24 hour gyms? Who the heck wants to work out for 24 hours?!
Hey Tiny, don't get too upset about your height. Life is too short to worry about the small things.
Hey, so did you guys hear about this one? Apparently Mark Rippetoe will be featured as a trainer on I Used to Be Fat. Yeah, the title of the new season will be called "I Used to Be Fat, Now I'm Fatter"
So "the king of aesthetics" Zyzz was in the news today, yeah. You hear about this? Apparently he's looking to own a professional sports team. And for the first time in league history, both owners ~and~ players will be juiced up.
And here's a good one, you hear about this? Apparently Alex, the Tinytrip, was caught shoplifting at a grocery store this weekend, yeah, you hear about this?
Luckily, police were able to escort him out of the store and return him back to his cage at the zoo. *audience laugher* Looks like he didn't have a "whey" out of this one! Jeez, I'll tell ya.
So apparently, that infamous crossfitter who severed his spine is starting to recover again --
[Crowd cheers]
Yes. It seems crossfit's enemies /fit/ paid for the man's physiotherapy where he learned to walk, dress himself, and most importantly eat.
He reached a milestone today where he ate his first tearful breakfast by himself.
/fit/'s response?: "LMAO1PLAET!1!!"
The Shoulder God was in the /fit/ today, you hear about this?
He said that for the post that ends in 69 he will release his shoulder workout that "got his OHP up 60lbs in a month and a half"
And in other news, stay at home mom uncovers one weird trick that made her $3000 last month.
Now someone explain this one to me? Authorities today arrested "Trucrypt" after he was caught masturbating at females at a nearby gym. Yeah, you hear about this? Apparently he had been doing this for years.
The cops said they had no prior knowledge to this as they had no reason to believe Trucrypt had ever been in a gym. *audience laugher*.
Yes, even Osama said, "Damn you're good at hiding!"
>>37656507
Mfw i hear this in jay lenos squeaky voice
>>37656507
>8 / 7 / 2 /1
I knew there weren't this many clever memers on my board.
*slow claps*
*steps out of the shadows*
Heh... not bad, kid. Not bad at all. Your meme, I mean. It's not bad. A good first attempt. It's plenty dank... I can tell it's got some thought behind it... lots of quotable material...
But memeing isn't all sunshine and rainbows, kid. You're skilled... that much I can tell. But do you have what it takes to be a Memester? To join those esteemed meme ranks? To call yourself a member of the Ruseman's Corps? Memeing takes talent, that much is true. But more than that it takes heart. The world-class Memesters - I mean the big guys, like Johnny Hammersticks and Billy Kuahana - they're out there day and night, burning the midnight meme-oil, working tirelessly to craft that next big meme.
And you know what, kid? 99 times out of a hundred, that new meme fails. Someone dismisses it as bait, or says it's "tryhard," or ignores it as they copy/paste the latest shitpost copypasta dreamt up by those sorry excuses for cut-rate memers over at reddit. The Meme Game is rough, kid, and I don't just mean the one you just lost :^). It's a rough business, and for every artisan meme you craft in your meme bakery, some cocksucker at 9gag has a picture of a duck or some shit that a million different Johnny No-Names will attach a milion different captions to. Chin up, kid. Don't get all mopey on me. You've got skill. You've got talent. You just need to show your drive.
See you on the boards...
>>37656511
bretty good desu
So I'm at the gym the other day and this Chad is there hitting on girls instead of lifting. Hitting on girls? Motherfucker, in my day, we went to the gym to, you know, LIFT.
So I'm at the gym and I'm about to work out, but I notice there's no kegel machine! How am I supposed to exercise my bagina without a kegel machine?
>So what is the deal with this Crossfit? I mean do they call it that because you'll hang on a cross from doing it? I mean what is the deal??
So I'm at the gym the other day and this Chad is there hitting on girls instead of lifting. Hitting on girls? Motherfucker, in my day, we went to the gym to, you know, LIFT.
>>37656940
if seinfeld ran today, kramer would totally be doing crossfit. in fact, he would've invented it and had his idea stolen from him
>>37656507
so I decided to get a gym membership since apparently according to my doctor sucking dick is not a good form of exercise, I just wish he told me before I had his cock in my mouth.
