Don't deny that this was a good line.
Any writer who uses a semicolon deserves to be hanged
>>7903739
LOL, I like the line and was going "Godamn so many years hating John Green with a passion and the dude can actually write some.", then, thanks to you my friend, I notice the semicolon. I can sleep easy again.
>>7903739
What's wrong with the semicolon?
To bad he was writing in the first person and ruined the sentiment
>>7903739
>every single 19th century French writer deserves to be hanged
Yeah, fuck you.
Don't deny that these were good tweets.
"Why are breakfast foods breakfast foods?" I asked them. "Like, why don't we have curry for breakfast food?"
"Hazel, eat."
"But why?" I asked. "I mean, seriously: How did scrambled eggs get stuck in with breakfast exclusivity? You can put bacon on a sandwich without anyone freaking out. But the moment your sandwich has an eggs, boom, it's a breakfast sandwich."
Dad answered with his mouth full. "When you come back, we'll have breakfast for dinner. Deal?"
"I don't want to have 'breakfast for dinner,'" I answered, crossing knife and fork over my mostly full plate. "I want to have scrambled eggs for dinner without this ridiculous construction that scrambled eggs-inclusive meal is breakfast even when it occurs at dinnertime."
"You've gotta pick your battles in this world, Hazel," my mom said. "But if this is the issue you want to champion, we stand behind you."
"Quite a bit behind you," my dad added, and Mom laughed.
Anyway, I knew it was stupid, but I felt kind of bad for scrambled eggs.
>>7903990
>#justredditthings
God, why do people find this interesting
>>7903739
>parroting hack vonnegut's writing advice
kill yourself
>>7903990
AHHHHHHHHHHH FUCKING STOP
>>7904004
Did you know it's from White Noise by Don DeLillo?
>>7904046
Except it's not.
>>7903990
Brilliant deconstruction on how SJWs think.
I mean desu that's a decent sentence but any writer could have pulled it off
>>7904046
This specific meme is the cringiest one on this board.
What idiot would actually believe that DeLillo wrote the sentence "Anyway, I knew it was stupid, but I felt kind of bad for scrambled eggs"?
Please. He would never be so trite.
>>7904165
Are you kidding? DeLillo is the king of trite pseudointellectual garbage literature. He's maybe worse than Green, who is at least vaguely charming.
>>7903739
You're an idiot but that is a pretty egregious misuse of the semicolon.
>>7903739
>yank
TheRatatouilleprinciple: not everyone can be a good writer, but good writing can come from anyone.
>>7903955
If anything, the next sentence should not start with a capital, but that's probably an oversight of whoever made this image.
>>7904173
That's a pretty ridiculous judgement of DeLillo. But whatever, let's not talk about that.
Take this example:
Green qualifies Hazel's sympathy for the eggs by saying she felt "kind of bad" for them; he can't even invest fully in the idea that the character feels bad for the scrambled eggs. Green is totally cloying for the love of his readers. He refuses to say that Hazel feels bad for the scrambled eggs, because if a reader thinks that it's stupid for her to feel bad for the scrambled eggs, it'll reflect poorly on Green himself; the reader will think that he's stupid. So he hobbles the sentence by adding a conditional. He's afraid to make any kind of declarative statement that might be even a little bit "controversial". Yes, he acknowledges that it's "stupid", but if you read the dialogue itself, it doesn't register as self-aware. It's as if he wrote a bunch of stupid dialogue, then looked back at it, realized it was stupid, and decided to add that bit in order to feign intentionality.
If DeLillo wrote that sentence, he would be much more declarative. The main difference between Green and DeLillo's dialogue is the fact that DeLillo is aware of its alienating effect, and ultimately takes advantage of it. Green's dialogue is similar in some ways, but totally un-self-aware, and therefore bad. But DeLillo wouldn't stuff the sentence with conditionals, because DeLillo isn't afraid to make a statement, whether that statement is sincere/endearing or insincere/alienating.
tl;dr:you can tell the difference between Green and DeLillo based on the fact that DeLillo's prose is reflexive and self-aware and Green's is formulaic and sincerely stupid. You can also judge DeLillo as superior to Green based on the fact that when DeLillo says something stupid and weird, it's typically meant to be insincere and alienating, whereas when Green does it it's meant to endear you to the quirky protagonist
>>7903990
Is this for real?
>I was drizzle and she was a hurricane.
>>7903990
Anon, your mission, should you chose to accept it, is to rewrite this excerpt in the style of your favourite writer. Or whichever writer you can think of that might result in something interesting or funny.
