Redpill me on Office Politics /biz/.
I'm already reading How to Win Friends and Influence People, the 48 Laws of Power, and the Prince.
Any more suggestions?
What does redpill mean
There is no such thing as "office politics", because you should never be discussing politics in a business environment, even if the general consensus of your fellow employees agree with you.
Also, don't try to apply meme self help books to your job.
We now live in a PC HR nightmare where women and dindus are worshipped by the corporate over lords.
>>1182941
Clearly has no idea what office politics is
-smile whenever you're talking to someone and look them in the eye 60% of the conversation
-ask people about their lives
-don't do things for other people without giving them shit for it and making them aware that they owe you one
-don't do anything "non-pc"
-make friends with someone in IT and HR
If you're in a workplace environment dominated by women, taking on a beta mindset would be the best way to go (just don't let them take advantage). If you're autistic and you know it, keep discussion to a minimum, because you WILL fuck up and they WILL turn on you. Modesty is the best policy in this kind of workplace environment, don't forget that.
>>1182941
>office politics
>should never be discussing politics in a business environment
My sides are now orbiting Pluto.
>>1182941
lmao
>>1182927
lol
To really impress your boss, if he's white, walk right up to him, look him in the eye, and just call him what he is. A fucking racist. Then quit.
Make sure your boss and his boss likes you. That's literally all you have to do.
Never apologize for anything. It's incredible how well things will work out if you don't show the slightest bit of remorse. You don't even need to try to place blame on someone.
>>1182965
THIS.
Was in an office where there where 3 males and 7 females. Kept the office crazy on my side with flirting and shared personal information. Got the crazy to trust and protect me while I moved up a few slots.
avoid talking to women when possible. dont make it obvious that you are avoiding them, or they will get indignant. just smile and nod, pretend you are aloof, whatever it takes for them to avoid talking to you. that way it's THEIR decision, they have the power (they like having power over men, in case you havent observed that already). unless youre one of those fags that needs attention from women LOL
>>1182997
Yep. But not too close with the upper bosses. You want them to respect and fear you at the same time. Getting fakebooky with them not a good idea at all. Your peers will shit bricks knowing the top boss even knows your fucking name.
>>1183015
And dont stare at their nasty Flintstone Barney Rubble feet as they clomp around the office in their flip flops while you have to wear real shoes.
>>1182925
> office politics
just do your job and be polite to everyone. These are not your friends, nor your enemies, they are simply coworkers. You are all there to do a job, nothing more.
Office drama only occurs if you actively participate in it.
>>1182941
b8
Using /pol/ terms
You need to destroy your competitors by waging low-intensity guerilla warfare in the office
Some tactics include
>tampering with coffee, cream, or milk
>detonating sulfur based prank stinkbombs at a well timed moment
>leaving crude post-it notes in strategic locations
>hiding office supplies
>knowing where your coworkers live and their commute
>bringing dirt powder with you and mixing with water to create mud, can be placed on shoes and on the carpet to make a coworker seem careless and messy
>create fake social media profiles to gather personal information on coworkers(works best if it's an attractive member of the opposite sex)
rally your fellow peons and lynch the office manager. works most of the time, just make sure no one talks
>>1182925
>Any more suggestions?
There is no way to avoid the female coworker backstab parade. Just keep your head down and try to save enough money to get by when they have you sacked. Find a way to be your own boss.
>>1183007
How does this work psychologically, exactly?
>>1182925
sauce?
>>1182997
this
>>1183243
it doesn't work it's bullshit advice, if you fuck up then sack up and apologize, or at least acknowledge your error
also
>never trust the company
>only trust the bosses if they prove they can be trusted
>document everything
>don't do anything non-PC, especially to women
>don't make anyone else look stupid intentionally, maintain modesty
>don't ever get angry and lash out, always take the moral high ground
>don't ever get involved with (serious) drama or gossip, even snitching
>help other people, even if you're an autist with social anxiety
>if you want to get promoted, work above your job title and document it extensively for your performance reviews
>if you aren't being promoted, and deserve to be, look for a new job, and TELL your boss you're looking for a new job (unless they are a complete shitstain who will fire you for telling them)
follow these steps and you will be literally untouchable, better than 95% of the workforce, and they will do anything to retain you
>>1182925
>>1182925
Office politics gets a bad rep because it can be quite messy and it just takes a couple of assholes to destroy a work environment. But it is an integral part of any organisation if you want to get anywhere or get anything meaningful done in the corporate world you better learn how to play the game.
Here's some to handle office politics without being a dick or a sociopath.
>Be good at your job and a couple of other things. Let people understand that you can get shit done.