>>37656863
lel i couldnt even make out who the picture was but i knew it was amy jewmer straight away from the text
>>37657336
So anyway I get to the gym and since I haven't had sex with anyone in here yet I didn't know anyone to ask for a tour, so I decided to hop on the treadmill. After around 4 minutes of running at 3.0mph on the treadmill some big shirtless black dude gets on the teadmill infront of me. After 2 more minutes of mph 3 running im dying and im sweating all over, especially out of my vagina. I figured I needed some anti-antiperspirant so I didn't get dehydrated so I went to the lockeroom and went inside the showers, APPARENTLY I accidentally walked into the mens bathroom into an occupied shower! anyway 15 minutes later my vaginal sweating is gone and I get back on the treadmill.
>>37657429
Dont you gals hate it when you sucked all the dudes off from the gym and have no one new to fuck so you gotta resort to old meat?
>>37657446
I got banned from the gym guys.... Apparently fucking some dude on while he is Bench Pressing isn't legitimate exercise
>>37657467
So I see some dude doing some dumb bell curls. The dudes pretty hot, but I decide to ignore him so I can get healthy. Im doing some toe touch stretches in the dress im wearing now, as its very comfortable, when I notice I accidentally started doing it infront of him!. Long story short sweaty cock doesnt taste that good.
>>37656954
Kek
Include me in screencap
>>37656599
im ded
>>37657506
>>37657506
whoever started the rumor, steriod users have small cocks must have been LOOSE, because out of all the dick ive taken all of my top 10 fucks have all taken steroids...I think... its hard to keep track, right ladies?
>>37657429
>
>>37657446
>>37657467
>>37657506
fuck off piglet
>>37657514
No.
>>37657546
I hate when I accidentally fuck my gym receptionist and then he get's all clingy asking for a relationship
>>37656571
Kek
>>37656522
Kekd at this one
Rest were pretty garbage desu
>>37657562
so my gym crush hasn't asked for my number in the 2 weeks ive been texting at the gym, I did the only rational thing in this situation, I slipped some roofies into his protein shake. Long story short white dick isn't what you always expect it to be.
>>37657585
Apparently fucking all the dudes in the gym isn't impressive to put on your resume
>>37657610
So some dude came up to me and said "great starting strength progress", I didnt know what he meant by it but I learned he has premature ejaculation problems
>>37656507
Nothing to add just want to be on the /r/4chan screenshot.
Hi future Brian!
>>37656507
>>37656511
>>37656522
>>37656535
>>37656551
>>37656571
>>37656585
>>37656599
>"Did you shee thish? Did you hear about thish?"
>>37656954
Best post
>>37657625
So I was using the vagina machine when I noticed a weird smell but I didn't think it was coming from me because women cannot do wrong. I realized how my legs were acting as a peusdo vaginal musk fan! Still can't piece together why the dude on the machine infront of me took a sudden nap out of nowhere.
>>37657682
Apparently going to the gym naked isn't proper gym attire.
Fuck you LA Fitness, jokes on you though, all your members in my local area has seen my "improper" attire at my home gym!
>>37657514
t. reddit
>>37657703
Thanks Schumer for your warm up
Anyway, so I smoke a joint before I went to the gym. You might be thinking NO WAY that helped your exercise! Well the J was so fat I forgot to get gas! I had to walk all the way to the gas station high as shit with red eyes! Man I was sweating more than Anne Frank during at the end of her dairy! eueueueeueu Man the worst part is I forgot to even get gas I was so high. I got a big fat slushy and called Franco to pick me up. eueueueue We smoked another J in his car and he dropped me off at my house. eueueueu shit was cash.
>>37657779
[forgot pic] >>37657703
Why is it the best exercise in the weightlifting world called the deadlift? isn't that what im trying to avoid?
>american """"""""""""""""entertainment""""""""""""""""
>>37657843
time for some Australian entertainment!
Im natty
>>37657843
saying negative things about the greatest country of all time, kek
>inb4 amerilard cunt yank bluhblobloblablablalbalblabllablalblalbala xDXDXDXD
I'm a yuropean, sadly.
