What's her name, /lit/? Write a passage about her.
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What's her name, /lit/?
Write a passage about her.
>her
heterosexuality is not /lit/
LOLA GTFO MY DREAMS REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
I don't need to write about her, she is writing me.
>>7951201
>tfw no she
I want to fall in love again so bad
>>7951201
HEY WHAT'S UP I DON'T GIVE A FUCK
AN
E
MORE
YOU WHORE
*cash register sample*
I wish we'd meet up by accident again, we could talk and I'd explain
I'm not who I was at seventeen
You have your memories now
Of a kid that didn't know
I want you to see
I'm not the loser
I used to be
Whoever you think is the greatest writer to have ever lived is not worthy of writing a word about her, let alone myself.
>>7951245
hey thats not bad
For sale: engagement ring, never worn.
>>7951245
This is good.
Reminds me of that somebody I used to know song
You were but a month older, you made we want to be bolder,
But all it took was an absent year
to turn you to a portly, bull dyke queer!
>mfw I could have stopped this
;_;
>>7951262
Anon, those who get corrupted willingly weren't worthy to begin with.
Nora.
My little filthy Nora, my lovely littlr fuck bird! You had an arse full of farts that night, and I fucked them all out of you ; Big fat fellow, long windy ones, merry little cracks, lots of dirty nasty little farties, all ending in a long gush from your hole!
>>7951268
Brb fapping
Coupled
I changed, for the better
Uncoupled
I changed
>>7951245
Ayyy that's pretty good
>>7951275
I should say though the 'I want you to see...I used to be' rhyme is really overdone, like i've heard it in shitty pop songs since whenever, but if you really did spend 2 minutes on it i'll let it slide
>>7951235
When you get to this level that's when you know the real struggle. Pining away for an unattainable manic pixie is a blessing in comparison.
>>7951276
That's exactly what I was thinking, like a line in a pop punk song. But yeah, it kind of just came out of the blue. These 'write about her' threads always make me feel like I've got something to get out of my system.
Her ghost exists. That much is certain. Even if this life is just a dream, it’s impossible to doubt that, once—in a deserted, foreign country, beneath a starless sky at midnight in the garden, in a time that knew of nothing but forgetfulness and emptiness extending on beyond the most remote horizons of the world—I know that I once knew her; once, I felt her warmth against me; my hand rested on the trellis; it felt rough against my palm; I held her near me; she was soft.
>>7951279
Just make a tulpa
>>7951297
kek I remember reading those threads on /x/ and always wanting to try it but I was never motivated enough to put the effort into actually trying to make one.
Sup, Polly? Yea, the new gf doesn't try to kill herself all the time, so I think she's a step up from you. Maybe you should try harder next time.
>>7951256
I know that feel
Margie,
I don't miss you all the time, anymore. Now, it's like there's an invisible imp following me around and from time to time leaps up onto my shoulders and whispers angry, sad thoughts and memories into my ear. I was always so angry, so jealous, so unbalanced. I should have--could have--been better to you. What it boils down to is you were a good person. I am not.
I'm so sorry
You should have stayed. I know you didn't have the atar for anywhere in Sydney, but you should have just done something else. I know I'm a dick for wanting that, but I can't help it. I don't even really like you that much, you've just annexed some part of my subconcious and I feel like I need to fuck you to get you out.
Also your boyfriend looks like a retarded frog.
>>7951334
Thanks faggot
My biggest regret is not even learning her last name.
>>7951345
no problem you queer
>>7951368
Hey man, you seem pretty alright. :)for a homo lmao
Her name's Alli. I went crazy and thought she was the reincarnation of Mary Magdalene. She won't talk to me anymore.
Fun fact: one time I prayed really hard that God would write her name on the pyramids so she'd believe me blahblahblah. Next day I look at the one dollar bill and see 1776 written in roman numerals on the pyramid, which is "alli" upside down. Spoooooky. Cried today, miss that girl.
>>7951383
>loving a whore
I love you, you told me
a year ago, I wish you still knew me.
However much you used me, time still struck me deeply since time kept the love and all im left with are the words.
>>7951425
I love you, you told me
a year ago, I wish you still knew me.
However much you used me, time still struck me deeply
since time kept the love and the words are still with me.
>>7951297
Either you are mentally stable and fail or you are mentally unstable and go full schizophrenic. I don't know which is worse.
>tfw I can actually make loads of philosophical puns with her name
>completely paranoid that she'll see it somehow
also it would be really autistic, I'll just write something more normal
Money, I wanna marry you
You know I really need you
Remember that day you left me
I couldn’t believe it
Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn’t think
I couldn’t do shit without you
But them birds up under that sink
Stretch 'em out, that’s what Young Scooter do
Every hundred pack I get I bury bout a brick or two
That’s just for the drop
Whatever I get, that shit get ran through
Drugs in the south, I made drugs out west too
Take a chance for that paper, that’s what money do
I saw you the first day of the new school year. We were in the same scholarship program, along with 50 others. Our glances matched for just an instant before you turned your head. You were curled up in the corner of the deep velvet sofa, glancing around the room with your hand to your chin. You seemed so bored for someone about to start their adult life.
To my great regret, I thought nothing of you. I turned my attention back to my friends and promptly forgot you existed. I wonder if you were still paying attention to me.
Our program leader came in and had all the freshmen form a line. I was an upperclassman tasked with showing the fresh meat the ropes, so naturally I went down the line and introduced myself to everyone. "Hi, my name is Anon. Hi, my name is Anon. Hi, my name is Anon." Handshake. Handshake. Handshake.
Midway down the line, I reached you. You gave me a coy smile and shook my hand firmly. I paused. All of a sudden, I couldn't find my words.
A couple of seconds passed, and you were the first to speak. "Is your name Anon?" The dimples in your cheeks burned themselves into my brain.
I smiled. "No," I replied quickly with a chuckle, and I resumed my introductions.
The next morning, I was eating breakfast in the cafeteria. I was sitting alone and playing a mobile game, when you approached me. You asked if you could sit across from me and, without looking from my phone, I said sure.
You introduced yourself formally and talked excitedly about your major. Biology. You loved plants and birds and wanted to work in a national park one day. I didn't say much at all as you were talking. You had the kind of passion that grasps a person, consumes them whole.
Even still, as you talked, I found myself growing uncomfortable. My palms felt slick, and my heart ached in my chest. Every time I moved or said something, I felt like an idiot compared to you.
Unluckily for you, you asked me what my plans were for the rest of my school time. I muttered about how I just had the major all of the sports people had just so we could get easy As and graduate with our Bachelor's. I looked back at my mobile game and half-listened to you say how awesome that was.
A tall guy asked to join us. You made room for him before he had the chance to finish his sentence. I felt relieved, and then you asked me what I was doing on my phone.
"Oh, it's a game called Clash of Clans," I said. You replied that you had no idea what that was, and showed me your rugged flip phone with a resigned shrug. The guy started gushing about the game, and I quickly joined in. Finally, I was in my element.
And then you spoke again, and I was drowning.
>>7951538
I would reply to you, but I only looked at him when I spoke.
After a while, you stopped talking. He and I were deep in conversation about something you didn't understand and I didn't bother explain.
"Well, I think I better get going," you said after a bit. Your plate wasn't cleared. "It was nice to talk to you, Anon. I hope we can see each other this year." And with that, you left. That guy joined you, and I was left with my bowl of soggy cereal.
I haven't played Clash of Clans in almost ten months.
We never talked after that. You were a freshman, I was a junior. We only saw each other during lunch and dinner, and even then we only gave each other a passing glance. At least, yours was passing. I often just stared at you.
Whenever we'd get close, I would start humming like an idiot. I didn't want to speak, but I wanted you to hear me. You never paid me any mind. Or, maybe you did and thought I was stupid. Either way, we'd walk back to our tables and no longer exist to each other.
You were holding hands with a guy I had never seen before one day. Your fingers, twisted between his. Your smile, directed at him. My heart had jolted at the sight, but I wasn't sure why. She's cool, I thought. Of course she would have a boyfriend. That didn't help me any. You left laughing with him.
Easter came, and I saw you sitting alone. Even from where I was sitting, your eyes looked raw and puffy. I wanted to go over and say something, but my heavy heart anchored me to my seat. One of the counselors came by and sat with you, so I started watching television.
You stopped coming to the cafeteria for a while. It was two weeks before I saw you again. You were thinner and paler, and you no longer laughed with your friends.
The school year ended, and I went on with my summer as if I had never met you. Soon, however, the calendar approached August, and I found myself thinking of you more and more. My stomach would do backflips at the thought of seeing you at lunch. I imagined approaching you when you were alone and asking if you wanted to grab Starbucks later and hitting it off.
You didn't join us at the scholarship group.
I saw one of her friends sitting alone in the cafeteria. I found myself approaching her, and before I could stop myself I said "Hey, you're friends with Olivia, right? Where is she?"
Your friend looked at me with a sad smile and said, "Her family life isn't good. It made her so depressed that she had to be admitted. She had to drop out, she got so far behind."
I couldn't say anything at all, so I just nodded and walked away. I don't think there has been a single more upsetting moment in my life than when I learned I will never get to speak to you again. I didn't know where you lived, I didn't know your last name, and I sure as hell didn't have your number.
I can't drink anymore because I just think of you when I do. I'm sorry I never talked to you or tried to help. I just hope that wherever you are right now that you're happy.
>>7951545
:)
If you still write for girls after the tender age of twenty you deserve to be cucked to be frank.
I held you this morning, kissed you closer
You're packing your bags right this second
Leaving for a bit, I'm following for a bit
Then I'm heading home, then you're coming back
Back to not your home, because home is gone
Leaving for three years, two hours by plane
I can't wait to fuck you in public again
>>7951249
cuck
guys just stop it already. i mean really.
I wish you'd pee on my dick
and choke me in my sleep
>>7951490
can you make any philosophical puns with the name sanzhar?
I got married. I'm 25 years old but I've always been pretty conservative I guess and my girlfriend is someone I will always care about. She admitted when we spoke about it once that she isn't really interested in the whole "date various people in your 20s then settle down in your 30s" thing and so I asked her to marry me and we were wed this February gone. I guess we're still in the honeymoon period but still, I've had to focus on finding us an apartment to share and so on so my writing has taken second place, plus I'm just too happy right now to write anything that isn't more terrible than it would otherwise be. She supports my ambition and has said she is happy for me to take a year off working to focus on writing and that if we have to go without for that time and only have one wage coming in she's ok with it. She really is special. You won't imagine my surprise each morning when I wake up and realize she doesn't exist IRL.
