How do I stop my alcoholic housemate stealing my fucking booze?
Put it where he can't find it or lock it up.
>>7191227
Locks
Abus locks
Kryptonite lock
Methanol poisoned booze
Lasers
AIDS
Save a bunch of bottles, put skunk oil and water in all of the old ones.
>tfw I steal my roommate's booze
uh, hide it somewhere in your room?
Locking it up wouldn't stop me unless you use a safe. Your best bet is hiding them and not letting him know you even have booze. If he sees you come home with it, it's already too late.
You're fucked. Drunks are like bloodhounds for that shit.
>>7191227
Hide it in your room, and on it, put a sticky note saying "smile you're on camera" Hopefully he won't go that far to root through your stuff, but if he does, hes going to feel weird as fuck.
Start looking for a new roommate.
If he's stealing your shit, he's not worth staying with.
>having roommates
>>7191369
>being proud of material wealth
>>7191227
develop a taste for shit no one likes(everything that tastes aniseedy or herby and bitter)
>>7191308
This - alkies are the worst you'll need to take drastic measures OP. If you can afford it get a mini-fridge in your room and keep it locked (your room not the fridge, although a lockable mini-fridge would be cash)
add denatured spirits
as others have said, the most important thing is that you hide it and don't let them even see you bring it into the house. if you're looking for a clever hiding place, i know someone who hides their liquor in their car trunk (works if you live somewhere temperate).
>>7191383
I'll steal your absinthe. In fact I'll prioritize your absinthe over other spirits.
I'd leave a 20 though, like Indiana Jones shit.
>>7191227
Punch him in the fucking face.
Lock it up.
Do you own a car? Keep it locked up in the trunk.
>>7191492
seconding this
or isopropyl
>>7191568
isopropyl is no fun, takes too much
>>7191227
Become an even bigger alcoholic.
He can't steal whats not there.
>>7191227
Teach him how to make his own booze. Mead is the simplest
>>7191227
Push him off a bridge. Alckies are very accident prone.
dissolve a bunch of acetaminophen in a bottle and wait for the organ failure
>>7191521
If you live somewhere that's cold enough for alcohol to freeze, you might have bigger problems.
>>7191383
You clearly don't know any boozers. We'll drink fucking anything, and absinthe is a prime target. It's much higher in alcohol content, so we can sip little by little and hope you won't notice.
>>7191227
Have an intervention with his friends and family and assist him in seeking help.
Also, don't buy alcohol in large amounts or just drink when your out.
>>7191227
See a psychiatrist about your dissociative personality disorder.
>>7191227
Kill him.
>>7191227
Tell him you'll stop sucking his cock if he keeps stealing your booze. Stay true to your word, no matter how much you want to suck his cock.
>>7191580
Beer
>>7191227
Don't drink. Nobody thinks you're cool faggot.
>>7192569
>he only does things so people will think he's cool
>>7191227
As an ex-alcy: sorry.
Just hide it really fucking well.
Apply a knorr stockpot paste to the handles of the cabinets to keep them out
>>7192573
>a-alcohol tastes g-good guise. d-do i fit in with the cool kids yet?
Spike your drinks with rubbing alcohol and teach that bitch boy a lesson
>>7192582
>>7192580
>>7192347
>>7191597
>>7191578
>>7191531
>>7191492
Thanks for reminding me old 4chan still exists.
Nobody said piss in a bottle though? That was my first thought.
>>7191227
>keep out one bottle of mount gay
>it is filled with your rank pee
>he will learn a lesson
PROTIP: Make sure nobody else drinks it before he does
>>7192600
FUCK seriously we are two peas in a pod, why would you not pee in a bottle
>>7191227
Keep it wherever you keep the cleaning supplies, guaranteed they'll never find it.
