So Imagine this
>you're at Home as usual
>you're going naked to bed and fall asleep
>few hours later
>suddenly BOOM BOOM CRASH
Whats the first thing you do?
What is your 'Nigger Burglar breaking into your Home' Protocol?
Weapon of Choice and what is Melee weapon of choice?
Do you go Naked?
Do you have some Words prepared that you're going to yell at the Intruder?
>>29489682
Fuck clothes I would grab my AR flick the switch on the weaponlight and do a bonzai charge with my fully erect penis being the last thing the perp ever sees
>>29489682
>Whats the first thing you do?
grab gun
>What is your 'Nigger Burglar breaking into your Home' Protocol?
hear pupper bark and grab gun
>Weapon of Choice and what is Melee weapon of choice?
AR15
>Do you go Naked?
i sleep in shorts
>Do you have some Words prepared that you're going to yell at the Intruder?
if they are facing away ill say something so they turn around then ill shoot them
>>29489687
You would Bonzai Charge in complete Silence?
>>29489708
assuming you got no shorts for whatever reason, would you face intruder naked?
>grab auto glawk with 100 round drum
>Procede to run down hallway spraying the whole way butt naked regardless if someone is there or not
>arrive at kitchen/living room
>reload with spare 100 round drum stored in anus for just such an emergency
>procede to hose entire area even though he probably took off 2 seconds into my first 100 round burst
>go back to bed
>call up insurance next day
>say keanu Reeves and Liam neeson got in a fight in my house while over for dinner
>>29489724
sure i would but after i shoot them i would put shorts on. dont want to face the police naked
>>29489724
I may scream something like "dlya Rossii-matushki" to throw the intruder off his guard
Spend 4 seconds contemplating whether I shoot him with my AR15 or my Glock brand Glock.
>hear big crash
>if the dog isn't barking, it's nothing to worry about
>dog barking
>defcon 2
>slip on shorts
>grab ar-15
>tell whoever it is that they're in the wrong house
>dog barks and then abruptly stops barking
>defcon 1
>grab ar-15 or scar-17 (whichever magazine wins the "got grabbed while my eyes were still closed" lottery)
>if dog is dead, blast the fucker before he knows he's being stalked through my big-ass house
Thugs know if they wake up a dog in this neighborhood, they're going to get their head blown off if they stick around. Typically they're going to just GTFO. There's a cop living every 5 houses down, and there's a CCW every other house.
I own 9 very irritable dachshunds
This is my first line of defense
second line is a German luger under my pillow
and if you somehow manage to kill me, I have my house rigged to explode with no survivors.
>>29489767
lets say for whatever reason you can't access your Guns.
Whats the Melee Solution?
Also no cool One Liner prepared?
>>29489786
whats the dead man switch?
>>29489786
I have a feeling you have a monocle as well
>>29489791
In my kitchen I have the gasline rigged to vent all the gas into my home and then start an ignitor 45seconds after venting.
Its triggered by a small garage door opener that I keep next to my bed at all times.
In my dying breathes I will press the big white button on the opener and await sweet death
>>29489767
>wasting time getting dressed
>not using that time to smear on battle paint
>not confronting your enemy naked
I sleep with my silenced hd pistol nest to my pillow. I have peltors hanging on my rifles 4 feet away and a full rdy rig, including belt and holster.
I can easily jump out of bed and just use my pistol or throw on my rig and peltors if i want to get more loud
>>29489800
And an eyepatch.
I bet he drinks whisky and smokes pipes, too.
>>29489682
I wonder why my neighbors are playing Queen this loud at 3 am
>grab shotgun next to bed
>lean slightly to the right out of bed, line of fire to the front door
>fire
>pump shotgun and penis at the same time
>>29489820
Amazing
>>29489682
>Do you have some Words prepared that you're going to yell at the Intruder?
STEAMED HAMS!!!!
Whats the first thing you do?
>wake up
What is your 'Nigger Burglar breaking into your Home' Protocol?
>grab my katana because i am noguns, because fuck my country
Do you go Naked?
>I wear a pajama to sleep
Do you have some Words prepared that you're going to yell at the Intruder?
>Just scream and charge to stab the fucker, if he has a gun i am fucked anyway
>>29489820
how do you not gas yourself?
>pull sig out from under pillow
>shoot intruder without getting out of bed
>go back to sleep until cops show up
>tfw studio apartment
>>29489866
SKINNER!!
