/k/ I want to join the military, but I am medically unfit. I'll throw you my story real quick-
>25, Dual American-German Citizen
>Crazy single mother basically kidnapped my brother and I from the states. I get picked up from middle school in Orlando and 9 hours later I'm in Frankfurt
>Strongly dislike Germany
>Strongly disagree with the current trend of the Politics inside of the EU.
>No Money
>No Family left to go back to in the U.S.
So I want to join the military, because I literally have no other way to get out of this shithole. The problem is that I am disqualified from any military service due to a cystic kidney. Apart from trace amounts of blood in my urine which I could attribute to a recovering bladder infection, this can only be noticed if someone was to mri me.
So here's my question.
If I was to get up right now, go the airport and buy a 800$ ticket to the east coast. Walk to the nearest recruiter and tell him that I'm a homeless American Citizen who wants to sign up. What would my chances of weaseling through be?
Would I manage to last? Or would my first medical bust me?
If you have blood in your urine you can't just say it's a bladder infection and leave it at that, they'll want to investigate and even if you somehow make it go away that one time, medicals are fairly regular, especially when you're new.
you fucking idiot
>>30343806
Nigga what. Drug tests are, but once you are in you are in no one is doing penis inspection day.
>>30343806
>>30343815
Damn..
It was a nice day dream for the 5 minutes it lasted, I guess. Thanks /k/. I guess I'll go and watch Europe burn as it's flooded with doctors and rocket scientists. There's not much else I can do I suppose.
>>30343895
They're not asking you to piss in a cup during the physical because the corpsman gets thirsty.
Nigga I got medicaled out of basic, don't do it if you know your unfit, you'll save yourself a lot of problems. A medical discharge ain't fun, especially if your med boarded, thing can take YEARS!
>>30343923
No, that's just n unintended side benefit
there was a man who was marooned by pirates. he faced certain death, but survived by drinking rain water and fishing with thread from his clothes and a safety pin from his jacket. he survived out on the ocean for 150 days before being picked up by sailors. When he got back to england, he applied for the navy, but was rejected because he was flat footed.
point being, sometimes you're just unlucky. Maybe they'll let you join if there's some huge war and everyone gets called up
>>30343781
Hello. Retired military here. A few things.
No: The military wont help you out as you are now. If you can stop pissing blood though, and fake a normal kidney function for a few months you can creep on in. Say nothing, records, in particular, international medical are not worth the governments time tracking down unless you are a plague monkey.
It sounds like your dad was military? If so you qualifiy for a whole fucking host of benefits here in the US. You probably speak German? This is useful to the US intelligence community.
I have an uncle who became a Federal Agent with a known case of diabetes, because he could pass the requirements, got multiple written doctors notes that his issues were under control and were not going to get worse in the foreseeable future, and he fought for it.
You could come here for college, get a degree, get a job here. Join the commercial sector. If you want this shit, you will come and fucking take it. In the US you are free, and that means free enough to fail, and try again, or just give up and walk way like a bitch.
Fucker, you are dual citizen, you have language skills, at 25 I suspect you have some form of higher education, do you not know that you could get an intelligence job, or job with the department of foreign affairs like *snap snap*.
Fuck you. Keep trying, find a way, and earn your keep.
You don't have to be a US citizen to join the military, they make you one when they graduate. A guy in my flight from the Philippines got his own ceremony at my USAF graduation
>>30343781
So your plan was to join the armed forces of the USA, as a German citizen, with no proof of citizenship, no home address, no proof of school graduation in the US, and on top of all that blood in your piss?
You do know they give you a background check, right? And they test you pretty heavily before going in. Don't want people with like AIDS or cancer getting into the military for the healthcare. If you get cancer once in they will help you, but not before.
You are retarded.
>>30344378
I knew corpsmen were kinky fuckers but that seems to cross a line.
>>30344460
hey man, it's not like anyone wants it back after they're done with testing it
>>30344475
Fair enough.
>>30343781
>I'm a homeless American Citizen who wants to sign up.
Sorry friend, but you should realize it often takes the better part of a year before a new recruit ships to boot camp.
>>30343781
>Dual American-German Citizen
>No Money
>No Family left to go back to in the U.S.