>>7903990
This is actually a pretty good question, in its own way. We, as humans, must classify and label everything. It's like how "weeds" are classified as weeds simply because of landscaping and landscaping companies/products. The irony being that a "nice lawn" does absolutely nothing for you, but the weeds you don't want to grow are actually useful for a multitude of things.
Crazy, I think.
>>7904341
And at the same time I also think now that whilst breakfast used to mean simply "breaking of the fast" basically that all standard meals are technically breakfast. Whether it's a fast of an hour or a fast of twelve, what's the difference? Most people don't snack on stuff before they eat, instead doing the meals and being, in a way, slaves to mealtimes. At the same time though, couldn't someone's "breakfast" be someone else's supper? What if I wake up at 8:00PM EST and must be at work at 10:00PM or so, but I choose to eat eggs, bacon, and toast at 9:00PM. What is it then? Is it breakfast food? Do we even need labels for times of food? It's food, it truly can be eaten at any time.
>>7904341
Except that weeds are invasive and destroys gardens and flower beds. It's not interesting how John Green thinks egg philosophy is intellectual, it's really funny though.
>>7904348
I'll give you the garden thing but as for flowers they and weeds are able to naturally grow together. Of course, at the same time, grass could be considered a weed when it comes to gardens since it will also suck up the nutrients and whatnot necessary for a successful garden.
>"She has great breasts," the Colonel said without looking up from the whale.
>"DO NOT OBJECTIFY WOMEN'S BODIES!" Alaska shouted.
>Now he looked up. "Sorry. Perky breasts."
>"That's not any better!"
>Colin believed that the world contained exactly two kinds of people: Dumpers and Dumpees. A lot of people will claim to be both, but those people miss the point entirely: You are predisposed to either one fate or the other. Dumpers may not always be the heartbreakers, and the Dumpees may not always be the heartbroken. But everyone has a tendency.
>Margo always loved mysteries. And in everything that came afterward, I could never stop thinking that maybe she loved mysteries so much that she became one.
>Lacey takes the bar from me and reluctantly bites into it. She has to close her eyes to hide the orgasmic pleasure inherent in GoFast-tasting. "Oh. My. God. That tastes like hope feels."
And then pretty much just all of "The Fault In Our Stars"
>I'm in love with you," he said quietly.
>"Augustus," I said.
>"I am," he said. He was staring at me, and I could see the corners of his eyes crinkling. "I'm in love with you, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you.
>>7904326
I have read neither Green nor DeLillo yet but I feel like this post taught me something about writing nonetheless. Thanks, anon.Is an addition like 'I feel like' already too conditional for this to be a good comment? Or is the fact that I am making this spoiler making the post self-aware enough?
>>7904314
He doesn't even use a semicolon. This is what it looks like in the book: he used a colon, and then a lowercase "s."
>>7904362
>Tfw we are all dumpees and there's nothing we can do about it
>>7903739
Stay away from academic writing if you're this triggered.
Sometimes I want to sell out and copy his style and become like him, like a typhoon of words exploding out onto the page and even sex can't compete: I know it's stupid, but I kinda feel bad for those who don't feel this way, you know, in the sense of the word, we are all humans, but only some of us are really humane.
>>7904367
nice quote t bh
partisan contrarians ought to kts
>Whenever you read a cancer booklet or website or whatever, they always list depression among the side effects of cancer. But, in fact, depression is not a side effect of cancer. Depression is a side effect of dying
What did he mean by this?
>>7904452
>implying actual mental disorders can be side effects like a cough or a stomach ache
>>7904362
I thought this was a brilliant parody of John Green until I looked up the quotes and found that they were actually his. The man never ceases to lower the bar for the low opinions I have on him.
>>7904452
pretty obvious m80
>>7904341
Anyway, I knew it was stupid, but I felt kind of bad for weeds.
Can someone explain what makes it bad? I'm pretty new, but I can still tell it's obviously bad writing. I just don't know how to articulate it.
>>7904489
Context.
>"Why are breakfast foods breakfast foods?" I asked them. "Like, why don't we have curry for breakfast food?"
>"Hazel, eat."
>"But why?" I asked. "I mean, seriously: How did scrambled eggs get stuck in with breakfast exclusivity? You can put bacon on a sandwich without anyone freaking out. But the moment your sandwich has an eggs, boom, it's a breakfast sandwich."
>Dad answered with his mouth full. "When you come back, we'll have breakfast for dinner. Deal?"
