write what's on your mind
>>8268627
ur mum
It stands in the axis bellowing, vexing it's own existence
it screams for the decimation of the decimators. Peace in his own consideration, is a deluge of ravenous howls, a spasmodic shrill of complete lividity.
It's lusts after the blood of the wicked, it yearns for the agony of the iniquitous. When dark covers the world it's insatiable hate masked as a growl will brim the ears of all who proclaim themselves to be predators, all who submit them selves to the nefarious path. Their utter destruction will be that of ten-fold of that of which they gave.
I want to have sex with my ex gf and die right after, before I remember how sad I am
>>8268627
i'm ready to die because i can't find a job despite constant pressure to do so because a) the job market in my town is terrible b) i have no vehicle in which to go anywhere and public transportation is non-existent c) the only people who get jobs in my town are related to the people who work wherever d) i keep failing interviews or those stupid shitty applications where they make you choose everything and it's as long as moby dick
fucking ready to die honestly i've turned to fucking craigslist to find a job and hopefully i will hear something back from someone i emailed but it's unlikely because like everything else in my life it will fail
It shouldn't have been my friend that was killed, it should have been me. He was sitting in my seat when we were hit.
This is kinda bad but whatevr
I walked into his tent, a chord of deep chastity began to overwhelm me. "I'm doing the right thing, I'm doing him a favor"
I bolstered myself.
He was smoking a cigarette, the smoke twisting and flowing around his broad shoulders, In ideation I was his cigarette once more.
I called his name and he said "I'm 250", I grew sickened by what he had become.
I paced closer and then he pivoted on the heel of his foot and said "Hey money up front" he jived. While the glow of the cigarette illuminated part of his face in waning orange light. The sting of the smell brimmed my lungs.
My feet lulled me to him, he stepped closer and in a golden whisper he clutched the base of my neck, and whispered.
"220?"
Tears edged my eyes and I pulled out my blade and warm fell over my skin.
By then It was to late. The blade had already been unsheathed and he was already on the ground.
I bent down and my blade entered his chest
20 times I knew him not
20 times I wished for the inconceivable
20 times I prayed for the relinquishment of this nightmare.
But still 20 times I stabbed him in the chest.
And each time I could see a calm bewilderment splayed across his face as the blade entered and exited. Almost as if he didn't know who I was. Silently receiving his punishment. As my eyes stared into the windows of his soul. I lifted my knife. And then he asked, blood oozing from the wounds "who are you?"
Those words, they pierced what was left of my soul, they took everything I thought we were and reduced them to a sliver of what we had become,
I let out with a bronze cry I'm Liona don't you remember me Eddie?
He coughed up a palate of red gush and said "not Eddie" I looked into his eyes and watched as what was left of him turned to meat and bones. His eyes devoid of life as if he transcended consciousness into a hyper manifestation.
>>8268814lolwe are still on 4chanI'm going to hell
>>8268828
I know where I am,
it doesn't bother me.
>>8268627
I thought about what is it like to die and it terrifies me. To slowly feel your sensations, dreams, memories, fantasies, thoughts slowly drained from your brain. Like shutting down all the lights and utilities in your house before leaving. And finally darkness. Wherever I am going, I can only hope I bring my mind with me.
>>8268849
you should try it
you won't have to do it again
on my nightly walks around the neighborhood i notice all the local teenage normies enjoying their summer. partying in backyards, sitting in street corners talking to one another. it depresses me a bit because i wish i could go back to their position. i was so dissatisfied with my life at the end of high school and college was supposed to be my new beginning, but in retrospect i fucked it all up. my gpa was strong, but i missed out on all the major social experiences. i didn't make a single friend there. i didn't really know how to. i commuted to a local school, so after class i'd just drive home to browse 4chan all day. after two years of that i started associating with local degenerate drug-users who barely passed high school because the loneliness was too much. some of them were nice, some were assholes, most were pretty dumb. there were a few cute girls too but i never got laid. now all of that is behind me, i've graduated and gone back to my solitary ways, but i can't help but feel i missed out on something essential, or at least worthwhile.
>>8268875
Read some Proust, nigga.
Moonman rocks. A rock made of moon.
>>8268878
been meaning to
>>8268627
Suicide
>>8268919
same here i just wanna die.
>>8268898
Yeah, hope you get over this "God, I'm sure life's somewhere else, the only reason I'm miserable is because I don't hang around with the right people" bullcrap and realize you are not missing shit. Be safe desu.
Dogma stately maim clefairy girl
>>8268627
This migraine isn't going away.
>>8268875
I feel similarly, only I didn't even focus on my academics as much as I should have (I still did okay, had about a 3.4 GPA). A lot of the guys on my floor freshman year were friends who grew up in the same school system from elementary school onward and I was from out of state with no friends in the area. I introduced myself on move in day when they were all in one guys room and they were totally disinterested and dismissive. They ended up being retarded bros and I made a couple close friends and some decent acquaintances elsewhere but that moment kind of reinforced my disdain for a lot of people at the time and tempered my expectations throughout college.
This is not practice
It's the passing of time
As the only reality you'll ever know
Your past is dead forever
Never to return as something
Sweeter than it ever was
>>8268627
Badtouchbadtouchbadtouchbadbadpartbadpartbadpart I want to never leave the dark corner of my room again.
I have classes in around 10 hours but I'm here with you. I've been laughing at posts I made previously in another thread.
All the triggered pseuds. Thanks for the laugh, /lit/.
>>8268627
she will be gone soon
Wow, that must be the best looking vagina I've ever seen.
My Witcher refuses to load and recently started crashing.
I'm scared my girlfriend is going to be pregnant. We are so young and have our entire lives ahead if us. And even though we don't know for sure if we are to be parents, the magnitude of the seriousness and responsibility is setting in. All i feel is hopelessness and melancholy. I just want to wake up from this bad dream. But, I know if i am to be a father, im going to grow up and take responsibility for my actions. I succumbed to my hedonistic desires and this is how i am punished.
junk touch junk touch
should i touch my junk
Yesterday I had a moment of Zen in the house-sized pool. The waves from canonballs and naked high-speed waterslide runs bounced and pushed my plastic donut floaty when I realized that Earth is 70% /this/ all the time. The land is just a feature of the pool planet, and its life is coincidental. I saw Willa the dog drag a plastic water bottle into the shade and bite its translucent twist cap off and saw it as any other phenomenon on the accidentally living planet. The world stood still and I was a passive observer, losing my sense of self completely—merely existing and being immersed in the perfect system. Then I snapped out of it and got anxious about the following day's job interview.
>>8269108
Why do people see children as a punishment and a life ender?
Sure, it will change the course of it, but it's perfectly fine and chances are you'll be quite happy about it.