I'm sorry I never said I love you.
>>7951597
no lol
I'm so much smarterer than your gf. She's so dumb and doesn't even write. We both write. We can talk for hours about books.
But she's sweet and kind and supportive and I'm lazy and bitter and a general cunt.
Here's the shitty shit I wrote real quick when I was sad.
I like you.
I like the way you occasionally make me feel special.
Sometimes I think it's a curse to feel special when I know I'm not, really.
But I want nothing more than to justify feeling special with you.
I just wish I could make you like me again.
Once you went black, you never came back.
>>7951790
Even on /lit/ we can't escape the BBC meme
anna. arne't they all named anna?
>>7951245
THE LAST THING,
I WANNA BE
IS OVERLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Eras tan hermosa: tu cara de ángel y tu cuerpo de ninfa. Tu voz dulce y tus chapitas coloradas iluminaron mi vida como ninguna otra luz que hubiese tocado mi alma. Te vi convertirte en una mujer maravillosa y admirable. Inteligente y noble; y llena de voluptuosidad como pocas. Supe que fuiste a vivir a la ciudad de los ángeles, en donde obtuviste tu grado. Después subirías a los Campos Elíseos, en donde atrajiste a más de un hombre con el imán de tus gracias. Ligera y dócil. Para siempre eterna. Brillarás siempre en mi corazón la luz de tu recuerdo. Gracias por no envejecer. Gracias por dejarte sacrificar en París, aquel trece de noviembre, a los veintinueve años. Tú, siempre serás mi dulce princesa.
>>7951201
I loved you too
I wish you knew
>>7951201
For you, my love, I was not ready
For you, my love, I spilled my spaghetti
For you, my love, I regret my weakness
For I, my self, was so speechless
>>7951245
>claims not to be a loser
>posts about getting dumped on a little girls cartoons forum
>>7951201
Lately I have been thinking about the sole and first girl I loved since elementary school. I wish I took her virginity back then, but we belonged to 2 different world, with her world far better than mine.
Her foreign accent drove me crazy all those years. She barely noticed me explicitly and once, she even mocked me directly.
15 years later, she must have chosen to be taking by god only knows how many men and perhaps even laid children sustained by some rich provider
She is not the kind of girl to fall in love, at least not with most men. She is the kind of girl who is smart, she was really the brightest pupil in the school, and not dumb enough not to know her nature, the one where she loves to spread her legs, without pretending to romanticize things, and get into open relationship with no kids.. this or she is completely asexual and wonders if she can love like all the sluts in society and movies.
I went by the Druid stone
That broods in the garden white and lone,
And I stopped and looked at the shifting shadows
That at some moments fall thereon
From the tree hard by with a rhythmic swing,
And they shaped in my imagining
To the shade that a well-known head and shoulders
Threw there when she was gardening.
I thought her behind my back,
Yea, her I long had learned to lack,
And I said: ‘I am sure you are standing behind me,
Though how do you get into this old track?’
And there was no sound but the fall of a leaf
As a sad response; and to keep down grief
I would not turn my head to discover
That there was nothing in my belief.
Yet I wanted to look and see
That nobody stood at the back of me;
But I thought once more: ‘Nay, I’ll not unvision
A shape which, somehow, there may be.’
So I went on softly from the glade,
And left her behind me throwing her shade,
As she were indeed an apparition—
My head unturned lest my dream should fade.
>>7951201
My beautiful girlfriend, currently reading The Recognitions tucked into bed on a rainy day before we go to our Shakespeare and Kafka seminars, writing your O'Connoresque stories about depression and waiting rooms, how I love you, I can't wait to travel around Southeast Asia and New Zealand together in a few months.
>>7952257
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Oh succubus,
Solitude tastes sweeter
than your snatch ever did
>>7952259
Sorry she's just perfect, I'm really lucky. She's a genius, we're both on full rides to school and easily one of the most beautiful women you could ever see. I'm very happy /lit/.
>>7952278
Kek, I remember this feel.
She knows it all already, no need to write paragraphs. She's my gf btw senpais.
>>7952278
>and easily one of the most beautiful women you could ever see
liar liar pants on fire
>inb4 she's butiful 2 me
>>7952393
nah dude. you really wouldn't believe it. she straight up is the pgoat, it's intimidating to everyone, it really sucks for her some times because people have a hard time talking to her or becoming friends with her. i wouldn't post a picture and there's no sense in making you believe this on here, but yeah people tell me every day how lucky i am or can't believe it. pretty cool.
>>7952364
NORMIE OUT REEEEE
im ugly and poor and no woman will ever be attracted to me.
I hate this feeling of complete distrust
Our hearts have left our chests for wanderlust
Now I cannot believe a word you say
And you're feelings are so washed out and gray
I trusted once, you chose instead to lie
I love you still, you chose the other guy
I told myself that you were young, not cruel
I lost my sanity as such a fool
Please make your decision and make it soon
You keep saying this time's inopportune
But it keeps ticking until I depart
And I want to leave town with you in my heart
Let me forget you or know that you love me
Don't torment me with this purgatory
>>7951201
>I want to pull here close
>Then I want to savagely fuck her doggy with a cigar in my mouth and a bottle of whiskey in my hand with a streak of white lightning under my nose.
>I also don't know who I'm talking about
>I just haven't had sex since new years
>>7952407
The reason I posted that is I have not once seen an anon say something like "my gf is soo beautiful guise" and then they describe some attributes or even post a picture and it's just fucking nothing.
>it's intimidating to everyone, it really sucks for her some times because people have a hard time talking to her or becoming friends with her.
Yeah I wish you'd post her and if it's actually true, have my innards crushed.
>>7951245
Whiny as fuck
smells like /r9k/ itt
camel toe camel toe
smells so good
camel toe camel toe
sit on my wood
bounce on up and come back down
in your pussy juices I'd like to drown
camel toe camel toe bald and smooth
all I want to do is run my tongue in between that groove.
À l'hauteur de ma vie, comme dieu, tu apparus
Tu reviendras au bas, je suis convaincu
J'ai besoin de toi ce soir, tu peut rester sur
Ma vie quotidienne est assez douleureuse-
sans tu, ma chère soeur
>>7952485
Yeah sorry, I wouldn't post her face on here, she hates people looking at her and would really hate that, sorry anon. She looks a lot like Amanda Seyfried but with a more proportional face to the rest of her body and nicer hair. Also like the blonde girl from Game of Thrones (we both don't watch but people stop and ask her if she's her every now and again, the one played by Emilia Clarke.)
>>7952554
>is gorgeous
>doesn't like people looking at her
>Amanda Seyfried
Not bad.
>>7951595
mystery.jpg?
>water sports psycho schizo
>>7952278
happy for you, anon. god bless ur future, i wish u n urs long life n happiness
>>7951201
Alix
She's disgusted by me because i'm a disgusting human being but i'm holding onto my feelings for her because I don't know what to do.
I really put all my fucking eggs in one basket.
>>7952278
Good for you, not in a sarcastic way. If my life were that good, I'd want people to be happy for me
>>7952608
>why all the salt pal
Trying to help you out anon, if a guy sent me that I'd laugh. Stop taking yourself so seriously and things will get more natural
Don't put her or any other girls on a pedestal until you're formally together, else it's just weird and you come off as vulnerable. And even then be careful when you do. I wouldn't do it, but a lot of girls use that to manipulate
Taylor,
I love waking up and coming to bed every night at your side. You support me like no one ever has and you've shown me mercy when I was a useless fatso with nothing to my name. We're both improving every day and I'm so excited for our future adventures. I hope you'll be home soon so I can hold you and we can watch Kiki's Delivery Service or something together.
>>7952630
I wouldn't send that to anyone, I shit those lines out in like two minutes, and I'm not putting anyone on a pedestal. I don't need your little lessons buddy.
Sophia please come back, bend your back, I want to take photos of your ass.
>>7951383
Go on. What kind of mental illness was this? Have you recovered? Exactly how did she react?
>>7951383
>1776 written in roman numerals
You mean MDCCLXXVI
Or I VII VII VI
I don't see how this spells alli upside down?
>>7952709
Never mind, you meant that you saw the Roman numerals for 1776, and 1776 upside down is her name. My bad.
>>7951201
Schlamm.Enger Weg. Der Weg ist eng. Sie geht voran. Sie redet über polnische Filme ohne sich umzuschauen. Ich schreite über den Dreck. Die Luft ist rein. Ein Treibhaus in der Ferne. Letzte Nacht hat es geregnet. Schritt für Schritt, nicht in den Schlamm treten. Ich berühre ihren Rücken. Sie bemerkt es nicht. Schlamm. Gehen wir durch den Wald oder nehmen wir die Straße? Wir nehmen die Straße, weit genug um nebeneinander zu gehen. Nach der halben Strecke zünden wir uns eine Zigarette an. Mein Feuerzeug klemmt. Sie geht weiter. Sie bemerkt, ich liege zurück. Sie wartet. Wir möchten Heim. Zurück zur Station. Wir sind geistig krank. Sagt man uns. Ich träume von ihr. Träumen ist schwierig.
Wir kommen an. Wir setzen uns auf die Terasse und rauchen. Sie möchte in ihr Zimmer Yoga machen. Ich möchte auf mein Zimmer lesen. Wir trennen uns. Wir verhalten uns wie Fremde. Abendessen. Wir verhalten uns wie Fremde. Sie isst ein halbes Brötchen, Ich verschlinge Müsli. Diät. Wir rauchen. Netter Tag. Netter Tag. Ich seh Sie in ihrem Abendkleid. Ich rauche. Sie raucht. Ich bin verliebt. Nette Brille. Ich mag deine Brille. Ich liebe dich.
Ich habe letzte Nacht von ihr geträumt und bin zweimal aus dem Bett gefallen. ´Sie hat ihren Hut getragen. Sie war in meinem Alter. Sie hatte einen Freund. Mir war es egal. Ich habe noch nie jemanden zu einem Date gefragt. Ich habe Sie auf einen Kaffee eingeladen. Ich bin verliebt. Wir treffen uns. Ich bin glücklich.´ Sie schwimmt gerne. Ich bin Dick. Ich trinke zu viel. Ich kann nicht aufhören. Träume sind Träume. Ich bereit zugrunde zu gehen.Ich möchte lesen. Ich hänge fest. Ich lese alles zu Ende. Ich hänge fest. Mein Leben hat keine Aussicht mehr. Ich bin fast 30 Jahre alt. Ich habe alles versaut. Ich bin weinerlich. Bitte mach das es aufhört. Ich möchte reich sein. Ich will aufhören zu Träumen. Hier sind wir jetzt. Unterhalte mich.
