week
>whatever
>Finally chill
>Look at the 'plastic' he dug out
>It's a fucking spider and it's legs are all torn off and shit
>"Oh yeah, I thought it'd be better not to tell you while it was in your eye, last person that happened to fainted and almost broke their nose"
I don't know how to keep living knowing a spider can just fucking walk into your eye when you least expect it, thank god it was a small one and not poisonous.
>>14658172
Man that's bad. My story isn't nearly as terrifying, but nevertheless...
>Be me
>Summertime.jpg
>Lounging around on the front lawn when I feel a tickling deep in my ear.
>Reach up to scratch my ear, but I can feel something in there.
>Instinctively pinch and remove foreign object from ear.
>Giantasswrigglingdaddylonglegs.gif
>NOPE.. All my nope the end.
>>14658172
Jesus fucking christ
>>14658172
yep, nopepope of the thread so far.
>>14658172
>tfw insects regularly manage to lodge themselves in my eye
>can feel that shit in there
.sometimes it only comes out a day later, one body part at a time
>tfw worried I might still have a fly leg in my eye juice
JUST
>>14658986
>eye juice
>>14659010
Lacrimal fluid you autist
>>14658040
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZUWOFsRCIQ
I found a spider dangling in my face when I was driving this morning. It was the tiniest spider I've ever seen but it still made me move my head back, I just threw it out the window
Something similar happened to me ages ago, still remember it to this day,
Wagging from TAFE (yes, Australia) and drove to a shopping centre about 45 minute drive away, waiting on a red light and i felt something crawling up my arm and it was a spider similar to one in OP pic.
Tried to shoo it away but it just crawled faster up my sleeve, so i panicked like a motherfucker, and the light went green.
immediately parked on the side of the road, got out and started shaking around like an idiot.
Never found the spider again, probably crawled up my asshole and died.
how the heck do they get in your car in the first place
>>14659048
call 'em tears, wise ass
>>14659139
They're called tears when you cry like a little bitch
Palm that bitch into next Thursday.
>>14658040
pic related
>driving at a leisurely pace
>notice movement in the upper edge of my vision
>large spider has crawled out from under the sun visor
>jesus fucking christ
>do my best impression of speed bag training
>it falls
>think I nailed the shithead but stomp around to make sure it's really dead
>continue my journey
>ten minutes later notice movement on the lower edge of my vision
>it's coming up the seatbelt, already on shoulder height
>yank the steering wheel so I hard I nearly go off the road
>panic brake, hop out, GET IT OFF ME GET IT OFF ME GET IT OFF ME
Had there been more speed, I would have probably binned it.
Don't even mind spiders as long as they keep a respectful distance and don't congregate. If one wants to chill in a dark corner keeping my house clean of fruit flies it's all good to me
>>14659253
That story and those opinions, you're basically me.
eat it to gain its powers
>>14658082
>be Australian
>shitty little webspinning stowaway in my car
>cunt gets eaten by the huntsman living under the passenger seat
It's like you softcocks don't keep a domesticated huntsman in the car for emergencies like this.
its just the homie spider loco
I'd tease the spider until he bites me. Then I become Spiderman, but this time I end up with the girl.
>>14658040
Grab the web open the window put spider out, and speed back up to 140mph.
>>14658040
Ayy, a second gen Legacy
>>14659253
>>14659848
>>14658040
this happened but i was a passenger
>had fastfood napkins on me
>grab napkin, grap spider
>roll down window
>out goes spider
>move head 3 inches forward
>open mouth and drown the spider with my saliva
>once the slider is unconscious insert spider body into foreskin for sexual thangs n such
>>14659848
>>14659849
Err, I wouldn't do well.
>Few years ago heading home from work
>First summer ride in my 2.3t Ford Ranger - it was my summer DD
>Driving along and I saw a spider on the dash
>Reached out to squish the little bastard
>The dash rattled as I smashed him
>I pulled my hand away to inspect the mess..
