because you are the only alpha board, /fit
last night I got drunk in front of my computer alone after watching a stream of really fat men lift lots of weight four hours, then I looked at pictures of my ex and cut myself while listening to the soundtrack of the 1985 film "Mishima", composed by american pulitzer prize winning composer Philip Glass
a-alpha as fuck right?
>>37709908
>new years
>partying in berlin city with my m8s
>6 in the morning, high as fuck on cocaine for the first time while drinking hard
>we take 2 girls to the hotel
>my m8s gangbang one of them
>the other one wants to have a nice time with me
>starts sucking me
>undresses
>i tell her to lay down on my arms while i lay on the bed
>start to benchpress her
>my m8s cheer for me
>rep that tiny slut 20 times
>ask her what she weighs
>she answers 75kg
>i realize that is close to my usual 1RM
>i realie she is fat
>jizz on her face and throw her out
alpha as fuark brehs
>start exercising 5 month ago
>go at it gradually but consistently
>gain muscles and strength
>feel the alphaness rising
>go on date with cute rich chick from Hongkong
>drink, enjoy, show her around (Paris)
>in front of bar, girl gets harassed by a sandnigger
>confront the POS mudslime
>calls in reinforcement
>9 extra shitskins come out of adjacent streets and surround us
>shout like fucking monkeys, spout insults and threats
>get closer to the girl and stand my fucking ground
>Filthy arab alpha cunt starts pushing me
>push him the fuck back
>small monkey-like manlet kicks my legs and hides behind a wall of muslims
>single him out and spout "what's up with you virgin bitch trying to kick me"
>slap his fucking face
>shouts get louder
>still stand my fucking ground
>looks start changing, filthy cucks acknowledge the quality of the steel surrounding my balls
>they all bail out, the most alphas even shake my hands
>witnesses start clapping, although not one of them moved a muscle to help
>take the girl home
>fuck her all night
>never see her again
>
>>37709965
>>37710284
w-when will it be my time guys
>>37709965
That was fucking hilarious
>>37710284
that was fucking alpha
>>37710312
Come to Europe, looks for muslims in deep crevasses or grottos on the outskirt of cities.
don't know about alpha, but i keep getting fit shamed
>6'0ft 210lb +-15%bf, not /fit/ but noticably "muscley"
>work as an support desk manager
>dev manager is a fat jew
>not obese-fat, just a few extra pounds
>makes comments such as (but not limited to),
>"not all of us can be an adonis like anon"
>"if we were built like anon we wouldn't be spending our weekends on the couch eating pizza"
>"i hope you eat pizza"
>"doesn't all that chicken and brocolli get boring?"
>don't let it get to me, and just laugh it off
because fuck you, thats why
>at grocery store
>buying 20lbs of carrots and chicken liver
>forget i'm flat broke
>self checkout machine rejects debit card
>pretend like it worked anyway
>walk out with my carrots and chicken liver
>skinny store clerk says something like
>hey sir you didn't pay for that
>stop
>turn around
>look at him
>stare for about 20 seconds without moving
>he's starting to shake
>I can see him getting sweaty
>he motions to say something
>I continue walking
>get arrested by the cops for stealing food
>now I'm in jail
a-alpha as f-f-fuck
>>37710322
>Come to Europe, looks for muslims in deep crevasses or grottos on the outskirt of cities.
I am from europe tho... muslim chicks seem even more unfuckable... fuck me
>>37710333
that's because you need to lift up the carpet on their face
>>37710284
n-no everybody walk the dinosaur? goddamn
>>37710327
those fagots are just jealous of your gains mate
>>37710370
yip, fat fucking jew cucks
>>37710327
>>37710584
Seems I got one of the good kikes then. Both of my bosses are jews, but the self-hating kind. One of them keeps joking about how I would have been the perfect Aryan in the 3rd Reich and how he wishes his sons were as tall or 'motivated' as me.
Kinda weird but I don't mind.
>>37710327
Those are compliments you colossal homosexual
>>37710332
Nice fantasy.
>>37710776
>can't into sarcasm
>>37710734
He wants you to cuck him
not really /fit/ related but here goes...
>high school some years
>with gf for 2 years
>turbo autist is my arch nemesis
>calls himself the shadow poet
>constantly hits on my gf but can't do shit cause he's a special
>gf just puts him down
>towards the end of senior year
>everyone signing yearbooks
>retardis signs mine "great job anon, you got the girl in the end. HAGS!"
>nigger wtf? we weren't even competing I've been been fuckin this girl in the ass for 2 years
>whatever nbd, just same disabled nonsense
>gf comes up to me later
>"the shadow poet wrote me a poem."
>tfw it's 4 pages long, single spaced, front and back, in fucking pencil
>holyshit.png
>we go back to her place and read it on her bed
>pissing ourselves from laughter
>afterwards we start fooling around like we always did after school
>fucking her real good from behind
>legs spread, holding her hips down
>that's when I notice the poem
>I grab the pages and stick them user her pussy and her creaminess gets all over the front page
>I start realy railing her before I bust and I cum all over the poem
>she lays there exhausted and I smack her on the ass and tell her to go clean up
>she goes in the bathroom and I quick snap a pic of the cum stained poem
>text it to my arch nemesis with the words "fucked her on your poem. this is as close as you'll ever get. HAGS!"
>no response
>>37710327
Stay on the righteous path of iron brother
Take this thread back to /b/ faggot. Anyone bragging on an anime image board is not alpha. Its just kind of sad.
>>37710952
>le Mongolian beef board poster
you could've posted nothing at all
>>37710904
hey how are you holding up champ? i'm sorry that dude fucked the girl you like but at least she read your poem. now you're getting /fit/ so you can go after other girls now, right?
it's good you're letting this out in the form of sexual fantasy, easier to let go.
>>37710327
>"i hope you eat pizza"
He's not fit shaming you, he is just sayibg he expect you to be chad
>>37710967
teehee haters gawn hate
I almost kissed a girl a couple of days ago
>>37710332
Kekeroonie
>>37710904
Do you still write dark shadowy poems or do you pretend to be fit on /fit/?
>>37710904
Congrats she read your poem!
>>37711023
can't I do both?
