/ck/ humor thread
>>7700362
? it's just ground beef and a sweet potato
throw some veggies on the side and i'd eat that
>>7700508
lmao
>>7700508
Thats pretty good.
>>7700508
>>7700362
Does anybody have the one of Anon making steak and burning it?
Or when someone made Marie's italian tomato sauce
>>7700719
>>7700721
a classic
>>7700726
this one is the best
>>7700726
>the closest thing I had to dress shoes
I'm fucking dead.
Does anyone have floor chicken?
>>7700778
http://4chandata.org/ck/Find-a-small-piece-of-chicken-on-the-ground-in-my-roomHaven-t-eaten-chicken-in-2-daysStare-at-it-for-awhileeat-itit-tastes-amazing-a258750
Oh wait I found it
Old favorite
I had been out drinking again tonight, it was all I could manage to unlock the door, stumble into the house, then relocking the door, before I stumbled over to the couch and passed out.
It was a dark and stormy night, amongst the raucous of howling wind and errant tree branches striking the house, the sound of the kitchen door's window pane being shattered could hardly be discerned. A gloved hand reaches through and fumbles with the lock before roughly shoving the door open. I remain asleep, oblivious to the outside world.
The figure inspects the interior further, missing my presence on the couch, he proceeds upstairs and down the hall. Reaching the master bedroom, the door is already open a crack, my wife was waiting for me. Entering the room, the figure moved carelessly and hit the dresser with his boot. My wife awakens startled and reaches for the lamp switch, turning it; light floods the room, revealing the gruff visage of the intruder. She screams, but the man is upon her swiftly, he muffles her cry with his hand, he grabs the metal lamp and bludgeons her repeatedly with it, only dropping it after several blows had been dealt. Stepping back, he is confronted with the deed, all he needed was a fix, something to sell, and all too quickly he had become a murderer.
He ran from the scene, with all the speed that he could, through the hall, down the stairs, past my still sleeping figure on the couch, through the kitchen door and out into the darkness.
I awoke approaching noon. Sitting there, rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I scolded myself. I had promised her I wouldn't go to the bar again this week. Getting up, I pass the kitchen archway without looking inside, I climb the stairs and walk down the hall, finally entering the master bedroom. The grisly scene unfurled before my eyes, the stark truth of it obvious even in my hung-over state: my wife had been killed in the most brutal fashion.
If there ever was a reason for an Egg McMuffin, this is it.
holy shit
Other old classics include Sogwich, MSG in Meat/Pain head, PHR Salt...Sceak, Angie. Man, /ck/ was funny back in the day.
Another favorite quote of mine:
Can you grow fruit indoors?
>>Your mom managed to.
>>7700813
tl;dr
>>7700364
Is this a men in black joke?
>>7700837
whats wrong with this? two quarters make a half right?
>>7700364
are those prunes and cheerios?
I must say this one is lost on me even if I did laugh
>>7700852
>steak, egg, and cheese biscuit
I hope he meant bagel. their biscuits suck
>>7700854
>fucking with emotionally fragile 13 year olds and putting the idea in their head that strangers know where you live and could find you and kidnap you if they wanted to
>>7700858
No that's jalapeños Cheerios and cigarettes
>>7700902
Oh okay, thanks.
>>7700723
Top notch.
>>7700837
Frenchfag here, i don't get it.
Why not say half of whatever a cup is.
The OP fucked up but i don't know where...
>>7700944
2.25 cups
not 1/4 cup x2
>>7700879
I know this is a joke but my grandmother legit did this
1/4
2/4
3/4
4/4
>>7700952
...oh, right.
thx
>>7700901
this is the world we live in senpai
>>7700969
>>7700993
I love jack
>>7700999
checked
>>7700362
>he forgot to edit out a (You)
>>7700966
>>7700854
>He never added a diet coke instead of 2 liter Dr Pepper
Wasted oppurtunity tbqh.
>>7700993
beautiful
>>7701008
>people would bother doing this
shameful display
>>7700999
nice digits anon
>>7700508
Haha THATS RICH
>>7701024
ty
>>7701060
filename
>>7700993
>>7700999
>>7701075
>>7700738
>that perfect circular hole
My fucking sides.
>>7701075
this is the least funny post I've ever seen because in includes both jack and cuckk
>>7701066
>Nice try, I can use MS paint
Jack please go.
>>7701157
cuck meme is getting old i don't know how /pol/ is going to keep it up through november
>>7701169
people like you are ruining this board
>>>/b/
>>7701179
>>7701179
Stay mad, retard. You can't just force unfunny garbage like that.