>>7193128
>not filling it with rancid piss and baby oil
It never really starts out as stealing all of your booze. Just one drink he won't mind. Well maybe just one more. Next thing you know, the entire bottle(s) is gone and you're too drunk to care and instead pass out while trying to find more. Like the one person said, if they know you have it, hiding it won't help. Not one bit. If it's there and they know it the house will be thoroughly searched until it's found. You could empty into different containers to hide the fact it is alcohol. That would work until they catch on. They see you bring it home. Tell them don't touch it. When not around, put it into a different container some where and leave the empty out to be seen.
>>7191377
>being unable to sustain ones self.
>>7191227
Just mix a bunch of knorr stockpots into it.
Whenever my flatmates steal my booze, I always just hide it behind my Knorr Stockpots.
Why?
Because Knorr stockpots are absolute rubbish and no one would ever steal them.
You should try it.
If you're serious, you have 2 options. 1) Don't have booze. 2) Move out.
>>7191227
Last warning: kick them out if they ever do it again. Follow through on that warning.
Alternatively, you could do what my brother did once to a perpetual milk thief: phenolphthalein. It's a commonly-used chemical indicator solution found in any lab, but when neutral, is colourless and odourless. It's also a fierce laxative. (It's also apparently known to be carcinogenic now - so actually no, don't do that shit. Just kick him out.)
>>7191362
This. It's a small step from there to them stealing your money, or stealing your stuff to sell it for money to feed their habit.
>>7191572
Best answer so far.
>>7192581
>>7192569
>drinking to be cool
>pretending it tastes good
Yeah, if you're 17 maybe. everybody with a wit about them knows 99% of alcohol tastes worse than a fucking humdrum bog-standard coke, and alcohol certainly isn't cool in anyones eyes.
Except of course the underagers, the high-school kiddies; I'm guessing you're either still in school or you're just a baitlord. Some people enjoy a nice malt, and some people drink alcohol to fit in, but at the end of the day most people between the ages of 18-35 who drink just do it to get shitfaced.
>>7193802
Good advice, spike his drink with an obscure chemical only found in laboratories that will give him cancer in 10 years
>autism the post
>>7193160
that's a good idea
Leave a note with your booze saying that you have poisoned one bottle and only you know which bottle contains the poison.
Alternatively, clean out a bottle of poison and pour the booze into the clean bottle (pic related). The housemate will think it's poison and avoid it.
>>7191585
>Have an intervention with his friends and family and assist him in seeking help.
>Also, don't buy alcohol in large amounts or just drink when your out.
This.
If this is your roommate, stop being disappointed in him. Either stock him up, lock your items in a metal chemical cabinet, or stop having it on hand. Your collection days,and having a choice is not how it's going to be for you while living with this person. Buy a bottle or rum, and when it's gone, you do your gin mood, or whatever, but you can't keep a choice going for a whim. You can't stop an alcoholic from binge drinking, and when they can't drive and they don't want the buzz to end, they will cross boundaries and drink your stuff without regret.
>>7194481
Forgot my pic.
>>7191227
What bothers you more, the pricetags or the fact its not there when you want it? If it is the latter, oh well. But, if you don't mind buying more because you plan all your parties, just make it where you get money upfront and you make it where you aren't robbed without being paid back.
If they don't want to pay for whatever premium shit they drank, then you should leave. If they always give up the money without argument, and are graceful about it, fine.You'll work out a system.
>>7194503
I'm not even OP but i think drinking out of old chemical bottles is a great idea and I'm going to do it. I don't even have a roommate.
Hide the good stuff but leave some really cheap stuff out from him to steal. He'll be guilt ridden but at the same time you'll only lose a few bucks.
You need to put an end to this.
Today he may be stealing your liquor, but tomorrow he'll be stealing your life.
I suggest dioxins in his drink.
>>7194481
If you did that to me I'd rearrange the bottles. See if you act weird, if not, drink em
>>7191227
Buy a few beer bottles you dont plan on drinking then cum in them and reseal. Take a video of you cumming i n them. Once your roommate has drank them show him the vid
>>7191227
Old booze bottles make new piss bottles OP.
>>7191387
>a lockable mini-fridge would be cash
Probably could acquire one through a medical supply store, I believe hospitals are required to lock up specimens.
