Hello lit, I post here frequently. I usually post my short stories for criticism. Some are received really well others are shat on.
This one had received a bit of constructive criticism so I reworked a lot of it. I have made it into a google doc that anyone can comment on. Please tell me what you think.
If anyone posts any of their work to this thread I will reply after reading it. Thanks guys
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1v7KK6HpDCugJ4zYt4cd3Jmh28LtfV6Knnkq_HgWgi0g/edit?usp=sharing
Have you finished the story or does it end there?
Well, anyway, it was pretty nice. If the story ends there, then I think I didn't understand anything. Otherwise, I'm still confused because I don't know the ending
Crit mine, it's the first scene of a script of a noir short movie
>>8241966
I personally think that the story is quite common and it could be more poetic. First of all, It doesn't provide any new or interesting characteristic to what is known as fantastic literature. I would recommend you to focus on something not as typical as the "mysterious object". Second, the narration is too physical, it would be far more better if you add some figure of speech and some rhymes. This won't make tour story more imaginative but at least it will enrich your writing.
Not bad at all, yet you could improve with little changes. Keep on writing and try to be as critical as you can with what you write
>>8241966
Stop describing and start using the tools of the language. I dont want to read a manual of your imagination. Read a scene from your favorite book and then read your story. You could have the most logical and outrageous plot but it still is crushed by its poor telling.
>>8242131
I liked your lexical richness. basic twist, though
>>8241966
Sorry everyone, I forgot to say:
In the end the gem is smashed by a king who dropped it a long time ago. The story is about God.
>>8242131
This is OP on phone this is pretty good. There are errors but it captures the classic film noir atmosphere quite well. Maybe a little too cliche?
Also that was me saying the end of my story in other post
>>8242376
Sorry I really should have explained the fantasy setting does not matter to the ending of the story.
>>8241966
I posted some comments on the doc. Feel free to respond to them or ask questions. I'll lurk for a bit and check it again in the morning.
>>8242499
I read through them, while I find the criticisms very valid and I will take many of them into consideration I feel like you have missed the point of the story.
In the end the setting doesn't matter at all, it is the final result of the gem being smashed a long time ago that brings the story to a close. The ending makes the story itself absurd.
I have read most of Cormac McCarthy's books, they are good. However this is not my style of writing and attempting to imitate his rich scenery would not fit my meaning.
>>8242573
Setting is a crucial component of almost any story. Few stories happen nowhere, and if they do then that nowhere is itself a setting. I understand you like your plot, but that's not an excuse to cheat the reader out of actually being somewhere specific and real.
And McCarthy isn't only good at scenery, he's good all around. His descriptions of battle, of town scenes, of minor, seemingly insignificant actions are something all writers can learn from. I'm not saying do it like he does. I'm saying actually study how good language flows, how simple, even boring, things can be described in an evocative way.
The art of writing is about conjuring images with words. You could have the most brilliant things in your head and achieve nothing if the language you choose doesn't capture the emotion and nuance of your vision.
>>8242597
I disagree with that, but you are free to have your beliefs about what writing can be, and I will consider them.
