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My supposed "disappearance" during lunch became a juicy tidbit of intrigue, gossip, and amusement for some of my more feeble-minded coworkers.

I was simply going out to eat and did not want to shed attention on the fact that I was *gasp* eating fast food. Self-loathing pedants like to make a simple trip to a fast food restaurant or walking with a fast food bag into a walk of shame.

To assert my independence and exert power over these dimwits by showing that their opinions were meaningless to me, I began bringing my fast food to the lunch area and serving it on tasteful plates and the like.

This of course created a fervor over the last two weeks, culminating with the dregs of the workplace staging a mock "intervention" to mock my eating habits (under the guise of "helping me").

Of course my logic and intelligence were thrown off by this unprofessional display, but I still won by citing the benefits of fast food and refuting their claims, such as:

>fast food is unhealthy
Oh really? I know *exactly* how many calories and what my nutritional intake is when I eat a fast food meal. I take a multivitamin and fiber daily and a famotidine if I have acid reflux. Problem solved.

>fast food tastes bad
The consumers of the billions of fast food meals served would care to disagree.

>home cooking tastes best
Homemade garbage is still garbage. While I enjoy cooking, I am very busy. I can order, be served, and consume my meal within my vehicle in a matter of 15 min on the way to or from my place of employment. This is efficiency at its best.

Face it, fast food is the future of eating. Consistent, fast, available nutritional information, efficient, delicious, and diverse. People who disagree probably would have complained about Gutenberg's press for similar short-sighted and unimaginative reasons that are essentially against progress.

Check mate.