>>7194909
Or just google it.
http://www.amazon.com/Compact-Freezer-Refrigerator-Lock-Stainless/dp/B000RHWT3M
>>7194783
yes, provide your own proof that you've committed a felony
Locking a fridge won't work. Friend of mine's mom was an alcoholic (was because she died from it) and he got a fridge with a lock, thinking this would keep her out.
This frail 80-90 pound wisp of a former person broke the fucking lock and drank all the booze. She also stumbled into his room, made a beeline for any booze, popped a straw in for airflow and shotgunned everything in front of him as he was to shocked to actually stop her and left without a word. She was certainly... fascinating to see, I guess would be the way to put it.
>>7191227
you dont
>>7191227
First tell him to leave your shit alone. Second fill an old bottle with piss, if it's vodka hydrate till your pee is clear. Leave the piss bottle in an obvious place.
If you don't want to do that try vinegar or some type of colorless oil.
Get a latch and padlock for your room and look for a new roommate.
The other option is to not keep alcohol in the house (mayhap outside) and drink his shit when he finally gets desperate and buys some.
Add some gasoline to the bottle
>>7191227
Put in some Knorr Chicken Stockpot in the booze. Why? It just tastes better.
call 911 and say hes threatening to kill you and himself
that should get rid of him for at least 3 days to give you time to figure this out
>>7191227
I drink all the time, and I've never stolen my room mates' booze. But seriously, I'll tell you how to stop this.
If he's a problem alc, he will find it and steal it if he knows you have it. 100%.
You have to do two things. Never let him know you have any, and lock it up in a special and hidden safe/container.
>>7195081
Well memed.
>>7192359
fourty cocks.
Take 2 bottles and fill one with rubbing alcohol and put a note letting him know. Wrong choice will fuck him up.
Empty a vodka bottle and mix ether with water.
Ether does the same thing as alcohol except more potent, it used to be popular in Ireland in the 19th century.
Don't give him pure ether as it can cause funny hiccups since it boils at 35 degrees so it can rupture his stomach.
Alternatively you can make a fly agaric substract and put it in your drink, the fly agaric isn't dangerous unless you consume 10+ shrooms at once but it will give him a horrible trip unless he's a true masochist.
It's a deliriant and I've learned from experience that absolutely nobody but me and another hardcore masochist who's into being degraded like deliriants.
Afterwards you just call the police that he's become psychotic.
you can't stop them from stealing it... you can hide it and not let them know it's in the house at all, but just hiding it or locking it up is unlikely to do much... if they know or suspect it's there then they'll probably steal it
and i say that as someone who's stolen plenty of pain killers and benzos... and alcohol... not from a roommate ever, but yeah... can't say i'd be above that if i was physically addicted, most addicts aren't
in all honesty you should probably consider moving out, or having them leave... living with a severe alcoholic is awful if all you are to each other is something like roommates... i mean it's bad when you care more, but it's easier to put up with things too...
>>7196162
You're still a scumbag thief.
Grind like 5 nutmegs into a bottle of whatever and watch the party start
>>7196170
more like "was" it's been a long time... but having done shit like that is why i'm saying no matter what if it's even suspected that alcohol is in the house op's roommate will probably get it... full searches of the house for alcohol will be a thing if they even find out it was hidden once, and are a severe addict
Mix ipecac syrup into a bottle
I remember when I lived with my stoner, business major roommates I eventually started stealing their weed that they left out in the open because they'd make me clean up their post-munchie cooking binges and shat up my good cookware. Our relationship degraded so much that I lost all respect for them. When they finally realized their weed stash was quickening more than usual they hid their weed in their rooms, which I eventually got to as well. No fucks given for those cocksuckers, I moved out within 4 months.
OP, if someone is thieving from you they don't respect you. No amount of hiding their desired product will stop them from invading the very personal space that they don't respect. I imagine boozers are the worst because their addiction is physical and mental.
It's best to pretend like you don't have any alcohol. Getting a fridge, even with a lock, basically validates that you have alcohol you don't want them to have and the second your guard is down they'll try to take some, or pick the locks.