>"I don't want to have 'breakfast for dinner,'" I answered, crossing knife and fork over my mostly full plate. "I want to have scrambled eggs for dinner without this ridiculous construction that scrambled eggs-inclusive meal is breakfast even when it occurs at dinnertime."
>"You've gotta pick your battles in this world, Hazel," my mom said. "But if this is the issue you want to champion, we stand behind you."
>"Quite a bit behind you," my dad added, and Mom laughed.
>Anyway, I knew it was stupid, but I felt kind of bad for scrambled eggs.
>When adults say, "Teenagers think they are invincible" with that sly, stupid smile on their faces, they don't know how right they are. We need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken. We think that we are invincible because we are. We cannot be born, and we cannot die. Like all energy, we can only change shapes and sizes and manifestations. They forget that when they get old. They get scared of losing and failing. But that part of us greater than the sum of our parts cannot begin and cannot end, and so it cannot fail.
>>7904489
>Cheesy forced dialogue
>"this and this and this and this and this" sentences
>Forced and stupid metaphors/similes
>Impossibly unrelatable characters
What else?
>>7904046
>he thinks it's White Noise
> It's actually Infinite Jest
>>7903990
I start the day with a bottle of water, a PBJ, and a tin of Vienna sausages. The concept of meal specific foods baffles me.
>>7903990
Passages like these function for Mr Green as a form of "child grooming":
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_grooming
"You and me, kid, we're special. We don't recognize society's silly conventions."
Next thing you know, he is enjoying a blowjob from a 12 year old.
So appalling.
It actually is a good sentence, I will admit.
>>7903990
This is pretty similar to a passage in White Noise, right? I'm not even memeing.
>>7904817
A lot of the dialogue in White Noise consists of the characters exploring pointless and weird subjects. I don't think they ever talk about breakfast specifically. There are key differences though, of course.
that line is inspired by this exchange from the sun also rises:
“How did you go bankrupt?” Bill asked.
“Two ways,” Mike said. “Gradually and then suddenly.”
>>7904866
It's a good chunk of the book, really
Just flip through the pages until you find a big stretch of dialogue. If they aren't talking about fear of death, odds are it's one of those passages
George: "Why are breakfast foods breakfast foods? Like, why don't we have curry for breakfast food?"
Elaine: "George, eat."
Goerge: "But why? I mean, seriously: How did scrambled eggs get stuck in with breakfast exclusivity? You can put bacon on a sandwich without anyone freaking out. But the moment your sandwich has an eggs, boom, it's a breakfast sandwich."
Jerry (rolling his eyes): "When we come back from the movie, we'll have breakfast for dinner. Deal?"
George: "I don't want to have 'breakfast for dinner. I want to have scrambled eggs for dinner without this ridiculous construction that scrambled eggs-inclusive meal is breakfast even when it occurs at dinnertime."
Elaine (sarcastically): "Welllll George... ya gotta pick your battles in this world. But if this is the issue you want to champion, we stand behind you." (sarcastic smile)
Kramer: "Quite a bit behind you," (Snaps his fingers, and makes a weird clicking sound)
It would be an alright line if that 'he' was changed to an 'I,' although it'd still be a little cliched given the terrible maiming of the Kunstlerroman in the 20th century. But it would be a good line coming from, say, Oscar Wild.
>>7903990
So many people falling for the bait. Yes, this is from white noise but edited.
>>7904964
You nailed it.
>>7904988
It's from "The Fault in Our Stars" by John Green, you illiterate moron.
>>7904988
You're not funny. What you're saying isn't funny. Your attempt at making a meme is pathetic.
You honestly deserve to read "The Fault in our Stars" for the rest of eternity.
>>7904338
>>7903990
I accept:
See that fellow in Barnaby's eating a breakfast platter at. What time? Yes three bong just now so perhaps a quarter past. Funny we don't do that more often. Full Irish breakfast bad for kidneys they say; too much protein. But good for soul. O, O, O, the boys of Kilkenny, O. Suppose he smells like a full Irish all day. But after all why not? He crossed O'Connell, skipping at cracked intervals. Skip. Break your mother's. Don't do that now people are watching, bloody fool. Last one's a rotten egg. But on the egg subject, why not eat them at lunch? Dinner, even? Cheap and nutritious, hens packed together tight as matches pumping them out day in day out. Give them to poor, start an initiative. Which came first, the British or poverty? Haha
In an alley a ragged boy was making chalk designs, boy and chalk standing out against the dark in a uniform pallor. Egg plan could help him, for example. Give him a coin? No, do him no good. Just be respectful. Now there's a cracked egg. Doomed before he was born. Predestination, into the streets or into the frying pan. Out of the frying pan, into. But what am I saying sympathizing with eggs?
