I liked it. The subject matter isn't all that unique but the meter was surprisingly good.

I liked it today and I will forget it tomorrow.

Start posting them on Hello Poetry. Poems like these are sure to get thousands of hits, easily.

>>8058206
>>8058210
Thanks?
I've written some other stuff, but I guess this one was most relatable

>>8058222
Thanks!! I'll give it a go

>>8058200
>instagram

Lmao. Tumblr is your target. Tag it as "poetry" or "spilled ink" to be lumped in with that vomit inducing sludge of watered down, she-nager, pottery. Insta followers my man

>>8058200
a blunt doesn't burn itself up what are you talking about

what are you even trying to say? when you get intoxicated and then sober up you might find yourself or maybe not? the passover from the taking of drugs into waking up in a field is way off. the whole thing reads as you just thought "hey man alcohol and drugs are nice but who knows maybe they won't help me find purpose" - like everyone else who ever tried drugs before you - and then just put it in the simplest form you could muster in the five minutes you spent on this and then you hurried onto instagram to post it and get a pat on the head. writing to attention whore is going to produce inane bullshit.

it's trite and unimaginative. write about 1000 more poems before you shit up the internet with images like this. or at least keep to your containment shitholes like tumblr or whatever else the fad is.

>>8058304
Actually, this was about a friend that I had thought about for a while. Circumstances and empathy, ever heard of the two words?

>>8058206
what meter? there is no discernible meter in this

>>8058328
This

>>8058200
Not trying to be unnecessarily mean, anon, but this is a strong 2/10.

No effervescent language

No vivid imagery.

No really point.

Just a stoner's idea of a "deep" thought that is banal, poorly articulated, and goes nowhere.

Focus on imagery as a means to drive your message, build specific scenes, and avoid trying to be all encompassing and profound. You will undoubtably fail if you try to encompass an entire human experience in ten lines and your last name isn't Pound or Eliot.

>>8058325

Except literally none of that is evident anywhere in this mess. There's no real scene so circumstance is out and there are no discernible characters so there's no target for empathy, let alone language that would inspire empathy. Don't ask for advice on 4chan of all fucking places if you can't take people tearing you apart.

>>8058374
Never smoked. shit.
>>8058379
kek

>>8058206
you obviously have no clue what meter is

>>8058304
>trite and unimaginative
I was going to say this. As a fervent drug enthusiast, I also think the way you depict drug use itself is extremely clumsy.

>>8058325
>this was about a friend
Ah, that makes sense. This is a superficial, imitative kind of empathy. You are trying to depict a series of potentially quite profound, intimate and unsettling human experiences from an outsider's perspective. You've never experienced the annoyance and unease of trying to read the news while nodding on designer opioids and having microsleeps mid-paragraph, or the focused and cerebral, yet short-lived and ultimately unsatisfying blueballs rush of cocaine, or the total whorish subversion of your entire emotional agency under MDA, or anxiety over the social impairment of weed at a crowded party, or a full-blown psychedelic crisis. And you don't intend to explore these experiences without having them. You are intent on keeping drugs at arm's length and it shows. This is not empathy.

The last two lines are kinda cliche, "pills" makes me think SSRIs, "potions" again communicates ignorance rather than imparts the sense of mystique you seem to be after, and I keep getting disrupted and confused by "field" in line 7.

>>8059256
>inb4 Nietzsche's discussion of wounded pride vs wounded vanity in Zarathustra

>>8058200
"Poems" like these make me want to vomit.