The play just had its first preview and the plot is worse than garbage fanfiction.
http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/06/10/harry-potter-and-the-cursed-child-spoilers-here-s-the-plot-of-the-play.html
Some highlights:
>This blond boy introduces himself as Scorpius Malfoy, son of Draco. Despite the kids’ open discussion that his real father could be Voldemort, Albus decides to stay.
>Albus is intrigued by this older girl with silver and blue hair
>Bane, the centaur,
>She tells him to get back to school or he’s going to ruin Voldemort Day.
>Every conversation in this alternate reality ends by people crossing their wrists and saying: For Voldemort and valor.
>Every girl at Hogwarts is hoping Scorpius—known as the Scorpion King—will ask them to the Blood Ball. The other kids do his homework.
>Snape lets him into a secret room where Hermione and Ron are in hiding. Hermione is the most wanted wizard in the world.
J.K. Rowling is already in full damage control mode and is calling anyone who discusses spoilers wormtails.
https://twitter.com/jk_rowling/status/741736176034418688
>jk Rowling
This isn't literature
Delete this
>>8154904
>Bane, the centaur
NOOOOOO SURVIVORS
>>8154904
A novel adaptation of the play is coming out on July 31st.
>>8154899
>Bane, the centaur,
fuck you rowling for keeping this shitty meme alive. it's bad enough we get invaded by /tv/ because you decided to turn your books into movies and television series, and now this shit.
Reminder that JK Rowling will never sit on your face and slap your cock with her thin hands
How much money does she need?
>>8154915
me on the left
>>8154907
I would pay to see a movie starring Tom Hardy as Bane and Dwayne Johnson as the Scorpion King.
Also I now feel bad for black Hermione having to go through this shit.
WHAT MATTERS IS OUR FRANCHISE
>>8154899
The plot is fucking soap opera tier.
>Voldemort had a daughter with Bellatrix
It's fanfic tier. How does his nadgers even work after years of dork magic? Why ruin this image of an inhumane monster by giving him a sexual history? Asexuals are clearly not human, ergo, making Voldemort an asexual was a genius stroke, that the author has now ruined beyond repair.
Link got pruned.
>>8154899
>the play is an intentionally-poor parable to the audience on the dangers of 'time travel' (needless returning to a completed world)
imagining this makes it slightly better
>>8154899
Bane....?
>>8154970
heil
>>8154899
>Scorpion King
>Blood Ball
>Silver and blue hair
Is this My Immortal 2: Enobby's Revenge?
>>8154969
It reads more like the internet meme machine going on about her plot holes, Bane and cuckery has eaten her brain away
>>8154937
This I agree with, the whole difference between Harry and Voldemort's characters was that Harry had love in his life whereas Voldemort was born from a loveless union which made him the way it did and making him a power hungry asexual would've fit in nicely with his character. Makes sense for Harry to have children but not for Voldemort, they brought it up countless times how he might never possibly love someone due to the way he was created. Delphine sounds like a qt though.
I have actually read fanfics with better plots than this.
>Bane, the centaur
Does /tv/ know yet?
>>8154899
Sounds as bad as The Force Awakens when all that did was "HEY! I KNOW YOU REMEMBER THIS HAPPENED IN THE OT SO HERE IT IS AGAIN! ISN'T THIS MOVIE AMAZING!?" Rowling is using the exact same shit.
>>8155024
TFA was pretty damn good though, even if it's basically the same as the OT.
>>8155024
It sounds far worse than TFA.
>>8155033
>TFA was pretty damn good
Outside the aerial battle scenes no it wasn't.
>>8155038
there are worse movies out there, it isn't a binary sucks or is amazing. It was an alright movie.
>>8155038
The ground scenes with the troopers are really well made. And the lightsaber battles finally had some weight in them.
It felt like starwars, and that's all I wanted from that movie tbqh
>>8155024
Stop fucking trying to talk about the force awakens you aspie, it this is a literature board and the two are not even comparable
TELL ME ABOUT THE BANE
>>8155045
It has a novelization. We are discussing the adaptation of the hit feature film.
