![tumblr_nko0htuxZw1u9bueto1_400[1].png](https://i.imgur.com/O5tQnc2.png "tumblr_nko0htuxZw1u9bueto1_400[1].png")
Can we get a funny historical thread? A historical "you laugh you lose" of sorts? I'm sure everyone would have plenty to contribute.
Pompeii graffiti
http://www.pompeiana.org/Resources/Ancient/Graffiti%20from%20Pompeii.htm
>>280154
R O M A
O
M
A
>>280106
>>280228
Fuck off Tumblr
>>280228
It was doing ok until 19
>>280228
>white people go to Congo and ruin everything
Well that's not a really retartded statement though
The papacy put a corpse on trial once.
>>280228
>world is at peace
you lost me
>>280248
>>280248
What really happened?
>>280317
Pope A was butthurt about dead Pope B so he had Pope B dug up and put on trial for some shit.
>>280154
>On April 19th I made bread
For what purpose would someone graffiti this? It's so mundane I actually kek'd.
>>280248
>tfw all those people involved that had to keep from laughing during the entire synod
>>280106
>The last Sui emperor, Sui Yang (A.D. 581-618), took the throne after murdering his father and older brother. He had a queen, two deputy queens, 6 royal consorts, 72 madames and 3,000 palace maidens but even that wasn't enough to satisfy him sexually.
>He had a particular thing for teenage virgins and reportedly used a "virgin wheelchair" to capture them. According to a palace historian after the girl was seated "clamps would automatically spring up to hold her arms and spread her legs apart, while the mechanized cushion would place her body in the right position to receive the royal favor."
>>280154
>O walls, you have held up so much tedious graffiti that I am amazed that you have not already collapsed in ruin.
>>280380
More Chinese Madness: Warlord Era Extraordinaire: Zhang Zongchang
>Ex-Bandit, joined army of Northern warlord: Zhang Zuolin
>Takes command of Shandong Province, makes it his own little kingdom.
>Acquires the name General Dogmeat for his fondness of Gambling (Dogmeat, a sort of card game in China)
> Kept some thirty to fifty concubines of different nationalities, including Koreans, Japanese, White Russians, French and Americans, each of whom were given numbers since he could not remember their names nor speak their language.
>Becomes so powerful, he becomes known as "General Three Don't Knows." because "He doesn't know how much money he has, how big his army is, how many concubines he has."
>During one of his campaigns, he publicly announced he would win the battle or come home in his coffin. When his troops were forced back he was true to his word - he was paraded through the streets, sitting in his coffin, and smoking a large cigar.
>Accepted a lot of White Russian refugees fleeing Bolsheviks. Organized them into a personal bodyguard of White Russian lancers.
>Was in Opium trade, with his son in charge of the operation. A deal gone bad and his son and three other officers engaged in a shootout. They killed each other.
Eventually defeated in 1928 by Chiang Kai-Shek, he fled to Japan.
> "Accidentally" shot Prince Xien Kai, a cousin of Emperor Puyi. According to Zhang the gun he was holding while standing at his hotel window happened to go off and shoot the prince in the back, killing him, but likely he killed the playboy prince for dallying with one of Zhang's concubines.
>Was charged, found guilty by a Japanese court, and given the choice between 15 days imprisonment or a $150 fine.
>He chose the fine.
Never gets old
>>280391
>a cousin of Emperor Puyi
>15 days imprisonment or a $150 fine
i would have thought that the nips would have had him tortured for months before killing him through exposure. Why was he let off so easily?
>>280422
They must not've liked Xien Kai very much
>>280422
Nobody gave a shit about the recently deposed Qing.
Just in the Xinhai revolution the Revolutionaries were killing Imperial Relatives left and right.
>The contrast between the glorious, pre-Islamic Persian civilization and the primitive and unsophisticated tribal lifestyle of the Arab Bedouins is the main theme of the šoʿubi literature, which generally satirizes Arabs for their diet of snakes, mice, lizards, and camel milk.
