ITT: High quality historical banter.
![Dymitr_Wiśniowiecki_Bajda_1[1].png](https://i.imgur.com/vjwJJtD.png "Dymitr_Wiśniowiecki_Bajda_1[1].png")
>>27904
I.e. Zaporozhian Cossacks: The Thread?
A saying goes that Vyshnevetsky after being tortured was thrown out of a high tower yet got his rib stuck on the hook from a wall (or he got hanged by the rib on the hook on purpose). He lived for three days after that, constantly loudly swearing at Turks and their faith. In the end someone got so offended at his sacrilege, he got shot dead from a bow.
>>27904
>"America is the only nation in history which miraculously has gone directly from barbarism to degeneration without the usual interval of civilization."
Tito to Stalin:
>"Stop sending people to kill me. We've already captured five of them, one of them with a bomb and another with a rifle. If you don't stop sending killers, I'll send one to Moscow, and I won't have to send a second."
Absolutely based.
>>27904
the letter for the one that don't know based cossacks
>>27904
>British Officer to Ca^tain Surcouf, a French Corsair: "You French fight for money, while we British fight for Honour"
>Robert Surcouf: "Sir, a man fights for what he lacks most."
>>29578
>>29674
Holy shit, is this real?
>>29711
The text is real in a sense that that's what got spread in a hearsay.
As for the letter itself, nobody actually knows. I doubt it but it's attributed to Ukrainian folk hero Ivan Sirko who was famous for his bravery bordering with idiocy even among the cossacks, so it could have happened.
>>29704
Wait, how?
>>27904
Ugly woman: "Sir Winston, I believe you a drunk."
Churchill: "You are quite right Madam but in the morning I shall be sober and you will still be ugly."
Other woman: "Mr. Churchill if you were my husband I'd poison your tea."
Churchill: "If I were your husband I'd drink it."
After hearing about Hitler's betrayal of the Soviet-Nazi Non-Aggression pact: "If Hitler invaded hell I would at least say a good word for the devil in the House of Commons."
>>29821
Thick fog.
>>29632
Yugoslavs either worship or hate this guy with a passion. Very interesting character.
>>29821
the weather, that "battle" took place in the Aleutian Islands off the coast of Alaska.
>>29674
>tfw you'll never have a group of friends as based as the zaporizhian host
why live
>>29821
Friendly fire because Canada and the US actually hate each other
>>29821
Booby traps, sea mines, general fuckups. And extremely faulty intelligence by the US
>>29904
>Ghandi
>Civilised
Let's not get into that though.
>>27904
Those motherfuckers are smooth af. Didint know about the letter.
>>29704
>(not present in area)
Every single time
>>27904
>>29928
Gandhi wrote a shitton about civilization and what it means, it was one of the central themes in lots of his work
The guy was exactly as "civilized" (by Western standards) as he intended to be.
>>29904
You know what else Gandhi thought was a good idea? Making very young girls sleep naked in bed in him while he was also naked, among them his own grand nieces.
>>29821
The Japanese had withdrawn months ago.
The Americans and Canadians staged independent landings, at night, on an Alaskan island.
>>30063
Well what do you know, most historical figures had extremely bizarre sexual fetishes. Hitler used to get his niece to piss on him before fucking her. Welcome to history.
>>29904
didn't he study in england?
what a smug looking cunt
>>30106
>Hitler used to get his niece to piss on him before fucking her
Eeeh source on that please
After Khosrau I sacked Antioch he took the prisoners and put them in a new fity outside Ctesiphon. The name of the city translated to "better than Constantine, Khosrau built this".
>>30175
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/books/11165627/Adolf-Hitler-sex-life-Eva-Braun.html
https://www.nytimes.com/books/99/10/03/reviews/991003.03louriet.html
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/British_nuclear_tests_at_Maralinga
>test nukes in the outback
>forget to tell abos they cause cancer
Classic banter
>>29844
>held shit together
>fucked people over who tried to break it up
Kind of like dictators like assad and hussein. Sure they are dictators that do questionable shit but they do keep peace well enough to make people somewhat safe.
>>30209
Wait, I think the second link is a fiction book. Disregard that one.
>>27904
When Napoleon told the Pope he intended to destroy the Catholic Church the Pope replied "Oh you silly little man, you're trying to do what 18 centuries of priests and bishops have failed to do."
>>30053
you should read about Gandhi's advice to the Jews living under Nazi occupation.
>>29632
Was he Serbian or Croatian ?
>>30219
Brits did good colonial banter. I seem to remember a few stories of them basically irritating locals so much they attack, then annihilating them and saying "they started it"
>>30317
Slovenian, actually.
>>30317
Croatian(just like tesla btw desu)
>>29844
Geezers here love the shit out of him (except for a few ultra nationalists) but young people hate him.
>>30317
Slovenian and Croatian wasn't he?
>>30019
>americans
>not english
>>29561
Why was he anti-American?
>>30526
What's that Raj, I can't hear you over the sound of a working toilet.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GpvtxQmHudo&list=WL&index=93
"We have had the whole pathetic stupidity of mankind against us -- their every notion of what the truth ought to be, of what the service of the truth ought to be -- their every "thou shalt" was launched against us. . . . Our objectives, our methods, our quiet, cautious, distrustful manner -- all appeared to them as absolutely discreditable and contemptible. -- Looking back, one may almost ask one's self with reason if it was not actually an aesthetic sense that kept men blind so long: what they demanded of the truth was picturesque effectiveness, and of the learned a strong appeal to their senses. It was our modesty that stood out longest against their taste...How well they guessed that, these turkey-cocks of God!"
Christfags got roasted by Nietzsche so bad they're still salty more than a century later
>>30530
I don't think he really was, he just was the moody/harsh type of man. His nickname was "the tiger"
>>30573
go watch the amazing atheist give himself a banana enema you rancid swine
>>27904
Banter never changes.