>If I was to get up right now, go the airport and buy a 800$ ticket to the east coast...
So you have SOME money. You don't need family to live somewhere. What's your education/work experience? You could show up somewhere with a low cost of living (try the Midwest), and/or live in a homeless shelter for a little while until you can rent a place.
Even if you have shit for edu/work experience you could probably have someone suggest a town that needs willing bodies, if you're willing to work.
It's the citizenship that's the hard part and you have that, the rest is easy.
>>30344416
>What is dual citizenship
No, anon. You are the retard
>>30343781
Join the french foreign legion. They sing german songs and you'll have a Famas.
>>30343781
Have you at least graduated the german equivalent of highschool? Because if you have you meet one of the standard.
You may be able to get a checkup with a doctor once stateside to write off your kidney problem as "under control". C'mon anon, we could always use another.
OP here, didn't expect this many answers. Thanks for the kind words guys.
>>30344385
>Huge war
If there's going to be a huge war anytime soon it'll be here anyways, Anon. So I might as well save the 800$. But I appreciate the analogy.
>>30344386
Grandfather was military. Dad was a deadbeat drunk who never got his shit in a row before the smoking and alcohol got him at 50.
I don't have a degree. Being thrown into cold water in a new country fucked my schooling. I spent the last few years working office jobs instead. It would take me 4 years from now to get a bachelors here. On the plus side, college is basically free here and you get paid to go.
That might be an option to consider, if I think I can sit on the powder keg for that long. Thanks for the ass kick man. I guess I need that right now.
>>30345264
Damn. A whole year? I guess there's not a big demand for cannon fodder right now.
>>30345303
Total savings of 3000€. German equivalent of highschool, 1 year landscaping / Carpentry and 4 years at a Government job in a library.
If anyone knows any states that aren't Florida, I'm all ears.
>>30343781
As soon as he sees blood in your urine you're fucking out you dumbshit.
>>30344386
>You probably speak German? This is useful to the US intelligence community.
Hello, 1940's are you there?
>>30343781
medfag again, I saw you in that /pol/ thread
Your PCKD puts you at massive risk for aneurysm -- that's the problem, not your kidneys
why US mil and not bundeswehr? maybe you could work as a desk jockey translator?
Just come work for Bosch or siemans germanbro. Eastern NC has several plants, low cost of living and pretty good gun laws
>>30347524
Also no Muslims. Just Otis and Julio
>>30343781
Just live in Europe on autism bux
>>30343781
You're already in the right spot
The war is going to happen in Europe
>>30347524
Just avoid the SC branches, fuck I hate this state... I wanna come back home to NC.
>>30344263
Med discharge in basic isn't the same as a med board. If you medboard you at least get a check for the rest of your life.
>>30347053
As a Floridafag...
You escaped once, don't make the mistake twice.
Move out midwest or up north, think Montana or Vermont.
Hey OP, where in Germany are you at?
Fellow Germanon here
You should be asleep my dude
>>30343916
Go hit up the French foreign legion. Good luck.
>>30347984
>Floridafag
i can't wait to grad and gtfo
>>30347984
What's so bad about Florida? Is this some new meme?
>>30347986
hi, i'm another german-american and i was wondering f you could help me out. I'm going to germany for a month to take language lessons to help get fluent, and then going back to the us for uni. If i want to move to germany what should i do to be employable. also is germany worth moving to?
>>30343781
fun fact: You can actually be recruited from overseas, there's probably a US army/navy/airforce recruiter for Germany that you can contact, this would help you with your no money problem, however a regional recruiter will be more knowledgeable about Germany stuff and might actually know how to poke at your foreign medical records.
Dual nationality isn't any kind of barrier to recruitment, obviously, I'm a dual nationality British-American critizen and I left Europe and moved to the states for reasons similar to yours.
I just looked up what I needed to do to get a US passport and a social security number, went to the US embassy, walked past all the fags standing in line for a visa, applied for it, got it in the mail and then booked a flight. It's no big deal so long as you have your form of ID (passport), your social security card, your long or short form birth certificate and documentation of your highschool equivalent education.
Urinalysis in the military is done primarily for drugs, not to detect medical problems, but it's still your major concern, specifically the one done at MEPS, before or after that is much less important.