>A vivid example of the claim for Persian superiority may be seen in a poem by Ebrāhim b. Mamšāḏ of Isfahan [...] “I am the son of the noble descendants of Jam, and the inheritance of the kings of Persia has fallen to my lot. … I am reviving their glory, which has been lost and effaced by the length of time. … Say then to all sons of Hashem: Return to your country in the Hejaz, to eat lizards and to graze your sheep.
Persians, the /r9k/ of Islam.
>>280228
>JohnGreenNotes.jpg
>>280514
>pre-Islamic
>islam
>>280391
>>During one of his campaigns, he publicly announced he would win the battle or come home in his coffin. When his troops were forced back he was true to his word - he was paraded through the streets, sitting in his coffin, and smoking a large cigar.
Fuck
>>280565
It's from after the conquest, but also after arabs lost control of the area. The ones writing all that were mostly muslim persians. The cited text in the second paragraph is from the 9th century.
>>280351
Maybe it's a metaphor for defecating? There were a lot of graffiti of plebs proud of their poop.
That or he was just happy he made good bread.
>>280794
Well it was found scrawled in a gladiator barracks, so it may well have been a metaphor for something.
But the thought of a mighty gladiator pulling a freshly baked loaf of bread out of the oven with a smile on his face humours me.
http://www.theguardian.com/books/2006/apr/29/philosophy
>Rousseau being a manchild
>>280228
>ressentiment.jpg
>le world peace
>le noble savage
>le muslim golden age
You're welcome world for being conquered by civilised people instead of riceniggers or muslims.
>>280958
>(user was excommunicated for this post)
10/10
>>280154
>>280391
>Time dubbed him China's "basest warlord".
He seems pretty based. But godamn what a life.
>>280950
>Text covers up Middle East and China which are uncolored
>>281071
Why don't you cover up your shit comments.
>>280351
Maybe the man makes damn fine bread, dude. It's okay to be proud.
>>280380
>a queen, two deputy queens, 6 royal consorts, 72 madames and 3,000 palace maidens but even that wasn't enough to satisfy him sexually.
>kill dad and bro
>achieve thousands of bitches
B A S E D
>>281139
wasn't there a version of this with moot and an aussie?
>>281140
tidder>>>
>>281156
there are plenty of versions of this around m8, it's a relatively popular meme
>>280391
Speaking of China, Zhang Xianzhong, a rebellion leader who reportedly depopulated the whole of Sichuan with his army, cut off the arms and legs of the dead for good luck and erected a monument to his deeds in Chengdu, with an inscription that read:
Heaven brings forth innumerable things to nurture man.
Man has nothing good with which to recompense Heaven.
Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill.
>>280866
>the muh noble savage spanking fetishist is also a petty manchild
Well colour me surprised.
>>281177
Yeah guy was straight out of 40k
>In another, to give thanks for his recovery after an illness, he was said to have cut off the feet of many women. The severed feet were heaped in two piles with those of his favorite concubine, whose feet were unusually small, placed on top, and these two piles of feet were then doused in oil and set alight to be what he called "heavenly candles"
>had a throne made of human ears
>had all the civilians killed in front of him by his men, then when the civilians ran out he had them fight each other in impromptu gladiator fights
Of course, 90% of the stuff is most likely demonization and propaganda, but it's still worse than Dracula
>>280391
>sitting in his coffin smoking his cigar
How did he do that if he was dead?
>>281405
It was a joke, you know?
He kept true on his promise when the implications of him returning in a coffin meant he was dead but he was actually still alive
>>281405
>>280154
>I screwed a lot of girls here
>>281492
The bread guy blows him the fuck out of the water, though.
Everyone fucks bitches.
Good bread, though?
>>280351
Australians in Pompeii
>>280154
>http://www.pompeiana.org/Resources/Ancient/Graffiti%20from%20Pompeii.htm
What is with the sheer amount of "defecate" statements? Did Romans call people shitters as an insult?
>>281594
Maybe Pompeii had a problem with street shitters
>>281629
But only in the designated streets.
>>280418
I'm confused. It says the Oryol fired 500 shells and hit nothing, but the Oryol sank in harbor. This sounds like Jap propaganda.
>>281638
Why would it only be a problem on the designated streets
>>281492
Less noteworthy than bread and the guy bidding farewell to vagina because he's going full homo
>>280248
The pope wanted to declare an elephant holy he liked. Had a procession through Rome when it died.
