>Working inna copshop
>trying to figure out why this laptop for a squad car has no sound
>figure it out
>meanwhile, clacking sounds from the squad room
>figure someone is logjamming the space bar for who knows why
>boss tells me one of the squad room machines has a problem and to go figure out WTF these retards did
>meanwhile [clacking intensifies]
>enter squad room
>cops checking out someone's new sidearm
>Oh so that's what the clacking wa-
>"Hey is this thing loaded?"
>racks slide
>cop whose sidearm it is stiffens
>"It is now dumbass"
>everyone stands there while the Deputy Chief realizes he chambered a round while the gun was pointed at the Chief, some officer, and the IT guy
>walk over to computer in question
>laugh internally as the DC slooooowly unloads the sidearm and hands it back
>turns out some dipshit upgraded to IE 11
>none of the state website stuff supports over IE 9
Retarded cops thread?
Retarded cops thread.
>>29708016
I'd rather hear more stories from you than share my own desu.
Have any more from where that came from?
>>29708073
Hrm. Let's see.
>the case of the fucked up touch-screen
>body camera Boogaloo
>turns out we need MORE surveillance
>ITanon is accused of stealing 3 shitty Dell PCs
Take your pick, the cops have so far not been retards about firearms. Except for the OP, that was full retard.
>>29708125
You know the answers gotta be "All of them".
The Case of the FUBAR Touch-Screen
>called in because "Car 4 mouse is stuck"
>arrive
>okay, what the fuck do you mean stuck?
>Chief hands me the laptop
>log in
>mouse pointer at center of screen
>try to click on start menu
>mouse rubber-bands back to the center
>what
>try various different ways of moving the mouse
>always rubber-bands back
>how does this even happen
>look at Chief
>"The fuck did you do?"
>I didn't do anything, the officer who had Car 4 brought it in like this.
>end up taking laptop back to HQ because I have other things to do
>try reinstalling touch screen drivers
>nyetcomrade.EXE
>eventually decide to reinstall Windows and hope for the best
>spend a day hunting for the disks because despite standing orders to NEVER dispose of the media, people dispose of the goddamn media
>reinstall Windows after finding the disks in a completely different PD
>mouse is fine
>give it back to the Chief so the Deputy Chief can reinstall all the software
>as I go to leave the building, the DC calls out
>"It's happening again"
>he had it for .3 minutes
>machine is at a dead crawl
>I/O is completely flooded
>mouse is again stuck to the center
>take laptop
>notice the area in which the mouse is stuck is about the size of a knuckle
>disable touch screen on a hunch
>this takes 30 minutes because the machine is barely responding to input
>as soon as the command goes through, machine becomes infinitely more responsive
>determine someone hauled off and punched the screen
>touch screen on this model of Toughbook is two layers of material that recognizes touch when pressure is sufficient to connect both layers
>the punch jammed the layers together in an area slightly larger than a knuckle
>the Touch-Screen was registering thousands of inputs a second because of this
>tell Chief what happened
>tell Chief to buy new Toughbook
>he grumbles about money
>shrug
>leave
>DC goes and buys replacement on eBay
>>29708252
Lel
>>29708125
>turns out we need MORE surveillance
Why?
>>29708252
holy fuck lol
I got arrested by a sheriff who for whatever reason had a loaded shotgun in his rear seat I was sitting in
I kept telling him but he told me that as long as I am cuffed I am fine
Idk felt weird to me
>>29708016
>>none of the state website stuff supports over IE 9
You're an Illinois cop aren't you?
>>29708300
>"Hey, can you pull lobby footage from [date/time]? We're getting sued."
>the fuck did you do in the lobby
>turns out a detective was meeting with the mother of a nigga with warrants
>"So why I here?"
>"Ma'am I just wanted to make sure everything possible has been done to bring your son in safely. If you could talk to him and have him turn himself in, no one needs to get hurt here."
>"OH LAWDY U POLICE GON SHOOT MY BABY, HE DINDU NUFFIN HE A GUD BOI"
>momma proceeds to leave
>detective shrugs and returna to his office
>figures that he was in front of a camera with audio the whole time
>Chief wants the footage to prove no threat was made to Nigger McSuspect
>find the day
>get footage of the beginning of the conversation
>cop and mother standing still enough that the system decides there isn't anything to record
>cameras configured to record on motion
>two people standing stock still while talking
>for the 10 minutes it takes for the motion detection to time out
>camera only got the beginning of the conversation
>stopped recording until big momma stormed out
>my company wasn't responsible for setting up the camera system
>fix the time out to 20 minutes
>inform Chief
>shrug
>leave
Still confused as to how two people stood perfectly still for 10 minutes while talking.
>>29708349
Not a cop, just an employee of an IT company that works for a few municipalities. But yes, Illinois. It's awful.
>>29708362
I've sat still enough while shitting for bathroom lights to turn off. It's possible.
>>29708362
the motion detected - > record system is shit and only causes problems
>>29708377
this is a common experience friend
maybe you shave your ass and eat healthier than way you wouldnt sit on the can for 12-15mins
>>29708376
maybe you could find a way to convince most of the PDs in the state to use the same tech company
>>29708378
better than sifting through hours/days of footage to find the one incident you want (when you don't know what the date/time is)
>>29708378
Do you want to deal with hundreds of hours of footage of empty rooms? The PD in question has 13tb of video and they're barely at the federal minimum of 90 days retention.
They don't want to spend money.
I work as an IT guy for a PD also, strangest thing that happened was a cop using a keyboard as an ash tray.
>>29708016
>be working Security at a Mall
>no not Gecko45 fuck off
>fight call goes out in bar on property
>arrive, start breaking it up with fellow Securityfags
>cuff one dude after he swings a bottle at some loudmouth chick
>PD arrives and hops outta car with beanbag shotgun.
>we tell him we got one guy and crowd is dispersing
>keeps requesting backup and holding popgun
>supervisor starts walking over to him giving the code 4 sign and smiling
>calls out "hey Dave put that thing away before you hurt somebody. Haha."
>BOOM
>everyone freezes
>drunkie in cuffs pisses himself and starts crying
>PD backup arrives and jumps out with ARs searching for targets, having heard request for assist and shotgun report as they approached
Turns out cop had his finger on the trigger the whole time and put out a request for backup in an upset sounding voice. As my supervisor was walking towards him he just pulled the trigger. Lucky the shotgun was tilted up at an angle. One of the morning shift guys found the beanbag out on the end of the lot the next day.
>this whole thread
Protecting and serving at all times apparently. Surprised they don't just shoot them and claim they feared for their life.
>be in 5th grade at time
>cops come to do a show of force kinda thing, its neat
>they show up in the swat rig with their special grenade launcher kinda thing
>it was basically a retarded m203
>they're fucking around with it showing us the beanbags
>they go to put it away
>POONK
>beanbag hits the kid next to me right in the face
>cops leave at extreme pace
>kid goes to hospital and not at school for a week
>overall a good day
>>29708455
fuckin rekt
I am under the age of 25 and work in a gun store. Most employees are much older than the age of 25
No real "good" stories or anything of note
But I am sometimes the "IT" guy because old people
Internet explorer
JavaScript cucking people who click the wrong links that "well it looked fine"
Etc
>workin security patrol
>have donut shop on route
>crazies, junkies, and hookers known to frequent the area, hence why they hired the company i used to work for
>few nights prior, new officer assaulted at the site
>i try to hit the donut shop up on my route near closing
>honestly, i did that for the donuts
>free donuts cuz they have to trash whatever they make and dont sell
>literally filled up the back of my car one night
>came back to office with 10 dozen donuts
>it was 11 when i picked them up
>normal routine, show up near close
>staff yelling at some homeless dude
>homeless dude is lacking in the pants department
>fuuuuuuuuuck i just wanted donuts
>manager overjoyed to see me, begins waving her arms the second she sees my car
>say fuck it and park in middle of lot, idgaf
>when i get in the door manager yells that he assaulted an employee with a rock
>dude is yelling some shit about the donut shop being a part of some crazy lizard organization, that donuts are breakfast food, and theyre open until midnight to brainwash people
>ooooooooooooooooooooook, get on the ground
>calls me a slave to them and tries to attack me, rock in hand
>mr crazy, meet my good friend, mr baton
>mr baton finds side of knee
>crazy dude falls to ground, screaming
>cuff him, call PD and medics, no bleeding, dont think i broke anything
>call my supe to let him know hes gonna have to cover some of my stops
>PD quoted me 15 minutes, i dont want to wait 15 minutes i know you fuckers are just down the street
>manager freaking wont stfu about me being hurt, which i wasnt
>medics show up, have to put spit hood on him
>check him, nothing broken, doesnt need immediate medical attention, and tells them to fuck off, so they do
>half hour later, no cops
>call non emergency, they give some BS that a unit is on the way
>have guy on the ground, not going anywhere soon
>ask manager to get a box of donuts for the nice officers who have to remove this man
>cont
>>29708377
That's because the motion sensor is pointed at the door/in the vicinity of the door not because it picks up what's long on in stall unless your foot or something is in its range if you have a wide stance if you know what I mean
But yeah I have had the motion sensor lights cuck me while I'm shitting too
>>29708016
Is this /k/s lpg?