He sighed heavily.
>>7903989
i think he misread david wallboy
>>7904354
The point is that, as people have less practical experience, they lack understanding about the meaning and cause of distinctions rooted in reality and begin to think "everything is just arbitrary words, man."
>>7905037
Who is that supposed to be?
>>7905078
I tried to make it pretty obvious, but I guess I failed: it's Ulysses.
>>7903955
>semicolon
Nothing. Some of the best smilies use semicolons.
>>7903735
It was
haters need not apply
>>7905082
It's obvious to anyone who's read Ulysses
>>7904046
anyone who doesn't find this post funny hasn't read white noise recently
He definitely has some good lines. Hopefully reality will hit him hard and his wife and kids will leave him and take his money and eventually produce literature that's not only sensitive, but also realistic, culturally valuable, and mature! I actually sortuv believe in the dude.
>>7905130
Ulysses is itself devoted to aping the styles of others.
>>7905197
>implying
Nobody else ever wrote or will write anything close to "Circe." Even "Eumaeus," my least favorite episode, is totally inimitable.
>>7905211
Read more.
>>7903987
Well, they're all already dead, so at this point them being hanged would more likely mean having their portraits hung in a museum.
>>7904964
this actually works
>>7905225
Fuck that. Dig up their graves and hang their skeletons.
>>7903735
Don't deny that this was a good line.
>>7905007
>he hasn't read The Fault in Our Stars
>he's the moron
Good one
>>7903989
judging from the insipid shit he's written, that really isn't surprising.
>>7903990
fucking why!!!?
>>7903990
this is what counts for a New York times best seller... fuck my life.
>>7904964
Are you seriously trying to pass this off as your own
You should kill yourself
>>7904289
No its not.
>>7905007
"The Fault in Our Stars" is a steaming turd of a book riddled with horrendously unrealistic dialogue, and seemingly written by an autistic 12 year old who'd just finished reading twilight for the first time, and was attempting- and failing- to make something even more trite. it is a half-ass excuse for literature that has only succeeded by appealing to the excessively over-sized ego of retarded teenage girls with so little intellect that they can't even tie their shoes.
>>7905100
fuck you, and everything you stand for.
>>7905237
the best.
>>7905215
OK, who has written a Circe other than Joyce? Please, point them out to me, because even a shallow imitation would be a masterpiece.
>>7903989
wow hes a stupid cunt
>>7905342
yea, you didn't actually read it, did you?
>>7905298
It really is though. They should only really be used for joining two independent clauses without using a conjunction or for complex items in a list where the things in the list contain commas.
He could have used a colon or an em dash or really just a comma.
>>7903739
Oh ohohoho lolololol, Virginia Woolfe is a fucking BITCH.
>>7904289
I bet john green says "is comprised of"
>>7904363
What's wrong with this one?
>>7905405
Aside from it being stilted, the "I said" and "he said" are redundant when such things can be gleaned from context.
>>7903735
I truly don't like this man.
>>7904964
>>7905405
and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and
Stylistic genius
>>7904363
>>7903735
I really like this line, but the syntax annoys me. I think it should be "I fell in love the way one falls asleep". Having he, I and you in the same sentence just comes across as awkward
>>7905405
saccharine babble
>>7905377
>
reading is for nerds.
He's an extremely good writer. His works and themes are catered toward early teenagers. You can't criticize him for not being high literature because he has never tried to be.
>>7905540
>getting mad at shit written for middle schoolers
Typical /lit/.
>>7905545
/lit/ is largely populated by middle schoolers, so it's not that surprising.
>>7905537
he styles himself after DFW. his writing is sincere to the point where /lit/ the irony machine can't appreciate it
>>7905537
>You can't criticize him for not being high literature because he has never tried to be.
Look at this anime face. I'm the guy who posted it.
Do you really think there's anything I won't do?
>>7904964
>Kramer: "Quite a bit behind you," (Snaps his fingers, and makes a weird clicking sound)
Its still shit
>>7904964
My sides
>>7904798
This reminds of the time a girl said he came off like a creeper when he interacted with his underage female fans and his reaction was to freak out, and proclaim how he isn't a child molester.
>>7904798
I don't doubt this for a second.
>>7903735
Isn't this essentially that one Hemingway quote?
"How did you get so poor?"