>>37710327
>6'0ft 210lb +-15%bf, not /fit/
i will never make it
>this thread
>>37711099
>tumblr
>>37711099
ha ha ha... hmm
it appears you've accidentally wandered into an ALPHA thread. betas like you do not belong. allow me to show you the door.... *uppercuts you and you fall into a bunch of trash cans*
next time read the sign.
>>37711140
>work at hotel, 10pm
>chauefering guests around on golf cart
>a buzzed couple jumps in
>take them to their rooms, talking along the way
>dude hands me $2
>gf or wife gives me a kiss on the cheek and says "you're really cute"
AWWW YEEAH ALFA AS FUKK BRUHHS
the cuck gave me money AND his girl gave me some 'sugar sugar' if you know what i mean haHA!
>at home
>browsing 4chan
>see alpha male thread
>make up some fake faggot story
alpha as fuck guys
>>37710284
>witnesses start clapping
And we see an american power fantasy here.
>>37711091
iktf i am 6'0 135 I wish I was 2fucking10
>>37709908
>be me
>not you
>me
>earn lots of money
>like a whole lot
>especially for my age
>decide to start lifting
>6 weeks into ICF 5x5 (thank you based jason)
>finish up and decide to go to grocery store still in my tank top
>got that juicy pump going on
>get chicken, eggs, veggies, and rice, and some whey protein
>qt3.14 at register
>obviously mirin
>she asks if I found everything I need today
>I say yes
>im thinking of asking her to be my gf and make sex with me but im too much of a spaghetti spillin' sperg autismo
Anyone else have any alpha stories like this?
>>37709908
This story is pretty much the pride of my career as a male
>buddy who is gay throws party at his house
>invites 2 female friends of his and one of them brings a gay guy
>both girls keep hinting at that I'm hot
>play some truth or dare
>fast forward, I'm sitting on he couch making
out with one and fingering the other one
>keep going back and forth between them
>one of them, is more dominant, keeps pulling me more than the other shy one
>eventually shy ones gets pissed and leaves
>ended up making the other one my gf
>it's a shame because I actually liked the shy one better but oh well
had 2 girls and 2 gay guys trying to get on me all in one night
If I wasn't such a beta I probably could have had a threesome that night
it's not much, but it still makes me feel like a king
>>37711215
I don't even know how happy this would make me. I actually can't even imagine it happening because it would make me so happy
>>37711215
why are women such whores
>>37711256
I totally lucked out
I can never replicate it, and believe me, I tried
I think it was just good timing as one just broke up with her bf (my former gf) and the other one apparenly had a crush on me for a while
Plus there was no other straight guys there so not like I had any competition
but yeah, I don't know if I'll ever have something that amazing happen to me ever again
>>37711212
>"did you find everything you need today anon?"
>"not until I saw you"
>eye contact and smile while she blushes and bites lip
This is all it takes you faggots. Stop being autistic with women, especially if they're mirin. Grow a set of balls.
>>37711207
Start GOMAD then retard
>>37709965
>berlin
>gangbang
hey refugee, leave the german girls alone
>>37711200
>tfw you're so beaten down by your country how shitty your country is that you can't even fantasize like an American.
S-S-STUPID AMERICAN MACHO FANTASY
>be insecure manchild who missed out on athletics as a kid
>Spend all my time browsing 4chan
>Have been lifting for a total of 3 weeks
>Mummy buys me all my supps and milk
>My 1rm on bench is 130lbs
>Flex intensely in gym after every exercise
>Use memes in real life conversations
>Write up fake stories in alpha threads on /fit/ and post fake stats
ALPHA AS FUCK
>>37711299
Jesus Christ that shitty ass meme almost made me punch my screen
keep that filth on 9gag
>>37711212
>6 weeks into ICF 5x5 (thank you based jason)
>>37711380
What's 9gag precious?
I didn't go on /fit/ yesterday. Alpha as fuck.
>>37711371
DELET THIS
>>37711416
god damn I can't wait to get swole to get sluts to do shit like that for me
>>37711608
money gets sluts to do shit like that for you
getting swole gets guys to do shit like that for you
>>37711618
money gets you to have 30 year old sluts ride in your fancy car with you while thinking about getting rammed by their PT or garden boy
you could be rich and attractive, of course
>be at a party
>be alone while friend is with his girlfriend
>tfw third wheel
>bad mood because haven't had 4 scoops
>cmon
>chain smoking and drinking alone on side of house
>2 girls approach me and start convo
>give them only 1-2 word answers
>don't give them eye contact once
>make smart ass remarks to anything they say
>mfw they walk away
Ignoring girls is probably the most alpha and self fulfilling thing you can do.
>at concert by myself, stone cold sober
>girl starts dancing next to me, bumping into me a little bit
>TFW I know proximity
>start chatting her and her friend up, play it cool
>make no moves just joke and have fun with them
>Invite me back to their hotel to smoke
>hot tub is closed, bathtub it is
>In bath tub with two babes in our underwear
>start rubbing their legs
>get out of bath and move to bed
>start giving them both a massage
>OKAY LETS DO THIS
>both suck me
>I fuck them both till they cum
>both arch their asses and ask me to cum on them, I oblige
>watch them go down on eachother for 15 min
>decide it's time to go
>I did it boys, banged two hotties at once, I CAN GET MARRIED NOW!
TLDR: ffm threesomes are more exhausting than pleasurable
>>37711846
ffm threesomes are like the only reason I do cardio
>>37711846
Oh and one more thing
TFW when I'm 5'9, you can do it bros!!!
>>37711846
I dont believe you
>>37711879
and i'm okay with that.
>>37709908
>leaving a restaurant
>loading my kids into their carseats
>I notice a car wanting to pull into the spot next to me
>I finish loading my kids in their car seat
>As I start to enter my door, the car basically floors it, as fast as he could and flies into the parking spot
>I look over and it's some fatass middle-aged guy with his hamplanet wife, and two tiny dogs in her lap
>The guy gets out of his car, and walks into the restaurant, and glares at me with some beta-fag look
>I get out of my car, and walk into the restaurant (my wife stays in car with kids)
>I walk up to him in the restaurant and say, "Is there a problem?"
>He turns with a shocked, "fuck what did I do?" look on his face.