>>29708513
>she grabs a box for them and a few for me, along with a coffee, nice woman really
>take their box, write "For [City] Police Department, sincerely Officer [my name]"
>company i worked for mandated that we call ourselves "security officers", and address ourselves and each other as "officer", i still cringe slightly thinking about it
>take the cop box of donuts
>take a single bite out of a donut every minute
>easily get through the box
>after over an hour of waiting, cops finally show up
>"the fuck took you guys so long?"
>"uhhhhh we had something to do"
>"each and every one of you? i just needed one car for this guy. hes your problem now"
>they take guy to car, come back, get my report, get manager's report
>go back and talk to spongebum nopants
>come back into shop and go through the bs phrase of "ok i think we have everything we need, do you guys need anything/press charges etc"
>manager and employee want to press the assault charge, and get him trespassed from store
>cops say ok, turn to me "thanks for your help man"
>in my best condescending voice "no, thank YOU guys for ALL of your help, you were AMAZING, here, we set aside some nice donuts for you guys, you DEFINITELY deserve them for all of your hard work tonight"
>they take donuts and drive off
>not sure if they ate the donuts
was i a dick? sure, but for fucks sake do you want to hold a smelly crazy homeless dude down for over an hour when hes got his balls hanging out? cuz i sure as fuck didnt.
lesson learned: do not work security, its really not worth the shit pay, shit hours, and retards you have to deal with (including retards in the company, and theres plenty of those)
>>29708551
Keep working security anon. You're doin the Lords work.
You are a HEEERO!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TUTJ0klnKk
>>29708551
you might be the biggest dick i ever heard of, but i keked.
>you are the hero gotham deserves.
>>29708551
How hard is it to get a security gig with literally no experience? I work retail and want to change things up
>>29708703
not hard at all, we were so desperate for bodies we literally hired anybody without a criminal background and who didnt piss hot
however, we were also extremely demanding in our new hires because a ton of sites were flat out understaffed which resulted in more important things not getting covered properly and current staff being insanely overworked (worst for me personally was 160 hours in 2 weeks) so our turnover was crazy high
when you first start youre going to be getting super shitty schedules along with the most boring posts like grocery stores, retail stores, etc. and wont be able to do anything to shoplifters and the like or have any tools (OC, baton, gun)
After going through certifications for cuffs, oc, baton, you could start carrying them at appropriate sites, after clearing state and company training and waiting for your armed license you could carry a firearm on very specific sites or with certain branches of the company.
i have yet to find a company that was decent to work for outside of working for private colleges, sure youll be dealing with nothing but drunk kids for the most part but it beats dealing with druggies and lowlifes, and private colleges pay better.
>>29708766
Where do you want find these security places? Nearest private uni is a bit too far for me to also attend my public uni, but 160 hrs with overtime pay would at least be worth its weight in gold for my lazy ass this summer.
>>29708016
>Be me, with slutty GF.
>onnamotorcycle, get pulled over.
>Don't have pegs for her.
>Cop can't for the life of him stop calling them kickstands.
>I laugh at him.
>He leaves in embarrassment.
>Drop girlfriend at work.
>She gets ride home from someone else.
>cheats on me.
>I found out, ended it.
>In all, good day.
>>29708401
How about they leave the system on motion-only for the nights?
>>29708805
I found mine through a buddy, but Google [state] private security and see who is hiring, various sites that advertise job openings are also good to hit up
>>29708384
He's probably on his phone the whole time.
>>29708418
>Gecko45
I haven't heard that name in a long time
>>29708513
At first I thought you or he just randomly yelled OOK and not okay
>>29708766
Did you get decent overtime and double overtime? fuck working over 60 hours if they aren't paying you like they should be.
Well, I've done work for the police station on occasion. I work for a dude who runs 3-4 computer shops in the county, and it's pretty common for one of his employees to get called out to do server work or general PC repair for local businesses and such. Police station is a few blocks from my place of employment. It's mostly really boring stories about how they didn't notice the printer was set to only print the selected text, or they hit F11 in their browser and couldn't figure out how to fix it.
>>29708899
Don't do this. If you sit on the toilet too long you shit your asshole out (it will look like a raspberry) and possibly get hemorrhoids.
>>29708441
>protect and serve
That's not the job description or duties of a police officer. That's the motto of the NYPD, one department and probably a few others that copied them.
You learned a new misconception today.
>sitting at stop light
>Check phone because wife sent me a text
>Read text
>Put phone back in holder
>Light turns green
>WOOPWOOP
>highway patrol darts over from a lane over and gets behind me
>pull over
>Walks up
>Hear his fucking Tax Collector belt scratch my door
>Super.jpg
>Asks for DL
>Then shows me a fucking picture on his phone of me looking at MY phone
>"Sir using a celluar device is against driving regulations blah blah blah even at a stopped light"
>gives me a ticket
>60 dollar ticket fee
>110 dollar docket fee
>Mfw im an ex-MP and i always just gave out warnings for this kind of bullshit
This is why i fucking hate cops
>>29708551
You can get sued shitless if you don't take someone you've arrested to the nearest magistrate in a timely manner (or turn over to police) depending on your state. You're lucky hobo mcgee isnt suehappy. You should have just dragged his ass out. There's a lot of liability in the job, so I agree with your point.
>>29708016
>>turns out some dipshit upgraded to IE 11
>>none of the state website stuff supports over IE
I work in the wonderful and rewarding Information Technology profession as well. You know a web service is of the highest caliber when it only runs on IE. You won't run into any hiccups with that well put together piece of code. No siree, Bob.
>>29708376
>Feel like showing solidarity for fellow Illinois ITbro
>Work IT for Pubwic Skoo Distwict
>Get told by state all year long that we have to administer big important science exam to subset of kids
>State dicks around all year
>It's end of April
>Skoo is out in a couple weeks
>State still doesn't have test ready, stresses how important it is that we administer the test no matter what
>Completely unrelated to weapons
>Fuck it
>Stay strong, IL ITbro.
>>29709509
If officer Hopps pulled you over, you deserved it, you filthy pred.
>>29709509
I always keep my phone below window level so they can't see shit. "You were looking down"
"Yeah, at my massive dick"
That cop is still a fag though.
>>29709535
I chuckled
>>29709542
I just stared at him with a resting "Fuck you" face and didnt say a word. Im already paying off the fucking speeding ticket they gave me because they had a speed trap layed down for when a 65 turns into 45. They literally zapped me RIGHT at the change off at 54mph and issued me 180 dollars for it. Why i dont shed a tear when some fuck stick gets his shit pushed in anymore.
>Be RSO
>City police come in to train
>retard on lane 8 is fumbling with his gun
>trying to chamber a 357MAG in a 357SIG
>sir you can't do that
>I'VE BEEN A COP FOR 20 GORILLION YEARS I SHOOT THIS ALL THE TIME
>sir that's a 357 magnum
>YEAH
>you have 357SIG
>NO ITS A G LOCK
>I know, it's chambered in 357SIG, not 357MAG
>NO KID, IT'S A FUCKING GLOCK NOT A SIGN
Man I fucking hate cops on the range
>>29708016
I love retarded cop stories. Here's one:
> be me, working for local ambulance service in Shelby County Texas circa 07 or so
> the cops around there all had just recently gotten their tasers, which was hoped would keep them from beating the fuck out of the local pavement apes when they got high on PCP
> get call for facial trauma/intoxicated man on MLK, show up and there are half a dozen cops milling around some random front yard looking sheepish
> on the concrete walkway in front of the house was an unconscious basketball American with some truly awful facial injuries
> cop says it was accidental
> I say nothing, but I've seen enough negros beaten to jelly that I know it's usually not accidental
> just look at cop as I get ready to tube Tyrone and the cop explains:
> Tyrone was high on PCP, as was his custom, and menacing his family.... also as was his custom
> calldapopo.wallgraffiti
> popo shows up and assembles outside the Tyrone Family domicile
> before they can enter the home, a fucked-up Tyrone throws open the front door and bix noods a challenge
> somebody.... to this day unknown.... tasers Tyrone while he was in the act of dindu nuffinin
> Tyrone stiffens up, falls forward over the front steps and slams facefirst into the concrete walkway several feet below
> mfw
>>29709542
>nigger detected
>>29709618
> somebody.... to this day unknown.... tasers Tyrone while he was in the act of dindu nuffinin
> Tyrone stiffens up, falls forward over the front steps and slams facefirst into the concrete walkway several feet below
i love it when this shit happens
>>29708334
>"Officer I could blow your head off anytime"
>"LOL nah man youre cuffed"
I'm sur somebody eventually accepted that man's challenge.
Not retarded, but kind of a 'Maybe cops being racist is real' moment.
