I want to play pretty pretty pink princess with Fluttershy
>>27867006
I want tobe herknight in shining armor.
>>27867006
I want to be her pet
>>27867013
I want to be hercocksleeve
>>27863799
kek
>>27867006
>play pretty pretty pink princess
Explain.
>>27867051
Oh so this is spam?
>>27867259
I want to dress up like a princess and have Fluttershy rescue me.
>>27867378
That's hot.
>>2786737
You are a massive faggot OP.Or a lesbian.
>>27867378
Good good let the faggetry flow through you.
>>27867378
>>27867476
No, Fluttershy will absolutely fail at rescuing him.
>>27867540
She built up a lot of courage to tell anon she wants this roleplay, no way she's gonna fail now.
>>27867556
Nah m8, you're overstatement her , she will most likely fail, i can't see how she could possibly succeed, unless there is a green that will demonstrate that, wink wink.
>>27867598
You are absolutely correct of course, unless someone writes a convincing, compelling thesis in the form of greentext it seems rather unlikely, how silly of me.
>>27867627
But that will never happen, because there is no way i can see how will someone write a greentexted story that will demonstrate how will Fluttershy do this epic act of bravery, nope it's just impossible.
But if someone is able to do it, will i'll be just astonished.
I wanna have romantic sex with her in the Evergreen forest at midnight with Twilight watching from behind a tree whilst eatin popcorn.
>>27867717
You mean bait right, will is it working, how do i summon a writefag.
>>27867844
What do you think I'm doing?
>>27867859
ohh ohh are you fapping can you show me what you're jerking off too.
>>27867890
This sexy beast right here.
I'm also writing with my other hand.
>>27867900
Will have fun with that, don't want to disturb you, just make sure to deliver.
>>27867006
>Be anon
>I mean be pretty princess apricot
>Ruler of the grape people and all that jazz
>Thing is you got murdered and now you have until midnight to find out...
>Ok you only got kidnapped
>It sucks
>It sucks so freaking much
>I mean you could have been a fireman
>Or an astronaut
>But stupid twilight said everyone gets a turn to choose
>She is going to regret it when it's your turn again and you turn her into an ugly witch or a dog or something, you will have time to think about what later
>Now you have to figure out how to bed the rules enough to have fun without having to deal with a nagging
I never wrote anything in my life so if you don't like it it's not going to get better, it will get much worse and involved shipping and cringe and making you uncomfortable so buckle up
>>27868032
Let the autism flow through you anon, I'm ready.
>>27867006
>"Good night sweetie."
>Your mom says, the sleepiness crisp and clear in her voice.
>And for good reason, it had been a long day.
>You loved going to the park with her.
>Today she even bought you a soccer ball so you could play at home!
>She puts the book down on the nightstand and gives you a little kiss on the forehead.
>You smile and look at her.
"Good night mom."
>She fully returns it before turning off the small lamp, letting the darkness outside the cottage fill your room.
>You watch as her silhouette closes the door slowly, trying not to cause to much noise, just in case.
>Once she's gone, you find it pretty easy to get to sleep.
>You're just so satisfied.
>All you have to do is close your eyes and...
>>27868032
So who kidnapped ano...princess this time?
>>27868032
>>27868100
Are we haveing two writefags on this thread right now, oh my god i win Yes.
>>27868032
>Be Agostin de Segovia
>The last herrant knight in the kingdom
>Despite your pink mane and petite body you are brave and valiant
>And you are so very sorry
>And scared
>And you hope anon isn't too mad... anymore
>And you should definitely get moving fast because anlm said come here fast or else and you don't want to know what else means
>Also your faithful squire travels with you, his name is Lorenzo and you picked him up from a poor village when he was a child after seeing him beat 3 other kids with a stuck
>He demands to be called rainbow dash or else he won't play the game
>He has a big mouth that causes you troubles all the time but you hope time will set him straight
>my only reply is shared
Nope.
I'm doneski.
>>27868231
No m8 come on keep going.
>>27868206
>Agostin de Segovia
What's that spanish or what?
>>27868259
All the good knights are from Spain like don Quixote and the other famous ones I don't recall right now
>>27868244
I have 4 other threads on hold and I don't do no feedback unless I owe someone,or until I update them first.
