funniest chick tract panels
Go
>>79149622
It's hard to believe that the author is completely serious
>>79151182
Thats what happens when you are crazy, your serious comes across as satire because its so nonsensical.
A classic
>>79151232
I'd fuck Tylers mom
>>79151182
It's very easy for me to believe it. I was raised a Southern Baptist and this is exactly the type of stuff my parents and their church believe. The only difference is how much more preachy the tracts are (since that's the point of tracts).
I asked my mom for D&D once and she said no because it apparently involves devil worship. She's normally a fairly smart person, but all that goes out the window for anything intersecting with her faith. Religion is crazy powerful when it's all you know and questioning it is sinful.
>>79151232
>This is what Chick thinks atheists actually believe
we have them also in Estonia.. religious people always give me their stuff on the street.. I like these comics tho..
>>79151271
he read 1984 once and it hurt him. doublethink was too similar to the kind of faith he practiced, and the only way out was to project that onto atheists
>>79151271
>Implying this isn't what I actually believe.
See all you faggots down on Earth when I rule the cosmos.
>>79151232
And then he became God. And that's where Genesis starts!
>>79151324
Praise anon
>>79151232
>God isn't real
>Become God
>Cease to exist
>>79149622
I find it hilarious how they take old tracts and redraw all the characters into being back without changing the plot or dialogue in an attempt to appeal to black people.
>>79151379
Well they are pretty racist generally
>>79151232
Look at his eyes! The ascension has already begun!
>>79151603
Can't really blame the judge for firing him
>>79149622
The bible reloaded dubs on chich tracts are fucking gold.
>>79151735
Yeah. I like those panels because even though the judge is supposed to be the bad guy of the story, that scene just makes him look kinda cool. He's unable to move or speak, yet he still manages to tell off the guy who comes lecture him.
>>79151885
How can people say they live their live by such an outdated book where its shown as incredibly moral to hand your virgin daughters over to rape gangs? Or murder people and steal their women to make into your own slave wives?
>>79151603
Badass Motherfucker
>>79151885
Damn, look at He-Man banging on that door! He really wants that supple man-ass!
>>79151885
For me, it's just that the way that guy looks sort of deranged the way he just launches into this speil of scripture, not to mention the content of passage, so his boss fires him for coming across like a lunatic
>>79151232
I WILL BECOME THE GOD OF THE NEW WORLD
>>79151955
I can't recall if he knew they were angels or not. Still kinda fucked
>>79152443
why would angels be interested in virgin pussy?
>>79152480
Not the guys outside, the ones inside that Lot was trying to protect. iirc they revealed themselves and killed all the people outside
>>79151232
Well, it's not as if the modern world didn't already work like that, atheism or no atheism.
>>79152497
Oh, sorry, I just thought that sending angels pretending they were going to rape your visitors to test a man's faith sounded a lot like something old testament god would do.
>>79152443
>>79152480
>>79152497
You guys don't know the story of Sodom and Gomorrah? It's a classic. This is all 100% true according to the Bible.
Sodom and Gomorrah were two cities. God didn't like them because they were wicked or something so he decided to destroy them. Abraham was like "what if there are innocent people there?" and so God sent two angels to find non-wicked people and warn them about the destruction of the city.
So these two angels go into town disguised as humans and this dude named Lot invites them into his house and doesn't even rape them. Then this mob forms outside and is like "Lot, give us those hot strangers so we can fuck them". But Lot's a better host than that so he says no. Instead he offers the angry mob his two virgin daughters to fuck instead. Totally normal.
Then the angels blinded the mob with their angel magic before the rape could happen. And they were like "Lot, you're such a great guy that we're giving you advanced notice about your city blowing up. You gotta get out of here. P.S. don't look behind you when you're leaving the city."
So Lot takes his wife and daughters to leave. But his wife turns to look back at the city so God turns her into a pillar of salt. He was into weird punishments back then.
So now Lot's daughters are living out in the middle of nowhere because their city blew up. But they wanted to reproduce so their family line wouldn't die out. So they got Lot drunk and raped him to get a kid.
I typed all of this out and then realized that Brad Neely already explained this all much better than I could. Everyone should watch this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bar3GOzDNzg
>>79152808
It does honestly. My favorite old testament story is the one where a girl gets raped so her brothers go to the city of the man who raped her and say it was no big deal. They leave wine and all the men in the city get really druck, and later that night the brothers come back and cut off all their foreskins
>>79151885
Taking care of your guests is serious business, anon. "You can have my daughters, but please don't harm the guests" is what he's trying to say.
And then the guests turned out to be angels. Close call there, huh?
>>79152985
Wait fuck, I meant to quote >>79151955
>>79152848
Mine is Samson. Because there's no moral lesson besides, "don't trust women" and is basically just the adventures of a dude with super powers murdering people over and over.
>>79152985
and your reward is virgin incest pussy
>>79152848
That one was a metaphor I think, for joining the faith.
My favourite
>>79152836
Couldn't God have just used his God vision to find the Innocent people?
>>79153373
God's omniscient, but not THAT omniscient, Anon!
