I do think this is rather bad..please be kind.
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Well, I wasnt too sure where to post this, as its my first time, please do try to be kind?
The men are marching to the somme,
Full of life, cheer and song,
The war'll be over by christmas they said,
A lie putting doubt to a soldiers head,
And tragedy is clear to see,
In Gallipoli,
By the sea,
The men still march unwavering,
But with no joy,
They'll no more sing,
The men are marching from the somme,
Half a million lives are gone,
Now they march to passchendaele,
They've been told it just can't fail,
It'll make the enemy go pale,
They'll drop their weapons and turn tail,
Millions of lives are no more,
Because men bled on gallipolis shore,
Because men fell dead in gunfire,
Worse than a dragons ire,
Because of this, you must be sure,
DO NOT FORGET THE FIRST WORLD WAR.
war is bad
it is not rad
don't be mad
if your mum is sad
at the death of your dad
war is bad
- OP
a little repetitive, and the fact that the last line didn't rhyme when it was supposed to was really off-putting
keep writing though
Well I did come up with this just now and im utteroy exhausted, thanks for the criticism, ill work on it.
>>8166336
Trash.
There is nothing you can add to ww1 poetry.
“I shall be one with nature, herb, and stone,”
Shelley would tell me. Shelley would be stunned:
The dullest Tommy hugs that fancy now.
“Pushing up daisies,” is their creed, you know.
>>8166336
A bit repetitive but I like the fact that you referenced actual battles like the Somme and Gallipoli. It sort of falls apart after the "passchendaele" where the rhymes become uninspired and elementary. Also "dragons ire" is fucking gay, but that's just my opinion since there are to many fucking dragons around in fiction these days. Also the last line does not rhyme wtf?
Sowwie am tired. I did think it got a bit bad but I dont really care, im happy that a fair few think the start was alright, so ill keep working on the rest, im surprised ive been told useful nthings, insteadbof the usual 'kys'
>>8166336
Well I must say, my good friend has just annihilated my poem, with something so utterly magnificent you must cry when you gaze upon itI
dig, you dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig
![rCPKuJ3[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/eMbodO7.jpg "rCPKuJ3[1]")
