Hey /biz/ how do you get into a mafia? I'm 18, I have the equivalent of 300 dollars to my name, and I have no ties to anyone or anything.
Throughout the years I have come to the conclusion, that I'm intelligent, seeing how fucking dull the median is. I can learn pretty much any new skill fairly quickly, so I'm sure I'd have no problem with becoming useful to a crime enterprise, if someone is willing to invest in me.
The question is, how do I convince a druglord/rabbi or any participant in organized crime to invest time and money in training me to be a successful asset? How do I even find these people? I only know petty gangsters, drug dealers and people who grow weed in their basements, but seeing how fucking broke these people usually are I'd say they're not the way to go.
Any ideas?
Keks who still think going to college and being an employee for the rest of their lives will get them anywhere other than numb mediocrity, or think they can break out of wagekekdom, and they will surely make it by being wagekeks for JUST one more year, need not apply.
>>960199
since when does /biz/ filter the world cück what the fuck
Wondering the same thing anon. Probably just start committing crime and people will take notice
>>960199
>rabbi or any participant in organized crime
1/10 made me chuckly
(kill yourself)
>>960211
That doesn't sound like a good idea, unless the crime is something a crime group would notice. So nothing like stabbings robberies dealing drugs etc. I can't just start running around on the streets bribing politicians and making coke deals with the feds without any background.
>>960215
I couldn't come up with another example besides druglord, so I went with rabbi since rabbis are supposed to be some kind of central units among jews. Who are incidentally parts of one big mafia
>>960199
>"I have come to the conclusion, that I'm intelligent"
> Seeks mafia advice from 4chan.
>>960283
I figured a mafia fag is more likely to use 4chan than someone who went to college and has a job, which is not the kind of people I seek advice from
>>960301
>But what you actually want is to join the army.
for what purpose?
>>960199
I too, would like to be mafia.
>>960384
requesting more info on joining mafia
Qualifications:
>numchucks
>bow staff
>pretty good with a crossbow
>>960378
An earner would be out earning for the family. I doubt you'll find anybody here who hasn't gotten all of their information from the telly.
>>960226
What city you live in?
Learn programming and skim credit cards, sell your cards online on the deepweb. Eventually after you make a name for yourself (not hard) people will start contacting you and they'll give you cards to sell and you sell it for them and take a % of the profit.
1 card can sell for $10 or so, maybe less maybe more depending on the card itself and daily demand. Very easy to skim card info as well, one trip through the mall and you're good for a few hundred dollars a day!
Eventually a big organization will want to do more "illegal" shit with you and they'll contact you as well, like hacking into banks and shit.
It's the cyber mafia, and you can make a killing. Also if you're caught, its white collar crime, very soft sentences lol, easy to get out of, and you can make it very hard for law enforcement to even implicate you in the first place.
>>960199
Mel Gibson..?
>>960458
I live in Budapest which is the capital of Hungary with like 2 mil population, but like I've said I have no ties so I could move pretty much anywhere. What's a good place to start? Should I just go to the US on a holiday, stay there, start dealing with places that hide illegal immigrants and work my way up, getting to know the owner, then the person who connects that person with the next person and so on?
>>960475
>learn programming and skim credit cards
Well how long does it take to learn this shit? I haven't done any programming before, but I know it's easier than it seems.
The problem is I'd have to stay somewhere until I start making money. Which is a problem because I don't have much money and I've been staying at friends and distant family for one or two days at a time for the past two weeks.
One of my friends offered me a place for just $80 a month, so that means I have like 4 months worth of shelter and electricity. Is that enough to learn credit card skimming? How do I even get started on this?
>kill don
>become new don
>???
>fuck don's wife and daughter for extra fake-incest profit
>>960682
but who was don?
>>960199
>1.realize you're a teenager with a teenager's brain
>2.realize that the OP you wrote is a direct result of special snowflake syndrome, hubris and naivety a.k.a. being an 18 year old
>3.get an education
>4.???
>5.great success
No need to pay me, just think of me and my post when you're cringing at the things you did as a teenager in a couple of years.
>>960199
people in organized crime usually only live to be 28.
Just a heads up.
Biker gang man, come to America, get an American made motorcycle, and hang out at the bars the biker gangs hang out at. If you befriend them they'll test you and probably let you in.
>Throughout the years I have come to the conclusion, that I'm intelligent, seeing how fucking dull the median is.
shut up
>I'm intelligent, seeing how fucking dull the median is.
The "median" also believes this. I recommend a book called 'The Structure of Scientific Evolution', if you understand it, and like it, then you're smart, if not, your okay. If you laugh at the thought of buying a book then you're an ignorant piece of shit.
Suck dick for cash faggot. Since you're so smart and quick to pick up new skills I imagine you could be sucking hundreds of cocks a day soon.
Step 1: Develop a skill.