>>79153373
>Make your own tools
>Don't use them
Your logic.
>>79153373
Shit, inconsistent writing. Plus Old Testament God was a little light on the omnipotence and omniscience field. He didn't instantly know that Eve ate the apple, for example, and needed to put people to tests of faith all the time in order to reassure himself he was doing a good job.
>>79151232
>Vivec origin story
>>79151955
Because most people just accept without knowing what anything is about.
Less than 8% of all the uses of "know" in the bible are sexual and the same word is used for just you know knowing someone.
And when you look at it from the Jewish tradition the crime here isn't homosexuality (it sn't speaking as a catholic theological student) their crime was being inhospitable.
A lot of people misinterpret the passage as being about the gays, seriously fuck the Protestants.
Basically second to murder not being good to your guests was worst crime.
>>79152836
Neely doesn't get it. The same way most people don't get what the book of Job is actually about.
>>79153373
Omniscience was a value assigned to God as a de facto after people agreed he was outside of time, it's just people forget the solutions and only remember the answers.
>>79153561
>>79153535
The Old Testament is stupid because Primitive Hebrew goatherder culture is not something you should look to for morality.
Cutting up a boy's dick as a baby for instance, in America even non-jewish people have been hooked into doing it for no reason when its just a pointless cosmetic surgery with all the inherent risks of complications or afteraffects that entails.
>>79153610
Bullshit circumcision is done because it promotes cleanliness and there's less risk of getting infections
>>79153633
Thats not true at all.
>>79153535
Homosexuality was a crime punishable by stoning to death in the old testament gay boy
>>79153667
You would say that yuropoor. Enjoy your staff and yeast infections
>>79153373
Nigga the bible is made by multiple ancient bendis
>>79153561
What's it about?
>>79153373
That wasn't the point at all. Of course he knew that everybody in those cities were bad. But he was proving to Lot that he was righteous and that he wouldn't kill the good with the bad.
>>79153710
Job is about whether humans serve God for their own personal needs or because they love him. Job proved that humans can love God despite trials and tribulations.
>>79149622
fat cook.jpg
Also here's a not-funny tract suppressed from the Chick site itself
http://www.fmh-child.org/Lisa.html
I think "This better be good or I jump" is the funniest one due to its morbidly casual attitude toward suicide.
>>79153753
Except God put him through those trials and tribulations, for his own ego making a casual bet with one of his subordinates.
That is an inherently unhealthy and dysfunctional relationship.
>>79153762
Lisa?
>>79153753
God is an abusive dick.
>How can I know my kids love me if I don't beat them to death once in a while.
Always funny seeing someone trying to reconcile god's antics with his alleged all-loving.
>>79153787
>>79153825
No God did not put him through anything. That was Satan who did that bad stuff to Job, God merely allowed it. In the end Job was blessed with far more than what he had in the beginning. All this "bet" was not just for Job. This was an allegation Satan was making against the whole human race
>>79151885
>no one can fuck my strange guests
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bar3GOzDNzg
>>79153837
>That was Satan who did that bad stuff to Job, God merely allowed it.
This, that's how free will works. We're all free to get fucked whether we like it or not.
>In the end Job was blessed with far more than what he had in the beginning.
Right, who needs their old dead kids when they can just have new ones! What a great story.
>>79153295
It's funny because this has happened before in the music industry. Suge Knight admitted to paying somebody to prick Eazy E with an AIDS needle.
>>79153837
Except all the dead family stayed dead, none of the horrors that were done to Job were undone. God just gave Job some candy after he let his subordinate have his fun with his asshole, which is a common abuse tactic where you give a little after putting them through harm so they can tell themselves you still care for them and are actually a good person.
You are a horrible person for supporting textbook examples of such behavior and even holding it up as something good.
>>79153674
Yes and? Being inhospitable was worse.
>>79153753
It's also in a broader sense about how the notion of temporal judgement is unhealthy, or basically believing in karma can cause horrible problems.
>>79153825
>>79153787
>current year
>not knowing that most religions have long since not taken these things as literal
It's not about god it's about the human condition. The point isn't the narrative it was what the writer was trying to say in metaphor.
>>79153762
holy shit so it is alright that lisa was getting raped and beaten because from now on she won't anymore? Her parents face no repercussion for that shit and repenting means making a prayer, not going to jail? Holy shit that's some fucked up morals right there.
>>79153896
Thats a shitty handwave.
The parts you like are "Gods Holy Word" while the parts you don't are "Just a metaphor".
>>79153880
Well yeah would you rather be babied forever and not have free will to dissent or do ill will onto others if you wanted.
>>79153896
Isn't it actually more about trying to confirm what you think through the writer's words than what they actually meant?
>>79153880
>>79153891
Job knew that his kids will be resurrected. God did nothing wrong what are you talking about? You guys seem to forget that it was humans who brought about this situation when Adam and Eve ate from the tree of knowledge
>>79152836
wow, the Bible kicks ass!