>Work in a shitty area
>A lot of homeless people
>Someone calls the cops on one the locals call "The Aviator" because he's always wearing a WWI aviator helmet
>The guy is having a bad day and is shitting on the sidewalk, talking about razor blades in his clothes
>1 cruiser, 1 cop
>Cop talks to him and gets him to go with EMS
>Few weeks later
>Working again
>Cop pulls over a black guy into the parking lot
>Cop comes out with AR-15
>Black guy very polite, a lot of "Yes sir, no sir" not fidgeting movements, doesn't talk like a nigger, a lot of laughing and smiling
>4 cruisers, an SUV, at least 8 cops with AR-15's pointed at him, and I swear to god a helicopter
>Black dude still chill, still polite
>They write him a ticket for failing to signal and let him go
>mfw
>>29709777
Maybe they were looking for someone who drove the same car as him? Otherwise that's some horse shit right there.
>>29709519
>call cops to come pick him up
Its their problem now for not picking him up. If he just held him there without doing anything or letting the Police know, then he could sue for kidnapping. You stupid fuck.
>>29709509
Are you retarded? You should've called him out on HIM being on his phone at a stop light. That faggot is a hypocrite and is not above the laws either
>>29708418
That's beutiful.
>>29711137
Nah. I worked security overnight and the only way to get an expediant response was to either say " suspicious black male" or get a guy cussing while calling it in, usually peppered with "nigger".
>Calling in a robbery by two urban youths
>victim was being a cunt
>He wouldn't talk to dispatch.
>Dispatch asks for third time to speak with him
>Still using me as a middle man.
>"is there anything to add to the description?"
>"dispatch wants to know if there is anything to add to the...."
>"HOW FUCKING HARD IS IT TO FIND TWO NIGGERS ON FOOT WEARING HOODIES?"
>"we'll have an officer there shortly."
>Hightower from police academy shows up.
>Mfw it was two weeks after Treyvon Martin.
I laughed way too hard that night.
>Be State Troopering up the interstate
>Listening to Audible spoken book with one ear plug in, bored to death
>VROOOOOM
>- -
>- -
>095
>FUCKYES.YOUFUCKEDNOW.WRECKLESS
>Be pushing cruiser as hard as it can go to make headway on black mustang tearing ass down interstate
>Be up on tail of mustang for a good two minutes sirens blaring
>Call for addition unit(s) as it's looking like it might turn into a full fledged pursuit
>POP BAMCRACKLE
>Left rear tire of Mustang blows out
>Close enough that cruiser gets hot rubber bukkake
>Mustang goes all wobbly and finally spins a full 540 before catching the edge of the road and begging death flips
>Calling for RA and requesting backup units haul ass
>Get outta cruiser
>Sidearm out but jogging down to what is left of mustang sitting on its roof in a twisted, smoking heap of shit
>Abouttoseesomefuckedupdeadbodyshit.mentalpreparation
>Movement on driver's side of car
>HANDS HANDS LET ME SEE THOSE HANDS MOTHERFUCKER.MP3
>Skinny little faggot stands up and looks at me with hands as high above his head as they can go
>Itsafuckingkid.tiff
>Tell him to walk to me and sit the fuck down until medical get there
>Confirm no one else in vehicle
>The kid literally does not have a scratch
>Let me see some ID
>I don't have any
>You aren't licensed to drive?
>I'm 13
>Don't know whether to face palm or kick in teeth
>Sgt. and backup units arrive on scene, medical shortly after
>Kid is 100% fine, literally not a cut
>Sgt. calls kid's parents
>Parents meet kid and troopers at hospital while kid gets fully examined
>I finish paperwork in parking lot of hospital so I can end this retarded shift
>Go into hospital to talk to Sgt. and let him know everything is wrapped up on my end
>Kid's dad is face first on the ground in cuffs, two troopers on him
>The fuck Sgt?
>Dad apparently caught in kid's room beating him full force in the face with grown man punches
>This is fucking hilarious, my report's done, I'm going home
>>29711299
What a great way to get yourself another ticket!
>>29709483
Can confirm
>>29711788
man, you trooper guys always have the best fucking stories.
would love more
>>29708016
http://www.wusa9.com/news/local/dc/unloaded-gun-dry-fired-at-dc-police-meeting-sources-say/141416329
DC police sarge orders cop to sneak up and dry fire gun at head of other cop at cop house meeting, without telling anyone else about the plan.
>that'll shame him for lack of situational awareness!
>what could possibly go wrong in a room full of armed men sworn to protect the law when they see a guy pull out a gun and try to shoot the head off a coworker
>>29709595
lolololol
>>29708384
how does shaving your ass make you poop faster?
>>29711788
hey kid deserved it, i hope you let the dad free after calming him down a bit and instructing him to use only open hand strikes to avoid jail
>>29712028
Less wiping involved, poop isn't hindered by a hairy ass.
>>29712028
Better aerodynamics
>>29709509
>break the law
>get rightfully penalized
>"Fucking pigs ACAB REEEEE"
Lmaoing @ your life
>>29712169
Call a poison center, the boot polish is getting to your brain
>>29709618
I lol'd
>>29708551
>spongebum nopants
hearty chuckle was had
>>29712028
it doesn't
but for your troubles, all your farts will be the loud BRRRRT kind
it's literally impossible to exfiltrate one quietly if your ass isn't hairy
this is the true reason for which most women hold it in
>>29711341
>"HOW FUCKING HARD IS IT TO FIND TWO NIGGERS ON FOOT WEARING HOODIES?"
Quite easy if you dont mind picking the wrong guys
>>29709656
Impossible. TASERS send out these little ID tags EVERYWHERE when they are deployed and would be impossible to clean them all up in an outdoor environment.
Would be very easy to ID the officer.
>>29712432
they didn't figure out who it was because they made the story up
>>29709618
>on MLK
its always MLK...
every damn city MLK is ghetto
>>29712443
Oh damn. Totally missed the point.
>>29712042
>>29712084
but then stubble in ur buttcrack sounds horrible.
>>29712403
I know it, you know it, dispatch knew it, but the victim was a bar fly and I think he was jacked for some pills while walking home on foot, so he was a little loopy and angry in the first place.
I asked him why he said that and if he watched news at all and he went deer in the headlights and quietly sat down waiting for the cops.
Since then he's straightened up quite a bit, and I'm glad he did.
/k/ related /g/ is best /g/
>>29712472
That's what maintenance is for.
If you moisturize, it helps a lot.
>>29712391
as someone who has no hair on their ass this is not true
ass hair is nasty anyways on guys and girls
Security on the Strip, Vegas.
( I was not a responder; heard the traffic, saw the photos ).
In December a WMA was seen leaving the tower going onto the casino floor with blood on his neck area. Security Officer tries to stop and he won't listen, starts running. It was before the pit drop so we have full staff available; contain him around bar area. WMA states he had a bad day ( verbatim! ) and wanted to kill himself. This guy is still standing, talking coherently and is kind of being an asshole; declines First Aid and Paramedics ( Legal 2000 FTW ). Go to check his room, smell of fish fills air. One of the trash cans in the room was half full with blood, estimate a two liter worth. Blood on the counter, walls, a couple towels and a trail around his bed and door. We find a throwing knife about 10 inches in over all length. He first slashed his wrists accross then " down the highway " to no avail. He stabbed his neck four times, twice on each side and tried to bleed himself into bucket.
Guy seemed fine other than being an asshole because lol " am I being detained? " and lol " you aren't real cops. "
Dat bucket of blood tho.
He lived.
>>29712432
thats the joke idiot, cops hiding their street justice
>>29712452
100% truth, as someone who lived near malcom x blvd, any street with a negro cult hero is 100% ghetto as fuck and whitey would be well advised to stay away
>>29708455
Things that never happened:
>this post
A fifth grader taking a full house "grenade launcher" beanbag to the face from a few feet away would likely kill him or at least severely injure his nose, orbital, jaw or whichever part of the face it hit him. Not to mention the fact that he would have a massive concussion and possibly hemorrhaging. We're talking about a 10-12 year old child being struck in the head with a high energy projectile designed to incapasitate grown men in a rage.
If this actually happened, there would be news stories and links to articles you could provide because this would have been a huge civil case and some of those officers would have been fired, possibly charged if the kid died.
>>29712595
holy shit how is someone so bad at life that they can't kill themselves after they slash their own wrists and stab their neck
jesus christ
>>29712684
what usually happens in those cases is representatives/lawyers from the agency quickly offer money with a NDA, so the shit never hits the news or goes to court. if it is some poor/uneducated people and the lawyers are convincing, they usually get away with offering chump change like 20 grand, because that sounds like a lot of money to the victims
>>29708016
>police technical support
NO
NEVER AGAIN
I DONT WANNA GO BACK DADDY
>>29708418
>no not Gecko45 fuck off
made me laugh
>>29712704
it actually leads to the question of "is he bad, or is he that good?" he managed to live when he shouldn't and not for lack of effort
>>29712769
sorry
*how could someone be so bad at everything that they can't even kill themselves correctly
>>29708455
this post is bullshit
I took an IT class while in high school, the resource officer and a few other cops would bring there computers in to get worked on foe free.
Always a shit ton of viruses always a shit ton of porn.
Which is cool with me because it meant i got warnings not tickets.
my mom dated a ex state trooper, guy left the force and went on disability because he broke his collar bone breaking down the door of the wrong house.
One time he was drunk on 4th of July went outside shooting his gun because "i'll show them what real fireworks are."