Frühsport. Ich fange ein Gespräch mit der jungen Praktikantin an. Sie ist süß. Wir reden. Meine Spaziergefährtin unterbricht uns. "Kannst du den Knoten an meinem Ärmel festbinden?" Ich knote den Knoten. Wir laufen im Kreis.Es regnet. Sport in der Halle. Wir rennen im Kreis. Massage Therapy. Mein Penis schwellt an. Wir bedanken uns für die Massage. Wir sind verhalten uns distant danach. Ich könnte mir in den Arsch treten. Bei mir klappt gar nichts. Ich hab nicht verstanden warum Sie mein Gespräch mit der Praktikantin unterbrochen hat. Ich denke zurück. Ich könnte mir in den Arsch treten. Ich mag Sport-Therapy. Ich geh gerne mit ihr spazieren. Sie baut Ton-Figuren für ihre Kinder.Ich koche. Ich mag Therapy. Kochen macht Spaß. Ich möchte nicht nach Hause. Ich bin Zuhause. Ich will zurück in die Klinik. Es ist gemütlich dort. Draußen ist böse. Ich trinke. Ich bin betrunken. Ich muss zurück. Ich sterbe. In der Klinik sind die Leute normal. Draußen ist es merkwürdig. Ich mag Sport-Therapy. Ich habe ihren Knoten geknotet.
>>7951201
with my screams in anger and your tears for solace, I cant take you back, ven though we both want it. badly.
>>7951201
miss you.
I've grown taller now.
I want the police to be notified.
I'll make it up to you,
I swear, I'll make it up to you.
I miss you.
>>7952736
>Ich habe letzte Nacht von ihr geträumt und bin zweimal aus dem Bett gefallen.Ich hasse deinen Stil
Don stepped outside
It feels good to be alone
Her name is Joke (pronounced yo-kuh).
Bear with me, I don't know what I'm doing.
Here goes:
When you're eight
And I'm eight
I run to and from
With and without
Outside and in
Always around
You walk from here to there
Not far, but not along
And still
Clear as sunny sunny day
>>7952090
>Elíseos
I used this in one of my poemas too, familia. love that word.
>>7952770
Just realized OP said "passage", not "poem".
Oh well.
>>7952736
Eigentlich gut, aber findest du nicht auch, dass du es mit den abgehackten Sätzen ein bisschen übertreibst? Nach vier Absätzen ist man ein wenig genervt davon, was schade ist da du eigentlich ein paar schöne Bilder im Text hast.
>>7952278
Nice. You be sure to give her the dick good and hard or else she'll leave you.
>>7952776
its okay to write a poem
>>7952278
I'm so jealous I could swallow my own tongue.
Cherish her.
>>7952696
I'm on my phone cause I'm b& on my laptop so i won't be bothered to go through too much detail (also there's a huge copypasta I've posted on /x/ about my escapades through jail and mental hospitals) but basically here's the story. We went to college together, she two years ahead of me. I crushed on her hard the first I saw her when I applied to be on the literary magazine staff. The way she put her boots up on the desk and and slightly smile every time she said something, also pushing her eyebrows up a little. When we started meetings for the lit mag it was over, I was completely in love and completely obsessed. She barely said anything and was often drawing or writing poems or writing notes to her friends, but when she did speak up it was utterly decisive and usually convinced the group of her argument. Unfortunately, I was in a relationship (an extremely abusive one that would take me two years to get out of). Anyways I leave that relationship, tell her I like her a lot even though at this point she has a boyfriend and is about to graduate. Nothing happens but I feel "at least I did it."
Not sure how much space I have so I'm gonna continue with next post.
I need you, but I don't love you. I can't stop myself from answering craiglist ads with the headline, "give my wife what I can't." I can't imagine not waking up to snapchats of your cat.
I want you to be happy, but not because I'm a good liar, or because I call you princess while choking you out. There's other people that'd love to do that. I'm just afraid that they won't worship you, like you deserve. Every good cum-sleeve deserves to be spooned and whispered to in their sleep. I'm just afraid that you'll settle for less.
I can't wait to see Zootopia with you this weekend. I haven't decided if I'm going to fill up your belly in the theater or when we get back. Part of me doesn't want to, because this has to end. Thing is, I know I will, but it'll be because you ask me to.
After it ends, I hope you can hate me. That'd make things easy for you. I can't do that, though. I worry about you too much to hate hate you.
Here's to one last week, princess.
>>7952485
>then they describe some attributes or even post a picture and it's just fucking nothing.
Have you never been in love anon? I wouldn't have described her as beautiful before I loved. But now, I would, not that I would tell anyone she is, because they would know she is not.
>>7951201
she succ me
>>7952839
A few months later once school starts again she comes back for this big party where all the freshman have a dance competition. I get a text from her asking where I am and when we meet up she starts crying and kissing me. I can't think of a better kiss than making out with the girl the girl you love tears bouncing off your lips drunk in public. We go back to my room, I throw on Elvis, buddy holly, and she wants to get down. I said I wanted to take it a little slow because I have crazy feelings for her. So we lay around in bed making out and doing light stuff and talking for a few days and it seemed like we were both completely amazed that the other person existed and we were so happy. I don't know, it was amazing. Anyway she goes back to her hometown which is like an hour and a half away and we talk/text constantly for a month. We visit each other a few times and I thought it was going really well. I met her parents and they liked me a lot and we went to a concert together. I get a text from her "it's not gonna work out I'm not doing a long distance relationship thing again." The thing that hurt the most was I got this text moments after getting her letter saying "I just got off the phone from telling you I love you for the first time. And I mean it. I love you Ryan. And I'm laughing to myself thinking of having kids you. (they're probably gonna read this. Hey kids!)" We both really liked kids and I always thought we were gonna have one together.... but then she turns around and says what we had together wasn't even a "real relationship" and that we didn't break up.
Fast forward a few months of me crying everyday and for some reason I start watching Eyes Wide Shut obsessively, and start noticing crazy patterns. Somehow I come up with the idea that Stanley Kubrick crafted tom cruise's entire life for that role and other crazy bullshit involving PTA and pynchon. Honestly I don't really remember what it al came down to but it ended up with me in a car driving towards Alli, phoning her and screaming "WHEN I WAS A KID MY DAD THREATENED TO KILL MY MOM AND IVE SEEN THE END OF WORLD AND MY DAD IS GONNA KILL MY MOM AND MY DAD IS THE SUN AND MY MOM IS THE GODDAMNED EARTH" and "HOLLYWOOD IS CONTROLLING OUR DRREAMS BUT THEYRE ALSO TRYING TO WARN US SO THEYRE OUR BEST CHANCE" stuff like that blahblahblah "YOURE THE REINCARNATION OF MARY MAGDALENE." She said "Ryan you're scaring me" and that broke that goddamn heart.
Few months later and her friend starts working for pinecones fucking wife and that threw me off bigtime, ending up trashing my apartment and going to jail and the mental hosptial, suicide attempts blahblah. And after all this she has never once asked me how I was doing or if I was okay..... like I don't know. I feel like I'm not too crazy now except I'm thinking about the afterlife all the time. I don't know..... I miss her.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HdAfTbOSKOI
>>7952900
This is what is tragic and beautiful about love.
>>7952918
>And after all this she has never once asked me how I was doing or if I was okay
I'm sure you know why, now.
I just read this book named Eleanor and Park and it fucking killed me guys. Has anyone else read this book? I actually don't even know how to deal with this. It reminded me of everything we went through together. Just two stupid kids.
>>7952933
I don't know, I mean I know I fucked up big time but it's been like two years since then. I've tried to reach out, apologize, try to normalize things but I get no response. I feel like if this happened to someone I cared about I would keep my distance a little but I would contact them and show support
>>7951201
>I was thinking about writing a suicide note to our son. 'What can I say that will make everything alright, that he won't think that he's to blame?' That kind of thing. It's starting to upset me, I was looking at him, thinking about it, and getting upset, because I felt, 'I really need to do this. I really need to top myself because I just don't like this any more. I just don't like the whole thing, I'll wake up every day and I won't enjoy it, and then I'll go to sleep.'
>>7951202
Look, if you want to live your life as a mentally ill faggot who ends up hanging himself then you fucking do it.
But the majority of people here are straight.
>>7952950
>I don't know, I mean I know I fucked up big time
That's not what I meant at all.
>>7952274
My last gf said all of the following to me: 'I'm hungry for your soul,' 'I ate my own soul,' and 'I just ate part of your soul.'
I feel your pain brother. Actually, I probably feel it much more than you 2BeeH.
>>7952977
k man watchu mean then
>>7953026
>I have no idea what to do about that.
Are you stupid?
>>7953026
>I can tell she wants to get married but I have no idea what to do about that.
Don't get memed into not marrying her.
>>7953037
>marriage
>meme
Cultural Marxist pls.
>>7953113
Not being able to read seems difficult.
>>7953131
Double negations will never not unfuck me. Not.
Mae, this city is no place for an indian and i'm too close to the liquor store to make it this time. I walk down there and see them. Reeking of booze. They speak their broken language with hands out. I give away what I can spare before I buy my poison.
And her face still appears like a ghost everyday so i drown it with vodka. Last I saw her I held her at a funeral and we cried. Threw dirt on my best friend. Both of them visit me every day now. Friends. You'll never get them back when the time comes.
I'm not allowed to ask you how you are. But there's a prayer in my heart for you everyday. Whether you're dead, estranged, or still around. There's a prayer.
First one in the liquor store. Buying hundred proof schnapps. Talk to the clerk. She puts a face on the restocked item. Smiles and i leave for my three dollar an hour job.
Park and wait for the boss to arrive. Open my firewater and stare into traffic. In twenty minutes I'll have seen a thousand people going about their lives. A thousand people.
I drink my burning water and wonder how often we've passed. Wonder if you could be the muse that inspires sobriety. Wonder if you still remember my birthday. If you remember my name. Wonder if we met, would it light enough fire in me to stay in your concrete world.
