I have PTSD I guess
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You are currently reading a thread in /k/ - Weapons
Saw a lot o combat in the early 90s.
Now I live very isolated. Jump at shadows a lot, nightmares of being sprayed with body parts and wiping bits of ears and lips of my face. I see figures from back then when out in public crowds mixed in. Don't feel safe without a weapon.
Have a GF who visits but 90% on my own with a dog.
Hands shaking so bad tonight I keep dropping shit.
No intention of doing a hero but fell all the dead nagging me to do it every few minutes.
Feel like demons all around waiting to drag me to hell. Not many vets or support where I am, got a stare when I slip into thinking and people don't like it. Get violent and depressed if I drink.
That film Jacobs ladder nailed it
Talk to me K.
>>29339390
>>/lgbt/
PTSD is for faggots only
>PTSD
you mean you're just a pussy right?
>>29339435
Says the man that will only experience combat in larp form. Please kill yourself.
>>29339390
We have a LGBT board dude, go there.
Also if you want support from us, show us a redacted proof of service or something to prove your "PTSD" claim.
>>29339449
now yeadh guess I am
>>29339435
>>29339449
you're the faggots anons
>>29339461
Prove you were a veteran and maybe you'll get some advice or assistance from other (few) veterans here who have similiar experiences...z
Otherwise I am sure you are stolen valor.
>>29339471
shit you're a total sad sack now I feel bad about shitposting at you
>>29339481
I'm not OP faggot. I'm not military either. I had an uncle who was a navy seal. Toughest dude I ever met. Until he couldn't deal with the nightmares anymore and blew his brains out with a Berreta M9.
>>29339469
I have no proof of service was in the Balkans. I got given two decorations as a joke - I think they are pre breakup Yugo that were taken of a dead serb. They are the only thing I have left.I had my old shoulder patch but gave it away to a kid. I deserted.
Just real lonely right now
>>29339390
>saw combat in early 90's
Lets assume you mean like 1990-1995
You would have to have been 17/18 (lets go with 18) around 1990ish when you joined and went through basic.
You would be around age 44-45 right now.
early 90's the only combat was Gulf War.
So you are saying, you are a 45yro male on 4chan seeking assistance for PTSD you have had for the last 20-25 years and never treated?
Considering the VA can easily provide you with assistance... I am gonna say you are full of shit.
>>29339540
You have my age right but I went to Croatia..
>>29339540
shit its literally been that long
>>29339535
We sent ground troops to the Balkans in 1995 and even then only limited amounts and in support roles.
And very few saw combat.
why are ya'll assuming hes american hes probably from some slav army.
probably did some ethnic cleansing while he was there which is why he feels like a piece of shit now
>>29339540
I'm telling the truth and maybe those that know that feeling like your soul is being pulled backwards out your spine and that feeling like the dead are in the room with you know I am just needing any distraction. I have no friends
>>29339390
If you don't mind me asking, where and in what capacity did you see combat?
As for PTSD, side effects of a traumatic incident are normal and not necessarily PTSD. After I was in an OIS, I was required to go to a department counselor before being cleared to return to duty. He explained to me that to have signs and symptoms of PTSD are completely normal and vary from individual to individual, however in layman's terms, it isn't considered a PTSD diagnosis until it affects your daily ability to function and you can no longer separate the emotional and physiological responses from the incident. For example, one of my recurring symptoms especially in the first few weeks afterward was I would zone out when relaxed or doing something monotanous such as driving, and replay the incident in my head over and over and think of the "coulda woulda shouldas". My heart rate would go up a bit and I'd feel anxious, however I was still in full control and was still in touch with reality and what was going on around me. Someone with bona fide PTSD he explained would have a full physiological response as if it was actually happening again, and have difficulty or the inability to separate the memory from current reality.
My wife just bought me "On Combat" by Dave Grossman for my birthday and I'm a few chapters in. I'd highly recommend reading it, OP. While martial training can teach you to engage in combat, this book and David Grossman's "Bulletproof Mind" seminar on youtube can help you understand and cope with the stress of combat. Maybe it will help, OP. Hope this was of some use.
>>29339390
>>29339601
https://youtu.be/8RDCtMEHFLM
There you go, OP. Watch that, and if your desire to know more intensifies, pick up On Combat. Also, the Gift of Fear by Gavin Debecker is fantastic as well. I had to read it in high school and didn't really understand it or care for it at the time, but I'd like to go and reread it now.
>>29339598
Didnt mean to bust your balls man but it just seems unlikely that you saw combat in the early 90's in Croatia but what do I know.
