ITT: We post hilarious international jokes
I'll start
>>57469216/balt/
>>57469216
The United Nations initiated a poll with the request,
"Please tell us your honest opinion about the lack of food in the rest of the world."
The poll was a total failure:
The Russians did not understand "Please".
The Italians did not know the word "honest".
The Chinese did not know what an "opinion" was.
The Europeans did not know "lack", while the Africans did not know "food".
Finally, the Americans didn't know anything about the "rest of the world".
Italian military history.
>>57469473
>>57469473
Which nationality was Ötzi the Iceman? He wasn't Italian, as he carried tools, he wasn't Austrian, since he had brains, he might have been Swiss, since he was overtaken by a glacier, but most probably he was a North German, because nobody else walks in sandals in the mountains.
>>57469216
>>57469530
Look at this beautiful DUTCH empire, which isn't GERMAN in any way.
WEWUZEASTFRANCIANSHEEIT
>>57469530
Voltaire pls
>>57469216
>Not comparing like with like
Hilarious. If you had just compared the United Kingdom on both dates there would still be a considerable reduction in size.
>>57469627
>The autism is real
>>57469529
Somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean, two submarines, Soviet and American, come to the surface. The Soviet one is old and rusty; the American one is new and sleek matte black. On the Soviet one, the crew lounges about lazily, and a drunken captain yells at them: "Who threw a valenok (traditional Russian winter footwear made of felt) on the control board? I'm asking you, who threw a valenok on the control board?!"
From the American submarine, a clean-shaven, sober, and smartly-dressed captain yells scornfully: "You know, folks, in America..."
The Russian captain dismissively interrupts him: "America??! Ain't no fucking America no more!!" [He turns back to his crew] "Who threw a valenok on the control board?!"
>>57469703
Ha ha ha you got me ha ha ha
>>57469703
A Russian and an American are sentenced to Hell. The Devil summons them and says: "Guys, you have 2 options: an American or Russian Hell. In the American one you can do what you want, but you'll have to eat a bucket of shit every morning. The Russian one is the same, but it's 2 buckets." The Yankee quickly makes up his mind and goes to American Hell, while the Russian eventually chooses the Russian one.
In a week or so they meet. The Russian asks: "So, what's it like out there?"
"Exactly what the devil said, the Hell itself is OK, but eating a bucket of shit is killing me. And you?"
"Ah, it feels just like home - either the shit doesn't get delivered or there aren't enough buckets for everyone!"
>>57469806
5/5 can taste vodka
>>57469473
Toplel
>>57469677
It is.
>>57469703
Is there a punchline for this?
>>57469935
The Falklands aren't part of the United Kingdom.
>>57469637
Cringe
"During the Damansky Island incident the Chinese military developed three main strategies: The Great Offensive, The Small Retreat, and Infiltration by Small Groups of One to Two Million Across the Border".
>>57470104
1982 says it sure is.
A quiet time at the Egypt-Israel frontline. A Jew shouts: "Hey, Abdullah!" - A head pops up: "What do you want?" - and catches a bullet. Now an Egyptian shouts: "Hey, Abraham!" - "Who asked Abraham?" - A head pops up: "It's me, Abdullah!" - and catches a bullet.
>>57469216
"I told some Estonian blokes that they're slow."
"What did they reply?"
"Nothing, but they beat me up the following day."
>>57469216
Heaven on earth:
japanese wife
american house
french kitchen
english butler
german car
russian vodka
Hell on earth:
american wife
japanese house
english kitchen
french butler
russian car
german vodka
>>57470724
you forgot
Heaven:
Finnish sauna
Non-Finnish Eurovision
Hell:
Non-Finnish sauna
Finnish Eurovision
A man in Belfast is walking home after a night in the pub when he is grabbed from behind and a gun pointed at his head, then a rough voice says to him "Are you catholic or a protestant?". Thinking quickly the man replies that he is Jewish, as he says that another voice from nearby bushes shouts "Quick Yassar, we finally have one!".
>>57469216
>>57470104
Then the comparison is flawed as the map doesn't list any of the other overseas territories
It would be hilarious if it wasn't so depressing
>>57470724
> Japanese wife
> Heaven on earth
Good joke
Why do Stasi officers make such good taxi drivers?
You get in the car and they already know your name and where you live.
What would happen if Sahara became a socialist country?
Nothing for a while... and then there would be a sand shortage.
>>57469935
Fixed again, sun still doesn't set on it.
3 Latvian men are sitting around fire.
"My son is soldier he rape as many girls as he want" says first man.
"That nothing my son is farmer he have all the potato he want" said the second man.
"My son died at birth, for him struggle is over" said third man.
All agree third man's son is the luckiest. All is sad.
>>57470208
>yfw making that post
>>57471307
shit joke
A Canadian seal walks into a club
During World War II, a sergeant stationed at Fort Benning gets a telephone call from a woman.
"We would love it," she said, "if you could bring five of your soldiers over to our house for Thanksgiving dinner."
"Certainly, ma'am," replied the sergeant.
"Oh... just make sure they aren't Jews, of course," said the woman.
"Will do," replied the sergeant. So, that Thanksgiving, while the woman is baking, the doorbell rings. She opens her door and, to her horror, five black soldiers are standing in front of her.
"Oh, my!" she exclaimed. "I'm afraid there's been a terrible mistake!"