>>7700854
Man the harpoons!
>>7700952
so not enough flour?
>>7701075
>>7701268
haha
>>7701295
please be real
2 slice toaster
what do you do when you only want one piece of toast?
throw in trash
a waste of perfectly good slice of bread
worst "invention" ever
>>7701306
>>7701306
+1
>>7701268
"You've lost the plot, kid"
One of my favorite expressions, from a person who has a fantastic knack for condescending and insulting phrases
>>7700966
>>7701493
I didn't come here to feel.
>taking screencaps of all this unfunny shit
>saving it
>reposting it
You guys are retarded. For real. Yes, seriously.
>>7700886
I like McD's biscuits. Not the greatest obviously but they're not bad.
>>7701551
Yet here you are, so offended you had to angrily slam your sausage fingers on your keyboard to tell us how terrible we are.
Thank you for your post. I think I will seek therapy to see if I can be cured of my retardation for laughing at something on the internet, and then finding them funny enough to want to share with others.
How much therapy did you need to have to be able to live such a joyless life?
Requesting potato math, if anybody screened it.
>>7700850
Warning: This actually makes nucular, not banana cookies
>>7700362
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hthpp-cZOyU
>>7701653
>nucular
wut
>>7700868
Better kill myself before that holiday to america I guess.
>>7701699
Jesus fuck. That shot with the cheese slices is like in horror films where the main character has gotten caught and it the camera pans over the serial killer's array of torture devices.
>>7700984
Wtf man
>>7701802
Roomate jed is a pretty nice story, long while since I read it.
Though I'm pretty sure he missed mentioning that he removed the biker helmet what with his later fuckups and all.
>>7700862
I don't get it
>>7700968
>nobody got where he got the idea for the little gingerman from
Nobody on /ck/ watched Dexter's Laboratory?
>>7701899
Dexter's Lab is for newfags. Anybody on /ck/ is 35 or older
>>7700871
Delete this
>>7700891
>flyover haute cuisine
>>7700738
I still don't understand how this happened. The can exploding shouldn't send the pot upwards, just the lid if it were covered. But then the stove-top also broke as well.
>>7701929
Do exploding cans have that much pressure that it could push the pot down hard enough to shatter the stove-top?
>>7701498
that was me six years ago.
i ended up mixing random spices and dr. pepper and shooting it up with a leftover turkey injector.
was edible/10
>>7701942
good to know
>>7700868
I'm always mystified by these. For four dollars you can literally buy a loaf of bread half a pound of "cheese" and half a pound of butter.
>>7701564
i laughed
>>7701157
>jack and kek
I dunno who he is but there's a mixed drink joke to be had there
>>7701997
does he?
>>7702047
what did he say?
>>7700901
Dumb bitch deserved it tbqhwyf
>>7700988
what's this?
>>7702106
>bloody mary garnished with a bloody mary
>>7702130
Fuck I never noticed that before. 10/10
>>7702193
I've never been one for poop or fart jokes or humor, but when anons write out their elaborate shit experiences, it's so stupidly funny.
>>7702065
I want to see them tho
>>7701070
what the fuck is this shit
>>7700969
how the fuck would they not screen cap more of this?
I want to know what happened!
>>7700792
I don't care if it's fake or not I wish I had a boss that cool.
Somebody have that one thing? A guy calls it his something sauce, it's just a mix of ketchup/mustard and I think soy sauce, but he forces his kids to eat it and they can't eat if they don't use it
>>7702323
quinky sauce
i don't have the image but there's the name
>>7702130
>bloody mary garnished with a bloody mary
lol how did I never noticed that before haha
>>7702193
it was probably second use brownie shake they got
>>7702201
>>7702112
Needs a wa la! Addition.
>Cake Crumb Hot Hot Hot
>>7702430
Do you have the "peppa pig is hot" one?
>>7701918
Never ;)
>>7702651
I thought I did, but nope. Have this instead.
>>7702663
Thanks for the effort, at least.
>>7701493
Why Anon? I came here to laugh, not cry.
>>7702651
>peppa pig is hot
Gotcha senpai.
>>7700364
This looks like art.
>>7702713
Thanks, scro
>>7702713
Holy fuck I didn't see that coming
>>7700988
What the fuck is that and why does it get its own steak
>>7702713
>Rare pork meatballs
jesus christ
>>7702713
>Peppa pig is hot!
B-but anon! That's forbidden love!
>>7700803
Oh christ I remember this
>>7700883
That was a fun thread
>>7700944
europeans should be banned from the board.
christ.
>>7703158
It's not our fault you lot refuse to advance to metric.