>This tub of lard is probably 5'6" 240 lbs, 50% bodyfat
>I'm 6'0", 215 lbs, 14% bodyfat
>He says, "well... yeah, we were wanting to park and you took forever."
>I say, " I have two kids, can you not wait 30 seconds?"
>He says, "ok fuck off buddy"
>I say, "What are you going to do about it?"
>He pauses, and has to think about something clever to say, because he sure as fuck doesn't want to fight me. "I..i'm going to keep cursing at you until you leave"
>I say, "ok that's what I thought. Bitch. I know you and your fatass wife can't wait to stuff food in your fat faces, but maybe be a little more patient next time."
>I hear the workers behind the counter giggle quietly.
>I gently pat his cheek, smile and walk away.
>He doesn't say anything
>As I leave, his wife does everything she can do to avoid eye contact with me as I stare her down.
>I'm sure she probably wishes her cuck-old husband would let me fuck her, because he probably has a small dick.
>My wife and I laugh about it on the way home.
I don't do this often, but this little fat fuck was being a douche, and I thought I'd make him feel like the cuck-bitch that he is.
>>37711846
#lifegoals
>>37711909
this whole cuck thing is getting to your head mate, but other than good story.
>>37711909
I hope this is real
>>37712007
Yeah you're probably right. All she could think about at that moment was getting a huge greasy burger, and fries into her fat ass.
>>37709908
>go on tinder
>match with redhead qt3.14
>chilling with friends at the moment
>one says "yeah she's crazy"
>send this
>already going out for a second date tonight
>it's a trail run
Guess I'm going to bite the bullet and kill some gains
>>37712015
OP here, I assure you it's very real. It happened yesterday. His face got so red when I approached him.
>>37712034
File edited to remove the name :)
Because there's always a cheeky fuck on here who gets salty
>be me
>be male model
>be 200 pounds with 10% bodyfat
>hungry as fuck
>decide to call up one of my friends with benefits
>ask her if she wants to get something to eat
>go to a local pizza shop
>see a guy wearing sweat pants with grease stains on it
>he's on a laptop using the pizza place's wifi
>go inside and order my pizza
>stand out front with my QT 9/10 FWB and eat my pizza because the weather is nice
>hear the sweat pants guy mumbling to himself and typing furiously on the keyboard while making glances at me out of the corner of his eye
>hear him mumble "CHAD" and "LITERALLY EATS PIZZA" and something about "STACEY"
>finish pizza and get ready to go back to my place to smash
>hear a faint "REEEEEE" sound like a frog when I'm about a block away from the pizza place
>>37712092
sophia is a qt
>>37712123
Damn you. But yeah, way out of my league. Luckily I was drunk and was at idiot savant humor level so she thinks I'm interesting. Wish me luck anon
>>37712119
kek
>be me pulling into restaurant with my QT wife
>some DYEL faggot (powerlifting master race) is taking forever to get in his car
>finally he does get in his car and I pull into the spot right as he is closing his door.
>gives me a look of offense as I pull in
>I realize he's a daddy's boy who has had everything given to him and once his perspective of the world revolving around him is challenged he chimps out.
>Follows me into the restaurant
>my wife (who is also on a bulk) and I try to ignore him
>he comes up and starts mumbling about 30 seconds
>my face turns red because I'm trying not to laugh
>my wife tries her best to ignore him
>everyone on the place is now laughing at him
>he leaves and I eat my meal
>my wife says to me "he probably just wanted you to fuck his wife and show her how a real man does it, what a cuckboi"
>we laugh
>walking to gym
>accidentally step in dog shit
>walk into gym
>wipe it all over asian dyel in tank top
>he's like "WHAT FUCK? WHAT MATTER WIF YOU??"
>put hands on hips, turn my head sideways and in my Steve urkel voice I shout out "uh oh, did I do that?"
>smile and walk away
>>37712092
>using reaction images outside of 4chunz
>>37712249
EZ Bruv. how else is she supposed to know about his meme skillz?
>>37711159
the haHA! fucking kek. its so underused.. thanks anon. i needed that.
>>37712249
>implying it didn't work
>implying it's not completely common anyway
>implying the "gif" option you can see in the pic isn't meant for exactly that
>>37712092
>>37712262
>>37712309
>samedyel
Why do cute girls think I'm creepy but non cute girls think I'm handsome and funny?
>>37712208
Oh man, this was hilarious (OP here)
>>37712332
You have confidence and nothing to lost around the uggos, so you act yourself
I realized this is middle school when the hot girls didn't want me but I was making every fat bitch in a 1 mile radius cream their panties
>>37710327
>"i hope you eat pizza"
>>37712309
>>37712262
good luck carrying a conversation with her as you explain your ebin maymays to her irl you turboautist
>>37712402
hahaha LoL. she'll be into whatever I talk to her about. by the time I'm done with her she's going to tell her friends about how cool memeing is and how hard she came.
>>37712419
if you're gonna troll at least make it funny
>be on train
>group of 4 mudslimes also on train
>have shitty middle eastern music playing from ine of their phones
>can hear it even though i have earbuds in
>finally get fed up
>look the one with the phone in the eyes
>'you better shut that shit off'
>'w-what'
>turn that shit off before i get up
>he hurries to turn off goat raping music
>rest of pack of mudslimes is trying hard not to make eye contact
felt good
>>37712419
Oh fuck off, you're not me.
Proof in pic related
>>37712402
Went out with her Saturday. I quit using any gifs early on; turns out we had a bunch of mutual friends so it wasn't too weird for a blind date.
>turbo autist
You're not entirely wrong but it hasn't stopped me yet
> ex dumps me out of the blue about five weeks ago because I'm too stressed out from grad school
> sadfrog.jpg
> get tinder at friend's behest
> match/hit it off with grill
> taller/prettier than ex
> go out on first date, checking out an outdoor music festival
> talking easily for the past five hours
> suddenly ex appears
> doesn't say anything, staring at new grill
> telling a joke, make eye contact with ex
> finish the joke, break eye contact as new grill starts laughing
> later on new grill texts me 'how do you have such nice arms holy fuck'
> mfw the whole time
>>37712232
>then I fucked him without a condom
>>37711342
>>37709929
A-anon
>>37711909
>cuck-old
>>37711805
never alone cos i got God
never alone cos i got God
never alone cos i got God
>>37709908
>be me
>be me a a restaurant owner idly looking out the window
>see a dirty fucking car pull into the front
>watch as a homeless looking dirty guy gets out and begins to take a shit on the sidewalk
>another car pulls up and its that fat lard that always comes in with his pillow girlfriend
>literally covered in semen and stale oats
>”she's bulking”
>fat-ass rushes in and starts ordering, he hasn't even sat down yet.
