>Just as the Bradys were getting locked in jail, Lara randomly asked me, “Have you ever gotten a blowjob?”
>“Um, that’s out of the blue,” I said.
>“The blue?”
>“Like, you know, out of left field.”
>“Left field?”
>“Like, in baseball. Like, out of nowhere. I mean, what made you think of that?”
>“I’ve just never geeven one,” she answered, her little voice dripping with seductiveness. It was so brazen. I thought I would explode. I never thought. I mean, from Alaska, hearing that stuff was one thing. But to hear her sweet little Romanian voice go so sexy all of the sudden...
>“No,” I said. “I never have.”
>“Think it would be fun?”
>DO I!?!?!?!?!?!?! “Um. yeah. I mean, you don’t have to.”
>“I think I want to,” she said, and we kissed a little, and then. And then with me sitting watching The Brady Bunch, watching Marcia Marcia Marcia up to her Brady antics, Lara unbuttoned my pants and pulled my boxers down a little and pulled out my penis.
>“Wow,” she said.
>“What?”
>She looked up at me, but didn’t move, her face nanometers away from my penis. “It’s weird.”
>“What do you mean weird?”
>“Just beeg, I guess.”
>I could live with that kind of weird. And then she wrapped her hand around it and put it into her mouth.
>And waited.
>We were both very still. She did not move a muscle in her body, and I did not move a muscle in mine. I knew that at this point something else was supposed to happen, but I wasn’t quite sure what.
>She stayed still. I could feel her nervous breath. For minutes, for as long as it took the Bradys to steal the key and unlock themselves from the ghost-town jail, she lay there, stock-still with my penis in her mouth, and I sat there, waiting.
>And then she took it out of her mouth and looked up at me quizzically.
>“Should I do sometheeng?”
>“Um. I don’t know,” I said. Everything I’d learned from watching porn with Alaska suddenly exited my brain. I thought maybe she should move her head up and down, but wouldn’t that choke her? So I just stayed quiet.
>“Should I, like, bite?”
>“Don’t bite! I mean, I don’t think. I think—I mean, that felt good. That was nice. I don’t know if there’s something else.”
>“I mean, you deedn’t—”
>“Um. Maybe we should ask Alaska.”
>So we went to her room and asked Alaska. She laughed and laughed. Sitting on her bed, she laughed until she cried. She walked into the bathroom, returned with a tube of toothpaste, and showed us. In detail. Never have I so wanted to be Crest Complete.
>Lara and I went back to her room, where she did exactly what Alaska told her to do, and I did exactly what Alaska said I would do, which was die a hundred little ecstatic deaths, my fists clenched, my body shaking. It was my first orgasm with a girl, and afterward, I was embarrassed and nervous, and so, clearly, was Lara, who finally broke the silence by asking, “So, want to do some homework?”
>[Looking for Alaska broke into the NY Times best seller list at number ten in Children's Paperback]
How does this make /you/ feel? Let's discuss.
>the book was challenged on the grounds that it is "pornographic" and "disgusting". One parent even went as far as refusing to read the book himself, reportedly saying that "One does not need to have cancer to diagnose cancer".
>>7915830
>ywn have a little Romanian qt look up at you and call your penis "beeg"
>>7915830
Who is this guy and what does /lit/ have against him? He looks like a youtuber.
>>7915908
He's a very popular writer of YA fiction. /lit/ is just buttmad about him because he perfectly embodies the quirky, hipsterish sentiments of the young readers (typically girls) of today.
>>7915830
gonna end up reading this guy
if u fuckers keep this up
>>7915854
Sounds like my dad
>>7915908
>looks like a YouTuber
Funny how this became an aesthetic
>>7916004
know that feel, man. know that feel
>>7915830
>writes a book about a wimpy, brainy nerd who gets blowjobs from girls who are amazed by how big his dick is
How much more obvious could it be that he missed having sex in high school and he's fantasizing about it now. To make it worse he's shoving his sexual fantasies onto actual teenage girls. They're even teaching this book in high schools.
>>7916529
>>7915830
I have three issues with this book.
1.The very clear self insert fantasy which could stem from his lack of high school sex.
2. The fact that it is pure smut which borders on fan fiction, apparently being taught in schools as something worth reading.
3. This book broke into the NY Times best seller list at number ten in "CHILDREN'S Paperback", This pornographic, fan fiction tier writing is considered to be a children's book.
/lit/, you make me want to drink bleach at times.
>>7916575
You're correct about all of that. I used to think he seemed like a nice guy, but the more /lit/ talks about him, the more I can't stand him.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHMPtYvZ8tM
>>7916529
>not posting superior john
>>7917105
The thread that image came from was fascinating. It was up for nine days until the mods got tired of it and deleted it.
>>7915830
Jesus fuck...whoever keeps doing these threads needs to stop. I used to have faith in /lit/
>>7916575
I never realized the self insert aspect but I see it now, gross
I can't even tell whats memes anymore. Did he write this shit? I'm not going to go through the task of actually reading him, so someone please inform me so I can (if marginally) grasp the shit state of "children's" literature as it is today.
>>7916575
>2. The fact that it is pure smut which borders on fan fiction, apparently being taught in schools as something worth reading.
I can understand the bit about it not being taught in schools. But I never understood the erotica hate meme. What's wrong with erotica? Is it because of its reputation, or are people just too snobby to let themselves enjoy it? Sex is a part of the human condition.
