I never thought I would find her in my own backyard.
>>8095267
literally the worst thing i have ever read
>>8095259
Death as a state seems as fitting to me as depression was
>>8095259
Was I a boy, or The New Man?
Here I am once again, torn into pieces.
There she was, lying on the ground, dirtier than a sponge on bath day.
There has been no hitherto preexisting phenomenologico-hermeneutical investigation of barfing and I am here writing this book to rectify this fucking issue so strap yourself in and enjoy because it took me like five years to finish it.
"REPENT, FOUL XENOS! REPENT!"
At first you don't notice them, they're ordinariness is what keeps them well hidden.
--that's how it always starts.
>>8095330
Don't dis the backwoods detective
We begin with the stage case of Sylvia Johnson.
The biggest mistake of my life was clicking on the "Post" button.
>>8095259
here's a weird one for you.
Sunset found her squatting in the grass, ruminating.
We were kings and queens once...
>>8095406
>Sunset found her squatting in the grass, ruminating.
Damn anon getting in on the new "bovine-lit" scene. Wish more authors would make books about cows.
>>8095419
Once you go cow, you don't know how.
No one tells you the thing you love most is going to be what kills you.
>>8095406
>Sunset found her squatting in the grass, ruminating.
>>8095319
>>8095343
>>8095376
>>8095429
What's with all this 2nd person POV?
nothing says "this book is about to go straight to shit" than being directly acknowledged by the author.
Notes from the Underground pulled it off.
The Fall pulled it off.
Catcher in the Rye pulled it off.
You are not about to pull it off.
>>8095411
Ahem, I'm fairly certain that the proper term is KANGS.
Fucking pleb.
>>8095450
I only intend to directly acknowledge the reader in the foreword, which is the first chapter. Anything beyond that will be strictly first person.
"It's almost harvesting season!"not even joking
"I awaken robbed of my vision, and hear only yelling of three different people arguing about the ethics of preforming surgery with engineering tools in a supply closet."
Call me cis-male.
>>8095490
Want a copy of the book? I'm doing a promotion on Amazon with free downloads
It wasn't like any other day, this was a dark, crisp night and my eyes were headlights.
>>8095259
>Are you fucking kidding me?
>>8095508
sure
>>8095510
>it wasn't like any day
>it's night
>eyes are headlights
nigga what
>>8095330
I'll switch it with what I had originally,
I think I'm dead.
>>8095516
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B01G0TOU14/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1464488055&sr=1-1&pi=SY200_QL40&keywords=fusion+heart&dpPl=1&dpID=51EbHhVKuvL&ref=plSrch
A cloud slid down the valley, moving like a slug across the treetops.
Emily looked really nervous. She eyed up the posters and books in our den, lagging on the Chris Hitchens shelf. Under a wreath of smoke I passed her the joint. "God's dead, baby".
I managed to break up the monotony of the PTA evening by doing several really big farts at socially and professionally inopportune moments, something which many of my students' parents seemed perturbed by.
To all the dreamers, to all those who reach for the stars, to all those who think big and live for their passions, go fuck yourselves.
>>8095450
You act like "pulling it off" is some great impossibility and the act of trying is in and of itself defeating. We all understand you feel like a failure, but don't project on us
"You know you're always welcome."
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with appropriating local gang violence and tragedies caused by marginalisation and generally poor social and lawmaking policies in inner city neighbourhoods near to where you grew up into an attempt to make your past life as a 10 year old living a sheltered life in central London seem more exciting and character-building than it ever actually was, it’s totally ethical and defendable don't get mad.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
>>8095591
>local gang violence and tragedies caused by marginalisation and generally poor social and lawmaking policies in inner city neighbourhoods
stopped reading there. hope you die btw
Sitting on the bottom of a boat loading ramp with my grandfather just after the stars come out. He shines his flashlight out over the swamp to show me all the alligators resting on the banks. I can see the little bit of devil leftover in their eyes when the light’s on ‘em. Gator-fire, he tells me. I turn to ask him why they’re so bright just as the last truck pulls out of the gravelly lot behind us, illuminating his worn face for just a second. His eyes flash red-orange in the headlights.
it was the best of times, it was the blurst of times.