>'delilahs' stationary smile greets me too
>a horror only surpassed by a dead look in her eyes that is somehow is getting worse, more a mute feeling than cotton it once was
>dirty guy comes storming in after
>i didn't see him wipe
>Rushes up to the fat-ass “is there a problem?”
>Tries to flex but just looks bunched
>”it was taking you forever to curl that out buddy, could've done that in my sleep. I do.”
>”my kids my kids” he shouts waving towards his empty car, maybe there was a car-seat in it once. Nevermore.
>”ok fuck off buddy”
>”listen I know you and your perfectly rectangular fat wife need to stuff your faces with, food and cake and...” he squints at her and through his drunken stupour, a hazy clarity forms that should really have been reserved for rehabilitative steps “wool?”
>”alright lets fucking do this bro lets do this”
>they begin to grapple and its quickly on the floor
>the dirty guy gets the fat guy in a belly hold and a sputtering noise comes out of his backside, diarrhoea is just spewing out of him all over until the fatty passes out.
>dirty guy gets up and snatches the pillow
>”you're getting it as well love” he says, makes for the exit with her tucked in arm, but pauses at the door and turns
>”cuck'd”
>>37712700
/thread
>>37709965
This is why being fit and doing drugs is the best lifestyle. Molly is #1 though.
Spent about 3 hours playing Overwatch as Reinhardt last night.
Pretty alpha I'd say. Even got a POTG.
>Resiting temptation to jerk off every few days so I can let out a huge load on my gf
>Fucking gf for 20minutes, really need to cum because I haven't in a week.
>Pull out and cum on her stomach/under her boobs
>mfw gf says "wow you cum so much"
Alpha as fuark
>>37709908
I got one, actually.
>Be police cadet
>Spend a long time training, dabble in boxing as well
>6'0, about 165 pounds
>Uniform shirt if not flattering, very baggy because they didn't have my size
>First week get made fun of constantly by the overweight cadets, one even kept calling me "stick"
>Bothered me a lot, but never said anything
>PT test time comes, which is our first PT session at all
>PT uniform isn't flattering either
>Obnoxious asshole marine stands behind me in line for the push-up test
>"I'll go after you, since you'll only do like 5"
>Decide I want to go last, go to the end of the line
>That marine did 80
>Before I went up, best was 125 by another marine
>Everyone comments "of course he'll be the best score"
>Everyone gathered around them to watch
>My turn
>Nobody watches except two of my friends
>Get to about 130
>Look up, now everyone's watching
>Keep going, telling myself to just keep going
>Get to 225 push-ups, everyone acts like I just won a medal
>Continue PT test, smoke almost every other test
>Become known by the class for my physical prowess
>Graduate
>Go to my new station
>Wear bulky clothing
>Bulky officer mocks me for being so scrawny
>Friends from the academy just look at me
>I say nothing
Feels good mane
>Going back home at night with a mate
>Pretty shit neighborhood, full of gypsies
>Suddenly 6 little shits (around 15 i guess) appear in front of us, faces covered and acting real though.
>"Eh, you. The phone and the money"
>Mock them on their height
>The fucking brats take out one knife each
>Look at my friend right in the eyes
>We both run for it
feels bad not being rambo
PS: Gyppos should be thrown into the sea at birth
This one time a little asian manlet put his shoes on my books at school.
I told him to move his legs nicely
"No"
"Move your legs i am not in the mood for this"
"Make me"
"Move your fucking legs or i break them"
"Try it"
I grabbed his fucking desk and flipped him
The teacher watched this all go down and didn't even give me detention.
Mfw
>>37712279
> haHa?
im not alpha, could someone please explain
>>37709908
I'm not gay but I want to be glowing this summer so I'm thinking of using a tanning bed. Anyone got a tips?
>>37709965
>75kg
>close to one rep max
funniest part
>>37713408
this was like 5 years ago? I think i was 17
>>37710284
Can confirm i was there, i was the manlet
>>37710327
anon eats PIZZA while his FAT boss MIRES as you sit at home and CRY with your FLESHLIGHT
>be me
>finals week, spring semester
>accouting final
>doing awesome in accounting
>is major
>walk into final
>find best looking chad and stacy
>sit between them
>autistically say 'you guys ready for these accounting gains?'
>every test is on computer
>green progress bar at top of screen
>finish while chad and stacy are only halfway through.
>both halfway through
>both look stressed as fuck
>both have hands in hair
>say outloud, 'an A, huh. Too easy. Yoi guys see this?'
>point to screen get up, log out, and leave
>3.65 for semester
>deans list
Pretty nerdy and autistic, i know, but chad an stacy will need better luck next semester with their business degrees.
What a couple of faggots
>>37710284
You the man I would like to hope I would exhibit balls at least nearly as big and brass as yours
>>37710284
pfffffffffffffftttt kek
>>37710327
Fuck fit shaming I am similar stats and at my new job one co worker seriously hates me and the only reason I can figure is that I'm /fit/ and she's a fatty.. Constantly comments on how unhealthy heavy lifting and too much exercise is, and how boring life must be avoiding shoving my face with scones and cake everyday (I'm a chef in the UK). This is why fat people fucking suck, they recognise they are unnatractive but they're too weak willed to do anything so they just try and make everyone else look worse
> fixed my posture finally
> walking around at work, chest tall and head high
>two girls appear and say "anon. Your chest is so big. You must be really strong"
>"haha not really. I'm w-weak"
> They look at each other
> "so you haven't been working out?"
> freak out and say "Oh no. I've been working out. But I'm still really weak"
> run away and go back to my corner
A-am I alpha yet, /fit/?
>>37713588
No I'm the exact opppsite. I used to joke around and be a comedian and really overdo it to compensate for being obese. Now I'm just a quiet person.
