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Any late night lurkers?

Wondering if you could critique this flash story. I am willing to take some insults, but maybe you could offer some general critique as well.

Thanks for your time.


I've finished my two eggs. Scrambled. With pepper. Two and a
half shakes of pepper. I

left one bite full on the plate. Have to leave the one bite full on the plate.

I have to turn off the light above my stove. Off. On again to make sure it's working. And off. Good. Everything is good.

I have to make sure the outside is still there. I don't have to. I want to. It's just a joke really. I do it every morning. But still. It's just a joke.

I have to put my shoes on before I open the door to check if the outside is still there. It doesn't matter that I'm not stepping outside. I have to wear the shoes before I can check. I don't have to. I want to. It's just a joke. Really, it is.

I tie the laces tight. Left shoe first. Always the left shoe first. And then the right. I cannot do the right one first, it wouldn't be right. Left. Then right. It's the right way.

Shoes on. I can go check. I unlock the door. I lock the door. I have to make sure the lock is working. I unlock the door. I lock the door. I unlock the door. I lock the door. I unlock the door.

No. No, no, no, no. Did I check it twice? Unlock, then lock, then unlock, then lock, then unlock? Or did I only do unlock, lock, then unlock? This isn't good. If I check it again, will it be right, or will I have done it too many times? I have to do it the right amount of times. I can't do it less. I can't do it more. No, no, no, no. Why is this happening? It's just a joke, really. I don't have to....

Twice or three times? This is not good. How many times? Do I check it again? I could just walk away from it. But I have to check to see if the outside is still there. I don't have to. I want to. It's just a joke, really. I have to check, I have to check, I have to decide on the lock.

One more time. I'm sure of it. That will be two. It has to be two. It doesn't have to be. Lock. Was that two, or three? I have to check if the outside is still there. Unlock.

I open the door.

The outside is not there.

That's not the outside. That's not the normal outside. It's yellow. It's bright yellow space. And dogs. Dogs are flying. I think they are dogs. They are animals. And they have children in their teeth? Or dolls? It doesn't matter. I checked to see if the outside was there. I did do that. I did check. I didn't have to. It's just a joke, really. I have more pressing concerns.

Did I check the lock twice or three times? I can undo it if I did it three times instead of two. Before I close it. I don't have to. I want to. It's a joke, really.

Lock. Unlock. That's minus one. Is it at two now, or did I make it one? Lock. Unlock.

The outside that is not there is being loud. I have to concentrate.

Lock. Unlock.