>Unexpectedly the little bastard jumped towards me
>More of them came out of the dash
>Panicked and came to a screeching halt
>Jumped out and ran a good 15 feet away
>Looked back and the truck was rolling away
>Ran back towards the truck and held the windowsill until I was able to stop it
>Reached in and kicked the parking brake
>Ended up calming myself down and eventually accepted the fact they're just jumping spiders
>I'll deal with it when I get home
>Bug bombed the cab and then febreezed everything
I don't mind a single spider. Unless it's huge. Or has a lot of eyes. Or it's coming towards me.
>>14658040
>tfw a spider or spiders live in my motorbike
I swear I'm going to find out exactly how many have taken up residence when I'm out riding one of these days.
>havent driven car for a month
>take it out for a drive down the freeway into the city to get some groceries
>notice some shit up by rear view mirror
>think its some dust or who knows what
>wipe it with my hand and run hand across bottom of the mirror
>cluster of like 100 tiny baby spiders has now been disturbed and they are scattering while Im doing 120kmh
>>14659848
Fuck. That.
>Driving truck
>Window down
>2lane road without shoulder
>Suddenly handful of angry hornets invade
>Slam breaks and stop dead in the middle of the road
>Leap out passenger side swatting at them like some sort of cheesy 80s kunfu movie
>people are driving by honking every second
>Didn't see a soul for an hour prior on that road
>Suddenly disco lights just down the road
>Pulled over in a dirt lot
>Cop gives a sobriety test
>Two more cops show
>They hold me up for an hour
>Some punk bitch snitched
>>14658040
Slow down to 40 mph, grab it with the microfiber I keep in the driver door side compartment and chuck it out.
Normally they're much smaller and I just grab them with my hand, though
>>14659849
>Death or serious injury can occur
Heard this from a girl who used to live in Hawaii
>she was still a little kid, in a carseat
>her and her mom were driving down the highway
>all of a sudden she sees legs come out of the AC vent
>pic related crawls out of the vent while they're driving.
>she's strapped in, can't move
I think they ended up pulling over, rolling the windows down, and walking. I guess they were almost there. But yeah, that's some nightmare shit right there, being trapped with something like that.
>>14658040
OH SHIT YOU GUYS
>>14658040
>35,000 species of spiders
>12 harmful to humans
Swat that shit with something and continue driving.
>>14658142
Reeeeeeee
>lower the windows all the way down
>keep flooring it
>turn sharp right
>roll the car 5 times
>spider is safely flung out the window
>regain control of the car
>resume traveling
>this is why i ride a bike
>>14659848
>>14659849
If I saw that, I would perform the following procedure:
1. Calmly blinker, pull over, and stop.
2. Adrenaline would be spiking by this point. Attempt to unbuckle seat belt while gradually starting to shake uncontrollably.
3. Throw door open.
4. Run around screaming like a little bitch for five minutes.
5. Acquire stick, pole, pipe, etc.
6. Reach in car from several feet away.
7. Get pipe close to visor.
8. Smash pipe into visor with force of 1000 suns.
9. Hold at nearly maximum strength for 15-20 seconds.
10. One more Hulk Smash just to make sure.
11. At this point I wouldn't even want to be in the fucking car at all.
12. Call a friend or someone to come deal with the aftermath.
I can NOT fucking DEAL with shit like that.
>>14658040
why do they stop right in front of your face when they lower from the ceiling ?
I've had them land on my nose before
>>14659622
glad I don't live there
I'm so used to harmless jumping spiders and Gray house spiders that I take my time to check what a critter is when It lands on me
worst trouble I've had is when a monarch butterfly got into my helmet visor at 50 kph and the wind held it in my eye socket
almost crashed before I realised I could just turn my head to the side to get it off
bees are super annoying when you have fluorescent clothing one they keep flying away then landing back on the same spot again
wasps never cause me problem even when they land in my hair
>>14660583
slow day at school
some people are going about pranking with a head massager
>SUDDENLY BLOOD CURDLING SCREAMS
>CHAIRS AND TABLES FALLING OVER
>>14660605
That would have been me.
The first place I lived in New Mexico had spiders. Black widows, brown recluses, big-ass wolf spiders, long-legs, etc. How I never got bitten is beyond me. Inasmuch, one night I went to get some water from the kitchen and I saw this shape on the floor. I knew exactly what the motherfucker was and I didn't even fucking bother. Just nope.