I highly recommend going to see a counseler or psychiatrist (therapist?)
It helps IMMENSELY to talk about your issues with someone who atleast acts like they give a shit, especially if you are a lonely soul.
>>29339601
I will go read it.
I just feel dammed. I killed no civilians but saw many bad things happen. deserted after my hands got fucked up from bits of cement on blast that took the palm off.I has fine until about 6 years ago.
>>29339646
which slav conscript army did you fight for
>>29339632
Thanks. I only did cadet training before I volunteered, Maybe that is the difference.
>>29339524
But everyone has an uncle who was a Navy seal anon.
>>29339524
>I'm not military either. I had an uncle who was a navy seal. Toughest dude I ever met. Until he couldn't deal with the nightmares anymore and blew his brains out with a Berreta M9.
I swear to god I think this is a movie scene. Is this from a movie?
>>29339435
>>29339449
>>29339469
PTSD is not "for faggots only". It is a very real condition that strikes based on different criteria that we still have not been able to describe. Insane amounts of money are being spent trying to determine why some are susceptible and some are not.
At best, you're a couple of E2 jackasses under an E-5 who's himself maybe been overseas once or twice.
>>29339481
You first.
>>29339517
No u
>>29339598
At the very least, you should see a therapist and if you don't have access to government aid, this is probably worth spending your own money on.
>>29339657
I was initially a vol for the 204 as a translator, mainly in a scratch as auxiliary attached to police, in the end with a hos unit, It was chaotic so I went where I was ordered
>>29339646
Get some help man. Or talk to other vets.
>ITT: Lonely men, Roleplayers, and a few Veterans.
>>29339632
Watching this.
>>29339701
God you are a fucking nigger loving jew boy. Can we just fucking elect trump to make killing you poor whiney libtard bitch faggot niggerlovers like you a fucking national sport? God I want to fucking kill you you nigger lover.
>>29339731
Awesome, I think anyone whether you're a CCW holder, soldier, or cop can take away some great points from it. He really hits on a lot of different subjects in those 3 hours, so don't just discount it as an anti-terrorism seminar, that's really just the first subject.
>>29339752
I agree with this guy.
>>29339766
goodimgladyouagreewithmeimamillenialtrueheirstothenewworldfuckyoucuntbitchfaggottellthatbitchtogoshootuphisschoolfuckyoucunntttfuck
>>29339752
I was like you once
>>29339787
And then what happened?
>>29339780
>>29339797
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQ6A9c_RFYI
Death. I got out by hanging under a tractor trailer from two belts strung under it through a corn field. I still dream about watching the corn stalks passing by
>>29339701
Enlisted calling other enlisted jackasses while playing the PTSD violin.
Please just join the suicide statistic. Better yet, go and make >>29339752 your counselor.
>>29339694
Nah. Older sister was fucked up over it for years. Dude was crippled from some bad knee surgeries by the time he offed himself. Now she is a photographer for a small veterans farm/garden.
Demons.
I need a priest.
>>29339540
> VA can easily provide you with assistance
Clearly you've never had to use one.
>>29340045
Ya know how I can tell you have no experience with the VA?
They are shit but they provide you with assistance.
>>29340062
I am not American, I have gone to 'councillors' after nightmares started where I am. Some girl half my age talking about 'loving yourself'. Told a doc I was not suicidal put felt as if I wad being nagged to die and he said that if I was suicidal he woud have to have me locked up by law. Gave me ills - Lexapro but they made it far worse and I binned them after a week
>>29340062
Ive been to about a dozen VA centers.
My last post is still 100% correct and you're just a puss the VA likes (you're basically fine...)
>>29339390
L S D
S
D
>>29339560
>Croatia
fuck man
>>29340525
What this anon said, or shrooms.
The demons and shadows that hunt you are nothing compared to the light , ptsd anon. You are loved. Good luck.
OP were you in the military??
>>29340646
Yes
I killed people and saw people killed and at the time did not care, I saw a lot of bodies and was shelled witnessed an execution for rape and participated in a bayonet charge clearing houses for a breakout.
I stuck a bayonet into the jaw of one kid (enemy in uniform) even though I felt it hit the inside of the top of his skull he kept talking and trying to hug me while I reset the mag and recocked and blew his brains out.
I think now he had may be trying to surrender as his weapon was slung and he was holding his arms with hands show. I had bits of him all over me.
I got given a medal for that as a joke.
I believed in what the croats were doing then
Now I don't care.
I began writing down what I remember about a year ago as the memory is very strong after you wake up.