He was a really bad drunk i remember him mixing vodka and Mountain Dew at 9am.
I went to a grocery store late one night and one of the 4 cars outside was a cop car inside of which was a fat cop eating a box of donuts all by himself.
>That cop was arrested for beating his wife a few months later.
>>29711844
For what?
>>29709497
...t-thanks anon.
Bumping for more good reads
>>29709483
>tfw you spend up to an hour in the bathroom just chilling on 4chan
>>29712084
>poopodynamics
>>29713405
No problem, have a good one, Ms. Willis.
>>29712169
>break absurd feel good pointless law
>get excessively fined
>fucking pigs enforcing fucking stupid laws
>sitting in cruiser by roadside
>DeLorean comes flying out of a time portal
>88 in a 45 zone, fuck year
>park behind him as he pulls over
>walk to window
>he opens it just a crack
"Am I being detained"
>sir, do you know how fast you were driving?
"I was only traveling through time, you don't have proof I was driving through it"
>>29708252
LOL @ FUBAR touch screen
> Toughbook semi-ruggeds in deputys' patrol cars
> Also have 'hot spares' because we won't do 24/7 response
> Next morning, service ticket to pick up busted Toughbook, hot spare was deployed
> what new fuckery is this ?
> go see LT to get busted unit
> Toughbook case is CRUSHED in the center, visibly bent in
> what the hell, Lieutentant ?
> "They dropped it."
> YGBSM
> "They said they dropped it."
> OK, haven't even had my second coffee yet, whatever.
> Look closer, there is a TIRE PRINT across the crushed portion
> I had to fake a cough and clear my throat to not laugh.
> The accidental damage warranty covered it in the end.
> ruled it wasn't 'abuse' because it really was a mistake.
> Eventually switched to rugged Dells.
>>29708899
I'm on the shitter reading this thread on my phone as we speak
>>29712709
You realize several other kids would have seen it, told their parents, who would have bitched about it to the media, right?
>>29714119
Kek
>>29708016
Youre lingo is killing me.
>Squad room
>>29708396
We use gem-tech ? Or gen tech ?
It has motion detection logs , still records everything, but you can skip to areas flagged with motion (pictograph of man walking)
>>29709509
Yeah except
>be cop on traffic
>writing a speeding ticket to a kid clearly driving like an asshole
>vvvrrROOM BOOOOM!
>teenage girl crashes into us
>was texting
>be working side job
>bar and grill
>guy plows into motorcycles by building
>get hit with debris
>3 guys trying to snap a selfie in car
>be at an accident 2 car major
>one vehicle disabled on left shoulder
>help push second vehicle off to right shoulder
>single father cant open door to son
>tell him hes safer in the car on hwy
>dad pops hood to check engine
>i lean in to talk to son to calm him down before ems comes over
>BOOOOM
>kid is insta-ophaned
>my arm is broken
>car passing was taking a pic of vehicle on left
>see some girl swerveing
>cell phone glow
>pull her over
>was on cell
>write citation
>she signs it and calls me a fucking fascist pig
>force a furrowed smile and walk away
>>29708500
Install uBlock Origin and Ghostery. No more malware JS.
>>29713736
>texting laws
>"feel good"
Nigga I bet you the kind of special motherfucker who needs a fucking "warning hot coffee is hot" sign on your goddamn Starbucks.
>>29715889
feel goodxlaws?
>be me driving glorious Jeep.
>throw away gun as CCW because cops dont fuck with me so I wont get caught with if andif I do shoot they can keep it!
>dude texting cuts me off, nearly runs me off the road
>roadrage.exe
>pull next to him
>honk
>swerve at him
>he is still on the phone oblivious
>get infront of him and slam on my breaks
>he notices this finally
>drives around me still on phone.
>imma kill em!!!!
>repeat cut off.
>this time he swerves down a side road
>I spend an hour looking for him so I can kill him
>calm down....
>wtf is wrong with me? I would have litterally murdered him.
tldr cell phone laws keep you from getting shot.
>>29716266
Wtf is wrong w you?
You also realize youre not the ONLY person in the world who carries a gun right?
Get your emotions in check before that gets you killed.
Also be responsible and stop carrying or driving until u get better
>>29715810
>>BOOOOM
>>kid is insta-ophaned
>>my arm is broken
>>car passing was taking a pic of vehicle on left
i dont get it. He let the fire breath and it burned him alive or did someone ran over the dad?
>>29716636
>dad standing in front of car popping hood
>car hit from rear, sent forawrd
>catches my arm in window
>>29716793
Aw shit.
Poor kid. He is now an orphan because of some dumb fuck on the road with no situational awareness
>>29716793
...yellow ball is car
Red ball is dad....
>>29716636
Dad was checking the engine and the car hit the back of his. He was run over with his own car.
Happens more than you think...
I was first on scene to a bad accident about a year ago
>Pulled over, saw first body, kept looking for others.
>Saw second body. Kid was folded in half
>was just lowering the spare tire under his truck
>half asleep guy hit their ass end and rolled over them at 60mph
They were actually still alive, but one was dead before careflite got there and the other died in transit.
>>29712028
hispeed lodrag
>>29711894
If this thread is still kicking in the morning I'll be coffee'd up and board in the morning, will provide more. Definitely crazy shit happening on the highways every night.
>>29712036
That's up to the legal system, not me, or any of the other troopers involved. I learned that it was beyond anything acceptable, the guy had literally beat his son's face in, which probably explains why the son took the car and drove away as fast as possible in the first place.
>>29716266
you'd piss your pants and shoot yourself before doing all that faggot
>>29717550
I think the anon thought the dad beat the fuck out of the kid after he stole the care not before
>>29708814
Do you need pegs for a passenger? Never heard of that one.
>>29711788
Was it really necessary to fucking draw? Honestly if a cop is pointing a gun at me and yelling to see my hands, it makes me want to not do exactly what he's saying so much more..
They really should think of a different approach.
>>29717867
>Was it really necessary to fucking draw?
>car going at high speeds, with a cop behind, obviously trying to escape
>high chance that its a killer/armed robber escaping from the scene
>"if a cop is pointing a gun at me and yelling to see my hands, it makes me want to not do exactly what he's saying so much more.."
A rope is a faster way to kill yourself.
>>29717928
Oh I know that's an easy way to get shot. Just how I feel. You don't? Some man pointing a weapon at you screaming orders. Ignites that resistance that wants me to do the exact opposite. like, why is he in charge, a badge? Doesn't really mean much.
>>29717985
By that logic, you don't mean much, bub...
>>29716859
>ruining billiards for everybody
>>29717628
I thought the dad beat his son in the hospital after the fact...?
>>29717985
No. He is in charge because its been socially accepted that cops are capacited enough to take care of issues and problematic people, if you are a problematic person and you dont do what a guy with a gun aimed at you say while you have no armor nor guns, then you are only killing yourself. If you think you didn't do anything wrong, then that's what lawyers are for.
"Resistance" its ok until it makes you do something retarded
>>29712028
Same reason swimmers shave their bodys. Less drag.
>>29718089
not sure which anon I'm responding to
it sounded like the dad beat up the kid after he crashed the car
instead of beating the kid up then the kid crashing the car
>>29708455
Reminds me of a story I heard about a police dog chasing an elementary schooler around a classroom.
Complete and utter bullshit.
When I was like 17 a friend and I got thrown in the drunk tank overnight. There were several negroids in there as well and one of them legit tried to rape me. I screamed like a girl, a cop showed up, unlocked the cell and beat the living shit out of the nigger, like to the point where it wasn't clear that he'd be ok afterwards.
That was not a good night.
>>29709578
So you knew that the speed limit dropped to 45 and your bitching because you didn't slow down in time. You should have been slowing down before you got to the new limit not after.
>>29708016
>be on duty, chilling in my favorite Netflix spot
>hear younger deputy scream on the radio that he's being shot at in a shrill voice
>make my way down there lights and sirens
>setup about 150 yards from where Deputy screech called the shots came from
>traffic supervisor shows up and attempts to ready his AR. Can't get mag to seat and chamber round properly
>how is the guy a supervisor
>take said AR from him and get it ready to rock and roll for him
>get my remshit 870 out and my tac vest on
>chill and BS with the investigators that showed up just to be there
>swat comes out in all their badassery
>clear area and locate suspect
>old drunk dude that was shooting at a raccoon
>everyone clears out and deputy screech is now deputy Daniel Boone
Life as a deputy...
>>29717867
>>29712391
> implying girls don't get ass/anus hair
You don't get laid much do you?
>>29708416
To think the worse I've ever run into was one guy having trouble using his ticketing program because it only works right on one resolution but he insists on using another one and ends up calling in at least once a week for us to fix it for him.
>>29718089
He did. The trooper was implying that the kind of man to do that to his son in a hospital is probably the kind of man that beats over spilled milk thus making the kid want to run away. And what better to run away with than 5.0L of American made haul ass.
>>29718459
>And what better to run away with than 5.0L of American made haul ass.
wat
Only 1 mustang (which was a special variant) used the 5.0 ford. And from what the greentext makes it sounds like, the kid was using either a 4th gen or a 5th gen Mustang, the ones that come with a V6
>>29714297
How do you "accidentally" run over a computer mounted in your car?
