i'm a cookie cutter porn addict manlet faggot zyzz wannabe ask me anything

>>37260569

>THE ANTS ARE BACK

>>37260569
I used to do that OP... I don't any more though. are you okay? I love you... make good gains for me okay?

>>37260596
That actually made me smile thank you, but to answer your question no.

Do you ever just hate yourself so much but you don't know why, and you kind of want to find out why you hate yourself so much but not really because you're afraid of the answer? That's basically my mood right now. But thank you anon, I love you too.

>>37260646
:)

Hmm, I've had a lot of feelings of self hate, but I've never really cared to know why. I've always chalked it up to being ugly and autistic (not actually, just figuratively)

Why do you think you hate yourself?

>>37260687
ah sorry for the late reply.

And honestly I've been guessing it stems from whole sexual molestation I faced when I was younger? But at this point in my life I've kinda stopped caring that it happened. No use crying over shit in the past I guess. So I really don't know.

>>37260569
I've written my suicide note. Had it in a Ziploc bag with a safety pin to pin to myself so it wouldn't get fucked up, a sign for the door warning what was probably on the other side, and was going to call the cops and tell them where to come find me so there wasn't any danger of someone I love walking in on the scene.

I obv didn't do it, now I'm medicated and life isn't perfect but it's pretty good and I'm glad I stuck around for it

>>37261205
I want to give you a hug man :( I'm sorry

I've heard that that shit could have long term side effects. What I'd do is just lift the pain away and talk to a therapist. We're all gonna make it bro

>>37261253
proud of you anon! <3

>>37261266
y-you too

take your damn fish oil
>https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/complementary-medicine/201007/fish-oil-effective-depression-without-causing-sexual-dysfunction
>https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-the-zone/201201/anxiety-and-omega-3-fatty-acids

Been going to therapy to deal with my anxiety, think I found the cause.

I've long suspected I was abused. Been feeling dizzy and lightheaded since I read up about the signs and symptoms.

I'm also going bald, I think.

>not sure which is worse
>lolz

>Inb4 r9k
I realized that alcohol and weed were actually causing me to depressed even though I didn't think I was doing either that much.
I think it creeps into my dreams because I'll have these vivid accounts of being with these women that I love and I wake up alone. I was floating in the water the other day with my friends and I felt kind of felt like I just had woken up- like the beginning scene in inception- just sort of floating through the days searching for reason or excitement; I realized that working out isn't about vanity, its my meditation. Its become a large part of how I find determination for progressing in life.

If I could give out advice, is to train yourself your brain and your mind, and try to not fill it with poison I.E. The shitty opinions of others or drugs if you can.

I just assume I have more first hand experience with mental health problems than most of the people I meet, it's like a badge of honour for me.

I've had experiences, often with the help of drugs, of derealisation, deep and long-lasting depression, week long manic episodes, delusions of grandeur (including a messiah complex), pronoid and paranoid delusions, and psychosis.

The sense of pride comes from being able to hide it all well. I've against the current of madness without ever drowning. I've come close a few times. Like being in a shopping center and wanting to start throwing things around. An unbearable internal rage consisting of fantasies of mass murder.

I've stopped using drugs, though, and these days I feel I'm a lot better. There are still some residual effects, a small part of me still contemplates the delusions I once thought were real. While I don't fully commit to the delusions, I don't completely doubt them. I've stopped crying, which some would think is bad for mental health, I'm not sure though. To me it feels like crying is self-indulgent, and unhelpful. It's almost vulgar to me. I think it's no coincidence that whenever I feel like crying I also get urges to have a cigarette or eat junk food, both being habits I've kicked.

I want to be as strong as I possibly can be, and part of me thinks barraging myself with so much mental stress is an important step on that journey. I have a lot of mental fortitude, now I work on physical fortitude.