>>7702207
Bestiality porn
>>7700837
This thread was golden.
>>7702201
lol rage comics aren't even cool on reddit anymore.
>>7702097
I don't get it
>>7702193
To this day I still don't know what could cause such a reaction. I don't think even a laxative overdose can set your guts on fire, can it?
>>7703203
soda and chips don't for a complete meal make
(not even with a sandwich)
>>7701699
>>7700999
Why? Why use your tongue like that. We don't have dog tongues or something. What the fuck.
>>7703244
The lizard people are real, and they walk among us.
>no one's posted this gem yet
>>7702198
It's the one 4chan reality: greentexts about shitting are most amusing
>>7702112
>how to weave a bacon mat
I want this book
>>7701070
>it's still there
>>7700837
loved that, i am the one who asked him to take a pic of his measuring stuff
from there the thread became what it was :)
was a great night.
>>7701564
>whisk
haha what
>>7703166
Here I'll rewrite it for your dumb ass.
2 1/4 Grams
>>7702193
Fucking saved
>>7702097
that's a pretty solid deal though desu
though pepsi is shite
>>7703414
>any pesi cola product
>>7700508
>not instead getting half a ton of artificial crab meat
>not pretending to make a huge fucking plan with the tristate area involved
>not posting it on /diy/ and then failing to deliver
I'm still a little mad but not really
>>7701831
They have a great sense of humor
>>7701493
Thanks, asshole.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ntv9R1She5A
>>7703241
But it's a great midday meal
Have any of you ever done any food based comedy?
My local grocery store is hosting an open mic. I am going along and have a few Oreo based jokes prepared (I am going in as 'Mr Oreo'. I have a few good ideas even though I lack confident. Do you guys have any experience? What kind of jokes do you like?
>>7701496
>>7700966
It just makes me sad that there are people that autistic on this board.
>>7700721
>be cat
>buy human
>drink water
>oven dies
>>7703549
I'm pretty sure that anon is Jordan Schlansky.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6A8W77m-ZTw
>>7703549
>Not recognising obvious bait and sarcasm
>Calls other people autistic
>>7703560
Buttflustered autist detected
>>7700362
Anybody have anything from old rambling guy? Is he kill now or what?
>>7703224
Do you really want to share a board with people stupid enough to throw ice into hot oil?
>>7703562
It's supposed to be 18+ here, little guy
>>7703178
>lol
>caring about reddit
Underage b&
>>7700726
>cleats
>dress shoes
>>7703243
haha
>>7701941
>2010 was six years ago
>>7703770
>1990 was 37 years ago.
>>7700847
Lost.
>>7700721
Sadmotherfucker is correct here. Everyone else is a fucking idiot.
>>7703804
Sadmotherfucker please go.
>>7703823
oh this makes much more sense. I was wondering how his thought process was so bad, this makes him seem less retarded
>>7703201
Is this the Filipino food pyramid?
Anyone got caps of Moot posts? When he bought the copper pan, etc.
>>7703361
> no animal protein
> semen
Wait a second
>>7703207
underrated
>>7703964
When I was homeless I broke into an empty apartment and actually had to do this.
>>7703973
Why the fuck would you not use a frying pan?
>>7703982
Didn't have one, had just shoplifted the meat and went straight there. I scoured the place for anything flat and metal to use as a substitute but no dice.
>>7704009
>dice
Is that what homeless drug dealers call "cookwear" ?
>>7704019
no dice -> no luck -> common expression unrelated to drugs
>>7704019
>drug dealers
Now you're just buttering me up.
>>7703207
Imagine a radiologist walking in on him doing this.
>>7703964
>>7701268
>,,,,;
What the fuck?
>>7703546
>that image
Oh god. Please no.
>>7703959
>Women knowing how to cook
When will this meme die?
>>7703546
stream it live anon
>>7703797
woah, really makes you think...
somebody please post the one with a trashed house and cream cheese
>>7703797
Sometimes I wish I was as dumb as you. Then I wouldn't be so aware of all the bad things in the world and I could live blissfully chewing on nerf footballs.
>>7700882
For context
>>7703766
>eating desk
Wut
>>7700806
>we tip with a rip
No fucking way.
>>7701699
tfw someone reposts your shitty screencap
>>7703959
Yes, good goy! Hate yourself for being white!
>>7703224
Hah, ever work in a kitchen? Makes for good laughs throwing ice cubes in a fryer just as the dudes gearing up to filter them pesky buggers after a busy night.
Nice hearty laugh at their expense.
>>7701268
Go home Gordon, you're drunk.
>>7703546
If you pulled this off just right, it would be amazing.
