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Is there any potential in this shoddily thrown together shor
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Anonymous
2016-07-03 04:25:50 Post No. 8234786
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Anonymous 2016-07-03 04:25:50 Post No. 8234786 [Report]
Is there any potential in this shoddily thrown together short story type thing?

http://txt.do/5idoq
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Anonymous 2016-07-03 04:28:24 Post No.8234799
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Anonymous 2016-07-03 04:28:24 Post No.8234799 [Report]
After reading the first sentence, no.
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Anonymous 2016-07-03 04:31:16 Post No.8234809
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Anonymous 2016-07-03 04:31:16 Post No.8234809 [Report]
>>8234799
I'll give you that, the first sentence is shit.
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Anonymous 2016-07-03 04:43:05 Post No.8234831
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Anonymous 2016-07-03 04:43:05 Post No.8234831 [Report]
lost interest at 'One day I was', skimmed the rest. you have a beginning and ending joined by nothing and a ton of cliched language to clean up, but without any dialogue i can't see it being anything more than an entertaining but awkwardly long summary. also don't refer to people as 4chan boards, please, it's cringey.

all in all, there is potential, needs a lot of polish and a better sense of structure and pacing. that said, almost everything has potential.
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