>Talk to everyone around you. Network. Make friends, create relationships.
>Don't always try to be the nice guy. Make sure that people understand that actions have consequences when dealing with you.
>Make deals and trade favors no matter how small, no matter how small. You need the practice. Be the middleman. Brokering deals will give you the aura being "connected".
>Figure out what people want. It's not rocket science. Listen to people long enough without passing judgement and they will tell you themselves. Align the interests of people around you.
>Share your agenda and ambitions openly so that people know what you they can trade with you for.
>Learn to compromise and be patient.
>Avoid burning bridges.
>You can't fake integrity. You will have to develop it. Sooner or later everyone needs someone trustworthy to handle important stuff.
>Politics is theater. Manage your appearance.
>You probably wont be in your current organisation for very long. You can afford to take risks and make mistakes, especially early on.
>Public memory is very short. You can reinvent yourself.
>>1183017
>fakebooky
I'm picturing an employee forcing his superiors to go to a karaoke booth with him and sing love ballads.
>>1182925
Never make fun of the ugliest person in the office because the CEO is probably fucking him/her on the side.
>>1182925
The 7 habits of the highly effective people, it will help you out to deal with paradigmas that people have
>>1182941
>you should never be discussing politics in a business environment
i'm a sinner then
>>1183454
>>if you aren't being promoted, and deserve to be, look for a new job, and TELL your boss you're looking for a new job (unless they are a complete shitstain who will fire you for telling them)
Don't do this. You are the first on the chopping block if they know you want out. Find a new job, put in your 2 weeks and leave on good terms.
Keep tabs on the gossip, but don't get involved with. Things will burn back to you.
>>1183680
I've been telling my bosses for years every time I am looking for a new job, and it's resulted in promotions or raises every single time.
I guess I could rephrase, if you are <actually> near-irreplaceable, then it's a good strategy. If they can hire an H1B at half the cost to replace you without much difficulty, then no you shouldn't do this.
>>1182925
>48 Laws of Power
One of my favorite books. Robert Greene is one of my favorite authors. Would also reccomend you pick up Mastery and The Art of Seduction by him.
>>1183685
yes this is my plan and even if i get fired who cares i have financial stability i can use a break.
i can only lose if i don't ask for a raise.
>>1182925
The rules of work- richard templar
>>1182927
The unfiltered truth. From the Matrix, when Morpheous offers Neo the red pill (truth about the Matrix) or the blue pill (go back into the simulation, not memory of this encounter).
>>1183032
I wish what you said was true but it isn't. Workplace politics will come for you whether you want to play or not.
>>1184100
Depends on the workplace.
If you are working in an office that's like a soap opera then that office has been poorly managed and you should look somewhere else for employment.
I'm currently working in a small rural SME with office politics going on right now that I see as the equivalent of little barking doggies.
Some of the places I've worked in before is like watching the sharks at work in the ocean.
I'm not so full of hubris or overconfidence as to think that enough barking doggies can't chew you up and spit you out but I can't help but smile a bit on the inside at some of the things going on here.
>>1183198
u /mischief/ son.
a real madman
Slap the asses of all the cute women in the office and tell em they're lookin fine. Also grab their tits when u get alone with them. They'll appreciate how alpha u are.
>>1182925
Can someone please tell me who this Russian bitch is?