Stand for twelve hours over molding wood. Washing dishes. Learning to hate mexican music. Twelve hours with a few off for coffee. Stink up the coffee shop with my molding boots and sweat. Hear the white people talk about travel, about life, about careers.
We are apart forever now aren't we? Back in that town of five hundred we could live but not here in the white world. We can never meet again. You belong to the world and i belong back on the reservation.
A thousand years apart and i'm excited for the next funeral just so I can see your face. Tell you of the books i've published. White Owl wrote his book and the crowd went wild. Our friend is dead but i pulled my life from ruin. Isn't it wonderful Mae? Isn't it wonderful? Now we mourn but i don't mourn no more because i stood back up.
Chinaski spent a decade in that post office and I spent a decade in that kitchen. Ain't it beautiful now? Ain't it?
It aint.
>>7952736
Well done, Sebastian.
>>7953129
life is long, anon. you gotta be sure about someone before making that commitment. be sure you're both developed as individuals before even thinking about it.
>>7953001
>last gf
Smart move pal
>>7953164
I tried to think of all the shes. Their features caricatured indelibly in my mind: Meredith's bashful smile; Sara's penchant for keeping secrets, shrewd Elisabeth's dry wit. I look for a corner of my mind to sweep them in--close the door--lock it forever, but in this circular torture chamber of memory, there are none to be found.
And then, I remember her.
Her soft hand that finds mine, wanting nothing more than to comfort me. Her stubborn urging against my static solitude, like a puppy begging to play outside. Her lips slipping back into a smile just from a shared glance.
As I gaze into the void, her hands eclipse my view as she covers my eyes and whispers, drawing me deeper into our world--this world--and away from the slowly shrinking puddle of the future my memory wishes for.
>>7952762
i feel this
My thoughts are bedrock and she keep dripping. Jessica is a slut and her heels have scored drunken passages through my garden. They cut the worms in half and now she’s at the door.
A decade of different faces, now just a tingle in my scrotum. There's no 'her' for me anymore.
five years seperate she calls in the night
her crying still sounds the same
For sale: trojan condom, never worn.
>>7953650
>using protection
>>7953650
Worst condom name ever desu, first thing you think of is the sperm opening a secret hatch and flooding the vagina by surprise once they're inside.
>>7953665
Did you make that up, or is it a bit from a stand-up comedian?
>>7953682
I honestly think that every time someone mentions the brand and ask myself why no one else mentions it.
>>7953690
Yeah, it's obvious once you think about it, but almost no one does. Hence, perfect fodder for a stand-up bit.
Temperate fire, speak once more to the tumult of my heart and make clear that the insolence of my loins is a burden weighted down by this girl in my class who I really like, I mean, I haven't talked to her or anything but she's good looking and I think I could have a chance with her, even if I am a virgin,right?(hahahahaha) So rip out my constructed constricting golden tongue pierce and pierce through my eyes as blood bursts through my pupils like the squidgy ruby jelly seeping from the hollowed out bones of a lamb's devoured carcass engulfed in the jostling mob of rooks pecking apart the remnants of their new-born feast. Stamp on my feet and spit in my face and peel the flaking belt leather skin of my chest into your porcelain palms. I want to chew on the fibrous tumult atop your skull, a flower of deadly belladonna, the sunlight shimmering in snake-skin suddenness over your moonless-night hair. Plunge your matryoshka face into the graceless grey mesh of mine so that the pair of glistening tricolour orbs beneath your brow peer into the damp. Maybe afterwards we could head to the orchard for a walk, it's nice there when the weather's good and it said today on the news that it's meant to be decent this week so I mean if you'd like to go talk to me later, and maybe then you could raise your plump fingers tipped by sapphire nails to me so that I may be grasped and felt by another. I'll remember to give back the book that I took from you.
>>7952962
not that guy, and not gay, but you are a little bitchboy cunt if thats how you feel.
>>7952962
>he thinks /lit/s pussy thirst is guys
m8 did you even start with the greeks?
>>7951201
When I first met you, I was your customer.
We were friendly for a time. And it was good.
I asked you for your number and you gave it to me.
All of a sudden you don't have time for me.
Our conversations are getting old.
You stopped talking to me.
I liked it better when I was your customer.
Why'd you die?
>>7951235
With time, it'll come again, anon. Trust me.
i want put me peanus in yor as
I'd never seen a ruby set alight so warm
At the sight of such a charm in living form
A treasure, mute, breathing
Veins, pulsing blue, calmly
And every second passing by
Twists the wind along my chest
For the eyes are still blinded with the lie
Screeching, "This dance is not a jest!"
she was in my dream last night
now i am sad
>>7954321
>Why, bros?
because what the fuck are you gonna do about it
there is no single soul-- only amalgamation
i first feared it was lust
i fell for the feint and the thousand hands gripped my heart from within as i gazed up
weren't you leaping there? golden haired love of the soon fading forest
>>7951201
i fall into your arms
not because of the aching feeling
the silent unraveling
of my heartstrings;
but only to
feel the touch of your skin once more.
though your skin has dulled
with the grey of a hundred aimless nights
your veins lie writhing
blue worms in your hands
jagged lines
though not as prominent
as those made on my heart
i trace the blueness with a finger
and reach into its origin
then i hear the years of unrequited waiting in a screaming voice
rushing like a river beneath your skin
your soft skin
but then i feel
your lies.
like skin
they embody what is within
hiding what is underneath from my probing fingers
i make contact.
with the cause of my many tears
shed at the sun’s mournful sleep
after she narrowly misses the moon each night
she rests her head beneath the curve of the earth
for the futile wait;
just maybe
there will be an eclipse
Fuck her, I'm gay now.
>>7952522
Thank you for snatching me from the jaws of defeat before I kept scrolling.
Suck it losers
>>7951201
>What's her name, /lit/?
Not saying. I'm shy. I was tempted to write in Irish, it's what I usually do because I'm embarassed. I've had a load of wine thought so I'll do it in English this time. I'm a shit writer though.
You set me to conjuring starlets and larks.
I'd imagine myself as a fenian harper and
I'd suck on my thumb and await inspiration and hope that you'd come when I found it.
How many of us loved her? and how many knew? we'd come out from the trees, birches, rusty and slender and silver in hue.
You came from bare bones
Taiga, toothpicks,tacks, thorns
Wise men were behind you and gentle men.
Wild women, steely sea eyed ones stained in colour from Astrakhan to Isfahan, every step of the way.
The sea is grey in Galway, the sky is grey and the stones are grey. I fear there's not sight left in you for such a place.
Anyway, sorry if this is kitschy and/or cringy and doubly sorry if it's just banal shite. Like I said I usually write in Irish.
paul said it better than i ever could
Hey Jude, don't let me down
You have found her, now go and get her
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better
Hey Jude, don't be afraid
You were made to go out and get her
The minute you let her under your skin
Then you begin to make it better
>>7952522
nah /r9k/ hate women. This is pure /lit/ faggotry.
I can't tell if she's actually cool and a good match for me or I'm just cling onto the little bit of attention she gave me. I guess because she wanted to fuck me at one point makes me feel wanted.
you don't think much about me
You don't know me
You come from Italy and will be going back soon
I talked to you only briefly on a couple of occasions
You are older than me and it makes me feel inferior
I probably am
Goodbye, I probably will never see you again when you go home.
It hurts me badly and yet I know with great conviction you won't remember my name.
I don't think you know my name anyways.
Have a good trip home.
Bye.
>>7954602
gud references
What is this Irish meme
>>7951201
Ana, no huuyaaaaaas de mi
Por qué, Ana, corres de mi amooooooooor
Si yo nací, para amarte
A tiiiiiiiiiii, Ana
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaana
You keep using words like realistic. You're merely a defeatist. I am done.
looked like this, only prettier and less slutty
>>7954898
>What is this Irish meme
It's a language. Not many people speak it anymore because we were cucked by the English.
I like to write in it because not many people online understand it so it gives me an avenue to vent.
Misanthropic minx, with her foul sink
And to hell I sink, lusting after her
The stench of that derelict woman now
Effects delerium, lust in this louse
Forgive my iniquity you who see
The terrible man I have come to be
The fault is hers, the victim here is me
That pussy be crazy yo
>>7954602
I fucked up the formatting. Shit.
>>7954948
My mother comes from Northern Ireland but that entire side of my family left to America during the troubles in the 70's.
My great grandfather spoke it.
I always wanted to visit the Emerald Isle.
>>7954963
>I always wanted to visit the Emerald Isle.
It's beutiful but kind of depressing too. at least in the west.
Chiara you probably think I'm ugly and lacking in social charisma.
But you have a nice ass, and I would love to cuddle up and read with you with my hand firmly planted on it.
I love you although you don't know me in the slightest. My Lesbia, my Juno, my maiden of Rome.
I guess I will await the nights sleep for it is the only time I can be with you. The dreams of rest are often kind to me.
>>7954975
You seem sad and melancholic my Irish friend, what is troubling you?
Not gonna say her name,
The way she plays, the soft sounds of music as she runs her fingers over the keys. It's one of those moments, hearing her play. Just me and her. I like to think of it as a miniature piano recital. At first I would just try and read my book, keeping her company was what mattered during the time. But I always put it down so I could focus on the music. The soft sound of music. Not just any music, it wasn't just any type of music. It was Ash music. And that was my favorite type of music.
Out of no where it seemed
Sitting next to the girl of my dreams
I thought everything was fine
But you obviously thought it was time
With those 6 words you ripped my heart from within my chest
Saying you thought it would be for the best
You latched on to me in silence
My heart raced
My vision blurred
I will never be the same
Ever tried driving a bike in tears?
if I was a Steppe horseman who had come down from the fold with a mighty host, and laid waste to your country and your people, I would take you as my concubine and return home with the spoils of war.
We could of had a nice life together, you and I.
>>7954987
I've been drinking wine all evening. I often get melancholic when I drink alone but I don't mind it. It's the kind of bittersweet melancholy that's powerful and life-affirming as opposed to the lazy emptiness of sober sadness.
I feel disheartened and demoralised when I try to write. I live walking distance from WB Yeat's towerhouse and Lady Gregory's barony. Máirtín Ó Cadhain lived just the other side of Galway city and Brian Merriman lived a quarter of an hours drive south. I'm surrounded by many of the finest musicians in the Irish tradition, the rocks and stones are seeped with stories and songs, there are tales of gods and fighting men writtwn with reference to my shitty village and the king who lived there. It's all very depressing knowing I'll never be as great. I probably don't have the heart.
