Need critique
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Wrote some untraditional free verse poems, just want to hear what people think.
First poem:
A hallowed death by a withering tree,
A falling of leaves that brings upon tranquility.
The soul made boundless from the shackles of mortality,
And carried aloft by wings of peace.
Only through death is there true life,
So please, do go gently into that good night.
Second poem:
A link made eternal will not sever,
As a mind tormented will always snap,
One at war with body and mind,
For a cause unsure,
But a link everlasting clutches to the broken pieces,
As a shattered soul endures it all
If you're too stupid to find the crit thread then there's no point in even bothering to read your poems.
>>8224073
>free verse
D R O P P E D
Fuckin beautiful mate
ayo bitch hol up
lemme holla atcha
im finna clap dat phat ass gurl
what you say
ay where you goin
aight fuck you
>>8224105
Pretty good. The unconventional capitalization (or lack thereof) really makes it unique. I also admire your use of modern slang and vernacular. The last line leaves everything somewhat ambiguous, which adds to the mystery of the poem- to whom is the narrator speaking? Who knows?
Quite the constructive critique!
I don't like it
>>8224073
I can relate to the second one.
Don't mind the meanies, they're simply mad they don't have the balls to write and show their work. :^)
Discipline is as important as talent.
Thank you, good sir or madame.
I'm barely a poet, I kinda just wrote these out of boredom and depression
>>8224128
It's shit but keep reading and writing anyway. Try to write about more concrete things next time.
>>8224134
>More concrete
Bruh don't advice him to regress centuries.
Your criticisms are the ones who urgently need to be more concrete, actually. :^)