I am listening to grossman
>>29340646
Memory 1
I could not find a dry place to sit despite the wave of heat flowing from the billowing flames as one by one the roof timbers in the street collapsed. More than anything i wanted to sit and smoke a cigarette even though the trembling in my legs caused spikes of panic I would be unable to stand quickly and that I might be gunned down squatting like a garden ornament.
Passing the impact marks peppering the ground I found a dry patch of wall to lean against in an alley further up the street and watched the showers of sparks flow in the wind like pin prick holes in reality. After much fumbling and searching I lit and inhaled. A moment of pure personal indulgence. A man was moving from body to body where the blast had expelled the machine gun crew and teenage enemy fighters from the top of the little hotel on the corner at the other end of the road. I could see the people lying on the ground raise their arms occasionally as he approached before crouching beside them. A medic at work or a search for grenades or pistols. As I stubbed out the cigarette my legs had again become solid and I sloped back down to join the survivors. As I passed the bodies I could see pools of blood beside each and bulging eyes blankly examining the sky. They had all had their throats cut.
I passed the junction with the hotel on the corner the man responsible was crouching beside another body carefully wiping his knife on the corpses kaki trousers. Somehow he sensed me staring and looked up with a fixed wide excited grin and gave me a thumbs up sign.
I never saw him again. When I think of devils and hell I see that street.
I still smoke.
>>29340975
yeah, im skeptical....by the time US forces were deployed to Croatia, most of the fighting had been completed
source: i'm croat
>>29341013
>>29340975
>>29340551
what year and what was the town or area called?....
>>29341075
OP never said he was a US soldier, you dummy
>>29341075
I'm not American. I don't give a fuck if you are a croat. I lost my faith in your people a long time ago when you left a city to die and volunteers to be executed to suit Tudjman.
Your nation betrayed Dedakovi and the volunteers as a strategic game
Last time I talked to a young croat without having told him anything he said no one gave a fuck about the war anymore and they are sick og hearing about it
So from the bottom of my heart....go fuck yourself.
>>29339390
PTSD is a very subjective term...
For instances, I seen some shit Around Ramadi and Fallujah. Nasty shit. Shit, I'll never forget.
I saw dead children, some of which their own fathers had strapped bombs to.
I watched a Marine step on a mine and disappear in a cloud of dust, only to reappear seconds later with no legs.
I shot at people. I know I hit some of them. I know i've killed people.
I've watched trucks get twisted and managed up into balls from IEDs.
And the only thing that bothers me to this day...
Driving over a pothole...
>>29341111
Osijek 91
>>29341158
Only started after 20 years.
Grossman is right about sleep
>>29341157
>>29341146
well, i assumed wrongly, I apologize. and yeah, what croats did was fucked....all people involved in that war did horrendous things.....what front were you stationed at Vukovar, Dubrovnik? Did you participate in operation storm?
>>29341157
if you're talking about Vukovar, then yes, I agree they were left to die so sympathy points could be won by Tudjman by the international community.....
>>29341175
>>29341175
>>29341157
hey man, I know i said it before, but i apologize, I wrongly assumed American website, American soldier....that's interesting, I had two uncles at Vukovar and my family lived in Dubrovnik during the war.
>>29341212
I was in Vokovar for a while but not for the surrender I was gone by then. I think it is sick it was turned into this big flag waving shit we were left to die and help could have been sent to evacuate. It was a disgusting act by both Zagreb and Belgrade although I still hate serbs because of the stuff they did to old people and civilian bodies...
>>29341193
My dad helped me out alot. He saw combat in the early 70's in Nam. I didn't keep the experience to myself, I was lucky enough to have a father who had went and experienced War for himself And could help me come to terms with what I'd been through. I miss him a lot...
>>29341212
And I ran away - deserted. I'm not some homeland war here or unrepentant hos neo Nazi. I was young and stupid and it was the biggest mistake of my life. I never got a penny in pay or have ever gone back to Croatia.
Grossman is also right about caffine.
>>29341270
yeah, it was, they could have attempted to relieve pressure but they didn't and now there are monuments commemorating a loss that shouldn't have happened. It's strange, talking to family in Crotia, they said back then no a single country gave a flying fuck about a WW2 size war on their doorstep, but now they're trying to get every refugee in the world settled into countries that don't wish to have them...where do you live now?
btw I'm
>>29341212
and
>>29341075
>>29341296
That's a damn shame.
You know, it might be good for you to go back for a visit. Get closure. Pray for those lost and seek redemption for your mistakes.
God bless you anon. I hope you sleep well tonight.
