ITT: Common jokes about other countries from your country.
Yesterday a plane crashed on a graveyard in Lisboa, they have found 5000 dead so far.
>>51533808
... I ...
hardy har har
So my kiwi friend wanted me to meet his girlfriend...
She was 4ft tall.
>>51533977
I don`t get it.
The angry English says to the German:
>i just can`t stand my wife stupidity, she just bought a bicycle, even through she doesn`t know how to ride it
The English answered:
>well lad, you should see my wife, spent a lot of money on building a pool, even through she can`t swim
The Portuguese hearing and laughing said:
>you guys should see my wife, she just bought a whole pack of condoms for her vacation in Brazil, even through she doesn`t have a penis
>>51534264
keep going, I'm lmao
>>51534264
These are the famous portuguese jokes?
They're just stupid.
Those jokes are usually awful (except >>51534264 tho)
I pretty much only like dark humour
Portugal? More like Poortugal lmao
>>51534405
>These are the famous portuguese jokes?
No, that would be your economy.
>>51534481
>I pretty much only like dark humour
>>51533808
the barman says: «we don’t serve bulgarian time travelers in here».
a bulgarian time traveler walks into a bar.
>>51534543
Forgot your pic m8
>>51534481
for you then, I loved it the first time I saw it
>>51534481
>i pretty much only like dark humour
>>51534511
It's in brazil, fuck off.
How does a Jew smell if he has no nose?
Awful!
>>51534555
Fuck.
An American walks into a bar.
15 dead.
>>51534584
Jew and Ukrainian are riding a train.
Ukrainian: You Jews are smart, what is the secret?
The Jew opens up his bag and takes out a Gefiltefish and says: It's becasue we eat this.
Ukr: Really? Give me one piece!
Jew: Give me 100 rubbel and I'll give you the whole fish.
Ukr: What, no, just give me a little taste...
Jew: Well if you don't want the fish then I'm going to eat everything myself.
Ukr: Wait ok take the 100 rubble.
The Ukrainian gives 100 rubble to the Jew, takes the fish and starts eating,
Ukr: Wait, this is a simple fish!
Jew: You see - it's already working!
The Portuguese proudly says:
Im moving to Brazil to make some easy money those fuckers are so gullible, you wouldn`t believe, i lied to one on a trip that i was gay, and the idiot just spent the entire trip fucking me.
What's small, pale and gets nervous on flights?
Portugal.
>>51534725
It sort of sounds like you're calling your own countrymen gay though
Portugal? More like fartugal.
>>51534566
Ok fine have a nationality joke
An englishman, an american and a belgian are in a bar in paris
The englishman : "It's fun here but in London, I know a pub whre you buy the first pint, you buy the second pint and the owner offers you the third pint"
The american replies "I don't want to brag but I know an even better bar in New York, you buy the first beer and the owner offers you the second"
The belgian : "Oh yeah? Well I know a bar in Bruxelles, you get the first beer for free, you get the second beer for free, you get the third beer for free, you get the fourth beer for free and then you go upstairs in a bedroom and you fuck"
Others : "Incredible ! Did you try it?"
Belgian : "No but it happened to my sister"
>>51534628
>American walks into public place
>150 dead
>>51534747
Manoel, tu na cabeça tem titica
Vai largar de putaria e vai cuidar da padaria!
Q: Why did the boy fall off the swing?
A: Because he had no arms
>>51534860
Manuel é com U, caralho.
My dad used to tell this when I was a kid
Who won the Turkish beauty contest?
No one
Who came second?
A man
Q. Why do Americans always want a tip?
A. They lose theirs at birth
>>51534917
>>51534988
Aylamo
>>51534988
LEL
>>51534988
Once upon a time a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai. After a year, only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese and a Jewish samurai.
"Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor.
The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box and released a fly. He drew his katana and swish, the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two. "What a feat!" said the Emperor.
"Samurai Number Two, show me what you do." The Chinese samurai bowed, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his katana and swish, swish, the fly fell to the floor neatly quartered. "That is skill!" nodded the Emperor.
"How are you going to top that, Samurai Number Three?" The Jewish samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box, releasing one fly, drew his katana and swoooooosh, flourished his katana so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room. But the fly was still buzzing around!
In disappointment, the Emperor said, "What kind of skill is that? The fly isn't even dead."
"Dead, schmead," replied the Jewish samurai. "Dead is easy. Circumcision . . . that takes skill!"
>>51534988
Q. Why are australians such shit
A. Because they're filthy fucking animals, fucking get a life you neet shit, dork
fucking get the fuck back in ur shitty outhouse in the outback you kangaroo
hide aussie posts you nerdss
fucking shithead aussie shitters always posting stupid nonsense about america in these threads, its all lies........