Step 2: Advertise yourself
Seriously, it's just like anything else. I'm a computer consultant and amongst the average customers that are computer tarded come the drug dealers and thugs that are computer tarded. I answer their questions about security and privacy, casually chat, then mention I can make makeshift smoke, EMP, and flashbang grenades on the DL (all on Youtube) and now I do legit business and slightly less legit business. Shit even the hippies get picked up by these guys for tips on hydroponics and discrete growing techniques and they take on nearly no risk for consultations.
Just find something you don't hate doing and do it, you can pick and choose careers later.
>>960199
Kill someone and wait for the dark brotherhood
There was a time in my life when I was "connected". It's all about who you know, or what you're willing to do for them. Trust me when I say, you can't handle it.
>>960199
sure i'll help ya out.
>I'm 18, I have the equivalent of 300 dollars to my name, and I have no ties to anyone or anything.
sounds like you might have a shot at being a drug mule. this is kinda 50/50 as either you'll be a legit mule that they want to carry the goods from point to point OR you'll end up being one of the decoy mules they WANT to get caught so they can get the trail off of the real mules. the problem is they probably aren't telling you which position you're "trialing" for in advance so it's a crap shoot.
>The question is, how do I convince a druglord/rabbi or any participant in organized crime to invest time and money in training me to be a successful asset?
>How do I even find these people?
these are the wrong questions to ask. the right question to ask is "how do i get THEM to notice ME". you do that by being a good little criminal. rob some joints, pull some drug scores, you know, build your crook resume.
of course, you could always dress up like a cute little fuck boy and offer to rent your buttpussy out to some of the goons. either make cash that way OR offer yourself pro boner and be given a lifetime full of security within a prestigious crime syndicate as the designated fuck hole.
good luck on your contributions to society buddy!
>>961263
I know how this works, which is why I'm actually more intelligent than the people who feel like they're slightly more intelligent than the average person, just because they can't see behind the surface of human behavior and don't understand the motivations and thought processes of others. So they think whatever logical conclusion they have come to is unique, and they can't imagine that being reproduced by a human being with "average intelligence" (which is still a fucking miracle in itself). I can objectively say I'm intelligent, this is not something I'm proud of, because it's not something I achieved or earned, it's just how it is. Just like I'm white, I'm fucking happy that I am, but I'm not proud of it, because why would I be?
>>961193
>great success
Except having a medium sized house, working 9 to 5 every day and getting drunk with your coworkers every weekend isn't "great success"
>>961284
The meme is not catching up friend. I'm not the same guy who made the boat thread. Funnily enough though I got two offers for paid gay sex just last month. I might look like I'm gay or something which I'm not very happy about.
>>961394
Do I need to be ripped to build my crook resume? I want to be the guy with ideas, and strategic decisions, not the guy who breaks your teeth and looks all menacing and shit. I'm also a manlet at 173 cm (or 5'8" for you amerilards)
Also why are you niggers so obsessed with gay sex? Is this /b/?
>>961422
>not ripped
>manlet
>looks gay
>already gets offers for sex without advertising
you are quite literally sitting on your ticket to financial prosperity, cowboy. put that buttpussy to work and start raking in the cash. forget this life of crime shit, you can actually give back in a meaningful way to society!
>>961422
Them = You
If you're going into crime you are going to want to be independent. Gangs are for morons who can't think for themselves.I'd suggest fraud but I'm not spoonfeeding you anything on that. If you don't care whether you live or die you can easily get set up by purchasing drugs and doing drugs until you work your way up to a dealer you think is worth your time to rob.
>>961445
yay
>>961451
well shit that's legitimately disappointing
>>961456
>fraud
Nigga what kind of fraud can I pull off with 300 usd and no home? I've thought about making a kickstarter project then getting the fuck out with the money, but I would have to make it look legit as fuck, because people don't really donate unless you appear in the project video and connect with Botnetbook™. I don't want to get sued by some fag.
>>961462
I could make 6 grand off $300 easy
Maybe in a week. That being said I don't commit fraud because the risk isn't worth it. I instead found a career putting fags like you in prison :>)
>>961468
Well I guess that's better than being a fucking employee, because while you're still working like a slave, at least the gubberman is not fucking you over even further, because you are the gubberman.
And you aren't putting "fags like me" in prison, because I haven't actually done shit as of now.
>>961422
You can literally start with other people's cash just by asking for it. I'm assuming from this you're in Europe so maybe this will help inspire you to get some money moving.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lVdEUxDmFA
These guys aren't even the brightest bulbs in the business.
>>961354
That takes me back a few years.
>>960681
If you don't know how to make tasteful crimes like fraud, dont bother.
it attracts and is attracted by some kinds of personality.
if you're not a hard, smart, classy, outsmarting, outdeceiving man, dont bother youll get pushed around like sending you to the states without you knowing your car is overly loaded with drugs. No respect
>>961540
>hard, smart, classy, outsmarting, outdeceiving man
Cargo pants and trenchcoats are not classy Jason
>>960203
Kek