I'm actually in the US at the moment. Everyone here is dripping with optimism and enthusiasm. It's bewildering.
I actually thought he might have mentioned me here. I know he's here. Fuck.
>>7955016
Do you want to be my gf
I'm lonely
>>7955026
I'm a monster.
>>7955088
Monsters have been known to make people less lonely.
hi, the names Jeffery.
LT:
>>7955088
Das ok bb. We can have sum fuk.
>Your hair is winter fire
>January embers
>My heart burns there, too.
I loved you,
Did you know?
I should have told you,
But I was too slow.
>tell me what you think koments below.
>>7955100
Are you trying to get me dry?
her hair is copper blonde
my dick is a rock hard dove
peace in your pussy
rosetti bitch
I am a drizzle
She is a hurricane
>>7955131
I am not even a drizzle, just a goddamn nizzle.
>>7955114
It took me all fucking day in the library to come up with that.
>>7955137
Pizzle p pizzle dum
Lemme put my hand on ur bum
>>7955137
wan2 fuk?
YOU'RE NOT MY REAL LOVER
>>7955143
Yes bb.
kia ora should i talk to her Y/N
i would like to but also the situation is delicate
Her name is the only token I keep, so I’ll keep it for myself.
We were both sides of a broken mirror, incomplete reflections, separated by clockwork paths and flesh prisons. We were perfect everywhere, filling every empty spot like rain water or the naked moonlight. Perfect everywhere but in each other arms. Too complete to work together, too flexible to catch ourselves. I knew her bed as if I was a part of the mattress, the pillows and the messy sheets. She knew mine as the dream one use to abandon there in the thorny awakening. To lie down forever, to melt in that motionless peace, to waste a life where fate and luck and Hell and Heaven were just shallow promises scattered through the nothingness behind the bedroom door was something we couldn’t do. Something we couldn’t be. So now I live because she’s everywhere but here, chasing light at every moment, but avoiding that beautiful fire. We are willingly lost in the right places, and everything (but us) is fine that way. Everything is just fine. After all, we’ll always be too close to be together.
Every time I look at our chat logs
I go crazy and the fog creeps back in.
Or its more like a haze,
Or a static,
Like that of a television
Left on for days in my head.
I see your floating 'seens'
And 'unseens' even when you're online.
Like that time, I sent a message
And you didnt respond for hours
But I could see you active in the group chat.
And because you're distant
I'm distant too, and I don't know
How this current trend started,
If it was me,
Or you,
And we're both just dodging,
Oblique and nebulous,
And insecure
And insincere.
If I could condense all my feelings
Into the size of an iphone's touch screen
And then, throwing it into the ocean,
Claim it stopped working on its own,
I think I would
Since it would be easier
Than deleting Dani from my phone.
>>7955226
bart's reaction to this garbage is perfect
Everyday I wait for the bus
everyday I pretend not to look
if she's there
sometimes I hope she is
sometimes I hope she isn't
but everyday I look
and everyday I wait
for her to look
and she doesn't
so I wait.
So that happened.
Guess it was dumb,
Some parts were fun
But yea,
Guess I messed up.
Jess
You stole my copy of The Dispossessed and my heart you Trotskyite bitch
I remember every morning I would watch you come in. It was the same ritual. You would slide off your shoes and sit cross legged in your office chair. We would talk about our lives: your boyfriend, my girlfriend. We would laugh while my eyes ran up your leg, I could only dream of my hands tickling your inner thigh or of my fingers rolling the gauze of your panties down your legs.
I also remember this: the two of us on the spalled tarmac. I've quit my job and I'm moving away. We are quiet. The only thing that hasn't been said is what can't be said. I want to kiss you.
>>7955226
>But I could see you active in the group chat
21st century literature
As children, we hid behind the fruitful vines. The sun stared into my affection’s eye and we smiled confidently, without apprehension. This was some years ago, but on those days when the golden rays search and seek out the withering shadows, I would remember lying where she had—in the leafpile impression. My eyes searched for her feeling in those leaves, but only the rich scent of wet dirt would meet my skin. Leaves once warming in impression turn to a betraying stab as soon as her clicking bicycle sped up Montgomery Hill. Around the curving pines, through the mountainous hills on Asward, and onto her own road, Rauley, she used to ride. I would watch every time she left our beaten path and count the seconds until her fair brown hair was out of sight, and I would write this down in my tattered book.
These old haunts reminded me of those times.
>>7956642
whew m8
>>7956642
Elizabeth made it better than it actually is
>>7952278
Haha you will still die alone hahaha just like me hahahaha everyone will hahahahahaha
>>7953950
Machbar isses wohl.
>>7951245
This was good until the end and then it went directly into the trash.
We spent so much time with one another
I met your brother, your father, and your mother
We exchanged cute papers of love
Even now, they are what I can not get rid of
My jokes sucked
And yet you yucked
We shared our warmth
We shared our dreams
But we weren't as close as I thought, it seems.
Nine times is the amount you ended it all
Each time later, you came back full of gall
You begged and sometimes you'd even cry
And every time I would believe your lie
I had no money, nor a car
Yet you always made me feel like a star
But with each time you shattered my heart
My love for you never broke apart
But now I see, as clear as the skies
You wanted a reaction, you wanted a rise
I never screamed at you
I never cried, not even after break-up two
So each time you came back, hoping to win
Hoping to break my facade of a grin
Sp then why
Do I still love you?
>>7956785
May I give you some advice anon? Don't worry about rhyming at this time. Try your best to be descriptive and economic with your language. When you are comfortable there, then you can concern yourself with rhyme and meter.
>>7952278
My god, she is going to destroy you
>>7956798
Thank you, anon. I don't really write poetry, so advice is appreciated.
Ever since you’d left,
I’d done nothing but rest,
A world outside keeps me in,
Out there wait memories of you -
Of times when,
We strolled down long paths,
And shared stories and laughs,
When I’d first hugged goodbye,
And thoughts of you warded off feelings of die,
When we’d first kissed,
Each time leaving me feeling blessed,
For I’d never loved a girl so dear to me,
Nor brought anyone else in this world,
Anywhere as close to me, as you were so near to me,
I lay here under covers to keep myself in,
And remind myself of a different time,
When the thought of you didn’t make me cry,
Even now as I am reminded of a different time,
You lay here next to me,
A space empty without you,
But the memory of you here not far gone.
>>7956758
I know, I'm going to try and fix it at some point.
>>7951201
The funny thing is, even a month ago, I would have responded to this. Even though we've been broken up nearly two years now, and we haven't spoken at all in a year, it still hurt. It still ached every time I saw something that reminded me of heartbreak. She was still constantly on my mind, and given a prompt such as this, I could have written pages upon pages about her, about how she made me feel, all shot through with heavy sadness and regret. I wouldn't have been able to resist doing so, in fact. I spent every weekend going over our relationship in my mind, wondering how I hurt her, marveling at how badly she hurt me, feeling abandoned, and knowing with a sad, bone-deep certainty that I would never love someone so completely ever again. A question like this would have sent me to a dark place in my head for hours, perhaps even days.
But today, I saw this prompt, thought about it, and without even feeling the need to resist at all, concluded "Nah, I'm tired of tormenting myself over her." And I found that, in fact, it was becoming difficult to even remember, even understand all the pain she caused me, difficult to even call to mind the emotional reasoning I had. In fact, I can only dimly recall why I even loved her. It's all so far away, buried in the past now, and I'm not even sad about that.
I guess this means I'm pretty much over her.
thanks i guess, at this point.
>>7951245
shit
>>7953650
>trojan condom
i don't get it. troy was defeated. it was eventually infiltrated and penetrated. their defence was therefore a failure.
this is a terrible name for a condom because it implies that it will fail.
>>7956856
Or on the other hand, maybe it's cheekily implying
> Wrap your dick up in this and you'll easily slip past her defenses
>>7952918
> "YOURE THE REINCARNATION OF MARY MAGDALENE."
>implying reincarnation is orthodox
She was right, you're fucked in the head
>>7956856
It's to imply that either the cock or the condom is the horse of troy, I would imagine
>>7951245
You should write for a Midwestern emo band
The last time I saw her was at her friend's funeral. I wished I had talked to her, because we had been separate for so long, and due to the nature of our relationship, our love was invisible. The service was huge, and I tried as hard as I could not to glance at her too much for fear of revealing myself. But like Anna Karenina at the train station, she was like the sun, I never stared directly at her but I nevertheless saw her.
I wonder how she's doing now.
>>7953913
did you even read what he said
>>7955100
This nigger stole this from Stephen King's It. For shame, anon.>still my favorite book tho senpai
I'm going to marry Christine
You waved and smiled at me while walking on the sidewalk. I didn't see you until it was too late to react. I should of stopped and talked to you and asked how your spring break was going. But I kept walking.
I love you.
>>7956804
No it's unfortunately going to be the other way around, she's much more in love with me than I'm with her and it hurts me how much she loves me and how much of a jerk I am for not feeling the same amount back, and there's no reason not to because I couldn't imagine a more perfect person for me.
If these frail arms could grasp you one more time, they would feel so strong.
>>7957125
Not the same person, but this is precisely why you will be destroyed
>>7957125
>>7957134
This guy is right
I had a relationship like this too, where she seemed perfect for me but I never could quite feel the same way back
She could sense it, I think, and eventually she left me because of it. Well, I made her very unhappy, and finally told her to leave if all I did was make her unhappy
It wasn't until she was gone that I realized exactly what I had lost
It's been years and to this day I haven't gotten over her. I still see her face when I close my eyes, sometimes. It kills me to know that she will never again look at me the same way that she once did. I will never again see her face light up with love and happiness just from seeing me. It KILLS me, anon. And it came awfully fucking close to driving me over the edge. I can live with it now, but it's going to haunt me forever.
I am begging you. If you want to be a happy man, love what you have.
>>7957123
>should of
>>7951201
I wish I even had someone to be miserable over.
>>7957125
Now, anon, I don't know you, and can only loosely extrapolate from what you have posted, but here are my two cents.
Your sentiment that you don't love her as much as you should, and that she is the perfect person for you, would indicate just how much she fills your being. Were she ever to break up with you, it would be devastating - You have built the ethos of your relationship on you not being good enough for her, yet you still think yourself in control, because in your view, she is enthralled to the relationship by her love.