>>8155056
shut up
>>8154908
that wont be literature either
http://archive.boston.com/news/globe/editorial_opinion/oped/articles/2003/09/24/dumbing_down_american_readers/
>>8155065
Think about how long Ron and Hermione were trapped in that room in one of the alternate universesnot even being able to STRETCH THEIR LEGS
>>8154970
Not the Bane you're looking for, back to /tv/ with you.
>>8155065
i cant wait for the old cunt to die
>>8154915
groce man shes like 70 y.o.
Why are harry potter fans on here such manchidlren sperglords?
>>8155041
>there are worse movies out there
Well guess what, bruh, that's just not fucking good enough to justify the existence of yet another Star Wars movie
>>8154899
>he cares about the plot
>>8154899
You forgot the part where VOLDEMORT HAD A SECRET DAUGHTER WITH BELLATRIX
Jesus Christ, this woman has elevated hackery to a new all time high.
>>8155729
is this true?
>>8154979
Basically.
>>8155885
Yes. Read the synopsis for yourself if you don't believe me.
>>8155065
>a student called Walt Whitman racist, how obscene
He was racist Bloom you coffin dodger
>>8155920
Even if that were true, that's not his point.
>>8155033
>TFA was pretty damn good
>>8154899
>>8154904
>>8155729
>J.K. Rowling
The Cursed Child was written by Jack Thorne. Rowling is simply allowing this to happen. Getting mad at Rowling for allowing some other person to "tarnish the artistic integrity of the Harry Potter series" when you don't even believe Harry Potter has that to begin with is stupid.
>>8154937
>asexuals are clearly not human
epic liberal biggotry
Was really hoping that "worse than garbage fanfiction" was an overstatement, then I got to
"Draco asks Harry to use his position as Head of Magical Law Enforcement at the Ministry of Magic to shut down gossip that a Time-Turner was used to allow Voldemort to impregnate Astoria, Draco’s wife, who gave birth to Scorpius."
And goddammit........
>>8156027
Whoops, meant to include this quote too:
"He asks for a statement to be released confirming the Time-Turners have all been destroyed, because his son has such a hard time being bullied about it."
Come on, Rowling, what are you doing?
>>8156032
I don't see the problem with wizards coming up with some retarded rumour that someone is actually the secret child of Voldemort.
The problem arises when it turns out they were right about Voldemort having a secret child, just not their identity.
>>8156042
I agree, the rumor isn't a problem at all, totally feasible for kids to make that rumor. But I mean, throughout the entirety of the 7-book series, Voldemort is shown to be a pretty inhuman character who has no interest in sex or anything of the like.
Shit, he's not even compassionate toward Bellatrix, so far as I can remember, so for him to have a child at all, yeah, it completely breaks character.
>tfw JK Rowling will never beckon you closer and let you sniff her plot holes
>>8156011
>Harry Potter and the Cursed Child is written by British playwright Jack Thorne, based on an original story by J. K. Rowling, Thorne and John Tiffany.
She definitely had to approve the story, and it sounds like she helped plot it too. Also, I'm not any of those guys, and I did enjoy the original series when I was a kid (although I haven't read any of them in years and so don't know how they hold up), but it seems pretty clear to me that Rowling's spark of inspiration only extended as far as the original series and the HP stuff she's putting out now is just a transparent and subpar attempt to get some extra money and spread her liberal views around (not that I disagree with them). The other posters are right; compared to the original series which in my recollection was well plotted if not well written, the story of this play does read like bad fanfiction.
>>8156084
>Bane, the centaur
>>8154899
Is it just me or does her face in this remind anyone else of pic related?
>>8156103
not really. like, not at all.
>Draco asks Harry to use his position as Head of Magical Law Enforcement at the Ministry of Magic to shut down gossip that a Time-Turner was used to allow Voldemort to impregnate Astoria, Draco’s wife, who gave birth to Scorpius.
I quite literally spit pasta over my keyboard laughing at this.
