Why are they so useless?
Affirmative action
>>27643065
Celestia only gives them big pointy sticks to fight with
Because they are trained to only very basic competency since there are so many. The talented rise through the ranks to become spec ops or something. And still get outshined by 6 mares from middleofnowhereville
>>27643065
They're the Stormtroopers of Mlp.
>>27643111
Nice trips, but don't knock the pointy stick. It was a phenomenal weapon of war until the firearm was invented.
>>27643111
T-t-triple Kill!!
>>27643134
At least Stormtroopers did stuff
The guards are absolutely fucking worthless
They've been snuck past by practically everyone: Twilight, Spike, Ponk, Shimmer, and even fucking Windrider: an old stallion
>>27643065
They're stallions.
All stallions in equestria are useless, its a matriarchy for a reason. They're more or less the equivilent of someone having a Playboy bunny sex guard around them-- they're celestia's man candy guard, not an actual army.
>>27643153
That's just sad.
They're really more for sexual pleasure than for guarding.
>>27643065
Because if they weren't what would the mane 6 do during adventure episodes?
>>27643065
They aren't. But the writers can't exactly have them solving every problem, or else the protagonists wouldn't have anything to do.
It's kind of like the Stormtroopers. Logically, they would be good at their job, and they surely are, but it's not necessarily something that gets utilized as much as it could, for plot reasons.
The writers could handle it better, but perhaps the 22 minute time limit makes fitting all that in more difficult. Have to focus on the exploits of the main characters, because even moreso than other shows, MLP is focused on those main characters.
>>27643165
Equestria's no matriarchy, nor is it a patriarchy. There's no evidence whatsoever of either gender being advantaged or dominant, there's no gender roles, both genders portrayed equally capable, etc, do I really need to go through the whole process of explaining this again? Bottom line is that it clearly has a culture, society, economy, etc that's gender-egalitarian.
Anyway, it's time for you to crawl back to RGRE or whatever and keep that nonsense confined to there.
>>27643065
If you haven't noticed, until the last few years, there has been a thousand years of peace, so the guards would mostly be for decoration, and basic policing.
>>27643571
>Basic policing
>When you had major threats like Nightmare Moon, Discord, Queen Chrysalis, Plundervines, and Tirek endanger the country and the princesses.
>Also not to forget other things like Ursa Minor, Cerberus, Trixie, and the Parasprites attack Ponyville.
>And most recently you had Starlight break into Twilight's castle inorder to use the map to time travel. I mean does the damn place even have any guards? Does Twilight lock her doors?
Man you aren't kidding, Equestria has shit security.
>>27643657
Remember that scene in the Avengers where Captain America tells the cops what to do, and they go do it?
That's their job. Keep people away from the monsters and explosions.
>>27643874
How come they don't make more people like the Mane Six then? I know they represent the elements of harmony, but damn their power is based around friendship. Would it kill them to "recruit" more guardians of harmony?
>>27643910
the mane six aren't even that good in fights; The only reason they were important was the EOH. Now that the EOH is gone? Fuck that shit, only twilight's important for fights.
Notice how the other 5 no longer appear in two parters beyond camoes? that's because they ARE NO LONGER important when it comes to high power punch ups: That shits for Twilight and Starlight or other God tier Alicorns and Unicorns.
The other 5 are beyond irrellevent now.
>>27643910
Think of them like living leylines, the physical embodiment of the element of harmony. They aren't representations, they are the elements themselves. They'd probably be hard pressed to find someone with that kind of connection to the universe.
>>27643940
>They aren't representations, they are the elements themselves
That'd hold water if they weren't/aren't useless without the shining pieces of jewelry around their necks.
>>27643960
Spell foci. Do you really expect Applejack to understand how to focus magical energy without some sort of focus object? The Rainbow Power just exists within them, they just don't use it anymore because it's ugly.
>>27643983
Rarity and twilight then. The non-mud ponies of the group. Twilight was BTFO'd by a unicorn (albeit one with plot armor) and couldn't do shit.
>>27643999
Mostly just speculation at that point. Glimmer wanted to end the world, Twilight didn't want to have to kill Glimmer. But I thought the weakest part of the whole time chase thing was that at any point twilight could have settled into the timeline for a while, tweaked the spell to do what she wants on landing, and do something to glimmer. Glimmer said she modified it to go back to that time and to also summon her when the spell was cast. If twilight wasn't so impatient I feel like glimmer could have easily been removed from the situation.
>>27643134
Then who are the clones? The RG's older brother that actually managed to kick ass?
>>27643999
TRIPS CONFIRM
>>27644065
clones rapidly aged and began to die out by the time of episode 4 due to service and attrition thinning their numbers; by that point, the vast majority of stormtroopers were non-clone mooks
>>27644095
I meant the Equestria equivalent of the clones.
>>27644095
Except the 501st. "We never really got used to the new guys."
>>27643065
Serious answer: They suffer from Children's Show Authority Figure Syndrome.
There's no logical reason why they are so shit, and indeed I would dearly love an episode in which a rational deployment of the Royal Guard leads to a conflict being resolved. But unfortunately, pop culture (and especially children's pop culture) has latched on irrevocably to the idea that a small cadre of untrained, unprepared young adults will succeed where an experienced, equipped, and organized authority force will not.