It seems like a fraudulent facade, when you say that you don't really love her that much, yet you spend a post describing her as perfect, a genius and beautiful, completely elevating her from the flawed human being she no doubt is. You try to love her with all your being while fronting the illusion of being more aloof than you really are about the relationship.
It sounds like a great deal of your contentment is based on her continued love for you. She has become a part of the core you would describe as your person, which is why she will end you when she is no longer there. If she loves you so much, less than you love here, then what will you feel when she leaves?
On the other hand, I may just be talking straight out of my ass, and you'll have a perfectly fine relationship with a manageable aftermath. But please, be careful that you do not base your worth on her love alone. Tell me, dear anon, do you have something in your life that gives you great pride, that makes you feel accomplished, beside her?
>>7957193
Damn..
Kitchen bitchin’ got me snitchin’ on the wordless word,
creeps, cretins, my temperament is in a whir, hope ya’ heard
that I’m sprayin’ forth rhymes so keep ya’ door closed
‘else I’ll pillage ya’ ears, cement ya’ fears, from my lexis y’all be hosed
with apathy and indifference, inundated to inane games, trivial ways - case closed
don’t expect my neutrality to translate into respect, I ain’t got none
neurotic, robotic, strung-out and hung-out like a gormless bum
feet first, hands last, clasp your breasts into a vice and I’ll be done
all over the sofa, the living-room floor, shrieking I’ll smack ya’, and you’ll ask for more
only Viagra will fall out of my coat-pocket, my dick’ll down like a rocket - performance poor
never wonder that I might surprise with my excess joviality
it’s nothing but a lie, just like you and me
at least tell the difference between the real and the unreal
lest I string together the wrong combination of words and feel the end of ya’ heel
jagged like the stethoscope of some deranged doctor
whose freezin’ ya’ heart with words of no meaning, he’s got ya’
beggin’ for the Viagra, the NHS mobbed ya’
of self-respect, dignity, composure, and ya’ supposed to be blessed
with this socialist, most-of-it, healthcare, ya’ jest
the obtuse hissing and splattering and battering of my ear drum
this psycho bitch got me cornered with her uncanny resemblance to Mum
only I fire blanks into her womb
and she say, Joely, you cum’ to soon
fucking idiot, can’t sustain, or maintain, anything beyond a fragile sentence
don’t mean jackshit unless you got some pence
to treat her to opulence
- damn but I got no sense
frittering away, ain’t seizing no days, just wann’a lay
compromising, idealizing, and every girl I’ve been with just thinks I’m gay
so I try to explain, tell it slow, tell it gentle, only this one is mental
bounding in and out of my room, her tongue tastes of menthol
and the skin sags, she got the texture of a dish cloth
reminds me of my old day job, and I’m out -
this shit is done.
>>7951201
Who?
Your foghorn exhortations: thudding, flat-footed
'let me in you fucking cunt she’ll break your heart!'
a cowed, slim girl no longer willing to play the part
of the bird I’ve just pulled.
Your stony riposte to my salutation: wordless, cold
'well you say fucking hello to everyone else who greets you!'
my feeble thoughts constrained by the dour mood
I always seem to be in.
Your sickly lubrications: insincere, unfair
'if only the infinite milkiness of your voice laughed at my jokes!'
every time I see you such my unconscious croaks
as I stand estranged.
Your loudly bellowed condemnation: anguish, angst
'he needs to stop being such a self-pitying victim all of the time!'
cocooned in my room penning half-rhymes
I shake uncontrollably.
Your heavenly perspiration: heart-warming, fragrant
'oh the richest golden lock lies delicately upon your deserted pillow!'
more nostalgic than all the Runescape willows
I spent childhood cutting down.
My incessant masturbation: longing, more longing
'the contempt of your stare projected into the recesses of my libido!'
a paltry, unsatisfying ejaculation climaxing incognito
because you’re out for the night
>>7957340
Anon, I saw much of what I once were in this poem. It made me feel indignant disgust at the woman I once was infatuated with, and to some degree, still is.
Don't know why I'm responding. Your post struck a cord with me - kindred in spirit, you and I
>>7956910
yeah, it's not my fault he's wrong or that he needs a hetero atmosphere to live with his repressed urges
>>7951201
Her name is Stacy.
I normally only see her in class. I'm her (college) teacher.
One day she came in to the office for some help. She stayed for three hours as we discussed everything other than the work she came in to get help with.
She's gorgeous, but that's the most boring thing about her.
She loves her family. The sinkholes of brokenness that have swallowed most families have mercifully left hers alone. You can see how thankful she is for that when she talks about them.
One time a couple of years ago I saw some people laughing at a homeless guy. She came out of the student union with a plate of food and some water and gave it to him.
She's funny, too. If I tell a group of people that I babysat for her family, she'll immediately go into a story about the Superman puzzle we used to work on. There was never a puzzle and I never babysat for her family.
She's one of the very few people I've met who deliberately live their lives.
She has a boyfriend. I have a wife.
The semon demon of the
lemonaidestand delivereeee
makes fresh memes so we
are able to literally
>tfw not even a muse at hand
They were right there! Her feet, bare, and not just warm like body warm, but hot. She had just been dancing and was wearing shoes, but then her feet were sweating so she threw them off and went dancing barefoot on the floor where the dirt and grime from other people smudged on her damp soles. They were living, beating, pulsing, and so so warm and barely stinky enough that I caught it when I drew a slow deep breath trying to keep my cool. Right here on my lap, my cock going halfie, but there were people around. And I knew! All I wanted was to hold them, massage them, have her take them up and down on my bare penis tenderly and roughly somehow at the same time I don't know I was fifteen, and I wanted that when I shot out and came on her legs she would giggle and call me a nasty, dirty boy, and I would say I know but that is what I am, but I didn't. Chicken shit I was, we were in public, and were kids, and it was the one thing I wanted most in the world, but its always the one thing you want most of all in the world that you are most ashamed.
>>7957314
The worst part is, I was her first. And now, she's had other boyfriends after me.
Even if my dreams come true, even if she comes back to me out of the blue and tells me I'm her one true love, says she was never able to get me out of her mind, says that leaving me was a mistake, the sad, simple truth is that she will never be as completely mine as she was when we first loved each other. The awful truth is that now there is a distance between us now, forged by years of silence and other lovers, that can never really be bridged.
The harsh reality is that the thing I want the most - a life with her, a life full of the closeness and warmth devotion we once had - is irretrievable, trapped in the past.
She could come up to my door right now and pledge undying love to me, and it would still kill me - because whatever life we had now would just be a pale shadow of the one we could have had. We'd live a million tiny moments of sadness - tiny little moments where, in the world where we never broke up, we would have comforted one another, grown closer, while here in the real world, they'd just serve to remind us of the distance that grew between us.
The way things ended with her is, by far, the biggest regret of my life.
>>7957420
Pull a William Stoner and fuk her my dude
>>7957193
I'm really trying trust me, I think about that every day and know that no matter what something like this is probably going to happen.
>>7957312
And it does seem like a facade, but its the truth, I have a ton of stuff going on with writing, my job, artistic endeavors and more. She has only recently started to try to engage herself in creating stuff recently, mostly because I kept encouraging her (she's been depressed for years so finds it easier than anything to just read until she falls asleep every day or watch netflix if she doesn't even feel like that).
We actually almost broke up once because she felt like she was annoying me or keeping me away from doing stuff (which probably paints me as more of an asshole than I really am, it's just that I work and go to school so my free time I usually spend writing or doing other work for myself, we travel a lot and go hiking and camping but its just the little things like cooking together or watching TV every night that I say I don't really have time for), which wasn't true, anyway to cut to the chase we didn't break up because we just talked things over and ever since then she tells me every day to almost a nauseating extent how much she loves me and couldn't tell why she thought that way because she wouldn't know what to do without me (we've been dating almost since the first day of college when we met each other 2 years ago and she says that for the first time in the last 10 years or so she's been happy). I feel awful because I feel like most of the gap in the love for each other is because I pride myself on so much more work, which she doesn't, partially why I started urging her to start writing and doing artistic stuff again. Sometimes I feel like we really should break-up and cease communication for a while (which is impossible because we go to a small college, and she's said she'd most likely drop out, move home and start over at a state school because she'd have no real reason to be here) just because I feel like our relationship, which is really really close, is hindering her as an individual.
Guacamole
Never realized you could make a fruit
Taste quite like it does in this
Spicy, but never too much
Tart, but just enough to balance
my heart on pinprick needles
before it lands down my gullet
with all the rest of the tortilla chips.
When I ran I'd think about how I was a balloon clown deflating and that you were the hole in my side. I'd get home, sweating and fired up to tell you that I didn't need the pain you caused me, or that I caused myself when you weren't around, but we'd start talking and all of that would dissipate like the heat of my blood in the face of how idyllic we'd managed to make things by some unspoken agreement. It's amazing to see how far in love we can fall with ourselves in love, and it's nothing less than poetic that that's the reason we fell apart; that, and the fact that you got raped and that I was pathetic and still am pathetic, but I hear you're doing better now without me. Isn't it my job then to make sure things stay that way?
>>7957614
I'm going to give you some advice.
Ask for a break. Not a break up, a break. Tell her that you want to go a month or so without seeing her. She will be upset. She will probably cry. But if she loves you, she'll do it. Tell her it's something that needs to be done.
At first, you might feel some relief without her. It might feel good, not having to live up to that pressure. But as the days go on, you will start to miss her. Let that feeling linger.
And then, imagine what it would be like knowing that you could never go back to her. Imagine what it would be like to know that even if you did, she wouldn't love you anymore. Imagine what it would be like see the love she once had for you given to another man. Imagine all the little things she does for you, all the little things she says, the way she looks at you, the way she smiles after kissing you - imagine all those little tiny moments, those little tiny things it seems like she does just for you - and imagine what it would feel like to see all that go to another man. No longer for you - never again for you.
Imagine the life you could have had together. The years of loyalty, the devotion. The children, grandchildren. Imagine the family you could have raised. This is your one and only life - you won't get another chance around. Consider the future you could have built. Imagine what it would be like, having her at your side through all the trials and misfortunes of life.
Imagine the end of your life. Imagine facing death. Imagine the true, unending enormity of it. Feel your inevitable mortality deep in your bones. Is that something you want to face with a heart full of regret? Do you want to make it to that point, having to look back at your life, and wonder how it might have been if you had chosen to stay with her? Or do you want to face that final, awful truth with the knowledge that you loved, and built, and were loved in return?
