>can't sleep in the night
>really likes lettuce
>goes downstairs, turn the lights on
>eats some romaine in light
extremely underrated thread
>>64183809
>2016
>not eating superior Eruca Sativa at night
good one
>be named after famous guitarist, clapton
>play lots of sports in high school
>meet random qt on subway
>strike up conversation
>tell her i'm an athlete
>she asks me my name, and my favorite sport
>"I'm Eric, and football."
>>64185356
someone put effort into this.
>>64183809
hahahaha
>>64183809
>in south central la
>looking to cop some yayo
>approach dealer on corner
>asks me what gang i'm in and how much i need
>"crip, 2 grams"
>Be member of French music duo
>Releasing second album
>Trying to sell album to music label
>They ask me what genre music is
>Je nes parle pas anglais
>"Album Is Disco, very"
>>64185532
>>64185356
>>64183809
Pretty gnarly so far desu
>>64185573
ayy
>>64183809
Bump this shit
>Insect buzzes up to my ear
>asks me what month it is after this one
>"Definitely May, bee."
>>64185573
>Taking revolutionary new approach to jazz
>Can't sell it cos it sounds like shit
>Stand on street corners trying to build publicity with free samples
>Repeatedly shout "Free Jazz"
>>64185680
>be foreign exchange student in America
>barely know any english
>go to mall
>see set of earrings on display
>think will be great to give gf in home country
>walk up to counter
>trying to buy I stutter out by counter
>"Am-mount, earring?"
>>64185573
>>64185725
Sorry don't know why I replied to you
>be me
>bartender in a small collage town
>2 girls come up to bar, obviously underage
>ask for vodka and club
>I ask how old they are
>both say 22, and start to giggle
>I ask Why lie? Why tee hee?
>be an ant
>be part of the apollo missions
>become the first ant to walk on the moon
>the moon and ant are together
>It's a /mu/ discovers Rock Busters thread
>watching movie
>Vietnam scene
>"I SEE THE BAD MOON RISING" starts playing
>>64185926
b-buyon ferry?
>am canadian
>go to sewing store to buy new pins
>they have them many different styles made of lots of different materials
>each pin is classified with a letter of the alphabet
>tell clerk i need a Steel D pin
>he asks if i need anything else
>"Lead Z pin, too"
>>64185964
This Jamaican fellas spinnin' fish what's that about?
De Trout Spinners
>>64185818
kek
>>64185573
>Track on album is called Veridis Quo
>Veri DisQuo
>Very Disco
>Disco Very
>Discovery
>>64186074
A jamaican fella might ave screamed this on titanic. What's going on there?
Christ, De Burg
>>64186131
The little girl is hungry; what shall we do?
Feeder
>work at hunting preserve
>periods of the day are based on what animals can be hunted
>person asks me what time is best to hunt rodents
>"In The Weasel Hours"
>wake up at 9:30 bcos of fucked up sleep cycle at 1 am
>phone my boy deakin for some shit
>ask him if he wanna do a drive-by shooting in the hood
>he says "ok i think"
>reach merriweather post ghetto
>we come rolled up in a prius and sneak on them indians
>pop some caps and they gone, they vanished
>painted with that blood the walls
>"shit yo gun gave me some feels, andy pandy! you killed those People (EP, 2006)"
>"i know, racism is cool. looks like we burned a monkey in town" (high five!!!)
>roll up the window and put the safe(r) on again
>we get posted up on some hollindagain, listening to sung tongs
>"damn... i wanted to fuck avey that time, loved his campfire songs"
>"shit lennox, you sound high my nigga, can you drive?"
>"actually no, we're driving off a cliff"
>i steer the car, almost hitting a centipede hz on the ground
>we're about to hit the water course
>deakin scream and goes "fall be kind please!"
>hit the water killing a manatee, crash into the window pane, blood flotting like strawberry jam on it
>one hour later
>me and deak are dragged unconsciously to the beach by a man
>"shit dude... thanks... who are you?"
>"you may not know me, but it looks like i truly am when the pawn hits the conflicts he thinks like a king what he knows throws the blows when he goes to the fight and he'll win the whole thing 'fore he enters the ring there's no body to batter when your mind is your might so when you go solo, you hold your own hand and remember that depth is the greatest of heights and if you know where you stand, then you know where to land and if you fall it won't matter, cuz you'll know that you're right."