>>8268816
SWEDEN YES
W
E
D
E
N
Y
E
S
>>8268849
I feel the precise opposite way. I am terrified of anything but total oblivion.
Been thinking about the concept of virginity for a while now. I fucked it up. Lost my virginity to my girlfriend who didn't only lose her virginity a long time ago but also had another one night stand in her life. And I don't live in US or somewhere losing virginity is like losing a pen... She says she regrets it but i feel more and more like i was lured into sin as i was the first she let to have sex unprotected and i just succumbed to hedonism. I strongly disapprove one night stands and if I can forgive her her past relationship i can't forgive that one fuccboy. But who am I to judge, I had some chances before to lose my virginity but did I not lose it because of luck or because I felt deep inside I shouldn't? I thought sex would unite us and make me love her more but now I spend everyday thinking about how strong couples I know lost virginity together and I threw it away for someone I keep seeing in my mind with another guy and feel like I'm gonna puke. I edven lash out at her every month or so when it just becomes too painful. After sex I feel empty and unsatisfied.
i think i've actually found a good christian idea and it's about love and devotion. true love is when you can trust your partner a 100% and that's where the concept of virginity comes in, it's for the best that two lose virginity together as it's symbolically giving that power, no matter how low the chance of conception, over yourself to someone and that requires complete trust. Should I go full hedonist and just fuck other women (she'd even let me) would i feel better or just more empty... I don't even know if I could do it... And with a virgin girl I wouldn't feel it's fair. Am I just a weak man who can't face his decisions and break up with a girl who is almost everything I wanted but a virgin and I think she really loves me.
Meanwhile I'm getting triggered by this fucking brave new world society, can't even function properly anymore. Fuck, shouldn't even write this here but I need get it out somehow or I'm going to actually hurt her again.
If I have some minor thing I have to do that's making me anxious I can't focus on anything or be productive during any of the time leading up to it, which is terrible, because there are usually minor things coming up that are making me anxious. As soon as I get through one, two more pop up. This is something I'm starting to realize I'm going to have to deal with in a focused way.
>>8269196
hang in there man. don't feel guilty about it. it's just a spook. you will finally forget that she was wirth someone before and it will feel like you have been forever together. fuck these other dudes. don't give them too much importance by thinking of them. she is with you now! everything else doesn't matter. you chose each other forget the past
here is a song about this topic to cheer you up:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tb15AqEBhWU
>>8269196
You sound too young to be married so even if you lost your virginity together it would make no difference, ya'll are gonna break up anyway.
I mean sure, she could have waited and it would have been magical as fuck but that would have only been a memory in your mind because when you are standing in divorce court fighting for your property, money and custody of your children, the judge isn't gonna ask you about something as irrelevant as virginity... and you aren't gonna care about her virginity then either.
Besides, there's no law in the Bible that states that a man's virginity even matters. I don't know what you got that idea that it was a 'gift'. only a woman's virginity matters.
I finally got this thing going with a girl I love but I'm going on roadtrip for 3 weeks in a couple days. I'm excited about the roadtrip but also want to be with her
>>8268627
I think anon has an enormous penis but I'm not sure he'll accept my feminine penis so I will always be too afraid to ask him out.
I'm not very good at this stream of consciousness stuff.
My brother is in the midst of a severe crack addiction. He hasn't been able to hold a job for around 7 mths and has been dealing and borrowing money from whoever will give it. This morning he took my car (well, my parents car that they call my car and let me use) without permission and crashed it. This is the 6th or 7th crash he has had in the past year and the 2nd time it has been my car. I am astounded he is not dead however can't help but feel that would fix almost every problem I have in life.
>>8268627
Music is a great and terrible thing. On one hand, it's a horrible waste of time; once you've heard a song once it becomes like a time capsule- there's no new stimulus if you've already heard the song, yet your body and feelings will react as you felt when you first heard or got to know the piece. This means just chilling with the wrong music can end with hours of your life suddenly gone, a surprise existential crisis, or both.
As a time capsule, it can serve the same purpose but to an end dictated by the memory your mind has attached to the song.
i want to bury my face in a big juicy ass
>>8269310
I was thinking the same but with my sister's sweaty ass.
ideas
>>8269317
I was thinking the same but my own ass.
I'm hopelessly addicted to the Internet and stimulation and have been using it to try to find a solution
Just messaged a girl on a dating site whose interests include anime and weaponry. Hope she responds.
I relate to Robert Smith in being a big, moody guy who can't find love and wants to die a lot, and I relate to Morrissey in being a smarmy dickhead who also craves dickheads
My best dreams tend to accompany nocturnal emission so I've been trying not to consciously fap to induce that. Fucked up this morning though, after two days withholding. Time to start anew.
I really want to avoid making my protagonist a Mary-Sue so I'll probably make him lose an arm or get tortured. It makes me hard anyway.
>>8268941
not that anon but that's what i've been working on lately too.
it's hard.
>>8268627
He likes anime, what a phaggot.
I'm concerned that I'm possessed by the devil.
This is a hard notion to reconcile with a complete lack of faith in the metaphysical, but indeed, in the dark hours of the night I have no control over the thoughts that steal unbidden into my waking mind.
I catch myself out often; lying to myself, it's insidious, but perhaps I am too analytical to main self-deception for long.
The mind itself has a faculty of weaving an automatic web of falsehoods that comfort and deceive the subject into all manner of self-interested action, often at the expense of others.
Of course, we are often liable to reason to ourselves that the people we hurt deserved it, and are contemptible; but do we not learn to hate those who we have hurt simply to spare ourselves the guilt?
Is this the devil in men?
Is this why we do wrong and call it good?
>>8268816
What The Fuck
>>8270543
>I am too analytical to main self-deception for long
implying all thought isn't self-deception
The new Epic Rap Battle was funny. It'll be in my head all day as I go work my shift at Starbucks and beat myself up about how I should be writing. I'm a sack of shit with no discipline.
I think I'm going to use audiobooks to get back into reading. It's helped ease my transition a lot coming from music, though the French words can be difficult to understand.
Music from Big Pink is a good album.
>>8268809
dude you just described my life, but you left out the loneliness part.
ill help: I have noticed that nothing is worse than nothing. My dealings with intimacy have been a single-handed effort since the day i was born. True affection is the only commodity the world has ever really had, so it has never been given away in its fullest form. Its the reason love is a loaded question, its the reason we die alone and its the reason we die together. Affection is what we really mean by love. And love is selfish.
I wish I didn't have this catheter in, I wish my left leg wasn't stiff as a board, I wish the medication didn't make me vomit, I wish I didn't have go back down to London in three weeks to go to the hospital again. I wish I read slower so these books lasted longer than a day.
