ITT: What is your opinion on people asking, "What are you pronouns?"
I was just at a board game group where some dude had been convinced by some blue hair tumblr non-binary fuck face that asking peoples pronouns was polite.
I'm a passing transwoman who's been living completely stealth. I haven't been clocked in over a year. I got asked for my pronouns and I panicked and had leave (I pretended to be salty about losing the game we were playing).
Why do people think it's a good idea to ask these things? It's insulting as fuck. You're basically saying you're ugly and mannish. Even if I were cis I'd be pissed off.
>>5853581
i get beyond mad and immediately associate a person asking about pronouns to be sjws
What game was it?
>>5853590
Werewolf
>>5853581
Well sis I gotta tell you if you got asked your PGP you might not pass that well. I normally don't ask until I see someone trans then ask everyone to state their PGP to not single out anyone.
Though I went to an orthodox Jewish thing and some guy was talking to me and he asked my PGP and I almost cried with joy because like at least he was aware of trans anything (I practice tznuit but mix gendered clothing. when I'm not around frum people people just use she.)
>>5853581
So you want people to innately know just how insane you are? If you were a reasonable person I'd just call you "he" and "him", so if you're crazy enough to reject those labels how am I to know which ones you want instead?
>>5853605
>werewolf
>board game
>>5853581
It doesn't matter tbqh. It only gets annoying if they apply special rules to people who don't pass, or insist it is insulting to do anything less than ask every person you meet their pronouns.
>>5853581
Yeah, if they only ask "trans-looking" people for their pronouns, that's pretty shit, but what's wrong with just asking everyone?
I mean, it's silly, but where's the actual harm if it really becomes just as ingrained as asking for someone's name?
>>5853628
This
>>5853628
Because it's dumb, adds huge overhead to social interaction if you ask LITERALLY EVERYONE YOU MEET and it's unnecessary for 99.999% of the population.
>>5853645
Not only unnecessary but insulting to every cis-person.
>>5853645
You realize you only have to ask once, right?
I hardly think
>hey, what's your name and what pronouns do you like?
is huge overhead in comparison to
>hey, what's your name
I'd like to know why people get upset when they're asked what their preferred pronouns are. I've been asked once or twice in an LGBT group setting, but even then I don't see an issue with it. It's not like people are intentionally trying to rustle you by asking. If anything they don't want to offend at all, so I can at least give them props for attempting to be considerate.
I don't know. Maybe I'm just weird.
>>5853613
>I'm a passing transwoman who's been living completely stealth.
>If you were a reasonable person I'd just call you "he" and "him"
you call people who look like women "he" and "him"? are you crazy?
>>5853684
Cis person
>Ugh, do they think I'm trans? I'm not ugly.
FtM
>Ugh, do they know I'm trans? I'm not ugly and pass fine.
MtF
>Ugh, do they know I'm trans? I know I'm ugly and don't need the reminder.
>>5853581
was he just asking everyone?
i mean theres no real reason to panic if he was
>>5853697
This desu senpai.
It's ridiculous to think that any one who's actually trans would want this.
>>5853713
>Trans person is misgendered
>Gets offended
>Trans person is asked what pronouns they prefer
>Still gets offended
You can't win.
>>5853716
You're just supposed to use your mind-reading powers.
>>5853717
>tfw cant read minds
check ur telepathic privilege shitlord
>>5853716
That's not what I'm arguing at all. I think pronouns are something you have to earn through passing. Besides the ones pushing this whole 'ask for pronouns' schtick are tumblr-teir genderfucks with retarded pronouns like ze and xer.
>>5853645
Agreed. If my spider-sense is tingling I just use "they" until otherwise informed.
>>5853708
>"I asked you because I was seated next to you. Early that day, I asked the two other people who were also early to my lecture their pronouns."
I messaged him afterwards to tell it's a rude thing to ask anyone. He still doesn't know I'm trans.
>>5853581
Asking someone for their pronouns can play out in two ways,
1) The person is cis, and you make them uncomfortable because it sounds like you can't tell if they look like a man or a woman.
2) The person is trans, and you make them uncomfortable because it makes them paranoid about not passing, and sticking out as visibly trans.
3) The person is non-binary, and has likely already told you their pronouns, because non-binary people are guaranteed to be gendered based on appearance to people they don't know.
So in short, it benefits nobody. Nobody.
>>5853581
Asking for pronouns is fucking retarded. Why not just not gender the person the way you see them, and then if the person corrects you, just go with it? They shouldn't get so triggered, ffs.
>>5853730
This.
Our counselling and therapy department at school has bought into it as well. I tried explaining why it was stupid to them and they really didn't get it.
It sounds nice in theory but all my experiences with it have been bizarre.