>>30437
>Straya
It's like the emus all over again
>>30572
Oh damn, you triggered af. Have some more based Gandhi to calm you down.
>>30674
then you shit on the streets, I presume?
>>30719
Yes, but in your streets. I live in the West ;^)
Holy SHIT you guys got so mad at India you're starting to post off-topic images.
>>30619
I get the distinct impression from this that it's writer really wanted to remove kebab.
>>30781
I know, a lot of projection from a "civilised' people. I guess Gandhi was right.
>>30619
>Fashion
>French
kek tbqh
>>30619
it's funny that the characteristics of the German are the opposite of today's stereotypes
>>30809
Anon, truly you are the winner of this bant-off.
>>30798
*its writer
>>30674
While I do not hate on India Gandhi was nothing sort of a monster.
"Hitler killed five million Jews. It is the greatest crime of our time. But the Jews should have offered themselves to the butcher's knife. They should have thrown themselves into the sea from cliffs."
>should have offered themselves to the butcher's knife
>>30619
>reigned by doesn't matter
kek
>>30619
>Russians
>They love: beating people
>Englishmen
>Fashion: French
>Turks
>Typical diseases: impotence
>They love: themselves
top kek
>>30841
That's taken out of context. He said this at the end "..It would have aroused the world and the people of Germany. As it is they succumbed anyway in their millions."
It was a weird way of looking at things and I don't agree with it. He thought collective suicide would have somehow been a display of heroism and defiance.
>>30809
>Not liking people who shit on their own streets is uncivilised
>>29674
>the crick in our dick
EVERY SINGLE TIME
>"War is inevitable, and this time, it will be truly world wide. It will unravel everywhere and there will be no limit to its battlefields. The condemnations of Nuremberg will be one of the main reasons, which will cause this war to be a conflict whose horror will be unparalleled. These condemnations gave birth, in fact, to a new conception which makes the victor a hero and the vanquished an odious criminal. By this fact, each leader will wage war like a demon in order not to be the loser and become, consequently, a criminal. All the atrocities that can be imagined by man, will be committed during this next war, in order to prevent the enemy from acquiring victory.
>What I have just said, I have repeated to the American representatives and I have warned them that all of the mothers of the entire world will one day curse America." -Otto Skorzeny
>>30888
>going off on a mouth-breating tangent in response to a witty historical remark is normal
I may be "uncivilised" but at least I'm not overly sensitive like you. You're not taking this well m8.
>>27904
>When Plato gave Socrates's definition of man as "featherless bipeds" and was much praised for the definition, Diogenes plucked a chicken and brought it into Plato's Academy, saying, "Behold! I've brought you a man." After this incident, "with broad flat nails" was added to Plato's definition.
>>30940
>These condemnations gave birth, in fact, to a new conception which makes the victor a hero and the vanquished an odious criminal. By this fact, each leader will wage war like a demon in order not to be the loser and become, consequently, a criminal. All the atrocities that can be imagined by man, will be committed during this next war, in order to prevent the enemy from acquiring victory.
he wasn't wrong...was there any participant of WW2 that DIDN'T commit war crimes?
>>30942
There is a difference between being overly sensitive and thinking it's disgusting that people shit on their own streets, also you got these kind of responses because Gandhi said that western people aren't civilised enough while Indians can't even use toilets properly
>>30988
everything the guy did was pure genius.
Like when he used a lamp during the day. Or when alexander the great came to him
>>30619
I have a feeling who ever wrote this really didn't like the Hungarians.
Fritz Darge, Hitler's personal SS Adjuntant... it didn't last long though.
>On 18 July 1944, during a strategy conference in the Wolfsschanze, a fly began buzzing around the room, allegedly landing on Hitler's shoulder and on the surface of a map several times. Irritated, Hitler ordered Darges to dispatch the nuisance. Darges suggested that, as it was an airborne pest, the job should go to the Luftwaffe adjutant, Nicolaus von Below. Hitler took Darges aside, dismissed him on the spot and had him transferred to the Eastern Front.
>>30886
Offering themselves up was exactly what most of them did, Warsaw Ghetto Uprising notwithstanding. Gandhi called Hitler his friend, thought mass suicide was a good strategy to combat genocide, and destroyed the best government India had in it's whole history.
>>30940
Maybe germans shouldnt have declared war on america? Pretty hypocritical to paint the US as the country everyone will hate when you dragged the US into it in the first place
>>31040
Face it whiteboi, you're uncivilised. I can tell because on quote is really exposing your insecurities.
>>31088
*one quote
>>31063
Nah, they didn't get it nearly as bad as the t*rks.
>>31064
looks like hitler couldnt handle the banter
Süleyman Nazif (a writer) and Enver Paşa's father are kept as prisoners in Malta for the famous tribunals.
>(süleyman nazif to enver's father): Sir, why don't we marry you to an English girl?
>why's that?
>well, you married a Türk and your son destroyed our empire, so that your English son may destroy the English empire
>>30988
>When Diogenes was asked by a young man how to deal with lust he began masturbating. After he finished he remarked "I wish it were as easy to satisfy hunger by rubbing one's stomach"
>>31075
Yeah, I'm not really a fan of Gandhi either. He's idolised more by foolish westerners than actual Indians.
He just had some good quotes which you can use to bait retards on a place like this.
>>31088
Like I already said, I'm not even white, I just think Indians are disgusting
>>30209
holy shit what a sick fuck. Although this isn't really absolute proof it is an interesting read. Thanks for providing sauce.
Why don't stormfags ever bring this up when discussing degeneracy, I wonder?
>>31158
What is your race, then?
>>31081
Yes, Germany declared war on America, and that's not the point of the quote. It was Roosevelt who started wheeling and dealing out the concept of war crime. He changed the nature of warfare by turning war from ideological conflicts into a moral struggle of good vs evil. It wasn't just the top Nazis being charged after the war. Skorzeny himself was charged with a crime that he adapted from British commando usage.