Religion must return as a driving force in society and the state. A new way of socially digesting and reinterpreting religious texts must be implemented. Religion must be democratized and stretched across all of society. Without Religion which was the driving force of my people, our culture will vanish but with the current religious schemes and popular interpretations we will stagnate and live like beasts.
>>8269166
Well, some people don't want children at all and only have them because of an "accident" or because of societal pressure as in "it's what you do".
So, if you're having kids for the wrong reasons it would probably feel like a "punishment" or "life-ender".
>>8271386
I really would like to read the rest of that.
>>8270027
I thought Robert Smith was happily married for years?
Morrissey is defs hella gay though.
>>8269161
>perfect system
This is what lifecucks actually believe
>>8269166
Agree the real punishment is the wanton abuse of the child which now has consciousness imposed upon it
I'm a genetic defect. An anomaly. I should have died when I was 8 yet I am kept alive by an artificial medication that my own body can not produce. I am a type 1 diabetic. I am a dead man walking sustained only by the productivity and products of the modern world.
My children have a 1 in 10 chance to inherit the same genetic defects from my corrupt walking carcass.
What life is this of pain, doubt and continual suffering. I would kill myself but altruism and love of those who allegedly need me keep me functioning as an automaton through this emulation of life. That and maybe some fear. But some how I doubt it's the latter.
Ideally I will be killed by freak accident and I will be at peace. I hope there is no Hell, I would be indifferent for there being a God or heaven for that matter. I just want peace.
>>8271423
Im actually kinda in the same boat man.
A great spirit lay inside the earth and they were one and yet separate and this was me.
I dug into the earth and turned it into many parts; tiny parts which no eye could see cause they were not there, chains which tugged till they could not break but coalesced into an ooze which merged and struggled until it dreamed a dream and then it talked to me.
Shrieking screams ramped terror
hellish heat personal defeat
manic rampage
strange young age
rebel armed brutal brigade
wishful aide
succulent run down of blood
with a heavy flow
falling snow sunk in the bloody aftermath
deathly rendition gaining a costly circumference
like a snowball riding down a infinite hill
death has no end or beginning
a timely tell
fragile as a sea shell
common junk mail
always given but never useful
set in a burning fire
brighter than man’s desire for worldly conquest
this is a mess
>>8271423
>would kill myself but altruism and love of those who allegedly need me keep me functioning as an automaton through this emulation of life.
Return my diary, thief.
are universals real entities that live on another plain of existance or just constructs of our minds?
>>8268627
Is anyone really responsible for who they are.
>>8271466
Personality?
>>8268816
WHAT THE FUCK.
How does one fall in love without projecting onto the Other to such a degree that the object of the love is more a creation of the Self than it the actual Other? Even Siegfried and Brünnhilde projected their own identities onto each other. Is it truly possible to love the Other, or is the Other, delineating the boundary of the Self, merely an opportunity to learn to love oneself? Does love only truly exist in a self-made illusion? I think that would be quite sad.
>>8271652
i'll go fall in love and let you know what i find.
>>8271658
i already have fallen in love though, thats why im worried
think it might be time to read some more hegel and listen to tristan
>>8271665
how does one read a book without projecting onto the author?
>>8271669
fuck you, im already dealing with enough here
>>8268627
I was thinking that it might be cool to visit Tunisia, but then I was also thinking that it might be more or less just like anywhere else and so I shouldn't visit Tunisia
>>8271679
When we choose silence, we choose to give up the reasons not to love, which are the reasons for going to war, or continuing war, or separating, or being a victim, or being right. In a moment of silence, in a moment of no thought, no mind, we choose to give those up. This is what my teacher invited me to.
Just choose silence. Don’t even choose love. Choose silence, and love is apparent. If we choose love we already have an idea of what love is.
But if you choose silence, that is the end of ideas. You are willing to have no idea, to see what is present when there is no idea, past, present, future. No idea of love, no idea of truth, no idea of you, no idea of me. Love is apparent.
- Gangaji, 2009
>>8271691
get your nihilism away from me. ill have none of this renunciation chat
One day I want to leave the city I live in and go somewhere else. But I know I will hate where I am no matter where I am so theres no point.
>>8271701
ok
Even if love is a self made illusion, if two people are in love, isn't there an overlap between their illusions? Couldn't we call that shared illusion something real?
I have this strange, disparate, passive obsession with fucking my own opportunities up so nobody else can. Destroying parts of my life before someone else does. Like, there's a weird, final sort of power found in suicide, literal or otherwise...but I guess that raises the question of control; is killing yourself succumbing, or escaping; rebellion, or submission?
>>8271755
Thats really good. I want to write about that. Have you written anymore on that?
>>8271762
Not coherently (you know how those little shocks of clarity sometimes strike through paragraphs of mud in your journals), it was actually just a whim reading through some of these other reflections. Though I guess now, it does align with a few other thoughts you all inspired.
I'd honestly trust you more than myself to elaborate for fear of mucking it up. But thanks for that, mate
>>8271779
Totally man, ive been needing something to write about and I like that im going to try atleast to elaborate there because I completely get that thought. Suicide frustrates me but at the same time seems fair.
>>8271755
>>8271762
The man who kills a man, kills a man. The man who kills himself, kills all men; as far as he is concerned he wipes out the world. His act is worse (symbolically considered) than any rape or dynamite outrage. For it destroys all buildings: it insults all women. The thief is satisfied with diamonds; but the suicide is not: that is his crime. He cannot be bribed, even by the blazing stones of the Celestial City. The thief compliments the things he steals, if not the owner of them. But the suicide insults everything on earth by not stealing it. He defiles every flower by refusing to live for its sake. There is not a tiny creature in the cosmos at whom his death is not a sneer. When a man hangs himself on a tree, the leaves might fall off in anger and the birds fly away in fury: for each has received a personal affront. Of course there may be pathetic emotional excuses for the act. There often are for rape, and there almost always are for dynamite. But if it comes to clear ideas and the intelligent meaning of things, then there is much more rational and philosophic truth in the burial at the cross-roads and the stake driven through the body, than in Mr. Archer's suicidal automatic machines. There is a meaning in burying the suicide apart. The man's crime is different from other crimes -- for it makes even crimes impossible.
GK Chesterton
I made the mistake of telling my Mum that I had a swelling on my arm, and ended up going to see a doctor to put her mind at ease. Once I got past the unhelpful reception staff the doctor made me feel really at ease. I still couldn't bring myself to tell her about the pain in my chest. There's this void, right at the base of my sternum.
