In his dying seconds, Anon reminisces the events that led him up to this moment.
”Stay with me Anon! Everything will be okay…”
http://pastebin.com/u/Zirivak
Previous thread: >>27364147
>>27624712
It's ALIVE!
bump again
Damn, thread died. I'll update the pastebin as soon as I can.
If you guys don't mind, would you like to share with me what you like the most about the story so far? Just to satisfy my curiosity.
I'll try to get an update as soon as possible so we can get some content on this fresh thread.
Also, you guys can still vote on the companion poll!
http://www.strawpoll.me/10259799
>>27626362
I would say for me, it's the dymanics. It's not your average AiE flic, it seems a bit deeper and better throughout, like a proper FimFiction story.
That, and the hope ofpassionatelatercuddles
>>27626362
>>27626362
probably the world building, and the burning desire to see hunteranon and twilight kissu-kissu
Bamp
10
>>27626362
i'm not a good critic, all i can say is that it reads more like a proper story and you have a nice way with the words, 10/10, would let say sweet things in my ears
>>27626362
The interactions that take place between the characters flows well and feels natural. You have left enough mystery surrounding the central points of the plot to keep it interesting and us guessing, but not to the point of us having no idea what is happening.
New thread bump
9
bamparoo
Bamp
>>27626362
Like many have said, character interaction. Also your narration style. It's like nothing I've read before.
As for the poll, don't add anything that you hadn't planned. If you have to change your story just to accommodate a new character don't do it.But if you do, add Nyx
Tired of Dashie. Going back to Twi which will probably last for the remainder of this story.
>>27641210
i don't know... ziri has slowed down a lot lately
>>27641290
While I do not think that will be a problem, for i have ample amounts of Twi, I forgot about some of the side characters i had lined up as per the agreed upon route.Mea culpa
Starting with Moonbutt and will work my way down.As per usual, request it and i will post it
>>27642144
Post nyx
Im going to do that smart thing this time, not get involved and, lurk tf out of this thread.
>>27642218
What happens when you get involved?
>>27642230get really into it, and then some random drama/bullshit. It's a given, it's the net and it's 4chan.
But I do love watching project growth and things flourish.Like OiE, I am glad that they are still going. And FOE, they have so much content, its great.
>>27642144
Dont remember Derpy having a chance
>>27642258
But we haven't had any drama or bullshit in these threads...
>>27642752yet, why im just lurking lol. current reading III
p.10 bump
>>27642622
I covered the main characters and am now doing side characters. After the moonbutt and sunbutt i will throw Derpy into the mix.
>>27644775
>>27644775
Just how big is your pony folder?
>>27644962
In total, 4,540 images spread across about 60 different pones.
I need to sort a bunch of pictures and reorganize it.
9
Bampo
>>27634480
>>27641210
>>27642144
>>27644789
>>27645438
>>27645896
Bae you are back to sharing your glorious collection with us!
It's so good to see you!
>>27641290
Please refrain from commenting on the writefag's schedule and substancial decrease in his distribution of content.
All comments regarding such things make the writefag realize how much of a faggot he is and will result in a fine of 70 pesos (roughly 6 dollars) so he can cry about how pathetic he is over a venti cup of starbuck's coffee.
That is all, amigo.
>>27642258
>>27642796
We haven't had any drama in these threads at all. Not even in the very first one.
Hell, one of the anons was angry because of one of my alternative endings, we talked it over, and the issue was quickly resolved (you were a very nice guy anon and I liked you, whoever you were).
Now, disregarding the possibility of sounding like a pretentious asshole, let me tell you something...
These threads are comfy and the people here are great. I hope that you enjoy your stay with us.
I'll be taking the dog for a walk and then write some more before updating. 2375 words is a little light, gotta reach that 3000.
Expect some time chatting with Daisy and a few words with Twilight during the night, though that might come in the following update...
>>27648970
Hermano pls
>>27648970
Life happened and i was not able to come by as much as i wanted to. Glad you all are still at it.
Bamp
>>27645438
That's a lot of pone. What's the size?
>>27648970
That's a cheep dollar you have there mano. Here its around 17-18.
>>27650940
Got all of the files sorted and reorganized so the original count is off by about a hundred.
>>27651875
Cheerilee is misspelt.
>>27652057
Fixed. Thankee.
>>27652117
Also, there is no ' in McIntosh but I'm just being nitpicky at this point.
>>27652573
Nah, you're good, i like the spacing the apostrophe provides.
Saved
10
>>27618355
>Sleeping dreamlessly in your empty bed you don’t notice the passage of time or the feeling of magic coursing through your body, and when you next open your eyes with awareness and wakefulness, the sun is rising, washing the world with color and warmth.
>You let out a sound that is at some point in between a yawn and a sigh, mindful that you spent the night naked, hidden under the sheets and already becoming irritated by your decision to allow a mare to take away your clothes.
>It’s Canterlot all over again, only this time you are afraid that instead of a good natured doctor you might get a slightly promiscuous zebra.
>Her comment about the plumber stallion comes frightfully to mind.
>Turning around to face the bed next to yours –one that should be occupied but is otherwise vacant- your heart takes a moment to satisfy a hidden desire for masochism and take in the view of the complete lack of your faithful companion.
>Had she even come to the inn during the evening?
>You curse.
>Experience and age has taught you that life is, by the invisible hand of fate and the union of all the decisions one makes, an emotional rollercoaster.
>One second you are enjoying the high point of your life, enjoying the pleasures of regular social gatherings and the taste of a cigar, the next an old lie comes to the surface and puts a strain on the relationship you had been tending and nurturing for years, another you are plagued by uncontrollable waves of thought and pilled bills, only to then be rescued by a raise or a stroke of luck with a ticket from the local lottery.
>You had, however, become desentized to most things.
>Your job was a chore that you did almost in a haze, dreams of freedom clouding you while you worked and sunk deeper into the cold ocean of reality, the thrill and joy of the hunt becoming a meager tongue of fire that is unable to break the surface of the water and reach you before you freeze.
>>27656758
>Reaching Equestria was to be, according to everyone in /mlp/ and your own fantasies, heaven.
>A world that is ruled by happiness and harmony, a kingdom of beauty and peace.
>Yet from the very beginning you have been at the mercy of evil and pain.
>A Grotesque broke you, a ghost controlled you, a gryphon beat you, and now, because of an emotional impulse to run your mouth, you said something that was nothing other than a poisoned dagger to Twilight’s heart.
>You curse again and this time a knock comes to the door.
>”Hey, everything alright in there?”
>Its Daisy.
“Do you have my clothes?”
>”They are on the floor by the foot of your bed.”
>You don’t bother thanking her and go straight towards them, finding them not only dry but also washed clean of the blood, although it having been there for days it left unmistakable stains throughout which you are certain will never go away.
>They are rags, you muse, but they are yours and some of the little things you have in this world.
>Almost subconsciously, you notice that Geist’s gift is still in its pocket.
>”What has you so riled up? Are you mad that the skies cleared and the rain is gone?”
“It’s more complicated than that.”
>”There isn’t much that complicates a male’s heart.”
>She knows.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
>With your underwear and pants on, you proceed to latch your waist pack and holster.
>”No one ever wants to talk about it. Don’t be so immature and spill it out, or do I have to offer you a drink before you begin?”
>You stare daggers at the door and hopefully to the mare that is hiding behind it.
“I’m sure that you already know.”
>The shirt and coat are the most ruined things of your attire and putting them on makes you feel like a homeless man, which in hindsight you realize is exactly what you are in Equestria.
>”If you are implying that your princess has spilled her heart on my counter then I am sorry to disappoint you but she hasn’t.”
>>27656764
>You check the revolver, counting six bullets in the cylinder, and place it by your hip.
“Then what do you know?”
>”A fantastic tales of Equestria and its princesses, and a fleeting mention of going north, towards the Spire. That place is said to be haunted, you know?”
“It isn’t.”
>”Perhaps because it is now you who is haunted.”
>Your blood boils and irritation fills your mouth with embers.
“I don’t need to hear your stupid superstitions and I don’t need the help of a bartender who fancies herself a psychologist. Just let me be, alright?”
>She opens the door and, while you are expecting to meet a furious and offended gaze, you prepare one of your own.
>When you see her however, you find her smiling gently.
>”Honey, you are in dire need of a bartender psychologist. Would you like some morning cider or something stronger?”
>Her invitation is hard to refuse when pared by such an open expression.