Holy fucking shit, I have read better works of fanfiction written by 12-year-old yaoi fangirls.
>Back on the train to Hogwarts, Albus hugs Scorpius and tells him they need to go back in time and save Cedric. They jump from the moving train.
I can't read any more. Let me curl up and die.
>>8156125
This can't be real
And I'm not even a fan
>third book: time is a closed loop, you can't really change anything with time travel
>now: ayy lmao alternate timelines
bane
>>8156042
The rumor is stupider than the reality, though. Why would anyone suspect that Draco would literally travel back through time to cuck himself with Voldemort?
>>8156042
Maybe Bellatrix hit him with an invitro inseminatus curse?
>>8156227
Isnt the rumour that someone impregnated her without his knowledge?
>>8156227
Everything doesn't quite do what the plot requires imo. Why does Albus desperately want to bring back Cedric like that? Why is Voldemort's daughter genetically programmed to bring back her dad?
>there are people in their 20's and older who are still fans of harry potter and WILL purchase this book
When will this generation grow the fuck up?
>>8156287
I remember older people reading Harry Potter as it came out and whining about not being able to have a proper discussion about it. It's all baby boomers man.
Most people have always been into equally stupid shit tho, way of the world my man
>>8155920
The problem is that it doesn't matter.
>>8156366
>it doesn't matter
https://youtube.com/watch?v=g4aiPxbDdcM
>>8154899
Here's my question.
What does Draco do for work? How are the Malfoys even immune from prosecution after the Battle of Hogwarts?
It sounds like he works for the Ministry, but how would he even get a job there after Voldemort died?
>>8156978
>he literally works making time turners
>>8156978
The Malfoys are still rich. JKR said that they weaseled out of prosecution again after the Battle of Hogwarts due to how Narcissa helped Harry. It's total bullshit that Lucius got away with everything, but Draco at least was being directly threatened by Voldemort the whole time.
This is even worse than the original books
how can this be fucking possible
>>8154899
This has to be a joke. It has to be. She can't "Siriusly" have fucked up so badly. If this is the plot, it shows nothing but disdain for both the fans and the Harry Potter books.
And all the while, she's busy jumping on the gayclub shooting bandwagon.
>>8154937
>Asexuals are clearly not human
man
There's like 10 fanfictions I'd rather see adapted than this hilarious disaster. Get sapphiresmoke to write the next Harry Potter plz.
>>8155008
It always made me smile that Rowling outright said that children born of rape will be heartless monsters. Despite all the liberal bollocks she's gobbling on now, she still left that wide open.
>Draco asks Harry to use his position as Head of Magical Law Enforcement at the Ministry of Magic to shut down gossip that a Time-Turner was used to allow Voldemort to impregnate Astoria, Draco’s wife, who gave birth to Scorpius.
What
>>8157530
It's pro-abortion propaganda.
>>8156087
>spread her liberal views around (not that I disagree with them)
You support import of rapefugees?
Cause what else does liberal mean nowadays?
>>8157541
"Rapefugees" is a stupid meme, like the worst thing about migrants is that they rape more. Who is actually convinced by this argument? Migration is bad because it amounts to ethnic displacement of the native population, like China is doing to Tibet, conquest by immigration.
>>8157558
>Migration is bad because it amounts to ethnic displacement of the native population...
And, in the case of Europe, because the immigrants are a bunch of rapists. Look at the rape rates in Germany and Sweden now that they've cucked themselves.
>>8157571
It doesn't matter. You can't defeat an ideology with enough strength to convince entire nations to quietly accept the invasion of millions of foreigners from the other side side of the world by pointing to increased rape rates.
>>8157558
>Migration is bad because it amounts to ethnic displacement of the native population
Why's that bad?
You sound pretty spooked desu
>>8157577
If you don't believe in securing the existence of your nation and posterity then you will simply die and be forgotten by history while less degenerate peoples replace you. The problem is Europe is eager for death.
>>8154951
finding plot holes in a kiddies book.
c'mon.
>>8157584
I don't mind securing the existence of my nation, but it isn't *my* nation.