>>29712735
Seriously tho.
>make the bad men with badges stahp!
>working as parking control and CSO.
>also have to help as IT cause apparently the city can't afford a specialist and when you go to the police academy they remove any ability to maintain your own electronics.
Just a few examples of my experiences:
>motor Sergeant tries to download and edit a few clips for a presentation on drunk driving. Proceeded to download three extra video driver systems all of which were incompatible with the department computer and then tried to apply them and bricked the damn thing somehow.
>recieved a laptop that had a large caliber bullet hole in the keyboard. The Chief's laptop. I never asked about that one. Just gave the bad news and scuttled out.
>one of the dispatchers somehow activated a defrag setting on her own computer that send a signal to all of the computers on the network and ordered a system wide defrag and reset. We were working 1980's style for THREE FUCKING DAYS since nothing like that had ever been done before and it locked everyone out until the process was completed.
Cops hate tech. That has to be the reason.
>>29718511
Literally nothing suggests that. kill your self you autistic faggot you are being a pedant for no reason
Goddamn fucking retard
>>29719153
>>29718935
At least things probably ran ever so slightly better after the defrag.
>>29718511
Achtually the 93 had a variety as well as a the 2016 variety in 5.0L not to mention you could replace a couple headers and connections in any body you have room for a 5.0 and put a 5.0 in it.
Also the greenest never implied anything as to the year so I'm going my my imagination over yours.
>>29718511
The 5.0L was offered in all fox bodies except in 80-81.
>>29708384
hey man, at my old job the toilet motion sensor lights would stay on for ONE WHOLE MINUTE. And the bosses in all their wisdom insisted on putting a trash can in front of the sensor, which was on the wall instead of the ceiling. so after a good solid, rushed 60 seconds, you'd have to waddle off the can and wave at the fucker
>>29718511
Also SN95s and New Edge (4th and 5th gens) mustangs all had a V8 option.
>>29709509
>Mfw im an ex-MP and i always just gave out warnings for this kind of bullshit
Different practice, and yank MPs are notoriously incompetent and corrupt, sot here's that.
>>29708016
>>29708125
http://youtu.be/V5SWkEAX64U
>>29708551
>>29708513
I actually had a pantsless guy a looooong time ago when I did a month of LP for Goodwill.
>"Downtown" Sunnyvale
>normally pretty clean
>bored a/f, want to go home, feet killing me
>genuinely about to request to go home early
>In comes Whiskey Phil.
>Fat 50-something who is clearly intoxicated, which is against Goodwill store policy.
>Stumbles over to the children's clothes section, I notify management and we proceed to cordon/observe him.
>He takes a pair of very small pants and fumbles into the changing room. We can hear him slip and fall inside a few times.
>He emerges "wearing" the new pants, although his mind has not calculated that they are too small to pull up.
>He is also going commando on this particular day.
>Comedy ensues.
>>29720876
>Everyone panics
>Manager trying to shield her eyes.
>One semi-buff worker shouting at him to pull his pants up (which he obviously can't because he's not a size 17, maybe a 57).
>Women screaming.
>Customers trying to cover their children's eyes and flee the store.
>I'm enjoying this scene too much to do much of anything useful, not that I really can due to the hands-off policy.
>Observe and report.
>Phil begins to wander around the store, to the extent that a VERY fat drunk man can with pants wrapped around his ankles.
>Falls several times.
>Keeps getting up to stare at furniture, books, etc.
>We're calling PD.
>PD says ETA 1-2 hours.
>They always have 10-20 cops patrolling a city of 200,000 people with a very low overall crime rate. Someone is available.
>Code for: We know who it is and we don't want to fucking deal with him so half our officers just called a meal break and the other half quickly found someone to pull over.
>>29720912
>Phil stumbles back into the dressing room.
>We're hoping that it finally clicked that although his old pants may not have been particularly fashionable, they at least fit.
>About 5 minutes go by.
>Myth: Busted
>He now emerges with NO pants on, and the children's pants in his hands.
>And he's coming at me.
>FUCK THAT
>I have an idea.
>In my most cheery, chipper and helpful voice I ask him to follow me to see something.
>I lead the drunken man out of the front door of the store, jump back in and lock the door.
>Phil proceeds to wander into Murphy street. Nice high-dollar restaurant area with outdoor seating everywhere. Loads of families eating their weekend lunches.
>Not my fucking problem.
>Discover his soiled pants in the changing room, carefully put them in a basket and place them outside.
>As I'm doing so, I see GUESS WHO coming back down the street looking VERY HAPPY to see me.
>Now he has a random bag in his hands and still no pants on.
>>29717867
>>29717985
Jimmy Guffin and the Dindu Nuffins, lades and gentlemen.
>>29720956
>Jump back in the store, lock the door and observe him simply walk past me to the back of the store (donation area) and collapse in a drunken stupor.
>About 30 minutes later PD finally reluctantly turns up.
>They must have gotten over 100 calls about this moron.
>Berate us for not calling it in sooner.
>Hear them arguing with Phil in the background.
>He's yelling something to the effect of "WHY SHOULD I CHANGE!? FUK U PIG!"
>They're explaining that if he's collapsed drunk in a ditch surrounded by cops that maybe something in his life has gone wrong.
>Guy is covered in shit so they call it a 5150 case, say he has alcohol poisoning and GUESS WHAT THAT MEANS.
>Now they wait another hour for paramedics, which they are calling because they don't want to handle this drunken pig.
>Tell us to take his original pants as a donation is we want to, we obviously don't.
In short, this guy got up at around 8am and spent 4 hours solid drinking vodka. Went through almost a gallon of it based upon all the discarded bottles behind our store. He then shat his pants and attempted to steal some replacements. As he was walking through downtown terrifying everyone some good Samaritan who owns a very expensive clothing boutique gave him a pair of pants to wear, which he gladly took but never bothered to put on. Then he circled back to the place he called home before being joined by some good old friends.
I have only had good run ins with cops
>be 18
>friend and I get stopped by cops
>we were in industrial part of town walking to a Denny's
>they ask where we were going what we were doing etc.
>they lets us good tell us to have a goodnight
>thank em' and go to turn around
>there was freezing rain earlier
>slip and smash head on frozen pile of gravel
>cops laugh and say "you alright there bud?"
>laugh and say yes
>they drive off laughing
>fucking love Canada
>>29717985
you had to take your hands out of your pockets to pound on your chest, so I don't see what the hold up is
>>29718532
You nock it off by being a huge spaz while driving, then reverse back to pick it up.
I could see it happen as my brother once ran over his own foot.
>Park on a hill
>Get out, stand around car while talking
>Car rolls forward because the handbreak isn't on
>Thank god for steel toes
I have a retarded cop story that is even more retarded because we were young kids at the time.
>In England
>Be 11ish?
>Trick or Treating for the first time, it wasn't a big thing in England when I was a kid
>With my big bro, his friend, and his friends big bro who was like 20, and their dog.
>Having good times, got some good loot
>Suddenly cops pull over next to us and get out
>We've had reports that an adult with a dog accompanying three kids have threatened a woman
>Apparently we had threatened to rob some old lady and USE THE DOG TO SCRATCH UP HER CAR if she didn't give us stuff.
>Things that never happened anywhere.png
>Britbong Weapons.jpg
We got let go but its still one of the most retarded things I've ever been accused of.
We weren't allowed to go Trick or Treating ever again either.
>>29723798
Who did accused you tho? the woman that ended up giving you the candies?
Military police story
>be grunt
>to PMO and grunts have a similar relationship to nigs and regular cops
>a bunch of us have to take non-lethal weapons course
>its being taught by PMO
>fat staff sergeant, career blue falcon, milfags know the type
>do taser portion
>holyfuckingshit.jpeg
>worst fucking thing. Ever. Period.
>after getting shot with it he insists we have to stand against a wall while he drive stuns our sturnums, makes us drive stun eachother, makes us drive stun ourselves
>"if you dont you wont get a cert!"
>if he doesnt write our cert battalion will NJP us for failing the class.
>much self inflicted torture later we go home.
>come to find out none of that crazy sadistic bullshit was part of the training course, he just wanted to film grunts being electrocuted
>he also lost all the certs so none of us got authorized to carry tazers anyways.
On an unrelated note, about 3 months later we started a riot in front of barracks and a couple officers got beat like the fat inferiority complex piglets that they are, he was one of em.
>>29723842
Honestly I don't even know.
We never threatened anyone, no one was visibly reluctant.
There's a chance that it actually happened but it was other people who did it, but I like to think some crazy lady called the cops on us for having a dog.
It was one of those fluffy collie dogs, like Lassie.
>>29715810
Which is fine and dandy except i was stopped at a fucking red light behind a couple of cars and my phone on the steering wheel so i could look beyond the phone
>>29720781
> Oh shit that was Jacob!! Fuck me.
>Are you ok?
>...... No
I fucking lost it
>>29723269
>being canadian
>put 6 rounds in SKS
>go to prison
>>29708551
>spongebum nopants
>>29708252
>touch screen on this model of Toughbook is two layers of material that recognizes touch when pressure is sufficient to connect both layers
>the punch jammed the layers together in an area slightly larger than a knuckle
>the Touch-Screen was registering thousands of inputs a second because of this
Not so tough after all, huh?