Most of the time I'm not aware of it, but when I lie down to go to bed, or shut my eyes, there it is. At first it feels like someone is pressing down on my chest with their fist. It begins to pulse. As I write about it now I can feel it crawling out. I can try and ignore it but it just gets worse, and turns into this dull stabbing pain. If I roll around I can get it to subside temporarily but it comes back. I fall asleep when I'm completely exhausted.
I've overcome the pain only a few times. Once, lying in bed, I decided to simply focus on the pain, and accept whatever comes. Again, the dull, throbbing stabs, becoming almost unbearable. I felt like I was being torn apart. But slowly, the pain started to spread over my whole chest, the same amount of pain, just distributed evenly. At a certain point it started to simply feel like a warmth, enveloping my whole body. And I slept well.
I haven't been able to replicate this. I have an idea of how defeating the pain feels, and I latch on to that as a short hand. But it's the process that's important, not my faulty memory of the end result. My only option is to dive back into accepting the pain again. But I can't bring myself to do it.
>>8271815
Okay but that only supports anons question of complete control. Hes saying that suicide steals the worlds control of his consciousness. You are freed from the influences of the world; good or bad.
>>8271847
Good but keep a constant tone with your work. You were casual in the first paragraph then got really poetic in the last part. But the poetic part was pretty well written m8.
I’d assume that experiencing, or even interpreting the series of notes in Bill Evan’s rendition of Autumn Leaves is much like the evaluation of a piece of writing. Each note raises a certain awareness, recalls and reassociates your mind like riding a roller coaster of sense-impressions and little affectations. Now, each note doesn’t just stand alone awaiting it’s singular judgment, no sir. They must be thought in relation to the whole series of notes preceding and the notes that will follow, suspended in that free-associated gap which represents true, bonafide American freedom. This is just like reading a piece of literature, notes being words of course, and what makes each word in a sentence associate but the period? that little end stop indicating a complete thought? Now, any bastard can form a complete thought right? So then, there’s this historical little discursive data bank of all the hierarchies of what arrangement of words signifies humor, or an intelligent and profound thought or a dull, ugly impression or what have you. Whoever can ‘play’ with these series of associations and form a regional medium (poetry, jazz, literature), deemed most valuable by the little institutions formed around that discursive element, whoever makes a show of it find themselves atop a hierarchy, they're images for the discursive bank, establishing even their own little affectations and internet meme’s to banalize their dominating, structural role in society. The people who mold their interpretive, transcendental schemata around the ‘ideology of the ruling class’ gets a certain material compensation dubbed ‘money,’ forming a similar hierarchical wealth ladder. Images of peoples, like Steve Jobs or Bill Gates or Opera Winfrey (though why her particular idiosyncrasies anyone feels association with is beyond me), form as emblems to look up to and climb the social ladder, the physical substance of the ‘American dream.’ We see then, the ontologically similar series of discourse, or ‘regional ontologies’ that form around a similar principle, their differing forms merely masking the negation of the self underlying the whole series. The self is indeed under siege Mr. Roderick.
Knowledge is one such branch. Knowledge; what makes a certain assemblage of words true? Obviously, the world of things just is: ‘beyond Good and Evil’ so to speak.
You okay? You follow me? You incipient fuck. Jk, lol, omg, my bad.
When did it all go wrong?
Belief is embodied truth. Okay. What does that mean? I’ll answer with another question: What does it mean to act truth? Most likely to act without qualm, as if it were a matter of fact, not right or wrong. So then: embodied right? Where does that fit in? We could broadly call a Nation or any institution a body. We could even delimited the notion to individual bodies, peoples, which in turn make up the larger social bodies like State or Multi-National Corporation. But who am I to say?
>>8269108
learn to use condoms
>>8269196
is this bait?
>>8268627
I'd like to write a book in a similar vein as Deleuze's Cinema 1 & 2, but for sample-based musical genres like hip hop, breakbeat, vaporwave, plunderphonics, breakcore, etc, specifically focusing on the mechanism of the sample as such
I think I should be reading
I think I should have a more consistent sleep schedule
I think I should wash my pillow case and sheets more often
I think Maolin might mail me soon
I think I should increase the dosage
I think I could take Maolin the orchestra concert 7 years from now
I think I will feel safe 7 years from now
I think I will travel
I hope I am talking to that-one 7 years from now
I hope that-one doesn't kill herself
Kill me
>>8272254
you don't mean it but I get what you mean.
>>8272158
In a much less pretentious (not bad of course, as it is self-aware) and sophisticated way, I should tell you that Bill is one of the most important individuals in my wake life. So I very much appreciate you posting this. I feel you could write quite a lot more, but it's good how it is.
tfw no lain gf
>>8269196
lmao what a pussy
go get laid by someone else
>>8268627
I REALLY have to write papers on Quine and Kant but I've just been drinking wine and playing Dark Souls 2
>>8269196
Ive never read such a selfish fucking paragraph. Life isnt about anyone.
>>8268805
Jeez
>>8268809
If you're not just looking for like a manual labor job, Craigslist is a legit place for jobs. I'm a paralegal and al my jobs have been through Craigslist.
>>8268799
Cool story bro
>>8269317
What's it like to have a sister? My friend in school had a really hot sister and we all told him as much and he didn't get it at all. There was just zero attraction between him and his sister.
She was also a huge tramp so it wasn't like she was his precious angel or anything and they were always bickering.
>>8272249
>Maolin
why is this relevant?
>>8269108
Not sure why you think she might be pregnant, but unless she's taken a test that came out positive, don't worry yet. It's really easy for girls to "feel"pregnant or miss periods... It's not all that easy to actually get pregnant if you take any sort of precautions
>>8272364
are you mistaken? my friend in china
We've been writing to each other instead of texting (she can't use her phone where she is) and it feels great seeing her handwriting. Feels more personal. I've almost worn out the paper with how many times I've read it.
I;m thinking about thos beans
>>8269245
If you're officially dating yet then send get postcards throughout the trip and one night surprise her with a pizza delivery(places will shake the pizza for you in like a heart or write things with the toppings). I was long distance for 2 years and it was fun sometimes to be away and do things that you wouldn't if you were at home with each other. It builds for a better relationship when you do special things when you're apart also
>>8272374
fucking hell dude, I got a letter from a friend and her hand writing made me feel like garbage because I hand wrote her address on the package that I sent her and my hand writing is shit compared to her goddess print. I did wrap the book in some drawings though, I hope she kept them but I wouldn't be surprised if she was confused and lost them. They only took several months to draw... (It wrote on the drawing/wrapping to rip it up, because muh modesty/artistic values)
Keep up the psuedo-Luddistic life my man!