“Alcohol so early in the morning?”
>”It never hurt anyone. Besides, it loosens the knots on the tongue and chest. So, what will it be?”
>You take one look at Twilight’s empty bed and answer, already making your way to the doorway and the zebra.
”Something stronger.”
>She nods.
>The inn is quiet this early and there are no signs of last night’s patrons or their feasts.
>Daisy was always sure to leave the place in impeccable condition, no matter what.
>She had inherited the inn from her father and mother when they settled in Striped Tusks almost 30 years ago, three years before she was born.
>The two of them had left the town when she was little over a filly, rumor said they had abandoned her, caring more about themselves and their individual freedom than the child they had sired, and young Daisy had promised herself to keep it in perfect shape for the day in which they would finally return.
>>27656770
>That hadn’t lasted long; the mare was quick to understand what had happened to her parents and the responsibility she had been left with.
>There was a time when she wondered how others would have dealt with her situation, thinking that other weaker mares would have run away in search of them or would have fallen to the hooves of a capable stallion, begging him to sustain her and care for her.
>Daisy hadn’t been such a mare.
>She had stood her ground, thinking of the inn as a gift rather than a burden, refusing to accept any kind of assistance out of a stubborn sense of pride and taking wholehearted responsibility of what had been her birthright.
>Emotional maturity was quick to come for her, customers were never lacking, and she was happy.
>The good looking stallions that stopped by her inn to rest for the a night before resuming their journey would often find themselves lured by her to the bedroom would later speak of passionate evenings and under the counter drinks, but everybody knew that such generosity was a one-time offer to be remembered but never spoken of out loud.
>Some thought that she resented her parents, others that she cried after intercourse.
>The truth was far from it.
>She always got what she wanted from her guests, either in bits, pleasure, or conversation, and she considered herself one of the luckiest and happiest mares in her trade.
>”I don’t know how things are where you come from, or in Equestria for that matter, but here we have a small but delightful selection. Apple cider is often the most popular choice for ponies and the most boring thing to order, minotaurs prefer whiskey or gin, the bison like the cheap wine, gryphons often take ale, and the posh ones go for the vintage wine which, just for you, I will share for free. So, what will it be?”
>You drop on one of the stools with noticeable grumpiness and then look at Daisy, your decision definite.
“Whiskey.”
>>27656774
>Her grin tells you that you made the right choice.
>”Take it easy with the stuff, I wouldn’t want you getting drunk on my establishment and then have to deal with the rumors that my bar is open as early as dawn.”
“It won’t be a problem.”
>She takes two glasses and generously pours the liquor from a clear, unlabeled glass bottle, her grin growing wider as she realizes that you do not flinch at the abnormally high amount that was held in each glass.
>”Your princess refused my offer last time she was here and so we shared some juice. I like that you are more open about it.”
>You answer her by taking a long drink, letting it burn your throat and feeling your stomach question your judgment.
>”Attaboy.”
>Daisy does the same and it appears to go easier on her.
>”Ready to tell me what happened between the princess and her knight?”
“I’m not a knight.”
>”Well you look more like a bodyguard than a friend for the hay.”
>You open your mouth to explain but find it dry and words avoid you.
>Daisy is watching you expectantly and you take another drink.
“I’m not from here. Not from Equestria, or the West, or anywhere from this world. I come from somewhere else where magic doesn’t exist and your kind isn’t even half as intelligent as you are.”
>”Sounds like a boring place.”
“Yeah, you could say that.”
>”Do you know what brought you here?”
“No. Neither does Twilight.”
>”Do you know how to get back?”
“I don’t think I want to be honest.”
>”Home isn’t quite home for you.”
“Yeah.”
>The conversation pauses briefly as both of you drink some more and you resume it with a sour note that doesn’t come from the liquor.
“Not a week after I got here Twilight and I almost died. I saved her life from a Grotesque and spent three months in a hospital bed, deep in a coma. I woke up to chase after a rogue gryphon and stop a war.”
>”I do not regret offering you that glass.”
>>27656782
>You drink more liberally now and Daisy follows your pace.
”We passed through here to go north, to Serpent’s Heart.”
>Her expression turns grim at the mention of that place and the shadows under her eyes elongate and twist as she frowns.
>”That place went bad ever since the pale one left.”
“You’ll be glad to know I killed the hydra that lurked that sea.”
>She doesn’t need to voice her amazement for you to understand it in the glow of her eyes and the lines of her face.
>An inferno of excitement and wonderment is followed by a flood of doubt and logical disbelief and when it ends she is left awash with misgivings about you and what you speak of.
>You bark a laugh before finishing your glass and resting it carefully before the mare.
>”I don’t believe you.”
“But I did.”
>”No, you didn’t”
>A smirk.
“I killed the hydra.”
>”No.”
>A lean forward.
“Daisy. Look at me. I killed the hydra.”
>”Horseshit.”
>A laugh.
“I shot the hydra, twice, underwater, and it died.”
>”You are full of shit.”
“If you want to hear about my problems, you’ll have to believe me.”
>She stares at you, evaluating your face, searching for anything that might betray your lie, a flicker of uncertainty, a twitch of uneasiness.
>The bottle is on one hoof and her glass empty on the other when she doesn’t find what she was looking for
>”I was expecting feelings, and drama, and young love. Turns out I have a monster slayer in my house.”
“Still worried about me handling a drink?”
>She snickers.
>”You are going to tell me every detail about the fight with the hydra and I’m going to keep something from you to remember you by –you know, a keepsake or whatnot, its great of attracting customers- but let’s hear about your princess first.”
>>27656791
“That was the second time I almost died. The waters were freezing and I could barely move my fingers. Had it not been for Twilight I wouldn’t have been able to win that fight, never mind surviving. She pulled me out and carried me across the sea to the foot of the Spire where I was unconscious for many hours.
“When I came to, we entered and explored the place, only to be captured and tortured by the gryphon.”
>Again her face turns grim and she finds some peace in filling her glass.
>”Silver feathers? Handsome eyes and a charming tongue? He stopped by only briefly?”
“You know him.”
>She downs the contents of her glass in a single gulp and the burning sensation brings the very faint glimmer of a small tear.
>”I almost slept with him.”
“What stopped you?”
>”Relationship.”
>You push your empty glass towards her and she fills it.
“One of his friends attacked me in the town. I wanted to stop him, wound his wing and end the fight, instead I…”
>The whiskey sooths you.
“Silver tortured us as punishment for my dishonorable deed.”
>”How did you escape?”
>You ponder whether or not to share the truth about Geist and the conversation you had had inside of its home, yet the elephant’s words about their devotion to Lumen and how it is only theirs to worship make you think it would be best not to mention anything.
>She might appear to be an amiable, open minded mare, but you know that beliefs are a sensitive matter and it would be unwise to try your luck and ruin the ambient of the conversation.
“Teleportation. Twilight managed to pull us out.”
>”There are legends about that place, after it became abandoned. Was it really empty?”
>You nod and take a sip.
“That was the third time I almost died. She had to use her magic to heal me for days on end; I was in worse shape than what you saw when I entered your inn.”
>”I can certainly imagine that.”
>>27656798
“Then on the way back to town I said something that no distraught pony would want to hear.”
>”A confession of undying love from a creature of an entirely different species?”
>A glare makes her regret the comment.
“No. Nothing of the sort.”
>”What then?”
>The depths of the liquor in your glass seem to suck you in and away from the conversation, making you wary of saying anything else.
>Your thoughts go to Twilight and her daily disappearances.
>Whatever she might be doing or thinking eludes you and approaching her for answers or a resolution gives you vertigo.
>She is a mature mare and her decision to avoid you must be beyond the sentimental, but in the solitude of your mind the chance of her leaving and proceeding without you is a serpent that holds you in its deadly vice.
>And you can’t stop yourself from believing, in the inner most depths of your psyche, that she should continue on her own.
“Can we finish this conversation later? Maybe tonight?”
>”You are a hard one to crack, monster hunter.”
>You empty your glass and she takes it away.
>The haze of inebriation is beginning to blanket you and Daisy pulls a discoloring root that had been a dark crimson at one point but had since turned into a pale pinkish color.
>She snaps a tooth sized piece off of it and extends it towards you.
>”Volta root. It will keep your head clear. Tastes like old mare’s hair though.”
>You look at the thing with disgust as Daisy deposits it on your open palm.
>”Chew it and try not to gag.”