Like...why would my therapist even ask? I'm a trans woman. What else were my preferred pronouns going to be?
>>5853946
they dont get anything related to transgender issues, never did
they just do whatever their superiors tells them to do, in accordance with recent trends and such
>closted trans
>being referred to as female is uncomfortable
>would feel like a liar asking to be referred to as male
I refer to myself as female but as vaguely as I can, gets my friends doing it too sometimes which is pretty neat.
>>5854006
im closeted too buy I have no trouble referring to myself as male
referring to myself as female would feel like a lie, and an insult to what I want to look like but I don't
I am offended if people call me a girl outside sexual context
>>5853730
>I think pronouns are something you have to earn through passing
Exactly.
If a person looks like a woman; female
If a person looks like a man; male
If they look like a man trying to look like a woman, go female
If they look like a woman trying to look like a man, find out if theyre a butch dyke, then go male.
>>5853985
They were literally telling me that my body dysphoria was due to our society, and beauty standards. That's what they really think! But they're our "allies". My conservative relatives understood me better than they did.
>>5853609
Wow a frum guy actually respected your identified gender? I thought the frummies were very against that; maybe this guy is red pill on the whole neuroscience behind it though. Mazel tov anyway anon.
>>5853581
I don't think there's anything wrong with asking people their pronouns. I mean there really isn't any way to tell what someone's gender identity is just based on their appearance.
>>5853628
>I mean, it's silly, but where's the actual harm if it really becomes just as ingrained as asking for someone's name?
>Ask some guys what their pronouns are
>They kick the shit out of you for insinuating they're trannies
That's the harm. Jesus Christ do you all live in upper class neighbourhoods in San Fag Cisco?
>>5853982
You might prefer male ones until you pass. If people use she and you don't look female, it might feel meaningless and patronizing to you.
you have to be the force for good trannies in the world OP. Someone has to balance out the problem-glasses.
Itt: We learn we can't ask questions without offending someone
Why do people care so much about gender specific pronouns? What if we had a gender neutral pronoun? Would the whole problem go away, or would you demand that people call you your desired gender specific pronoun?
>>5854028
This isn't a fool proof solution. Some guys like to look femmy but still prefer to be referred to as a male.
The best way is to ask what they prefer. If they get offended, they have personal problems that aren't your fault.
>>5855652
Well it's a pretty simple; if some gets pissy about pronouns, you say "Okay" then you turn around, walk away, and never speak to that person again.
is it bad I don't want any pronouns?
>>5855718
No. I think we should have a gender neutral pronoun.
>>5854149
>red pill on the whole neuroscience behind it
sauce?
>>5855603
I wish I could anon, I've even had the chance to become one of the primary voices for trans-people in my country but I had to turn the opportunity down because I value living stealth too much. I feel like a selfish sack of shit.
We really need someone who's passing and attractive with moderate centrist political views, strong debating skills, and a rational & well balanced approach to the science behind it.
Sadly our representation is mostly limited to Caitlyn Jenner and special-snowflake tumblr fucks.
i don't know why you wouldn't want the feedback as to whether you actually look like a girl or not, instead of people just calling you one out of fear you'll kill yourself if they don't
>>5854018
you get offended...? Even before I really knew I was trans and my family called me a girl to goad me into getting a haircut I never disliked being referred to as female.
>>5853581
Annoyed by my own first thoughts to the question that are usually along the lines of, "I'm a gay man, so what other pronouns am I supposed to have other than male ones; and what exactly are you implying with that question?"
The question is meant to be very polite progressive and accepting of all people (i.e. nosy virtue signaling bull shit). And even though I know it is not meant to; it comes off to me as support for the stereotype that gay men are effeminate.
>>5853605
Excellent taste.
>>5853581
Everybody at my college introduces themselves with their pronouns. As a stealth MtF, it makes me a little bit uncomfortable. Ignorance is bliss.
>>5853650
Yeah, I'm a cis bulldyke and I get asked my pronouns occasionally. I actually find it more offensive than being called "sir" in restaurants or whatever.
>>5853694
You never know when one of those trannies is going to sneak up on you. Constant vigilance!
>>5855661
>misgendering femboys
I promise they won't be offended.
>>5853628
1. Not everywhere is a liberal haven.
2. It unnerves stealth trannies and makes them think they don't pass.
3. It unnerves closeted people, like say a trans minor who's out with their transphobic mom shopping or something. Ask them their pronouns, they'll be forced to lie about it and just in general make them uncomfortable
3. Cis people obviously are gonna get offended because you're essentially saying they don't look like their assigned gender
4. It's not necessary in the end, just say a pronoun and if it's the wrong one more often that not you'll be corrected. Or just use gender neutral pronouns.
>>5857714
but special snowflakes will be happy!