>>7918431
For me personally, I only mind it when it feels cheap or easy. And it typically is. The bulk of us are hyperaware of sex, so for an author to write about it makes us feel like we're too readily being given what we want. Last sex scenes I read and loved that weren't intended for smutty perposes came from Toni Morrison's The Bluest Eye. And they came real hard.
It really is disgusting. I'd never let a child of mine read that kind of shit.
He's a Gamma Male aka The Secret King.
PrettyGirlsLaughingatHim.jiff
>>7918392
Yes this is a real excerpt.
This like some shit straight out of Literotica.
>>7918741
Every time I see a new John Green excerpt I have to do some research because I can't believe it's real.
How would ANY teenager not know how bjs work?
Right, let’s talk about the blow job. (I am not going to comment on my private sexual life, because…ew. No one wants that.)
The oral sex scene in Looking for Alaska between Lara and Pudge takes place immediately before a far less sexually intimate but far more emotionally intimate encounter between Pudge and Alaska.
The language in the oral sex scene is extremely clinical and distant and unsensual. The word “penis” is used rather than member or hot rod or whatever else you’ll find inromance novels. The adverbs and adjectives that appear in that scene include weird, nervous, and quizzically.
This is in very stark contrast to the scene where Pudge and Alaska kiss a few pages later: “Our tongues dancing back and forth in each other’s mouth until there was no her mouth and my mouth but only our mouths intertwined. She tasted like cigarettes and Mountain Dew and wine and Chap Stick. Her hand came to my face and I felt her soft fingers tracing the line of my jaw.” There’s a lot of evoking of senses in that paragraph (some might argue too much), and it’s much sexier and more passionate than the language used to describe the blow job.
I wanted these two scenes to present a dramatic contrast because I wanted it to be clear 1. that Pudge and Lara were curious about each other, and interested in exploring, but not really that passionate about each other, whereas 2. Alaska and Pudge were clearly very passionate and caring and attentive in the way they kiss, and most importantly that 3. physical intimacy isn’t and can never be an effective substitute for emotional intimacy.
It seemed to me pretty obvious that I was arguing against vapid sexual encounters in which no one has any fun and celebrating the underappreciated virtues of super-hot kissing in which everyone keeps their clothes on. (Some censors, clearly, feel otherwise, although most of them never read the blow job scene in context.)
Also, while we’re on the topic, let me just say how tired I am of seeing gauze-filtered teen sex scenes with candles and beautiful bodies that know exactly what to do, because I just don’t think that reflects the truth, which is awkward and messy and human.
>>7919622
>and and and and
I get that it's basically a meme to point this out. But why does he do it?
>>7919622
Is the dude actually named "Pudge?"
>>7919622
>that know exactly what to do, because I just don’t think that reflects the truth, which is awkward and messy and human.
It's literally instinct to know how to fuck
Like, maybe a few seconds of confusion w/r/t the construction of the vagina and the various folds held therein but that shouldn't take more than, say, 5 seconds?
>>7919622
This nonce should be put on a watch-list.
>>7919630
Too much DFW influence
Daily reminder that hurricanes are a type of rain.
>>7919646
https://books.google.com/books?id=5v1NBhR1W88C&pg=PA127&lpg=PA127&dq=&source=bl&ots=EXo3_auCT7&sig=AcT7TYb9q5kkfr2eWlR9l383qrA&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwig7_7byIzMAhUT0WMKHbu0DBwQ6AEIHjAB#v=onepage&q&f=false
Don't lie to them
>>7915830
fucking hell it's like reading something on fanfiction.net in 2006
>>7917126
Warosu link?
>>7919622
>Also, while we’re on the topic, let me just say how tired I am of seeing gauze-filtered teen sex scenes with candles and beautiful bodies that know exactly what to do, because I just don’t think that reflects the truth, which is awkward and messy and human.
The whole argument from people who write trash like this for teens is that it "reflects reality". Well it doesn't. I didn't have sex once in high school, though I suppose a lot of teens did. That's reality. What isn't reality however, is getting a blowjob from a seductive, yet innocent, Romanian girl who feels like "experimenting" while watching The Brady Bunch, then making out with another super hot girl who loves watching porn with you shortly afterward. That isn't reality, John. That's porn. You write porn. And you intend for children to read your porn. And we used to put people like you in prison.
>>7919912
>I didn't have sex once in high school
spotted the robot
>>7919912
kek. Oh John.
I come to /lit/ solely to make fun of Johnny
>>7919622
Green probably didn't describe the blow job because he doesn't know what one feels like
What a fucking dweeb
>>7919900
https://warosu.org/lit/thread/7858473
>>7915830
Yo hate this all you want but don't deny you got a good idea of these people from a brief enough scene to include in a post and not be fuck
>>7915830
I want to join the hate-on-creepy-uncle-JohnG party, but I have too much integrity to deny that he's at worst an average example of the kind of stuff I want to write.
>>7919622
Did he really say all of this?
>>7919622
>preferring penis to member
>>7919622
>It seemed to me pretty obvious that I was arguing against vapid sexual encounters
You're telling me that guy never fucked Cara Delevingne?
>>7920713
>preferring member to Unit
>>7920760
>preferring unit to greenian phallicus
>>7919605
>unironically reading John Green
>>7922245
Go back to your Moby Dick
>>7922230
>preferring greenian phallicus to fire of my loins
ITT: Sexually frustrated 20 somethings talking about penis and how shitty John green is.
>>7923238
very observant of you