>Her diabolical sneer is impossible to ignore and you feel like you shouldn’t trust her green eyes.
>”If you could take on a hydra then this shouldn’t be a problem for you, right?”
>Not only do you find yourself hardly able to munch on the thing, but you end up sitting for two hours in an alleyway next to the inn with a disorienting nausea, vomiting into a bucket.
>And you swear that Daisy’s laugh can be heard coming from inside.
>>27656802
Update done!
Sorry about the delay, I fell asleep yesterday.
At least I deviated from the drama, right?
>>27656818
Nice update.
You do these conversations very well.
>>27656802
>>27656818
This was all just a clever plan to drug somebody and steal their stuff while they're incompacitated, wasn't it?
But hey, puking ain't a bad way to clear your head, so she didn't lie.
>>27657319
Don't give me that face bae... you know I am biased to the mare of the night.
On the subject of the conversation, it was going to be much longer and our hunter was going to explain the events more thoroughly, but I honestly thought it would be best to get things going, especially since I want to finally get a conversation with Twilight.
>>27657484
Nah, that's vengeance for playing hard and being so bold as to claim to killing a Hydra.
In the words of scholar and princess, Miss Twilight Sparkle:
"Volta Root, also known as The Minotaur Remedy, is a multi-purposed, aerial root that comes from a special type of vine known as Volta Ivy which is predominant in humid environments such as the jungles of southern Equestria. The root is known of its so called miraculous qualities of healing any type of stomach pains, heartburn, fever, nausea, or hangover and is used in miniscule amounts in the practice of modern medicine. The name comes from an old mare's tale that narrated the travels of a minotaur by the name of Fortunate Navigator through the corners of Equestria and how he discovered the root in a desperate attempt to survive an exotic kind of illness. The root, quite common in its natural form in drinking establishments, is very hard on the body and should be consumed exclusively by minotaurs since their stout constitution is the only one that can take advantage of its properties without other less than desirable effects."
>>27658133
Sure do hope those two get back to speaking terms.Hail the Night Maiden
bimp
>>27659095
Hail!
>>27659095
Little do we know, we've been on speaking terms the whole time, and we're just in a contest to see who can give who the cold shoulder the longest.
10
saved
Bamp
Just a question, I saw the thread name and that got me thinking of writing(for the first time) a story about a space age anon bounty hunter. Is it okay with you guys?
>>27669640
Fuck yeah
>>27669640
Go for it!
>>27669640
I approve this amazing undertaking!
>>27669640
Sounds like an interesting idea, will look out for it.
>>27669683
>>27669718
>>27669843
>>27669902
Oh fuck that's a lot of demand. Expect a prologue around tomorrow night earliest or Monday night latest.I better not fuck this up
>>27670039
Write away, brave soul.
We'll be waiting for you! We trust you!You better not fuck this up.
10
Hi, Bounty Hunter Anon here, apparently I have nothing better to do at 9:30 in the morning, so here's the first part of the prologue. Keep in mind that I wrote this on the fly, so don't judge too harshly.
>You are Anonymous, the bounty hunter, and am currently locked inside a shipping crate.
>As you bounce around inside the cargo hold of a transport ship, you groan loudly and shift around, trying to get some semblance of comfort.
>A job offer came to you from the head of the Starlight Coalition, a group of companies that formed together to monopolize space travel, such as fuel companies, craft producers, and maintenance shops.
>The proposal was simple; kill Arnold Van Damm, the chief scientist of a budding company, as well as destroy any research and experiments he and his team created.
>The Coalition would sneak you onto the base using a transport ship that had been intercepted while running supplies between a local colony and the base, using a shipping container as your ticket in.
>You would proceed to assassinate Arnold, and would either extract when the situation became too hot, or you killed everyone aboard the ship.
>It wasn’t necessary to kill his crew, but for every dead scientist, you would be awarded sizable chunk of cash.
>A loud thump and the feeling of solid ground interrupt your thoughts, bringing you back to reality.
“It’s show time,” you mutter quietly.
>>27672236
>As the transport hits the ground, you hear a mechanical whirr and a thud as the ramp lowers and hits the ground.
>You hear distant footsteps, barely audible as your pilot slams shut the door of the transport, sending a soft vibration through your crate.
>”Hey, you aren’t the guy who was running supplies last time, what gives?” A voice asked, presumably security.
>You suck in a load of air and ready your silenced MK 21 MOD 5, fearful that the plot had been discovered before it even began.
>”Oh, uhh, there was a flu running around the base camp, and he got really sick, so they sent me as a replacement,” The pilot responds, cool as ice. ”We couldn’t notify you because a solar flare blocked communications from down there up to your craft satellite.”
>”Oh, alright,” the security guard says. “Give them my sympathies, and notify us if you need antibiotics or any medication, we have plenty of them up here.”
>You exhale quietly, resolving to sit down at a bar with the pilot and buy him a drink for saving your ass.
>”I’ll unload the goods, notify the mechanic to recharge your Elerium cores, and you should be good to go.”
>You feel the container you rest in being lifted up, and the guard grunts loudly.
>”Holy hell this thing is heavy, mind giving me a hand?”
>His arms give way and drop the container sideways, and you crash your head against the ramp of the transport, giving you a brief concussion.
>“Hey easy now,” the pilot says. “That package is a special delivery to the science team, and it might be fragile.”
>”Oh yeah, sorry about that.” he replies, sheepishly.
>You feel another pair of hands grab the other side of the container, and the pilot counts down from 3 as they hoist you upwards, carrying you to their objective.
p.10 bump
>>27674525
Bump
Bampou
>>27672236
nigga relax, no on expects you to be great, especially on your first try.
looking forward to more updates
>>27672236
>>27673121
Don't forget to name yourself.
10
Bamp
>>27678888
Quads for best princess.
10 again
9
bamp
>>27686267
Bumps
9
Bamp
>>27673121
>After what felt like an eternity of bumping into things, switching from sideways to upright to fit through doorways, your plastic prison was finally set down.
>At this point, you would rather go and sleep off the queasiness, but sadly, a job had to be done.
>”Hey doc!” the guard yells. “We got a special order from the colony.”
>”Oh really?” a feminine voice responds. “I’ll take a look at it.”
>”You need anything else doc?”
>”No, I should be fine, thanks for the help.”
>”No problem doc.”
>You hear the guard exit the room, his footsteps fading as he walks down the hall.
>”Now let’s open you up and see what the colony has in store for me.”
>You hear a loud squawk as a crack of light comes through the box, signaling your time to act.
>You barely register the surprise on her face before you put one right through her temple, splattering blood and brains across the wall.
>”HEY DOC!” you hear the security guard yell.
>” I HEARD A BANG, DID SOMETHING GO WRONG?”
>Quickly, you drag her body to the upper right side of the room, and wait at the lower left side, knife drawn.
>The purpose was to draw attention to the body, giving you a window of opportunity to sneak up behind the unsuspecting guard.
>”Oh God doc… what happened?”
>You watch him enter the room, rifle drawn, walking towards the scientist’s body.
Also, sorry for the small haitus, real life and cinnamon rolls got in the way of writefagging.
>>27694692
>You approach him cautiously, before restraining him with your left hand and holding your knife to his throat.
>He briefly resists before he feels you slowly drag the knife across his throat, not hard enough to cut, but to make a point.
>”Shout, struggle, or move a single damn muscle, and I will end you.”
>You hear him gulp before he slowly nods his head.
>”Where’s Van Damm?”
> “Right across the hallway to the right, second door to the left,” he says quietly. “That’s the observatory; he’s doing a lab experiment in the main chamber.”
>Satisfied with his answer, you cut his airway with your thumb, slowly strangling him, before letting go when he falls limp.
>No sense in killing when you get nothing out of it.
>You pick up his rifle, a MK. 21 CQR model, designed to be shorter than the outdated MK 14, more suited to close quarters, but still able to put holes in targets accurately up to 2000 meters.
>You search his person and find four magazines, all fully topped off.
>With your newfound rifle, you walk towards the observatory, ready to end another grueling day of work.
>>27694694
>When you get to the door of the observatory, you see a keycard slide next to the door.
>Of course, what ship wouldn’t use a keycard system for security?
>Backtracking, you search the body of the dead scientist, and find a keycard in the back pocket of her lab coat.
>Sliding the card on the scanner, it makes a quiet beep and flashes a green light, granting you access through the door.