>>8095629
>you wrote this therefore you think it!
>what are character voices
>>8095591
this is hideous. good god
>>8095267
This legitimately sounded like it came from an anime or light novel.
A song's remembered.
"I will literally kill you if you so much as set a foot inside a recruiting station."
>>8095648
it's one sentence tho
A warm and forward wind hums through the treetops.
>>8095330
i mean you're probably just trolling but is it fair to judge it as a whole off the first sentence of something? i didn't submit any of those but still
I found my uncle jacking off in amongst the treetops. treetops treetops treetops
>>8095675
>fair
of course it isn't fair
One summer afternoon Mrs Oedipa Maas came home from a Tupperware party whose hostess had put perhaps too much kirsch in the fondue to find that she, Oedipa, had been named executor, or she supposed executrix, of the estate of one Pierce Inverarity, a California real estate mogul who had once lost two million dollars in his spare time but still had assets numerous and tangled enough to make the job of sorting it all out more than honorary.
>>8095684
now that i think about it i realize i have probably missed the point of a critique oriented thread. carry on
What fun, we are so very afraid! As you should be, for the storm is coming. I see the inferno and the lightning. I see God killing the infidels. Fucking God, always with the killing infidels.
>>8095689
Beautiful.
>>8095689
woah i guess dfw isn't dead
>>8095588
very cozy. keep this up for 200 more pages.
>mirin them superior numerics
>>8095259
It was all a dream
'You still haven't told me why the creep had his kids taken away from him.' 'Well, let's just say when the General Mills company removed the word 'nut' from his children's 'Honey Nut Cheerios' cereal and changed the product name to 'Honey Cheerios', this sicko decided to re-add the 'nut' to their bowls himself.' 'Chief, I don't know why you always have to tell me about the crimes of pedophiles in the most roundabout and sickeningly graphic yet wittily ironic ways you can find.' 'Well, it's either this or I start drinking again.'
>>8095734
Laughed aloud
>>8095716
Fuckin gay, tbqhwyfdskys,
>>8095734
kek
>>8095734
may i read more?
Off our knees; hallelujah, hallelujah!
>>8095743
What's the 'ds' for?
>>8095267
>necrophilia
Absolutely disgusting desu senpai
>>8095772
I'm just fuckin around, lol. But seriously, give me some context. I hope "It was all a dream" meant all the narrator/protagonist had come to believe as true was really all a lie (or something similar to that), and not literally a dream/
>>8095788
It's a Joycean 'first sentence fragment is the end to the last sentence of the book'
>>8095299
>bath day
>>8095524
>including rapper name in pseudonym.
you ain't slick
>>8095689
Trash
He tried to kill me (tried to kill ME!), and I found myself unable to stop laughing as my hands convinced his head and torso to part ways.
Hi there!; I'm David Foster Wallace; welcome to a "little" book of mine called Infinite Jest!; hope you enjoy!
*record scratch* *my own worst enemy starts playing* Hooooooh boy, I bet you're wondering how I got into THIS mess!
>>8095837
holy fuck
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface.
>>8095893
i always love a good 'hooooooooh boy'
>>8095893
>My Own Worst Enemy
>tfw It Ain't Me
>>8095837
There's so many things wrong with this sentence. It's like a spectacle of bad. For example, consider the awkward use of repetition that adds nothing but words to the overall statement. Consider the ugly use of parenthesis at the very beginning of the opening sentence of a book. Consider the shitty young-adult-novel-esque use of capitalization for emphasis, a turd which is rivaled in AIDS only by the excessive use of exclamation points that is so common among hack writers. And after you've considered all this, consider the fact that he thought that he could get away with using the verb "convinced" to describe ripping someone's head from their torso. Imagine that. Why don't you go 'convince' your draft into millions of little pieces, and then try to convince me that what you wrote something that is of any value or that it conveys anything at all? Overall, I'm giving you an F on this assignment, and I'm stapling it to the wall, not because I think it's particularly special, nor particularly interesting, nor particularly good, no, dear God, no - I'm doing it as an example for the class on how not to write an opening line for a book. And if I see anyone writing something this bad and turning it into me with a shit-faced grin, I will slap that grin clean off your face and fail you. Do I make myself clear?