"Two ways. Slowly, and then all at once."
>>7904798
>enjoying a blowjob from a 12 year old
>implying that's bad
>>7905782
Good eye. John Green doesn't just suck, he's also a plagiarist.
>girlfriend owns like 3 of his books
how do I dump her gently?
>>7905809
Die suddenly.
>>7905809
cum on her books.
>>7903739
The semicolon is indespensible. You probably judt don't know how to use it properly.
>>7905394
This.
wanna know why I love these John Green threads so much?
because I know every single person here read him in their mid-to-late teens, and now that they've been coming on 4chan for a few months, maybe a year, and have learned how cool it is to hate everything they used to like, attack him with completely unneeded and unwarranted viciousness. it's so funny to watch you be so vulnerable, so fragile, so salty, desperate to impress the wall you stare at all day every day, desperate to prove you're all grownded up
>>7904464
Except depression isn't a mental disorder, you pedantic nub. It's a natural psychological response to stress, trauma, etc. You're thinking of major depressive disorder, which is what it is called when it begins to interfere with daily functioning.
The way he used it was perfectly valid.
>>7905871
>indespensible
>>7905931
>indespenisble
>>7905503
what's your opinion on hemingway
>>7904362
Thanks for that thought bubble me from the past
>>7905405
it reads like bad slam poetry
>>7905875
is there a word for "air quickly shooting out your nose"
>>7906210
autistic laughter
its two words but i'm making fun of you
>>7906236
>>7903739
You are openly unanimously retarded ;
>>7904964
best post in the thread
>>7903989
100% correct. People are fucking sheep for just shitting on those movies. They are perfectly fine for what they are and there's nothing wrong for girls to like them, since it's just a continuation of shit like Beauty & the Beast etc.
>>7905503
Normally I'd agree but it's dialogue. The rules change some for dialogue. It definitely could have been written better but there's nothing particularly wrong with that. People do tend to use 'and' in conversation a lot.
I've read this sentence over about 10 times and I still can't understand it. How is it that teenage girls can find profundity in something a grown man well-versed in the canon can't even decipher?
>>7905915
>>7905915
I've never read him, I just think his writing is really fun to hate.
>>7903990
what's actually wrong with this considering who his target audience is?
>>7906210
ntn (noise through nose).
>Anon1: *joke*
>Anon2: ntn noice
>>7907028
You sound fat
I could have sworn that breakfast thing was some shit heinrich says in White Noise but now I don't know what to believe.
>>7907448
You just know that all the male protagonists are either John Green in high school, or John Green as he wishes he was in high school.
>>7907448
yikes
>>7903739
it's fine if it's used correctly; it isn't in op's image.
>>7907448
she was hurricane, i'm writer
>>7906939
You have shit views on aesthetics just like Green. No one cares what you think.
>>7905082
You didn't fail. You imitated Poldys voice perfectly, nicely done.
>>7905037
Holy shit, this is incredible. 10/10, anon.
Does anybody else feel that it's really creepy that a grown man is writing this shit?
Gives me some nasty pedovibes.
>>7903739
Ooooh, feisty!
>>7907621
Maybe you've just been browsing lolicon for too long and have lost touch with the fact of life that is that some adult people write books for kids without having some pedophiliac agenda behind it.
His prose is perfectly apt for the target audience he goes for. I started my career as a reader with Rowling and Coelho, kids today with Green. Everyone here gets their panties in a twist over a completely harmless, old phenomenon.
>>7907621
No you're just autistic.
>>7903735
cuck
>>7903735
I would have been better as "As he read to me, I fell in love the way one falls asleep; First slowly, and then all at one".
>>7903990
>>7904338
Alright I'll play . Not favorite author by the way, just one I thought would be fun.
So I remember being at a diner close to Central Park that morning. Real nice lady as my waitress. "Why do we eat this stuff for breakfast and all?" I said.
She gave me a weird look and all, so I said "I mean, naturally, we eat eggs and stuff like that for breakfast, you know? I mean any bastard can put a goddamn slice of bacon on bread and call it a sandwich? But as soon as you add in some eggs in all breakfast and all"
"Well hun, we serve dinner food too if that's what you want." I didn't really like her much after this. I mean labeling things, like food and all, just makes you look so phony. I swear these bastards who run restaurants just love for everything to be "this food" or "that food". I just want to have food be food and that's that, but goddamn everyone has to make sure everything has a label. The waitress, her and I just kinda stayed our own way for a while but she ended up speaking up. "Well kid, I guess you gotta point, but is it really a big deal to you." I was kinda caught off guard, her and I agreed on this and it made me happy, hell, I was smiling a bit even and all. I mean, having that small connection and agreement can do a lot for a guy. I left her with a pretty swanky tip even though my dough was running pretty dry. I'd say it was a good breakfast, but that be pretty phony of me and all, so I called it a good meal.