>>29341296
hey man, you wouldn't be the only one...one of my good friends, her dad deserted after he served his time and they were going to force him to stay in...came to the USA...you know, going to a veterans organization might help out a bit, at the very least be with people who know what you've been through
>>29341308
I gave a fuck because I am Roman Catholic and it was as far as I was concerned a Catholic nation being attacked and oppressed by communists and it was a just war of defence by a small nation. There were a lot of foreign volunteers but also a lot of neo Nazis who I had nothing in common with
I don't want to talk about where I live now
>>29339481
Just so you know, people can get PTSD from any traumatic experience. You don't have to be a combat vet. I probably had a moderate case from growing up in an abusive environment. I didn't realize what it was until it became more well known and publicized after 9/11.
>>29341355
I have been thinking about doing that and visiting the grave for the people from the hospital. I feel a great deal o shame for deserting and particularly because of what happened to the people from the hospital.
Goodnight. I don't sleep well at all anymore a couple of hours at best. Prayer is a good thing.
>>29339540
Various SF units were doing shit in Central America all through the late 80's and early 90's. Just because it wasn't well publicized doesn't mean shit didn't happen.
>>29339540
>VA can easily provide you with assistance
it's almost like you haven't read the news in the last 5 years, mr uninformed voter
>>29341383
thats why a bunch fought...a couple of family members tell me about former IRA members stowing away on a boat and fighting in operation storm...but yeah, they also saw Ustasha sympathizers too, but because kicking them out meant dividing the nation even more, they couldn't do anything without making huge waves
>>29341417
this. OP is obviously an ex delta force commando who did drug raids in colombia and black oops missions in honduras during the 90s
>>29339752
I sweat to God, /pol/ gets stupider every year.
>>29339835
Not even. Sometimes It strikes people who are really together and emotionally stable and avoids people who are already on edge. Sometimes, its the reverse of that. We're trying to isolate that X factor that gives people tenacity or "grit".
And, yes. I'll talk shit to cherries all I want. Stay mad, MEPS reject.
>>29339390
Find other vets. Talk about that shit. They can help you put things in perspective.
>>29341425
There were Irish at Vukovar under fake names. They were not IRA heads though a couple were ex british services originally from Dublin. They were good guys I think they dies after the hospital. I don't know what names they used..
>>29341175
ti si prezivio vukovar i osijek ali si na 4chan?
jesi li hrvat ili neki stranac? Ja znam mnogo ljudi oko osijek i baranje ako ti treba pomoc/rakije.
ali je te ne vjerujem
>>29341491
>ti si prezivio vukovar i osijek ali si na 4chan?jesi li hrvat ili neki stranac? Ja znam mnogo ljudi oko osijek i baranje ako ti treba pomoc/rakije.ali je te ne vjerujem
I'm not croat I'm a foreigner and have not been back since 91. I am not a good drinker. I don't talk about this with anyone except my woman and then only the minimum, I have never even told my father. This place is anonymous. I live in near complete isolation except my woman who stops by every few weeks. My dog is my best and only friend. I had many friends in my 20s and 30s and they just drifted away
I think I should throw those old medals away they are from the dead and bad
You know OP never said he was American. Maybe he's a Croat who watched all his buddies killed in cold blood by a Serbian death squad.
Thank you all.
I was in a bad place and this thread helped me though the night.
You are all good guys. I will read my of Grossman. I am still listening to his talk.
If any o you met me IRL you would just see an old guy with a dog I think. I regret what I did don't make the same mistake.
>>29341541
>>29341651
take picture of medals?
>>29341669
Sure////why not. Wait a bit I have to find them.
>>29341541
what ethnicity are you?
>>29341651
Glad to help. Sorry I've only skimmed this thread, did you say you are Croat and were Croat army or a foreign volunteer for Croatia?
>>29341760
goodnight man, god with god....and once again apologies
>>29341770
Goodnight. No offense taken. Make a good country - a lot of people died for it.
>>29341780
Damn dude... Good luck in your future, hope you overcome the devil within you.
>>29341801
he's at my back but not in me.
Thanks
This makes me cry - such a waste
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQ6A9c_RFYI
I am going to walk my dog while it is still dawn.
Thanks for getting me though the night lads.
not only do I feel bad for shitposting at you but now I feel bad for calling you a sad sack too, you just expect its only roleplaying faggots on 4chan
>>29341794
will do man, will do
>>29341854
You come back whenever you need to. Find brothers to talk to.
there is actually a type of therapy that cures ptsd in one sitting iirc
>>29339390
Man up faggot
>>29339390
Saw a lot o combat in the early 1780s.