>>79154022
People always seems to forget that Satan brought this allegations about humanity to God in front of the other Angels. So Job provided proof that humans can serve faithfully during the good and the bad to the other Angels not just to God and Satan
>>79153610
Except circumsized dicks don't get smegma
>>79153939
The whole is a metaphor. I don't really get why people have a hard time understanding that no obviously no one was there to see God and the devil play cards. Fuck you think even the Jews believed it I mean they of all people know that Exodus was written before Genesis.
Hell even with the Gospels people forget the they were written after the fact by 3rd hand accounts. It's like the last supper oh my god chances are jesus said that speech ever meal and ot that one time, but let's just put at the end for effect.
But anyway time for me to play assfaggots.
>>79153943
>Well yeah would you rather be babied forever
Isn't god supposed to be like our dad? Why doesn't he protect and baby us then?
>and not have free will to dissent or do ill will onto others if you wanted.
Well I didn't have free will to choose whether or not to eat the fruit in the garden and be auto-damned, I didn't choose to be born either.
Speaking of the garden and dad's, isn't God irresponsible for letting the devil in in the first place? Imagine you were a dad and your one rule for your kids was they couldn't drink or do drugs; would you then allow some older, smooth talking thug into the house under your watch that you know will encourage them to do that kind of shit to test them?
>>79151955
Germany and Sweden must really look up to Lot.
>>79154022
Adam and Eve were not at fault, they were beneath children in their naivety and inexperience, they lacked the knowledge of gods that their maker hoarded from them jealously, and were left alone with a scaly child molester while god sat by and did nothing.
>>79154071
You don't get smegma if you practice basic hygiene, much less extreme that cutting sensitive flesh.
>>79154022
>Job knew that his kids will be resurrected. God did nothing wrong what are you talking about?
Except protect his creation. If he sees the future and the devil knows that he could've just told him what would happen or give him a vision of the future, the Bible would need only to relate the vision.
>You guys seem to forget that it was humans who brought about this situation when Adam and Eve ate from the tree of knowledge
So why do I and the rest of humanity have to pay for what Adam and Eve did? Would God charge the Ice-Man's kids with the deaths of the people he killed?
>>79154022
Job's original family were not resurrected.
>>79154132
You are wrong Adam knew that a talking snake was suspicious and he knew that eating the fruit was forbidden yet he did it anyway. Evidently he cared about his wife more than he cared about God. Maybe he didn't think God would make him a new one
>>79154150
Yeah yeah yeah whatever you say yuropoor
>>79149622
Why is this not a 4chan banner?
>>79154198
Can you really expect anyone to take you seriously when in the same breath you are throwing out shit like yurapoor to anyone that disagrees with you? We're not on /int/.
>>79153849
>Turned into pillars of who knows what other spice
>>79153816
...yeah, actually. If the Lisa in the comic had a brother, it would basically be the background to that game.
I love this guy.
>>79154232
Chill out I am just messing with you and to be honest I was raised extremely religiously. Now that I am older I doubt the Bible and whether the Christian god exists yet I still hate when people talk crap about it despite knowing nothing
>>79154198
If we're talking Jewish-faith Adam, then he already knew that God would make him a new wife when the current one was defective. Lilith was a thing after all.
>>79154340
Its Harold Penisman!
>>79154340
>>79154469
>>Not the Tingle edit
>>79153295
This makes it sound like he's going to rape him.
>>79154097
Well one the I didn't chose to be born is literally the argument of teenagers and ignores the fact that even you'd have to be born to even have free will. 2 not even the Jew thought Genesis was real although I guess blame the mileu for the lack of irony detection.
>>79154224
Not horizontal enough
>>79154198
Adam was probably getting pretty bored, given that he was thrown on to the Earth, told to do whatever he wanted, except eat the fruit from the one tree. He was probably holding off because, you know, don't fuck with God, but once Eve ate the fruit and didn't melt or blow up or turn black or whatever, he probably thought "well, fuck it, Eve was fine. Maybe I'm supposed to eat the fruit."
Kind of fucks up the cooperative nature of the whole affair when you think about it. God could have banished Eve and made Adam a new wife, and Adam would have a good reason as to why NOT to eat the fucking fruit, since he saw his last wife get banished for it, but God was enough of a dick to wait until they had both eaten the fruit before saying "ya dun fucked up boyeee".
>>79154752
>ignores the fact that even you'd have to be born to even have free will
You don't need free will to be unable to consent. animal cruelty laws are in place because we agreed that just because animals don't have free will doesn't mean we should treat them like objects
>>79151885
>>79154848
Those homos are certainly displaying an extreme thirst
>>79154156
God punishes children for their parent's crimes all the time in the Bible.
>>79154941
>Noah gets drunk off his ass
>Ham accidentally sees him naked
>God does nothing to Ham and punishes Ham's son Canaan (and only Canaan, the rest of Ham's children are exempt) with the curse of forever being servants of Shem and his descendants
>Americans later claim that Black people are descendants of Canaan and therefore its OK to enslave them because Ham once accidentally saw his father naked
>>79154848
Wait, that one was too classy. Got to be less subtle.