>>281751
Also that robot going on about Venus shattering his ribs and ripping out his heart or something
Bologna and Modena once fought a war over a bucket that was stolen by some blokes from Modena.
>>281772
Modena still got the bucket, too.
>>281757
>"Let everyone one in love come and see. I want to break Venus’ ribs with clubs and cripple the goddess’ loins. If she can strike through my soft chest, then why can’t I smash her head with a club?"
>>281777
Cheeky bastards after hunderds of years still provoking Bologna with their bucket.
>>280351
It's a slang for getting laid
>>281644
>While fitting out in Kronstadt in May 1904 in preparation for the installation of her armor, some temporary sheathing was removed that allowed water to enter and sank the ship five days later. The water was pumped out and the ship refloated without incident.
>>280154
>Apollinaris, the doctor of the emperor Titus, defecated well here.
Seems like some relevant information. As if they were thinking if the doctor of the emperor shat well here i might do the same
>>281896
Not only shat here, but shat here well.
You wouldn't want to shit at just any wall if you could shit at a wall where a celebrity doctor recommends it?
The barman probably charged extra for that stuff.
>>280189
TOP KEK
O
P
K
E
K
>>281572
underrated post
this thread is a fucking goldmine
>>280958
And that's where the other chan comes from
>>281140
Reddit makes some quality content every once and a while. It's just that the community is shit
>>280228
>tfw some people actually believe this
Back to tumble with you
>>280228
I love the way this retard assumes Mongolia was consistently independent and didn't become part of China.
>>281989
China got conquered by the Mongolians, and even then the horse nomads are still hanging out
>>280817
>now that I think about it
>I've always wanted to be a baker
>>282400
>yes, a baker
>>280248
Well, not "the papacy", just a particularly butthurt pope.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cadaver_Synod
One time Napoleon Bonaparte wanted to have a hunt after singing the Treaties of Tilsit, so he arranged a big party and invited people to hunt rabbits with him, but the guy he told to get the rabbits ended up bringing hundreds of domesticated rabbits, instead of wild ones. When released from their cages they didn't run away. Instead, thinking it was feeding time, they all charged Napoleon and the other hunters. He had to flee in his carriage but apparently it was a big mess trying to get away from rabbits climbing all over him.
>>280154
>The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
>Floronius, privileged soldier of the 7th legion, was here. The women did not know of his presence. Only six women came to know, too few for such a stallion.
>>280154
That's simultaneously awesome and sad and then scary.
Like, I think of myself as aware of my own mortality and sort of pride myself in my capacity to enjoy life despite this.
And these people bleed and die way more often and somehow i'd convinced myself that people of the past found distraction in lives that carried much more hardship, but they feel the same thing with the exact same self-awareness, have the exact same dumb sense of humor.
And I had the audacity to have some form of pity for them and their hardship, when my own existence is just as fleeting.
>>282899
Eugene von Savoyen was pretty based though.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prince_Eugene_of_Savoy
>>280106
>http://www.pompeiana.org/Resources/Ancient/Graffiti%20from%20Pompeii.htm
>Theophilus, don’t perform oral sex on girls against the city wall like a dog
more like Thugophilius
>>283010
Those colours belong to the Prinz von Preussen regiment meanwhile they're being depicted as part of the Winterfeldt regiment on the pic
The fuck man?
>>280418
Are there actual records of this? A page on Wikipeida maybe?
>>281983
>TFW that post was a response to yours
>>283087
Spooky.
>>281038
Jesus christ this just makes me sad
>>280351
>gladiator barracks
I'd say he survived a good fight with his buddies, they got shitfaced the whole night, he came back to his barracks still drunk like he had never been before, tried to made bread and writ it on the wall.
And the cringed a little every time he passed by the graffiti.
>James II (IV of Scotland) of England arrived defeated after the battle in Dublin complaining the Irish had raced from the field whereupon a Lady of Court observed that “The King has surely won the race!” James became known in Ireland as "Séamus an Chaca" or ‘James the Shit’ because he deserted his Irish supporters.