Whenever someone muscular or fit is nice to me I can really appreciate their hard work, and I try to support them if they ask for my help. When my friend wanted to enlist in in the Marines I wrote out his exercise program and diet for the first ten weeks as I taught him fitness basics. He's deployed now.
I'm just a lazy fat fuck who feels too frustrated to do anything. But desu fampai fats need to be put in camps or shot.
>>37713640
>working on self-improvent
>humble
>doesn't let females distract him from work
Good job. Alpha as fuck
>>37711200
This was funny af hahhaa
>>37713496
You need to be thrown into a locker.
I'll KISS with this story
>Be me
>Turbo autist with decent FACE HEIGHT and FRAME
>Get fit time elapsed 1 year
>Go to mellow party
>Wearing tank top to party
>Playing it cool chilling
>FF two 6's hitting on me grinding in my lap fighting over me
>After 1 hour making out with them tell them I'm out of there league
>They try to take me home with them, i say fuck off
>Maintain stoic
>Go home, call much hotter FWB and we fuck and cuddle
I played it cool but inside I was giggling like a schoolgirl because that shit never happens to me.
>Inb4 didn't happen
>>37714171
didn't happen
>>37709908
>Philip Glass
Phillip Glass is Alpha as fuck good choice
Got into a road rage incident that was totally bot my fault. I didn't help alleviate the situation so i guess partly at fault.
>at a atop light waiting to turn left, there are like 15 cars waiting
>punk ass bitch stopped bedide me starts running his mouth, gets out his car and is approaching
>i step out when he's in my face i see i got like 6" on him, im 6'3
>he sees this to so has his hands up and is kinda half facing me
>grab him by the wrists and begin to push him back, he can't escape my grip lmao (fucking normies eh, mixed grip 4plate deadlift 5 repper here)
>the guys looking at his wrists as he's being moved back, im swearing at him "what are you gonna do now bitch"
I swear this is real, swear to KEK it is
>i see a blip in my peripheral, without thinking let go of the jackass infront of me
>next thing i know i see another guy picking up his watch infront if me
>WTFjushappen.jpg
>passenger of the guy i manhandled rusged to his buddies aid, little bitch points to another car says there are 2 more of them
>notice those two are looking at me but didn't leave their car, the two assholes now infront of me don't attempt to fight further
>everyone back in their cars, light turns green
>every vehicle passing me that was at the light saw this
>everyone staring at me as they drive by with a deer in headlights look
>remember this one car with a milf and younger girl, staring as they go by
>bet they got off to me later
>be really horny one day
>get on gay app and tell some qt twink whos been craving my D forever to come over
>immediately starts sucking and trying to deepthroat
>(pic related)
>make him swallow
>he asks for a glass of water
>tell him to fuck off and throw him out
>>37710284
>itt, things that never happened
>fucking a girl in her car
>police rolls up on parkinglot
>know the guy from highschool he see's me, gives a thumbs up and gets in his car again
>keep fuckin her
Felt kinda alpha
>>37711805
I do this all the time but am unsure if I like it or not
>>37709929
Holy shit bro, you don't have to do that to yourself
>>37709965
>>37712743
excuse me
>be me
>qt3.14 girl at summerschool
>give her my email (I don't have a phone)
>she emailed me 4 days ago
>despite the fact that 4 fucking days have past
>I play it cool and email her back
I felt a bit alpha.
>>37709929
skeleton over here, 25 never had a gf, you don't see me cutting
Be strong anon.. there is no other choice for us, but to keep going forward, no looking back, no regrets. They are there for us just to evolve!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVdIf8BJME8
>>37714171
this is such obvious bullshit m8...
>>37715008
Be careful with this doge. I over did it with delayed responses on Tinder, and now I do it to everyone.
>dad texts me
>calls me gay (we've been calling each other gay for like 10 years)
>I instinctively don't respond
>he mentions to my mom that i didn't text him back
>mom says to make sure i always respond and call him gay back
>text dad and accuse him of being a phony to spice things up
>>37711200
I took a shit at work and didn't flush it.
>>37715008
>summer school
>alpha
kek
>>37714295
I mean you're a literal faggot, at least you wont reproduce
>>37715467
>not getting ahead
>alpha
>>37715503
where i went to school kids got sent to summer school when they were stupid. what are you talking about?
>>37715513
Ah nvm you didn't go to college.
>>37712249
>muh secret club
>>37714204
>>37715114
Not that it matters but it is true, it's not like I have any reason to lie anonymously to a bunch of strangers.
Anyways here's your (You)s
>>37713848
>>37715339
What's the matter Chad?
You didn't do too good this semester?
>>37716038
I will shove your head so far down the toilet my hands will be dripping wet with toilet water.
>>37709908
>Rewind time
>Now 14 year old me
>Have hightest girlfriend who was leaving for college (17)
>She loves me bc Chadbod
>Fucked her and cheated on her
>Got caught
>No hightest gf anymore
>Didntcare.jpg
Fucked her anyways so I did what I wanted
>>37711909
>>37712208
>>37712743
These are fucking great! lol xD
>>37709908
Today I was walking my dog and he wanted to stop and sniff something but I was in a hurry so I said "c'mon bud" and kept walking. Alpha pack leader as fuck.
>>37711299
jesus christ you sperglord
please tell me you don't stop there because that would be the most painfully awkward silence from all of fucking history
just as the girl out, don't try to be a fucking moviestar, i swear some of you on this board have assburgers
>>37709908
>Busted a nut doggy style into qt3.14 after workout last night
>Made her cum about 5 times even tho she was trying not to
This was after the day's workout, perfect calories and macros and other gains. Around 9pm.
>inb4 t. Chad
>>37714376
Hi there! It seems you somehow wandered onto 4chan.org/fit/. I know this is vastly different from your homeland of reddit.com/r/lgbt, but there is a simple fix! Simply click the link in the previous sentence, and away you go! Have a fantastic life.
>>37710776
Fucking HELL, why is summer so much worse than the rest of the year? It doesnt even make sense, don't summerfags have access to the internet the rest of the year? If so, why the hell is /fit/ so much shittier this time of year?
>>37713390
Alternatively, live in the land of freedom and stop watching black guys fuck your girlfriend/wife
>little shits pull knives on me
>I pull my glock 19 with 15 rounds
>>37712451
Damn bro I hope that's real
That's alpha as fuck
>>37712119
If this ain't pasta it should be
>>37711805
I do that without even noticing.