>>31176
I belong to a race of people who don't shit on their streets and mass-rape children, that's as far as I'm gonna go
>>31214
So you're Indian?
General Philip Leclerc, the French divisional commander who had served under the Americans, was presented with a defiant group of 11-12 captured Charlemagne Division men.The Free French General immediately asked them why they wore a German uniform, to which one of them replied by asking the General why he wore an American one (the Free French wore modified US army uniforms). The group of French Waffen-SS men was later executed without any form of military tribunal procedure.
>>31233
>Indians don't shit on their streets or rape children
good one senpai
>>27904
I will never understand why people idolize a bunch of criminal bandits who raided, raped and murdered the poor serfs as they would any merchant.
>>30988
Truly an absolute madman
>>31109
>Nah, they didn't get it nearly as bad as the t*rks.
Well who on earth would ever like the Turks?
>>27904
Charles De Gaulle on his own country
"How is possible to govern a nation that produces 300 varieties of chesse?"
>>31043
>It was in Corinth that a meeting between Alexander the Great and Diogenes is supposed to have taken place. The accounts of Plutarch and Diogenes Laërtius recount that they exchanged only a few words: while Diogenes was relaxing in the sunlight in the morning, Alexander, thrilled to meet the famous philosopher, asked if there was any favour he might do for him. Diogenes replied, "Yes, stand out of my sunlight". Alexander then declared, "If I were not Alexander, then I should wish to be Diogenes." In another account of the conversation, Alexander found the philosopher looking attentively at a pile of human bones. Diogenes explained, "I am searching for the bones of your father but cannot distinguish them from those of a slave."
>>31260
>South Indians
>Indian
kek
>>30396
stop triggering me
Dietrich von Saucken (aka Artillery face)
>A cavalry officer who regularly wore both a sword and a monocle, Saucken personified the archetypal aristocratic Prussian conservative who despised the braune Bande ("brown mob") of Nazis. When he was ordered to take command of the Second Army on 12 March 1945, he came to Hitler's headquarters with his left hand resting casually on his cavalry sabre, his monocle in his eye, saluted and gave a slight bow. This was three 'outrages' at once. He had not given the Nazi salute with raised arm and the words 'Heil Hitler', as had been regulation since 20 July 1944, he had not surrendered his weapon on entering....and had kept his monocle in his eye when saluting Hitler.
>When Hitler told him that he must take his orders from Albert Forster, the Gauleiter of Danzig, Saucken returned Hitler's gaze, and striking the marble slab of the map table with the flat of his hand, he replied 'I have no intention, Herr Hitler, of placing myself under the orders of a Gauleiter'. In doing this he had bluntly contradicted Hitler and not addressed him as Mein Führer.
>To the surprise of everyone who was present, Hitler capitulated and replied "All right, Saucken, keep the command yourself." Hitler dismissed the General without shaking his hand and Saucken left the room with only the merest hint of a bow.
>>27904
Diogenes of Sinope to a prostitute's son, who was randomly throwing stones to a crowd :
>"Be careful, you're gonna hit your father."
>>30505
to be fair I expect similar results from New York, LA and London street food
>>27904
A little something to trigger /pol/tards
When Disraeli was being harassed in the House of Commons about his Jewish origins by one of the Irish MPs he replied "It is true I am a Jew and when the ancestors of the right honourable gentleman were brutal savages in an unknown land mine were priests in the temple of Solomon."
>>31273
The polish nobility were massive turkaboos IIRC.
>>31308
Diogenes was the fucking king
>>30827
Germans were for a long time considered lazy drunkards that couldn't do an honest day's work. It wasn't really until the two World Wars that the image of the efficient hardworking German that hates fun came about.
>>31292
>Alexander then declared, "If I were not Alexander, then I should wish to be Diogenes."
apparently diogenes replied that if he werent diogenes he would wish he were diogenes
>During his captivity, Gerd von Rundstedt was reportedly asked by Soviet interrogators which battle he regarded as most decisive in the war.
>They expected him to say “Stalingrad”,
>Gerd von Rundstedt replied “The Battle of Britain”.
>Annoyed, the Soviet interrogators “put away their notebooks and left in a rage.”
>>29826
Upon being told that the Lord Privy Seal was requesting a meeting (while using the toilet:) "Tell the Lord Privy Seal that I am currently sealed in the privy, and I can only deal with one shit at a time."
>>31390
He was right
>>31355
This motherfucker was literally the first insane hobo living out of a box on the street in history. What a glorious bastard.
Triboulet was the jester of king Francis I of France and one dared to slap the monarch on the bum, the king lost it and threatened to execute him.
Finally Francis calmed down and promised to forgive him if he could think of an apology more insulting than what he did.
The jester replied :
>"I'm sorry your majesty, I didn't recognize you, I mistook you for the Queen"
He once came to the monarch complaining that a noble has threatened him to hang him.
>"Don't worry if he hangs you I'll have him beheaded 15 minutes later."
>"Well, would it be possible to behead him 15 minutes before?"
Later he finally disobeyed the king and was sentenced to death, but since he served well the king let him choose the way he would die :
>"Sir, I wish to die from old age"
>>31214
Go back a little.
Everybody's ancestors shat in the street at some point.
>>31757
Sure, but not everyone kept doing it. Or used their hands to wipe their asses. Without fucking washing them.
>>31757
Yeah but they eventually stopped doing it
>>31854
Funnily enough finally getting modern plumbing working was a huge part of the recent Indian election, wasn't it?
>"The grim fact is that we prepare for war like precocious giants, and for peace like retarded pygmies."
>>31601
He was too good for the world..
>Parmenion suggested to him after the Battle of Issus that he should accept Darius III of Persia's offer of an alliance, the hand of his daughter in marriage, and all Minor Asia, saying "If I were Alexander, I would accept the terms.", to which Alexander replied "So would I, if I were Parmenion."