>>29490798
>>29489845
>>29489734
some of these were quite funny
entire house is on rail system, if i get killed deadman switch crashes house with no survivors.
If I have a second, toss on gym shorts and grab FAL
If no time, FNX and nudity
>wake up my roommate
>hand him an AK
>grab my own
>scream "AK-47s FOR EVERYONE!!!" while the both of us shoot wildly in the direction of the intruder
OP, the question of nudity during defense of my home has been proposed to me in the form of a melanin-enriched gentleman appearing in the cover of the night with a distinct interest in my television
>live in 2 bed 2 bath with roommate, common living room we keep most electronics in
>roommate is out, I am in my room masturbating
>hear some noises that sound like my roommate came home, but don't react because my door was locked so no worries about him walking in on me
>keep hearing noises in the living room, but headphones are on so it's just thuds and knocking sounds
>take off headphones, I can hear some stranger in my house talking on his phone
>some fucking redguard literally broke into my house and is on the phone with his homeboy while robbing me
>while still erect and naked, I grab my pistol and bust out of my room, shouting at this guy to get on the ground
>he screams, drops my fucking tv on my floor, and gets on his knees begging for mercy
>I keep my gun pointed at him, walk to my kitchen to get my phone and call 911, notice that he cannot stop staring at my erection
>keep calling him a faggot until the operator answers my call
>police come, haul him off, by then I was flaccid, but they too were curious about why I was naked
>I told them I sleep naked, no further questions about that
If I didn't have as much confidence in myself as I did, I probably would have been too embarrassed to stay focused, but keeping a criminal in your sights is more important than whether or not he is eyeballing your throbbing cock
>>29489682
>wake up to boom boom crash
>"oh boy, my time has come!"
>reach into jar of coconut oil sitting on bedside table
>cover naked body except for fully erect penis
>reach past oil for red paint
>cover penis
>grab my helm of power (football helmet with deer antlers attached) and place on my head
>finally grab my 12 inch dragon dildo with fishing hooks embedded in the tip
>activate rave mode in my house lighting and entertainment system.
>charge intruder to strobe lights and very loud "UNT-SE UNT-SE UNT-SE" while yelling "EEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHH"
I don't even hurt him. I let him go to tell the others and I will never be fucked with again.
>>29489682
Sadly, my best gun for HD is probably my Skorp, which I keep on my nightstand.
>Much shorter than my SKS, Mohawk, or La Salle
>Higher capacity than my TT33
>Too poor to build an AR with the lower I have
It'll do for now, until I can buy my Type 97, at least.
>>29489682
This happened to me the other day, held a white nigger down with a sub 2k.
>>29489682
>Grab muh sawed off nugget.
>Run to perp.
>Shoot first ask questions later.
>Recoil breaks my hand off my body right at the wrist.
>Get smacked right in the face with my own hand.
>The bullet tumbles at a gorrillin miles an hour because holy fuck nigger that barrel is short.
>Robber's entire top half explodes into gore.
>Bullet goes through wall, leaving a 5 ft wide hole and keeps going to knock down the house across the way.
>Bullet probably keeps going and takes out a car or two.
>Bleed out and die on floor because no hand.
>One robber, one bullet, nine casualties, nearly a million USD in damages.
>Mission complete with S Rank.
>>29489682
>grab glasses
>grab pistol in the headboard of my bed
>let my flag fly
It's go time bitches.
>>29491214
>.32 for HD
Enjoy getting raped because you chose an underpowered faggot round.
>>29489682
>All these pistolfags
Jesus. Get an AR.
If someone breaks into my house, i plan to murder him with my bare hands.
>>29489682
I whipout "the destroyer" which i keep lodged deep within the depths of my aus and beat him to death with it.
I wasted all my 308 at the range last week, so I'd load up my Garand and put on my boonie, mount bayonet, and charge down the stairs firing and yelling Semper Fellatio, and spear the nignog.
>>29492280
>Jesus. Get an AR.
But it won't fit in my headboard.
>>29492280
Enjoy twenty rounds of .32 in your chest you faggot, because apparently it won't do shit.
I'd grab my 1911 off the nightstand and start clearing the house. Fuck clothes, not going to waste time getting dressed when somebody has broken in.
>>29492280
>Muh .32 bounces off winter jackets meme
Please consider suicide, for the good of this board, if nothing else.
>>29424418
Already happened to me