But America is better than all the other countries in the world combined.
And has more culture than all the other countries in the world combined.
Anti-Americans will never make it.
>>37656750
This always hurts to read.
>>37657881
Because it quit being funny the first 5 times it was posted.
>my supplements are proven to work by myself and all my muscles come from hard work and lots of protein scoops
>>37657876
t. John Johnson
>>37657779
dude Gym weed, lmao
>>37656507
>As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a Chad. To me, being a Chad was better than being President of the United States. Even before I first read Starting Strength, I knew I wanted to be a part of them. It was there that I knew that I belonged. To me, it meant being a sick cunt in a gym that was full of dyels. They weren't like anybody else. I mean, they did whatever. They maxed out without reracking their weights. In the summer, when they slammed Stacey with her yelling rape, nobody ever called the cops.
>>37657947
>Imagine if... Imagine... (huehuehue)
>You smoked... (huehue)
>You smoked WEED at the GYM.
<Danny McBride and Jonah Hill break out into uproarious laughter>
>>37656507
>We train young men to lift heavy at the gym, but their trainers at planet fitness won't allow them to write grunt when deadlifting because it's obscene!
>>37658143
>>37658129
>implying jonah hill would understand any jokes about the gym
>>37657625
>>37658362
This is Roger estep not Rip
>>37658293
Jonah Hill lost a lot of weight and was starting to look good for a minute
Then he was typecasted as "fat nerd jew" forever. The end.
>>37658607
this fucker needs to fix his knock knees.
god it's heinous
>>37658641
Fat people obviously dont care about their health
>>37658607
>be fat and get pity roles
>be attractive and have to find a new niche in hollywood
HMMMM
What's the deal with dumb bells? Their not dumb, and their not bells!
>>37657562
WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE WEARING
>>37662908
>their
>>37663092
Her dominatrix suit.
![mitch-hedberg-2[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/0ntX25z.jpg "mitch-hedberg-2[1].jpg")
I haven't lifted for days. That would be way too long.... alright
I'm gettin old man. It's true! Other day I tried to go lift some WEIGHTS! I went to the gym, get into the mothafucka, COLOSSAL white woman behind the counter. Folks, I am telling you, this bitch was THREE BITCHES! I walk up to this woman, and the first thing she says to me... FIRST THING!
>(white voice) "*gasp* Mr. Chappelle! Welcome to Planet Fitness... would you like some pizza?"
I could not believe my EARS! ... but I COULD believe my eyes.
She asked me if I wanted pizza, I said "Ma'am, do you know how well niggas fare in nature these days? Mm-mmm. Rule number one, you don't take food from an animal bigger than you."
JONAH WAS A WHITE MAN! Aint no nigga gonna get lost in a whale, are you crazy? Anyways I said that, snatched a slice, and RAN OUT THE MOTHA FUCKA! HAHAAAA!
>>37663683
Holy shit thats good, didnt get the last part tho
*guitar playing*
Bench press is great exercise if you want to push things off you when you're laying down. But what if you want to push something when you're standing up?
I like to go to the gym and push people around. As part of my work out. It's efficient because I'm-
1) I'm working out my pecs, and-
2) Supersetting with cardio when they chase me around trying to beat the shit out me.
Although it's more HIIT, because they always do catch me. But now I have this sweet limp. Chicks dig limps.
>oh my god are you okay? How'd you get that limp?
>oh you know... working out *wink*
>>37663721
Jonah, the guy who got eaten by a whale in the bible
>>37663534
Lel
>Ron Funches. If you haven't seen him, he has verrry slow delivery, to the point where he almost seems like he's on tranqs
I've never been to the gymnasium. It's scary. There's loud noises, bad music, and men that are larger than me.