>"Preventive war is like committing suicide for fear of death. "
>"Europe today is a powder keg and the leaders are like men smoking in an arsenal. A single spark will set off an explosion that will consume us all. I cannot tell you when that explosion will occur, but I can tell you where. Some damned foolish thing in the Balkans will set it off."
>Zaporozhian Cossacks to the Turkish Sultan!
O sultan, Turkish devil and damned devil's kith and kin, secretary to Lucifer himself. What the devil kind of knight are you, that can't slay a hedgehog with your naked arse? The devil excretes, and your army eats. You will not, you son of a bitch, make subjects of Christian sons; we've no fear of your army, by land and by sea we will battle with thee, fuck your mother.
You Babylonian scullion, Macedonian wheelwright, brewer of Jerusalem, goat-fucker of Alexandria, swineherd of Greater and Lesser Egypt, pig of Armenia, Podolian thief, catamite of Tartary, hangman of Kamyanets, and fool of all the world and underworld, an idiot before God, grandson of the Serpent, and the crick in our dick. Pig's snout, mare's arse, slaughterhouse cur, unchristened brow, screw your own mother!
So the Zaporozhians declare, you lowlife. You won't even be herding pigs for the Christians. Now we'll conclude, for we don't know the date and don't own a calendar; the moon's in the sky, the year with the Lord, the day's the same over here as it is over there; for this kiss our arse!
>>32191
Of course, most likely the Cossacks never actually wrote that. It was most likely just some salty tirade that later generations attributed to them.
>>29578
>Decisive Dutch victory
During the occupation of Paris by the Allies, Prussian General Blücher wanted to destroy the Pont d'Iéna, which was named after a French victorious battle against Prussia. The Prefect of Paris tried everything to change the mind of Blücher, without success, and finally went to Talleyrand asking him whether he could write a letter to the General asking him not to destroy the bridge. Talleyrand instead wrote to Tsar Alexander, who was in person in Paris, asking him to grant to the people of Paris the favour of inaugurating himself the bridge under a new name (Pont de l'École militaire). The Tsar accepted, and Blücher could not then destroy a bridge inaugurated by an Ally. The name of the bridge was reverted to its original name under Louis-Philippe.
Smug frog is smug
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reply_of_the_Zaporozhian_Cossacks
>"Sultan Mehmed IV to the Zaporozhian Cossacks:
As the Sultan; son of Muhammad; brother of the sun and moon; grandson and viceroy of God; ruler of the kingdoms of Macedonia, Babylon, Jerusalem, Upper and Lower Egypt; emperor of emperors; sovereign of sovereigns; extraordinary knight, never defeated; steadfast guardian of the tomb of Jesus Christ; trustee chosen by God Himself; the hope and comfort of Muslims; confounder and great defender of Christians - I command you, the Zaporogian Cossacks, to submit to me voluntarily and without any resistance, and to desist from troubling me with your attacks.
--Turkish Sultan Mehmed IV"
and the Russians replied:
>"Zaporozhian Cossacks to the Turkish Sultan!
O sultan, Turkish devil and damned devil's kith and kin, secretary to Lucifer himself. What the devil kind of knight are you, that can't slay a hedgehog with your naked arse? The devil excretes, and your army eats. You will not, you son of a bitch, make subjects of Christian sons; we've no fear of your army, by land and by sea we will battle with thee, fuck your mother.
You Babylonian scullion, Macedonian wheelwright, brewer of Jerusalem, goat-fucker of Alexandria, swineherd of Greater and Lesser Egypt, pig of Armenia, Podolian thief, catamite of Tartary, hangman of Kamyanets, and fool of all the world and underworld, an idiot before God, grandson of the Serpent, and the crick in our dick. Pig's snout, mare's arse, slaughterhouse cur, unchristened brow, screw your own mother!
So the Zaporozhians declare, you lowlife. You won't even be herding pigs for the Christians. Now we'll conclude, for we don't know the date and don't own a calendar; the moon's in the sky, the year with the Lord, the day's the same over here as it is over there; for this kiss our arse!
- Koshovyi Otaman Ivan Sirko, with the whole Zaporozhian Host."
>goat-fuckers
>>30209
That was a great read. Thanks anon
>If we had a military division with the bullet-carrying capacity of these birds it would face any army in the world... They can face machine guns with the invulnerability of tanks. They are like Zulus whom even dum-dum bullets could not stop.
>>31304
Absolutely based
>>30940
>german "banter
>>32418
Well they are dinosaurs.
At least it wasn't the cassowary war.
>>32327
>Blücher wanted to destroy the Pont d'Iéna, which was named after a French victorious battle against Prussia
There's sore losers, and then there's Prussian sore losers...
>>32451
With germans any serious discussion becomes a joke.
>One famous example comes from the time of the invasion of Philip II of Macedon. With key Greek city-states in submission, he turned his attention to Sparta and sent a message: "You are advised to submit without further delay, for if I bring my army into your land, I will destroy your farms, slay your people, and raze your city, you will be destroyed and never to rise again" The Spartans sent back a one word reply: "If". Subsequently, both Philip and Alexander would avoid Sparta entirely.
>tfw you bantered so fucking hard it scared an army away
>>31331
Nope, they pretended to be Sarmatians, a loose union of Iranian-speaking peoples roaming what's now part of Ukraine.
>>32536
That too, but they also adopted many Turkish customs.
>>30619
>Russian
>Mind
>non-existant
FUCKING TOP TIER BANTER
>>32431
For being an aristocratic snobbish dick whose loyality is nonexistant?
>>30317
he was yugoslavian
>>30317
yugoslav
>>32508
pretty brutal
>>31064
He probably died on the eastern front.
>>32558
I can't think of any exclusively Turkish ones, most of their customs was just copying various nomads roaming steppes way before Turks. That includes the hairdo szlachta and cossacks loved: it's way older than Turks or even Mongols since Svyatoslav I's description had him wearing one.