>>37716160
There is nothing alpha about a lack of loyalty.
You are just scum
>>37714388
This is white privilege
>best friend's wedding 2016
>be best man
>ceremony outside and taking too long
>meh.jpg
>make the best goddamn speech I ever made
>people be laughing, ladies be crying
>dancing with with every chick in the place (~50) chicks, best dancer under the roof
>a fat hamplanet orbits my way ~250lb
>oh_shit_nigga_not_her.gif
>pray to Jesus in Heaven she doesn't ask me to dance
>starts calling me a man-whore for dancing with all the grills
>I laugh in her face and tell her she's jealous because I don't want to dance with her
>Take her cute friend on the dancefloor (7/10), tonguefuck her face while maintaining eye contact with hamplanet
>see her disgusted face
>mfw I fucked that 7 that night
>mfw I learn she has a boyfriend
>bitch still wants my phone number
>visited my best bro's place last weekend
>fucked the 7 again
>wife of best bro's all mad because she doesn't want to deal with the fallout between 7 and her boyfriend
>mfw don't care
>I learn they all work at the same min wage coffee shop and I ensued all kinds of drama there
I'd say that was pretty alpha
>>37709929
Livin the life
>>37716038
i have a 3.2 and used nepotism thru my frat to land a sweet internship this summer. kick rocks nerd
>>37717324
People are gonna give you shit for that and be all "muh morals kys", but in all honesty if that was true , that was alpha. Good one kid.
>be me at gym
>relatively big after a year of going
>6' 180 ~%10 body fat
>start walking towards the 40s to bust out some hammer curls
>make eye contact with a Chad
>keep walking towards 40s
>Chad gets there first
>"oh sorry, were you gonna use these bro?"
>*nod my head while looking at the floor*
>Chad let's me have the 40s and gets on sled
F-F-Fucking showed him
>>37717292
This is a nigger
Why not
>work at hotel, nights
>shitty neighborhood in Londonistan
>fuckin' people walk in all the time, not guests
>enter crackheads
>one flailing arms, shouting
>he approaches
>I stand up from behind the desk
>his friends suddenly grab him amid a barrage of "sorry we are sorry mate"
>exit crackheads
>sit down
feels fuckin' nice
>/fit/
>not a bunch of insecure losers
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
>>37712119
CHAD is LITERALLY fucking PIZZA and eating STACEY while you inject CREATINE and perform HIIT CARDIO in the YOGA SECTION
>>37716129
>I will shove your head so far down the toilet my hands will be dripping wet with toilet water
heh, you got your hands wet in toilet water! who's the loser again?
>>37709908
>be invited to grills birthday maybe like an 8/10 on a good day
>can i bring a friend?
>"umm uhh sorry i really planned this whole thing we got limited numbers ect"
>'cool, well probably cant go doing stuff that night.'
>get a text a few hours later
>"you can bring a friend, someone else cant go"
>'kk'
>day before party
>'hey btw, can i bring a 2 more friends?'
>'no, sorry why would you think that'
>'kk'
>never show to party, instead drink and go out with friends
>get a call that night 1am
>'anon why arnt you here? something wrong?'
>nah i had already said i was going to go out with x y and z tonight and since they couldn't come i couldn't make it. (only half true)
>she starts saying sorry, she didnt know ect.
>she ditches her own after party at some club that night and comes to me
>we didnt do anything that night (kinda regretful) but she was definitely very much into me after that, fucked a few times then she moved.
One of these days
>>37713457
>/fit/ the post
>>37711299
>"Did you find everything you need today?"
>"not really."
>"what else are you looking for?"
>"A reason to live"
> Starts loudly sobbing and holding up entire line in the most awkward public display ever.
And that's how I would imagine anyone on /fit/ actually handling it
>haven't masturbated in 5 days
don't fuck with me boys, I'm boss 'round these parts
>>37718879
i actually say stuff like that in the back of my mind but hold it together enough to be normal and fake a smile.
>>37711299
>"did you find everything you need today anon?"
>"how do you know my name?"
>I don't know, I guessed
>I really hate people like you
>>37709908
>my ex left me
>i lose weight
i'm a cunt destroyer
>Friend with fat lesbian.
>She has a good face, top tier eyes and 10/10 personality.
>But fat and a lesbian.
>Lost her weight in two years.
>Confess to me that she always wanted to try men, but was afraid because fat.
>We date and fuck. She's a penis virgin. >Feelsgoodman.
>She has been my gf for 2 years now. Best gf I ever had.
>tfw turned a lesbian straight.
Alpha ?
>>37718985
I used to be mopey like that, but then I figured if I'm only gonna live once I might as well enjoy it.
>>37711805
>>bad mood because haven't had 4 scoops
>>cmon
Kek'd
>>37718664
Fuaaark that was gooood
>>37718664
>wanting to be remembered
Correction
>wanting to be shitposted about
>>37711909
I wonder if you would do the same if the guy would be at least as fit as you
>have a gf of 3 years, the longest I've been with someone.
>I really like this girl but I'm a shitty person.
>Cheat on her with 15 different girls.
>I found out she did something in a party with some fuck face. She told me the guy only kissed her neck , hugged her and that's it.
>Don't know if I should believe her, get really mad but realize I'm a fucking hypocrite...
>After that and a lot of fights we're still together and I sort of still love her.
I never told her about my lovers... It's funny. It seems every guy acts like a beta with her: her ex-boyfriend, class and work mates, that guy at the party and most of all myself, yet I was all alpha and mighty with the bunch of other girls I hooked up with.
>>37720209
why do you cheat if you like the girl anon?
imagine if you were in her position. how would you feel?
you should be honest with her. you'll most likely break up but it doesnt sound like you're happy with her anyway.
>>37720252
I guess I have trust issues. I don't think she's been honest with me about everything, but she loves me a lot, and I love her as well, I just have a lot of shit in my head I need to fix. Also, I don't want to be cucked, so I cuck instead... The thing is, since I never tell, in the eyes of the world I'm the little puppy in the relationship.
>only alpha board
Oh please, this board is now filthy with DYEL's, skinnyfats, and fat fucks.