>>79154752
>Well one the I didn't chose to be born is literally the argument of teenagers and ignores the fact that even you'd have to be born to even have free will.
But living is forced on us. We don't have the ability to opt out of creation and existence without bringing judgement on ourselves.
>2 not even the Jew thought Genesis was real although I guess blame the mileu for the lack of irony detection.
I'm cool with Genesis being allegorical, that just means the Bible has even less answers about why we're here and the human condition than people give it credit for.
Jack Chick is like a bizarre evangelical Fletcher Hanks. He loves punishment.
>>79152836
>Abraham was like "what if there are innocent people there?"
Abraham is pretty much my favorite Old Testament character for this reason.
nice
>>79152836
>they got Lot drunk and raped him to get a kid.
That part seemed to be included mainly to stick it to the Moabites and Ammonites, who were claimed to issue from that union.
>>79155402
> Have you considered... hum, not smiting everyone?
>this is how evangelical conservatives view college education
>>79155435
I don't think that's how evolution works
>>79155454
>Professors
>Ever talking to students in class
>In a lecture class
Oh I am laughing
>>79152848
No, no, no. That story is MUCH worse than that.
In the story, the girl - Dina - got seduced/ raped by these guys, but then he tells her family (Jacob and his sons) he'd actually like to marry her. They agree, but they demand they get circumcised so God won't be mad they allowed her to get married to an uncircumcised man.
Amazingly, they concede. He really must have liked her. So they all get circumcised.
And then - the story goes on to say - "On the third day, when they were in tremendous pain, [her brothers] entered the city and killed all the men".
This is one of the biggest dick moves in the entire Bible.
>>79152836
That's hot
>>79153686
You'll never know what it feels like to have a complete penis. And it wasn't even your choice.
I mean, fuck, your parents basically treated you like an animal, didn't they?
>>79151955
Mainly by sticking with the New Testament.
Also, most people are much nicer than their holy books.
>>79155279
>>79155304
Truly baneposting is a divine gift
>>79151250
I've run across maybe one religious person that was weird about DnD. I mentioned I went to a Renaissance fair in costume and the guy got on my case. I explained the appeal ina few sentences and he backed off.
He's not a bad guy.
He was a Beatnik back in the day before Jesus got ahold of him
I was also raised Southern Baptist.
The son of a southern Baptist Preacher actually.In new Jersey
One of the groups I play DnD with Is comprised of Homes schooled conservatives.
And their families are cool with it because homeschoolers love Tolkien apparently.
>>79153943
Why would we need to have the free will to harm other people? For that matter, why do we even have that inclination, if we were made by God, and if God is good?
How can a good God make things that do not function properly?
>>79151955
> shown as incredibly moral to hand your virgin daughters over to rape gang
To be fair. The Bible didn't say it was moral
If you're refering to the Lot thing.
They just said he offered. Because Lot was an asshole
>>79155619
Baneposting crashed a plane in real life
>>79154071
Don't you have access to running water?
>>79154066
I am glad God considers the opinion of his angels about humans so important he justifies mass murder for that reason.
>>79155713
Bane punished all the hotheads he is not a god with mercy
>>79153849
For real, what was God's reasoning for not looking back at Sodom and Gommorah getting fucked up?
Just seems like a dick move to turn you into salt for looking at cool shit.
>>79155454
I love how that whole comic actually follows the I AM SILLY template.
>>79155681
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HeIkk6Yo0s8&t=0m24s
>>79155469
Jack Chick doesn't know how evolution works so he just makes shit up.
>>79155015
Hell, the story of Exodus has all the firstborn children killed to punish Pharaoh.
>>79154426
>>79154426
This guy gets it!
>>79153610
>Cutting up a boy's dick as a baby for instance
Can we not derail another thread with a pointless circumcision debate? There's plenty of other biblical facets to discuss. There's plenty of Jack Chick to go around.
You guys must think you're so hardcore for attacking Christianity.
Meanwhile Muslims are taking over the world.
>>79152836
Correction:
He didn't send the angels to find people.
He sent them to warn them.
Abraham haggled down from "if there are this many righteous men spare the cities
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis%2018:16-33
Its also worth noting Homosexuality isn't portrayed as the biggest issues with the two cities. In fact Its hardly a footnote.
The gangrape, shamelessness, excessive drunkenness and implications of town square orgies seem more pressing.
APOLOGETICS MOTHERFUCKERS
>>79153009
The Old Testament is fun as fuck but it honestly doesn't have that many good moral lessons beyond the baseline ones.
>>79155819
>Meanwhile Muslims are taking over the world.
KEK
If by taking over the world you mean getting shitted on by the US and our bombs, then yeah that's what's happening.
>>79154224
>>79155803
>If you were sexually molested you now probably have an evil spirit possessing you
Classy, Jack.
>>79155823
>The gangrape, shamelessness, excessive drunkenness and implications of town square orgies seem more pressing.
So every kid in the city, and pregnant woman has to die for debauchery? Why didn't Lot have fire rained down on him later on for getting drunk and fucking his kids?