>>8095934
That's more than one sentence, mouthbreather.
>>8095934
OP said first sentence, not first paragraph.
>>8095500
Lol
When it became clear to the tax collector that the peasants had no way to pay, he settled on a finely wrought talisman and the headman's daughter.
>>8095965
I like it, but it's not appropriate as the first sentence. It looks like it'd be more appropriate much later in the book. Generally, spouting something off without context isn't a good way to start. You should start with something that really introduces your work, stylistically and thematically.
>>8095633
This image is cool, but you should consider a different tense. It sounds like the narrator is reminiscing, why not use past tense?
>>8095965
that's a finely wrought sentence, except for "no way to pay". The double internal rhyme makes it feel cheesey. I'd word it "no way of paying" to avoid that, personally.
A way a lone a last a loved a long the riverrun, past Eve and Adam's, from swerve of shore to bend of bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation back to Howth Castle and Environs.
How I’d love to live in a world that isn’t dictated by dollars and alarm clocks, the routines of the day to day ─ the routines which come to define who I am, but are nothing but tedious ─ to live in a world wherein I’ve time to think: to sit down and be careless of the deadlines and tasks on the calendar, to be able to appreciate the glory of the earth; the sacred beauty of the atmosphere before me ─ gallant yet gentle hills, dusky orange of autumn rolling forever, a magpie’s song and calmly flowing river, filling my lungs inhaling nature’s purity; god is in the air, a celestial holy salmon sky above me, heaven angelically beckoning my name; restoring my soul ─ of course, my endearing heart soon turns to ashes in my mouth as I’m second-naturedly reminded of the incessantly tormenting past dwelling in my skull, the involuntary, ceaseless stream of consciousness now pains me: being raised in the hellishly confining city vibrates a deep discomforting depression within me; the way I envision the untimely death of a perfect love might, I’m reminded this is my first and last try at life and that my youth is eternally gone, therein lies the hideous thought: there was supposed to be something else.
>>8095982
You're right, thank you. Also realized I should have used "settled for" instead of "settled on" perhaps.
A distant sonorous foghorn crept, hung in resonance over the moonlit sound; wakes and icy rolling waves tinted as dark green glass by the low moon, tide glimmering like a city skyline on the barely translucent, worn windows of an ancient tired cathedral.
>>8095976
Not the guy you're replying to, but what he's doing with tenses is more interesting than just using past tense because it happened in the past. It feels like the narrator's actually reliving the memory rather than just listing events.
>>8095984
I hated this until I took it seriously.
Good job, really.
>>8095997
>can't recognise where it's from
fucking neo-/lit/ pleb-babbies shitting up my board
>>8095984
This looks like it'd be fun to pronounce. I think you actually may have set the bar a bit too high for the rest of your book, to be honest. But it seems an interesting & ambitious way to open, as long as you can keep it up.
>>8095999
>people don't recognize a single line from Finnegan's Wake
>automatically plebs
Get over yourself you pretensious cuck
>>8096010
I'd be on your side if you didn't misspell pretentious tbhfam.
>>8096010
i've never read joyce and i immediately recognized it as him
>>8096010
>desperate attempts to defend his plebbitry
>can't even fucking spell
GET OFF MY BOARD REEEE
>>8095987
>alarm clocks
nobody uses clocks. consider "alarm tones."
>but are nothing but tedious
awful repetition
>wherein I’ve time to think
cut this down, nobody thinks in these kinds words unless they're a twat.