If you have a loyal, devoted girl who you love, the single dumbest decision you could make would be to brush her off because of some foolish romantic notion that you just don't love her enough. Through the years you are together, you will grow to love her more, trust me. Men are like that.
Do not make the mistake I did. Never say you weren't warned.
I liked you
You didnt like me
I wish I knew why
I wish I didnt care
But now I hate you
And you still dont like me
>>7957748
This guy has the knowledge.
I'm proposing to my girlfriend of three years in 2 weeks.
>>7951245
lost me at "I want you to see I'm not the loser I used to be"
It worries me that now I feel more the fear of losing you than the joy of being at your side. There's really some fears you shouldn't have made me aware of, dear.
I still have words to say. Words you'll never listen, but I hear them everyday.
They keep crawling back, and there's nothing I can do.
So I accept it. I accept that it's all my fault, because maybe then I can forget you.
Maybe then I can move on, or whatever it is that happens when regret ends.
If it ever does.
So now I just keep waiting for the day I'll slip up, the day that I'll walk by that street and not remember you.
The day that I won't regret never telling you.
The day those words won't be on my mind again.
If that day never arrives, I just hope I can find you and finally tell you:
Stacy, I always knew, but I just loved you too much to care.
Still, I'd prefer you on your feet with him,
than six feet under with no one.
Sugar did look far sweeter, but honey would have never spoiled.
The tastes were the same.
I wonder if you've worn my shirt in his bed.
And I wonder if my smell filled your nose.
And I wonder if you have the same thought I do.
I wonder if this was all one big mistake.
>>7957521
Not to sound beta af, but I don't think she's into me. I think she's one of those girls that comes off as flirty when they're really just (too) friendly.
I did read Stoner a couple of months ago, though. I can't say it didn't remind me of her.
I keep telling myself, "I'm just not a part of her life," and it'll work for a while and then she'll come into the office and talk for a while.
There's a weird wall that gets built up between teacher/student, even in college. It's like most students you meet (like 99%) will only ever see you as a teacher. They can't imagine that you have a life outside of the classroom. Even if I were single, that'd be difficult to overcome, I think.
Of the different schools I've taught at, I've only heard of one teacher/student romantic relationship. The dude (teacher) was a sleazeball and the girl (student) was a psycho.
>>7951201
You're quite the Cutie 3.14.
Sometimes I dream about you,
please suck my dick.
Potato
Sitting and laughing at everything, loving my style, I'm loving her tits and ass, let's me fuck her in the ass whereever we are, pretty happy.
Fucking chris Christy. I love a european BB. American culture is absolute garbage. I only relate to Euros.
This girl inspired me to care about philosophy and now shes with some normie German guy. I am a superior normie by all standards. Me have Bigger muscles, probskis brain, more creativity obvs. My dick is VERY healthy, she would love my sex skills. If only if only.
I would move to Europe, but it would seem too desperate, I'll rot or flourish in Northern New England. Gonna make a classic neo-vaporwave album hahahahahahahalmao
>>7957748
I appreciate all of this. We're going to live away from each other for a few months here shortly and I'm going to propose this sort of thing, not a break-up just not the feeling of constant communication we might need. Thank you anon
>>7958880
rip. The minute after you tell her she will have 4 dudes on the way to gangbang her.
>>7958466
She doesnt sound like a keeper if you catch my drift.
>>7958934
What kind of grill would you want to keep?
If I'd been older
Or just wiser,
Or had known loneliness
As I do now,
Still would I have failed,
For it was my lust
And the love of myself
That took you from me.
Time, wisdom, isolation:
These bring only regret;
Never her.
Never Erin.
Many go through life loving only a dream and never regretting their mistake.
Enviable sleepwalkers! Would that I could mistake the paint of dream for the form of reality, and forget that nocturnal sketch of nothing, dreamed but once, but brighter and better loved than any crude shambler beneath the sun!
>>7959003
Thanks, friend :^)
Jin Hao
Her last name is Yao, which is more of a Chinese, Singaporean or Malaysian last name. She doesn't even look Filipino
too lazy to actually write something good, but I still think about her all the time even though I haven't seen in her years. We were coworkers for two summers. She hated me, but then again she sort of hated everyone. She actually got in trouble for being too mean to people. I don't know what was going on with her, probably just normal teenage girl stuff, but she was beautiful and clever and fit as hell. It hurts knowing that she wanted nothing to do with me, I tried but failed miserably. fuck me. why did you hate me aerin
I want to taste you Beth. Taste your lips afire, eyes widened in disbelief at what has happened. Both our beings entwined, gaping at this improbable but not all impossible dramatic exemplar of love in truth. Slight kisses down your face, your soft cheeks lush, pure to melt into thine bed, all wetted from our emulsive sweat, drenched in musk, odor a dew of passion, adieu to the restraints of your Catholic sensibilities...
Oh sweet Beatriz, my Tala, Goddess of stars that glisten in your eyes wet, filling in love, drenched amor of desire. As my tongue wanders to your earlobe and prods with invasive dexterity, the candles alight perform shadow puppetry against the lively curtains in varying rhythms. To taste thy breast and feast on thy skin...holiness expounds our complex history, the theories of ardor. Your sainthood shining, the sweetest spot granted to thee, a pluck and a drink of wine so fresh and fragrant from the altar, to read that mound with fortitude, thou catechism of the living works. Your lips apart my love, to caress and smell and lap up as the kitten grows in exactitude. Oh to enter! The holy of holies, eyes not apart from the other, two beings in coil, disbelieving. What has happened? The apex of all existence, of all being, that was the zenith of the all-something, to be inside her, to gaze on thee; absolution.
Desire rises and solidifies when I touch your body. Unbreaking glass of your spectral being can not be shattered by any person but mine own lithe rood of holiness, deified by your coronating embrace so wondrous. The taste and the kiss. A fire. The heat grows tenfold, illuminating our eyes in embrace, entering and exiting. Pleasure rises, reverberates and sections my soul. Cut off from all else, from all other stimuli. Just us two in love wholly, without abstraction or distraction.
I want to fuck you. To enter and exit without restraint, to hear you cry out and call my name, over and over, as the brown spheres amongst your angelic face widen in excitement, shyness, fear, love and mystery.
>>7952670
Eloquent.
Mary, you don't even have the right idea of me. I see you at least 3 seconds a day as you walk with your friend at first period of school down the hall. I've only heard your voice once but yet its like a record that I always play and its a favorite. I cant bear to think of you in a sexual way because you're simply not like that. Your head is full of brilliance, and I want us to share our brilliance together. I'd drop every whore that likes me and every since of pleasure. If it meant having you as my greatest pleasure
>>7959133
Got a very Nabokov-esque feeling, anon. Not bad.
Sara, Ally, Maria, Catherine
Samantha, Victoria
Bianca, Taylor, Sally, and Dawn.
Who haven't I fallen in love with yet?
>>7959162
Much appreaciated. Ever since I read Ada or Ardor I kinda fell in love with wild/lush prose.
>>7959154
>school
Doesn't this mean that you're either a teacher or underage?
>>7959169
I'm almost 19, I'm a senior
the girl is 17 and shes amazing boyish hair and an innocent face :)))
>>7959168
I've read your text again a couple of times now... It's crazy good. Keep doing that, and you'll probably get far. Not many people can grasp and do the wordsmithing so alike what Nabokov did and get away with it. Rare skill.
>>7959198
Wow, thank you.
>>7958961
A queen bee.
>>7959222
Isn't she a bit sexualised for a cartoon?
>>7959214
No problem friend.
>>7951201
she's a friend of my sister. 4 years older than me. But she looks nice and always has that sexy appearance whenever she comes to my house. I have always wanted to fuck her.
She was created by accident half a lifetime ago. While I languished in solitude, her form appeared before my minds eye. I could hear her voice as clear as day, and feel her soft caresses on my skin. Even now she resides in me. Her progenitor has been out of my life; hell, the modern day pictures of her are unrecognizable to me!
The Tulpa taunts me by merely existing and embracing me with a haunting ethereal love. It's slowly killing us both... at this point, we'll never really need to be alone if I'm alone, will we, Olivia?
>>7951201
Viktoria
She made me want to be somebody. Every one of her imperfections carries multitudes of beauty beyond perfection's reach. Waking up in her bed with dappled sunlight catching on the strands of her hair seeing her sleep peacefully with a smile was the single best moment of my life. The way she moves is tantric, we could comunicate with few words, I used to trace arabesques on her back. She sat beside me once whilst I cried for a day (whilst whilst I was wearing an actual fedora). When she left we both cried, I saw her last on the day that the world was supposed to end. She is pale and thoughtful, her eyes are beckoning chestnut pools. I'm going to see her in June.
>>7959597
nice john greene copy cat.
should think about writing YA
>>7951235
I have the same anon. I met girls I find attractive, but I haven't fallen in love for the last couple of years.
It started suddenly, a calamitous gale which scraped the brittle, herbaceous hillocks over which pendulous biennials dominated an enverated canopy. The raucous cacophony of perennial seedlings being unearthed. The rancorous, awkward lashings of disturbed vines. The swift crack, and belated topple of the forest buckling under its own magnitude. All formed an orchestra of unparalleled discord. The hellacious squall punished the landscape as it went, ripping soil from stone as flesh from bone, enveloping the hillsides in a brown mist, as if the clay itself had been massacred.
Fawn scattered as the rejuvinating, spry zephyr that licked the bark of great redwoods was usurped by an unrivaled champion of grievous
air, parting the monstrous trees like blades of grass. The forests grew silent save for the egregious scream of abhorrent wind, with the small creatures retreating to the relative safety of their knolls and embankments. Pine splinters and fragments of bark shrieked through the air, sailing the ephemeral tide to mete out arbitrary mortal reminders to those souls hapless enough to be caught in their path.
Take my smouldering, ashen hand
and lead, daresay, to foreign lands
But treat me not to the keen of eye
or bumbling fools, or tokenly spry
sequester my immortal coil
lay thine fire upon my oil
grant upon my lips your póg
and take me now to Tír na nÓg
I spend too much time going through our old pictures. Even though most of them make me cringe in embarrasment and a few make me want to scratch my eyes out in self contempt i can't contain my eagerness to go over them yet again. In a way i'm always doing it, just by thinking of them i see them come together in my mind as sharply as if I held them in my hands, and that is why i'll never be able to burn them. They will always be there, either in print or in my mind, reminding me of the stark contrast between the people we used to be and the people we really were.