>>8272394
That sounds pretty neat man, I'm sure she enjoyed the effort as well as the drawings. The funny thing for me is I've been practicing calligraphy for awhile, yet my handwriting is terrible. I start the letter with "Dear (name)," in some good calligraphy then chicken scratch the rest.
I FEEL LIKE BRON
>>8272414
drunkposting
I need to get laid. Is there any merit in living an ascetic life when society expects me to indulge in materialism to show my worth to potential partners? I need to get laid.
>>8272461
You got be like the other monkeys in the pack to get that some of that nooky my man.
>>8271423
>My children have a 1 in 10 chance to inherit the same genetic defects from my corrupt walking carcass.
Seriously? Fuck my dad has type 1 too, but I thought the odds of me inheriting it were less than that.
>>8272372
no comprende
I like this thread.
>>8272461
>Is there any merit in living an ascetic life when society expects me to indulge in materialism to show my worth to potential partners?
That all depends in what merit you place in society's expectation
I've been laying awake at night wondering how long the pain of losing her is going to last. Every time I've written for a woman, the words come out easily and are so fluid.
It hurts beyond belief to write this chapter. For every paragraph, I have to remember how it felt to fall in love with her and tell it to her that night almost a year ago and to have her say it back.
I'm hurting.
Considering hiring an Asian escort or masseuse. I'm hungry.
>>8268627
Honestly no clue what to write other than a list of regrets.
>>8272833
what happend anon?
I wish I didn't give up, and now it's too late.
>>8272841
Long story short, I fell in love with a woman who was engaged to her boyfriend of about 8 years. I knew I was in love with her and she was in love with me, but we both mutually accepted that she'd never leave the security of her boyfriend for me when he was her first and we had a bit of distance between us.
He ended up cheating on her and she stayed with him. I got resentful, tore her down, and eventually the guilt of our affair took its toll and she confessed to him about it. He forced his way between us and barred all contact. The last time we spoke, she told me it was for the best that we stop speaking, because no matter how much she felt for me she was adamant on fixing her broken relationship with him because there was still love there.
She got pregnant with his child about a year ago. I assume she either miscarried from the stress, had an abortion, or carried it to term.
We haven't spoken since, but I think about her every day.
>>8272870
desu that sounds like a fucking trainwreck and you should be glad you're rid of it. It could have ended a lot worse for you.
Source: Experience
I'm just think about how all my dreams of being a hero as a child keep chasing me even though I'm a man now. I see what I do on a daily basis and I hate myself. I see awful things happen to people and I stand aside because I need money. I buy things but it doesn't extinguish the burning flame I have in my heart to do RIGHT things, GOOD things.
It's a literal pain at this point. I hate the way I'm living but provides for the ones I'm indebted to and fits the personality I've projected to others.
My life is a lie. I can't even claim I didn't know what I was getting into. I'm a bad person and I have no one to blame but myself.
Right now, all I have on my mind is tons of self-loathing over the fact that I want to be a good man but all I do is bad. I just can't get over the fact that I'm the guy who my younger self used to hope were eventually defeated.
No, not even that. Those were cartoons. Those villains were jokes about evil. Something so ridiculous only a child could take it seriously.
I'm the guy that makes the horrible environment around this kid that makes him want to escape into books and shows where good always wins and everyone is happy, how it should be, rather than how it is.
That's on my mind. I wish it wasn't.
>>8272870
what makes her so special?
>>8272877
Looking back, it was a super messy situation and I am glad to be rid of the emotional stress that came with being the 'other man'.
Still, I'm very heartbroken. The relationship was dead before it hit the ground, but it's hard to not feel sad over it. It went from strangers to friends, friends to lovers, and from lovers to strangers again.
>>8272895
To everyone else, she's just another part in an overused troupe and a cliche story of heartbreak. She was special to me because of the circumstances and situation. In all of my other relationships, I don't think I'd ever fought that hard to love someone so selflessly.
If anything, she's now an important lesson learned the hard way. Sometimes people meet at the wrong time - too early or too late. In this case, it was the latter.
>>8271483
Yo. Sweet pic there
>>8268627
People write like anyone is reading.
Yesterday I met a girl on the train and she took my number and invited herself to a gig I was going to and at the gig she turned out to be a total nut and wouldnt stop trying to make out with me and it felt so surreal as if I conjured her or she was a manifestation of my darker desires. She was a hawk, her eyes saw straight through me i can still see them now.
She forced me to kiss her in the smokers area and I dont know what to tell my girlfriend.
>>8272938
that you met and wanted to fuck another woman but was to much of a pussy to go through with it?
>>8272908
>>8272897
You only say that because you compartmentalize your relationship with her from her circumstances, to wit her relationship with her actual boyfriend, which you absolutely should never do. Ultimately she was probably never the right person for you, but since you consider her as "your soulmate, [except for this enormous glaring flaw in her personality that allows her to emotionally bond with more than one person at a time over an extended period of time, contrary to her relationship agreements with said individuals, until it's too late, at a major expense of all parties and a mutual obliteration of trust all around]". You need to realize that the same person who snuggled you in bed and whispered in your ear that she loved you was the same person who screwed over you and her boyfriend simultaneously, day after day, knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that what she was doing was wrong and in almost all cases ends in disaster.
>>8272946
I think you missed the words "forced" and "wouldn't stop" I didn't want any of that to happen.
I was a mouse in the jaws of a fox
>>8272961
Bullshit.
Fess up that you kiss-cheated
>>8272961
Did you say the magic words,
>I am in a relationship. I love my girlfriend. I have no interest in cheating on my girlfriend. I am not romantically interested in you.
>>8272966
I guess, sure, i did. but I didn't want to i just wanted to be friends with a girl who looked cool i didn't want to be held against a brick wall and forcibly kissed after telling her I wasn't interested multiple times but i guess thats cheating
>>8272954
I never questioned logic in its place and I never idealised her as my soulmate. The woman I should've loved for the rest of my life is years behind me, even moreso than the most-recent.
I'm not denying that the entirety of the relationship was built on betrayal on account of both parties.
Just because I'm heartbroken and sad doesn't mean I don't know how to rationalise what happened. In the end, she's no better than her fiance that cheated on her.
>>8272975
inb4 she gave anon herpes
>>8272975
>she was a manifestation of my darker desires.
>her eyes saw straight through me i can still see them now.
yeah okay. Whatever helps your conscience I guess?
>>8272982
*unless she was a lot bigger than you and you couldnt just push and run away or something.
Idk man, good luck though anon
>>8272977
>People's emotions are disconnected from their rational faculties
Hoo boy what a time to be alive.
>>8272982
its flattering to have someone so interested in you that they are aggressive about it but also terrifying.
