>"That's right, Peter. The world's gayest war has broken out between Canada and Denmark over some shitty little lifeless island in the Arctic. The international community is stunned and amused that this war has gone from a flag waving, gift exchange to a full out conflict. The US and the rest of the international community has taken a unified position and have decided to watch this bitch battle unfold."
Canada vs Denmark no holds bar. Who will emerge triumphant
>>29288699
The world
Whoever wins, we win.
>>29288699
They should just sell it to a billionaire and split the proceeds like in a divorce.
>>29288699
Whoever televises the war and makes big bucks on advertising and sponsorships.
Don't kid with us
It's just a paintball match and whichever side loses gets dumped into a vat of ice water
Russia. Not even in the war. Did not deploy troops or ships. Not even in the diplomatic communications.
They're just sitting there, accepting the surrender of both countries, wondering why the fuck they are there.
>>29288699
What's up with the "Peter"?
First news anchor type name I thought of.
>>29288699
>>29288767
>Inb4 the US sends the entire navy to bomb the island and claim it as its own in the middle of the paintball match
>>29288699
>>29288767
>>29288848
So I was just skimming and thought for a second that this was a real thing that they were going to have their special ops guys have a paintball war and the winner keeps the island.
>>29288941
I wish they did that over tiny pieces of land.
Imagine China claiming the south sea like that, and Taiwan has to raise a tiny rag tag team of rookies to beat them back and reclaim China.
>>29288974
>And then Japan's elite Splatoon squad arrived
>>29288985
That's for the sequal.
War crime denial part two, electric boogaloo.
>>29288974
>>29288941
This should be how wars are fought in general, period. Just have the top politicians duke it out in a paintball arena and televise the thing for all the world to see.
>>29288999
Except no that is stupid. Some things are too important for there to be an opportunity for defeat. On top of that it would only work with highly civilized countries. And incase you haven't noticed all of of those countries are part of nato and have no reason to fight
Canada doesn't have working planes or working ships or working helicopters
dnno what denmark has
Don't they have those working frigates?
>>29288767
>>29288848
>>29288985
>>29288995
>>29288999
>>29289025
I just laughed so hard I spat my coffee out all over my dog. Thank you /k/
>>29288999
Not very exciting to watch, though. Competitive paintball isn't much of a spectator sport.
>>29289086
Simmunitions in a highly dynamic mout facility. Force on force elimination no respawn or time outs.
>>29288699
>war has broken out between Canada and Denmark over some shitty little lifeless island in the Arctic.
So...They're going to go from sending a boat out now and then to change the flag and leave booze to having 2 teams of guys camped out exchanging booze and swapping the flag at night?
If it broke out tomorrow, Denmark would win, and fairly easily.
Canada should win in normal circumstances, but the Canadian defense procurement system is hilarious, ridiculously fucked. Hence the Canadian navy does not have working ships, working helicopters, or working submarines (which would ordinarily be their huge advantage). And there's no way it'll be fixed with Mr 2015 in charge, since he wants to scrap the F-35 buy (so Canada will end up buying it later after paying out billions in dev money and cancellation fees).
The Danes, meanwhile, can base their aircraft out of Greenland and have a pretty nifty little Navy, which can do pretty much anything thanks to the StanFlex system.
If Canada had its shit together procurement-wise, even to the (low) level of the Aussies, then they'd win, but they don't.
Danes win after three months, Canada-Denmark relations irretrievably fucked, Trudeau government collapses, Conservatives return to power promising to modernize Canada's military.
Danes get more drunk than usual one day a year to celebrate the Hans Island Defensive War.
Fin.
canada's cock sucking president would come up with some idea like having a sing off between the countries, but only immigrants would be allowed to vote since they would be more neutral. or he would just give it up at the first sign of conflict.
>>29289257
> Canada
> president
Can you even into the difference between the head of state and the head of government, anon?
>>29288699
nice sauce, faggot.
>>29289025
Greece and Turkey had war over Cyprus. NATO members both.
>>29289290
But I thought the queen was technically head of state.
>>29288845
Peter is a terrible news anchor name.
Tom, Sam, Chris, Mike, Jack and Paul are all superior. You know why?
One syllable name. People like the flow of it.
>>29290805
What is Peter Jennings for 200, Trebek.
>>29288704
I used to like you, what the hell do you have against canada?
>>29289250
It feels good being a Danish-American.
>>29291412
>mfw Danish-Canadian
>>29291584
>mommy and daddy fighting before angry make up sex next to your room.
Enjoy fapping to the noises.