>As you enter the observatory, you notice the design, an outlook that was very similar to the higher seats of an opera theater, albeit much smaller.
>You must’ve gone up a few flights of stairs in your box journey, explaining the bumping and bouncing about.
>The outlook was covered with a thick plexiglass, ruling out the use as a sniper spot, but was good to use for recon of the layout of the lower level.
> You can see three scientists, one whom you identify as Arnold Van Damm, fiddling around with a control panel, presumably to control the small, black ball fluctuating in size seemingly randomly.
> There was nothing else to see from the observatory, so you decide to search the hallway for an elevator.
>It didn’t take you long to find the elevator, as it was at the end of the corridor.
>Punching the experimentation chamber button, you take a moment to recollect your thoughts, and remember the irony of the situation.
>You have committed a count of first degree murder, assault and battery towards a security guard, and am about to possibly commit three more counts of murder.
>Yep, just another day on the job.
>>27694694
Fak, I just realized I greened anon text.
It was supposed to be:
"Shout, struggle, move a single damn muscle, and I will end you.
bump
>>27695052
I'm liking this.
>>27694974
>When the elevator door opens, you see a single long corridor, and a metal door at the end of the hall.
>A window to the right of it confirms it was the entrance to the experimentation chamber.
“Alright Anon,” you say aloud. “It’s now or never.”
>You wave your keycard across the scanner, and slowly the door begins to open.
>”Hey, important experiments are being conducted!” you hear Arnold yell.
>”Get out of the testing chamber!”
>You can see dread pour over his face as you raise the rifle and open fire.
>You find your mark at the head of Van Damm, and his head seemingly disappears, replaced by a fine pink mist.
>The other two scientists have taken cover behind the control panel.
>You sling the rifle back across your shoulder, draw your pistol, and slowly walk towards the control panel.
>As soon as you see a lab coat, you fire two shots, turning a white coat into bloody red.
>You hear a loud scream, and as you come closer, quiet weeping.
>”Please don’t kill me… please don’t kill me…” a young woman quietly repeats.
>A pang of guilt hits you, and you’re reminded of the implications of the job.
>She was pretty, probably an intern taken under a senior scientist’s wing.
>What a shame.
>You raise the pistol, and you see her close her eyes, resigned to her fate.
>As you press the trigger, all you hear is a hollow click.
“Well young lady, my ammo management problems have saved you.”
>She sighs in relief, before crawling backwards in fear as you unsling the rifle from your shoulder.
“Momentarily.”
>A loud bang, then silence is all that was heard.
Hope this is good enough to summon ziri
http://vocaroo.com/i/s1AV1ps97qGD
>>27703043
you did that?
>>27703395
Actually no, but saved from a fellow horsefucker post long ago
Bump
Bimp
>it's been a week
>>27708150
Again
Ziri Please.
>>27701293
Dang, anon has no chill does he?
Also, the story's interesting so far though some context could be shown to give the story some background like about anon himself such as why he's a bounty hunter, what was the purpose of killing Arnold Van Damm, the setting of the story etc. but all that's just imo.
9
>>27701293
>You swap pistol mags and rack the slide, ensuring that a similar situation would never occur.
>Damn, even you had to admit that was a bit cruel.
>Killing them was enough; you didn’t have to send them to hell with a personal message.
>Your thoughts are interrupted by a sound similar to a crack of thunder, which draws your attention to the concentrated wormhole in the middle of the chamber.
>Shit, apparently Van Damm was holding the lever when you punched his ticket, and fully unleashed the wormhole.
>You break into a sprint for the stairs, reading the guide, and heading to the third floor, where the airship dock was at.
>As you arrive, you see the plane take off, leaving a strange device in its place.
>You barely have time to process your betrayal before an explosion racks the ship, knocking you back through the doorway.
>You feel the breath being sucked from your lungs, and just barely manage to close the door to the landing dock before gasping for breath.
“Well I’m not getting out that way,” You say, sighing and climbing to your feet.
>You look through the window, out onto the destroyed landing dock.
>All looked normal, except for…
>No fucking way.
>>27709928
I swear I didn't add the first part of the this segment because of this post, I wrote it before the post was made.
I tried to make anon seem like a guy not lacking a moral compass, but chose to ignore it during jobs. As long as it puts money in the bank and food on the table, he'll sink his knees in blood. A quote from Kazuhira Miller describes it perfectly: Rubbing our noses in bloody battlefield dirt. All for [s]revenge[/s] money
>>27713922
>A light green fire spread across the destroyed metal, slowly consuming it almost like an acid.
>These guys wanted to play THIS dirty.
>You curse loudly and begin running back down the stairs, towards the experimentation chamber.
>Greek fire, or scientifically known as elerium-induced fire, was a phenomenon that puzzled scientists and destroyed planets.
>Whenever pure, refined elerium was exposed to flame or an explosion of any kind, it created Greek fire.
>It had the special property of being able to consume everything as fuel, from metal, to rock, to human flesh, leaving no traces behind.
>It was mostly the reason elerium weapons haven’t been put into mass production, as impure elerium wasn’t a strong enough energy source, but pure was too dangerous to be handled as ammo.
>Elerium refineries were always in special industrial ships for this exact reason, to prevent a catastrophic failure from destroying planets, other ships, and even entire solar systems.
>You were stuck in a literal death trap, with no way out except for…
>The wormhole.
>You had two options at this point, jump through and untested wormhole, and possibly be dropped in the middle of space, a hostile planet, or into safety.
>That, or burn alive with the ship.
>Your mind made, you run through the corridor, looking for the dressing room.
>You run inside and quickly put on a spacesuit and oxygen tank, checking for damage and running preliminary tests.
>If you did end up in the middle of space, hopefully they would keep you alive long enough to have a spaceship pick you up.
>You run back to the experimentation chamber and open the door.
>At this point the wormhole has expanded to double its original size, becoming incredibly unstable.
>Soon, it would collapse upon itself, leaving you trapped.
>You get a running start, suck in a deep breath of air, and jump into the wormhole.
I screwed up the strikethrough, shit.
Bamp
bidump
>>27718841
>page 10
Hermano te necesito!
10
Sad bump
bamp
what did we do wrong lads?
We need to summon him. Quick post argentina pone!
>>27727921
>>27656802
>It is, undeniably, a most miserable experience.
>A couple of passersby get a glimpse of you in the middle of your sorry endeavor and they stop only long enough to get a good look at what you are doing, for you to lethargically raise your head towards them, and for your pale expression to convey your glum emotions, before they walk away without a word.
>You wonder if you have been poisoned, if that root is somehow liquefying your organs, killing you in a pathetic way that would leave you lying in the darkness, dead over a pool of your own fluids only to be found after the stench of your corpse becomes hard to notice.
>Thankfully though, this is not the case.
>You are eventually relieved of your queasiness, and by that time midday is already here, the smell of food is filling the interior of the inn, seeping through the open windows along the voices of unknown patrons that have trudged into the establishment in search of something that might sate their thirst, their hunger, or their want for socialization.
>The moment that you enter, leaving the bucket behind in the hopes of never seeing that thing again, you catch a glimpse of Daisy rushing in an out of what you assume to be a kitchen, carrying with her plates of varying vegie dishes and tall glasses of either water or liquor.
>There is shouting and laugher coming from a table of off-duty minotaur guards who seem to be enjoying their hard drinks far too much and they slam their fists repeatedly after each joke they share.
>The bison from yesterday are sitting at the same table, speaking in hushed tones and eying you inquisitively when your attention is elsewhere.
>One of them, scrawny with a pointed jaw and a pronounced mustache, is tapping his leg nervously, muttering the same thing that he has been doing ever since they arrived at the town.
>”The cart. We have to get the cart back.”
>>27729092
>Another one is pressing his right temple with a hoof, making circles, massaging the skin and working his head over a solution to the troubles that have left them stranded in this place.
>The third had been the first to notice you and he had caught, whether by chance or by his imagination, the way in which your eyes shone with the same sharpness as had those of the hunter of the southern forests.
>It was, he thought, most certainly the unmistakable glimmer of those that had traveled deep into the forbidden mazes of wilderness where the trees whispered names and the deerkin dared not traverse, a realm that had never been explored except for those lost ones that knew nothing more than the thrill of the kill.
>He measures your gait as you get to the counter, spots the silver on your hip, sees the tears and the stains on your clothes, and his chest tightens when you turn towards him pushed by the uncomfortable sensation of a stranger’s firm stare.