>guy is screaming that his mother's a cunt while punching people in a cartoonesque manner while also playing the saxophone
>he's edgy BAM!-jazzy
>go to restaurant
>call the waiter over and order my meal
>he says, "why the raspy voice"
>I have a hoarse throat, waiter
>>64186739
lmao
>>64185959
You're doing it very wrong
>be invited to an ass judging competition
>asses of all genders, races, shapes and sizes
>some great asses, but the very best belongs to a Caucasian fella named Al
>"So, anon, which would you say is the winning ass?"
>"I've got to go with the white Al bum."
>Yoda be
>parachuting be
>fun it is, but too late realise on zoo be falling
>terrified by thought of tiger or lion enclosures
>thank Jedi ancestors on aviary I land
>>64188639
wow
>>64188639
>be soft machine fan
>have a bad lisp
>go to concert
>after concert, sneaks into their dressing room
>sees all three band members shitting in the toilet
>picks it up when they're gone
>mom asks me what I have in the bag when I get home
>Soft Machine's Thurd
>>64188639
jesus fucking christ
>tampon gets home to its family soaked in blood
>they ask where he's been
>In The Court Of The Crimson King
>>64188819
Heh
>Hanging around South-Central L.A.
>Gay friend Mark is really attracted to Mexicans
>Mark tells me he'll be right back, just going around the corner to find a bathroom
>10 minutes later he's not back, I go looking for him
>Round the corner and find a latino gay bar
>Knowing Mark, I go in to find him
>Asking around for Mark, get directed into a private room
>Walk into the room and find Mark
>Mark's tongue's in a spic
>>64188639
wew
>be Norwegian
>getting ready to go to college in America
>excited as fuck
>2 months before leaving mom dies
>super depressed, she was the only one who supported my choice in life (Web Devoloper)
>soon after gf breaks up with me because I couldn't spend time with her because I had to take care of my brother because my dad passed away when I was 5
>get even more depressed
>thinking about calling off college
>my brother tells me that my mom would be sad if I quit on my dreams
>they day has come
>first day of college
>get into my dorm, my roomate is cool but spent way too much time on /b/
>get to my class
>Online Security
>get to meet people, socialize, but still very depressed
>everyone likes my stories from back home
>feel like they've never seen a nordic man before
>some girls started getting interested in me, but was too bummed out because of mom and ex-gf that I just couldn't get involved in another relationship
>started turning them down
>the guys as a joke started calling me Nolaf, because I would always say "No" when they asked me out to the bar
>kind of like the nickname
>it started catching on, even some professors started calling me that
>my Online Security prof. was also Norwegian
>he was cool, helped me on some assingments
>he found out I was interested in Web Development
>said he knew people in the buisness, could probably help me once I'm done with college
>he wanted me to focus on the class project
>he said if my class project was in the top three, he would send it to his friend who worked for a big company
>2 months later
>In class
>we turned in our projects
>professor is reading out the best projects
>Tiffany "Bitcoins"
>some people cheer
>Dom "The History of Proxy"
>a few whoos from doms friends
>this is it
>I start getting nervous
>if the next project he reads is not mine, I dont deserve to be here
>professor starts reading the name of the next project
>I close my eyes.
>I hear my name
>Nolaf "Deep Web"
>>64186727
plot was 6/10 until twist ending tbqh
>>64190863
I've read until Nolaf and I'm calling it now that this is about NLDW
Let's see if I'm right
>>64192168
Yep
>>64186107
that's one new Discovery :)
>>64188639
holy shit
>buy a prostitute for a night
>ask for a handjob
>she is terrible
>puts my dick in a death grip, can't make it cum or feel anything
>ask for refund
>"The Money, Whore"
>>64188639
art
>>64192704
>at supermarket, buying groceries
>finish shopping
>only free register is manned by a qt lady
>go to register and get served, try to contain spaghetti
>qt gril at register scans my stuff, then
>that'll be $45.65 thanks
>i sperg out and grab a a handful of notes out of my pockets in a hurry
>she begins counting them, then holds up one note and says
>sorry sir, i cant take this,
>the money's tore
>>64192704
>>64193450
>work as security at an art gallery
>big fan of impressionist painting
>one night be patrolling and struck by the beauty of one particular piece
>stop to admire it
>step closer to get a better look
>trip and fall
>grab the closest thing to try and steady myself
>pull painting off wall
>frame hits the ground and said painting falls out
>painting has a giant rip down the middle
>OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK
>the monet's tore
>is it true that you play the harp, and you can't say any vowels?
>ys