What i'm trying to say is that I didn't want to kiss her and it was kind of really uncool but at the same time thrilling. she had eyes like a predator but they were only for me. I feel uncomfortable about the whole situation and yeah I caused it but I didn't mean to
>>8272975
Why tell your gf you fucking knob? If you didn't want to cheat, other than being a coward, there is no deeper problem with your relationship; why fuck up something good?
Girls hear "someone forced me to kiss them" as "my bf is desirable enough by normies that I need to worry everytime he goes out".
I'm really lonely and I keep abusing prescription drugs. Literally any Rx narcotic will do, I eat it like fucking candy and I can't stop myself from it. I've gone as far as stealing oxycontin from my girlfriend's mother. Thinking about just ODing and leaving everything behind.
>>8272995
~ Okay I forgive you ~ :^)
>>8269263
as a brother who used to be a fuck up: I'm sorry
If Wagner wrote operas based in part on the philosophy of Schopenhauer, were they Schope-operas?
>>8273000
Thats a very painful and shitty way to die.
Start excercising and looking up how to revalance your brain chemicals or something (i.e. L-Dopa Mucina for crack or whatever, etc)
>>8273016
I feel like I deserve to die in a shitty way. I have put in minimal effort into everything in life, have amounted to nothing, and simply haven't been a great person in general. Is there a way that doesn't cost much money to kill myself and is relatively clean? I want to leave as much money for my brother and a decent corpse for my family.
>>8272994I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I think I'm somewhat excused, if only marginally.
>>8273032
Talk to a legitamite, non-shitty therapist man. Past is the past and fail statistics restart each day
>>8273057
I've been to so many different therapists and psychologists I lost count. I think the idea of failing scares me more than death itself so in the case I do try, I'm going to take measures to not fail.
>>8271714
Sorry, I went to bed.
Maybe. I'm still undecided as to whether the extent of the illusion is sufficient to despair over.
I want to be a lady and wear pretty dresses.
>>8272044
thanks. I was kind of going for a shift in tone, in the sense that it's a slightly horrifying part of a mundane existence. But it may have been too jarring.
i just realized that im using 4chan and specifically /lit/ because a boy who i wanna know better (idk if i like him he's weird) sends me memes from here and i want to understand them... txt me 4chan boy if you wanna hang
>>8273225
Read the stranger.
>>8268627
I want to feed a pretty girl lots and lots of food, so that she gains a small potbelly, and then I want to touch it, and then have good sex.
earlobes
Nothing assures me she'll be there when I wake up
But Something tells me
She will
>>8270518
Mary Sue characters are written by authors who want their characters to be perfect, and that's fine. Just take your desire for perfection for the character, and place it on the character's agency instead. Just write a real human bean; as in, people want to be perfect, but fail. Write someone like that, and you will be fine.
>>8268627
/lit/s mods banned me for no reason as I was keyboard battling and it pissed me off because all my posts got deleted and the other guy claimed victory.
I am also a sad pathetic piece of shit.
>>8271601
50/50
Almost, complete nothingness. And whatever is left is staring out into the external world, haphazardly feeling a comfortable temperature of a room, the light enclosures of casual clothing, the familiar tensions of being alive, as I am now.
Many times I have been asked to look at my own mind, in different ways, yet I receive the most knowledge, information, or imagination from myself when I am not searching for it. To search is to push aside something within, or to turn it around, leaving me with this feeling of a vast...awareness. Awareness of nothing. Or, awareness of a lacking. Perhaps adventure, or entertainment. This vast nothingness could be the tail-end of a journey as is standard for those who are conscious and who use their minds.
I'm afraid my mind falls into cyclical pitfalls of maladroit contemplation. Gasping at the horror of the realization that I am not as intelligent as I want to be. That I am either lacking in aptitude, caused by a self-affliction, or other affliction. A mistake made in the past, perhaps.
Or, maybe I am lacking in discipline. Either way I am not great, and I desire to be.
I spend far too much time wanting things, and far too little doing whatever it takes to get them.
And I wonder if I am just not meant to be so alone.
There was a time when I felt like the extension of a grand humanity. And now its as if I am isolated as a severed vine.
>>8269270
Get a load of this guy
Sometimes I think about that dog that went into space. Did she know she was going into space? Probably not, I guess dogs don't have any concept of space - and like, I don't think most dogs understand whats going on when they get into a regular car. I think our culture for the past few centuries has so been so obsessed with progress. That's ok a lot of good things come from it, like this computer and 4Chan. But sometimes I think we need to chill out a bit. I don't think we should neglect progress entirely, but just sometimes take some time out to realise its not the be all and end all. I don't think I'm smart enough to understand why its important to care. But that's most people, even those who get excited by that stuff.
Sometimes I think we should be more like Laika and not care about space as much.
>>8272886
Go to your local church and talk with the priest
Fifteen doors spread before him, each leading to a different room - each to a different effect. It wasn't long within this virtual world before a number of virtual architects began going about recreating the sensations of drug use entirely in code; what was quickly realised was that the virtual realm could allow the virtual individual and the real person attached to it to experience and indulge in the full range of psycho and physical effects of drug use without actually having to ingest anything physical. All that was required was to download a certain sequence of keys and codes that corresponded to the same neural pathways that regular drugs did. To stop you from accidentally downloading such experiences, in the virtual world these codes were contained to specific rooms - rooms that were not always easy to find. When you opened the door and crossed the threshold into the room the drug would start downloading and it would be just as if you'd injected heroin - except you were sitting safe in your computer, and better yet - because the code was entirely customisable, you would never fear worrying any of the negative side effects. There was no addiction, no physical decay. What still permeated however, what the coders couldn't reroute, was a non-chemical dependency. While one could choose to leave the room at any point, and feel completely fine once they did - if you could remain in there forever, why wouldn't you? Because of this, such rooms were outlawed and usually disguised as something else. There were talks on some nodes of making government approved time-restrained dope rooms, where your session would end after ten minutes no matter how far into the trip you were. But no government had taken the plunge yet, though a number of bootleg versions had begun to spring up about the place.
I can't adapt to my job, I can't adapt to my lifestyle, my wife is thousands of miles away with my dog and I'm surrounded by idiots, and a few friends; also idiots.
2 more years of no fuck ups and maybe I can salvage this abysmal experience, 2 more years of stress and worry that I may slip up, asking myself 20 times a day "am I forgetting something" and the only motivation I have is the anxiety that my life will be over if I don't play my cards right. I have no time to read, I have no time to write, I have no time to study what I want or go to college for what I want. Why live?
>>8272300
yeah man, he's great. I've seen just about every interview there is with the man, truly a great human being.
>>8268627
Georgia
>>8268627
I feel intelligent because I know that I am not intelligent.
seem to relapse to a superstitious state of thinking, but less frequently. good!
