Ok guys, this is about an het-relationship but my post is /lgbt/ related. I hope that you can help me.
I dated a girl during 4 months. It was the best fucking thing of my life, she never had anybody before me and was the cutest of them all.
We never had sex because she was a virgin, so I touched her only one time (she was wet so I thought she was enjoying it, but she's not the talkative type so we didn't talk about it).
She leaved me after I insulted her for a stupid reason (I'm an impulsive asshole since I was raised with violence).
3 months after our broke-up, I tried to kill myself, and then went to a mental hospital. When I got out, I was to fucking anxious so I decided to talk to her again.
She said to me that she always has been a lesbian, and that's why she never dated anybody. Because she wants to hide it from people.
I tried reassuring her by saying that myself am bisexual and that all sexualities are normal. But at the same time I can't understand how she could get wet from me or look at me with passion-filled eyes if there wasn't any physical attraction.
I'm lost. I really was thinking that she just has been afraid by the idea of having sex with me since she is a virgin. So it's hard for me to really think that she is a lesbian, and maybe I'm just afraid that the only relationship I really cared about was one-sided.
Please help me clarify all this, if you're a lesbian yourself, my head is a total clusterfuck. It's been two months since she told me about it and I still can't confront that fact.
>>6349779
getting wet =/= erection
women randomly get wet because that's how their vagina cycles sometimes. I can be doing school homework that I hate and get really wet, not because I'm turned on, but because my vagina is just doing that on it's own.
>>6349787
Well erection works like that to. Ask guys they all had weird erection during classes or stuff like that. Or so I did.
And I can assume that since we licked each-other for about an hour before I touched her it could just come from physicall stimulation (breast simulation etc).
But the fact that she accepted to do this stuff and dated me for 4 months is still a fucking mystery.
I have a lot of trouble accepting it. I don't understand.
Maybe she didn't like guys, except you?
Maybe she was picturing a woman in her head?
Maybe she was *sincerely* trying it out with a guy in case she liked it after all?
Natural, uncontrollable responses to sexual physical stimulation are different to being mentally aroused or horny.
If you were a straight guy and some other guy starts pulling your dick, your going to hate it but you'll still going to get an erection.
>why would someone get sexually aroused when you're sexually caressing them?
>>6349802
No, it's still not the same. Discharge is how the vagina cleans itself.
She could have still cared about you, even if she wasn't sexually attracted to you.
OP, here's what you're doing right now. You're trying to use this as an excuse to hate yourself. You're putting your self worth into whether or not your ex was attracted to you.
She is your ex. Your ex now.
And honestly, 4 months is really short. Was this your first real relationship? The 3-4 month range is where people realize whether or not they really like someone.
Spending that amount of time with someone you're unsure about is really common. It's "trial run" time.
Also next time, take this to /adv/.
>>6350043
Discharge and wetness from hornyness is not the same.
One is produced in the skene's gland the other in the bartholin's gland.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bartholin's_gland
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skene's_gland
>>6349779
Studies show that females get wet regardless of the sex scene being f/f m/m or m/f.
Statistically speaking actual lesbians are so rare that most people can be assured they'll never find one in real life.
>>6349999
Your response is really sweet. Maybe I just hate myself too much to comprehend that, like others said in this thread.
>>6350043
I don't understand this 3-4 month range bullshit that women also told me in real life. I'm sorry but my love for her was only growing with the time passing.
Also yes it was my first relationship, it's been a year that I'm trying to focus on social links, before that I was a shut-in.
I don't think /adv/ is appropriate for this. I'm more asking about discussion and reflexion than real advice.
But thanks for spending time in trying to explain me stuff.
>>6350990
Well I always tought that everyone is bisexual but that's just because I project myself onto people. So I must admit that I can't accept the fact that she said to me that she was 100% homo. It seems impossible to me, the 100% part. Maybe I'm stupid.
As a lesbian who forced themselves to date guys in my past, let me answer some questions:
1. Like someone else said, wetness =/= horny. Sorta like how you can get a boner and not actually be turned on. Same general principle.
2. There's a chance you misinterpreted her "passion filled eyes". Either because some people are good at faking or because that's how you WANTED to interpret it.
3. A lot of gay people have tried dating the opposite sex because they feel pressured to for one reason or another. She's probably no exception.
It's a shitty position to be in but try to be understanding. Unpacking the mess that is your sexuality is a tough thing for any non straight person to do.