>>7907621
>>7907638
He definitely has a thing for teen girls. Anyone who writes this for teen girls to read has problems.
>>7907749
The Catcher in the Rye is the only good young adult novel ever written, and that's because it's not for young adults and you're supposed to think Holden's a whiny punk. But of course, John Green thinks it's disturbingly misogynistic.
>>7907765
Does he really? What a faggot.
>>7907771
>"Also, I would like to see equal attention given to the sexism in popular work by men, from Nicholas Sparks to for instance J. D. Salinger. Catcher in the Rye—although I like it very much—is profoundly and disturbingly misogynistic and yet seems to get a critical pass both online and off. This happens a lot, I think, with books by men, and I don't want male writers (including me!) to get that pass."
>>7907752
>An author describes a completely normal, realistic scenario of kids discovering their sexuality.
>I guess he must be a pedo.
What's with the clenched up puritanism there, matey? Does desire scare you?
>>7907782
Did you switch from Tumblr to 4chan, John?
>In 2015, a Tumblr post from user virjn generated media controversy, as it claimed Green is "a creep who panders to teenage girls so that he can amass some weird cult-like following."[43][44] Other users commented on the post, criticizing his writing and tagging Green to bring the post to his attention.[43][44] Green responded to the post, defending himself, stating, "Throwing that kind of accusation around is sick and libelous and most importantly damages the discourse around the actual sexual abuse of children."[44] Green added that he would use the social media website less often, stating, "I'm not angry or anything like that. I just need some distance for my well-being."[37]
>>7907752
Who the fuck goes and asks someone how to give a blowjob in the middle of one? John Green is probably a Virgin tb h
>>7907752
>describing an orgasm as a "little death"
where have i heard that before, i wonder? unoriginal cunt
>>7907788
I have to repeat to make myself completely clear:
Someone who thinks describing a scenario involving oral sex in a YA novel automatically implies pedophilia or other types of perverted sexuality is either himself a creep confused by puritan upbringing and fapping to the most deviant things on 4chan, or stuck in the sexual morality of the 1800's, or both.
Get off 4chan and into real life.
>>7907765
He's a pretty bad reading, he can't into anything deeper then surface level.
>>7903989
I like how he says this about the movies and not the books.
The movies (well, at least the first one) are just kinda boring and forgettable, but watchable enough during the experience. The books on the other hand are fucking awful.
>>7907806
I think its been used in classic resistance sonnets. Since sperm and spirit are like a pun or something in that time. Might have been Shakespeare, Spenser or Sidney.
>>7905789
He's obviously just jelly.
>>7904365
ty 4 screenie anon <3
saved me 1 minute of my time
>>7903990
I don't get what's so terrible about this. It's nothing super profound, but it's pretty good food for thought for teenage girls. It cultivates curiosity and questioning of conventions.
Do you expect 15-year-olds to be reading Pynchon and Heidegger instead?
>>7907863
If you think people move on from YA you should understand that very few do. Its best to not care about what others read tho.
>>7904452
That depression is caused not by the symptoms of cancer but by the fear of impending death.
>>7904964
It actually works. How?
>>7906210
Snort?
>>7907448
That's the point. You have a beta protagonist to relate to, and then he gets the girl.
>>7904798
what exactly is wrong with that?
>>7907871
I'm not the kind of person to say that it doesn't matter what crap people read as long as they're reading, but that passage is good entry-level stuff. It's still upward progress, even if it peaks there.
It's like you have a PhD in mathematics and you're making fun of people who are learning basic algebra. Yeah, maybe they'll get bored after that, but even that is better than the initial point.
>>7907916
I get your point and I agree with you mostly, they could also read worse. (I recall that the novel version of the movie Frozen was a best seller a few years back). I think a lot of hate for John Green centers around himself as a person, since he doesn't encourage readers to look beyond surface details and tends to come off as a hack. He's read "harder" stuff but you can tell he doesn't really "get it."
>>7907844
It was common in renaissance poetry and music (specifically madrigals). An orgasm was referred to as a "little death" because it was a release of part of your "spirit" or your "life-force".
>>7905297
>anonymous
>>7904363
I'm going to use that last line. Shitty writing, but oh boy I'll bet it'll impress some vapid women.