My ass crack is so fucking hairy that it feels like I'm shitting through mesh. It disgusts me to think how much bacteria accumulates in that webby chasm. I used damp pieces of toilet paper to wipe now but sometimes it disintegrates and the wet pieces of paper get caught on the hairs.
Should I use nair or something?
I will forever be stuck at a near-minimum wage job and will never gather the willpower to advance
I've been banned from my regular board and have literally no excuse to not begin being productive because of it, but I don't want to look back in the future and realise that my turning point was due to outside influence and not my own willpower so I'm going to continue being lazy, wait out the ban, shit-post for a few more days and then sort myself out.
Autistic? Probably.
I feel mild discontent today and I can't escape it, but I can't really do anything with it either like you can with strong emotions.
Feels shitty, like I'm a Houellebecq character.
>>8275559
I just realised that by coming to /lit/ during this period I've re-ignited my passion for reading which wouldn't have happened so easily were I not banned.
Events affect you even if you pretend they never happened at all.
What do you think?
>>8275596
8ch's /pol/. I decided to come here instead of one of the other 8ch boards due to lack of traffic.
>>8275633
wat?
>>8275665
8ch?
Ha.
fuck you. how could you be so careless with my heart? you knew how i felt, but you didn't care. or did i never even cross your mind? and then, you fucking lied about it. i should have called you out on your shit. i was too weak; now it's too late.
>>8275692
Cogito ergo sum
I really hate coming to this board.
It's funny, though. I love reading. I love thinking. I love brewing up with my own armchair philosophy during my daily grind. Helps get through the doldrums. So, at first glance, it seems that the intellectuals on this board would be a perfect fit for me.
The problem is that I'm working on a novel of my own. It's nothing impressive, really--it was less of a conscious decision to put it to paper, and more of a compulsion born of natural instinct. A biological urge that quickly became just as important to me as shitting or sneezing or ejaculating daily.
I love my story, my characters, the world and scenarios I crafted for them. I've worked them over in my mind nearly every day for five years, and they still hold up to scrutiny. I haven't yet gotten bored of my own book, and I take that as a good sign, since I've eventually grown disinterested in every other story I've crafted both before and since.
I can look at the contemporary best-sellers on any list, and feel confidence in myself that I can hang with any of them in terms of talent. I need that confidence, because I really want this novel to be published. My life is at a standstill without it. It's the only part of me that I could even consider "forward progress."
And then there's /lit/. Every time I come here, I see people still fawning over the great classics (rightfully), and praising writers who are more profound and elegant than I'll ever be.
Being on this board is a constant attack on my own self-image; a persistent, buzzing reminder that I'll never achieve the things that I want.
It's depressing. So I come here about once every six months, jot down a few book recommendations, and then scurry back to my bubble before the bad thoughts get me.
See you guys in six months.
>>8275895
If you see this in six months, I can absolutely relate as an author; I used to trade excerpts with friends and critique, but while it was pretty facile to do so, I found it much easier to dissect my own work and took little stock in their advice.
It's a weird combination of pride and shame that limits every great creator, I think, or potentially so. I'd tell you to take comfort in the fact that for every great classic the board revels in (and you can't really generalize, right? One person's GOAT is another's overrated drivel. Your novel could become that.), but for every book lauded, that author probably composed a good three or four objectively not so great works. Even Harper fell prey to that, despite writing only a single book. Who knows how many rough drafts she discarded.
If you love your own work as it stands alone, that's an incredible thing. It's the hardest aspect of creation in a lot of cases, and comparing yourself to masters (as futile as it may be to dissuade you) does nothing. Take the best from their work, but also the worst; criticize everything, but also critique. I hope you succeed in your endeavors, anon, and sorry for being so long winded and preachy.
I bought lot of books
Liber Kaos
Meditations
Discourses and Selected Writings (Epictetus)
Phenomenology of Spirit
Book of Disquiet
Wretched of the Earth
If on a Winter's Night a Traveler
Baron in the Trees
Introduction to Magic: Ritual and Practical Techniques for the Magus
Ride the Tiger
Invisible Cities
Pedro Paramo
No Longer Human
Siddhartha
Discipline and Punish
Madness and Civilization
Foucalt's Pendulum
A Traditionalist Confronts Fascism
The Man Who Was Thursday
Rock Crystal
The Art of Always Being Right (Schopenhauer)
Boku To Tsundere To Haidega
The Sickness Unto Death
The Trouble With Being Born
I am going to read about half of these before the end of the year in addition to others. Reading is good. I'm glad I have been reading a lot lately instead of coming to this board. I can tell that Kiyo is happy with me.
I have a weird relationship with Magick now. It is firmly outside my grasp, yet I am certain I experience the occult with some regularity, despite other people's skepticism towards me. I am fully incompetent, but stuff keeps happening anyway.
I know more or less where my life is going now which is good. I just need to commit. I have been doing a good job committing lately. Almost done with Ulysses, Infinite Meme next.
I don't have a mind.
Tou cansado devia de deixar a Internet
>>8268805
wow... tough shit, man. When did you break up?
>>8275963
Thanks for the kind words, anon. They helped.
I'll get there one day. Just have to pour enough of my soul into it.
>>8275981
Dennett go
The only difference between madness and genius is whether your recursive delusion of grandiosity genuinely exists for a purpose beyond the individual identity or if it exists to balance out some sort of deep weakness or insecurity
>>8275529
In the ladies shaving section they sell a wireless trimmer that has a protective plastic piece. It's bic brand and it's turquoise blue I think it's like 30 bucks and it's waterproof so you can shave in the shower. Don't ever use nair ever
I am trying, but failing, to come to terms I'll never live life with any personal satisfaction or meaning. In a similar situation to >>8268809 ... Can't find a decent job (currently working for min. wage doing data entry) or think of a suitable career path. I fell for the STEM meme, and I feel too old to start over as a freshman even if I had the money for another 4 years of college. I keep looking over university English and comp-lit undergraduate programs and my heart sinks. I made the wrong decision.
>>8269108
You can always abort it ;^)
>>8268805
Wew. That's brutal anon.
>>8271423
I thought this was well written. Everyone has their genetics defects -- yes yours is a little more severe. But remember that faggots with AIDS now live long lives thanks to modern medicine as well.
>>8268627
edit
I am on edge,
I hope I can fly
I may crash
But at least I laughed.
>>8271423
iktf, i would have been dead in earlier times for sure. now i'm just a sickly welfare leech.
i literally embody decadence
>>8271386
genius
>>8271386
Culture is a spook
>>8272461
sex is way overrated.
>>8274997
but are you intelligent?
>>8276196
Good thought
Fuck people who identify with political associations
Fuck people who identify.