Don't mention that you drink to them anymore. If they probe you for alcohol tell them you've been dry for a good long while. Meanwhile, get out asap.
If you MUST get a personal fridge then sneak it in your room and hide it somewhere in the closet or some shit.
>>7196174
nutmegs?
>>7196318
not them, but nutmeg will fuck you up... and they probably mean the whole nut... i can't remember the chemical that's in it, but it produces a high most people find unpleasant
if i lived with a drunk i'd probably get all competitive about how much of a failure i was and take up a harder drug or heavier drinking just to flex my disgusting failure of a human being muscle
>>7194381
>phenophalein
>obscure
top kek non scientist anon
how is your dickens novel and womens studies degree?
>>7196358
>not a felony anywhere, at all
Cumming in something that someone could potential drink is sexual assault...I hope you are kidding and just pretending to be retarded.
>>7196087
>Empty a vodka bottle and mix ether with water.
>storing ether in glass or plastic
>>7197630
Marco, pls.
Hide them, buy some cheap decoy booze, insert laxatives.
>>7197645
Fucking liberals. It's getting so a guy can't try fat washing his own cum in his own spirit bottles anymore without being put on the sex offender registry.
>>7191227
Replace the content with concentrated bleach. He won't steal from you again, I can guarantee you that.
>>7198404
better to use a mixture of bleach and ammonia
that way if he does drink it it will only knock him out
what you need to do is become an alcoholic yourself and bond with him.
I live in a house with 3 other alcoholics and any booze we buy that night gets is consumed that night, there's no "oh shit anon's asleep I'm taking a shot of his jameson" If there's a bottle of jameson, everyone will be too drunk by the end of the night to want to steal more, you know what I mean? It's not hard to go to the store when you want to get drunk instead of having a weird collection of half filled bottles.
>>7197645
>Cumming in something that someone could potential drink is sexual assault
no, no it isn't at all
please cite some laws, faggot
>>7191227
Piss in it.
>>7197655
Ether is commonly stored in glass?
>>7191227
Pour it into his ass when he's asleep/passed out. He'll die of alcohol poisoning and the news will get a story on the dangers of butt chugging.
>>7199103
its not as dangerous as everyone makes it out to be
I regularly have a 3$ bottle of wine enema
as long as you hold it you get super drunk but as soon as you shit it out you go back to sober its weird
>>7199133
This is not a funny falsehood. It is just a waste of time. You should feel sorry for yourself.
>>7191227
Every time he steals booze, give him a bible
>>7199190
its not false
Hide your booze. Replace "old" booze with boose tainted with laxatives
just replace it with coffee and confuse the hell out of them https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2PtOd4grymE&feature=youtu.be
>>7199084
Nobody fucking does that. It forms peroxides and blows up with a slight disturbance.
It is ALWAYS IN METAL that can expand....this has been the standard for the entire 20th century.
>>7194665
That wouldn't fucking work. Bullets use the gas thats compressed behind it from the explosion to force it out of a tube, without that gas and tube forcing it out and keeping it straight, it'll just go all wobbly and plop down on the ground. Silly idea.
>>7200912
except that would work
you only need a chamber around the shotgun shell
>>7200912
You'd have awful spread and the shot wouldn't be nearly as damaging as from an actual shotgun but if you bolt down the trap to keep it in place it would absolutely work.
Might not have lethal force actually, I'm not sure, but it'd certainly deter him.
The fact that you refer to what is obviously a shotgun shell as a "bullet" makes me suspect you're not quite as much the expert as you want us to believe.
>>7194936
jizzing into your own belongings and monitoring an area of your home where thefts have occurred? No felonys detected.
>>7197633
he must not have even made it that far. we used it in my high school for regular-ass science class. must be a middle school dropout.
>>7191227
Fill an empty bottle with rubbing alcohol
find out what his most hated food is, hide your booze inside a box of whatever it is.
>>7191227
Hot pan.
Olive oil.
Lips in.
Sear, 2 minutes.
Done.