I mean, guess you could say they adopted some Turkic peoples' traditions too but not Turkish proper.
>>30619
>Russia
>Fashion: Furry
>>32640
Darge survived, made a career out of selling cars and died in 2009. Shortly before he died he said "I served Him and would do it all again now."
>>32268
>Salty tirade to Ottomans by Zaporozhians, of all people
Nigger they burned Istanbul harbor twice. It's the Ottomans who should be pissed here.
>>30209
>In discussing his new novel, Martin Amis imagines that Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun had sex fully clothed. The truth couldn't have been more different, says writer Jane Thynne
>Imagines
>Based on claims from Otto Strasser, one of Hitler’s opponents in the Party, it alleged that the dictator forced his niece Geli to urinate and defecate on him
>Opponent
Seems like they just want to shit in Adolf's history with no regards for the truth,using a phrase to come up with the most absurd shit and so on,good read,but I woulnd't use any of this as a source
>>32418
>doesn't have the one with Dignity on the casualities
>>32745
Yeah, Otto Strasser had a serious hard on hatred for Hitler after the Night of the Long Knives and the execution of his brother and the smothering of what Hitler perceived as a weaker variant of National Socialism among the North Germans. Strasser just loved to paint Hitler as a fucking lunatic, no matter how absurd it was.
>>32589
Hitler's usual reply to sass was a lot more...megalomaniacal. Like when he sent his SS adjunct to the Russian front for not swatting a fly.
>>30573
Nietzsche also predicted that post-christian atheist values which stem from chirstianity itself will be even more destructive to the western civilisation.
He was right.
>>32724
"I don't want no pardon, for anything I've done"
Chesty Puller had some pretty funny moments in the midst of the Pacific War, the Marines have a history of banter that persists to this day
>>30619
Obviously written by an Austrian with all the wanking over Spain and Germany and hating Hungary and Turkey.
![935CBB26-5AD5-4170-9540-15A5655A167A_w640_s[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/WRMGfNT.jpg "935CBB26-5AD5-4170-9540-15A5655A167A_w640_s[1].jpg")
Does that count? :^)
>>33020
>the Marines have a history of banter that persists to this day
Could you provide some backstory
I fucking love the Pacific war so god damn much
>Japanese fighting in heavily defended positions
>Still have way bigger casualty numbers
>>33093
What is this
>>33163
Based on the ancient inscriptions, I believe it might be Immanuel Kant's grave.
>>33199
Yes I know that
What I want to know is what do the moonrunes say
>>33236
Russian soldiers desecrating is, essentially. The one framed is "Have you ever thought that Russian Ivan will stand on your remains?"
>>33163
Kants grave wtih Russian writing over it.
What i can translate "Did you ever think that the Russian Ivan would be standing on your doorstep"
>>33107
Marines hold their history with high regards, they fought in some of the most brutal conditions in the Pacific War and still manage to make it out on top, a dark sense of humor from the highest rank to the rifleman helps get through the terrible campaigns to take out the Japanese and secure the islands.
In the heat of the Guadalcanal Campaign, Robert Leckie recalls standing in lin for chow which consisted of rice, rice and eggs with no eggs, pork and rice with no pork, and more rice. When the marines found maggots writhing in the rice they'd just tell each other to "think of it as meat"
>>33340
You don't even know the half of it.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kalthof_Church
>Damaged during the Battle of Königsberg, the church's ruins were demolished by the Soviet Union in the 1980s
>Celts
>>31966
I actually felt embarrassed reading the second one
>>33451
I understand why Germans don't want it back
Almost all historical buildings are in ruins,many were destroyed,commie blocks and shit everywhere,German community almost non-existant.
And worst of all,its full of Russians.
>>31589
No way. British dont actually believe this nationalistic propaganda do they?
>>32475
french were worse sore losers than the prussians though. they tried to destroy the victory column
>>32338
neat only the third time thats been posted this thread. have you considered reading the thread before you post stupid shit?
>>33539
I'm a Brit and I don't, a lot of people definitely do though
>>31966
>the cruisers Aurora and Dmitriy Donskoy are misidentified as Japanese
>the battleship Borodino reports being boarded by Japanese forces
>ON THE FUCKING DOGGER BANK
>>33571
Never heard of that, but Hitler literally had the train carriage in which the armistice of WW1 was signed found and destroyed, and completely razed the WW1 monument at Compiegne to the ground.
Germans are still butthurt even when they win, have you seen the inscriptions on the Hermannsdenkmal?
>>33528
Hey, they did restore Dresden, of all places. When I've been there (and it was around 2004-2005, I think), some buildings were still being rebuilt.
Once, two ambassadors from the Sultan came with a message for Vlad. When they entered his throne room, he asked them to remove their turbans. It was considered rude to address the prince without taking off one's hat. The Turks, however, took exception to this request. For one thing, Vlad and the Sultan where not on good terms, so insulting him really didn't seem to matter, and just as importantly, the turbans were not just headgear, they were a symbol of the Muslim religion. The Turks refused, not knowing just how serious a mistake it was to insult Vlad. Vlad immediately ordered his guards to seize them, and then stated that if they were so unwilling to part with the turbans, that they should be nailed to their heads. Vlad then watched in satisfaction as the Turks writhed and screamed as nails were driven into their skulls. The envoys were sent back to the sultan.
>>33645
>have you seen the inscriptions on the Hermannsdenkmal?
no I'll look them up. but the french wanted to fuck up berlin pretty bad and the brits posted troops at all the monuments just so the french couldnt destroy them. frenchies stole all the artwork on the column though and didnt return it until some thousand year anniversary of something a few years ago. some of the art is still "lost" though
>>30619
This HAS to be Austrian, doesn't it?
>>33652
Allies should have won in the west,but Soviet victory on the east was gods greatest mistake.