Hmm, couldn't you have just ordered a new touch screen and replaced it instead of ordering a new toughbook? Might have saved the PD a couple of hundred bucks.
Glad you figured it out in the end, too bad you had to waste a shit ton of time just to figure it out though. I would have helped if the officer of Car 4 just told you that he got pissed one night and punched the screen. Of course everyone says they didn't do nothing before their computer started fucking up...
>>29708362
>cop and mother standing still enough that the system decides there isn't anything to record
>cameras configured to record on motion
>two people standing stock still while talking
That's BULLSHIT. Man does that suck, could lose a lawsuit over this. I'm betting the officer's testimony alone will credible, but a recording would have made proving that easy.
>>29725616
>new screen ~$400
>hours to install ~3
>$95/hr
>$700 for a repair on an already old ass laptop
>when you can buy new with a 2 year warranty
Numbers are estimated, but that's why we try to not play games with band-aid fixes.
>>29712677
>malcom x blvd
it's weird but i assumed a street named after Malcom "by any means necessary" X would be alright
>be me, white college student
>out camping with friends
>shoot some guns, then put them up
>beer, bonfire, hotdogs, and smores
>everyone getting pretty drunk, but we've done this before and everyone always behaves themselves
>someone lights a firework
>we have fireworks!
>proceed to light fireworks for a good 15min
>get bored, go back to drinking and listening to buddy play his guitar
>see headlights all of a sudden
>fuck
>federal parks and wildlife officer pulls up in a tiny truck
>being respectable white kids who have never been in trouble before, we all gather around the campfire while he walks towards us
>yes sir/no sir to all his questions
>nobody yelling "my dad's a lawyer!"
>about 7 are underage
>really worried I'm going to get slapped w/ providing minors w/ alcohol
>realize theres 15 of us, theres no way he has 15 handcuffs
>girl starts crying
>officer actually looks like a guilty dog when she starts crying
>officer says he's going to give us a citation for "illegally camping"
>turns out that while you CAN camp in the park we were at, the specific spot that we were at does not allow overnight camping
So all in all, got a $50 citation thing (it wasn't a ticket, got it in the mail about a week later) for illegally camping. No idea if it goes on my record.
And that was my first interaction with the law. Made me realize that no, I shouldn't blindly hate cops.
>>29723269
>Cops stop me.
>Try to get me to convict myself.
>I thank them.
>>29720912
>>29720956
>>29721021
God, I hate this city.
Sunnyvale vs. Fyock when?
>>29724027
Fucking MPs man. I remember one time they came by our barracks at 2230 on a Saturday night. The very first god damn day we had off after coming back from Afghan. And they decided that was a good time to start a drug sweep because one of the other battalion duty NCOs "smelled weed" coming from our barracks. Needless to say, a bunch of grunts that have been drinking far more than they should have even without the 7+ month stint of forced sobriety and starvation do not mix well with some tubby buddy fuckers showing up to ransack their shit.
It started with some MP PFC telling a Sergeant to shut the fuck up and ended with their vehicles getting flipped and ziptied naked MPs.
>>29708016
This is one thing I hate about the gun community. God forbid you're human and make a mistake.
>>29727412
>It started with some MP PFC telling a Sergeant to shut the fuck up and ended with their vehicles getting flipped and ziptied naked MPs.
OH GOD PLEASE TELL ME MORE
>friend was ten at the time of the incident
>in his front yard playing with his replica flint lock pistol
>one of the neighbors thought it was a real gun and called the cops
>cops come a few minutes later and my friend cries like a baby when the cops come
>cops find out it is just some stupid replica and tell him to stop crying
>>29727412
That sounds hilarious
>>29727822
Honestly, I wasn't there for the start of it, I just happened to be walking down to the smoke pit and joined in for the vehicle flipping. The Sergeant that was disrespected had his platoon strip the MPs. The reasoning being, since they cant teach their dudes to respect ranks, they don't deserve their rank. Or uniforms apparently. Drunk logic.
I have far more stories about MPs and fights on Okinawa if you guys want those. Sneak peek: 3 dudes get their ass beat by a guy wearing a bedsheet and MPs roll tear gas canisters onto a dance floor.
>>29728721
I dont even need to ask, fuckboi. Tell me those stories.
>>29728721
holy shit I need all these stories in my life.
my best mp story is;
>be on WSMR
>have jetskis, load up and hook trailer onto truck
>there is a dip in road
>go like 2 over the speedlimit because gravity
>WOOPWOOP
>200 dollar ticket for speeding in residential area because of gravity
>try to get it waived
>doesn't work
>MP that ticketed me is all up in my shit until I move out
fucking MPs, man.
>>29728843
>>29728896
Ok. These are less about MPs being dicks and more about the MPs showing up because dumb shit happened. But holy fuck are they good.
To set the backdrop, my unit went on a MEU right after a particularly nasty Afghan deployment. Now, on Okinawa there are a number of POG units that are perma stationed there, god help them. One of them has a hazing ritual that involves a long list of shit but the one that's important is "picking a fight with one of the grunts on the MEU and winning." Oh yeah. A special kind of stupid that spiraled out of control so badly that it got the fucking General of all Marine units in Japan to come down to the backwater base we got stuck in for the MEU to figure out what the fuck was going on. Our command stopped punishing our guys real quick once it became apparent what the pattern was and saw that the POG unit did nothing to rein in their guys. So why punish our dudes for defending themselves?
Toga Party:
>A few NCOs decide to have a toga party since Cinderella curfew and the Japs hate us out in town.
>No togas, use bedsheets and wear literally nothing else.
>Make jungle juice in a big ass cooler that's more or less straight vodka.
>3 am.
>3 dudes and a chick from a certain POG unit are outside our barracks, drunk as fuck, throwing beer bottles, and calling us out.
>Disregard hoes, drink vodka.
>Hear one of them yell "No wonder you had so many KIAs, you're a bunch of pussies."
>Rage. Sing, O muse of the Rage of a grunt NCO
>This one dude comes out of the barracks at a dead sprint, letting out a fucking war cry.
>His bedsheet comes undone halfway to them.
>He's completely naked
>Falcon punches one dude right in the face, knocks his ass out.
>Begins to beat 7 shades of shit out of the other 2 guys while the chick is screaming.
>Duty NCO is just standing there, watching.
>The POGs book it, DNCO wakes up knocked out POG and tells him to go the fuck away.
>Our command doesn't say shit in public about what happened.
Cont
>working night shift at warehouse
>end up driving home at 430 AM
>only guy on the highway at this time
>get pulled over no less than 5 times over 2 months, always for BS reasons
>they always want to search my car because they smell drugs
>first time say whatever, pulls all my shjt out of my car and sets it at the side of the road while backup watches me
>they find nothing, drive off, leaving to load my shit back up in the dark in freezing weather
>am pulled over no less than 4 more times in the next two months
>same drill each time, a few times refusing to let them search
>They call K9s, pull my shit apart, and leave me to pack it up again, except I'm down another 20 minutes
>they never find anything, because there has never been drugs in my car
still bitter, years later. Fuck State Troopers, every time I see some tearjerker news story about one getting killed or wounded, I just kind of laugh.
>>29718511
Here's a pic of a mustang at work. I work for enterprise rent a car
>>29729286
This sounds like a good story
>>29729393
Did you try the 'am I being detained'? Bullshit. I wonder if it works.
>>29718511
Man, I haven't seen someone get this completely and totally BTFO on /k/ in awhile
>>29730460
How am i being BTFO? i got proven wrong and i am happy that the new mustangs also have a 5.0 V8.
>>29730480
>How am i being BTFO?
Literally everybody shitting on you for being so retarded
>i got proven wrong
Yes
>>29729286
>>29729393
oh man, I lost my shit.
I love to imagine the face of the POG as a completely drunk, pure rage fueled, and fully erect infantryman was screaming and just about to almost kill him.
apparently okinawa is all about this shit.
>>29730508
So? being proven wrong its not BTFO.
"BTFO" means standing up saying bullshit, insulting others that try to correct me until someone comes up with actual proof.
I just stated something, got proven wrong, accepted that and moved on.
>>29727822
Infantry barravks riots arent entireley uncommon. Our battalion has atleast once a year.
Last time a bunch of 11's lit a motorcycle on fire and threw it into a dumpster. Or maybe they threw it into the dumpster and lit it on fire. Its all kinda hazy.
Before that a PMO corporal got duct-taped in between two matresses and tossed off the 2nd deck.
PMO are all the guys who crave the attention of being an infantryman but dont got the balls to actually do it. So they are walking around with a chip on thier shoulder for grunts as is. Every so often a PMO boot will get it into his head that the path to validation is harassing some frazzled grunt who just got done with 7 to 9 months of hell.
Thing about us grunts is, we will start the stupidest loudest fight just because we are bored and drunk. Combine bad history with the department, and a non-rate talking shit and literally every bored drunk dipshit in earshot is homing in on said non-rates position.