It kills me that I was apparently never as much to you as you were to me
It's a very peculiar ache to think that, while I will always remember you as the one who got away, the one who I would have gladly lived my life with, you will probably just remember me as the weird guy you dated in college
I regret you because my foolish mistakes destroyed the chance of the life we could have had together. You regret me simply because you probably look back at our time together and say to yourself "What was I thinking?"
It's a very peculiar, lonely feeling to know that no matter how close you get to someone, no matter how well you think they understand, no matter how devoted you think they might be, no matter how much you think they want you, a few missteps can turn you back into a stranger.
Why is it that I can convince myself that you're the one that's meant for me but I easily forget you? Why is it that I can wrestle my mind to think that that there was never anything more between us than faint friendship, but then get tense in your presence? Why is it that even now, I catch myself with my fingers placed on my lips, imagining your kisses?
>>7951201
I saw autumn in her big, round eyes, a nebulous kind of day where the entire sky is obscured in grey. Her eyes were like ponds reflecting this sky, ponds with two inky black rocks at their centers, surrounded by splashes of algal green. In these grey-blue ponds float little orange flecks, fallen leaves floating on their surfaces.
The autumn went deeper than the imagery, though. Her heart had already been broken. Her spring was behind her and her summer abruptly ended, too young. Much too young. I lay awake at night, wondering what I could have seen in those eyes in the past, before I knew her. I wonder how she looked at him, and feel whispers of envy as well as the deep resentment that a creature of the forest must feel towards the lumberjack. How could a man be so crass, so careless as to crush such a delicate and beautiful thing?
She is past redemption, beyond recovery because she has decided that this is the truth.
If you have time anon you can read my story.
She was cute and naive, like all elementary school girls. But, she was my school girl and I loved her at the time.
It began, like 70% of all millenial relationships, online and behind the computer screen. Our interactions were abstracted by simple messages:
"Sup?"
"Nm, u?"
"Same"
As time went on and her character became fleshed out, and with our few Sunday encounters at the back of the usher's room at the Catholic church we both attended, I fell in love, not with her plain cuteness or the knowledge that I had a girl that could be more than a friend, but the fact that she was the first girl whoever gave me the time of day, who would listen to my stories over the phone, who would use me as her shoulder and her ear whenever she needed to vent. I thought, even back then, that this was as simple as a relationship can be. Two people relying on each other, comforting each other, being their for one another, was the basic fabric of any good relationship.
Our good friendship lasted for 4 months, over one summer break. Though we rarely ever saw each other in real life due to our strict household rules, we relied on the internet through exchanging photographs and long messages. Every day was a thrill, waiting for my inbox to light up red, indicating a pending unread message. It was almost an everyday ritual that she would call when her phone plan let her call for free after six; I'd be coming from a long day of playing outside with my friends, waiting for my phone to ring like a giddy school girl.
Until near the end of that summer, right when autumn was about to come, I flipped a coin with the question: "Should I keep her and make her my girlfriend?". That's when I learned that flipping a coin does not decide one's fate, because the moment it's in the air, you already know what you want. It landed heads on my palm and I called her and ask her to be my girl. She was the one, she was the first, she was happy and she said yes.
>>7951201
othing much changed, we still acted like we did, except there were pet names exchanged and reciprocated; there were mandatory good mornings, how are you's, and good nights. There were heart-to-heart talks on our insecurities and habits. We made promises and plans to see each other over the school year and it was this planning and commiting to that plan that really added depth in our relationship. You trust someone to fulfil their promise, you wait for them at your usual spot, trusting that they will show up, not to stand you up. It's a simple thing but often taken for granted. In our adult lives, most of our time is not ours as we study and work for a living, but back then we had all the time and we commited it to each other.
But, like all built up stories it reaches a conclusion. Whatever rises, falls. Whatever begins, ends. The end began when she started going out more, not to meet with me, but with her friends, just doing girl things at the mall and such. The first incident was during an overnight fundraiser where her school held a fundraiser for some cause, which asked for donations on the pledge that the volunteer will stay overnight without food and entertainment in the school gymnasium. It was 9PM and I never got a call; I hope you understand how much this feels to someone who's been getting daily dose of someone's voice and having that dose disappear just for a day out of the span of a year. I called her, with insecurity in my heart, and I hear laughter and an enclose space. She said she was in a tent, and there was a guy laughing and she was giggling too. I tried to talking to her about the usual, but she seemed distracted. She said she would call me back.
At 5AM, I waited, until I had no patience and gave in. She said she was sleeping now and there was the same giggling again. Later on I learned that she slept in the same tent as a guy, going in great detail how she was lying in the opposite direction, and her head was were his feet was and her feet was were her head was. Needless to say I was a jealous wreck. I never slept with my girlfriend before, but some random guy gets to?
>>7960317
Over time we forgot about it as we went to our usual routine. Except I had jealousy tainted in my heart and she knew, she knew for the growing silences we had, from the lack of enthusiasm and all of that. But then about 6 months later these incidents became more common and became almost weekly thing. She started getting facebook wall posts from random guys, calling her "baby", talking about how they had a nice time during their "chillage", and guys would ask her to call them etc.
Much to my chagrin, my young jealous, passion-filled heart influenced my mind, and I started imagining things that should not be possible, as I thought back then, in a monogamous relationship between two people. She started calling less and less, but she did come over more now that she has new freedoms. At least I got to be sexually intimate with her. But I realized she wasn't a virgin -- she claimed it was from her sport when she was younger, that her hymen had ripped during her athletic escapades. So, I asked her who were all these men, and she just said they were friends.
That facade became weaker and weaker, as people on her wall started calling her "baby", giving her ";)" smiley faces, saying how they missed her and wanted her to call. That was it, I had to call her and get an ultimatum. She wouldn't answer her phone, i called her 20 times in a row once. Until I cried, like a little bitch, knowing I was losing her to random Chads. But she finally called me, saying that she still loved me. I told her everything, all of it; me cring over jealously, me waiting for her call at night, me reading her facebook wall being filled with random messages. She understood and she just said: "We're young, we should be experiencing the world." That's when I asked if she cheated on me, she would always say no, but looking back, she emotionally cheated on me. She said, "I don't want to see you sad anymore, I still love you".
>>7960320
She didn't give me closure, only more to be worried about. At this point I was a wreck, I didn't eat, I could't sleep. My drug was being taken from me, and I have no patches or other girls to talk to ease my pain.
Until, one day, a friend of mine calls me, and much to my dismay, he saw her holding hands with another man, much taller than me, much more athletic. That friend became my best friend and she became my ex-girlfriend, in my heart at least. I wrote her a long letter on facebook about how I felt, and look, before I managed to send it, she had a man priting a date (usually kids obsses over when their official date was) on her wall.
I sent her a long message, paragraphs long, but the crux of the message was: "I'm holding you back. Go and have a fling with them, no one is stopping you, at least I didn't. I'll forget about you so you don't have to worry about me and being tied down to a relationship".
I stopped talking to her, I stopped calling her, I stopped thinking about her. Until a week later, she messaged me something long in return. IN addition to barely recognizing that the relationship was over, she was said she was sad that she didn't get a missed call from me. She was wondering why I didn't call her anymore. She knew but she wanted to keep her innocence.
I ignored her and that year on my birthday, she came over with a pizza. I liked the pizza, but I didn't like her. We didn't talk, I ate my pizza on the opposite room. The reason for my melodrama was because she didn't have it in her to officially end it or acknolwedge it was over. She wanted to keep dangling but I had cut myself from the bait. Then she proceeded to my bedroom and that was the line for me. I had to kick her out. She laid on my bed asking to be spooned from the way she looked. As soon as I placed a hand on her hip, I asked her, (oh yeah, she got a new boyfriend already), "Are you still with him?" and she nods a "yes". I took off my hand off of her waist and told her to leave, I chose my principles instead of the pussy. I would not fuck her while she's with someone, ever for revenge sex. I insited she leave. She did and I never saw her again.
>>7960326
Should have fucked her, man. Fuck her and then let her bf know she's cheating on him.
It's HER principles at stake, not yours. Rest assured that she'll cheat with someone else. All you really did is give the poor sap she's dating months of illusion.
I wrote this shortly after I had my very first kiss.
Me and her after the movie. There in the dark. I didn't get it then. She left the lights off on purpose. I was content to let them stay off. The dark felt inviting, but mature too. She was reduced to a faint face in unblinking verdant shadows. These were not clouded shapes of fear, but ones of comfort.
She lay her head on my chest, and told me my heart was beating very fast. I told her it was because of her. She asked why and I batted it away. I talked about the movie a little bit, but still wrapped up in her, tracing her outlines.
She said it again a while after, and so I told her why my heart was beating fast. I told her that in my head there was a certain way that I should be behaving and thought that she was expecting certain things of me. She said she didn't want me to think that way. We got closer, and closer. And still so far away. I told her that it has been a while since I'd done this, just sat, and done nothing. She said that we weren't doing nothing. She said if you're going to do nothing you've got to have company.
Her head was still on me and she said my heart was still beating fast. She said she didn't want me to die or anything, just told my heart to beat less, I said I'd try.
Finally we were about close enough. She asked, after a silence, if I'd ever kissed anyone before. I told her that I hadn't. So if that's what you were expecting... I won't be too experienced. She said the only way to learn was by doing. I said alright then. "I think I'm gonna go for it". "Okay"
And I did, and I was bad, and clumsy, and laughing, and she didn't mind. And she showed me how to give her what she wanted, and bit my lip just right. And she let my hands slide all over her, and made me feel so wanted. And we knew that we should probably go. And I did. But not before a couple more kisses. She said she didn't want to ruin things for me. She asked what she should so. I said that we could let things get ruined and lament them later.
On the way home we sang a song I hadn't heard in years, and it was great, it was fucking great.
It's pretty much entirely factual, only the expression is embellished. Any critique would be nice but its kind of unedited. We're probably going to break up soon, and what scares me to death is that I feel like it's for the best.
>>7957393
shut up liberal cuck
>>7959938
Eww stop.
>>7960068
Initials?
My little more-than-hipster girl
When I drum on your applebottom
I hear sounds more bewitching
Than ironic underground raves
>>7960997
I doubt you're her.
>>7960326
I'm sorry that happened to you
>>7960984
yes sir