>>7907788
Dear god it takes a special kind of autism to use a post from tumblr in an attempt to prove your point and think it will have a positive effect.
Get off the internet and seek the aid of a psychiatrist before your autism cripples you.
>>7907870
There is if it means diving this deep into quirkiness and then immediately defending yourself against the possibly of having to account for anything you just said
>>7903990
>the moment your sandwich has an eggs, boom, it's a breakfast sandwich."
>Not knowing the delicious lunch of champions that is a turkey burger with lettuce, tomato and a fried egg
Fucking disgraceful
>>7907903
This guy knows what's up.
>>7905924
this desu. my bad habits lead to a shitton of stress in my life which has left me with bipolar depression. but i'm working on it with a therapist and taking medication for it. Shit's kinda interesting but overall not a fun experience.
>>7904964
I can hear the pauses for the laugh track
>>7903989
>You aren't allowed to have a negative opinion on stuff! Popular opinion is always right! The group knows best!
This is why nobody takes romantic writers seriously
>>7903989
As soon as he implied that films are art I couldn't make it any further. That is absolutely awful.
>>7905037
You beat me to it, and did a much better job than I would have. Perfect.
>>7903955
Everyone else is a retard; it should be a regular comma
>>7908396
It's from Wikipedia.
>>7904338
Here's my attempt. Not my favorite author since >>7905037 already did him, but a good one nonetheless :
Yon hen upon her nest in the morning lays her egg,
To be picked and cook'd, served at break of fast ;
Unworthy is he who plucks the pearl
To decide the fate of that hen's unborn.
Per precedent doth he, the cook, prepare
That egg at such a dawn,
When just as easily could it be served
At noon or e'en fall of night.
Perhaps would th'unhatch'd hen's son
Wonder at this queer wont
Of man to fry him at this time of day
And wish'st he it another way ?
Such a thought indeed is quaint,
And entertaining to the mind,
Or lyre of the poet's verse,
Though unpractical it may be.
Eh, I could finish the rewriting but that seems like it's enough. In case you couldn't tell, the poet I was imitating isWilliam Cowper.
>>7908669
>picked
Oops, I accidentally added an extra syllable. Read that as pick'd.
>An Abundance of Katherines
>Looking For Alaska
>The Fault In Our Stars
My bookshelf is full but want to keep one for memes sake, which two should I remove?
>>7909035
keep Looking for Alaska
>>7903990
Is because they're generally easier on the pallet and digestive system first thing in the morning
Most people wake up with their body still groggy and not ready for more complex foods
Also Korean cuisine features eggs in their meals throughout the day
>>7904334
It wouldn't be bad if he was a homosexual talking about another man
But as a hetero it's beta male pussy shit, and stupid
No woman wants a man that thinks he's pathetic, especially if she inspires him to feel pathetic. Women want strong protectors who become stronger by thinking of protecting them
>>7904362
That first part looks like a parody of John Green. Not even a subtle one, but like the sort of thing someone here would come up with.
>>7905405
No one fucking talks like that
>>7904365
fucking macfag.
Why do we call it "Young Adult" fiction, or whatever, when "Juvenile fiction" is much more fitting?the implication is that it's not only that's it's for juveniles, but it's the fiction itself that's juvenile
>>7904363
I think this is sweet, if unrealistic.
>>7907809
What's wrong with being stuck in the sexual morality of the 1800's?
>>7910191
Read Foucault
>>7910191
He's mad that you're invulnerable to his degeneracy. He wants to write sex scenes for children so he can corrupt them and bend them to his debauched will. Faggot and likely a jew.
>>7910200
>faggot
Half
>Jew
non
>>7903990
sounds like a passage from white noise. don't understand why you all shower that book with praise but hate this
>>7907809
>appeal to novelty
"Why are breakfast foods breakfast foods!?" Ignatius thundered. "Like, why don't we have curry for breakfast food?"
"Ignatius, eat." Mrs. Reilly requested weakly.
"But why?" Ignatius insisted. "I mean, seriously: How did scrambled eggs get stuck in with breakfast exclusivity? You can put bacon on a sandwich without anyone freaking out. But the moment your sandwich has an eggs, boom, it's a breakfast sandwich."
Mrs. Reilly answered with her small mouth full. "When you come back, we'll have breakfast for dinner. Deal?"
"I don't want to have 'breakfast for dinner,'"Ignatius protested, crossing knife and fork over his mostly full plate. "I want to have scrambled eggs for dinner without this ridiculous construction that scrambled eggs-inclusive meal is breakfast even when it occurs at dinnertime."