That shouldn't be possible, physically speaking. If you're bigger than me and all you got is muscle, I'd like to know where you get your drugs. Cus I need some. Not necessarily your drugs, but drugs none the less. *big fuckin smile*
I tried ringing the barbell but the bartender never came
Which is weird cause I swear I felt stupider after using the dumbell
>>37663756
10/10
I'm 33 now, which is pointless. The most interesting thing about being 33 is feeling all the things in my body that are starting to creak and get old. I feel like I'm slowly turning into a Scooby Doo amusement park. The ferris wheel has screws falling out of it, there's trap doors everywhere, it's awful. I feel like the threat of a small hippie making two quintuple decker sandwiches for him and his dog in my colon is getting greater and greater every day.
So I went to the doctor and he told me
>You should exercise more
Ah, yes. More. That's probably wise seeing as my version of exercise right now is sitting home watching Law and Order: SVU and checking my heart rate as the plot thickens.
>>37663756
I miss his show
>>37663756
lel
What's the point of lifting anyways, you're just gonna die anyways
*cue uncomfortable laughter from audience*
Can you guess
> You ever hear about these ehhh gym goers?
> Y'know?
> Gym goers?
> I call them that on account of they're people that are ehhhh goers to the gym, y'know?
> Apparently some fuckin' guy owns a place and hundreds of these gym goers go to move heavy things for him
> Not light things, y'know
> But real fuckin heavy things
> And get this, he gets all these gym goers
> (These people that are goers to his gym, y'know?)
> He gets them to pay him for their time
> I mean what the h, I might be an old chunk of coal but I know a bad deal when I see one, y'know?
>>37667818
What's the point of lifting anyways? to look good naked? My wifes bull already looks good enough to make her cum, whats the point of spending years at the gym when I can drink and play with my wife's daughter?
>>37668082
Hannibal burres. DUDE WEED LMAO
>>37668082
Norm Macdonald
>>37668255
you got it
>>37668307
That was pretty well written. I never realized how often Norm said "on account of" until I read that and it clicked who it was.
>>37663534
kek
This was funny up till Schumer meme
>>37663756
Fucking spot on accurate kek
Nobody likes a bro who curls in the squat rack. NOBDOY LIKES A BRO WHO CURLS IN THE SQUAT RACK. NOBODY. NOBODY LIKES IT.
When bros curl in the squat rack nobody likes it. We're all tired of it. YES. We are all Tired of bros who curl in the squat rack because nobody likes a bro who curls in the squat rack. You know who curls in the squat rack? You know who curls in the squat rack.
George.
W.
Bush.
That's right. George W. Bush curls in the squat rack and nobody likes a bro who curls in the squat rack. That ain't right. That ain't right.
good thread
>>37668467
>This was funny up till Schumer meme
>unfunny 'chumer
>meme
>>37668626
Good job monkey. Keep dancin' for me.
>>37668688
>he thinks its just one dude ("monkey") writing these up
Greetings Reddit
>>37668082
Bill Burr
>>37658129
>tfw take dabs in between sets
Homegym masterrace
>>37668082
Seconding bill burr
>>37668707
>he doesn't refer to Chris Rock and other black entertainers as dancing monkeys.
Hello tumblr.
>>37669311
>>37669562
He already said it's norm macdonald.
>>37657827
Underrated. Read in his voice.
This thread needs less Amy Schumer jokes. She sucks so hard that even jokes about her jokes get stale quickly
>>37669584
Nah man, deffo bill burr
>>37656954
>>37663910
Pretty accurate m8 7/10
>>37663851
Perfect
>>37669623
deffo norm, on account of I wrote it
>>37657546
HmmRight ladieshmmnn? with that retarded voice
>>37657651
Hello faggot capping this
YEAH, I work out, I just don't like to admit it because then everyone accuses me of using steroids. Look, just because you are 5 foot nothing and weigh 130 lbs doesn't mean I use steroids, GROW UP. Also dead babies. No homo
>>37669837
I disagree with you.
>>37656829
Louis C(uc)K went to the gym to suck black dicks
So I was deadlifting 2plaet the other day after taking alpha brain and shroomtech when it occurred to me: why aren't we training gorillas to compete in powerlifting? Did you know chimps can funk you up? Can you imagine if Bigfoot showed up to a meet? That's CRAZY
http://www.cc.com/video-clips/u8h5h4/comedy-central-presents-the-gym
>>37657429
>especially out of my vagina
I died
>>37657562
>not saying that the receptionist starts asking for tips
>>37669935
is this funny?
