Hey /int/, wanted to post this in the morning to catch you guys before bed. I've got an Estonian cousin and her friend visiting me and my family in California. They've been staying at my parents' house for a month and now they're here at my house with their own comfortable accommodations. They bought a cheap car to drive around in the city with, and they spent a month driving my parents' spare car around meeting people related to their job/hobby thing. They seem to be meeting lots of nice people and having a good time, but it doesn't seem like they want to share any of the happiness with us. They seem self-centered and immature, basically, like I'm asking my 14 year old daughter how her day at school was, except their in their mid-to-late twenties and they're not my daughters, and then they take the car and go out some place without telling us. They're kind of a pain in the ass and make us feel like we're not doing enough to pamper them.
Is this normal? What do I do to turn it around? I bought them a bottle of organic wine two weeks ago and made them dinner, then a few days ago, I introduced them to my really nice, welcoming friends. They enjoyed both the wine and the friend gathering, post-Thanksgiving party (they were at the bar with them until 1 in the morning), but they still seem detached, arrogant, and it's annoying for me.
Do you act like this when you visit distant relatives in a new place out of the blue for 6 months, all for free?
What is a good way to act as a guest with a host family, blood relatives or not?
Is there anything I can say or do to really fuck with their heads if they don't stop being bossy and rude?
Thanks, /int/. I called them "snow Jews" with my parents, and they had a hearty chuckle at that.
the correct term is vodka jews btw
Take them to Yosemite or some shit m8 if you haven't done that.
>>51514129
>estonian cousin
lmao your gene pool is ruined
>>51514129
>"snow Jews"
it's pinegers
>>51514129
they sound rude as fuck.
>They seem self-centered.
Our culture is introvert as fuck so thats a given.
just tell them you think they are being rude and that should fix shit.
But what do I know? Also take them to gun range.
>>51514230
thx. they ought to drink more, honestly. i think part of it is some kind of repressed alcoholism. trying to be ladylike.
>>51514342
and listen to them complain "why doesn't the rest of California have forests like these?" or "why is so much of California built in the desert when there's nature like this here?" they find a way to twist everything into some fedora-core critique of America. it's never-ending. it's even too cold for them here.
>>51514365
thanks for the contribution. i'm mostly Irish. my gene pool is a toxic wasteland of literature and beer. this is a distant cousin, which makes her atittude all the more insulting.
Take them to shoot a aa-12 from the back of your monster truck.
>Not engaging in smalltalk is a heinous crime in America.
Nothing you've described sounds rude to me, they're just introverted. If you want them to open up you should just get them drunk again.
They seem detached because they are detached. It's not arrogance, in fact, your cousins might think that they're being polite not bothering you with their accounts of the day.
We're very private and reserved people compared to americans, at least that's what americans tend to say about us, give them time and chances to warm up to you.
>>51514641
>she
forget everything I said.
do what said>>51514920
and if you can be bothered tell them not to be cunts and anti american.
>>51514129
>Estonian cousin
do you feel causeless butthurt from time to time?
It's not arrogance or immaturity, it's simply not customary in most of Europe to drown everyone around you in smalltalk about every detail of your life. My parents don't even ask me about my work most of the days, and it's perfectly natural. If you have an issue with hosting them for free, ask them to pick up the grocery bills every now and then, but don't expect to become their diary.
>>51514855
>California
>AA-12
>monster truck
Unless OP has a special license for both, he won't be able to
>>51514895
>smalltalk is haram in Sharialand
Color me surprised
>>51514129
>But it doesn't seem like they want to share any of the happiness with us
Are you a energy vampire?
>and then they take the car and go out some place without telling us
Then why did you give them a permission to take the car? Do you expect 20 year olds act like 14 year old kids that need to ask for permission to go outside? You should have told them to ask before taking the car you dummy.
>>51514895
It is when you're living rent-free in one of the most expensive cities in the world for 4 months. Do you know what it's like having roommates, NEET-y boi? Imagine it's your cousin who is giving you the silent treatment, coming and going through the house whenever, with always something to piss and moan about when you ask them how their day was, and the punchline is always "lol amerigga XDD." my parents had to endure this shit for a month, and they totally agree with me, and I was the one who had to hear my parents complain about them every single day over the phone. they're like the stereotype of the French if the French actually acted like that. so i'm trying to nip this in the bud, not get lectured about small talk. other Europeans aren't like this, I've gone out of my way to meet plenty here and over there.