>>37720359
And haes retards. Why are they even here?
>>37713652
Find a m8 to start lifting with senpai. We're all gonna make it
>be me
>>37713640
>>37713709
This anon gets it
>realizes where he stands and where potential lies
>not doing shit for women
10/10
Keep up the good work
>>37711909
Literally never happened
>>37709908
>be me 18
>at party a couple of days ago
>gotten ripped as fuck the last year
>8/10 girl comes up to me to talk
>me being alpha as fuck acting all rule and absurd
>Telling her that she is not going to get laid tonight
>I end up fucking her because I'm too drunk at the end of the night
>both fell asleep in my bed
>next day I tell her that I fucked her and that I will never touch her again.
>she smacks me in the face with the back of her hand and leaves
>before she is out of my house I yell "Don't let the door hit you on the way out"
>hear her slam my backdoor so hard it sounded like I had to get a new door
>mfw I realize that I probably shouldn't have been such an alpha and that I probably shouldn't have drank so much.
>>37711299
yikes guy
>>37710904
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
>>37710989
what a cunt
>>37711403
Is that my boy Hemingway?
The alpha/beta dicothomy is literal autism
Stop overanalyzing every action in your life
>>37711299
>"not until I saw you"
What you going on about you fedora wearing faggot
>>37711091
>>37711207
Yes you will. I've been lifting or 5yrs, cycling between SL and RPT, eating at maintenance or just above.
>You've got this
>>37712332
wow, like maybe it has to do with you're not good enough for them? if you would be alpha enough, you could get away with being the creepyest fuck and hot girls wouldn't care
Basicly.
Fucked the ex of one if my sort of friends(that guy that is always around but you don't care about)
, while he was trying to get back together with her. I fucked her brains out. Then he found out i was fucking her and he got batshit crazy. I just Talked to him and hr eventually blamed it all on himself. Never fucked that girl again way too much bullshit for me.
>wake up at 3:30am for the gym
>smash the weights
>feel like an absolute badass
>>37710284
Why would you lie to us, anon?
>>37710327
He was being nice you autist
>>37721404
same here brah, feelseuphoricman.jpg
:^)
>>37710327
>6'
>210 lb
>15% bf
>not fit but noticeable muscley
Yeah you are fat, if you were 15% bf at 210 lb you'd be fucking huge and nobody would dare pick a fight with you
Get real fatty
>>37711909
I want to be like this some day
If this story is real, alpha as fuck anon.
Don't be an asshole to people as long as they respect you and your family but if they don't they're in for a ride.
>>37720138
>hurr durr you're only cool when someone is smaller than you
Of course it would be different you fucking beta, but people who at least respect their bodies usually respect fathers who load their kids in their car
>>37721544
stay mad manlet
>>37721788
Im 6' myself you delusional fatty
>>37711909
didn't happen, but i'd love to one day be HUEG enough to be able to do this.
>be student and intern in a pretty big company
>work in the accounting department
>we are responsible for the accounting of all the subsidiaries worldwide
>20 people, most of them the typical accountant
>one of them is a hilarious russian dude, in his late 50s
>the first handshake with this guy and I knew he is a fucking alpha
>we talked about lifting, women, soccer.....typical shit men topics
>three weeks into my internship some new fat bitch with problem glasses starts in the HR department
>a week later our boss has a talk with him
>somebody complained about shit he said during lunch
>boss also talks to me because I was involved and made some jokes too
>fuck, don't want to lose my internship
>russian dude says not to worry, we'll just eat on the other side of the cafeteria and avoid that fat bitch
>well this fat bitch is seeking drama, always sits near us
>so he started to ignore her more, not even greeting her
>a few days later he has another talk with our boss about 'hostile working atmosphere' he's causing
>russian dude gets angry, says he'll keep avoiding her and they can not force him to interact with toxic people if it is not work related
>a few days later me and him talk about an upcoming game and he says 'those faggots will lose'
>hr bitch loses it in the cafetaria and calls him homophobic, sexist.....the usual bullshit
>russian dude gets angry, I expected him to knock her out but he just leaves the cafetaria wordless
>next day he receives a disciplinary warning letter
>russian dudes comes over to my desk and asks me if I received anything related to the drama one day before
>I say no and ask him what is wrong
>he shows me the letter and laughs, "I guess I'll take some time off"
>an hour later he steps into the office of our boss and asks him if he's for real
>you can hear them argue for about ten minutes
>he returns back with a smile on his face, shuts down his work station, packs his stuff and says good bye to everyone
>>37712576
>>37714467
>>37715073
>>37717335
Don't worry guys, I only do it on sunday nights, sometimes fridays if I go drink with friends
Guys is this a red flag?
>some girl has a HUGE crush on me
>haven't fucked yet but will probably in near future
>mfw she turns her phone on and the wallpaper is a picture of a baby
>ask if that's hers
>"n-no it's my best girlfriend's baby"
I mean, who the fuck puts another person's baby as your phone wallpaper?
>>37722474
>boss yells at him that he'll be fired if he leaves
>"give me a call and we'll watch a game together" as he shakes my hand
>one week later
>boss assigned his work load on all of us
>people working for years in the company could not finish the assigned work in time, even with overtime
>whole department is stressed out, CFO loses his shit and yells at boss, boss loses his shit and yells at us
>meet russian dude in a bar to watch some soccer and tell him what is happening
>dude was an excel/VBA freak and coded countless macros, programs to do most of his work
>he deleted those before he left
>he told boss and even the CFO called him and begged him to come back, offering 30% more
>"I don't know. I don't need the money and I'm getting used to retirement. We'll see."
>I finshed my internship, boss lost his job, hr bitch changed to another subsidiary and they hired another two people to get the work done in time
>based russian dude enjoys his early retirement
>>37721964
sure you are princess
>>37722565
Fucking legit. There are a lot of Russians in my area and the majority of them are pretty epic. I'm jealous.
/fit/, how do I into Russian mode?
>>37722565
Was an intern and my Russian boss hooked me up with a dope full time job and even an internship for my degen friend. Hes actually so chill, best boss ever. Doesn't give a shit, tells me cool stories of when he was younger.