>>29288827
Peter Jennings from ABC was a Kanuckistani expat living in New York.
He's dead now.
>>29288699
Suck a dick Canada.
Yours truly
Denmark
>>29291873
no u
>>29288699
Shit, that's a nice piece of solid looking rock.
You could carve a sick mansion into that thing.
My money is on Denmark
>this just in, Viking landships land in Toronto
>Prime Minister Trudeau has ordered a general evacuation
>>29292276
>>29291873
so it begins
>>29288699
>U.S steps in as the world police
>See stupid war over tiny rock
>Bomb the living shit out of it for a couple of days
>Sinks rock
>No rock
>1037 casualties due to friendly fire
>war over
America.
>>29289250
Our surface ships work fine. Some of them are going their their half-life refits right now, but that's normal.
Meanwhile our helicopters 'work' in the same way a kamikaze works. Except they don't crash into things on purpose.
>>29289250
Also...
>Conservatives return to power promising to modernize Canada's military.
AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
They're half the reason our military is in the sad state it's in. They were in charge for 10 fucking years, remember!
Procurement has always moved at a glacial pace though. Except for a brief period when General Rick Hillier, our Chief of Defence Staff, was so popular that he forced the government (the Harper one) to pry open the wallet and get out troops some shit they needed for Afghanistan. They later forced him to retire.
>>29288699
You do know that due to glorious global warming, the Artic ice is going to melt and the Northwest Passage is going to be navigable by ships. This means ships can travel to and fro the Atlantic and Pacific oceans, essentially negating the Panama canal. Once this happens, whoever controls the Passage will reap lotsa moneys plus the oil hidden beneath the ice. I wouldn't be surprised if America will enact it's Anschluss of Canada when this happens. Russia is a joke and couldn't even dig up the money to sustain a couple months of ops in Syria. It's a meme country with economy smaller than some US states. Denmark is outclassed by even Canada but must appear to resist to prevent fait accompli. In the end, both countries will go to the International Court of Justice and fight over there.
>>29288807
I'd like to think Putin would be ok with this because it's name is Hans.
>>29291182
What do you not have against Canada?
Seriously fuck Canada. As a European, sincerely fuck you.
>>29292916
I could totally see it too
>>29293229
But Anonymous, you can't have be a Liberal and like guns and soldiers. Only Conservatives will protect your gun rights!
>>29293574
nigga global warming aint real
>>29295205
>As a European, sincerely fuck you.
As an American, stop insulting my hat or I'll come over there and bust yer lip, swer on me mum.
>>29295205
As a Canadian, fuck you.
Europe wouldn't be Europe without us and the Americans. You'd be German and or Russian. Get off your high horse Eurotrash.
>>29298116
>without us
Stop taking credit for American economic might, hat. Canada is the unwanted middle child of Anglo. Not only are they completely unremarkable and irrelevant, but everyone forgets about them anyway.
>>29298135
but he's right, Canada's contribution to WWII was enormous considering their power relative to the US.
euros who aren't thankful for the overseas blood spilled to save them from themselves are just the worst people, I swear.
>>29298116
Not him, but here's what I have against Canada.
>DUDE WEEDMAN
>UNLIMITED FREE MONEY YAY!!
>SELL ALL OUR GOLD YAY!!
>YAY $10 BURGERS
>UNLIMITED "REFUGEES" FOR EVERYONE!
>HURRAY HATE SPEECH, NOGUNS, AND LGBTQ DEFENSE POLICE
>LET'S SHOW SWEDEN WHAT IT MEANS TO BE TRULY PROGRESSIVE! YAY!!
>>29298135
As an americlap, it's pretty obvious you are b8, or uneducated.
>Now, a little something for my canucks, never forget, your forefathers killed the shit out of the krauts.
In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.
Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.
>>29288699
America here: sorry Canada, but we can't really do anything right now without making ourselves look like an ass. Uh, good luck, I guess.
>>29299883
What? Someone takes your hat and stomps on it, you beat the shit out of them. And since when has America at large given a shit about what the world thinks? Let's repay Canada for 9/11.
>>29288716
It's more of a matter of where greenland ends and canada begins than it's about that specific island.
Oil fields matter.
>>29291412
You have no right to call yourself Danish if you are affiliated with the Americucks. Danish is a single nationality, you cant be both.
considering canada has 12 AShM armed frigates while denmark only has 3 i think the winner is obvious
>>29288699
>Who will emerge triumphant
Guy here,
While Canada might not like someone messing around their back package, nothing will unbang Denmark's mum.