>>79154848
>>79155819
>>79155903
You can't spell therapist without THE RAPIST
>>79155863
I've always been really fond of the book of Hosea.
Its a great model for understanding unconditional love and the way god sees his people
>>79155917
Made me chuckle
>>79155819
>You guys must think you're so hardcore for attacking Christianity.
We're not attacking Christianity, we're pointing out it's basically nonsense and having a bit of a laugh at the same time.
Muslims aren't taking over shit. They are too busy killing each other.
***
Oh yeah...
Tiny Shoes.
The tract: https://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0019/0019_01.asp
The trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fi0VOeWmupY
The movie: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFOA9GwPJH0
It's a no-budget adaptation of the original tract, but it's still a bit misguided. Especially the part where the story is adapted for theurban market.
>>79155819
I don't have a problem with Christianity, I'm just laughing at Jack Chick comics.
>>79155908
Dude, Lot didn't have a say in the matter.
>>79155819
Dude, Im a Christian and I think Chick tracts are hilarious. Hes crazy
>>79155819
We're not attacking christiantiy, just really stupid things. If Islam put out something like Chick Tracts we'd laugh at it too
>>79156003
Seeing as god didn't do anything about his flipper babies he clearly endorsed the actions of his date-rapist incest-loving daughters.
Not to mention all of Adam and Eve's children interbreeding.
>>79155675
Lot and his family were specifically called out as being the only morally decent human beings in the entire city. That's why they were to be spared when the rest of the city was destroyed.
And not only did he offer up his daughters to be raped, they soon after got him drunk and had sex with him.
>>79155908
I don't know what to say apart from their culture was vile evil toxic and apparently God chose a form of small scale genocide.
These passages have never sat all that well with me.
Especially as someone that professes faith and takes the call of Non violence from the New testament pretty seriously.
But I suppose theres the element of faith there. Where I acknowledged that thats the call God made. And if he is truly good, all knowing and all powerful then I have to assume he made the right call.
God has never displayed r shown pleasure in the destruction of anyone.
There is no such passage. But I think one of the problems people have (even in the church) us they treat sin like its an inconvenience something that makes life kind of annoying and awful sometimes.
But if the scriptures are to be believed sin poisoned creation. I corrupted a creation that was once called "good". I separates us from our creator and perverts the good into something unrecognizable.
I think --religiosity aside- we can agree the most dangerous and awful things out there for us and our minds are things that were good or appealing and remade into something else. Its how people manipulate one another.
Its how we went from Rocket science to the fucking atom bomb.
Thats what sin is. Its an unmaking, a twisting and corrupting force that had infected all of creation.
Its not "well I stole from the guy" that was kind of shitty of me. I should probably not do that again"
Also his daughters were idiots.
They thought the fire that rained down on Sodom and Gomorrah had consumed the entire world as they hid in the mountains.
So they had to restart the human race.
So they got their dad drunk
>>79155819
If this was about Islamist tracts we'd be making just as much fun, anon.It's a shame there aren't many Islamist cartoonists, actually
>>79156084
So if Lot passed.
Imagine how terrible the rest of the city must have been
Lot is never portrayed as a saint. He's wrapped up in himself and his security and his home.
He's a decent guy but he's still kind of an asshole
>>79156003
>Dude, Lot didn't have a say in the matter.
Right, like Noah was when he got drunk and took his clothes off? It says Lot "knew" his daughters, that suggests he was active, not that he was passed out.
>>79153907
It's no secret that the Jack Chick tracts are deeply sexist. They look and feel like something that was written in the 50's.
Just look at the D&D one, for example. The evil D&D-playing witches are all girls, and then it's the handsome jockish boy who has to be the voice of reason.
In "Lisa", Jack Chick seems to understand that rape is an irreversible act that often perpetuates itself through intergenerational violence, but he handles the subject with the tact of a four year old. And, trust me, when a girl has just been raped the last thing she wants to hear is "lol give urself to Jesus"
>>79156102
Why even assume there is a god at all?
And, having assumed that, why assume it would take a personal interest in what happens on Earth?
Why, continuing on, assume that it is the god of the Bible?
![a52[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/AN7erEf.jpg "a52[1].jpg")
>>79155513
>This is one of the biggest dick moves in the entire Bible.
>>79152836
>Abraham was like "what if there are innocent people there?"
Abraham actually argued with Yaweh, although he did keep politely asking for Yaweh not to get mad as he continued to question his decisions.
At first, Yaweh said he would spared the city if he could just find 50 decent people. Abraham argued him to 45, then 40, then 30, then 20, and finally down to 10.
>>79151250
>mind bondage spell
That's some serious BDSM going on there.
>>79156156
I promise i do have good answers for these questions. They are important questions to ask . I will return to this thread.
But Im pretty hungover right now.
And I want to make sure I answer them in satisfactory manner.
Give me like an hour
>>79151885
That's some pretty good artwork.
>>79151232
>>79156229
Chick Tract art varies between pretty damn great to 5 year old quality. I dunno if its just one artist or multiple.
>>79156193
How can people claim the Christian God is allpowerful and allknowing but still accept the old testament? He's clearly shown there to be fallible and capable of being corrected by his underlings and at the same time be capable of missing stuff.