>careless of the deadlines and tasks on the calendar
cut this down. consider: "careless of all deadlines" and leave it at that.
>gallant yet gentle hills, dusky orange of autumn rolling forever, a magpie’s song and calmly flowing river, filling my lungs
Holy purple prose batman. delete delete.
>heaven angelically beckoning
This is tortuous. Too many consonants or something.
>my endearing heart soon turns to ashes in my mouth
Hearts don't turn to ashes in mouths. Words maybe, but if you're heart is in your mouth, wtf.
>being raised in the hellishly confining city vibrates a deep discomforting
Ok! I stopped here. Try reading your writing out loud more often because you have some issues with sound. You've got some of the right words there, but it's all jumbled up. Over all, this narrator sounds dull, or at least too dull to be introspective. Well, I assume this is fiction- make your main interesting, so that his or her observations are interesting.
>>8096023
>nobody uses clocks.
You don't use an alarm clock?
>>8095993
>purple prose as far as the eye can read
>>8096025
being sickened by plebs is totally allistic, faglord
>>8096033
i thought it was pretty tbhdesusenpaifam
>>8096026
People use a cell phone these days, no? With an alarm feature.
>>8096036
that's not the point you fucking clown
>>8096036
Whenever I've tried to do that, I always just wake up an hour after I was supposed to get up, with the phone buried somewhere in my blankets.
>>8095259
I try to draw a circle every day, just like the one on the previous page.
>>8096040
Unless this book takes place in the fucking 90's, then it should be changed.
“What do you do?” “What do you do?” “What do you do?” “What do you do?” The question haunts me. Everywhere I go. Outside a brunch place I’ve never seen before, an infant in a $6000 stroller turns its giant head to face me. What do you do? it asks with its eyes. Its mother gives it a piece of Swedish flatbread to gnaw on. “What do you do?” she asks me, tilting her head slowly like a bird. Her tone holds no real interest. It is as dead as the flatbread.
>>8096072
BONUS: “What do you do?” I ask the baby. “Policy,” it says in a grown man’s voice.
>>8096034
Do you tell your mom how many plebs you roast every day before she buys you tendies for din din, or does she already know how much of an internet wizard you are?
There were the old men with small coffees and pastel shirts who skipped church to sit in the park on Sunday mornings. They tried to teach me to play dominoes every time my mother took me there. I wasn't very good, and they chastised me kindly but urgently in Spanish as they took my worn plastic pieces and changed them around to help me lose less awfully. They sweated into their straw hats and I would catch the pained, frightened looks on their faces when I left them without really having grasped what they tried to teach me. It’s almost like they need me to learn. Like there were higher stakes than the pennies they loaned me to gamble with.
>>8095259
I am a young Irishman, eighteen years old, and the words of Ibsen I shall keep in my heart all my life.
>>8096075
no but i tell your mum
With a little practice, you can tell your future by crushing a mosquito onto your skin and reading the portents in the blot of your own blood
>>8096083
Adverbs are the devil, my child. Renounce all words ending in 'ly' and ye shall improve your writing tenfold.
>>8096083
Better writing than most if these, although you did cheat with multiple sentences.
At least your plot moves forward instead of standing around looking pretty
>>8096099
Here's a slight alternative, also i decided to add a word to the last sentence
>There were the old men with small coffees and pastel shirts who skipped church to sit in the park on Sunday mornings. They tried to teach me to play dominoes every time my mother took me there. I wasn't very good, and they chastised me in Spanish with kind urgency as they took my worn plastic pieces and changed them around to help me lose in a less awful way. They sweated into their straw hats and I would catch the pained, frightened looks on their faces when I left them without really having grasped what they tried to teach me. It’s almost like they need me to learn. Like there were higher stakes at play than the pennies they loaned me to gamble with.
>>8095734
Need an editor but I like the content.
>>8095259
Nothing is. A plane of existence apriori to all, heavy with submaterial substance. Inversions of Plato’s ideal as shadow forms that move in large and weighty silences.
