I am not my grandmother or my mother
although they are flowing into me.
Into me I am not them
And I will not take this beating
Beating down like the rain
Beating down like the rain
Without a sound
IT'S FUCKING SHIT
>>7405761
stop, please, stop.
>>7405761
Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz, nice job on that planet yesterday
I eat my dinner in my bathtub
Then I go to sex clubs
Watching freaky people gettin' it on
It doesn't make me nervous
If anything I'm restless
Yeah, I've been around and I've seen it all
I get home, I got the munchies
Binge on all my Twinkies
Throw up in the tub
Then I go to sleep
And I drank up all my money
Dazed and kinda lonely
You're gone and I gotta stay
High all the time
To keep you off my mind
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
High all the time
To keep you off my mind
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
Spend my days locked in a haze
Trying to forget you babe
I fall back down
Gotta stay high all my life
To forget I'm missing you
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
Pick up daddies at the playground
How I spend my day time
Loosen up the frown,
Make them feel alive
Oh, make it fast and greasy
I'm numb and way too easy
You're gone and I gotta stay
High all the time
To keep you off my mind
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
High all the time
To keep you off my mind
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
Spend my days locked in a haze
Trying to forget you babe
I fall back down
Gotta stay high all my life
To forget I'm missing you
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
Staying in my play pretend
Where the fun ain't got no end
Ooh
Can't go home alone again
Need someone to numb the pain
Ooh
Staying in my play pretend
Where the fun ain't got no end
Ooh
Can't go home alone again
Need someone to numb the pain
You're gone and I gotta stay
High all the time
To keep you off my mind
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
High all the time
To keep you off my mind
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
Spend my days locked in a haze
Trying to forget you babe
I fall back down
Gotta stay high all my life
To forget I'm missing you
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
Fifteen steps into the fairgrounds, James was uneasy. The acid and heat from his stomach rose to his chin. His eyes, sparkling blue, struggled to focus on the ferris wheel that rose above everything else, much like him, in the distance. Always out of place, he stood six-foot-six. With his long black hair now short in preparation for the army, and his pale skin showing up his arms to the shoulder, he stood in the middle of it all, shivering.
He inched forward, unsure of where to be. Nobody expected him to be there and everyone glanced at him. It was hard not to. Without sleep and without his hat, he prayed for his protection. For the sun to stop shining and for the clouds to hide him deep under the atmosphere.
>>7405761
Here's the first chapter of my novel
"King Dick fucked his peasantry quite literally but his cock was also a rattlesnake like a gazillion feet long and he also was a dick made out of jellyfish who constantly buzzed so he fuck loopy doody poppy CUMMY tummy jum"
Its postmodern so if you don't like it it probably just went over your head
>>7405761
>although they are flowing into me.
>flowing into me.
>flowing
>into
>sempai's cum
>>7405802
clike
f0iojij
>>7405936
Does this mean cliche?
Sam, please.
>>7405761
Perhaps the least fortunate conjunction of interwebs coincidences for you, OP, that I just read Sinead O'Connor's suicide note and now that's all your poem associates to me.
>>7405785
ebba/10.
too obvious.
>>7405802
On the off chance, I'll walk you through this and see if you can see it.
>acid and heat rose to his chin
I suppose there are unlikely congenital birth defects that might make this possible in the way you intend, but for a normal formed person, the only way for this to happen is if he barfed acid out of his mouth. Did they rise to his throat? The back of his tongue?
The participles here give an ambiguous 33/33/33 shot at incorrect, and I suspect unintentional ambiguity:
>rose above everything else, much like him, in the distance.
He rises above everything else, or, like he is in the distance, or, both. I think you mean he rises above everything else, but two out of three is not good odds this early on.
>the ferris wheel in the distance that rose above everything else, much like he did.
or something.
>for the clouds to hide him deep under the atmosphere.
I am having trouble conjuring this up. Under the atmosphere would be subterranean. Hiding within a cloud would require flight. Or some kind of personal cloud like in those depression drug TV spots. It's simply an awkward construction, likely a first draft thought.
Otherwise, I get that you are introducing a kind of John Irving-flavored protag whose defining characteristics are a painful self-consciousness, which we assume informs his arc, or plot, or the events that redeem our furthered interest in him. Well enough. Watch out for basic grammar. Since the English speaking world abandoned Phonics back in the early 80s, it's been a bitch of a time trying to back fill it for millenials.
