I want to commit suicide and every night this feeling gets stronger and stronger. It's a long story on my life but the simple version is I was homeless for the second time not too long ago last year. I was in Iowa and I attempted to commit suicide. My parents denounced me and after I was released from the hospital I lived in my car for about a month untill I used that last bit of money I had to come down here too Alabama. This is the only state I had friends in cause I moved so much in my life. I cam down here and a previous friend let me stay for a few weeks untill they got upset over a game of bingo I won they took me too that I didn't want to go to. They eventually got very pissed off cause they were compulsive gamblers that I left to not make it any worse. I went to another friend who took me in. From there I got a job working in a pharmacy making decent money trying to pay rent to them. Untill they wanted more rent I couldn't afford then I left to go somewhere I could. I came to where I am now. They seemed like nice people but they have some issues with me (nothing illegal I want to add. I'm not someone who does drugs or steals). They have been uncomfortable with me for a while and they just told me tonight that I need to be gone in 15 days. I have no friends, no family, and no one too talk to. I called the suicide line but it's always busy and if someone answers it's someone who doesn't care. I have worked so hard to just get to where I am now. And I have also just recently found out I have Asperger's. It has just been enough.
I don't have anything but they car I am driving and some clothes. And I worked so hard just to keep that. I dont know what to do and want to give up. But I keep thinking about how hard I have worked to go just this small distance. But I don't think I can anymore. There is so much in my life where I tried so hard but got virtually no where. I have been raped and beaten and even more then that. I am constantly depressed and paranoid and what can go wrong next cause it usually will go wrong. I just have this urge to end it all but this small tiny piece of hope that maybe one day I will have a normal life. Where I can have friends and a real relationship with people who like me for who I am. But even I dont like myself. I don't know if I am going to go through with it or not tonight and don't know if anyone will read this long post but I just don't know what to do. If I don't go through with suicide what do I do? Where do I live? What will happen to my job? Will I become that lonely person I think I will become constantly in the back of my mind. Is my future worth living through?
My number is 8105130668. I hope no one thinks I'm trolling but I'm not. This is real.
Fuck, I'm sorry to hear that. Did you take that picture? Love the scenery.
I was depressed and homeless so I went to Australia and started living in hostels. I think I'm healing now.