>None of you speak, and you dismiss the occurrence with little thought to its cause, but to him it was a moment of acknowledgement and recognition.
>You were just like that one other.
>Daisy brings you a glass of clear water on her way to serve an order of tulip and hibiscus sandwiches and another of homemade lettuce and hay salad.
>It is, perhaps, her way of apologizing for what the root had caused.
>The water appeases the oppressing heat that had gathered at the bottom of your throat and you drink it without restrain, to the point of allowing a few drops to escape the rim of the glass, towards the edges of your lips and down the sides of your chin.
>You do not thank her or ask for anything else, but she leaves a full jug of water in front of you, to the dismay of a nearby pegasus who had been paying for every drink he took for the past hour.
>>27729101
>The inn is a hub of activity at this hour and the threads of surrounding conversations become tangled with one another, reaching you in unrecognizable, jumble messes of disconnected words, allowing only the faintest understanding of what is being said.
>A mention of a cheeky maiden and her latest run in with the local florist, the rumpus of a drinking contest, the hollering of a disgruntled guard who has been itching for a chance to join a caravan and leave the monotony of the town.
>Everyone shares in the food and the drinks and leave generous tips while you empty your glass.
>Once, twice, three times.
>The jug is left rather light by the time you are satisfied and Daisy needs but look at your face to understand this.
>Hunger does not get you –it still does not come, no matter how long you remain without a meal- and it is something that worries you, much like the consequences of your arrival.
>It appears to be a small commodity, a benefit to be thankful of in a world where there isn’t much that could have actually satisfied your needs for sustenance, and you have come to embrace it as such, having eaten only out of either habit or when you desired to share breakfast with Twilight.
>But there is a fear, so far distant and negligible, that something is undoubtedly wrong.
>It doesn’t gnaw and crawl through your innards, not like the breach that has been drawn between you and her does, not like the thought of losing her does.
>You watch others eat their fill, stuff their mouths with flowers and hay and dough, down it with alcohol and accompany it with laughter, and you feel detached from them all, sharing nothing but the roof and language, wanting not their company but that of your dear friend.
>Daisy puts a clay plate with two slices of white bread on the counter before you and flashes you a smile as she continues on her rounds.
>>27729110
>The pegasus next to you grumbles something about free service and horny mares as you eat and laugh to yourself at his obvious annoyance, enjoying the warm, freshly baked bread as you push your thoughts away from Twilight.
>With nothing to do inside and the cloudless sky painted a lively blue you make your way out to the streets and head onto the smithy to check on Forging Grip and his progress on your armor.
>You take a few steps, passing by a couple of unicorn ponies, when their faces turn sheet white and their heads jerk to the side.
>In the distance, to the south, the sound of a horn is cutting the world in half.
>There is a commotion inside the inn and the guards are the first to dash out, pushing you to the side as they run to the source of the noise and the southern gates.
>A mare screams and a plate falls to the ground, shattering.
>Pegasi and gryphon flap their wings and take to the skies in a flurry of feathers.
>You push yourself off the ground, verifying that your revolver is still in its place as you do, and look up to the streets to find the citizens of the town running in a panic, yelling to one another.
>”What is going on?”
>”Follow the guards!”
>”Is it monsters? Are we being attacked?”
>”It’s a disaster! It’s the end!”
>”No, no, the hunters… they are being chased!”
>Their distress is pervasive and as they run like a pack of frightened deer, answering the call of the horn, so do you with a swiftness that had been lost to you for days.
>Your muscles tremble with each hurried step, tense with anticipation, filled with the exhilaration of being free from the shackles of your wounds.
>Twilight’s magic had been miraculous and even if you didn’t realize it, the Volta Root has purged your body of toxins, fed you with adrenaline, and has now brought you a sharpness found only in those creatures of fangs and claws that stalk in the night.
>>27729114
>Your speed matches that of the stallions with ease and not a moment later you overcome them and reach the minotaurs.
>You run with them through the streets and between houses of wood and clay bricks, the wind on your back and your revolver by your side.
>The horn sounds again as you finally reach the gates and see what is going on.
>There are blurry shapes of ponies, zebras and minotaurs crossing the plains with madness in their eyes, their legs straining with the effort of almost an hour of desperate fleeing.
>Their furs are greasy with sweat, twigs and leaves and blood is pasted to their bodies.
>And behind them, finally gaining on them, is a pack of timberwolves huge both in size and number.
>25 wolves chasing after 7 preys.
>One of the guards asks for fire, a few others prepare bows and take aim, but none dare cross the walls and head into the open.
>Two gryphons and a pegasus are panting, breathless and exhausted next to the open gate, laying on the dirt while a unicorn tends to them with water.
>They too are covered in grime and blood.
>A minotaurs clenches his axe and shouts.
>”Take the shot!”
>An archer answers with a trembling voice.
>”It’s too long!”
>You watch as the prey pull all their strength into a final dash towards the safety of the town, pushing themselves to the limit, and you realize with horrid certainty that they will not make it.
>The enormous paws of the timberwolves leave monstrous tracks as they begin to position themselves to the sides of the group of runners, their maws agape and hungry for the slaughter.
>They plan on either cutting them off or jumping over them once they are all in reach, to attack them all at once in a gruesome display of savagery.
>You know this tactic, the pack mentality that the hunters so often apply when chasing a deer or moose or when facing a prey bigger than themselves.
>>27729121
>The same minotaur as before orders the archers to fire regardless but they all know that the arrows won’t make it in time.
>The horn booms over the fields, both in warning to the wolves and in calling to the citizens of the town.
>But the runners won’t make it.
>You steal one of the many bows and shoulder a quiver that lie abandoned by the inner side of the wall and race through the gates, the guards yelling at you to come back as your feet carry you towards the prey and the hunters.
>The wolves are gaining on them.
>The target is quick and vicious.
>After a hundred meters you plant yourself in the grass, steady your heart, and take aim.
>The leader is easy to spot.
>He leads them, on the right and approaching the head of the runners.
>You judge the distance, predict their path, and measure the wind.
>You count the breaths -one, two, three -, and release just as the horn sounds again.
>The arrow flies and strikes the wolf behind the leader, entering the open jaws and pushing into the throat, causing the wolf to collapse instantly, his remains landing on another, causing it to the tumble out of balance and be crumbled by the rest of the pack.
>One of the runners, an earth pony stallion, begins to scream frantically as he runs.
>You nock another arrow, correct your aim, breathe, and release.
>It misses the leader again, centimeters away to the right, but manages to pierce another wolf’s leg, making it fall to the ground in a heap of vines and bark.
>Two others are unable to dodge in time and crash into him, joining those downed in the grass.
>The leader doesn’t see this; he has eyes for his prey alone.
>Two minotaur fire from the wall but their arrow never reach their mark.
>One more time you nock, aim, and breathe, your sights placed firmly on your target, and it is now, by divinity or luck, that you see the blades of grass moving around the runners, shifting to the right by the touch of the wind.
>>27729134
>And you also notice, almost dreamily, that the air tastes of dried leaves and something wild.
>You correct, blink, and release.
>The arrow finds its mark on the left eye of the wolf, bringing it to the ground as his wooden legs crack and his body loses whatever force was keeping it together, breaking apart and taking with him three others.
>Not a second after, the pack slows down and stops, their green eyes burning hatefully at the backs of their used-to-be prey.
>One of them approaches the remains of the leader and prods it desolately with its muzzle and finds no response from the heap.
>Of the original 25 only 19 remain, and they glare at the escaping prey, hunger and animalistic bloodlust blazing green in their faces.
>You barely have time to prepare another shot when one of the wolves’ howls signals that the hunt isn’t over and the rustle of wood fills the air as they take to the chase once more with renewed vigor.
>Twice you take aim and twice you hit a wolf, but your hands soon grabs at nothing and to your horror there are no more arrows.
>The group of runners passes by you with agonizing fatigue and a zebra collapses a few steps behind you, unable to run any more.
>A hundred meters away, the pack is closing in.
>You had hoped to avoid it, to take care of it without wasting a single bullet, yet the reality of the situation is undeniable and there is nothing else that can be done.
>The wall is too far away, the archers haven’t ventured the open fields, and the wolves are almost upon you.
>Letting go of the bow your right hand grips the revolver resolutely and takes it out of its holster before the old hunting weapon can touch the grass.