Aussie """"""humans"""""" are actually aboriginal monkeys. HAHHA!.
Terribel. good thing britain sent conivcts to improve the conditions.
assfailia!!!
ausSTALEPEEah
FUCK
OFFFFFF
>>51534988
>>51534162
Shes a sheep, m90.
>>51534970
Its just from a song, chill out.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWIhGM4SDZ0
-Why are there so many premature deliveries in Argentina?
-Because no woman can stand an Argentinian men for 9 months
>>51534988
Holy moly
>>51535113
*tips penis*
haha u can't do it back cocktopus get rekt
>>51535113
Are you mad because your mum ordered to mutilate your penis?
i like knock knock jokes
>Knock Knock
who's there?
>its the police mam your son has been killed by a hit and run driver, the driver was an alcohol
>>51534988
no bully pls
>>51535271
But who was door?
Argie "men"
>>51535271
apology for poor english
when were you when john lenin dies?
i was sat at home eating smegma butter when pierre ring
‘john is kill’
‘no’
>>51535415
>i will never know what having smegma is like
>Why did the moron throw the clock out of the window?
Because it reminded him of Richard Clock, the man convicted of knife raping his wife
A Maori walks into a bar wearing only one shoe
the bartender says "Mate, have ya lost a shoe?"
The Maori replies "nah bro, I found one"
>>51535496
>he doesn't eat his daily amount of personal dick cheese
fucking barbarians
A Brazilian, a Portuguese and the Portuguese wife where lost in a desert island.
The brazilian suggested climbing a tree to see if there is some boat coming, and say he will climb first then the portuguese later.
After climbing the tree, the Brazilian screams:
>Manoel, stop fucking your wife
>Im not fucking my wife
>Manoel, stop fucking your wife
>Im not fucking my wife
>goddamit Manoel, can you stop fucking your wife?
>come here you stupid brazilian, im not fucking my wife
Then the Brazilian goes down and the Portuguese climbs the tree.
>Oh look, from here it really looks like he is fucking my wife
>>51534555
He didnt need it, I can smell le hat joke dripping off your post
>>51535859
>Manoel
>o
Goddam
>>51535969
Oh, Manoel, olha cá como eu estou
Tu não imaginas como eu estou sofrendo
Uma "teta" minha um negão arrancou
E a outra que sobrou está doendo
The Portuguese went to a soda machine, put a coin, and took the can. Then he put another coin and picked up another can. Then put another coin and picked up another can. Half an hour of it, a long line began to form behind him. Then the Brazilian behind him said:
- Hey Manuel, when are you going to stop?
The Portuguese replied:
- Not while I'm winning!
>>51534988
STOP
>>51536107
>Manuel com u
FINALMENTE
Why can't pakis buy smarties?
Because they'll blow up the tube
>>51534511
Goddamn.
>How does a Kiwi cure insomnia?
Counting his sexual partners
>I was walking down the road the other day, and I saw my kiwi neighbour wrangling some sheep. I yelled out 'Hey mate, you shearing em?' and he replied 'Fuck off get your own'
>Why can't Kiwi blokes take their girlfriends to the rugby?
They eat all the grass
>The condom was originally invented in New Zealand in the early 1800's, they used a sheep's intestine. The Australians later refined the idea by removing it from the sheep.
It is raining a lot in Portugal and the streets are flooded so Sebastião yells to Manuel when he sees him leaving his car on the street
"Manuel! Don't leave it there! The water will take your car away!."
The Manuel answers
"Of course not, silly Sebastião! The key is right here with me"
>>51534511
wew
>>51533808
Nice Dutch gondola.
An Aussie, a Pom and a Chinaman are all in a plane.
The plane starts going down, so the pilot yells out
>"We need to lose some weight, ditch whatever you have too much of in your country"
The Pom looks through his luggage and finds a few packs of tea and throws them out the window.
The Chinaman looks through his and finds a few bags of rice, which he proceeds to throw out as well.
The Aussie looks around, then boots out the Chinaman and the Pom.
>>51536410
stolen from jokes about the welsh DESU
>>51536430
*Manoel
Fix`d.
>>51534511
absolutely savage
>>51534700
you pesky jews and your cunning ways!
A famous Englishman once made a comment about how oats are usually used to feed horses in England, and sustain the general populace in Scotland.
A Scottish friend of his replied that this fact must be why the most beautiful horses come from England, and the most beautiful women from Scotland.
Near the border of Brazil and Argentina, there was a Brazilian church, which the argies went because it was near.
One day, the priest says:
-Brothers, today we will talk about the Pharisees, those cursed people, just like the Argies
All the present get angry and the mass gets agitated
In the end of the mass, the mayor tells the priest:
-You can`t say that again, the Argentinians make most of their shopping here, they bring money to this town, so you can`t make then angry.