>>33652
Of course they did. Dresden was still German after the war. It wasn't ethnically cleansed and filled with slavs (for the most part)
>>33704
that's not banter, Vlad is just being a dick there
>>33760
Places like Sudety or Eastern Slavonia were cleansed just fine at one point, though, and Russians are actually pretty cowardly when it comes to being told to fuck off with adequate force.
I think the bigger problem is Poland since it would most certainly remember all that "Gib Danzig or I war u" shit.
>>31007
His point wasn't that no side waged war crimes, it's that one side used the war crimes as a post- & ad-hoc justification for the war while completely absolving themselves of any wrongdoings, thus bringing back the specter of the "Just and Holy War" from medieval times.
Because of this he predicts that future wars will be total in the sense that the leaders of either side know that they'll be held 'accountable' (and thus executed) if they lose, so they will refuse to surrender no matter the cost, and drive their own country to ruin without a thought of surrender. A current example could be Al-Assad in Syria.
>>33721
What a load of crap. Do you have any source on that?
Destroying art is totally abhorrent to the French mind. Unlike Germans who did that shit routinely without any military reason, for example burning down a university in Belgium that contained 30 000 medieval manuscripts, or dynamiting the castle of Coucy in France which was the most imposing medieval castle in Europe.
>>33994
They did that shit in WW1 btw, not under Nazis.
Letters between Pope Innocent IV and Ogedei Khan in 1245
http://resources.saylor.org/HIST/HIST102/HIST102-5.4.2-CorrespondenceBetweenRomanPopeAndMongolGreatKhan-PD.htm
Part of Mongol reply:
>Thanks to the power of the Eternal Heaven, all lands have been given to us from sunrise to sunset. How could anyone act other than in accordance with the commands of Heaven? Now your own upright heart must tell you: "We will become subject to you, and will place our powers at your disposal." You in person, at the head of the monarchs, all of you, without exception, must come to tender us service and pay us homage; then only will we recognize your submission. But if you do not obey the commands of Heaven, and run counter to our orders, we shall know that you are our foe.
>That is what we have to tell you. If you fail to act in accordance therewith, how can we forsee what will happen to you? Heaven alone knows.
>>33841
>His point wasn't that no side waged war crimes, it's that one side used the war crimes as a post- & ad-hoc justification for the war
that's what I said
![480px-James_Mattis[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/iRI2ydO.jpg "480px-James_Mattis[1].jpg")
General Mattis is a modern day banterlord
>You go into Afghanistan, you got guys who slap women around for five years because they didn't wear a veil. You know, guys like that ain't got no manhood left anyway. So it's a hell of a lot of fun to shoot them. Actually it's quite fun to fight them, you know. It's a hell of a hoot. It's fun to shoot some people. I'll be right up there with you. I like brawling. - Panel discussion in San Diego, California (1 February 2005)
>I come in peace. I didn’t bring artillery. But I’m pleading with you, with tears in my eyes: If you fuck with me, I’ll kill you all. - Message to Iraqi tribal leaders,
>That said, there are some assholes in the world that just need to be shot. There are hunters and there are victims. By your discipline, cunning, obedience and alertness, you will decide if you are a hunter or a victim. It’s really a hell of a lot of fun. You’re gonna have a blast out here! - Addressing a group of Marines before the invasion of Iraq
>>30619
>English fashion: French
spot on
>>33994
well i wrote out a long response but the mods are being giant faggots and banned me and i lost my response.
Tl:dr they stole the relief work and returned most of it in 1987 but lost some of them. They wanted to destroy the column and Britain wouldn't let them. Look it up yourself if you don't believe me
>On the way across the Aegean Sea, Julius Caesar was kidnapped by pirates and held prisoner. He maintained an attitude of superiority throughout his captivity. When the pirates thought to demand a ransom of 20 talents of silver, he insisted they ask for 50.
>He held them in such disdain that whenever he lay down to sleep he would send and order them to stop talking. For eight and thirty days, as if the men were not his watchers, but his royal body-guard, he shared in their sports and exercises with great unconcern. He also wrote poems and sundry speeches which he read aloud to them, and those who did not admire these he would call to their faces illiterate Barbarians, and often laughingly threatened to hang them all.
>After the ransom was paid, Caesar raised a fleet, pursued and captured the pirates, and imprisoned them. He had them crucified on his own authority, as he had promised while in captivity—a promise the pirates had taken as a joke.
>>34213
I didn't find anything on France wanting to destroy any monuments or art, or anything being lost.
Apparently they just took the four reliefs that were on the base of the victory column and kept them at the military museum in Paris, then in 1987 they returned all four of them and restored the column themselves.
when Caeser got kidnapped by pirates
>First, when the pirates demanded a ransom of twenty talents, Caesar burst out laughing. They did not know, he said, who it was that they had captured, and he volunteered to pay fifty. Then, when he had sent his followers to the various cities in order to raise the money and was left with one friend and two servants among these Cilicians, about the most bloodthirsty people in the world, he treated them so highhandedly that, whenever he wanted to sleep, he would send to them and tell them to stop talking.
>For thirty-eight days, with the greatest unconcern, he joined in all their games and exercises, just as if he was their leader instead of their prisoner. He also wrote poems and speeches which he read aloud to them, and if they failed to admire his work, he would call them to their faces illiterate savages, and would often laughingly threaten to have them all hanged. They were much taken with this and attributed his freedom of speech to a kind of simplicity in his character or boyish playfulness.
>However, the ransom arrived from Miletus and, as soon as he had paid it and been set free, he immediately manned some ships and set sail from the harbor of Miletus against the pirates. He found them still there, lying at anchor off the island, and he captured nearly all of them. He took their property as spoils of war and put the men themselves into the prison at Pergamon. He then went in person to [Marcus] Junius, the governorof Asia, thinking it proper that he, as praetor in charge of the province, should see to the punishment of the prisoners. Junius, however, cast longing eyes at the money, which came to a considerable sum, and kept saying that he needed time to look into the case.