>>8095259
Lolito, light of my life, fire of my groin. My sin, my hole. Lo-lee-to: the tip of the tongue tickling the three steps down the taint to tap, at three, on the teeth. Lo. Lee. To. He was Lo, plain low, in the morning, standing on four in one sock ;)
>The arrival of my eighteenth birthday was a tragedy
>>8096171
all them words and you ain't said shit
>>8095453
ARE
>>8096253
THE CHAMPIONS
They took you, NIghtman, and you don't belong to them.
>>8096292
that's a good hook
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way–in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.
The Hegemony Consul sat on the balcony of his ebony spaceship and played Rachmaninov’s Prelude in C-sharp Minor on an ancient but well-maintained Steinway while great, green, saurian things surged and bellowed in the swamps below.
Mrs. Dalloway said she would buy the flowers herself.
>>8095734
Name of the book, if you have one? Possibly a name to follow? Very pulling hook, would love to see if the rest of the writing holds up.
Terry was this big fat guy who shared a partition wall with me. I liked Terry. We’d be having a smoke outside, and talking, and he’d go,
“Man, I fucking hate, the Jews, the Muslims, the Whites, the Blacks, the Chinese, I fucking hate them all,” and then he’d turn to me and go ,
“I fucking hate you too.” and we’d have a laugh. Terry was a cool guy. Our job was shit, everyone knew it.
I gently tipped my hat like the formal bow of a jap as I excused the madame.
Maman died today.
Sitting on a bed inside a dark room, where the only light source is the screen of the computer in front of me, life trickles from my hands.
Sentado sobre un colchón en el oscuro cuarto, donde la única fuente de luz es el monitor de la computadora portátil que tengo frente a mí, la vida se me escurre por las manos.
See the boy.
>>8096307
name of the book is 'i just made up the opening for this thread and i have no actual book following it but now i might write one' it's the first in a quartet
>>8096329
If you made that up on the spot, then you're probably the most witty person on /lit/. You really should follow that up though, at least a short story.
>>8095702
thomas pynchon definitely isn't
>>8096332
it's entertaining but don't give him that much credit
it's literally just a spoof that's been done dozen of times before off Ice T's character on SVU
The day was breaking and now it was broken.
>>8096324
Gore Parallel
>>8096346
well i wasnt spoofing that but i know the meme and thus acknowledge the joke's been done before, which really hits me right in the creative ego. oh well
“It doesn’t make too much sense, gentlemen.” I belched through my nose and glanced over warmly at the two bespoke gentlemen standing before the piece, who stared at it with the same still intensity as before, stretching out for several seconds as if they were part of the portrait.
>>8096316
That's actually kind of entertaining, I like the rhythm of it a lot.
>>8096300
Satire? Could be hilarious
Why do real life animes always work at nail salons and are bad drivers?
Why are their eyes small instead of big?
I like to have sex with them for money.
They are gross so it's funny.
>>8095259
"Answer me, please"
>>8095429
It's actually a pretty common saying.
>>8095259
The artist is not pretentious. Nor does he brag about his condition; the artist simply, by his very nature, is.
>>8095330
Either you're trolling or you,ve been trolled.
My life got pretty boring after that.
>>8096509
two statements and both are incorrect
>>8096452
It's the opening of Hyperion by Dan Simmons
It felt exhilarating raping that fresh corpse, right brother?
>>8096452
Not him, but it's the first sentence of Dan Simmons' Hyperion.
I only read the first story of Hyperion. I'll probably never forget it, but I didn't want more of the same. It was quite depressing.
How old do you have to be before it's not weird to see an escort?
Do you think younger customers are insulting to her social status or otherwise unappreciated?
Mr Sniggs, the Junior Dean, and Mr Postlethwaite, the Domestic Bursar, sat alone in Mr Sniggs' room over-looking the garden quad at Scone College.
My greatest fear is that after several millenia the tortures concocted by Satan will bore me, and then he will leave and I will have no friends.