"You've gotta pick your battles in this world, Ignatius," Mrs. Reilly meekly explained. "But if this is the issue you want to champion, I guess I'm gon' have to stand behind you."
"Quite a bit behind you," Patrolman Mancuso interrupted, reminding them of his presence, and Mrs. Reilly laughed.
>>7909938
>I'm an alpha, hear me roar
>>7910416
The next time you're in physical contact with a woman who is not your mom (if such a thing ever happens) try telling her that you're drizzle and she's a hurricane, and watch her pussy speed-dry before your eyes.
>>7910452
I was less referring to the passage itself (which is shite) and more your generalization about women wanting strong protectors. Also
>being near womemes
>>7910460
That wasn't my post. Furthermore it's not a "generalization", it's evidently obvious to anyone who has spent time in the company of the meme gender, even if they pretend otherwise.
>>7910478
Don't feed the virgins m8
>>7910483
I'll have you know I get my boipussy pounded on the regular
>>7909938
Isn't that the point of the writing: to convey that that character is beta?
>>7910667
Yes, but he's doing it as a beta himself, waxing philosophical about his betaness so that people will read his thoughts and finally understand him and appreciate him and all betas for being so pure and kind of heart and fall in love with their tenderness and nurturing personalities
It's faggot shit, they need to start taking cock or switch teams like Caitlyn
>>7903735
yes
>>7908483
>calls everyone a retard
>doesn't know how to properly use commas
>>7903739
>mfw ; is the best punctuation
>>7907448
>Implying that /lit/ isn't full of autistic betas who would not even get his close to a female.
>/lit/ is for serious discussion of literature
>spends time meming DFW or shitposting about books meant for middle-schoolers.
>>7903739
The semicolon is my grammarfu.
>>7903990
Actually not a bad question, but I recall someone saying there's an actual reason for eggs being served as breakfast.
>>7904363
Is this real?
>>7904363
I honestly like this one. It describes what falling in love is really like. Maybe people around here are just too cynical and emotionally detached to feel otherwise?
>>7906210
chortle?
>>7905037
It's everything I dreamed it would be. Bravo, anon. Go out into the world and do great things, or stay here and entertain the plebes like me.
>>7903989
These tweets are strange because there is no reason to adhere to requests to be "not misogynistic".
>>7912278
maybe you're just a sappy simp
>>7912278
>maybe youre just a sap
for example, the last time I told a girl i loved her (for the first time) it went like this:
"i love you, maria"
"I love you too! I wanted you to be the first to say it"
she hugged me so tight I thought she would die
and I left her without saying goodbye
>>7905915
Nigger, I'm 25. I missed the YA train altogether. The first time I heard about Green was on 4chan.
>>7905082
That was perfect, anon. Whoever didn't get that hasn't read Ulysses. Damn, now you make me want to read the book again. Ulysses, not The Fault in Our Stars. Just making sure.
John Green's books, to me at least, seem like some sort of wish fulfillment. After reading these excerpts (which are totally cherrypicked, but I'm going to guess that if so many shitty excerpts exist, they must be representative of his whole works), with their shitty, unrealistic, quote bait dialogue, and characters who are almost exclusively unrealistic teenagers, I've concluded that John Green must have had a shitty adolescence. To make up for this, He writes what are essentially fanfictions, with the main character being an idealized version of himself : A quirky, snarky, witty female teenager (or a male friend of one).
>>7912278
>Maybe people around here are just too cynical and emotionally detached to feel otherwise?
Of course we are, but it still makes me cringe.
>>7912403
That's a pretty good analysis to be honest. But he's smart enough to throw in some coming of age themes, dialogue that appeals to teens who think they're smarter than everyone and write a functional story so his shit doesn't come off as twilight-tier.
>>7912403
It's possible that he's doing this because he knows it sells. I am positive that you're right about him being that type of adolescent, but he probably outgrew it, and is now using his insider knowledge to sell books. It's the anti-Catcher in the Rye.
Maybe he really is that retarded though
>>7903735
He basically stole the line from Hemingway, except Hemingway's made more sense. You don't fall asleep all at once.
>>7904964
George: It's stupid, but I feel bad for eggs.
BIDDLY-BOP-BADONKADONK-BOOP-BOP
I fell in love the way you take a shit: slowly then all at once
>>7907448
stop
>>7906210
Huff.
>>7908457
>being this dogmatic about art definitions
wew lad