>Caesar paid no further attention to him. He went to Pergamon, took the pirates out of prison and crucified the lot of them, just as he had often told them he would do when he was on the island and they imagined that he was joking.
>>34623
literally beat me by a minute anon
by far my favorite banter of all
>>34088
>there is only one retirement plan for terrorists
>>34088
Got a story about Mad Dog Mattis that I was told by a combat instructor from my MCT days.
>be sergeant
>tanker during the invasion of Iraq
>inb4 babykillers
>Republican Guard posted up in houses and apartments across a concrete river like the one in LA
>Tanks and Amtracs show up, wait for the go ahead to pummel the buildings
>Sergeant is in the gunner spot in his tank when he hears "Chaos is on deck" over the radio
>Looks around and sees none other than Mad Dog Mattis talking (yelling) with his platoon commander
>Mattis goes to Sergeants tank and climbs it, he's now face to face with him
>"Say let me call the shots will ya?" Mattis says to Sergeant, not knowing what to do or say he hands over his comm helmet
>Sergeant grabs his spare and returns in his gunner position
>for the next hour or so Gen. Mattis is calling out shots for tankers and amtrackers
>literally riding the lightning as the main gun fires as he stands on the tank
>Sergeant said he looked to Gen. Mattis and sees him laughing like a madman as the tanks and amtracs obliterate the buildings
>all fire from the enemy has ceased, its safe to cross over now, bridge laying tank does its thing and the convoy pushes forward
>Gen. Mattis hands the comm helmet to sergeant, pats him on the shoulder and says "good job marine"
>goes back to his humvee and drives off, presumably to go tear ass all the way to Baghdad
You can believe me or not but I tell these stories so that they may live on, I had no reason to doubt that sergeant or his story.
>>34607
They returned parts of all 4 but i was there a month ago they're missing parts. And the frenchies tried to pull it down but they failed and the other countries made them stop
>>31270
Not to mention the shit he pulled on Socrates and Plato
>>30209
I've read several books about Hitler, this is regarded as false, and even if true there are no conclusive sources today.
He was a bit of a sadist though, and during his childhood he also slept in a barn with a boy his age while drinking beer. Somehow this hinted that he may have been gay, which is also why he didn't pay much attention to Eva Braun. She tried to kill herself several times because Hitler never gave a shit about her.
![Arthur_Wellesley,_1st_Duke_of_Wellington_by_Thomas_Lawrence[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/nwEHvSB.jpg "Arthur_Wellesley,_1st_Duke_of_Wellington_by_Thomas_Lawrence[1].jpg")
Louis XVIII invited him as guest of honour to a Ball in Paris. When Wellington arrived the Marshals of France whom he had so resoundingly beaten in previous campaigns turned their backs on him. A blushing Bourbon king apologised for their rudeness but the Great Duke just shrugged his shoulders and said " Tis of no matter your Highness, I have seen their backs before."
>>35155
Nice
Apply ice to burned areas
>>35155
savage
>>35155
BAM!
>>29578
barbarous dutch slaughter of a poor kettle
>>33107
>>Still have way bigger casualty numbers
I feel bad for the Japanese. Social pressures made them die rather than surrender and their officers were fucktarded who though banzai charges would actually work
>>35477
I don't think they necessarily believed it worked but they were so brainwashed that banzai attacks were a better alternative to aurrender
>>30063
what a LAD
>>35477
>Ok lads instead of going back to the maniland and help in training the new recruits lets just fucking charge a bunch of soldiers with full and semi-automatic weapons
>Pilots offing themselves in the most stupid ways instead of going back for helping in training
>Basically killing off veterans cuz muh honor
>bringing a sword to a gun fight
>Bayonets on support weapons
They fucking deserved it
Samuel Johnson ripping on Scotland
>Mr Ogilvie was unlucky enough to choose for the topick of his conversation the praises of his native country. [...] I suppose he thought himself perfectly safe; for he observed that Scotland had a great many noble wild prospects.
>Johnson: "I believe Sir, you have a great many. Norway, too, has noble wild prospects; and Lapland is remarkable for prodigious noble prospects. But, Sir, let me tell you, the noblest prospect which a Scotchman ever sees, is the high road that leads him to England!"
>>35571
>>Pilots offing themselves in the most stupid ways instead of going back for helping in training
Anon those planes weren't built for return flights
The context of this is the animosity between spanish writers Ramon Maria del Valle-Inclan and Jose Echegaray.
"They say that one day don Ramon was commenting on any subject in one of the literary circles of which he was a regular participant. At that moment he saw, with the corner of his eye, the son of Echegary approaching and without changing the pitch, as if it was part of wht he was saying he said:
>That don Jose is obsessed with spiteful husbands!, in all of his works there is a kekold!
To which the son of Echegarai, taking the bait spat:
>Shut up, you have no right to talk like that about the great Echegaray
>Who are you?
>His son.
>Are you sure?"
>>35571
>Pilots offing themselves in the most stupid ways instead of going back for helping in training
The potential rewards of a successful kamikaze run is worth dozens of new pilots, especially towards the end of the war when farmers were being plucked from rice fields to fly death traps.
Bleeding Kansas best day of my life. I want another great Kansan cull.
t. Missouri
>>30437
wait, did they just keep firing at each other and missing? haha i love zeppelins
>>35812
>train for 2 months
you mean get beat by your officers for two months and get shoved into a plane
>>31304
You ever just walk up to Hitler and slam your big bronze ones on the table in front of him?
>>35812
They were actually better pilots at first before the navy introduced the hellcat, which to this day has the highest k/d of any fighter
>>35924
But muh zero folded over a million times
>>32508
Was waiting for this one. Beautiful.
>>29561
Damn, Clemenceau bringing the heat.