>>8096599
your having some fun with your nouns huh senpai
>>8096599
waugh pls
>>8095942
It's glorious
The raindrops whipped down on the black pavement , the reflection of the streetlights pared thousands of small glass pieces.
excuse for poor engrish, not a very good translation.
It was a Rat.
Man oh man remind me never to give a fuck about any of your opinions again this is all fucking trash
''Look, over there!'' - A distraction.
>>8095429
hahahahahahahaha
>'FUCK YOU SON OF BITCH BASTARD SHIT!' Rajeet shouted, throwing his head set to the floor and storming out of the call centre.
An excerpt from my forthcoming novel: Bengali dilemma
>>8095734
Actually laughed aloud.
Any more?
Streetlights illuminated the cascade of rain falling through the city, bringing a dull brightness to it’s usual darkness while neon lights flashed on and off, reflected in puddles and windows, adding a good deal of color to the otherwise colorless cityscape.
A screaming comes across the sky.
The sun brings no warmth to the Russian steppe.
>>8095259
Opening paragraph for my little novella that I tried writing:
It was a cold August 2nd. Colder than normal at least. Most of the trees’ leaves were weakly taped to their wooden hosts. It was a windy August 2nd. The kind of wind that makes you remember to fix your hair and close all your zippers.
>>8095734
> I don't know why you always have to tell me about the crimes of pedophiles in the most roundabout and sickeningly graphic yet wittily ironic ways you can find
change this line to something shorter and punchier and you've got a 10/10
>>8096244
I suppose if I had posted more it would make more sense, but it's a lot more functional than it looks. It goes ahead an sets up the first scene and the objects of that scene. It isn't just idle philosophical meditation. But I could see where you are coming from. I know where I'm going with my words, but I don't know if readers will have the patience to go with me.
>>8097297
>8
Thank you kind sir! It's my first text, I will follow your advice and get good!
>>8097389
git gud*
faggot
>>8097284
>August 2nd was colder than normal.
Fixed it for you. The line about the leaves and the zippers is fluff and doesn't add anything.
>>8095259
>«So four dragon dildoes are the limit for a human anus before the subject dies of blood loss», said Jessica pensively scribbling in her notebook.
>>8095429
Jesus... I actually cringed. Do you really think this shit is original or insightful?
>>8097253
>it’s usual darkness
>it's
Fucking Christ kill yourself.
It was late evening when He arrived.
It is February 15th, and Quinten de Veylder is drunker than he should be at 10.42 p.m.
>>8095500
Underrated post
>>8095716
I used to read Word Up magazine
Salt'n'Pepa and Heavy D up in the limousine
Hangin' pictures on my wall
Every Saturday Rap Attack, Mr. Magic, Marley Marl
I let my tape rock 'til my tape pop
Smokin' weed and bamboo, sippin' on private stock
Way back, when I had the red and black lumberjack
With the hat to match
Remember Rappin' Duke, duh-ha, duh-ha
You never thought that hip hop would take it this far
Now I'm in the limelight 'cause I rhyme tight
Time to get paid, blow up like the World Trade
Born sinner, the opposite of a winner
Remember when I used to eat sardines for dinner
Peace to Ron G, Brucey B, Kid Capri
Funkmaster Flex, Lovebug Starsky
I'm blowin' up like you thought I would
Call the crib, same number same hood
It's all good
>>8095500
Lold
It was the fourth time this glorious cycle I brought forth and presented a slain carcass of our sworn enemies when the king had decided he had had enough and banished me from the calming realm but for what reason, I did not know.It's about a kitty cat who has to stay outside for bringing dead mice in the house.
I suppose that's what happens when your father was a Marxist.
It was of a night, late, lang time agone, in an auldstane eld,when Adam was delvin and his madameen spinning watersilts, when mulk mountynotty man was everybully and the first leal ribberrobber that ever had her ainway everybuddy to his lovesaking eyes and everybilly lived alove with everybiddy else, and Jarl van Hoother had his burnt head high up in his lamphouse, laying cold hands on himself.