Sorry mate I have no drive otherwise.
>>27868285
fuck straight off you attention whore
>>27868206
wat
>>27868293
What do you think I'm doing right now?
>>27868285
Just go kill yourself you faggot.
>>27868206
Keep going m8 don't mind that Irineo asshole.
In all sincerity, I was going to continue regardless of (You)s but OP's desperation made me just the tiniest bit uncomfortable, and well you find excuses.
>>27868206
>you hear a knock in the door
>followed by a raspy voice
>we know you are in there, you better open the door right now
>you scan the room one more time
>a big 6 pony bed, dark because no windows of course, a bucket for relieving yourself without having to go outside at night and risk being mugged
>nothing else catches your eye except the unusual amount of filth even for a low life inn like this
>and your companion rainbow dash shivering in a corner
>without a second tought you open your bag and retrieve the only important thing you carry
>a bag with 20 bits, you where afraid you lost it while running
>rainbow dash is about to loose it
>and you are not getting another second chance, you got too many already
>there is one thing left to do, you shoot rainbow a look and she hands you your sword
>the next couple seconds can mean life or death, you apprach the door slowly, get rainbow the signal for opening it and
>steps
>hey the owner of the inn told me he must have scaped using the trap door that leads to the sewers
>come on, i think i know where he went
>>27868480
>you breathe
>how?
>when?
>rainbow is still frozen in place
>another time i escape death, how many is it already?
>now response
>fuck
>hey rainbow?
>RAINBOW?
>rainbow colapses to the floor
>guess we are spending the night here
>be apricot
>and you are bored
>and you are starting to understand why rich girls do coke and pass out in the streets
>nothing to do
>twilight outsmarted you
>no powers
>no plotting
>not joining the bad guys
>not secretly being the bad guy all along
>no escaping or going away until you get rescued
>you are not even allowed to know who captured you since a kidnapped princess wouldnt
>what the fuck doess that bitch have against you
>you get out of bed and sit looking out of the window
>books are the only thing around
>not even pictures in them
>and then you see it
>and its brilliand
>and twilight biggest bitch around sparkle cant do anything about it
>>27868610
>and then you see it
>and its brilliand
5 bucks say it's a horsedildo
>>27868610
>ahhhh its morning already, you can tell by the sounds of birds and rainbow dash pissing
>the bed leaves much to dessire, especially after last night but it sure beats sleeping in the grass outside
>What the heck happened last night?
>are we dead?
>is this why i cant stop pissing?
>well if someone would stop drinking so much cider that wouldnt be a problem would it?
>WHAT???
>sorry, you truly showed your colors my faithful squire, others would have screamed and begged for mercy
>fluttershy what the fuck? i thought we where going to defeat spike and save anon or something and then drink tea
>...
>really
>...
>ugggggghhhhhhh
>""""knight""""", any idea how we are going to get out of town now?
>well we have the money
>fuck the money, those where guards, royal guards, do you think we are going to show up, pay our debt and be allowed to leave just like that?
>oh my squire, the streets are rotten with low life and criminals that money will get us far
>and what about paying for this room?
>its just an inn keeper rainbow, how hard could it be to sneak past her?
>>27867006
is anyone still here? my shitty story wont get shittier... probably
>>27868032
>>27868206
>>27868480
>>27868610
>>27868746
>no capitalization
>hardly any punctuation aside from ellipses and question marks
What are you doing?
>>27868801
writing a fan fiction about a show for little kids?
wasting my life?
well if anyone wants me to keep going, i have a couple ideas but i wont write this for myself because thats breaking into sonichu territory
>>27868746
I have absolutely no clue what's going on in this story.
>>27868815
Since I'm not thirsty, I'll actually try to give you some feedback and not just suck your dick, so that you can actually improve your fanfiction skillz.
Try to fix what I pointed out.
Also try not to use more than what's necessary.
I'm taking about the quotations and the question marks, there are better ways to add emphasis.
Also at >>27868746 I have no clue whether they're talking or not, please use quotes when appropriate.
>>27868856
Do it dude, it's your story, I'll certainly be sticking around to see how it goes.