>With firmness and calculated coldness you place yourself between the downed zebra and the approaching beasts, getting on one knee and aiming, supporting your wrist with the other hand to further steady your firearm; you are a bulwark against the ferocious and deadly.
>>27729145
>Just like it had been 13 years ago in the depths of the forest, with your father’s back pressed onto the tree, his arm bleeding and his face pale.
>The wild circled you, studying you as you shiver like a little boy under his covers, praying and crying and begging for the terrors of the night to hide.
>Your father’s wound was deep, its scent easily followed through the wilderness.
>The two of you had been running ever since you heard the first foreboding howl but there was only so far you could go in his poor state and eventually you were forced to find a place to rest.
>They had found you soon after, the three of them that were left, and you were the only thing standing in their way to a good meal, your hands shaking dreadfully while holding your yet-to-be-familiar gun.
>He took you by the shoulder, trying his best to reassure you of your abilities, whispering guidance from his spot against the trunk.
>You were lost in the blue gaze of the hunter, ensnared by it, nothing more than another prey.
>But the gun hadn’t failed you that time, your right hand had wielded it true and your left hand had supported its weight dutifully.
>Now it is the very same thing, only that the flesh and fur has been replaced by branches and rocks, and the defenseless is a stranger in need.
>It hasn’t changed enough to change the outcome, in fact the years had only trained you further, and you know that you will not fall prey to fangs and claws.
>”The gun must be respected and its power understood, but never forget who are the true hunters of these halls.”
>He had told you that, another lesson, and the words now shine, engraved inside of you as they are.
>Behind you, past the zebra and the gates, the townsfolk gather and watch with winded amazement as everything unfolds.
>Daisy has joined them, standing next to the bulky minotaur with whom she shared a lover’s song.
>>27729149
>The guards are focused intently on your every move, waiting to see what you will do.
>The bison wait with parted lip and bated breath, the answers that they sought are hanging off their tongues, prepared to roll of their mouths and into the midday breeze.
>And on the roof of one of the houses, away from sight, Twilight’s attention is wholly on you with her heart at her throat and a spell at the ready.
>The wolves charge continues.
>Someone sounds the horn, still hoping that it will scare the creatures away.
>But you know all too well that they won’t cease in their hunt, it is evident in their every move, the weight they put into each massive step, their hungry jaws open in anticipation to the kill.
>They do not fear you.
>You pull back the hammer and fire.
>The world turns bright purple and all sound bows to the boom of destruction, to the terrifying clash of thunder and magic and death, the light is blinding like always, as if a star had been willed to come down from the skies and rest in your hand, and none can see what happened at first.
>They can, however, hear the roar of a dragon coming from you.
>Magic has become one with your shot, come together in a perfect, beautiful, and deadly union, dancing in and around the bullet, evaporation the air and scorching the ground, yet it isn’t a magic imbuement of the shot, nor is it the work of a spell or a rune.
>She sees it in the glow of the barrel and the undeniable familiarity she senses in the flow of magic all throughout the land, a veritable call of the mystic and the arcane that reverberated in the tip of the horn.
>This was the first time that she has been able to see it, perceive it in its wholeness.
>>27729159
>When it happened in the Everfree Forest she was barely conscious, her thoughts meager threads of prayer and pain; in Serpent’s Heart the distance had been too great and her attention elsewhere; during the fight against the hydra she was far too lost in the weaving of her spells and in dodging the heads of the beast, the flow of magic around her barely noticeable; and she had never known of your defiant shot at the top of the Spire.
>But now she feels everything, the sensations pushing against her fur and ruffling her feathers, the disturbance in the web of energy that is knitted inside of her being, superimposed on her nerves and infused in her blood.
>She knows that what you have wielded in your gun with such viciousness and fervent intensity is, unquestionably, the magic that had been taken from her on that day so many months ago.
>The shot hits the center of the pack, landing straight into the one that guides them and pushing through it like a derailed train that crushes everything in its path.
>25 wolves had crosses the edge of the forest, 17 had been spared the arrows, and only 5 the gun.
>The rest, along with the grass that the bullet had traveled over until the magical integrity of it had collapsed, causing a faraway explosion that sounded frighteningly similar to the death cry of a manticore, where eradicated.
>It does not bother you to see that ashes, faintly green in color, are scattering to the winds where the once living wolves had been, and it relieves you to see that the remaining ones do not test their luck and tempt the gun, deciding instead to run back south, eventually becoming dots in the distance.
>Had they continued their charge, it would have meant wasting another precious bullet.
>You holster your weapon -thankful that the gloves still worked as intended-, grab the bow that you had dropped, and stand up to head towards the fallen zebra.
>>27729167
“I need some help over here! We need to take him inside!”
>Three minotaur guards, frightfully at first and then warily once near you, step out of the shelter of their town.
>They stand before you for a few seconds, marveling at the destruction that you have caused and seeing you in a new, harsher light, before one of them carries the zebra in his arms back to safety and towards the local doctor.
>You walk with them in silence, satisfied that you have been able to save the lives of a group of unfortunate travelers, but wondering what could have cause such a huge pack to venture beyond the edges of their homes and out into the fields, going as far as to challenge the one who has killed their alpha.
>Perhaps, timberwolves are not mirror matches to their earthy, fleshy counterparts.
>Or perhaps, and you realize how dangerous this possibility is, something has forced them to act this way.
>>27729173
Update done!
>>27727921
>>27728190
The Argenta summons worked!
>>27703043
>>27708150
>>27708395
>>27709207
>>27724037
>>27725502
>>27726609
I love you guys...Don't hate me famillia.
I don’t mean to turn this into a blog so let’s keep it short and settle with “life stuff”.
Tomorrow I'll try to post the follow up to this update and the awaited conversation between Twi and our hunter.
>>27713966
Should I offer some input on your story, dear Walle?
>>27729227
The Pastebin hasn't been updated, and I don't know whats going on ;-; Could you update it later?
>>27729227
please blog
>>27729227
>>27729258
Wow, that was REALLY outdated. I have added everything up to and including this last update. Please enjoy and thank you for reminding me!
>>27729319
I dont think that would be very appropriate.
>>27729367
Huzzah! The green has returned!
>>27729500
Thank you based Ziri!
>>27729636
No need to thank me.
I'm here for you bby.
>>27729173
Guess we're gonna have to find a unicorn that can clone objects so we don't run out of bullets soon.
>>27729227
And what an update this is. Next part looks like is going to be very interesting. Gracias Hermano.
9
>>27729227
awesome update. i hope you sort out your life stuff
love you too
>>27729227
Yeah... Criticism is much appreciated.
I honestly don't think I did that well, and maybe I made anon a bit edgy? Would really appreciate an experienced veteran to give me some feedback.
>>27733118
On the topic of feedback, I would appreciate any constructive criticism ex.>>27709928
10
>>27733118
I’m not a veteran but since I'm passionate about it –writing is one (if not the only) practical thing that I find myself really interested in doing- I’ll offer whatever help I can.
First of all, let me tell you that it isn't a bad piece and you've done well so far, so in case that you are worried that you have performed poorly, don't be.
The story is honestly too short as it is now so there are things that I can’t point out yet, so I’ll instead give you some tips.
Number one: Anon's attitude is yours to portray as you see fit.
Whether he is an edgelord or a white knight is completely up to you, the only thing that you have to be mindful of is up to which limits you are going to take such things and how they are going to shape the character. Taking your story for example, if you are going to show Anon ruthlessly killing a couple of humans then you have to engrave such an attitude into his actions and personality. A man doesn’t simply become a hitman and remains pure of heart, he either goes over the edge or hangs precariously from an area in between. There is nothing wrong with having some “edge” to a character, but be consistent about it and careful of how far you can push such a thing without it becoming overwhelming for the reader or unfitting for the story.
Number two: background.
The where, when, and why of the story are its pillars. However, there is no rule that says that you have to answer all those questions from the get-go. You explain them when you believe it appropriate or comfortable, which means that there is no reason for you to go dive straight into it and pour it all at once. Provide the information as it would be best both for the reader to know and for the story to progress.