So some pudgy baby faced 19 year old who hasnt seen anything in his life more exciting than a traffic stop comes strutting up to a group of guys who only 2 weeks ago were running through machinegun fire and playing hopscotch with IEDs like his shitty M-9 and big shiny badge is going to even give half a seconds pause to guys like that.
It very rarely turns out well for him.
>>29718280
What do boots taste like?
>>29730713
Ahh... what do the MP's do? Or do they just have the good sense not to show up until five minutes after it's all over?
>>29729286
Got side tracked for a bit. Here's the next one.
Dancing with Tear Gas:
>For weeks now, POGs have been picking fights on and off base.
>Started as one or two guys, moved to 4 or 5 singling out pairs of grunts to start shit.
>Friday night at the E-club
>everyone is getting piss drunk on shit beer and the odd mix of country music, hip hop and early 2000s rock.
>Big ol' girl walks up to a group of grunts with like 10 dudes.
>"That's the one! He grabbed my ass on the dance floor!"
>Guy is bewildered, he had just got there and bought a pitcher for his friends as they found a place to sit.
>Tells her of the physical improbability of him being the one to do it
>POG dude says "You callin my home girl a liar?"
>"Fuck off man, I ain't got time for this shit, either call pmo and they'll pull the tapes for the cameras or throw a punch."
>POG obliges with a punch.
>All the grunts stand up as one and flip the tables they were at.
>Ensue massive brawl to the sweet tunes of Korn and Tim McGraw.
>PMO shows up and dudes are beating each other with chairs like its fucking WWE.
>Instant fuck this, grab CS canisters and roll them into the middle of the brawl.
>They tackle everyone as they cough and stumble their way out.
>OC spray and Tasers for the dudes still feeling fiesty.
>End of the night, 20+ dudes are flexicuffed sitting outside the E-Club as the MPs call the units to tell them what the fuck just happened.
>Monday morning rolls around.
>The Company CO calls us in and tells the rest of us who weren't there what happened.
>Says a god damn general is coming to talk to our unit.
>General shows up and sits down with the SNCOs and Officers in our unit.
>"What the fuck is wrong with you god damn assholes? WHY ARE YOU CONSTANTLY FIGHTING? Every god damn week, I'm getting fucking incident reports!"
>BC tells him about the POG units little hazing thing.
>General doesn't believe it because it's never been a problem before at least no more than usual.
Cont.
>>29708766
I worked for a security guard company, doing business capture and proposal writing. Security guards make shit money and have a 400% turnover rate, people quit to go work for McDonalds.
>>29730859
MPs with good sense? Nah. They just don't get called until after the situation is handled. Or if it's real bad, they'll call them to taser whoever is being a nuisance. Usually though, if it's short of assault with bodily harm, MPs don't get called to a grunt barracks.
>>29718265
>nignog rapist beat nearly to death
I'd say it was a good night in a tradeoff sort of way
>>29730893
oh boy, this is gonna be great.
>>29730893
>BC and Sergeant Major start pulling out proof.
>Arrest reports, video footage, even testimony from other senior officers in grunt units that had been on the MEU before all saying the same shit.
>General says he'll have to investigate them
>We fuck off to a training op for a few weeks.
>Get back, POG unit is on lockdown, no libo for them until we leave.
>We find this endlessly amusing.
To be fair, it wasn't everyone in that unit that was a fuckstick. Just a good chunk of them. But these were probably the best stories out of that whole thing. Most of it was just bar fights and other shenanigans like the time they tried to kick grunts off one of the inter base shuttles. But seriously. Every god damn weekend, there were at least 3 or 4 fights. This shit went on for like 3 months. It was fucking unreal. Now, the rest of the MEU had its own fun times like Thailand. Motherfucking Thailand. Or when a PFC got so shitfaced drunk in the Philippines, he ditched his group, got back to the ship 45 minutes late, punched the shitty TV we had in the berthing, then called our first sergeant a nigger to his face.
>>29731013
>called our first sergeant a nigger to his face.
holy shit, this is how people cease to exist.
>>29731032
They posted a guard on him for the night to keep his platoon from beating his dumbass. Didn't stop them though. Dude got NJPd then forced to pay for a brand new TV. A beautiful 50 in flat screen that cost like 2 grand. We found a way to squeeze it into the berthing and hooked it up. We had some pretty kick ass movie nights.
>>29730859
One of 2 things happen.
Stand around looking stern and pretending to be in charge (and also pretending that its a coincidence that they just so happened to show up after its over)
Or option B, which is to deploy an entire riot supression team. Option B is pretty rare, but ive seen it happen once before.
Thing is, if you go to an infantry barracks looking for a fight, its going to happen. You will fight the entire unit. At first you are going to think you got things handled, then somebody screams "(unit name) FALL OUT" and a couple hundred drunk pissed off grunts come piling out of thier rooms.
If you are going to be beligerent in an infantry battalion barracks you are going to need to bring teargas and a shield wall.
Teargas is going to be a limited countermeasure, we all got gasmasks.
>>29709531
I work in healthcare and recognize that sarcastic manner of speaking anywhere
>>29731112
Wow. So just like the wild ass stories all the old guys told me when I was a kid.
You give me faith that American civilization may last another 100 years.
>>29731176
Ill give ya one better, greentext!
>be weekend
>just broke up with my girl and nuked my social life
>so predictably I am sitting in my barracks room feeling sorry for myself, playing metro last light and taking a shot of stoli every time somebody says something in russian
>door is open.
>hear screaming outside, stuff breaking
>walk out onto cat-walk
>one of my boots is fistfighting one of the neighboring battalions boots
>they summon re-enforcements, its just a bunch of PFC's being fuck heads, I figure its best to just let boys be boys
>our boot summons some more of our boots
>now about 20 people brawling in the courtyard
>corporals begin jumping in
>all of us NCO's have been in the shit, other battalion NCOs are battle hardened too
>so the crazy level goes up, somebody lights a trashcan on fire, a sergeant from the other battalion is attempting to light a bench on fire. Hes clearly too drunk to notice its made of metal.
>there are now 300-400 people rioting in the courtyard
>not even battalion vs battalion, just guys randomly fighting and throwing things at eachother, weve passed friendly brawl mode and become a riot
>lone PMO car pulls up
>flips an illegal U turn and burns rubber getting out of there
>20 minutes later a bunch of vans pull up, fire trucks, more cop cars than I knew were on base
>vans contain a riot squad
>sensing what is coming I fill a canteen with vodka and a hint of orange juice, don my gas mask, and make good use of the hydration tube
>tear gas fired into courtyard
>place clears out, riot squad advances in, I imagine they feel smug satisfaction
>marines re-emerge from thier rooms in various states of undress, but even in thier drunken rage they to a T are all in full PPE and gas masks
>a startling number arent wearing pants though
>both battalions have set aside thier differences to fight our shared nemisis.
>all fucking hell breaks loose
>like, it was crazy before, but now its just scary
Continued:.....
>>29731247
So this is why America has so many overseas military bases. If they were all stateside the country would be in ruins.
>>29730713
Jesus I can name someone who fucked your girlfriend and it wasn't you.
>>29731247
>somebody decided that the landscaping at the barracks should be fist sized rocks
>naturally those all become airborn
>people ripping helmets and masks off cops, underneath thise big scary helmets are just scared babyfaced PMO boots
>the PMO panic, retreat and set up a barricade around the barracks.
>both battalions now are blasting "fuck da police" at full volume from several different sound systems, corporals are doing the whole drunken slurred "I love this guy" routine with boots from the other battalion
>meanwhile Im up on the 2nd deck, the canteen full of vodka is too low for the hose to get any more out of it
>it was a beatiful sight and I was so proud to have witnessed these glorious fuckers, but it was kinda blurry, Im guessin I had a leaky seal or somethin cuz there was a tear in my eye.
>stagger into my room and pass out.
Aftermath:
Our battalion commander summoned us to a battalion formation.
I guess the week before he called the female base PMO CO a stupid cunt after one of her officers illegally searched one of our guys rooms, so she had ordered her rent-a-cop boots to constantly follow him around trying to ticket him.
He said in no uncertain terms that the barracks were a disaster, and we had better fix it by the end of the day. Then he told us he was proud of us and left.
After that day PMO understood who really owned that building.
And I already know yall are going to ask why I didnt join in.
Because I have already expierienced barracks riots from the retard zone at ground level. Its just a hazy jumble of snapshots and physical sensations when your mind gets burned up by that group-think and adrenaline.
Being able to just lean back and watch the US Marine Infantry tribe in its native habitat from a birds eye level was too good to pass up.
Just, ya know, bask in it and take it all in. Once in a lifetime expierience.
I finally knew why Nero played his violin while rome burned.
>>29731247
>>29731313
Stories like this make me wish I joined the army.
>>29718511
/k/ - Mustangs
>>29731247
>>29731313
Fantastic
>>29730480
>i am happy that the new mustangs also have a 5.0 V8
Me too, man. Me too.
>>29731313
>Then he told us he was proud of us and left.
>>29724211
WHEN I DO IT IT'S FINE
I KNOW I'M BEING SAFE SO I'M ABOVE THE LAW
Everyone who texts and gets in a car crash thinks that they're doing it safely. There are some stupid fucking law's out there, fines for texting and driving is not one of them.