>>280351
it's slang for getting ass (no homo)
>>280154
>It took 640 paces to walk back and forth between here and there ten times
Were they bored out of their mind, drunk 24/7 or is this some sort of image?
Fucking romans, I swear.
>>283166
JUST
>>280106
>>283136
when ur mates grilling ya but u don't have proper response
>>283092
>edith cavell
still makes me mad how people idolize her
>be spy
>get caught and shot for it
>this is somehow inhumane because it was a woman
>>283146
Kek, what the fuck?
>>283071
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dogger_Bank_incident
http://www.hullwebs.co.uk/content/l-20c/disaster/dogger-bank/voyage-of-dammed.htm
The book "The Tzar's Last Armada" also gives an amusing account of the voyage.
>>283233
>Due to the heavy casualties suffered at Attu Island, planners were expecting another costly operation. The Japanese tactical planners had, however, realized the isolated island was no longer defensible and planned for an evacuation.
>Although small, there were signs of Japanese retreat. Anti-aircraft guns, once active during the bombardment of Kiska, were silent when Allied planes flew over in the days leading up to the invasion.
>On August 15, 1943, the 7th Division (U.S.) and the 13th Infantry Brigade (Canada), landed on opposite shores of Kiska.
>Both U.S. and Canadian forces mistook each other as the Japanese and, as a result of friendly fire, 28 Americans and 4 Canadians were killed, with wounded on either side.[1] A stray Japanese mine caused the USS Abner Read (DD-526) to lose a large chunk of its stern. The blast killed 71 and wounded 47. 191 troops went missing during the two-day stay on the island and presumably also died from friendly fire, booby traps, or environmental causes. Four other troops had also been killed by landmines or other traps.
>>283250
>Both U.S. and Canadian forces mistook each other as the Japanese and, as a result of friendly fire, 28 Americans and 4 Canadians were killed
>28 Americans and 4 Canadians
Fucking hell, with an army like that it's no wonder the US needed atomic weapons to win the Pacific War.
>>283269
0/10
>>281177
>Heaven brings forth innumerable things to nurture man.
>Man has nothing good with which to recompense Heaven.
>>283297
>Not contemplating on Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill.
>>281594
Because poo in the loo
>>281594
Thos Bactrians and Indus valley poo in the loo types, things never change
>>281038
Gay cancer.
>>281649
>DESIGNATED
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chevalier_d'Eon
cant find it in bigger res
>>283450
Of course the leaders would have food and the people would starve.
>>280228
except the world has literally never been at peace.
>>280228
>falling for the bait
It was good until
>world is at peace
Literally what
>>283172
top kek holy shit
>>281038
fuck off to reddit or /pol/ with garbage cancerous shit like this
>>280228
>you go, Mongolia
It's not a true tumblr post without a Mean Girls reference.
>>280351
It's slang for getting money.
>>280154
>VIII (Street of the Theaters); 64: A copper pot went missing from my shop. Anyone who returns it to me will be given 65 bronze coins (sestertii). 20 more will be given for information leading to the capture of the thief.
REAL
LIFE
SKYRIM
>>280404
I know this is old but every time I see it I gotta giggle. Whoever made this is a genius.
>>283408
I had no idea that this mediocre anime had a historical background.
>>280154
>original shitposters
>>280228
I hate this list but it gets way too much airtime on 4chan and Reddit.
This was made by a 14-year-old gay kid with no understanding of history, but people assume it's some sort of widely held mindset.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sun_Language_Theory
> was a Turkish nationalist pseudoscientific linguistic hypothesis developed in Turkey in the 1930s that proposed that all human languages are descendants of one proto-Turkic primal language. The theory proposed that because this primal language had close phonemic resemblances to Turkish, all other languages can essentially be traced back to Turkic roots. According to the theory, the Central Asian worshippers, who wanted to salute the omnipotence of the sun and its life-giving qualities, had done so by transforming their meaningless blabbering into a coherent set of ritual utterings, and language was born, hence the name
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mummia
>Mummia was offered for sale medicinally as late as 1908 in the catalogue of E. Merck.