>>31064
>herr darges vill you remove zat infernal insect
>mein fuhrer, perhaps it vould be a job better suited to oberst von below, since he is the luftwaffe adjutant and it is an airborne pest
>DAAARGEEESSSSS
>>32724
did he mean he'd be a nazi all again or that he'd banter hitler about flies until he was fired all again. truly a mystery we will never know
>>32508
The Persian one was great too.
>A Persian envoy trying to scare Spartans said that his king's army is so numerous, an arrow shot by every single soldier would block the sun completely
>"Then we will fight in the shadow"
>pinned down by Confederate Sniper fire
>everyone except this motherfucker was hiding
>John stood up and shouted "What are you doing, you fools! They couldn't hit an elephant at this dis-!
>was promptly cut off by a sniper bullet
>>30619
>Hungarian: Mind
>even less than a pole
Tip top fucking kek
>>30619
>tfw Spanish diaspora
>>36266
lead is the best banter
>>30827
>war virtues: invincible
No wonder.
>>32166
such a canny chap
>>27904
My favorite:
>Antiochus IV finds out Egypt is new ruler of Egypt is only a little kid
>Brings full military might of the Seleucid Empire crashing down on his ass
>EASILY conquers their non Egyptian holdings
>Marches his massively overwhelming army down the Levantine coast making a beeline towards Alex
>In his path he sees an old man with a walking stick
>An old Senator from Rome, Gaius Popillius something
>Old man walks up to him and calmly tells him Egypt is protected and that he needs to withdraw
>Anty scoffs
>"If you continue on, you will be at war with Rome"
>"Hang on, let me discuss it with my advisors" Maybe one of them can convince the old fuck to back off
>Based Pop drags a line in the sand around Anty with his cane
>"I'd like your reply before you cross"
>War against motherfucking Rome with one step
>OH SHIT
>Signals army to withdraw
>Pop shakes his hand and fucks off back to Rome
Thats where the saying "a line in the sand" comes from
>>30619
>Hungarian
>Mind: Even less than a Pole
Poles are based desu
>>36603
>500 infantry
>716 killed
>>36480
The Seleucids were a fucking joke after Seleucus died.
>>36603
this is quickly turning into Wikipedia screencaps: the board.
where is the banter in your shitty picture
>>31590
>implying he was insane
>>27904
Rome and Parthia are vying for control of the puppet state of Armenia. They agree to peace talks.
Rome is represented by Crassus, the rich as all fuck Triumvir who rules alongside Julius Caesar and Pompey Magnus. Parthia sends some general named Surena.
Parthian general asks Crassus what terms he offers. Crassus replies he will personally deliver them to Ctesiphon (Parthian capital), implying he will conquer it. Parthian dude is pissed, points to his palm "Hair will grow here before you will ever see that city." Storms out.
Few weeks later comes pic related.
>>35155
Fucking roasted. This is why you never act salty in defeat, it's to easy to pick apart.
>>36690
Antiochus III was the last ruler who was actually any good. He beat back the Parthians, subdued Bactria and the eastern provinces and had the balls to fuck with Rome. I'm not sure, but I think it was him that Hannibal went to after Zama as well.
>>30619
Magyars btfo!
I have a book of Diogenes anecdotes
>When Alexander was once sending off a letter to Antipater by a certain Athlias, Diogenes, who happened to be present, said, 'From a wretch born of a wretch through a wretch to a wretch.'
>He would regularly masturbate in public and used to say, 'If only one could put an end to hunger by rubbing one's stomach!'
>seeing an ethiopian eating white bread, he said, 'Look, the night's engulfing the day!'
Hitler forcing the French to sign their unconditional surrender in the very same train carriage that the Versailles Treaty was signed.
>>37067
>Look, the night's engulfing the day!'
>>37439
being a reasonably normal human being =/= being a whiteknight
Towards the end of his reign, Napoleon was throwing one of his temper tantrums in front of his Marshals and Talleyrand. As the other generals watched in fear, Talleyrand merely observed the situation with an amused smile. The emperor than turned his fury on the minister, threatening to execute him, calling him a traitor, saying their current predicament was his fault. Talleyrand simply beheld his emperor with a bemused smile, only increasing the emperors fury. The emperor hurled all kinds of abuses, saying that he could "break him like a glass, but it's not worth the trouble" and added with a scatological tone that Talleyrand was "shit in a silk stocking". Talleyrand merely kept his composure and responded "Pity that so great a man should have been so badly brought up".
Afterwords, Napoleon stormed out of the room and demanded that Talleyrand be exiled. A still bemused Talleyrand then turned to the Marshals, still lowering their heads and fear and with his still bemused smile said "Well now, that was unsightly"
>>37439
>slapping woman for NOT showing off their body
He's just straight
After invading southern Greece and receiving the submission of other key city-states, Philip II of Macedon sent a message to Sparta:
>"If I invade Laconia you will be destroyed, never to rise again."
The Spartan ephors replied with a single word: >"If"
Subsequently neither Philip II nor his son Alexander the Great attempted to capture the city.
>>37660
hmm where have i seen that before? Read the thread faggot
>>36696
>720 Poles
>Holding out against 40k+ Germans with armour and artillery support
>for 3 fucking days
>a modern day Thermopylae
>not top tier bants
>>30619
>hungarian
>bad habits:traitorous
and people wonder why romanians hate them
>>30619
>poles
>bears
best animals for best nation desu
also
>polish amusement
>arguing
Was Commonwealth a shitposting nation?
>>38529
Poland is still to this day a shitpost nation.
Ned Kelly, Australian outlaw slammed down this in one of his letters.
>I warn you that within a week we will leave your Colony, but we will not leave it until we have made the country ring with the name of Kelly and taken terrible revenge for the injustice and oppression we have been subjected to. Beware, for we are now desperate men.
Not 100% real classic /his/ banter, but banter nonetheless!
>>36603
This board is filled with autistic Germanboos from /pol/ so expect some butthurt.