>>27868863
It's like don Quixote where fluttershy goes crazy and believes she is a knight, rainbow dash knows it's fake but gets carried away because of fluttershy, anon doesn't take it seriously at all and the rest of the ponys take secondary character roles
>>27868872
I just like ponys and knights, I don't intend of writing ever again after this
>>27868897
That's perfectly fine.
I just want to help out, if not for you, then for anyone who reads.
Kinda hard to understand it as it is.
>>27868897
>It's like don Quixote where fluttershy goes crazy and believes she is a knight, rainbow dash knows it's fake but gets carried away because of fluttershy, anon doesn't take it seriously at all and the rest of the ponys take secondary character roles
Well, knowing that, the story actually makes sense now.
You should probably hit up the writefag guild thread and check out the links though.
>>27868897
>fluttershy goes crazy like Donquixote
When? Where?
>>27868923
Well I was going g to dump enough exposition for it to makes sense in the next post but maybe I should read the links and continue some other day?
Writefag absolutely do not go to the Writefag Guild.
You already said you most likely won't do it after this so I doubt you will, but just in case.
The guides there are absolute shit, seeing as how everything they tell you can be explained in a single post and they managed to extend that into 3 separate pastebin pages.
Seriously, just keep writing and you'll get the hang of it.
>>27868976
Can you explain it in one post or at least enough so I don't suck?
>>27869001
It's very simple actually.
>capitalization and punctuation is a given
>use quotation marks when someone is talking
>try to differentiate different character's dialogue by the way they talk, mentioning it afterwards, or by not greentexting it
>use ellipses appropriately, don't make them longer than 3 dots and don't spam them, try to just mention it as silence if you need to
>find different ways to add emphasis
For example.
>ugggggghhhhhhh
What I would do is.
>They let out a long and obviously distressed groan
I'm not saying you have to, experiment a little, but do try to follow basic grammar rules
I just want to help out mate, I bothers me so much when desperates like OP coddle new writers, because it may be that they continue writing and the general audience of this board might not take to kindly to their style.
>>27868746
ok moving on
>"yo braeburn."
>"what?"
>"YO bareburn."
>"up here moron."
>"anon.?"
>"are you wearing a dress.?"
>"twilight made me, its for fluttershy."
>"hohoho, you got her there?, anon you dog."
>"i dont know what the dress has to do with it but..."
>"no, im here alone."
>"ok, if you are there alone then where is fluttershy?"
>"listen, is there anyone guarding the door?"
>"no, just a rock blocking it."
>"move the rock."
>"but wont twilight get mad?"
>"just move the fucking rock."
>"hey anon, whats with all these books about good behaivour, hey WELCOME TO APEEE..."
>"SHUT UP, oh hero thanksforresuingmeprincess apricot, you are now a knigh, lets go."
>"APRICOT?"
>"it was either that or letting flutershy choose."
>>27869145
Come on bro, first letter of the sentence and names.
It's wonderful otherwise.
>>27869145
>"Innkeper."-fluttershy
>"Oh hi darling, im sorry i didnt see you there. Being a poor old innkeeper in a place like this is too hard a job for a young maiden like me."-innkeeper
>"I would ike to request my room be prepared for a long stay."-fluttershy
>"Oh, is that so?, how long? a week? a month."-innkeper
>"Two months and i need food for me and my companion."-fluttershy
the innkeeper shoots a nasty glare at rainbowdash and rainbow laughs nervously
>"And will the two nice gentlemen be joining you?."-innkeeper
>"Oh em... hehe, those. Those where em, our guards."-rainbowdash says while nervously looking at the door
>"And why would your guards chase you here?."-innkeeper
>"Um."
>"Em."
>"Well... you caughth us."-fluttershy
>"WHAT?."-rainbowdash
>"Well yes, we are but a couple of poor thieves, those guards caught us stealing before we managed to garb anything."
>"There is no reward for our head and we have no money to pay for our room."-fluttershy
>"OH PLEASE."
>"Do you think i was born yesterday?."
>"Do you have any idea how loud those bits where in your bag when you came running here?."
>"You are a rookie, thats for sure, it was the sound that made it easy for them to chase you."-innkeeper
"Well, em, um."-rainbow dash
>"Come with me darling, we have buisness to arrange. And bring your ""aprentice"" with you."-innkeeper