>spot a jumping spider in my car
>its just chilling in the gaps between the interior trim and windshield
>dont bother it but keep a eye on it until I get home
>successfully dislodge it from windshield and set it in the garden
>spiders face when I make it leave my car
>>14658047
kekd
>Be me
>Get into car
>While putting seat belt notice a spider on my leg
>Kill spider with a backhand slap
>Proceed with driving
Easy Peasy.
>>14659622
>>14660614
>meanwhile in my back yard
Badumna longinqua
Agelenopsis naevia
Anoteropsis hilaris
Hemideina crassidens
Pachyrhamma edwardsii
>all completely chill
Latrodectus katipo
>FUUUCK GET IT OFF GET IT OFF
>>14658104
similar story
>blew on the spider on a single strand of web
>it swings back and landed on my face
>>14658040
I start hearing sirens behind me because I'm going 120 in a 55
>>14660586
>why do they stop right in front of your face when they lower from the ceiling ?
I've had them land on my head, twice.
Fucking spiders.
>>14660725
driving along
random jumping spider lands on my hand
try to flick it off
it just keeps bungee jumping off and landing back on me
it falls to far then starts to lower its self onto my leg
engage steering wheel with knee and use my other hand to wind the spiders string up string up then drop it on the dash
>wew
>>14660707
>look at me I can google full spider names
>>14660762
Because they want to be your friend
>>14660414
Jumping spiders are too fucking cute to be spiders.
>>14660784
I have to otherwise it shows the wrong spider
>open sunroof and windows
>hope he gets blown out of one of them
>>14658040
what a cute little spider, looks like a mini version of the spider that lives in my front yard
>>14660393
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUR14_ry1Zo
I used to work for State Farm in Auto Claims, and we came across some pretty hilarious claims some days.
One that stands out was a guy and a bee.
>dude is driving along on 404 highway
>doing 110kmh
>windows down
>bee flies in window
>bee gets trapped behind his glasses
>bee is buzzing in his eye
>guy freaks out
>swerves off road
>into concrete median supporting overpass bridge
>severely injured, both legs broken, arm broken, concussion, teeth missing, internal bleeding, broken ribs
>car caught on fire about 5 minutes afterwards
>guy was yanked out of car by passing tow truck driver
>mfw reading this claim imagining this happening
>>14658040
>>14660818
>lives in my front yard
KILL. IT.
>>14660818
you call that a spoidah?
>>14659784
must be an odd feel to know that literally every person who looks into your car won't know what kind of car that plushy is based on, lol
>>14660583
I would just open the door, open the sun visor with a long stick, and leave the door open until it leaves.
Not too hard :)
>>14658097
Then its not okay.
>>14658104
>>14660725
>blowing spiders
lewd
>Have an appointment for an internship in a town like 1 hour away
>Left helmet near bike in my garage for several days
>As I put it on I notice a big ass blurry spot in front of my left eye
>Think it's dirt or some shit
>Dont bother to remove it because I was late as fuck so I went on like this for the whole trip
>Arrive at appointment, everything goes well
>As I'm about to go home I check my helmet
>1 inch spider INSIDE my goggles
>Realize I literrally had a spider on my face all this time
>mfw
>>14661644
https://m.reddit.com/r/explainlikeimfive/comments/2c2iqc/eli5_why_do_spiders_curl_up_once_they_die/
ayee
>>14661886
I hope senpai notices me
>stay calm because spoderz aint shit
>turn on hazzard lights
>downshift
>use dem brembos
>go to the shoulder
>get out of car
>fucking whoop that spiders ass
>>14658040
Accelerate and keep masturbating furiously.
>>14662109
xD so randum!!
>>14658104
That is the gayest story I've heard all day
>>14662142
Why else would anyoune be doing 120 staring at a spider?
>>14662109
Upvote!
>>14660554
>you reeee
>the normies get out
>you're alone again
is this what you wanted anon
great reply
wow
props bro
so good
really having fun with this one