Now I live very isolated on the frontier. Jump at shadows a lot thinking they are injuns, nightmares of facing grape shot with body parts and wiping bits of ears and lips of my face. I see figures from back then when out in town square crowds mixed in. Don't feel safe without a musket.
Have a wife but 90% on my own with a dog.
Hands shaking so bad tonight I keep dropping the plow.
Think of harming myself often.
Feel like demons all around waiting to drag me to hell. Not many vets or support where I am on the frontier, got a stare when I slip into thinking and people don't like it. Get violent and depressed if I drink rum.
Got back to my crops, kept an eye out for timberniggers and stopped being a faggot and created a better country.
>>29339752
Get raped with a cactus.
>>29339390
>>29340975
Do you have any hobbies, is there anything you do during the day?
>>29339571
nigger he never said he was american
>>29339390
At least you >know that feel when gf and aren't >neet
>>29339390
I'm sorry people are being fags op, get well
>>29339390
Really try not to drink, big guy. I'm rooting for you.
>>29343064
This is true.
>>29342763
alright /k/omrade look
You're not the only soldier going through this shit
But you got through it once, you got through it years ago, and you got through it yesterday
find something to make you happy and hang on to your sanity
>helped the croats during the 90s
All jokes aside,
try rakija
>helped the croats during the 90s
I hope you die slowly you ustasha filth
>>29339390
Brother check out this site: http://www.maps.org/
They have done trials with MDMA for PTSD with incredible results.
Love you, stay safe.
>>29339390
Gdje ti bilo vojarna?
It is not exactly true that nobody gives a fuck about the war in Croatia. It is stil a pretty vibrant topc, but in recent years people just took a bit more nuanced stance on it all. The general public doesn't see Tudjman as some saviour as they perhaps did in the 90s. The politicans still sometimes mention him, but the moderates are even steering away from him due to the revelation that he would spend his last days in Hague in a cell if he had lived a few more years.
All in all, after 20 years and so many revelation about what kind of scum existed between our and enemy ranks, with guys like Mladic ending up in Hague and our scum not (Glavas), people are sick of hearing about the war and the historic whitewashing of all sides.
Picture is the Vukovar water tower in 2014.. It looks about the same in 2016.. They just keep shit like this around to antagonise the nation against the Serbs, but more often than not it antagonises us between ourselves (like the "Satorasi" in Savska).
>>29344751
>people are sick of hearing about the war and the historic whitewashing of all sides
I imagine it's also general shame because it was such an ugly war in every way.
It'd be like everyone going "Oh god, I can't believe we fucking did THAT."
Never been in the military but I can say I've seen up close and personal violence in the street. I hung around gangs and eventually got to be close friends with a few Chinese guys that ran some Chinese groups on the West Coast. I've seen some pretty violent stuff and have had many friends die. I know there is no comparison between combat and my life experience. But still to this day I don't feel safe without a weapon in arms reach and if I'm out somewhere and anything resembling a gun shot sound I duck and get nervous. I have the utmost respect for military and law enforcement but the only guys willing to talk about this type of stuff are in those categories. An there is no sympathy for the bad guy. Best of luck OP. God bless.
>>29339481
>valor
>being blind to serving corporations
americans say the funniest things
Can someone give me the lowdown on the Croatian War? It's never discussed in America and I was a babby when it was happening.
>>29347736
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Vukovar
"Vukovar was defended by around 1,800 lightly armed soldiers of the Croatian National Guard (ZNG) and civilian volunteers, against 36,000 JNA soldiers and Serb paramilitaries equipped with heavy armour and artillery. During the battle, shells and rockets were fired into the town at a rate of up to 12,000 a day.At the time, it was the fiercest and most protracted battle seen in Europe since 1945, and Vukovar was the first major European town to be entirely destroyed since the Second World War. When Vukovar fell on 18 November 1991, several hundred soldiers and civilians were massacred by Serb forces and at least 31,000 civilians were expelled from the town and its surroundings"
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vukovar_massacre
"The Vukovar massacre, also known as the Vukovar hospital massacre or the Ovčara massacre, was the killing of Croatian prisoners of war and civilians by Serb paramilitaries and the Yugoslav People's Army (JNA) at the Ovčara farm southeast of Vukovar on 20 November 1991, during the Croatian War of Independence. The massacre occurred shortly after Vukovar's capture by the JNA, Croatian Serb Territorial Defence (TO), and paramilitaries from neighbouring Serbia. It was the largest massacre of the war, and the worst war crime in Europe since World War II up until that time."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvaEWnZXiYM
