Do I take it?
23, haven't dressed in actual girls clothes for a number of years. Felt I was trans since before I heard the term.
Have recently come out to some of my closer friends and even my mother (who I suspected would disown me but didn't).
Did so because I've been suicidal over this and being overwhelmed with anxiety & stress.
The question is, /lgbt/, do I go ahead with trying to get hold of some fem & ems? The psychs I've been to seem to be happy to just prescribe it based on my word, but I feel like I should have someone go through my experiences and analyze them, then tell me that I am or am not transgender.
Do I go for it? I already feel hopeless for waiting this long, and I'm certain I will kill myself fairly soon if I don't, but then I might even if I do because of having to deal with it in addition to the other stuff going on in my life.
tl;dr female-identifying dude unsure if should go through with HRT despite recent mild doubts
>>6138411
also pic somewhat related obviously but is a rando from google images
Just do you. If you are concerned with everyone else's thoughts and judgment, move! Plenty of amazingly liberal people and places all up and down California if you aren't already living here.
>>6138483
I live in the most liberal part of my country (Australia).
I guess something that's causing me a massive headache is whether or not my anxiety with life in general will pass or whether I need to address the gender dysphoria first.
People say not to transition if you're not completely mentally healthy, but it seems like a lot of other issues can be caused or exacerbated by gender dysphoria.
tl;dr do I want to transition because my life sucks or does my life suck because I want to transition?
Have you sought out professional help yet?
>>6138502
>I live in the most liberal part of my country (Australia).
but Byron Bay is overrated desu :^)
Unless you're a chris-chan tier spacker, or suffer from some psychotic disorder, you can probably be sure of your feelings. A lot of people feel shit. Some need mental health treatment for it. But rest assured it's not a common thing for them to feel strongly that transitioning with solve one piece of the puzzle when it actually isn't.
>>6138524
>Have you sought out professional help yet?
see
>>6138411
>The psychs I've been to...
>>6138524
Yes. The waiting times are quite long and I'm in a 2 month one at the moment till I can fulfil another appointment or two, which will apparently result in HRT.
>>6138529
Melbourne is rainy but it's also arty and progressive :) Being a musician makes it especially good for me.
I definitely want to be a girl. Thinking about changing my name, having the boobs I was so disappointed not to grow as a teenager, my proportions feeling more right - all of this fills me with anticipation and even some happiness.
On the other hand, I am aware that there are going to be some real lows that can break anyone, especially someone who already is fragile. I guess I'm afraid that instead of killing myself, I'd go through what a lot of people would view as humiliation and pain for months or maybe even years before just meeting the inevitable.
I dunno, man, I just dunno.
>>6138531
Im sorry, I fear that I am too ignorant to the current state of affairs in the trans world. I could give you cliche advice that would get you nowhere if you'd like?
>>6138556
Oh, and in trying to not write it first - SRS/GRS is pretty important to me, and the current state of that worries me a lot. Self lubrication & at least plausible depth are pretty much necessities, to the point I would not have bottom surgery without them.
>>6138565
It's nice to be cared about :)
What makes you sure it would get me nowhere?
>>6138570
OK here it goes:
Enjoy more of the little things in life and sometimes the big things shrink in your mind. Big things are harder to handle. Smaller things are easier. Trans-Women should know this fairly well ;)
>>6138577
haha I'm following the innuendo
Honestly that's what I've been trying to do the past 2 years and I've just sunk further and further into debt and drugs trying to take my mind off how restless and uncomfortable I feel all the time.
Also, you said, "someone should go through your experiences and tell you if you are TG or not"?
I think that might start by you sharing your experiences first.
>>6138600
I thought it was already pretty selfish to start a thread about me & I shouldn't assume people would read an even bigger wall of text.
Just share your self how you want to be shared. It the internet, man/woman. Just do what feels best!
>>6138556
ffs it was honestly a toss-up, i had a nagging suspicion that you were actually in Melbourne.