>>51514920
they have warmed up to us, but they're still uncomfortable. my cousin told the most oxygen-stealing racist jew/black joke straight out of a 14 year old bad boy's bag of tricks. they've got the bantz, trust me, but their overall vibe is
>victim complex/snarky know-it-all yet somehow get themselves in positions that force us to ask them about how they're doing because they underestimate their situation
like, we wouldn't keep asking if they didn't keep complaining. they can't put two and two together.
>>51515013
maybe this situation is pointing toward my latent causeless butthurt because i'm a 1/4 estonian
>>51515408
How old are you?
>>51514129
>it doesn't seem like they want to share any of the happiness with us
We Estonians do not express happiness like you. Most of us don't share our happiness.
>They're kind of a pain in the ass and make us feel like we're not doing enough to pamper them.
Expressing emotions is quite hard for an Estonian. Don't take it personally. I'm pretty sure they appreciate everything you do for them but they fail to express it.
>They seem self-centered and immature, basically, like I'm asking my 14 year old daughter how her day at school was
Even if I'm out with my best friend and he asks how my day was, I answer "it was ok".
If they want to tell you about it, they will tell. Otherwise, if you keep asking about every little thing, they might find it annoying.
>>51514641
>they find a way to twist everything into some fedora-core critique of America.
Actually, this kind of thing is pretty usual in Estonia. We critisise basically everything. But this does not mean that we don't like it. I'm sure your cousin likes America but she doesn't express it the way you would hope she does. It's a cultural thing.
>>51514895
>>51515163
These guys get it.
>>51514920
Also, this.
>>51515771
Don't worry about it.
>>51515707
>other Europeans aren't like this, I've gone out of my way to meet plenty here and over there
Not all Europeans are the same. Not all people are the same for that matter.
How did you end up taking care of them for 4 months FOR FREE anyway? Can you not give them a subtle hint to fuck off?
>>51516078
Thanks. It's just weird, it's like a paternal instinct to make sure somebody is doing alright, you know? And it's the feeling of the rebel daughter to just
>"LEAVE ME ALONE, DAD!"
i wasn't expecting this when they said "hey we're coming here in October. we have no plan, so we're just gonna leach off you until we run out of money"
>>51516106
they said, "hey we're coming to America to stay." i immediately said, "let's look at apartments you can live at." honestly, i thought they would be interested in some of the neighborhoods i'm familiar with and really like. they said, "no, we want to buy a car first [and use your 60-something year old retired parents' house as a homebase]. and my parents are out in the countryside and can't drive them around looking at cars all day, so they let them drive their spare car. instead of driving it to look at cars to buy, they just drove it for an entire month! they're were like, "well, if they offer it, we're going to not only accept the offer, but abuse the privilege." just because something is offered, doesn't mean you should take it, and that goes for every culture in the world. that's actually the first way you show you respect a person. you decline their first offer, show that you are independent enough to do it on your own, and then offer them something back. it works that way from the tribes of africa to the eskimos. it's mutual imbalance, personal respect based on reciprocity. anthropology 101. and keep in mind, they have a hefty sum of money they saved up and brought over here to spend.
i guess i feel like a father whose daughter is still living at home but going out partying and gives me a smart mouth every time i talk to her. remind me to never have children and to sell off my first daughter to some muslims when she turns the ripe age of 11.
>>51516583
>"hey we're coming here in October. we have no plan, so we're just gonna leach off you until we run out of money"
And you never asked how long will they be staying?
Tell them to to get a job.
And be fucking straightforward about it. Just tell them what bothers you. Don't expect them to guess what you are thinking.
>>51514129
>Estonian cousin
Estonian breeding season started already?
>>51514129
That's just normal mongolian behavior. We _literally_ all have autism compared to normal, social cultures. Also what >>51516078 said
You need to get drunk with them. Not some pussyass civilized evening of drinks and merry discourse, but a total catharthic trip down the memory hole that tears apart everyone's defenses. 1 litre of vodka per person is the minimum.
>it doesn't seem like they want to share any of the happiness with us
Americans are literally retarded.
>>51516583
>just because something is offered, doesn't mean you should take it
To be honest, that appears to me as insincerity (in my cultural enviro). Though I understand what you mean, things aren't usually offered as part of some convention here but purely because of intent.
Being honest about your experiences seems like the smart thing to do here, instead of talking shit about people behind their backs.
Straightforwardness shouldn't be a problem.
Then again maybe they're utter retards who knows.
>>51514129
Have you tried, idk.... Telling them how you feel like any normal person would do?