The priest agrees and apologizes.
Next sunday, the priest starts again:
-Today we will talk about Mary Magdalene, a whore, just like those argies who are here present.
Again the mass becomes an angry mob, all the Argentinians leave the church angry, and the mayor asks the priest:
-Priest, have you forgot what i told you about this?
The priest says he couldn`t contain himself, and apologizes.
Next sunday, the mayor worried, listens to the priest, afraid of what he might say.
-Brothers, Today we will talk about the last supper.
The mayor and the mass feels better, since the last supper was a moment of peace, calm and celebration.
The priest continues:
-That night, Christ said: "One of you will betray me."
To which Peter asks:
"Master is that me?"
"No, its not you, Peter." Said Christ
Jonh then asks: "Master, will it be me?"
To which Christ answers: "No, its not you John."
Listening to the others asking, Judas Iscariot says:
"¿Señor, acaso soy yo?"
What is the worst thing that can happen to a Peruvian?
Be allergic to meat of a pigeon
Gallegoooooooooooos
>>51533808
this gondola is beautiful
>>51535496
I have quite a lot of foreskin and have literally never had smegma. Pretty sure it's quite a rare situation and blown out of proportion in the US since so many are cut and have no idea.
>>51537817
You just made that up right now
>>51537914
It's probably made by a specific BR autist who has a collection of gondolas. He posts it on /luso/ sometimes.
>>51538027
>I have quite a lot of foreskin
A common one here but Mexicans driving a car got into an accident. 20 people died
Q: How do you save a Mexican from drowning?
A: Take your foot off the back of his head.
>>51538027
You have a small penis, this is why there is extra foreskin.
Q: How do you starve a Mexican?
A: You hide his food stamps under the soap.
>>51534481
the frenchman is correct,
here is one:
Why are radical muslims so popular with young people? They blow up quick in the charters and kill the crowd at concerts.
What do you call a bunch of white people running down a hill?
>Avalanche
What do you call a bunch of black people running down a hill?
>Mudslide
What do you call a bunch of Mexicans running down a hill?
>Jailbreak
>>51538027
Yeah. I have a foreskin, and some of the cut guys here like to overplay the whole smegma thing.
It's like you say. They literally have no idea what having a foreskin is like, so they just spout ignorant shit to alleviate any of their insecurities.
>>51538661
this, I've never had smegma since the first time dad thought me to wash my dick
I just pull the skin back every time I bathe and it never accumulates.
it takes 5 seconds
>>51534988
>>51538723
>dad thought me to wash my dick
>>51534628
>>51534855
>An American walks into a bar
>The bar breaks
>>51538783
>american parent child relationships
I feel bad for you
>>51535113
Polish poster behind US proxy?
>>51538874
t. The guy who had to be taught how to wash his dick.
>>51538921
Seriously though, why would it occur to a small child to wash under their foreskin if they hadn't been taught already?
>>51538594
u cheeky cunt
>>51538783
Tell me about your shitty parenting
>american jumps with parachute
>Hiroshima was nuked
@
>in America people attracted to each other because of gravitation
>>51538921
>>51538963
I was 6-8 years old
>>51539017
Oh well then you probably should have learned sooner.
>>51537051
A good twist on the Jonson joke
>>51534700
>selling a fish for like 1$
proxy detected
>>51538977
Is this how parents bond with their children in Europe? My dad took me to baseball games, theme parks, and read chapters of the Hobbit to me and my sister before bedtime.
Why does time pass faster in Italy than anywhere else on Earth?
Because everytime you turn around you'll see a day go.
Why do Wogs wear gold chains?
So they know when to stop shaving.
Why are Wogs no good at soccer?
Because everytime they get a corner they open up a fruit shop.
How do you stop an Italian from speaking?
Tie his hands together.
>>51539226
Why did the Leb go to hospital?
Because he was fully sick bro.
Why did the Leb cross the road?
To bash the chicken.
Why did 30 Lebs cross the road?
Because the chicken was winning.
Why do Lebs cry during sex?
Pepper spray.
What did the Leb get after having sex?
10-15 without parole.
Why are New Zealanders like sperm?
A million come out but only one will work.
Latvian grow two potato, sell, make rich, leave country.
Wake up Latvia in still.
Is just dream. Nobody have two potato.
>Why do they call it Black Friday?
>because the fucking niggers wanted a day.
>>51534855
please tell me some Ecuadorian jokes
>>51540052
Ecuador
Who invented turkish toilets (pic related)
Indians, the turks only added the hole
What's the difference between italian pizza and russian whore?
- you can have an italian pizza without mushrooms