Why don't they just reorganize what is canon once again?
>>79151603
>Donald Trump's last words.jpg
>>79156014
Hang on, is he supporting Nostradamus here?
I'd have thought he'd have considered such claims to be witchcraft or devilry.
>>79156252
I think the art quality has degraded over time due to alzheimer's. The guy's old.
>>79151955
>How can people say they live their live by such an outdated book
As with most things in life, people don't follow everything to the letter. They basically do what they agree with, ignore the stuff they don't particularly like, and just try to do what they think is good enough.
>>79156253
Or better yet, why don't we all be Muslim? The Holy and Noble Quran has no errors or inconsistencies.
>>79156253
Because everything is a test.
>>79151250
The one thing I always remember about the bible is that one story. The one where this guy has a very good life and is thankful for it everyday and prays and is good, then Satan says to God "I bet you he wouldn't be so thankful if he had nothing to be thankful for." and then God turns to him and says "OH YEEEEEEEEAH? LOL!" and then kills his children, his wife, his crops and ruins everything this guy works for.
Then the guy still comes back to god like a battered housewife and gives thanks. That's it, he gets nothing back, it was all just to prove a point to satan.
This is the god they believe in, some have such absolute faith to a madman that it's no doubt that fanaticism carries over in real life. I wish Constantine did a better job on the bible revisions back then.
>>79155435
>reddit baby
>>79156335
We're not talking about the Quran though, this is a thread about Chick Tracts and thus Christianity.
If you want to make a thread about that faith look up a muslim cartoonish.
>>79156193
>Abraham actually argued with Yaweh, although he did keep politely asking for Yaweh not to get mad as he continued to question his decisions.
You know, the Old Testament reads a lot differently if you don't read it as taken that the writers assumed God to be a purely benevolent force and instead take it as a guidebook as how not to piss off the guy.
>>79156102
>And if he is truly good, all knowing and all powerful then I have to assume he made the right call.
That's where the trouble comes in. You have to presuppose he did the right thing and look for evidence to support that and ignore evidence to the contrary. In everything else we use evidence first to draw conclusions, except in religion where we do the opposite.
>But if the scriptures are to be believed sin poisoned creation.
Sin can't exist without him having created it. Imagine you're playing a video game, you can't do anything in the game, good or bad that the developer didn't write into the code.
Well God wrote rape, murder, lust, etc into the world and then made it worse by making us capable of wanting to do those things. They didn't need to exist.
>>79156253
He wasn't corrected.
"Is 50 fine"
Yeah sure.
"How about 45"
Sure if there are 45 I'll spare them
"Well ow about a nice around 40"
Abraham is haggling.
That being said God condecending himself in the interest of conversation is pretty nomral Biblicaly speaking.
I mean whats essentially what Jesus was. He condescended himself for 33 years.
I like to picture god as a older reasonable guy.
He knows who is is. But He's not interested in who he is. He's interested in his creation.
There is no ego there. Sure he's more powerful than anything thats ever existed.But he's not going to go on about it all the time and treat you like an idiot because you're not on his level.
>>79156335
That guy sure looks familiar...
>>79156366
Did you watch the South Park version of the Book of Job?
Because the joke there was that Kyle's parents forgot the rest of the story where Job gets everything back he lost and more.
>>79156253
>Why don't they just reorganize what is canon once again?
They couldn't do that now. Back then you could and have more effect because we had iron tyrants in control of shit conquering all and replacing what was with what was made new.
Now you'd do that you'd just have another sect and one that would probably be ostracized by the rest of the population.
>>79156131
>He's a decent guy but he's still kind of an asshole
I think handing over your daughters to a rape mob or getting your parent drunk to have sex with them makes you a little more than an asshole.
The only decent person in the whole family was Lot's wife, and she died because she succumbed to the perfectly reasonable human tendency to sneak a glance at the horrible catastrophe she happened to be running from.
No Chick thread is complete without Lisa
>>79156414
There's nothing reasonable about flooding the Earth.
Its such a retardedly impossible feat to begin with it would have made much more sense if he had been able to just smite all the sinners who offended him individually, which would have avoided the stupid amount of collateral damage.
>>79156366
God didn't do those things. Satan did.
Why is it that half this thread is little else apart from vague recollections from sunday school.
Its not exactly hard to find a bible to crack open.
>>79156481
>>79156495
>>79156507
>>79156366
Actually, God turns to him and says "Go ahead, prove it." and then Satan kills his children, wife, crops, etc.
>That's it, he gets nothing back
Then he gets everything back twofold (Job 42: 10-17), and a new set of children (because he will be reunited with his first children in an earthly/heavenly resurrection, depending on which denomination you ask).
>>79156489
Except Satan only has the power god gave him, and god explicitly allowed him to fuck over Job to show he was right which shouldn't even be required in the first place if god is all knowing.
>>79156571
God knew Job would be faithful, which is why he allowed it to happen. It wasn't about proving it to himself, it was about proving it to Satan and having a record left behind to prove it to all mankind.