Also we're all going to die and be forgotten by history.
>>8157584
>he thinks nations are an ancient concept and not just a recent invention
>historians_laughing.eps
>>8157608
The sophistry of definitions.
>>8157614
>muh its all down to definitions!111!
>>8157608
Nationalism is just a broader based version of the same tribalism one could see in Chimpanzees. Reading ancient literature shows that many of the ancients across the world were what we would understand today as a bunch of racist nationalists.
>>8157608
>he is a fucking cuckold who wants foreigners to come fuck his wife
Get raped by Muslims you worthless spineless nu-male
>>8157615
>>8157771
Stop posting like a fucking /r9k/ browser
People are trying to have a discussion, yet you attempt cover the thread in excrement
>>8157777
I don't see a discussion, all I see is dumb slogans and shit-slinging. As in every thread where /pol/ appears
Do you think they're addressing shitty fanfics, on some level? The blue and silver haired secret daughter of Voldemort is a little too on the nose for me to think otherwise.
>>8157790
there was a discussion, whether of good quality or not.
Your poor behaviour destroyed any chance of it bearing any fruit.
>/pol/ is against refugees shitting up muh pure white nation
>/pol/ migrates to /lit/ to shit up to place
Samurai please, make it so anyone who posts on /pol/ is banned from /lit/ for two weeks.
>>8157855
/pol/ as always, was the first to make it about their sickening cuck fantasies. It's amazing how consistently that fetish must be churning in their minds - no matter the subject, the /pol/ user will eventually make it about that.
>>8157874
>sickening
Are you saying you don't love interracial sex? You fucking racist shit, it's 2016.
>>8157880
/pol/, you can stop now with the posturing, and perhaps consider suicide while you're at it
Nations mean nothing. Men,
Ideal, atomic, individual,
Can laugh and fall fallow
With light souls like butterflies
Washed colorless as cellophane,
Unconcerned with past or place,
Free of all glory or ambition,
Rigorous and concrete-skulled
Or shallow, bland and gushing,
Quite immune to pride or shame,
Quite perfect for bureaucracy:
As the planet returns in space,
As homogeneous as immutable,
Growing gray in static place.
It has to be a carefully orchestrated troll. A publicity stunt. They're intentionally releasing this bullshit and asking the preview audiences to not contradict the story.R-right, guys?
>>8154910
Bane the centaur appears in the Philosopher Stone, he is not a character original to the play.He's a big guy
>Harry Potter
Already trash from the first book.
I don't know about you guys but I'm eager to see how they put a centaur in a live action play. I'm preparing bane centaurs for when it hits.
>>8154908
its not a ovel adaption, though. its a fucking photocopy of the script. its going to ruin the reading experience and totally be a piece of shit.
>>8158489
Does reading Shakespeare ruin it?
of course this piece of shit is no Shakespeare, but reading a play script doesn't ruin a drama in and of itself.
>>8154899
>Bane, the centaur,
>>8158127
Remember when Daniel Radcliffe did equus? Swap the actor and horse prop positions
>>8154899
Bane?
>>8158523
kek
>>8154920
You're a big guy.
>>8154899
Bunch of retards in this thread. Bane is a character from the novels. He's existed for far longer than the Bane from Batman.
>>8156287
>When will this generation grow the fuck up?
From a subhuman who posted a frog...
>>8154899
STRETCHED
>>8154937
voldemort was incel, the true wellspring of his power
>>8160678
>He's existed for far longer than the Bane from Batman.
Bane was created in 1993 you mongoloid.
>>8157615
you're a fucking idiot.
>woww dude.. countries are just ink on a piece of paper man.. haha feel the Bern amirite
>>8157584
>nation=genetics
Aren't the western values these people defend basically the humanist universalism that negates their own arguments? If you're going to disregard the enlightenment, then what remaining western values separate Europe from, say, the Islamic world?
Have you read a book other than The Bell Curve?
>>8160905
And Harry Potter was first published in 1986, dipshit.