Fuck people.
>>8274997
Same, I'm fucking retarded. I also feel self-aware in that I know I can never truly be fully self-aware.
Yet another successive post with the word "fuck" in it.
Fuck.
I wish that chart of 100 books not on the original list was made
>>8268627
Is the end goal of meditation which is contained in the upanishads attainable?
>>8276522
I haven't read the upanishads. Is the end goal "union with god"? If so, that's actually a fairly mundane goal easily achieved simply by becoming competent at meditation and aware of its significance and your own position as a fragment of the greater whole. But I mean, don't take my word for it, I'm a know-nothing do-nothing asshole.
"The country of the future is not the country of the present, and thus is doomed forever to be nothing but a fading ember, on top of a candle made of human feces.
Brazil is this faint ember, every breath it takes is the last, but life still lingers, stubborn as the man who lies on the dirt in front of the colonel mansion.
It struck as a dagger in his back that his cause was hopeless one, and he was wrong about this place. But he deserved peace, he earned it.
He closed his eyes and died, a lonely tear running through his cheek."
I'm thinking about my country.
I am engulfed by nostalgia and try to re-experience things that I am nostalgic about despite the fact that my life right now is happy and promising and I can still enjoy events that happen in the present.
I just lack a certain feeling of snug, warmness or completeness with current events. I can't quite explain it. Getting older has played a role perhaps but I find that I still get nostalgia in times when I was aware of the effect it had on me.
I just want to fuck off
To fly fast away
To the land of ever day
There were nothing's rough
Where eyes never see tears
One's friends even with fears
And there's no need to seem tough
But as another atom is ripped
Another minute now slipped
My would-be-soul is a cough
So all my dreams do die
Being only what shades imply
And my chest stirs with scoff
Knowing ı'm never to touch that loft
But still on goes the play
This engine of decay
And ı wonder if ı have a say
Why the only word allowed is yea
And why ı must be so soft
>>8276792
i feel this my man
and asa result i try to shape my present experiences in such a way so that i may feel nostalgic about them in the future some day
i dont know if thats a healthy way to live, but i figure shits never warm or complete when youre in it - its only in hindsight that you find comfort
still, i wish i could live truly and immersively in the moment, but i fear if i did i wouldnt end up remembering, if you know what i mean
>>8275633
checked
>>8276904
>>8276792
An on this, I often go about my daily life thinking - will i have nostalgia for this later?
Like maybe, Netflix. In fifteen years will something replace Netflix and I'll think back and go "I miss Netflix." You see, probably - but maybe not as much as some other technologies. Often what we remember most about older things are their flaws, and how we learned to live with them - our minds remember conflict and over time we romanticise those conflicts. I think back on watching cartoons as a child and having to wake up early because I knew if I missed my shows I'd have no way of watching them again. I remember having to put up with the commercials - I remember the crappy quality. But with Netflix, along with most technologies these days, everything is perfect. There's no conflict with Netflix, no schedules, no ads, quality is consistently high. What is there to remember? We tend to forget those things that were easy because theres no reason to dwell on them.
Will kids in the future have nostalgia for Netflix? Will I? What will I have nostalgia for in the future. I wonder.
Listening to Mogwai's Kids Will Be Skeletons, missing home. Et in Arcadia ego, I guess...
>>8276920
The aforementioned game, FLCL, Yeats... Bits and pieces of things anon, it comes and goes. It doesn't bother me though, it's simply a bit of unexpected sweetness.
>>8276927
I feel you. I often wonder how ı would have turned out if the internet wasn't around, would ı have become as much of a shut-in as ı am, or would ı have just suckered it up and had more relations? I miss not having everything right at the tip of my fingertips. I never minded waiting through the commercials, but nowaydays ı'm impatient for everything. I remember tuning up on schedule, religiously to my favorite shows, even waking early when something new was coming up; now ı can't find reason to leave my warm sheets half the time. What changed? I can't remember wanting anything as a kid. Now ı'm envious of people ı've never and never will meet. I don't want to be like this.
Speaking of nostalgia, I hate that emptiness you feel after finishing something uniquely incredible; like removing your hand from the suction of a vacuum, all the air in your chest vanishes and you feel disconcerted and satisfied, but because that book/game/show/etc was so incredible you also feel a strange melancholy because you'll never experience it in its new, whole, raw form again.
You can even feel the impending end before you actually finish sometimes, which is even worse.
>>8276951
Strangely, I don't mind that so much... I enjoy the feeling of having finished something and knowing that I can now hold it forever in my memory - and the sensation of looking back at the beginning of it and having those early experiences imbued with new significance. Things are more beautiful in memory, anon, even if that beauty is bittersweet.
>>8273438
...have we met before?
>>8276960
You know what, that actually cheered me up. I'll have to rework my perspective on endings, I guess. Bittersweet is a good start. Thank you, anon.
>>8276982
Glad I could help. But don't go too far from that starting point, the bitterness is what lets you know you're alive.
>>8276951
i dont feel like ive felt this in a while
i consume a lot of media but nothing has really affected me as much as it used to
i dont know if i've changed or if the media im consuming has changed
>>8277049
Things tend to stagnate sometimes. You might just need something to shock you out of it.
I need to clean my room badly, it's pathetic that I live in such filth -- trash, dirty dishes, laundry. It's strewn across my room, but a majority of it remains, bar laundry, on my desk which is covered in cigarette ash that I've blown off my keyboard lazily with cans of compressed air. It's also 3 AM and I'm still listening to music although I should be well-rested and just waking up at 6 AM to help my mom look for jobs. If only I could find one myself. Fuck, I don't have the motivation to do anything though. Too depressed. Have been for so long. I've lost the will to care, everyone is so disappointed in me. I couldn't even graduate high school. I can't make any friends, and the few I've managed to, have either left me or died, so isolation it is. Anyway, oh well.
¿Por qué carajo se escribe "a través", y no "através"? ¿En qué siglo decían "través"? La concha de la RAE.
>>8277049
Go watch some classic Spielberg or play the Mother series?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Yhyp-_hX2s
I'm this close to throwing my 17k first draft into the trash because a more organic concept came up. I don't know. Maybe make a short story out of it?
>>8277060
Dammit, man! Start cleaning now! I dont mean like a tidying up and a little clorox all-purposing, I mean like a DEEP CLEANING. Make the change today! Use a few good hours to just START, and youll feel much better.
You might have black mold and all that dangerous shit if it's hoarder-levels dirty, and that shit can make you act really depressed (and kill you eventually I think)
START THE SCRUBDOWN TODAY MOTHERFUCKER
If something exists must have the possibility to exist, that makes all objects have the exercise of the possibility to make.