If there's not always blood in your pee, or if you can do something to make your pee have less blood in it for some period of time, or if there's only very slight traces of blood in your pee just fucking do it.
Also don't lie about your national background, that will actually cause problems with regard to security clearances and shit.
>>30348126
Well if you really want to work here and be a "good" immigrant you need to speak german, get a permanent residence and find work in Germany(best before even moving here)
You are employable just by being a functioning human being, but won't make much unless you have what I mentioned before. Would be best to either have a trade or degree, HS diploma probably won't get you anything good.
To be honest with you though, it's not worth it. This place is going down the drain REAL fast, and even though there's more and more people realising hoe shit it is it's too late now. I believe germany is iredeemable. That's why I will get out as soon as I have studied a trade, if not even before that. The only good nations left worth moving to would be Switzerland or Trumps USA, plus Eastern countries like poland if you don't mind slavs.
>>30348120
Well for me, it is the humidity, weather, and people (though I understand you can't really control that one.)
Some days though, you wake up and go for a walk down the road, boom, instantly soaked in sweat. The weather too, it could be the sunniest day and you'll get poured on by rain.
That said, I do like the sea breeze and the Keys are alright.
>>30343781
I fail to understand why you don't just come over and stay. Get an odd job doing *something.* Anything.
>>30347053
Move to AZ. It's hot but vet friendly and gun friendly. Plus cost of living is good.
>>30348000
>>30343916
>Go hit up the French foreign legion. Good luck.
Not the worst idea.
>>30348258
Holy shit I totally forgot about this. There are recruiters in Germany. I knew a few kids who joined when I was AD that came from Germany because that's where there parents were. Literally shipped to basic from Germany. Might have had to do MEPS stateside en route or something but it absolutely can be done. Go to the closest American installation and find out how to get in touch with the recruiter.
Truckerfag here. Since you're already a US citizen have you thought about becoming an OTR trucker to get a good income coming in, then settling down? Disregard all of this if I'm wrong, but it seems to me like you're looking to set up in the US more than joining the US military for its own sake.
A simple kidney problem is no barrier to getting a CDL, and there are plenty of training companies that will train you to drive a semi with no out of pocket costs in exchange for signing a year-long employment obligation with them. Drive for a,year or two, see the country, and settle down wherever the hell you want to with a nice middle-class local trucking job.
tl:dr bro you already have US citizenship, 99% of your 'I want to move to the land of guns and pussy' problem is already taken care of.
>>30348399
Oh OK, Louisiana here that sounds normal to me. Much rather the heat than snow.
>>30344403
That's only true during wartime. I am an ausfag who would gladly join the US military if it got me citizenship, but you can't apply without a green card during peacetime.
pls some /k/ommando, sneakily gay marry me. lets get some benefit out of the degeneracy taking over our culture. I need me some freedom
>>30343781
No one is going to MRI you in MEPS unless you give them a reason or your medical records suggest you have some problems that merit an MRI.
>>30352750
The global war on terror is considered a war.
There were literal Kenyans non-citizens in my bootcamp division with me. You can still sign up to receive citizenship.
>>30347053
You could come to Pennsylvania.
>The problem is that I am disqualified from any military service due to a cystic kidney. Apart from trace amounts of blood in my urine which I could attribute to a recovering bladder infection, this can only be noticed if someone was to mri me.
No the US military isn't the FFL. It takes months upon months to join. Find your father and move in with him until you can find a regular job in the US. Sorry to say but due to your background overseas you'll never qualify as anything more /k/ than armed security.
>>30347053
>Carpentry
There's a shortage of carpenters in the Washington, D.C. area. A union apprentice starts out making like $18/hour or so.
>>30343781
Dude, just do the free German school thing and come to the states as an engineer or whatever. While in school, save up you euros and dollars and have you BoB packed for when SHTF and you need to go home to the States.
>>30352851
Uuh his background won't affect shit. He'd just do the standard homeland security interview where the guy asks if you're a terrorist or if you'd have problems invading your home country.
>>30344403
Your post makes it sound as if they force citizenship on foreign enlistees. They offer, and you can turn it down. When I went through basic we had a dude from China turn down citizenship when it was offered.