Russians are some of the best people to work with
>Last saturday night
>Already drunk as fuck in line for club with two mates
>Start talking to two girls in front of us, no idea what i was saying because already hammered
>Have flashbacks of the night in club dancing and making out with solid 9/10 from the line, no idea how i managed it.
>Sobering up in taxi home with her, she's blowing me, nearly positive the taxi driver is watching
>We fuck back at mine, wake up in the morning and fuck again.
>Make her bacon and eggs and a coffee and talk, give her a lift home after and give her my number
>She messages me a few hours later saying thanks for the fun night, exchanged a few messages since
>mfw shes coming over again this weekend
>>37720666
trips confirms it
>>37722613
good job but whats the point of drinking that much if you don't remember it?
just a waste of gains and a one way ticket to puketown&hungoverville to me.
>>37717437
>be owner of company
>need new interns
>large number of applicants, have wide varieties of skills and talents that could help bolster and build my company
>pick some mediocre autist because he was in the same club as me in college
either you're bullshitting or the company you work for is ass on a stick
>>37723368
>gets hangovers
I'm sorry m9
>>37723559
>not being aware that nepotism is extremely usual in these settings since literally forever
either you're bullshitting or you've been living on a rock
It's surprising yet kinda sweet when people this naïve reveal themselves.
>>37712789
>This is why being fit and doing drugs is the worst lifestyle
ftfy degenerate faggot
>>37720402
>implying haes people come on this board
gtfo summerfag
>>37713496
>3.65 for the semester
Were you implying this is good?
>>37720986
>>37721582
>>37722273
OP here, and I assure you it happened.
>>37709908
> Write my crush an email asking her out
> No answer
> Meet her at the climbing gym, show off my sick skills
> Ask her out for climbing
> She agrees and even adds some smilie I can't understand
> I suggest dates
> She's too busy right now after all
> Suggest she notice me when she's less busy
> She agrees
Now it's kind of awkward when we see each other every about 6 months.
To be fair, at that time I didn't lift.
>>37722504
someone who cares about them? most normies do that shit man, go for it
>>37712453
>you're not entirely wrong but it hasn't stopped me yet
Why did this make me laugh so hard
>have small penis
>have tons of sex anyways thanks to outgoing personality and college life
>get gf who's 5'4 and Asian
>take her virginity
>always have to make her cum through oral or fingering
>finally make her cum one month ago during sex
Since then I always use that same position to make her cum and then cum inside of her soon after
>>37727050
what do you mean when you say small penis
a-asking for a friend
>>37722565
Based ruski
>>37727083
At 4 inches when I was eighteen but after a year or so of jelqing I went to a little over six but then I stopped and am roughly 5 1/2
>I stopped giving oral to women years ago
>they tell me I'm great at sex and come back for more
>>37712249
>implying reaction images hasn't been used my normies on social media for years
>>37714467
holy fuck that image. now i have the feels.
>>37723368
drink water to avoid hangovers. lots of it.
>go to a gym in a black neighborhood cause it's cheap and 5 min away
>literally have 1-3 niggers a week hit on me
>most of the time I just don't respond
>get constantly oogled at by old men
>to the point where I literally stare at them until they stop looking
>I am extremely uncomfortable when ever I go there
>I fucking hate my gym
How does it feel to be a dude and get to do what you want at the gym without being bothered?
>>37727539
well if women would hit on me I wouldn't complain at all t.bh with you mate
obviously if they wouldn't be some landwhales and shit
>live in the most hipster and progressive area in Stockholm
>just brought home some bitches from a party, we're three dudes and seven grills
>already fucked one of them in a bush outside
>everyone having a good time
>one girl starts talking feminism and shit
>literally yell "Get her out of here, get her the fuck out"
>the girls escort her out while she's being angry and fighting them
>we all laugh it off and forget about it
>fuck an underage qt later that night
happy days, honestly tried to contain my laughter after telling them to get her the fuck out lmao, a pity tho she was p hot
>>37727539
You get bothered as a guy at a gym as well, just under different circumstances. Guys, for whatever reason, fucking love to be dominate (muh test). It's as if all social cues and respect goes out the window.
Swear on me life m8, more often than not, I'll have other guys come out of the fucking left field to come do the exact same exercise as me, right next to me; weight regardless.
Fuck it, it doesn't even have to be the same exercise, but there'll be guys nudging their way into my space. Look buddy, this is my fucking window pane; not yours asshat.
And my god, the comparisons these guys get when they're yolked is actually aids. At my gym, no homo, it's DILF city. I'm 21 year old 2 month DYEL, and I swear on me life m9 that these fools SNICKER at me, shit is fucking insane yo.
I got tons of alpha stories but even more beta stories. All you need to be mired by bitches is height, decent face, and good frame. I mean im 6'1 And 190 and when i show off i get allll the stares. I dont even have a six pack just giant arms and a v taper somehow.
Also i enjoy looking strange and weak so fuckers try and start shit. You have activated my trap card: giant arms. I just love seeing them deflate and stammer.
>>37727765
show some pics I wanna see those giants arms of yours
>>37709908
I am able to generate returns in my investments consistently above the market return.
>>37727765
>Also i enjoy looking strange and weak so fuckers try and start shit. You have activated my trap card: giant arms.
Literally laughed out loud, I do exact the same.
>act like I'm really drunk when I'm not
>act like a huge beta
>some faggot that wants to start a fight comes to pick on me
>take off my shirt and beat the shit out of him
I fucking love beating the shit out of people who come looking for fights. I'm not the kind of person who does that, because it's pathetic. That's why I fight those who try to start shit.
>>37727765
>>37727818
whats the point of this fighting shit?
the only time I would fight someone would be just to defend myself
>>37710327
>>"if we were built like anon we wouldn't be spending our weekends on the couch eating pizza"
It's litterally 360 degrees the other way around
>Afghanistan
>Got to protect a convoi
>Everything seems chill
>some shitskin manchild blows himself up in convoi. No mates die just locals so it's fine
>next day we see a bunch of shitskin manlets. Waiting to get order to open fire but Nope.jpg
>They attack some police stations
>we are sent to defend the policestation
>two children runing outside the station I tell them to stop
>they don't listen so I shoot one in the leg
>some tribal leader gets fucked up cause I shot the boy
>get sent home
>get medal
>mum and gf are proud as fuck
>alpha