>>27736397
Some things don’t have to be said for the reader to be able follow the story –like the date-, others are best left ambiguous -the reasons behind a character’s actions-, and some are unquestionably necessary –pointing out where the action is taking place-. In this case, we already know that the setting is futuristic, that Anon is a bounty hunter with a contract to kill Van Damm, and that he is inside the scientist’s stronghold. However, just like >>27709928 said, the reasons behind why Anon is a bounty hunter could be called into question and need to be addressed since they might play an important part in the shaping of his personality and ambitions. Is he in it for the money and doesn’t concern himself with the means for that end? Could he be trying to climb some sort of professional ladder in order to reach his true objective? Or was he, perhaps, trained from a young age to act as a weapon for hire? Whatever the reason, think of how that might reflect on his behavior. Since this is building up to be an AiE green and the man’s stay on the real world was short lived, I think that the amount of information you have provided is adequate but could, if you want to and the story would require it, expand it further down the road.
I had something to say about Anon being the driving force for the narrative and some other stuff, but it all seems to escape me right now… sorry.
On a more specific matter, you began the story with:
>You are Anonymous, the bounty hunter, and am currently locked inside a shipping crate.
That isn’t inherently wrong, but the whole “You are Anon” thing has grown rather stale and readers tend to appreciate a different approach. I would like to point out that you wrote “and am currently”, which should have been “and (you) are currently” or “the bounty hunter, currently locked”.
>>27736404
There is little repetition and just a few instances of grammatical errors, so I would say that this is a good start and you have clearly put some work into it, which some people tend not to do, instead posting half assed attempts at green (not to insult you guys that do, but going the extra mile really does make what you type more appealing).
Always, and I can’t stress this enough, proof read everything. Multiple times if you have to. And I mean it. Read that shit. This isn’t only important for the sake of polish, but because you have to keep a close eye on characterization, pace, consistency, and the direction of the story. If you write Anon aiming a gun at some pony during an argument, making it worry about its wellbeing or that of others, you can’t later act like he is a cheerful, amiable guy or have said pony completely ignore what happened. Everything the characters do should follow the guidelines provided by past events, so you have to be certain that you mean every step of the journey to be the exact way that you want it to be.
Your story is in its infancy, so go ahead and write some more, the anons would appreciate it and it is an amazing thing to do. There is nothing like turning the fantasies and pictures in your head into life, transforming thought into entertainment for others. I certainly wish someone had taught me how marvelous reading and writing is when I was younger, maybe that way I would have started doing so earlier in my life.
FUCK THIS TURNED OUT LONG! Maybe I should leave constructive advice to the guys over at the Writers' Guild...
Have a TwiTwi for your troubles.
>>27736415
Jesus Christ what
>>27737051
What what?
Bump
>>27736404
The "you are anonymous" thing was me kinda trying to copy other green openings, as I kinda had the thought of "if it ain't broke, don't fix it."
>>27736415
I wrote things late at night, not bothering to proofread much, and actually noticed a few mistakes(one I corrected) after posting. Will definitely keep this advice close. Thanks a lot man!
>Hunter Anon
Fuck, I was hype for Bloodborne related content.
>>27740424
Also, you described my green as AiE(Anon in Equestria presumably). Would you describe your story the same way? If not, what's the difference between your green and an AiE green?
>>27740435
Funny story about that, when I was coming up with a concept for my green, I entertained the idea of a vampire/supernatural hunter anon around the medieval times, equipped with silver bolts, a crossbow, and holy water. May get around to writing that sometime.
>>27740462
Make it grim and victorian and I'm down.
>>27729500
I love the smell of green
>>27740462
oh please do it Walle
>>27624712
ITS BACK
![gunslinger1[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/ZKUA2Q7.jpg "gunslinger1[1].jpg")
>>27740435
he clearly means a hunter from Destiny, senpai
>page 9
>>27744322
>>27740435
You fools and your damned vidya have no taste!
I was obviously referring to a Pathfinder Hunter.
>>27740435
There is a story that has been floating around in my head but I don't have the time to write it, otherwise you'd already see it posted in the "I miss /souls/" thread.
>>27740424
>>27740448
Considering the fact that my story takes place in the world of Equestria and the attention is mainly focused on Anon, I'd say that it falls under the category of Anon in Equestria (AiE).
We don't know yet what direction you'll take with yours, but I assumed you were going to land Bounty Hunter Anon in Equestria after he crosses the wormhole. Could be wrong though, this is just me making assumptions.
>>27746119
The green is in /mlp/ for a reason Ziri senpai
>>27740984
Gotta focus on the bounty hunter story first, I MIGHT start it when I got a good rhythm going, if I do it at all.
ziri, you big chocolate man in denial, where's my hunter/twilight conversation with blushing followed by cuddles and kissu kissu
>>27748086
It's not like I will deliver you guys any cuddles in the dark or some insightful conversation between the two main characters that will explain everything. Hell, they won't even talk to each other.
Kissu Kissu? Pffft. Come on guys, what are you? 9?
No baby, this isn't the time for love. This is the time to introduce us some sweet, well-known OC, her friends, and the brand new Elements of Lumen!
>>27748687
>nyx
now we're talking. took you long enough to introduce a decent character in your story. can you fit metroid prime somewhere in there too?
>>27748711
Well I was considering making Lumen a friend of the Chozo, have them be the architects of everything she owned, and turn Ridley into one of her guardians, but I dropped the idea in favor of a Half-Life crossover.
Sorry, my friend.
>>27748727
dropped
>>27748752
Fine, geez, I'll make it happen...
You want some Corruption lore in that or what?
>>27748687
>Nyx
Aw shit nigga, let's get popcorn
>>27750297
>>27751674
>Tfw i just took a break from studying to check on thread
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>>27651875
Is there porn?
>>27756887
No porn. Just cute.
>>27756873
10
Ziri, will you be posting more often again soon? The thread has mostly consisted of bumps lately.
>>27761375
Cute
bumperu
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>>27729173
>Whatever the case, you leave such questions behind you and enter the town alongside the minotaurs as the crowd that has gathered watches you with astonishment and, if you can allow yourself to accept it, a respect born of not only your bravery, but from a fear brought about by the bewildering powers you wield.
>You leave the bow and quiver where you had found them, apologizing to a nearby guard for taking the equipment without permission and wasting his arrows.
>Needless to say, he doesn’t answer you.
>They are all quiet as you walk amongst them; none welcome you with applause.
>It isn’t until the zebra that they carried back rises to its feet and presses his head on your leg that the first words are spoken.
>”Thank you.”
>He nuzzles you, a gesture of gratefulness rather than affection, and then the crowd explodes in cheer.
>The streets are filled with their voices, minotaurs squeeze you in a brutish manner and slap your back with a force you are barely able to put up with while maintaining your footing.
>A mare, pink with a yellow mane, one of the runners by the dirt on her fur, hugs you and kisses your chest over a dozen times.
>They all cry out your name, stomping the ground in ovation.
>Those that you saved, that can hardly move anymore, whose lungs burn and hearts are about to burst, kneel before you on strained legs and smile with fatigued but thankful faces.
>All of them use words like monster hunter, guardian, and hero.
>Daisy whispers something to the ear of her friend and he pushes the crowd away from you, she follows him.
>It is she who speaks.
>”Come on now, give the guy some space! He is my customer and I won’t let the lot of you trample him!”
>Her friend places his hand on your shoulder and smiles; she talks through a toothy grin.
>”I guess what you told me was true. Consider your heroics a payment for all the free stuff I give you two.”
“Won’t you offer me another drink?”
>>27766780
>She laughs and the minotaur takes you on his shoulders.
>His voice is deep, stones rolling over gravel.
>”Easy there, friend. We have to get you to the inn first.”
>Attention never was something that you coveted, not even the good kind, so right now you feel at a loss as to how to properly react, and the fact that you begin to travel the town like a kid getting a ride through the sun touched parks of your youth makes it all a particularly uncomfortable moment.
>You try to accept their gestures with open arms nonetheless and eventually the happiness spreads to you as it did to the town.
>From the shadows of an alleyway the elephant’s personal guard watches the procession, unaware of his presence, pass by as his gaze follows you intently.
>Twilight had let go of the magic she had been gathering for a spell the moment in which she realized that there no longer was any possible threat to your life or that of others and, very much relieved, she watched you be welcomed and paraded like a hero.
>She now takes to the skies and out of the town, heading off into the forest path that leads to the forgotten tower, perching herself on the quiet canopy, ready to allow the gentle midday air to lull her to a state of tranquility that she needs if she is to face what is to come.
>Meanwhile, as your ride continues, your senses are drowned behind a wave of acute awareness of something other than what is going on in the real world, your attention forcibly pointed towards the ghastly image of an different crowd, one that is not from this time or this place, and the pale unicorn mare that is being carried on the shoulders of a minotaur whose fur is thick, bleached by the sun and the ocean air that is so rich in salt, and her neck adorned with a rustic necklace.