>>37668185
Absolute perfection
>>37669610
The joke is that she IS a joke.
>>37669567
>implying a moon cricket typed it out in the first place
Hello new friend :^)
>>37670037
Not him but I'm pretty sure he was referring to Chris Rock, summerdyel. K bye.
>>37669977
>>37670062
It doesn't make fucking sense to respond to the post and direct his message to the persona rather than the poster
>not him
Sure buddy
>>37670099
Didn't mean to get the response to MMA Radio man, but anyway the point is that he is not funny
>>37656954
>>37657827
>>37663534
>>37663683
>>37663756
>>37663851
Jesus fuck 10/10
>>37668185
>>37670099
you're a crybaby nigga
>>37656863
Kek
>>37656571
Holy shit
>>37670118
(^:
:^)
>>37669935
100 percent man
>>37670152
You don't know what damage control means do you?
>>37670225
He clearly does
>>37670152
>>37670225
You're both losers but it's obvious you were samefagging when you said >not him
>>37670240
>he
>>37670252
Fuck off summerdyel.
>>37658641
How do you fix knock knees
>>37670845
>oh no! someone caught me samefagging! What should I do? Oh I know! I will accuse everyone else in the thread of samefagging!
Are you for real my man?
>>37671057
Hey not him but you sound like a little bitch. Don't bother replying I'm leaving this thread. Bye.
[X] Served
[ ] Not Served
>>37671099
>I'm not him but I am gonna defend him and let you know I will leave the thread after defending that post which was totally not made by me
Oh man I am glad I keep checking up on this, you're a funny dude. I hope you come back, I mean I hope another random stranger who is totally not you comes in to defend you :^)))))))
>>37671337
Oh you must be another random stranger to come defend that guy right? This other totally different guy said he wouldn't come back so you can't be him either, that's impossible :^D
>>37671337
>>37671209
>I'm leaving this thread
>returns to the thread
>>37669545
Dear God how
>>37656954
Just got this one, holy shit I'm slow. Even funnier than a real Schumer "joke".
>>37671446
>tells people to fuck off
>calls them summerfag dyels
>tells people go back to rebbit
>samefagging like 4 times
And I'm the mad one? Sure bud ;^)
Either you are an A+ quality shitposting Aussie who baited me hard, or you have legitimate diagnosed problems
>>37671099
holy shit you have actual autism
>>37671497
esplain pls
Cool thread.....which autistic comedian decided to post on /fit?
>>37671860
>he thinks its just one guy
>>37672050
>he's this summer and dyel
>>37672071
>its a newfag cant imagine anyone creating OC because he always shitposts episode
>>37672092
(You)
*cough*
dyel
*cough*
Oh man, excuse me. My allergies.
>>37671700
she steals jokes because she's an unfunny whore
This thread is legensary
>>37672451
>sary
I appreciate the Leno part of this thread.
>>37671850
>>37671534
>>37671513
>>37671446
>>37671360
>>37671352
>>37671337
>>37671209
>>37671099
>>37671057
>>37670845
>>37670910
>>37670240
>>37670252
>>37670225
>>37670210
>>37670152
>>37670146
>>37670118
>>37670099
>>37670062
>>37670037
>>37669567
>>37668707
>>37668688
I don't know who's jewing who any more.
Are you all samefags?
Anyways had a good laugh
>>37673209
I'd appreciate my dick in her
>>37668082
could be burr, could be dice.
>>37673245
I'd appreciate your dick on top of my dick
![rofl-walking-600x419[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/A7A4fGi.jpg "rofl-walking-600x419[1].jpg")
>>37663683
>Folks, I am telling you, this bitch was THREE BITCHES!
10/10, that's perfect Chappelle right there
>>37671099
I'll choke your faggot ass out
>>37656829
>No cuck jokes
0/10
>>37675369
square up nigga
>>37657827
the best
>>37663756
Kek
>>37663683
It's almost like im there in africa with him
HICKORY DICKORY DOCK
SUCK MY DICK
ISLEY. OH!
>>37658607
he looks terrible in both images