It's bullshit no doubt, but there's not much else that can be said about it.
>>27643065
more like why are men so usless am i right?
>>27643103
Ok, I chuckled.
>>27643165
"They're stallions.
All stallions in equestria are useless, its a matriarchy for a reason. They're more or less the equivilent of someone having a Playboy bunny sex guard around them-- they're celestia's man candy guard, not an actual army."
SO HOW COME WE NEVER SEE A PENIS?
ANSWER THAT
>>27644579
>SO HOW COME WE NEVER SEE A PENIS?
>ANSWER THAT
how is babe fromed
>>27644579
>standard mammalian reproduction goes on
>genitalia aren't drawn because it's a show marketed to children in the U.S.
>>27644650
but the females of ponyville go around NAKED
so why do we not see a PENIS on THESE GUYS
>>27644678
genital sheathe
>>27644693
PROVE IT
let's SEE ONE
>>27644693
*unsheathes genitals*
HEH, TOUGH GUY, EH?
>>27644712
faggot
>>27644693
wouldn't a "genital sheathe" technically be a foreskin plus you would still see their scrotums in there somewhere
i wonder how many times fluttershy has blushed when she has seen a stallion from behind
>>27644269
Go to bed Emily
>>27644768
Who's Emily?
>>27644678
We don't see a vulva on the mares.
>>27644731
How's that seaman taste, Champ?
>>27643529
>do I really need to go through the whole process of explaining this again?
Again? I doubt you were right the first time, whenever that was.
>>27644800
Delicious, master.
>>27644791
only because their tails block the view!
Spike gets an eye full every damn day!
>>27644819
Nice meme.
>>27643065
they only know how to fight and how to fuck the princesses' brains out at a moment's notice.
and since the princess usually picks only one to three guards a day to please her, the rest just seem useless.
niggers
>tfw no qt guardpony gf
>>27645423
I just want to kidnap one and hold them hostage. Tormenting them with ear scratches and belly rubs despite their protestations that they're a royal guard of Equestria and deserve to be treated with respect. Eventually falling asleep holding them spooned against my belly; they try and wriggle away, but it's no use - and eventually they fall asleep too.
>>27643153
didn't twilight get caught when she tried to sneak into the royal library?
>>27643165
>Starswirl was useless
>>27643065
Because they are male
>>27644801
>I doubt you were right
And that's where you're wrong. Stay delusional buddy.
Could write a snarky wall of text, but eh.
>>27646971
How much are they paying you to make those shitposts? It's too nonsensical for it to be something you'd dofor free
>>27645512
Actually yeah; He didn't "defeat" the sirens, he got his ass handed to him in a humiliating fashion and then just moved a magic mirror near them hoping it would get rid of them.
He Failed to finish a spell who's entire solution was just "friendship is magic"
His only contribution to stopping tirek was making friends with scorpan, celestia and Luna did all the real shit.
Starswirl is the biggest failure hero ever.
>>27643065
Because Celestia blows their dicks twice, personally, every moring, so they're always a bit exhausted.
>>27643657
to be fair in times of crisis it's usually not royalty's personal guard that takes care of things, its the military proper. Though I dont know if Equestria even has a proper military outside of the royal guard.
>>27643065
Why are four of them alicorns?
>>27647985
What I mean is, how come they don't prepare for shit like that and wonder why there's all these threats to Equestria. Is it a coincidence that all of these threats are attacking Equestria within a few years or is it something more sinister? Sure they knew about Sombra's and Tirek's return, but you know how dealing with Tirek went out like when they sent Discord to deal with him.
>>27648031
well, according to the comics, there's been more than a few attacks on equestria over the past, its not just within the past few years that stuff's gone down.
Plus, if we take into account episodes like appleloosa where the town got into a fight with other species, it seems likely alot of shit happens to frontier towns, just the big cities are too well protected for alot of the stuff to happen.
>>27648031
I think the real problem is that they rely on magic completely and utterly.
the biggest threats have been a more powerful magical creature that doesnt play by the rules of reality, a creature that actively absorbs magic and a usurper that actively fed on a force of nature/magic.
their main defense is magical in nature (shining's spell) and all their enemies have been magical or able to use it against them.
>>27648050
>Comics
>Canon
Okay, but whatever you do have a point with different settlements not being attacked as much as other ones. I mean Manehatten has never been attacked in the showyet, and less populated settlements like Ponyville have to face whatever spawned out of the Everfree Forest at times. But Canterlot was well defended and it was ultimately brought down to its knees due to other magic and manipulation just like what this anon said. >>27648054
>>27643065
Nepotism.
Shinning Armor turned the institution into a joke only to get some pink pussy.
I want to be the Royal Guard's buttslut.
They probably have no experience since whenever they do have a war or battle, the mane 6 or Celestia and Luna just take care of it.
>>27648054
This anon has it right I think, they depend too much on magic.
The guards are just like a meat shield to absorb attacks until the elements of harmony (or princesses) figure out what to do.
Pretty shitty job to be honest.
>>27645507
Well yeah, but they snuck past them beforehand and couldn't get in without the keys
Then he just let them in
They seem to function more like police than soldiers.
Keep the population in line when Celestia needs them to.
>>27643065
Because boys are dumb. Pretty much the #1 rule of girls cartoons.
>>27648853
CHiP's ponies when