>>79156571
but then
>>79156532
>>79156489
>>79156571
>Except Satan only has the power god gave him, and god explicitly allowed him to fuck over Job to show he was right which shouldn't even be required in the first place if god is all knowing.
Dude, you're reaching.
You don't really need to use the roundabout "well he's personally responsible because he created it and then it acted independently." route to show Yaweh being a dick,
There's plenty of examples of Yaweh being a dick directly.
Or at least being more or less no different from any other ancient Near Eastern regional/ethnic deity.
>>79155559
>You'll never know what it feels like to have a complete penis.
I'll never know what it's like to see ultraviolet but I don't think mantis shrimp have it better because they can.
>>79156485
Nothing is impossible with God.
Hallelujah. Amen.
Sorry sorry.. Breaking your balls a little.
>been able to just smite all the sinners who offended him individually
Thats a good point.
Although I think the flood was more about symbolism in that case. A Flood is whole. Consuming. Remakes. Water purifies.
God was pretty upset with the state of affairs.
I suppose the answer Im really giving you is. I don't know. I'm not God.
The old testament is very much rooted in tribal, goatherder overtly patriarchal tradition. And the culture being big on oral tradition Most of it was spread by word of mouth for hundreds of years before it was written down the first time.
I wouldn't be at all surprised if it got messed with in that time.
My belif system is more aligned with the Quaker mindset if anyone is curious.
>>79156622
If someone start beating his wife to prove that she will always love him to his buddy and not just a merryweather paramour, would it make any kind of sense?
>>79156638
Satan in the book of Job isn't Lucifer.
"Satan" is a title meaning "The opponent" or "The Enemy"
Lucifer is the Enemy so his title is Satan, but in the book of Job, Satan is probably just an angel that is still in God's good books, just posing a challenge. He is simply the Opponent in this case.
>>79156644
I've not reaching, I'm stating the facts of the situation. God let Bubba Satan into little Job's bedroom and told him to go nuts on that ass.
Christian God is a super evil character. I can't see worshipping or even liking him except that he forces you to do it with fear. At least Zeus is more honest about being a dick and less self-deluded.
>>79156725
Well technically its Jewish God. New Testament God doesn't really do too much dickery
>>79156725
Yeah Zeus rapes openly, Bibleman just calls it a virgin birth.
>>79156672
That's what separates believers from non-believers, really. Non-believers believe God should be held to human standards. Believers see our relationship with God as a parent-child relationship where, maybe we don't understand why certain things are done or certain rules are in place, but they're in our best interest, so we should follow them.
Not saying you should/shouldn't believe - just laying out the story as it's presented in the Bible.
>>79156711
>I've not reaching, I'm stating the facts of the situation. God let Bubba Satan into little Job's bedroom and told him to go nuts on that ass.
This.
>>79156622
>god killed my children
>does not matter he will give me more
Yahveh does fucking care if he kills innocent children just to prove a point to a entity it even created.
Satan will be like, -well you have a point with this guy Job, let's see if this new guy do the same...
>>79156711
What I'm saying is that the "God allows bad stuff in the world to happen" argument doesn't have as much impact as "God personally does bad stuff in the world."
It's like taking a guy to trial for not moving to save a child from getting hit by a car, when just earlier that morning, he actually ran over a child with his car.
>>79156782
Parents are people too. And so are children. Parental abuse is something that is frowned upon. Hell, even parental neglect.
It's more like cattle and farmer, if anything. Really, Christians think of themselves as sheep.
>>79156252
>I dunno if its just one artist or multiple.
It's multiple.
And guess who makes the ones that are not-so-good?
"Those studying Chick tracts will notice there are two distinct styles of illustrations. One is very flowing and cartoony. That one is Chick himself. The other, mostly used in Chick's full color comic books, is highly detailed and at times photo-realistic. This second uncredited artist has been identified as Fred Carter."
>>79156782
If you couch things as "parent-child" you do know there's such a thing as child abuse, where the terrible things done to the child they don't understand are actually bad things done because the parental relationship is dysfunctional.
>>79151232
>adrian veidt circa 1943
>>79156414
>There is no ego there
Can't tell if serious
>>79156685
Basically, in the original Jewish, Satan is more like God's attorney, and goes around being a dick to people so that God can test them.
There's a big hullabaloo about the name Lucifer being in the bible, since the same phrase that "Lucifer" replaces is also used to refer to Jesus. there's actually an argument that says the KJV, in doing this, denies that Jesus is The Christ.
>>79156878
You're still not getting it. He's saying that Yaweh/God/Allah is Cthulu. You cannot even begin to make sense of his actions.
>>79156532
>he will be reunited with his first children in an earthly/heavenly resurrection, depending on which denomination you ask.
There is absolutely nothing in the book of Job that even HINTS at an afterlife. In fact the book emphatically ends with his death.
>>79156951
Cthulu isn't real, are you saying God isn't real? That he's just a creation of man?
>>79156951
And yet we know for sure I'm supposed to worship him?
Might as well renounce Him. We all know how lovecraftean cultists end up.