>While Egyptian mummies were traditionally the source for mummia, as demand increased throughout the Renaissance, other types of corpses came to be used including non-Egyptian mummies and bodies of the recently deceased that were specially prepared.
>>281594
Street-shitting would have been quite common for the lower class. Not everybody could afford actual toilets.
I'm sure it's not unlike India today.
>>283400
>>281169
More absolute madmen please
>>281038
Fugg...
>>284814
this
>>283166
That's not really wrong, is it?
>>280228
White people confirmed for apex predators.
>>284876
Mumma mia!
>>281629
>>281638
>>281649
Romans had public toilets you know
>>284886
>Not everybody could afford actual toilets.
toilets, bathrooms and gyms were free for everyone in Rome
>>285145
That doesn't mean street shitters aren't a problem, clearly
>>280154
>Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up. Now it penetrates men’s behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity!
literally 4chan
>>283092
:DDDDD
>>285602
So did he?
>>285602
That guy probably kicked himself pretty hard
>>284920
>>281169
>>285602
kek
>>280154
>To the one defecating here. Beware of the curse. If you look down on this curse, may you have an angry Jupiter for an enemy.
>good luck and fortune will come to you but only if you post THANK YOU BASED JUPITER on this bathroom wall
>>285453
>Samius to Cornelius: go hang yourself!
>>285921
THANK YOU BASED JUPITER
>>285921
THANK YOU BASED JUPITER
>>280106
Fucking hilarious. Im gonna save this.
>>285921
THANK YOU BASED JUPITER
>>285921
no, it's a warning by an angry house owner.
>>281061
Heartwarming really. Brought a tear to my eye.
>>281492
sure you did, buddy.
I guess italiens really are related to them romans
>>280228
>white people go to the congo and ruin everything
There was nothing to ruin in the first place. What retard compiled this nonsense?
>>280228
>Mongolia stays strong through all of this
Because being the Qing Empire's bitch for centuries only to become a Soviet satellite a few years later is "staying strong."
>>283115
>tfw a couple of million years ago you could have had a beachside property
>tfw landlocked
>>281038
>tfw the traitorous Petain blocked the glorious Franco-British union
>tfw you will always be shackled to Anglo mutants and glorious fellow Gauls.
Feels bad man.
>>286184
And yet, the Belgians found a way to make it worse. It's the only thing on that list that's true; the Congo Free State was utterly indefensible m8. Even other colonial powers thought it was outrageous.
>>285646
You're gonna have to explain this one. I'm not seeing any joke.
>>286239
>I'm not seeing any joke
Neither was the Royal Navy after 1943.
>>285602
The title is legit, but I'm not sure about the article. It just seems too perfectly wrong.
>>280404
>>285921
THANK YOU BASED JUPITER
>>286260
>tfw Egypt will never crush Israel
>>282054
And then by the Qing Dynasty Mongolia was conquered by China.
>>286315
Blame Syria for fucking it all up.
>>286324
also the Saudis and Iraqis and Jordanians
basically everyone but Egypt
>>286263
>Scotland
lol
>>283166
>Scotch
>>285016
>somebody starts an african history thread
>>286263
I'm gonna need to read up on this
>>286332
Actually the Jordanians did pretty good too, but their standing and trained army was just too small to put forward an offensive
>>286332
>blaming the Jordanians
The only reason they lost the West Bank was because Egypt misled them about how well the war was going.
>>280154
>Antiochus hung out here with his girlfriend Cithera.
>tfw 79AD was 1936 years ago
>>286387
Well, the Jordanians would have never been a part of it anyways. The Hashemite Pan-Arabism was opposed to Nasser's Pan-Arabism from the start. You would have needed to depose King Hussein to have had a shot, and once King Hussein had the PLO kicked out of his country that wasn't going to happen.
>>285016
Haunted amusement parks are very scary
>>283125
Kek dead
>>286371
>In nearly 2000 years, girlfriend technology hasn't advanced one bit, hell it might have even regressed
>>280380
Nigga. Source????
>>286409
that's the point
Nasser faced too much opposition from too many sides to accomplish anything
Israel didn't want powerful Arab states, the Hashemites and Saudis didn't want socialism and republicanism to take hold, etc.