>Around her are a hundred other beings, varied in gender and species, all of which hold the name of the pony on their lips as they chant.
>>27766802
>Her magic had cut open the earth and gifted them all with a way to the sea, a place in which to build their town, where the fish might be bountiful and the riches plenty.
>They already have plans for a port, dreams of becoming the first trading town between other emerging western cities and Equestria, and fantasies of charting routes for caravans and ships.
>She promised to help with the construction and had shared with you her desire to build her tower a few kilometers out at sea, where she might not only look over the citizens and the ships, but the whole world.
>But you don’t care about such things, your only interest is the way in which she is looking at you, with a smile that tells of the intensity of her affection, of an evening on the hay, and of a passion that would be unwise to show when the sun is up and its glaring light might pierce the blinds and intrude upon the act.
>You know you are smiling back at her, that you love her even if you don’t understand what it means to do so, and that you are deeply troubled by how attached you are becoming to her, scared that your sins might one day catch up with you and reach her.
>Everything is over after you blink, the vision banishes and the past gives way to the present, and the day goes on.
…
>Celebration is on the mind of every citizen until the sundown.
>Or at the very least, on those that are taken off to the house of the local doctor to get their much needed rest and medical attention.
>You and a great part of your entourage spend the afternoon inside the inn, partaking in some small festivities which gives Daisy much joy and coin with every round of drinks or food that is ordered.
>>27766811
>There are many who at first believe you had originated from the south where the fabled monster hunters battle against the ever present beasts that if left unchecked would threaten the plains, caravans, and travelers, but upon hearing the truth behind your arrival find themselves amazed even further.
>For hours you are bombarded with questions about your life and origins, and with every drink you take your tongue becomes looser and your telling more fluid, which in turn causes you to speak more openly about your world, embellishing your tales for the entertainment of your listeners and keeping out the more sour details that could ruin the jovial mood that fills the establishment.
>But not even the alcohol can keep you from being painfully aware that Twilight had never joined you.
>Eventually, as disappointing as it was to everyone gathered inside the inn, you are too distraught by the continued lack of her presence that you decide to excuse to bed with the pretext of a very acute and abrupt headache.
>You are met with audible protest from those that were enjoying your company but you leave nonetheless, wishing them all a good night and polite nod to both the innkeeper and her lover.
>Steadily you make your way upstairs and into your room, where you find the princess by the window, staring at the moon.
>It is impossible for her to have not noticed you arrival and yet she acts as if you hadn’t even entered the room, which only shows how strained your relationship is.
>Without a word you take off your gear and undress, glancing at her every couple of seconds and finding her in the same position, still and indifferent.
>Remaining only on your short, you get on the bed and cover yourself, choosing to face the wall rather than the cold sight of your distant friend.
>Minutes pass, sleep is too hard to achieve in the aching silence which you do not dare break by moving under the sheets, until at last she speaks.
>>27766814
>”It was a very kind thing what you did today. I was ready to intervene if it was necessary, even though I knew that you were more than capable of saving them.
>She doesn’t get an answer and deep down she had not been expecting one.
>”You may not believe me, but these days were hard on me too.”
>”This is not how I imagined things would turn out to be. For us to get hurt, for your life to always be in danger, and it is excruciating for me to have to see you that way, to put up with it and take care of you. Not a night goes by without me crying as I pour my magic into you, healing every one of yours wounds, opening new ones in my heart.
>”And the truth is that I am scared of him, of what he might do to us if we have to face him again, so much so that I just want to run home. A moment doesn’t go by without me wishing I were in my castle, with my friends, with my Spike, instead of in this place. I want to laugh with them, spend the day with them, be comforted and loved by them, to just this once turn my back on you, on all of this.”
>The joyful murmur of those still celebrating that constantly reach you through the floorboards and the door contrasts harshly with the sadness in Twilight’s words which is implied in both her message and shakiness of her voice.
>You can’t find anything to say to her, not even a single thing that might bring her a measure of reassurance or comfort, and remain silent on the bed as she continues.
>”No matter how much I wish I could fly off on my own and have you deal with him or how terrified I am of taking another step forward, I still can’t leave you.
>”I know that what you said was meant to give me strength, that you’d truly and gladly put yourself in danger if it would mean protecting me. So when you told me you were willing to give your life for me, I just couldn’t take it. I can’t accept a reality where somepony else has to be hurt so I won’t be.
>>27766823
>”And yet I am too selfish to continue on without you and care about you too much to leave. So I am left with nothing but doubt.
>”I’ve spent all these days hiding from you, trying not to think of the way I feel, and I can’t keep doing it anymore. Tomorrow is the last day that Geist told us to spend in this town and I have already reached a decision.”
>You speak, knowing full well that your answer is the only one that you can give her and that your heart will not be conflicted by it, even if it will bring you pain in the future.
“Go back to Ponyville, I can continue on my own.”
>She leaves the window -you know this by distinguishing her approaching hoofsteps over the murmur from below- and you hold your breath.
>There is a moment of hesitation when she reaches the bed, she places only one hoof and as the seconds go by you are certain that she is going to leave, but she pushes through and gets on, laying besides you, pressing her body against your back.
>”I won’t leave you.”
>You sigh, moved and troubled by her decision, and answer her coldly.
“Go back to Ponyville.”
>She extends a wing over you, slowly and deliberately, enveloping you with it.
>Her sadness is replaced by absolute determination and her speech reflects the resolution of her soul.
>”I’ve made up my mind. We’ll finish this together. We are the only ones that can.”
“I won’t let you get hurt.”
>”I won’t let you get hurt, either.”
>The room goes silent for another minute.
>”Hug me.”
>She nuzzles the nape of your neck and you shiver under her touch.
>”Please.”
>You give in before she has to ask you again, turning around, getting your right arm out from under the sheets and her wing, taking her by her midriff and bringing her close to your chest.
>She sighs in delight, huddling closer as she lays her head right below your chin, her horn resting on your neck, and you begin to stroke her mane.
>>27766828
>Her scent fills you, her breath tickles your bare chest with each exhale, and her voice is a tender whisper, like the rustle of rose petals in a bouquet.
>”I don’t need to say it, right? How I feel? ”
>You push your left arm below her, fully embracing her as your fingers dig into her mane and you continue your loving caress.
>She brushes your skin with her muzzle.
“No.”
>It is all that needs to be said.
>Soft moans escape her every now and then, as you lovingly play with her hair, safe from doubt and the worries of tomorrow, she falls under a dreamless, peaceful slumber.
>You follow her soon after and, although none of you can see it, the other holds a placid smile for the rest of the night.
>>27766836
Update done!
>>27763909
I didn't want to blog about shit, but since you pointed out the clearest consequence of what is currently going on in my life and through my head, I guess it is necessary for me to say something and give whatever kind of explanation I can.
The significant drop on the frequency of my updates is something that I am much too aware of and plagues me because it is -the way I see it- a betrayal to you guys by depriving you of content after you are so diligent and kind in bumping this thread, and especially to myself since this story is not only for your entertainment but just another step towards reaching a goal. I am not going to argue on the practical value of writing pony fanfiction since for me it is symbolic more than anything else, after all, how can I even consider one day writing any of the books I have in mind if I can’t even finish this green?
Back in March and before the beginning of my college semester, I was writing easily around 3000 words a day if I am to sum up this green and other side projects, posting much more often than this disgusting fucking schedule I have right now and already consider taking a different career path.
For some time now, college has grown more and more into a nuisance, midterms and now finals putting a significant clutch on my otherwise active writing and reading, and I have stopped writing chapter drafts altogether, not to mention other short stories. I started to lose not interest –and certainly not passion- but the energy that I would usually have for doing the things that I’ve come to love. I am at the point where I’ve come to loathe working towards my business degree and every hour I am away from college is spent either immersing myself in a book or video game, feeling drained of any will to write.
Needless to say, this faggot is working towards fixing his issues.
>>27766866
Do not worry about us, you take your time. It is completely understandable. Knowing this, you actually surprise me even further. Being able to write with this amount of quality with having to deal with college is impressive. I'm surprised you don't take longer. Thank you for having us so high in your priorities.
>>27766836
>>27766866
Thank you.
If it comes to it, you can always put this on hold. Some things are more important.
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