>>79151232
I'm pretty sure I already know the answer to this question, but does this asshole and other batshit fundamentalists believe humans are retarded? That they need the guiding light or religion or everyone will just start fucking and murdering each other?
>>79156622
>prove it to all mankind.
Again... serious? Or satire?
>>79156653
That's neither here nor there. I am not a mantis shrimp - I am a man, like you are, except my penis is whole.
>>79156753
New Testament god is the one who has everlasting fire.
>>79156929
So it turned out for the best, after all.
>>79156901
Right, but Christianity operates under the pretense of the parent in question being benevolent and literally the embodiment of love. So in a Christian's mind, they believe that that's the relationship they should have with god.
Like I said, I'm not saying what you should/shouldn't believe, it does/doesn't make sense, etc. That's just the way it's set up.
>>79156942
>Lucifer being in the bible, since the same phrase that "Lucifer" replaces is also used to refer to Jesus
The Morningstar thing?
>>79156964
It couldn't, anon. The whole premise of life after death is based on Jesus' sacrifice, and Jesus didn't come to Earth until way after Job's death.
That's what the rest of the bible is for. Jesus didn't only die for the people who lived after him.
>>79157073
Jesus didn't need to die at all, its a ridiculous song and dance for an all powerful being to do just to appease himself.
>>79151232
Tyler is my hero.
>>79157060
yes, the same specific words in hewbrew are used like four times in the scripture.
There's also use of Lucifer being used to reference John the Baptist and Jesus is refered to it as a title in a few hymns.
Translations fuck up loads of shit, man.
>>79157060
I think that's what he means, i've heard that before
>>79157108
Well, the Quran says the Jews tried to crucify Jesus but failed and so instead of dying he just floated up to Heaven where no Jew could reach him
>>79156993
Doesn't keep people from believing it.
>>And yet we know for sure I'm supposed to worship him?
If you want his "blessings", sure. Most people in the world don't. Just know that people who do are generally operating under the principle that sometimes their deity does things they may not like, but does so for greater reasons than they can comprehend, and they trust that deity to be in the right in the long run.
>>79151232
Seems like fedora-fags to me...
>>79154340
>I love this guy.
He looks fucking amazing, like a golden age superhero or supervillain
>>79156685
Unh, no.
In the jew bible (where the bible came from), Satan and Lucifer ARE two different entities. Satan is the beast of apocalypse who will come to judge mankind once Doomsday hits. Lucifer is the traitor, fallen angel who opposes God.
>>79151232
Ozzymandias secret origin
Here's something to consider /co/, /pol/ managed not only to ruin Ben Garrison's reputation but subsequently to win him over to their side more than he ever was before (seemingly out of a kind of on-line Stockholm syndrome) and he now draws political cartoons that are about as close to their beliefs as possible with being explicitly Nazi.
We're always having a good laugh at Chick tracts, but could we get him to produce a tract about something /co/ related by convincing him it's evil? That shouldn't be too hard if he thinks D&D and rock and roll music are satanic. Superheroes?MLP?
>>79156753
He does. A lot. Just not as much bloodthirsty righteous vengeance upon infidels.
>>79155631
>And their families are cool with it because homeschoolers love Tolkien apparently.
Well, Tolkien is incredibly Christian in it's core. It's not as on the nose as Narnia, but Tolkien consciously was using Christian themes, being a devout Catholic himself.
>>79156753
>>79157310
Didn't he kill some king just because some random peasant said he had a nice voice?
>>79157283
>Lucifer is the traitor, fallen angel who opposes God.
No in the Torah Lucifer is a Babylonian king who fucks up and loses to the jews. You're thinking of Samael who isn't a fallen angel and doesn't oppose god, just tempts man. Lucifer being a fallen angel and the war in heaven being before the end of days is all from Paradise Lost.
>>79154469
kanedaaaa
>>79152480
Who isn't?
>>79151232
>not naming it Young Wesker.jpg
Come on, man.
>>79157426
TETSUOOOOO
>>79157017
That's like a selling point.
>>79151232
>lil Albert Wesker
>>79155819
You know what must be done.
>>79154071
And neither do normal dicks if you just clean it normally. And guess what, the skin also protects it AND it feels better too.
Get fucked up cutfags. You're just sad you're never getting that back.
The kind of people who believe this shit are stupid, hypocritical, and generally awful human beings.
I used to be one.
>>79156519
I came to post this comic. Holy fuck.
>>79151603
So the Antichrist unites the world, but then God kills everyone just so he can install his son/sock puppet as ruler instead?
>>79157723
Go check on your wife, Willis.
>>79155908
The kids and pregnant women were also committing debauchery.
>>79157733
Satan does all the work making people put aside their differences, open trade and demilitarize zones and get everyone working together, so that God can come in and say 'this is mine. I own this now.'
He's a dick.
>>79157758
Tell me more, in graphic detail
>>79153837
Yeah, I can totally see how people on 4chan can see getting raped by your daughters as a blessing.
>ctrl+F
>Darkseid
>0 results
Are you fucking serious