>>29731574
I hate to be a dick to someone who uses the phone in a safe manner but you are pretty fucking much right.
Everyone who gets into accidents cuz cellphone thought they were using it in a safe way
>>29731313
Fucking Glorious
>>29715810
fuck idiots who think they can multitask while piloting their 2 ton killing machine
keep writing them tickets
>>29731313
we need more stories like this
>>29715810
>kid orphaned.
Fuck.
I hate retards in traffic. Nearly lost my younger brother to a retard driver a couple of months back.
>>29720781
>ARE YOU OK?!
>...no
Pretty badass
>>29728721
how did you not get into trouble for flipping a MP's car
>>29708334
>mfw it was unloaded or loaded with snap caps and the guy was looking for excuses to blow your brains out.
>mfw its loaded and hes an absolute madman looking for excuses to kill you.
>>29721021
How did he get to murphy from goodwill on camino?
>>29731574
>stopped
>moving
These are two different things piggy. I don't believe when they brainwashed you that you honestly don't understand what those two concepts are.
If I text while my car is stopped then...holy fuck I'm not hurting anyone!
Now go out and abuse more homeless people with my tax dollars and cry about "muh blue line" faggot.
>>29731986
If you're pulled over to the side of the road on your phone then that's fine.
If you're stopped at lights texting then you're not paying attention to all the traffic around you, or the lights.
Driving should be your primary action when Driving. Texting and using a mobile phone takes up too much of your attention.
>>29732002
>best case
I see the light turns green, put my phone down and drive away
>worst case
I miss the light for like 2 seconds or until an asshole behind me honks
OH SHIT PIGGY BUT WHAT WILL TRAFFIC EVER DO IF THEY NEED TO WAIT 2 SECONDS FOR THE CAR AHEAD TO MOVE?
Laws that include specific "stopped" language when it comes to texting are only so piggies can put more money in the pot for the state, that is literally it. Its so piggies can claim to be relevant between shooting minorities and homless and each other.
>>29732033
It will congest, causing traffic to back up all around the city, choking it.
Acting like you're above the law because you break it in a "Special Snowflake Safe Way" does not make you a smart or good person.
It just means you're a fucking idiot.
I hope you enjoy your fines and car crashes.
>>29731112
>then somebody screams "(unit name) FALL OUT" and a couple hundred drunk pissed off grunts come piling out of thier rooms.
What I would pay to see that
>>29708016
So I was hired as a training instructor by one of the biggest fuckup agencies in the state to make them less godawful, and here are my stories.
>be me
>range day
>have about 20 deputies all shooting
>everything is going fine, correcting people's technique, etc.
>wrap it up guys! let's go clean em
>deputies march inside
>people start disassembling guns
>start handing out cleaning equipment to guys when suddenly
>EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>what the fuck!? WHAT THE FUCK?!
>OH SHIT! OHSHIYOHSHITOHSHIT!
>where is the bullet? WHERE IS THE BULLET?
>IT'S FUCKING IN MY LEG MAN! HE SHOT ME IN THE FUCKING LEG!
>MEDIC!
This fat fuck, easily 300+ lbs desk jockey getting ready for his qualifier, instead of dropping the mag, racking the slide, and pulling the trigger on his Glock, racked the slide, dropped the mag, and pulled the trigger.
He NDed into this poor Corporal's leg, shattered his femur, and now that Corporal is stuck permanently in the jail because he can't manage to pass his PT tests because lol, bum leg.
Even after the screaming match I had with both the Captain and Major, they not only let him keep working there, but let him keep his commission.
I have more if there's any interest.
>>29732187
oh man I need more.
poor cpl, dude got fucked because of landwhale retardation.
>>29732197
Like I said, the agency paid me big money (compared to most cops) to come unfuck their agency, they request a StiRep every quarter, and want courses of action. Every quarter I tell them to give me a larger recruitment budget to hire guys who aren't fucking retarded.
>Be me
>in-house training
>basically annual refresher courses on stuff
>start into DT, Defensive Tactics, or hand-to-hand
>show some stuff to them, some old, some new
>they practice it a little bit
>alright guys! so let's put everything to use, I want you to pair up with someone of similar size and do some low-intensity free rolling
>couple minutes later
>everything going pretty fine
>man, this batch of retards are actually being less retarded!
>when suddenly
>YOU MOTHERFUCKER
>*THUD, WHAM WHAM WHAM*
>two deputies are fucking going at it
>slugging the fuck out of each other
>fuck this shit dude
>break it up, FUCKING BREAK IT UP!
>dudes not breaking it up
>spray them both
>cuff them both
>well he fucking started it
>well he kicked me in the balls!
>well he FUCKED MY WIFE
>neither fired or arrested on orders of the Major
There you go, don't fuck your coworker's wife
>>29708016
Dear /k/,
This has been one of the best threads on here in a while. I don't post much, but it warms my heart knowing there is truly a collective of people who also find things like this hilarious; thank you all for giving me a chance to enjoy these stories.
Sincerely,
Dick
>>29709595
> even more stuff that didn't happen
Tell us, Mr. No guns,
Exactly *How* was he trying to change the round???
Did he have them in the magazine?
Did he have the slide locked open??
>>29732259
>well HE FUCKED MY WIFE
Haa that's rich
>>29720781
737 down over ABQ
>patrolan perimeter in a timely fashion at night
>each day, gotta do the round
>two modes, depending on the shift
>inside-out or full-out
>have to check all the access doors passing by the inside
>open door, check, close
>2% of doors have windows or have cameras looking at them
>or just walk around the building, whichever
>Tell boss I want to do perimeter from the outside, even at night
>don't know what sort of slob could be waiting for me with a bat
>boss tells me now, says it's safer not being outside at night
>despite my utmost assurance that opening a door and stepping outside means that I go outside, boss say I don't go outside
>fine, fuck you
>next shift
>do peri round
>open first blind-door
>get bat in the face
>junkie tries to get my wallet
>I don't carry my wallet on rounds
>leaves me for dead, stole my flashlight
>get found by cops who got called by my coworker after he's been unable to reach me for an hour
>chipped front teeth, black eye and a raging hate for my boss' "safety precs".
>>29731247
This is the funniest fucking thing I've ever read
The story of My kid? DEAD!
>Working on fail-over routing for PD radio systems
>Hear the buzzer that indicates the outer lobby door was opened
>Reflexively look at camera
>Some kid and his momma
>Officer manning the window looks out and asks "Whatcha want?"
>Kid, looking at his shoes and mumbling, "Yea, I'm here ta unimpound my car."
>Officer "The hell'd you do?"
>"Gotta DUI..."
>look up at camera
>Kid's either underage or a babyface
>disgonbegud.gif
>"How old are you?"
>"...21"
>"TWENTY-FUCKING-ONE?! AND YOU GOT A DUI? KNOW WHAT, IF YOU WERE MY KID, DEAD."
>"D-E-A-D"
>Momma nodding like "mmmmhhmmmmmm"
>Me, boss, other guy, all trying desperately to keep our shit together because we can easily be heard from the lobby.
>Officer ranting about "MY KID? DEAD" for a bit
>turns out the kid's license was suspended due to the DUI and he wasn't getting the car back without his license anyway
That kid will never so much as look at alcohol and drive again.
>>29732612
Could anyone screen-cap that? Im on a phone otherwise I would.
>>29733140
I did on my phone, but it's not great, I'll do it when I get home
>>29733406
I'll stay tuned, that shit was funny.
>>29708016
FYI that's because Microsoft changed the way active x handles xml objects. I see it all the time at work as well.
>>29708518
Its all about that 2sec of waving your arms wondering if you are going to have to wipe in the dark.
>>29711299
You now know cops are legally allowed to brake the law to catch someone braking the law.
>>29731697
I did. Or rather, the whole battalion did.
>>29730941
I mean, if the cop had just killed him, yeah, but I had to like stare at this man writhing in agony on the floor. I still remember it way, way too often. It's not like he didn't deserve it but goddamn.
The cops sent us home after that obviously.
I worked for 2 years building out cop cars. Basically take a crown vic but all the computers, radios, lights and shit in it. Once a cop come in with some problem and we opened up the consol to find a full 7/11 of junk food wrappers inside.
I also found a playboy once. (didn't even think those were still a thing)
As for the cell phone tickets. Keep it up. If I had a nickle for every time someone did something stupid while driving on their phone I could probably get a few really nice meals. Motorcycle mechanics love and hate cops. :)
Pic is a BMW r1200st police getting a new clutch fuckers run though them like water.
>>29734020
> man you guys go through clutches fast!
> what's a clutch?
>oh ...
>>29734044
That bike got 3 clutchs in 6 or 7 months. turns out they were using just that bike to train two new rookies. So they just fried them. The cops who have been riding for a long time usually get 25-35k miles out of a clutch. crazy bastards can ride like hell.
>>29731313
My sides.
Here I was always happy I never had to do a MEU. I wouldn't trade my Afghanistan deployment but I'd easily trade my do-nothing Iraq deployment for those shenanigans.