>>6138566
i worry about it too, but more about the impact that having to dilate frequently would have, standing as a reminder that i'm not natural. and i worry that i'd get some infection too. i guess that's just part of the deal though.
i went through various stages.
at first, i was averse to the butchery of surgery and only planned on an orchi. i thought i could use my hose for peeing still (since i'm going into an outdoor job). i sure as hell am not sticking it in anyone else.
but then i thought well, i'm not attached to it. it doesn't perform any real function apart from making peeing more convenient, except when you're in public and wearing a gaff, it's not more convenient. it's a hassle and a constant reminder that you're a freak.
i found out about partial/cosmetic SRS that removes everything, involves labiaplasty, and has no more depth than a dimple to give it superficial appearance. convenient, low maintenance, easy to clean, all of that.
then it gradually dawned on me i'd get sick and tired of having to go through the prep for anal just to get penetrated.
so... what do we do hah
>>6138603
it's a thread you started if people don't want to get involved in it they can go browse for other threads. it's not like you're spamming it in someone else's general. go for it.
>>6138556
No cis person would go to the effort of researching, putting thought to and posting about mones. http://freethoughtblogs.com/nataliereed/2012/04/17/the-null-hypothecis/
just #believe, noone in Melbourne really gives a fuck. Go to a YGender event and meet another MtF for support if you need it. They have intro nights on some Wednesday nights in Carlton, have a google. Don't go more than twice though, the vast majority of people there are afab genderqueer.
Getting on mones was one of the best decisions I've ever made, even if it took all of my friends by surprise. If you end up sort of mostly-passing in Melbourne, people give you a tonne of respect just for existing. Heck, people are even ok to trannies who purposely grow out their beards and genderfuck.
>>6138607
I hope to do that one day :)
>>6138616
It's usually one or the other :P
I worried about dilation too but over the years of thinking about it I guess I figured I would have to masturbate sometime, and at some point I would find a partner, either of which could make that... Well, less shitty in theory.
Yeah having to deal with tucking and whatnot for years would wear me down.
If there ever is a point where I can put on womens' jeans and just see a lovely flat/slightly curved front, I will cry with happiness for quite a while.
Can understand the appeal of one with no depth but even though I would date another MtF who had had something like that done I probably wouldn't want it for myself.
I would call my condition suicidal at the moment, so I'm not sure what HRT will do for or against that but I guess that depends on how much of what I feel is gender dysphoria.
>>6138600
I guess a clarification would be that I'm not sure which experiences are relevant, let alone in which capacity.
When I think about transitioning I feel a lot of hope and just really intense emotions when I picture any part of myself (or just myself) as female. Like a combination of longing and happy tears I guess. I do feel a degree of hopelessness with regards to how I look but that would get less intense if I were to start HRT, apparently.
Then I think about where the rest of my life is: I have no money, I can barely hold it together in the job I have, forcing myself to talk, walk and move a certain way, even so getting insulted & stared at for my long hair. It's so exhausting and that alone is enough to make me want to end it. Every single job has just been an exercise in acting. I feel ashamed of how hard this makes work for me. Really ashamed.
1/2
glad to see people like me around here. let's chat ;) r_bartolotta@gmail
>>6138600
I live with my sister after not being able to afford to live on my own anymore (had to move out at 19). She knows I'm trans but she hasn't bothered to look anything up about it in the year since I've told her. She tells me to "get out there and do normal things, it's all in your head" a lot, along with things like "You're a freeloader and you don't try". Since I moved in here I have paid her some rent whenever I've been able.
She is from an older generation so I guess it's harder for her to understand, however she does know that I'm struggling.
I have a bunch of financial debt but nothing impossible to overcome. A couple Gs. Some legal issues around not turning up to appointments/meetings (days spent in bed crying).
Ultimately I feel like if I didn't have to worry about just having a place to live a lot every couple days or how I'm going to eat I could probably handle transition fine, but since I depend on being able to knock myself out when the overwhelming white noise that is how I feel inevitably comes back I'm hardly stable enough to stabilize my life.
>>6138704
While I would love to, surely you can understand my trepidation at exchanging emails with someone on 4chan.
>>6138746
lol i would never exchange my main e-mail address here, but most create an alternate account or something to get in touch with people.
>>6138755
You can reach me here for the next 10 mins.