>>286460
Seeing as how he's the last in a dynasty, that's probably just propaganda made by the new dynasty to discredit his rule. Fairly common practice, really.
>>281038
this is incredibly autistic
>>286251
I will never understand how the Irish think themselves as good as highlanders.
Highlanders are truly god tier Brits. Lowlanders and the English are weird, but not nearly as bad as the Irish.
>>286263
>Scotland
Who invited them
>>286527
>implying a slave's only possible existence was as a gladiator
The typical Roman slave was a household retainer or a municipal laborer. If a guy was a baker before enslavement, he would likely stay one for his master. Romans were hedonists, and having a dude who makes you fresh bread for free had more attraction than yet another trash gladiator who probably wouldn't be fun to watch.
>>285921
THANK YOV BASED JVPITER
>>285646
Explain
>>281169
Do you have the template?
>>286263
>>280514
battle of the chains
Most of the Persians who were not chained
managed to escape, but those who were chain-linked found their chains a death trap. Unable to
move fast, they fell an easy prey to the victorious Muslims and were slain in thousands before
darkness set in to put an end to the slaughter. Qubaz and Anushjan managed to escape and
succeeded in extricating a large portion of the army from the battlefield.
For the first time the Persians found it necessary to revise their opinions about the Arabs. It was
clear that there was something about Islam which had turned this backward, disorganised and
unruly race into a powerful, closely-knit and disciplined force of conquest.
battle of blood river
Then Khalid raised his hands in
supplication and prayed to Allah:
"O Lord! If You give us victory, I shall see that
no enemy warrior is left alive until their river runs with
their blood!" Every vanquished warrior who fell into the victors' hands was
decapitated. Khalid was keeping his pledge! Not till sometime on the third day was the last man
killed.
Once the killing had stopped, a group of officers gathered around Khalid on the river bank. They
looked upon a messy sight. Qaqa turned to Khalid and said, "If you kill all the people of the earth
their blood will not flow as long as this river is dammed. The earth will not absorb all the blood. Let
the water run in the river. Thus you shall keep your pledge." 2
Others added, "We have heard that when the earth absorbs some of the blood of the sons of
Adam, it refuses to accept more." 3
Khalid ordered that the dam be opened. As it was opened the water rushed over the bed of the
river and the blood lying in pools on the bed flowed with the water. This river then became known
as the River of Blood.
stay mad Persian(p.s ur not white)
>>286643
The Kriegsmarine.
>>286853
there's no joke though
>>286877
No it doesn't.
>>280228
For something trying to bash white people, it sure is Eurocentric in its assessment of history
>>280228
Where is evidence for 1-4 tho?
And why does 10-29 except for one mention white people? Looks like those guys fucking dominated history.
>>286217
Where the fuck do you live lol, Tibet?
>>286917
Well Indus people were indeed pretty rad, although I don't think they ever interacted with "white people"
And Native Americans were pretty advanced if you included Central and South America
>Let everyone one in love come and see. I want to break Venus’ ribs with clubs and cripple the goddess’ loins. If she can strike through my soft chest, then why can’t I smash her head with a club?
This man had relationship troubles so bad that he threatened the goddess of love.
>Epaphra, you are bald!
>Epaphra is not good at ball games.
People just didn't like Epaphra
>>283092
>>haha yeah stabbin babbys!
>>aww yiss gonna rape ya gonna get mah prize charrrles
>>a toast
What.
>>280154
>VIII.2 (in the basilica); 1864: Samius to Cornelius: go hang yourself!
>Romans shitposting 'kill yourself' thousands of years before 4chan was created
>>287059
>carving it into the wall while actually taking a shit
>Romans literally invented shitposting
>>284897
thanks mr skeltal
>>285145
Public toilets, still doesn't poo in loo
>>285921
THANK YOU BASED JUPITER
>>283085
>>286998
Stacking stone triangles and human sacrifice isnt that advanced.
>>282370
Found the Albanian
>>287549
The Inca did ok
>>285602
Has anyone ever been so wrong? Is this literally the wrongest article in history?
>>288102
Well there's this, but I'm not sure it counts.