"No ma'am," said one of the soldiers. "Sergeant Rosenbloom never makes mistakes!"
>>57469561
fucking nice
Man hear knock at door
"Who is"
"Is potato man I have free potato"
Man is very excite and opens door
Is not potato man is secret police
>>57469216
>>57471307
shit joke
>>57471567
>>57471583
I dont think so
>>57471602
/balt/
canadian culture
cultured australians
american army
north european contributions to humanity
the country of austria
these are good jokes.
>>57471642
United Europe
>>57471674
>>57471519
Much funnier with the image mate.
>>57471667
A french Corsica.
>>57470777
>Finnish Eurovision
trips confirm Finnish Eurovision is hell
>>57471739
Top Pip
>>57471567
>>57471602
James woods is based as fuck
>>57472058
What's wrong with Finnish Eurovision?
Reagan dishing out those hot Soviet jokes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mN3z3eSVG7A
>>57469216
Bad deal
>>57470525
It was fine until the autism began
A hotel. A room for four with four strangers. Three of them soon open a bottle of vodka and proceed to get acquainted, then drunk, then noisy, singing, and telling political jokes. The fourth man desperately tries to get some sleep; finally, in frustration he surreptitiously leaves the room, goes downstairs, and asks the lady concierge to bring tea to Room 67 in ten minutes. Then he returns and joins the party. Five minutes later, he bends to a power outlet: “Comrade Major, some tea to Room 67, please.” In a few minutes, there’s a knock at the door, and in comes the lady concierge with a tea tray. The room falls silent; the party dies a sudden death, and the prankster finally gets to sleep. The next morning he wakes up alone in the room. Surprised, he runs downstairs and asks the concierge what happened to his companions. “You don’t need to know!” she answers. “B-but… but what about me?” asks the terrified fellow. “Oh, you… well… Comrade Major liked your tea gag a lot.”
>>57472306
I have seen things, anon.
Islamic Third Rome
>>57471307
why do brits go to africa? to make bbc documentaries
why are brits going to run out of jobs? meccanization
why are brits after jihadi john? to seize his knife
why did brits gave away the promised lands to israel? nope they kept the virgin islands
why did scots want independence? transvestites have identity issues
why do brits retain gibraltar? to provoke asspain
>>57472796
PANAMA
>>57472796
>why are brits after jihadi john? to seize his knife
>>57469216
Poland. It sounds like a joke by itself.
One day back in Soviet times, a judge walks out of his chambers laughing his head off. A colleague approaches him and asks why he is laughing. "I just heard the funniest joke in the world!" "Well, go ahead, tell me!" says the other judge. "I can't – I just gave someone ten years for it!"
>>57469561
he didnt wear sandals though
A Soviet class after WW2. The teacher is having everyone tell the others what they did during the war.
-"Masha, what did you do?
-"Me and my mother sewed coats for soldiers."
-"Very good, you helped to keep them warm. Igor, what did you do?"
-"Grandfather and I, we worked in the arsenal and made rifles for the Red Army"
-"Good boy, Igor, that was useful. Volodya, what did you do?"
-"I was in the trenches and helped the soldiers reload."
-"Volodya, you're a true hero! What did the soldiers say to that?"
-"Gut gut, Valdemar, weiter so!"
>>57473919
sehr gut mein bruder
>>57469473
I can agree to this
>>57470108
I wish someone had to the balls to say something more often.
>>57469935
delet this
>>57470104
>Is there a punchline for this?
America done blowed up.
>>57473919
Hehe
during Continuation war a Finnish unit was retaking a town lost in Winter war & a pair of civil war veterans was storming a house. One of teh pair fired a burts from a submachinegun into a room, saying "I haven't experienced this kind of war since we took Tampere during the civil war", while the other guy threw a grenade and replied "nice to be on this side of the windows for a change."
>>57473919
top kek
>>57470724
why is a japanese house hell on earth ?
>>57472869
lel i cant believe TV licenses are still a thing. Fucking limes
>>57469591
kek
pic related
>>57470525
You can use our language with our permission, you're welcome chicano-kun :3
>>57476610
It's really hilariously closet-tier tiny and has very thin walls.
two men are walking in the street when the first spots a nigger carrying a TV:
"hey that's mine! oh wait, mine is at home, cleaning the kitchen"
what's the different between a nigger and a sack of shit?
the sack
where do you put 10 jews in a car?
in the ashtray
where do you put 5 jews in a car?
2 in the front and 3 in the back, because the holocaust never happened
a man is walking in the street and he sees a huge nigger with a strange exotic bird on his shoulder, he asks "what's that animal?" "a nigger!" the parrot answers
>>57477990
what's the difference between a tracktor tire and a nigger?
when you put chains on a tracktor tire it doesn't start singing blues.
what's the difference between a tramboline and a nigger?
you take your shoes off before jumping on a tramboline.
>>57477990
le funi 70 year old jokes
surely u can do better
>>57471717
>stacie
hahahaha stupid degenerate whore got what she deserved RRRREEE
>>57471486
kek
why do jews have such big noses?
The air is free
Whats a jews biggest dilemma?
Free bacon
What was the fastest vehicle during world war 2?
A jew on a bike through berlin
>>57473919
>Volodya
Vovochka.
>>57479492
Vovka