[email protected]
>>6138758
i'm not the other anon from melbourne tho.
if you have skype and wanna talk to me at all, my ID is dys3rd
>>6138732
Well, as much as it sounds distasteful, I'd recommend finding some way to enjoy some creative venting and focus on getting stable before attempting to change your life permanently and potentially making it exponentially harder. OR you can do what one of my TransMale friends has done and start a go fund me to support you through living and transition.
>>6138411
It's very normal to feel doubtful when you're on the cusp like this. The reason your psychs are willing to just take your word is that only you can know. No one can go through your experiences and tell you. If you want to start, then start. If you end up not liking it you can stop at any time. You'll know pretty quickly if it's the oh choice for you.
Before I started HRT I was really doubtful as well. I decided to focus on what I wanted right then and not worry so much about how I would feel later because: 1) there's no way to know how you'll feel in the future, 2) you have several months where you can back out without any permanent changes
>>6138773
It doesn't sound distasteful at all.
I do have some creative venting (I play a variety of instruments and am working on writing and recording an album to occupy my mind)
Is there anything more you could recommend I try?
>>6138793
Are there not some t-blockers that cause infertility relatively quickly? How are their effects compared with ones that don't (if you know)? Not that I want kids unless I can carry them - just something I figure it would be possible to regret.
I may have to go very soon but I thank all the anons who have responded, & hope I get to talk to you again soon :)
>>6138813
yo i'm textwalling you on skype about anti-androgens and fertility if you want more detail.
>>6138411
op if you want i'm sure there are plenty of guys who will fuck your asshole and call it a pussy and make you wear panties and play with your titties and generally make you feel like a pretty girl without you needing to transition or even shave your beard
>>6138840
tbqh senpai I would be fine without a partner of any kind if I could just be happy with myself.
>>6138847
so do you have any nudes
>>6138411
As soon as I got into it, it all started falling into place. Once I went to get my name changed, I never looked back even once. I've been nervous about going out dressed on many occasions early on, but that fades fairly quickly too. Basically if you don't get awkward and stand out, you won't.
I've gone through subways, trains, airports, a few courtrooms, many crowds, and even a water park once(let me tell you that was nerve-wracking) in the first 5 months of my transition. Now I am up to 10 months and I barely ever worry about anything like that now. If it helps, I started at 30 and the results have been amazing so far.
>>6138856
D'you know I've never wanted to see myself naked without it being necessary.
>>6138870
you seem to have no problems taking selfies of your bearded face. if anything your naked body should be more pleasant to look at because it'd be more androgynous than that beard
>>6138813
If you havent already, take up jazz. Best thing for my mental health since breathing. It's emotional and immersive and challenging. all good things to help you ground your self.
MOney seems to be your current operative problem. Seeking ways to increase your cash flow would be #1 or #2 on my agenda next to creative venting so as to not overwhelm yourself by just living.
Regardless of your decision about your gender, you need money to live. Being broke fucks with your head
>>6138945
Prog rock has had that effect for me. I got into it over the past year.
Money is definitely a major problem. I'm between a rock and a hard place a little with that, having no opportunity or ability to switch vocations without temporary support or overcoming my anxiety problems (which sometimes keep me indoors for days at a time). The anxiety started as very clearly being found out for acting like a girl but over time it's gotten pretty all-encompassing.
It's probably worth mentioning that I was ready to come out and transition at 19 but my parents happened to split up in that year and move to different parts of the world. Since then I've just been trying to hold it together but the past few years are all just a blur of drugs and alcohol now.
>>6138979
You know, I dont know Aus very well. But in the US, you could find some incredibly interesting characters working in hipster coffee shops, in food trucks, and progressive art events. You aren't the lone scared person on that big ass island, friend. I'm 100% certain there are LGBT groups that can help humans who want to feel like themselves be productive members of society.
Get way out of your comfort zone.
>>6139002
Are there groups that could help someone like me find a job I can actually stick at and transition? :O
You're right in that getting completely out of the comfort zone and being able to do that would do an absolute world of good.
OP here. Getting some shut-eye. Will return in several hours. Enjoy your early morning, /lgbt/ :)
>>6139026
If you don't look, you wont know. If there isn't one, Maybe you'll start one? Maybe you'll be the catalyst to make Aus a more accepting place for those in need. Or maybe someone has already done it and is waiting for someone like you to send an e-mail? Who knows? You.