>>8160967
>If you're going to disregard the enlightenment, then what remaining western values separate Europe from, say, the Islamic world?
Basically nothing, it's just a question of who gets to be in charge really.
>>8159381
Glad someone got it
>>8156287
I read the first Harry Potter when I was 18. I am now 33 and I will buy this book.
>>8161015
The first Harry Potter came out before I was born, I can say that without getting banned, and I will not buy this book.
>>8161058
Good for you, faglord.
>>8156087
>based on an original story by J. K. Rowling, Thorne and John Tiffany
She's begun to spread the blame then. A month ago it was all hers.
>>8161015
I read one paragraph of Harry Potter and realized I was way too smart for it.
Watching a Marvel movie, playing a videogame, or sleeping is a better use of your time
Draco asks Harry to use his position as Head of Magical Law Enforcement at the Ministry of Magic to shut down gossip that a Time-Turner was used to allow Voldemort to impregnate Astoria, Draco’s wife, who gave birth to Scorpius
Also, anyone who accuses you of being from /pol/ for sharing your quite valid, logical, honest and completely relevant opinion about Mudshits, is a bigot, ignorant, and a shitty cuck. Having opinions is not wrong, whats wrong is when you reject people simply because of their own opinion. If any of you beta SJW virgins ever get laid, I'd probably give it a week solid before your GF cucks you for Tyrone, and you can sit back and laugh and talk about Ebola with your faggot manbuns.
>>8154915
it jus how it do
>>8154951
are these extracts of finnegans wake what the fuck does this even say
>>8161246
SALLY: What's wrong?
JIMMY: I've never done this before.
SALLY: (bursts out laughing) Really? Oh... my... God! You're a twenty-one year old man, Jimmy, and you're telling me you're a virgin?
JIMMY: Don't you fucking laugh.
SALLY: I'm sorry, but it's just too funny. Twenty-one...virgin...oh my God...
JIMMY: So fucking what? I have problems, alright?
SALLY: Yeah, and the biggest one is that you're a twenty-one year old virgin. Ha-ha-ha-ha... Oh God. And now, that you have the opportunity, you can't even get it up.
JIMMY: I am a man, I should be able to please a woman...
SALLY: That's right, but you can't. Look at that little thing. You call that a cock? It's about the size of one of my nipples. (Laughs uproariously.)
JIMMY: I'm pathetic...
SALLY: Of course you are.
JIMMY: I came here happy and hopeful, thinking that things are finally getting better. Thinking I could change things. My mom died last week. And she told me... told me to have hope...that I am a nice boy who will do things... go places...
SALLY: You? Go places? Ha! The only place you're going is back to your pathetic little life, Jimmy. (Gets up, dresses.)
JIMMY: Can I at least have my money back?
SALLY: No.
JIMMY: But--
(Door opens, big black man enters.)
MANDINGO: We got a problem, white boy?
JIMMY: No...
SALLY: Jimmy, this is Antoine. You wanna see a real man, look at him. Cock's wide as a coke can and long as the Eiffel Tower. Unlike you, Jimmy, he's not a pathetic loser who can't pleasure a woman. (Smiles pruriently at Antoine.)
JIMMY: (Leaving now, tears in eyes.) I can't... I can't live anymore...
SALLY: You shouldn't. There's a bridge around the corner, use that.
(As Jimmy leaves, Antoine and Sally embrace each other, ready to have sex)
>>8161452
What books are there that basically have the focus on characters like Jimmy and he's put through this sort of situation frequently? Makes a naive young man want to die? Genuinely want to know.
>>8161213
>I read one paragraph of Harry Potter and realized I was way too smart for it.
>>8161246
> disliking people for their opinions is pure evil, unlike my racism, sexism etc
You're retarded bro
>>8160967
>If you're going to disregard the enlightenment, then what remaining western values separate Europe from, say, the Islamic world?
lol
I actually feel embarrassed for you right now.
>>8162100
That's funny because I always feel sorry for everyone.
>>8161432
>are these extracts of finnegans wake
jk kys
>>8154937
>dork magic
My sides