>>1183422
>>1184485
>>1184566
https://www.google.ca/search?tbs=sbi:AMhZZiu6xupxUfCTY4wqSJLx7_1A-mvZAy2d9hoxeV83jJ3fJl8A4kw8byJDc87elzvi1OdPT8d56iTgKZd7rSqeAuwqkeknry9OphKpVoG8eRcbmgkGndxCUK-8Se7Vy2r5PyckPaTGklLtk-ctkhgSxlU-6eKgbfPLnPpm_1RXs482Js72NmdLKFeOL4W4618_1kjO4JT0YLOFCJetz7j94JypN_19qwDSiX56QoDRCpFIScrEq-JUwEPzs9j12CIO9GNswt7UBXEZEk8lbk7vEVmdshpbDDQ1d_1_1IdO94EeYaOE2u8khBvJWOB8cXlBXiAyHnXWAc6FuW-RZ7ziI7To6EQCiueixUd2Nk3KqSK1apN1_1L1kb7wbictkBjKrNp6zk3r4friXRChqgxJPU6jQpd-91EOnRHXAQoSrdq1rCyQK2wJWOHrFB8Lf_1btyz5f9kIEl6DF19pBmAN13VBqYU1hpyDw7ioXjaqbc6ADHEesx7CFQsTneAY2Eq0qYd7PZWC7Y2telwxIRbNcvotUS_1aWB68epAy1t_1hlHbW1A0nEPz2NphCHDsTGkd9_1Wh2We2EguTfZDM99AfNIy3uYAXexD9NUJrubagQdsG9_1QsQQxzCqRG-pdfwbPOUiI9GmxdVXLpCNNctTIZwVnCTN2TGJNvNAo_1AZZI4paeLhBV0u7WEwlmvXAYGL3mlbuqyohoq0WGajqz3YCNagXhlXJ5dtVcApiXVAMkfZoOv5spjKCFSd7SMnGGd1rqTZWTnsVZOdfuPAMCLL67KtY-5mQG0O5XozW1PQyqFlUofjbwtRVula-4M0sv8EbHsAuh8_1o0hyR8l4_1fXTf_1l8Dnu8pI2El1WTDJrpOXF7aiivXdbK30mnxh8s6PkaY6lmOL3lZnbsqaErlaT7M_1iFqcnqH_1sdwTa9RiRV1lcN_11H_1gMo0bl_1Ow_1TrYZhsPiiF5EtjT_1ZKb4J1qsQ5eZhtY0UTF5JJERf2ONWThfb1q3dvHn2ToHW8EcjRt1nsv4FwS7YK9S7X6u7MdBVsFv6ricwp_1xGkkr774bmcmjZR4aj9feQFBSSUnvBe1p9gVOq-cvgoMMLEgHGR41mIjPIN6M8k1OSZOg1CjTr4-7bp0gQB8yaWP-zvFNtdKrYXWQj4aU-7ax95G4tH5szGsMNjX4Csq91UK_1n1iey0uiB_123T22QkrLOw07cN5oaNi-Ok42Aak6mtEMYi1GjTM0ijxPxD0guW7mJJImwIza-1d-T8m1psap5cEWSSIcaCOmSTpNlzzfcU1mJkyIfBSgzq09QIDm2E1kbXugF3tnRlUnyHgGEv4SfzvjR9GrxFsWIlbJtvCBfOuVQ1v5ed3KFGInnbGtFTj8m_1TN3ZRckVH3Mbz41A0OkgiqO40qIKudi7tzkCCkUQJ-sY8Vql0u_1mqTtzPVofCK0YZXwQheee47NwkY_17JSLkCUCue1WYfuvC0bIgOM1gKg2q9XIBVkFyCK-2z1MYpKNXm4087x-mR_1HPJ9fQkXMQJSuY5YGXIZo889x3Dle_14NB8sNbgA3M2zQbeVJxwYuqm1hKu52KwH3GzXZ9_13LHcIY5s740Oqc2snD1uVxeqaNJvKrQe&gws_rd=cr,ssl&ei=8LwJV7CSFsaCjgTl0Z-oAg
There's literally a 4chan feature for this
>>1184576
ooh yeah she's hot
>>1184576
Fucking thanks!!!
Two things for me personally.
1) Make sure your boss respects you and your work/work ethic.
2) Avoid office politics all together.
I know this is going to sound cynical as fuck, but avoid people in general as best you can. Especially females. The less people know about you the less they can use against you. When you're drawn into conversations keep them very general and vague. Never take a stance on anything political, religious, opinions of other co-workers etc. If they didn't ask don't volunteer it sort of thing. A lot of head nodding and "Oh, that's interesting" and "I don't really know <person you're talking crap about> that well. Hey I've got to get back to <excuse>, talk to you later." should be all you say for the most part.
Have the reputation of being the quiet dude no one really knows that well who's semi-autistic but is great at his job. You'll be looked at as weird but you'll outlast 90% of the people there who bother with the gossipy office bullshit.
>>1182927
It's a neckbeard way of asking someone to tell them what they want to hear. Usually with a hint of racism or sexism.
>>1184616
Holy shit, are you me? You've totally described my current situation.
Honestly, it sucks to be a loner in a company. But I just don't feel like socializing in my current company. That's part of the reason I'm looking for a new job now.
>>1182941
either bait or you are literally autistic
>>1184616
This
>mfw coworkers bring in their shitty kids
>mfw coworkers want me to go bowling
I may be "that guy" but I prefer to separate work and life
>>1185610
I like when my boss brings his kids. His daughter a cutiepie.
>>1183237
I cannot agree with this post enough. Absolutely spot on.
>>1184616
Bad advice imo.
You'll never get considered for management positions if you can't socialise and network internally.
>>1186235
So glad i'm not a wage cuck
>>1183237
but one or two motherly older women in the office are nice right?
>>1182988
This killed me.
>>1182927
Its the meme equivalent of "inform" or "enlighten"