>>8098207
I cannot dislike a post with the words 'kitty cat' in it.
11/10
No really though. (this is also the last sentence)
>>8095259
It's like being in a state of nonexistence.
>>8095259
"As he watched his father slowly being lowered into the ground, Antonio Selbst couldn't feel anything"
>>8098207
I unironocally like dis
>>8098228
Calico!
>>8098288
I like it.
>>8098442
That's because you're stupid.
>>8096321
go away Albert.
>>8095689
Goat
>>8095500
Nice double-dubs and also nice joke.
En un lugar de la Mancha, de cuyo nombre no quiero acordarme, no ha mucho tiempo que vivía un hidalgo de los de lanza en astillero, adarga antigua, rocín flaco y galgo corredor.
Visions of suffering at my own hands waltzed through my mind, each with a sober lucidity.
>>8098689
Nice meme
>>8098735
bad
To August, the dining room seemed too high up.
>>8095259
“Just do it” I thought looking out at the vast mural that the buildings paintied on the night sky “Jump”
My aunt, the resident white out addict, heard through the grapevine that someone's birthday was right around the corner and at that age I could not fathom who or what she was talking about.
>>8098747
It's the best book ever written, not a meme
>>8098803
Well... not really but either way, it's not the first sentence of your book
It was done, though it would take some time for the absurdity of it to sink in.
Right now it's "Supposedly, the first spot the sun touches in the entire United States is the easternmost tip of Washington County, Maine."
I know it's dogshit, but it's so dogshit I don't even want to bother rewriting it yet because it hurts too much to read.
I'll scrap it eventually.
>>8098839
it can either be great or shit, idk where you're going with it
>>8098288
>"As she watched her father slowly being lowered into the ground, Antonia Selbst felt her uncle's hand under her skirt."
now we're going somewhere
>>8098845
It's a frame story - I was originally aiming for a sort of abandonment/transition aesthetic but it just didn't work.
>>8095259
I'm just a normal teenage boy doing my thing, at least that was until THAT happened...
>>8095259
It was the best of Grimes, it was the worst of Grimes
>>8095282
Is the book your diary tbqh?
>>8095259
And that's how I got my dick stuck in the ceiling fan.
>>8095259
When I was sixteen, I bummed cigarretes from bums.
>>8098855
Best sentence so far. I really want to continue reading.
This thread fucking sucks. The last one with this topic was amazing. Interesting and enticing intros. Everything here is just boring as shit 2bhfam
I refused to post in the thread, thinking that one of the posters was going to compile all the opening lines in to some shitty coffee table book.
All right how's this one:
"I suppose this is my confession, although I don't have anything to confess to."
>>8098914
Literally the worst one here.
>>8098907
where's yours, pal?
>>8098894
When I was bum, I sixteened teens for cigarretes.
>>8098925
When I was cigarettes, I bummed bum bum bum.
>>8098927
Bummed cigarette was sixteen bums bumming cigarettes for bum bum.
Anal mucus scum fuck
My open paragraph:
dick millagan's butt fuck cunt dick faggity shit bag lick sicker nigger fuck.
Dick shit geek sheikh boston cunty fag smoke. Arise! Arise! Cunty fag smoke arise!
Little butt slut but two too to eat smelly washings. Shilled be gone! over the top to arms!
How gloomy, he thought, to be a nose away from the current downpour, as if the rain’s heavy slosh were barring him from the world.
>>8098964
t. joycefag
Today I awoke to realize my girlfriend was Harold Bloom.
>>8095259
Inside the church there was a lonely man praying, Pedro Gasca.
There was fog, but not in the cool way, it was a primrose, hazy fog, the type that makes boys joke about the end of times.
>>8095679
fucking kek
>>8098991
>but not in the cool way, it was a primrose, hazy fog
Describe that part in a different way. Think about aesthetics here
